#batfam incorrect quotes

[shyjusticewarrior]

Steph: The sexual tension between two gas stations on the same intersection.

Duke: I'm so sick of this shit.

Duke: Two gas stations can't even be on the same block without some walnut shipping them, while I can't find a single fic for Denny's/Applebee's with Denny's bottoming.

Tim: You're literally out of your mind if you think Denny's isn't a top.

Jason: I wish the 2012 apocalypse actually happened.

[myth0nerd]

Damian: Tim told me that brown is just navy orange, and for the last ten minutes I’ve been debating on verbally agreeing with him. …

Jason, over coms: I lost Damian. Dick: How did you LOSE Damian?! Jason: To be fair, they are very small. Dick: HE’S A CHILD

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Tim: I don't want to be Robin it feels sorta disrespectful and just weird.

Dick: Oh that sucks I would have loved for you to be robin.

(5 seconds later)

(Tim the Robin suit flying over Gotham.)

Tim: fuck Jason, Fuck Bruce, Fuck Joker!! Dick loves me more suck it losers

Dick:

Bruce:

Alfred:

Jason's Ghost:

Dick: They grow up so fast

[arkangelo-7]

Clark: What do you guys do for fun around here?

Jason: Somtimes we throw shit at Tim. Hey, Tim!

Tim: *sprinting away*

[cardinalcheerio]

Bruce: Your mental stability is in question.

Jay: and the answer is no.

[sanwuich]

he's my baby <3

[wothmzn]

Respawn: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Damian: For the dogs.

Respawn: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Damian: They don't know how.

[milkieeteaa]

Bruce to the batkids whenever Selina and him break up: i miss my wife kids, i miss her a lot.

This post was sponsored by the daily gays, your one stop place for gay dc news

[timdrakesplacenta]

Jason: Tim. *glares*

Tim: Jason.

Jason: You brat, dick said it was my turn on the Xbox

Tim: jason you idiot, I made my own xbox. I'm the smart one, remember?

Jason: okay well I want that one now

Tim: is this why you broke into titans tower that one time? To steal my state of the art Xbox??(I don't remember what happened in the issue because I didn't read it)

Dick: *walks in playing animal crossing* hi jaybird and Timothy! You two having fun?

Tim: both of you contribute more to my depression than Stephanie's death

Bruce: I hate being a dad.

[incorrect-batfam-quotes-mostly]

Bruce: Today I realised I'm old

Clark: What happened?

Bruce: I fell in the kitchen and instead of laughing, all my kids came running to see if I was ok

Clark:

Bruce: I saw fear in their eyes

[bbbbbbbbatman]

*in a group chat* Tim: lol im dying send help Dick: oof same Steph: me af Duke: rip, what's up man? Damian: Good. Tim: no like im legit dying Tim: some guy stabbed me in a mcdonald's parking lot Tim: the lol is habit Tim: *sends a blurry picture of himself dabbing in the ambulance*

6 people are typing...

[dickgraysonmybeloved]

Duke in the back of the Batmobile covered in paint: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Dick, in passenger seat as oldest rules staring absentmindedly out the window: They do.

Bruce, side eye in the cowl hits different: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

[anyknotrants]

-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-

Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?

Damian: *looks up* yes

Bruce: what do you think of her...?

Dick: *tries not to laugh*

Tim: *fails not to laugh*

Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*

Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?

Tim: He's trying to set you up!

Batkids -Damian: *laughs*

Damian: *stares blankly*

Bruce: of course, you don't hav-

Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?

Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*

Steph: *chokes on her drink*

Cass: *smiles*

Batkids: WHAT?!

Bruce: ... I-....

Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!

Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!

Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?

Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon

Damian: I was.

Dick: but you just-

Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*

Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*

Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!

-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-

Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep

Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner

Jon: hehe... fuck

[sprinkleofquirk]

Tim, on his 13th attempt to sneak out of the mansion to go on patrol with the flu and walking pneumonia: I didn’t “lose” my spleen. To lose something is to imply you don’t know where it is, and I know exactly where my spleen is; it just isn’t in my body-

Alfred, tired™ and armed with a tranquilizer: Even so, Master Drake, I must insist you get back into bed.

[confused-wanderer]

Dick: Hey Bart! How’s it hanging?

Kid Flash: We accidentally travelled back in time like ten years or so

Dick: what else is new

Kid flash: .. Tim ran into his younger self

Dick:

Tim *walking past them and muttering under his breath*

Tim *mimicking*: Look at me! I’m so young and dumb! Such an annoying kid my god no wonder our parents were always trying to get away

Dick:

Tim *mimicking*: I’m so happy I’m smiling!

Kid flash: He-

Tim: Just suffer like the rest of us you coward

Tim *mimicking*: That’s not fair!

Tim: oh! Look at that! LIFE’S not fair dumbass

Dick:

Tim: Waah I’ve been hurt! I want love! Please don’t leave me!

Tim: Fool. Shut up and carry on with that pain in silence like the rest of us. Pathetic I was never like that . People are overrated and crying is underrated.

Tim *mimicking*: Oh! Batman’s awesome! And so is Robin!

Tim: Batman’s a goddamn idiot. Robin.. well okay true for the first one. But the second? The second one is a BITC-