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Bruce: Selina thinks I'm the funniest person alive. She just texted me "LOL."

Tim: "LOL" can mean a lot of things.

Bruce: It literally means "laugh out loud."

Duke: It's coded slang, Bruce.

Stephanie: Yeah, it's like when you see somebody and you're like, "Hey, we should get together soon." What you're actually saying is, "I hate that we ran into each other in this grocery store. Please leave me alone forever."

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Alfred: Why are you laying on the floor?

Tim: I lost something.

Alfred: What?

Tim: Balance.

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Dick and Barbara: *kissing*

Damian: What the actual fuck?! Oh you sick, sick bastards.

Barbara: Listen, Damian—

Damian: This is incest!

Dick: No it's not.

Damian: Yes it is, Richard.

Dick: We're not related.

Damian: Oh and that makes it okay, I suppose?

Dick: Well it makes it not incest.

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The Bistro Huddy quote made me realize superhero work isn't much different from customer service

The only difference between a Batburger employee bringing a table their Jokerized fries and a vigilante returning a stolen wallet is that vigilantes don't get tipped

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Jason: I know violence isn’t the answer, but, yes, it is.

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Saw something to do with Damian not realizing that Jason, Tim, ect aren't bruces bio kids

Thoughts 🤔

Damian: You don't love me.

Bruce: What makes you say that?

Damian: Because if you did, you wouldn't have birthed the others first.

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Stephanie: Why is Cass not on the schedule for Tuesday night?

Bruce: 'Cause I can't have you patrolling together on those slow nights anymore.

Stephanie: What? Why?

Bruce: Because all you do is stand on the rooftops talking, not running routes or watching your suspects.

Stephanie: That is not true. We always get our stuff done.

Tim: No, it gets done because I do it.

Stephanie: Did you complain to Bruce, Tim?

Bruce: It doesn't matter. The fact is, you and Cass work better when you don't work together.

Stephanie: I am SO mad at you.

Tim: How do you think I feel? Every Tuesday night it's you, Cass, and me, and I do seventy-five percent of the work while you guys talk about true crime podcasts.

Stephanie: You're such a hater.

Cass: Why am I not on Tuesday next week?

Stephanie: Because Tim is a baby.

Bruce: You and Steph aren't allowed to patrol together anymore unless it's a Friday or Saturday night.

Cass: What? You can't do that.

Bruce: I'm literally your dad.

Stephanie: So you're making me work with Tim and Duke every Tuesday night?

Bruce: I can't make you do anything. You're free to explore other vigilante opportunities. Maybe you'll find some other place that'll put up with your shenanigans.

Stephanie: I'll be back. Come on, Cass.

Stephanie and Cass: *leave*

Tim: Way to stay strong, Bruce.

Bruce: Well, I find that, as a father, you have to be firm. They'll be fine, you'll see.

Duke: Hey, Bruce, Steph just gave me tickets to a taping of The Voice on Tuesday night so Cass is gonna patrol for me.

Bruce: Stephanie!

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Damian: His name is Billy Batson. Don't you find that utterly ridiculous?

Dick: No.

Damian: That's because your name is Dick.

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Tim: Give yourself permission not to be accessible at all times. Ignore that voicemail. Leave that message on read. Turn off your phone. Don't answer emails. Destroy your SIM card. Burn your house down. Disappear under mysterious circumstances.

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Bruce: Just skip to the part that’s going to anger me.

Jason: That’s going to be all of it.

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Harper: Forcefem and forcemasc are OUT. We're force-emoing tonight.

Damian: I was force-emoed as a kid, actually. When I was a young boy, my father—

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The Batman theme except it's to the tune of HOT TO GO

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Bruce: Where's the Batmobile?

Jason: Why are you looking at me?

Bruce: You always lose it.

Jason: No, I don't lose it. I place it somewhere that later eludes me.

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I'm curious about the legal reasoning for banning Jason from putting up Christmas decorations...

Jason: *putting up his decorations*

Dick: *walks in wearing his cop uniform*

Jason: National Pig Day isn't 'til March first.

Dick: You're gonna have to take all that down.

Jason: Why?

Dick: *pulls out a law book*

Dick: First, you got your fireworks license revoked in July after you almost set downtown on fire. You also can't go over the property line into the neighbor's yard.

Jason: You mean Tim's empty house?

Dick: Rules are rules.

Jason: Is that all, Officer Scrooge?

Dick: The lights are distracting to drivers and the speakers violate several noise ordinances. The sleigh on the walkway go against the municipal fire code. You don't have a reindeer handling permit. And the height of that Christmas tree breaks every FAA restriction and poses a danger to aircraft. Where'd you get a tree that tall anyway?

Jason: Ivy owed me a favor.

Dick: You know what I have to do.

Dick: *writes a ticket and sticks it on Jason's forehead*

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Duke: The more I learn about the British government, the more it sounds like the setting for a generic YA dystopia. What the hell is a Shadow Cabinet? Are they not evil? There's something called a "Chief Whip"? A Lord Commissioner of the Great Seal? Does he keep the Dark One locked away?