#the black family headcanons

[starmoondany]

Sirius has an explosive laugh

That one that when he laughs the ENTIRE CASTLE can hear him

And its funny at first but then it turns macabre and its a little scary- 😭😭😭

[enbysiriusblack]

TW ABUSE

do you think the black family was physically abusive to their children? personally, i tend to think not, since i think that “their noble house” would not stoop so low to muggle ways of being, so to say.

completely unrelated, but i think sirius was the gifted child (and the one who was supposed to be the heir, obviously) and i like it when i read a fic that has the black family that also explores the dynamics beyond inherently evil or good. i think they were loved and that they loved each other, obviously, (or at leats in most cases) but they had a weird way of showing each other that.

also, regulus was orion’s favourite (quiet and obedient) while sirius was walburga’s (determined and intelligent). since orion was a pretty absent father, i think regulus felt the favouritism coming from his mother towards his older brother and resented both of them for it. i think regulus was pretty reserved as a child with that being one of the reasons, while sirius was always the one who invited the guests in and made polite conversation with them, when needed.

i definitely don't think they were physically abusive, only verbally and emotionally. i also think walburga, orion and regulus would see no fault with it and not recognise it as abuse.

i def agree with sirius being the gifted one, naturally smart and charming and everything. and sirius' line about how people don't just slot into 'good or evil' was so based on his family. they loved each other but walburga and orion were taught by their parents that control and tradition and fear were the ways to show that love. the family trauma cycle fr.

however, i don't think regulus was orion's favourite. i think sirius was both parents favourite. orion wanted a strong heir and saw that in sirius (whereas regulus, he saw as just his spare in case of any problems- ie. sirius running away and getting disowned) i think orion was quite absent (for regulus), but he did make sirius come into meetings and spend entire days just sitting in the corner of his office whilst he does paperwork and writes letters to people. walburga then spent time with both of them, and favoured sirius not because he was the heir, but more because he was always more charming and could talk to her guests, and played the piano better, and was always ahead in his academics, and could beat his father in chess by the time he was 7, and was a little outspoken and rebellious but so was she as a child so she thought he'd get over it as he grows up.

regulus was definitely reserved as a child, so true anon!! i also think he always was. i see his as autistic (well i hc both sirius and regulus as autistic, but regulus more quiet and antisocial and has selective mutism), and that he never really understood other people, or social situations, and struggles talking to most people.

[mariekavanagh]

The only way I can see Walburga and Orion take Sirius and Regulus to a Quidditch game is if it’s a society power move, and families they consider to be respectable would be there.

Indeed, neither of them are sports fans and would never dream of lowering themselves to cramming into the public stands full of over-excited and potentially intoxicated masses.

I do however love the idea that perhaps one of their uncles were meant to be taking them to a match (an exceedingly rare treat) but was unavailable at the last minute, leaving Sirius to put on such a passionate display of complaint and begging that Orion consents to take them instead just for some peace and quiet. The idea of Orion in his far-too-formal an outfit for such an occasion, being barged into and squeezed past by what he deems as the lowest of wizarding society is nothing short of hilarious.

I'm inclined to think that the uncle in question was Alphard rather than Cygnus. Cygnus is the bigger quiddich fan but would definitely sprig for a private box whereas Alphard wouldn't be quite as bothered. Just a shame he had to dart off before fulfilling his promise.

[olailamajnoon]

Bruce, who has a problem expressing emotions because he was teased for them in school as the "crazy Wayne kid"

Bruce, who used to clutch Alfred at night and wet himself due to his nightmares.

Bruce, who got flashbacks till his mid-twenties everytime he walked down an alley.

Bruce, who would hug a weeping Dick Grayson and stay with him until the night terrors were over, humming a soft lullaby that Bruce's mother sang for him

Bruce, who hardened his mouth and his life to keep the anger in check after Jason, because he knew if he didn't every criminal would pay.

Bruce, who sees Damian chopping up shrubbery and thinks "I was far worse as a child inside, it's a good thing he's letting it out"

Bruce, who can't walk by a homeless child in the street without calling his special Wayne Foundation liaison (who he keeps on speed dial) and asking her to find "one more spot"

Bruce, who sees Selina petting kittens and robbing the rich and thinks "if I could have had a life with her, that would have been nice"

Bruce, who looks at Cass' x-rays and sees her knit bones and swears to god he will break the bones of whoever's responsible for her upbringing

Bruce, who gives Tim projects that he himself can do faster because he sees attention-starved Tim trying to please him

Bruce, who looks at Clark smiling and thinks of what he can buy for his birthday to make him smile just like that.

Bruce to his parents in their graves after not being able to catch a criminal: I'm sorry. I've failed you. I'll try harder.

People who don't know Bruce: why is that man so unfeeling.

Bad DC writers: idk just that way i guess

[incorrectbatfam]

imagine Batman had to take care of the rest of the Justice League members after a magic user turned them into toddlers/ kids

Bruce: *warms Clark's bottle*

Bruce: *sets Diana in a playpen*

Bruce: *burps Hal*

Bruce: *changes Ollie's diaper*

Bruce: *puts Barry on a child leash*

Bruce: *gives Arthur a bath*

Bruce: *puts J'onn in a Martian onesie*

Bruce: *gives Vic a green teddy bear*

Bruce: *sings Dinah a lullaby*

Bruce: *plays peek-a-boo with Zatanna*

Bruce: *holds a baby photoshoot for Carter and Shayera*

Bruce: *downloads Little Einstein for Ray*

Bruce: *puts an iPad in front of Ted*

Bruce: *starts training Billy to be Robin*

[later, back to normal]

Ollie: We're gonna pretend we don't remember all that?

Everyone: Yep.

[oldmannapping]

HC: The Batfam’s secret identities keep nearly being exposed through dumb mistakes, and citizens all over Gotham are constantly signing NDAs printed on ridiculously formal Bat insignia letterhead.

Tim: Used his Coffee Club rewards card for a free espresso as Red Robin, forgetting it was linked to his civilian identity because it was 3am and he was running on 42 hours without sleep.

Steph: Used her personal phone to tap-and-pay at Batburger with Cass. Bruce got pissy but she’s like, “Who accepts cash in a post-pandemic world, Mr Out Of Touch?” Used the experience to bargain a work phone out of Bruce.

Dick: Poses the exact same way in selfies with fans as both Nightwing and Dick Grayson. “What? Is it a crime to know my angles? I’m not apologising for having a good side!”

Damian: Constantly threatening people in League dialect as Robin and at school. It’s like a super niche language. People notice.

Jason: Grabbed one of his Red Hood jackets because it was cold and accidentally pulled out two grenades and a gun when asked for ID at the bar.

Duke: Straight up used his Signal powers to find something at the back of his locker at school. Like just lit up the hallway. “I thought I was alone!”

Cass: Took out cash from the ATM as a civilian for Batburgers with Steph, and paid as Black Bat. Someone at the bank traced the serial number of the bill and ATM surveillance footage. Batman declared that this wasn’t Cass’s fault and gave her another $50.

Alfred: Outsourced some of the superhero suit laundering to a professional company because he’s ONLY ONE MAN for god’s sake, and sometimes he needs an afternoon off.

Bruce: Literally just keeps adopting kids who look exactly like all the new crimefighters who help Batman. Has a massive public profile and just. Keeps syncing up families with Batman? People are like uhhh is he expecting us not to notice, or?

And all of them have accidentally posted to the wrong social media account at some point.

[bibibusinessman]

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Regulus: I like my men how I like my coffee - strong and sweet.

Even: I like my men how I like my coffee - dark, and handsome.

Barty: I like my men how I like my coffee - able to keep me up all night.

Dorcas: I like my men how I like my coffee - I don't like coffee.

Pandora *in the sweetest voice*: I like my men how I like my coffee - ground up and in my freezer.

[isabel-lillah]

10 things only James Potter knew about Regulus Black

1) In July 1976, he came to the Potters through their floo together with unconscious Sirius. He left again before Effie and Monty came.

2) After his brother got away from home, he continued to secretly check on him.

3) He threatened Snape into not spreading the information about Remus being a werewolf.

4) He hexed another Slytherin for insulting Pandora.

5) He got punished for it by his mother. That was the second time he came through the Potters's floo.

6) He spent most of his nights at Hogwarts in the astronomy tower.

7) Regulus had violent nightmares that left him shaking. Sometimes, the shakes didn't stop for hours.

8) His touch was like the ocean - engulfing, gentle, but also powerful.

9) Before he left for the cave, he obliviated James in his sleep.

10) The obliviate didn't work.

[fourthemarauders]

Regulus:"Hey,I lost my brother. Can I make an announcement?"

Employee:"Yeah, sure"

Regulus:*leans into the mic"

Regulus:"Farewell, you cunt"

[arkangelo-7]

I hc that after Bruce’s infamous spine-breaking fight with Bane, all the Batkids pitch in and get Bruce one of those super bougie gamer chairs for the Bat-Computer. Like this thing is all leather, it’s got cup holders and LED lights, and that bad boy swivels smoother than butter.

It’s also bright fucking red. Robin red.

[starmoondany]

Sirius can't really speak French. Don't get me wrong, he does kinda speaks French, but he's not good at it. At all. He mostly knows insults and some sentences. Unlike Regulus, who speaks fluent French.

In my head it works like this; Regulus was always somehow closer to his mother than Sirius. Walburga spoke perfect French, and she tried to teach her children. With Regulus it was easy, her youngest son seemed interested in the language and what his mother wanted to teach him. But Sirius, oh, the little brat had liked to antagonize his mother since before he was even born. He barely paid attention in his French classes, and ignored his mother whenever she spoke to him in that language.

In my head, Sirius wanted to get as far away as possible from his family. From their ideals, from everything that his mother wanted to impose on him. That's why Sirius can't really speak French; he didn't want to. It reminded him of his mother.

[theblackstar04]

sirius and regulus have internalised homophobia. every pureblood does. argue with the wall

[yourgalgremlin]

Effie Potter (checking on the kids @ night): …

[vilnmelling]

Jon Matteson family tree headcanon, anyone?

Emma found out about each of Paul's relatives separately.

First Emma scratched someone's car, and while they were discussing what to do about it, Paul said, "If it comes down to it, I can get in contact with Gary." "Gary Goldstein? You're on a first name basis with the only lawyer in town?" "Yeah. He's my older brother."

A couple of weeks later, Emma's talking about the rare instances when she actually remembers something about the Beanie's customers, and she mentions a guy with really weird and greasy, anime-like hair. "Huh. I didn't know Richie liked Beanie's." "Who?" "Richie. My nephew. With the anime hair."

An ad for Camp Idontwannabang comes up on TV, and Emma recalls her horrible summer at Camp Idontwannabang as a teenager. Then Paul pulls out the, "I'm glad I never had to go. My cousin's one of the counselors — well, one of the directors now — so my parents decided I shouldn't have to spend an entire summer with him." "Boy Jerry's your fucking cousin?"

While on their way somewhere, they run into Daniel outside the Roller-rama. Emma's like, "God, I feel like I've seen that kid outside the Roller-rama ten times." "Yeah, Daniel goes there a lot." "Why the fuck do you know his name?" "He's my other nephew."

Finally, Paul brings Emma to a family gathering, where she spots the identical Lipschitz twins, who she's always assumed to be the same person when she's seen them separately. "There's TWO of them?" "Yeah, that's Trevor. My third nephew."

Skip forward another few weeks and there's something on the news about politics and so forth. "That secretary of defense looks a bit like you, Paul. What's he; another secret brother?" "No." "Yeah, I know, I'm just messing—" "Wallace is my cousin."

[incorrectbatfam]

List Bruce situationship (wrong answers only)

Oliver Queen

That's it

I don't ship them but I'm convinced something is going on

I think their wives know too

It's an unspoken thing they've accepted