#incorrect batfamily quotes

[batfamgalore]

I like to imagine Dick just drops information about his life like how Alexis does in Schitt’s Creek, and the batfam is just like whaaaa, but he cuts them off before they can ask more questions.

*They just rescued Dick who has been held hostage for months*

Dick: So, this is weird. Today kinda marks the longest kidnapping I’ve had.

Tim: Kinda.

Dick: Yeah. The actual longest kidnapping I’ve been involved in was a three month kidnapping. But for the last two months of that I was debating becoming his apprentice to save my friends. Anyway-

*Bruce is forcing everyone to play two truths and a lie because he read that it was a good bonding opportunity*

Dick: My eyes are green. My suit is blue and black. And one time, I was stuck in the desert for a week with a random baby and I was able to get the baby to safety, but the two people I was with couldn’t make it very far.

Bruce: This is supposed to be easy, Dick.

Alfred: His eyes are blue, Master Bruce.

*Jason was kidnapped and it took longer than usual to find him*

Dick: Ever since Jason went back to his apartment you guys have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time I was taken hostage by Joker for weeks and no one answered my calls?

Everyone is too flabbergasted and Dick changes the subject so fast they can’t even ask him questions.

__________

[shortnsweetsposts]

Jason: Cooking together is NOT romantic, MOVE the fuck out of my way.

Reader: I'm tempted to stand in your way while you cook now.

Jason: I'll boil you next.

Reader: When he's a cannibal 😍🥰💖

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred: Why are you laying on the floor?

Tim: I lost something.

Alfred: What?

Tim: Balance.

[definitelysome1]

Tim: do you guys ever think about the fact that we’ve all hated someone here at one point?

Jason: what the hell are you talking about?

Tim: well, Dick you hated Jason when he first became Robin, right?

Dick: uhh, yeah I guess?

Tim: and Jason, you hated me when you came back from the dead.

Jason: I mean sure. I mostly hated B for replacing me and I took it out on you. But sure

Tim: I hated Damian when he first became Robin and he hated me

Damian: hm

Dick:I guess I see where you’re going, but what about Duke? He’s out of the loop isn’t he?

Tim: no. He hated you.

Dick: WHAT? You hated me Duke? Why???

Duke: you’re a cop dude… you know I hate cops

Dick: oh yeah i totally forgot that

Jason: HA! Get wrecked goldie

[demonicsuffrage]

During an argument

Jason: Oh yeah? Well, atleast I'm not a cop!

Dick: Atleast I'm not a priest in another universe!

Jason: Atleast I'm not a vampire king in another!

Tim: Atleast none of you is Evil Gun Batman!

Jason and Dick:

Tim: So, Shut Up.

[sweet-as-petrichor]

Bruce : Unless you're crime fighting, of course

dick: Is stabbing someone immoral?

tim: Not if they consent to it.

jason: Depends who you’re stabbing.

bruce: YES?!?

[theladydothtalktoomuch]

Green Thumb

Jason: FUCKING FOUR MONTHS— Duke, walking by : uhh what’s going on? Tim : uhhh well.. Jason: —THATS HOW LONG YOU ALL WATCHED ME WATER A FUCKING FAKE PLANT! Duke, looks at the fake plant : wait, didn’t you buy that? Tim : yeah— but I didn’t have the heart to tell him Jason : I PUT MY BLOOD, SWEATS, TEARS AND SOUL FOR THIS— AND FOR WHAT—

[thebatdorm]

Dick, thinking aloud, speaking to the ceiling: "He'd make a nice, strong..."

Tim, nodding sagely, not missing a beat: "Atomic bomb."

[islenthatur]

*wheezes* just imagined Dick and Jason having a stakeout on a rooftop to see a whole slew of guards. Dick: "Hey, let's do 'Get Help'" Jason: *deadpan look* "What?" Dick: "'Get Help'" Jason: "No" *looks back down at the guards* Dick: *pouts* "Come on. You used to love it." Jason: "I hate it..." Dick: "It's great! It works every time, come on Little Wing." Jason: *sighs exasperated* "It's humiliating" Dick: "Do you have a better plan?" Jason: "..." Jason: "No" Dick: "We're doing it" Jason: "We are not doing 'Get Help'"

all of a sudden the guards have Nightwing and Red Hood before them with Nightwing begging to get help and then tossing Jason like a Wing Ding.

[dyanasaur]

Flaming hot cheetos at home.

Dick: Something tells me Tim's going to be a way more unhinged today...

Tim, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Alfred isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

[kobkobold]

Flash and Green Lantern having a very mature and pertinent argument

Batman, raising his eyes from his tablet: The song is, in fact, called "Axel F", as it is a cover of the theme from Beverly Hills Cop and not an original song. Additionally, the character may have originally been called The Annoying thing, but its name was changed to Crazy Frog. You're wrong on both accounts, Lantern.

GL: Oh, God, not you too-hey, wait, since when did you know fuckall about Crazy Frog?!

Batman: Since my son began his obsession with that mind-numbing nudist.

Robin!Dick: He- he's not nude, though! A lot of cartoon characters are just drawn like that.

Batman: Robin.

Batman, still completely deadpan: You can see his penis.

[shortnsweetsposts]

Bat!reader: HOW TF DO YOU MAKE MICROWAVE POPCORN WITHOUT IT GETTING EVERYWHERE.

Damian: you're supposed to keep it in the bag

Bat!reader: Hell no. I ain't putting a PAPER bag in the microwave. I don't want it to catch on fire

Damian: you are dumb.

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick and Barbara: *kissing*

Damian: What the actual fuck?! Oh you sick, sick bastards.

Barbara: Listen, Damian—

Damian: This is incest!

Dick: No it's not.

Damian: Yes it is, Richard.

Dick: We're not related.

Damian: Oh and that makes it okay, I suppose?

Dick: Well it makes it not incest.

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: GET THIS MAN A COSTUME!!

Gordon: BATMAN HE’S EIGHT

Dick: AND YOURE AN OLD FART BUT YOU DONT SEE ME BRINGING THAT UP

i love battinson because i fully believe that he would not need to be convinced to make dick robin. dick says "i'm joining you" and bruce thinks "this kid is a freak in the exact same way as me. somebody get him a costume right fucking now."

[soulsforsales]

I really wanna kiss Jason Todd.

[gothamite-rambler]

Wally: The maniac's in the room with you!

Dick let out a shrill scream, his adrenaline kicking in as he darted around the darkened space, knocking over various objects in his frantic panic. Bruce sighed, shaking his head in exasperation.

Barry: I got this.

With a flick of the switch, Barry illuminated the room. As the harsh light flooded in, Dick froze, realizing he was all alone.

Dick (blushing): I'm the maniac!

Wally’s voice erupted through the comm device, causing Barry to let out a weary sigh, instinctively covering his eyes in resignation.

Bruce: You get used to it, but the headaches? Those never go away.

Barry: Yeah... yeah.