#batkids

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred: Why are you laying on the floor?

Tim: I lost something.

Alfred: What?

Tim: Balance.

[anonyunknownonearth]

😂🤣🤣

Jason’s “Get him boys” is killing me + the spelled out version of how Dick says squirrel, gosh

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

[san-fics]

Tim: I sleep so little that even coffee doesn't help me anymore

Dick: What makes you think that?

Dick: Did something happen?

Tim: Yeah

Tim: This morning I arrived at the Wayne Enterprises and at the entrance, instead of the turnstile, I held my pass up to the security guard...

Dick [laughs]: I'm scared to ask how he reacted...

Tim: This is the WE security guard we are talking about, who knows me by sight

Tim: besides, he probably saw the hollows under my eyes and decided not to traumatize my psyche any further

Tim: so he just made a loud beeping sound and stepped aside...

[superbat-love]

Batman may claim to have no powers, but Green Lantern knows better. He’s convinced that Batman’s cape is sentient.

Green Lantern has observed it on quiet nights in the Watchtower, when Batman thinks no one’s paying attention. He releases control over his cape, letting it unravel and float menacingly around him in different directions. It moves on its own, sweeping across nearby surfaces, carelessly knocking over items.

There’s one thing Green Lantern knows for sure—Batman’s cape has a sweet tooth. Every time Batman passes the candy bowl, it’s mysteriously emptied.

Even stranger, it seems to influence other capes. Once, while Batman was talking to Superman, their capes briefly touched, and Green Lantern saw Superman’s cape come to life—swirling and fluttering as though it had a mind of its own. Superman, unfazed, didn’t even react to the way their capes were flapping erratically around them. Green Lantern was relieved he didn’t have a cape.

He told the others about his theory, but they were skeptical at first. They eyed Batman’s cape with suspicion as he was distracted by a mission briefing with Wonder Woman. But even the Flash had to admit Green Lantern might be onto something when Batman’s cape swiped their feet out from under them, sending them both tumbling to the floor.

Martian Manhunter nodded sagely and agreed on its intelligence, having felt the minds of four little beings flitting around underneath Batman’s cape. Maybe one day they’d feel comfortable enough to run underneath his cape too.

[shyjusticewarrior]

Tim to Jason in Knight Terrors Robin, a summary

[dragonpyre]

Damian: I am the blood son!

Tim: yeah, not really a point of pride

[ilyalljasonsandnon-jasonsthesame]

You know what annoying thing I'm sure Bruce does? He's an only child raising a bunch of kids, but I don't think he understands the sibling dynamics or what playful banter is. So I think he'll see his kids "fighting" and think they're serious and lecture them about being nice to each other, meanwhile the batkids were just having fun and he spoiled the vibe.

I also think it might lead to a lot of misunderstandings, especially when he just got Jason and Dick was getting used to being a brother. For example, what if when Dick and Jason were still getting to know each other and beginning to get along like brothers Dick tried to be playfully "mean" to Jason (bc he'd heard that's the way most siblings are) and Bruce heard and immediately flipped out and started chastising him about being nice to his little brother? And Jason was hurt bc initially he had assumed that Dick was just playing but now that Bruce had said it he thought Dick was actually being mean to him and he was an idiot for thinking he was starting to like him? And Dick is just like "damn it, Bruce, I was playing but now he thinks I hate him, thanks a lot, you just undid a month of progress" but Bruce will never understand what he did wrong bc he is an only child.

[invinciblecrow]

Batcave rules (and who is the cause of them)

1: No dramtic flips in the cave (Dick.)

2: No feeding the actual bats that reside in the cave. (Damian)

3: Ask before driving the Batmobile (Tim)

4: No YouTube on the BatComputer.

5: No granola bars at the BatComputer. (Jason)

6: No perverse commentary in the cave. (Tim)

7: No laying on the cave floor (Early on Bruce)

8: No sleeping in the cave (Tim)

9: No Fire. Whatsoever. (Everyone after the ‘Campfire’ incident)

10: If Alfred says go to bed, there is no telling him that he is not your father and that therefore he has no say. (Bruce/Tim)

[theaceofarrows]

Pov: You're a batkid who's about to get forced into an ugly Christmas sweater

[mediacircuspod]

DC Writers: and by popular demand, this kid is dead!!!

DC Writers: …

Jason Todd: WHAT THE FUCK????

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick and Barbara: *kissing*

Damian: What the actual fuck?! Oh you sick, sick bastards.

Barbara: Listen, Damian—

Damian: This is incest!

Dick: No it's not.

Damian: Yes it is, Richard.

Dick: We're not related.

Damian: Oh and that makes it okay, I suppose?

Dick: Well it makes it not incest.

[san-fics]

[Dick and Jason are eating marshmallows, Titus is dancing in front of them on his hind legs, begging for a piece]

Damian [sternly]: Titus, we dance only for fun!

Damian: We don’t eat anything harmful to dogs.

Dick [biting off a piece of marshmallow and throwing it to Titus]: Here you go, buddy, you deserve it!

Jason [biting off a piece of marshmallow and throwing it to Alfred the Cat, who was silently watching the scene from a safe distance]: Here you go, Alfie, now you two can die together…

[sinti-chan]

Okay, I have headcanons that are very random.

Maybe the entire Wayne family knows how to wear heels.

For me, like any child, batkids and Batman wore at least their mothers' heels when they were children.

I mean, any kid would do that or has done it.

Bruce learned as a child because he was simply curious about how his mother looked so tall in heels, and also the ladies in the galas, just like the rest of the kids.

Dick also learned like Bruce, Some people from the circus also encouraged him, perhaps to exploit him to do trapeze acts in heels, who knows.

Jason just... can't use Or maybe yes, it depends on the type of heel, he is quite the lady when he wears some kind of elegant heel, he can walk in the 15 centimeter ones with a stiletto tip

Tim can just use it, there's no discussion on that.

Damian maybe, For me it's like walking barefoot through life.

Duke would steal his mother's high heels, makeup, clothes and accessories to make his own designer fashion show.

Girls were born to wear heels. They are divas. They eat, they don't fast, they are a buffet, not a snack, Photographers take pictures of them and they instantly appear in magazines.

Alfred helped them find heels for Robin's nest that Batman has.

Dude, picture this, the girls win a bet and make the guys wear heels, Dick and Tim wear flats, Jason falls down trying to put them, but Getting up instantly, and he do his catwalk like a diva with Duke , And Damian sitting on one side from behind looking at his brothers while he was barefoot While letting Stephanie put makeup on him, just for the bet.

[shyjusticewarrior]

Tim: How do I make it clear that I'm wearing gay flannel not country flannel?

Bernard: Converse instead of cowboy boots.

Steph: What if you're a gay cowboy?

Bernard: White cowboy boots.

[ilyalljasonsandnon-jasonsthesame]

Interactions I've had with my cousins + Batfam pt. 3

Damian: *throws a toy into an indoor garden at the mall*

Dick: *rummages around until he finds it*

Jason: shouldn't have gone looking for it, let him learn his lesson

Dick: Bruce literally got inside a fountain because you threw your toy car in it. Twice.

-

Tim: We are so young... But we're also so old... (He was on a philosophical rant that day)

Damian: *looks at Dick* You're old

-

*In a parking lot*

Bruce: Damian, come back here. You can't go by yourself, you could get run over by a car

Tim: No! Don't let him get run over!

Dick: Aw, don't worry-

Tim: He's holding Pete (a stuffed animal) :(

-

Damian has a suggestion every time he enters Dick's room:

Damian: *Points at Taylor Swift posters on the wall* Is that you?

Dick: (looks NOTHING like Taylor, is not even a girl) No?

Damian: Then why do you have her pictures?

Dick: She's a singer I like

Damian: Yeah, but why would you have somebody's pictures on your wall if it's not you? 🤨

Damian: *looks at Dick's stuffed animals* You need more

Dick: Oh, yeah?

Damian: Yes, you should buy at least 3 more by tomorrow

Damian: *opens the door* Your room is very messy

He also keeps track of all of Dick's figurines and notices when there are new ones.

-

*At a toy store*

Tim: Dick, can you buy us something?

Dick: Sorry, I only have 20 dollars on me right now (a lie)

Tim: Oh, okay :/

Damian: I don't believe you, show me your wallet

-

Tim: Where are you going?

Dick: Nunya

Tim: Nunya?

Dick: *didn't actually expect him to fall for it, now experiencing the 5 stages of grief knowing what he HAS to do* Nunya business

Tim: Hey :(

Dick: *crying inside* *Tells him exactly where he's going and everything he's doing for the rest of the day*

-

Tim: Dick, buy us toys

Dick: How did you behave this week?

Bruce: Tim is grounded bc he made Damian bleed. Damian behaved well

Dick: Aw, sorry, I can't buy you toys if you're grounded :(

Damian: Since Tim is not getting a toy this week, do I get two?

-

*Dick and Damian going to a store*

Damian: Psst, Dick

Dick: What is it?

Damian: Can you buy me something?

Dick: You know I can't buy you stuff if Tim isn't coming, if I'm buying something for one of you I have to buy for both of you

Damian: But he won't find out, I won't tell him, don't worry

-

*at the mall*

Dick: Hey, guys, I'm going to X store, do you wanna come?

Tim: Will you buy us something?

Dick: No, none of you behaved this week

Damian: Then no, thanks

Bruce: I'll go with you :)

Tim: What for? He's grown, he can take care of himself 🤨

-

Damian: *taking ages to choose which toy he wants*

Dick: *grabs stuffed animal* Hey, hadn't you said you liked this one earlier? (HE HAD!!!)

Damian: Ew, no, it's ugly

<< Prev