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Dick, angry: You thought you could keep it a secret.

Bruce: What do you mean, son?

Dick: You don't remember, do you? What you told me all those years ago? You told me that when an ice cream truck plays music that means it's out of ice cream.

Bruce: I'm sorry, I just assumed you discovered the truth about these things a long time ago.

Dick: Well, I didn't.

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[Watchtower cafeteria]

Clark, pointing at a plate of sushi: What is that?

Bruce: It's a regional dish from Earth.

Clark: *takes all the wasabi*

Diana: No, wait, that's wasabi.

Clark: *swallows it*

Hal: You've gotta be kidding me. He just— you just ate the whole ball.

Barry: Dude, are you okay?

Clark: I am feeling no discomfort.

Oliver: How? If I ate half that much, I'd be throwing up and crying in it.

Clark: The Kryptonian digestive system is quite resilient. My species evolved to draw nourishment from a wide variety of organic and inorganic matter.

Barry: Wait, so you can eat anything?

Clark: I can eat many things.

Oliver: Can you eat this napkin?

Clark: *takes a bite*

Barry: Hang on. Hang on.

Barry: *zooms away*

Barry, returning with a cactus: Can you eat this?

Diana: Oh, come on, Flash, don't. He's gonna hurt himself.

Clark: *bites the cactus*

Oliver: Come on. No way!

Arthur: What about this glass?

Clark: *eats the glass*

Hal: Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Barry: Hang on. I'm gonna find a bag of nails—

Intercom: Bridge to all Justice League members. We're receiving a priority one distress call. Report to the bridge.

Bruce: We're gonna come back to this.

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Duke: Well look who it is. My old friend. The conses of my quences.

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Comm. Gordon: You two have no clue what's going on here, do you?

Cassandra: Sir, we're superheroes. Of course we know what's going on here.

Stephanie: But why don't you tell us everything you know, just so we're on the same page.

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Damian: Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?

Tim: That's a trick question right?

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10-year-old Duke: Can you bring back Power Rangers? I don't know what it is you do, but you seem important enough to get that done.

Bruce: ...

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[first time babysitting Damian]

Jason: Um...

Damian:

Jason: You want a beer?

Dick: He's ten!

Jason: I don't know, what am I supposed to do with him?!?

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Tim: When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like, "What?!"

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[Justice League annual barbecue]

Bruce: One small announcement: due to a tragic misunderstanding, the Prettiest Cow Pageant has been replaced by a beef steak grilling competition.

Bruce, realizing: Oh no.

Bat-Cow: *grins*

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hi! i'm a bit new to social media. what's shadow banning? is that why your posts don't show up on my blog subs page?

On Tumblr, shadowbanning is when you lose access to DMs and your posts don't show up in the tags, only to people who follow you. It happens when the moderation bot incorrectly flags the content or if you received mass reports (I believe it's the former in my case)

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So I haven't been as active if you haven't noticed. I'm really trying to keep up with this blog even though Tumblr's shadowbanned me for the past month and a half for no reason + I'm bearing the brunt of my country falling apart (yay for being a disabled blue collar lesbian)

So if anyone has any headcanons, quotes (with sources), art, edits, memes, polls, ficlets, or other SFW posts in line with what I do here, please feel free to submit them—you'll be credited in the tags of course. I'm not gonna ask you to take on my real-life problems but I would appreciate a hand with this blog because it makes me too happy to stop running it

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Jon: Dami, do you think that your favorite animal says much about you?

Damian: You mean behind my back?

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Dick: My brother asked me to hold his ice cream without eating any and I was like, I love you kid but some lessons you have to learn the hard way.

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Bruce: Commissioner, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

Comm. Gordon: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Bruce: Oh no, I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.

Comm. Gordon: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Bruce: Yes. It's a regional dialect.

Comm. Gordon: Uh-huh. What region?

Bruce: Uh... Gotham?

Comm. Gordon: Really? Well, I'm from Five Points and I've never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.

Bruce: Oh, not in Five Points, no. It's a Bristol expression.

Comm. Gordon: I see.

Comm. Gordon: *takes a bite*

Comm. Gordon: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Batburgers.

Bruce: Oh, no. Patented Wayne Burgers. Old family recipe.

Comm. Gordon: For steamed hams?

Bruce: Yes.

Comm. Gordon: Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

Bruce: Uh... you know, the... one thing I should... excuse me for one second.

Comm. Gordon: Of course.

Bruce: *enters the kitchen, sees it's on fire, and swiftly leaves*

Bruce, pretending to yawn: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Comm. Gordon: Yes, I should be—

Comm. Gordon: *sees the light from the kitchen*

Comm. Gordon: GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!?

Bruce: Aurora Borealis?

Comm. Gordon: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?

Bruce: Yes.

Comm. Gordon: ...May I see it?

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Tim gets away with a lot because anytime Bruce says no to something Tim cries homophobia

Tim: I need $100,000 to excavate this abandoned warehouse for nuclear waste.

Bruce: Absolutely not.

Tim: This is homophobia.

Bruce: What–

Tim: From my own father. During Pride month, no less.

Bruce: I don't want you digging around nuclear waste, how is that homophobia?

Tim: I'm calling the media.

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Damian: Judge all you want, but...

Damian, pointing at the Dick: Dated a lesbian.

Damian, pointing at Selina: Left a man at the altar.

Damian, pointing at Tim: Fell in love with a conspiracy theorist.

Damian, pointing at Jason: Threw a guy's prosthetic arm in a fire.

Damian, pointing at Cassandra: Lived in a box.

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Dick: *knocks on Wally's door holding a chicken dinner*

Wally: Who is it?

Dick: It’s destiny, my love. Destiny and chicken.