#batbros

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: One of my kids used the word "fucktangular" in a mission report to describe a situation that was complicated and messy in multiple unpleasant and difficult ways.

[disastertwins9000]

bat-shenanigans

they’re the hero’s gothem deserves…?? maybe??

[dc-gotham-instincts-wild]

JASON BEING A BIG BOTHER AAAAHHHHHHHH

If I had a nickel for every time I drew Tim insisting that Jason is a good person I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s sad that it’s happened twice.

anyways have some de-aged Tim angst

[shyjusticewarrior]

Jason: You wanna fight, 'Wing?

Dick: Bitch, I might-wing.

[mylifeingotham]

Guys help me i keep seeing people ship the bat siblings together

[brucewayneoffic]

Carried him for the full 9 months.

Press, holding a microphone too close to Tim’s face at a gala: how are you settling in at the Wayne’s now you’re officially adopted?

Tim, with a confused face: What do you mean? I’m not adopted.

Press: ..What? No, you were adopted-

Tim: Bruce gave birth to me.

Bruce, behind Tim, nodding: Obviously.

[windybluebelles]

Love the idea of all the Batkids having a stupid little crush on their older siblings friends when they’re younger. Obviously it wouldn’t really ever go anywhere due to them being kids at the time and the 5 odd year age gaps, but I think it’s funny.

I was mostly thinking of this with Damian and Jason, mainly Damian cause the idea of him having his first crush be on Kon is actually hilarious to me.

It would be so embarrassing to him when he grows up, especially if it’s an au where he dates Jon and/or Tim dates Kon. Like nooooo, he’s family now!

Just picturing him throwing things whenever it gets brought up:

“Hey, Damian remember when you thought that Kon-“

“SHADDUP TIMOTHY”

CRASH

it’s funny idk

[incorrectbatfam]

Tim: Hey Jason, I forgot to put on the case file that the Greek prime minister is coming into Gotham tonight.

Jason: Of course you did. Hey Duke, I need a new copy of Case #32. Tim can't do this fucking job.

Duke: Heard.

Barbara: Jason, I'm so sorry, the warehouse for your next sting was supposed to be a shipyard.

Jason: No problem, Babs. Hey, Signal, drop me the new address for the sting.

Duke: Heard.

Barbara: Thank you, Jason.

Jason: No problem.

[later]

Tim: Steph, this is so messed up. I just had Jason rip me apart for a mistake but give Barbara a pass 'cause she's a woman.

Stephanie: It's not 'cause she's a woman. Look at Cass. Nobody fights with Jason more than her.

Jason in the background, shouting: Do better!

Cassandra, also shouting: Oh, like you're fucking perfect. Just write the report!

Jason: Get out of my fucking office!

Cassandra: It's not your fucking office!

Tim: So what is it? Is Barbara just nicer?

Stephanie: It's donuts.

Tim: Donuts?

Stephanie: Every Sunday, she brings the team donuts and Monster energy drinks all week.

Tim: So why don't you do that?

Stephanie: I do it in reverse. After I fuck up, I bring them things after the shift.

Tim: I see. What about Cass?

Stephanie: She likes to fight.

Cassandra: Jason, get ready, 'cause I'm about to bring you fifteen Arkham escapees. All Rogues, no henches. Enjoy!

Jason: Aw fuck, come on!

[disastertwins9000]

a gift for the lovely @foerchen for making me love these two so much<333 we got jay and timmy asleep on the subway and two times jason is carrying tim (tim is also sleepy in the second one, not angst this time :p)

i also love the idea that sometimes they’ll wear regular clothes over their suits for comfort/ out of laziness

[sweet-precious-dumbass]

He learned it from someone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jason: “I’m NOTHING like Bruce, okay? We’re not even that similar. That’s all in your head.”

Dick, perched on Jason’s couch watching him gear up, sipping a Batburger shake: “so you’re NOT about to go deal with your emotions by going out on patrol and beating people up?”

Jason: *sets down the brass knuckles he was just holding* *stares off into the distance*

Jason: “These are just…for my — look, I don’t like your fucking tone, Richard.”

[jinslittledreamer]

When Dick finally slumped against him, Jason didn’t let go. He held his big brother’s limp frame, his breath coming in short, uneven bursts. He pressed a hand to Dick’s chest, feeling the faint rise and fall.

Jason’s breath was shaky, his face pale but resolute. “I’ll never forgive you if you die on me,” Jason murmured, his voice barely audible. “You hear me, Dickhead? I don’t care how bad it gets. You don’t do this.”

Jason's trembling hands gripped Dick’s shirt tightly, his knuckles white. “You’re not leaving me, Wing. You got that? You don’t get to leave me.”

Link to full fic on ao3

[sanwuich]

The first time Bruce held each of his children in his arms he felt a mixture of love and fear. The fact that they were so small and fragile made him want to protect them, but at the same time he was terrified that he couldn't. Alfred insisted that babies were stronger and more resilient than they looked and that they should be allowed to explore and learn about the world on their own, but Bruce refused to even let them fall.

He trained all of them from a young age so that no one could hurt them, he taught them to defend themselves from anything and to keep themselves safe so that when they became Robin or went their own way, he felt calmer knowing that they would always know how to protect themselves.

However, many times Bruce stood between them and a bullet, a punch, and an explosion because it didn't matter how old they were, how big they were, or how well trained they were, he was willing to risk his life to make sure that his boys, those he cared for and loved since they were babies, were always okay.

[danilights2021]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Nightwing and Red Hood standing on a rooftop eating roasted pumpkin seeds. A pigeon flies in]

Nightwing [tosses some seeds to the pigeon]: Hey birdie-birdie

Red Hood [seeing how quickly the pigeon ate the seeds]: Let's throw them one at a time

Nightwing: Ok, but in different directions, let him stretch his legs

[They throw the seeds one by one and watch the pigeon run back and forth to eat them. More pigeons fly in]

Red Hood: I bet you a flick that the gray one will grab the seed first!

Nightwing: challenge accepted! I'll bet on the one with the dark wing!

[Robin and Red Robin land on the roof]

Robin: Where were you two?!

Robin: Are you even going to patrol?

Nightwing [without taking his eyes off the birds]: Shhh! Don't scare them away!

Red Hood: See, I told you so! [gives Nightwing a flick]

Red Robin: What are you guys... Oh...

Red Robin: I'm betting on the light one, it seems to have a strategy!

Robin [looks at the birds, at the men, at the birds again]: its strategy may be a losing one!

Robin: I'm betting on that nimble one with the stripe!

[Eventually, everyone picks a pigeon, and when their pigeon grabs a seed, the winner gives everyone a flick. It's safe to say that none of them go patrolling Gotham that night]

[san-fics]

🔞

Jason: A common mistake women with small breasts make is to think that small breasts are a problem.

Dick: Are they also mistaken about the penis size? Say they are, say they are!

Jason: A common mistake women with small penises make is to think that small breasts are their main problem…

[freefallintothevoid]

Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.

There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.

You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.

I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!

Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.

Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.

By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.

It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.

It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.