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what do they get at cafes

Duke: Bruce, can we go to the Bat-Café?

Bruce: You know, I'm getting tired of all these businesses using my brand unlicensed.

Duke: Is that a yes or...

Bruce: Sure, I guess. Everyone, get in the car.

[at the Bat-Café]

Steph, the barista: Welcome to the Bat-Café. What can I get you?

Duke: I'll have a Signal, light ice.

Steph, tapping the screen: Small black coffee.

Alfred: What do you recommend?

Steph: Our most popular is Batman's Butler.

Alfred: He is quite a charming fellow. I will have that.

Steph: One London fog, got it.

Jason: I'll have the Red Hood.

Steph: Extra large flat white.

Barbara: What's the Two-Face?

Steph: It's one part espresso, another part espresso.

Barbara: I'll take that. Dick?

Dick: No coffee for me, but I'll try the Nightwing pastry.

Steph: Okay, that's a Two-Face and an apple bottom cake.

Damian: No caffeine for me, either. Unlike the rest of you, I respect my body. Give me your healthiest item.

Steph: One water.

Cassandra: What's the sidekick meal?

Steph: A Robin egg sandwich and Bat-Cow milk for $6.99.

Cassandra: I'll take that. Make the milk big.

Steph: What bread?

Cassandra: Surprise me.

Steph: Clayface sourdough it is.

Selina: I'll have the Sirens lunch.

Steph, tapping the screen: Tuna salad, green juice, and cherry bomb muffin.

Harper: I'll do a Token Bi. Cullen and Carrie also texted me. He wants a Token Gay and she wants a Token Ace.

Steph: Double dipper sandwich, fruit cup, and garlic bread.

Helena: I'll have the Italiano.

Steph: A cappuccino, americano, and macchiato blended in one cup.

Bette: What's the Flamebird?

Steph: It's a chicken wrap with hot sauce.

Bette: I'll one for myself and one for Kate.

Jean-Paul: I want vengeance.

Steph: We sell food here, sir.

Tim: I'll do a tea.

Everyone: *stares at him*

Tim: Just trying to beat the fanon allegations.

Bruce: What about you, Steph? You should get something too.

Steph: I've been duplicating every order. I have one of what each of you are having. Do you want anything?

Bruce: Yeah, I'll have a half-caf/decaf peaberry non-fat latte, steamed to 145 degrees, not too much foam, light cinnamon, shot of butterscotch. And the beignets.

Bruce: And I wanna buy this place.

Steph: Your total will be $1,099,000. Would you like anything Jokerized?

Bruce: This tiny place is a million?

Steph: This place is ten bucks and a pack of gum. The water was $999,900.

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Tim, talking about a new villain: His name is Raphael.

Harper: You were wasted by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

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love my little Creature 🦇

Based on this (poorly photographed in the back room of the book shop I volunteer at)

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Jason: With how often Barbara talks about rules I would think she'd be more upset with this.

Dick: Oh please, Barbara only learns the rules so she can break them more efficiently.

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Duke: What idiot named then jetskis instead of boatercycles?

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Bruce: You're going to take Zitka away from a little child?

Dick: How do you think I got her in the first place?

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We talk about Corensupes meeting Battison

but what about

Corensupes' Jon meeting Battinson's Damian

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[at a sleepover]

Damian and Jon: *playing video games*

Clark: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games?

Damian and Jon: ...

Clark: You two never went to sleep, did you?

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What your LEAST favorite batfam member says about you

Dick Grayson: You think life is over and people become shriveled-up hags at 30

Jason Todd: You're an Arrowfam stan

Tim Drake: Your favorite Robin is either Jason or Damian

Damian Wayne: You call children "crotch goblins"

Duke Thomas: You own something from your childhood that would be worth a lot of money now had you not taken it out of the original packing

Cullen Row: You've spent a lot of your early teens struggling to accept your identity and in doing so behaved like a douche on Roblox

Stephanie Brown: You created a TikTok to make fun of TikTokers but that doesn't change the fact that you're still on TikTok

Cassandra Cain: You were weirded out by the alt kids in school only to realize later in life they had more courage than you by expressing themselves without caring about what others think

Barbara Gordon: You had a college reading level in 6th grade that stopped mattering once you entered college where everyone was the same as you and you're still salty about it

Harper Row: Your parents didn't let you dye your hair

Carrie Kelley: You had an unhealthy relationship with a stranger on Discord where you learned the meaning of gaslighting firsthand

Kate Kane: You didn't like the Barbie movie

Helena Bertinelli: You had a crush on someone who was way out of your league but took a shot anyway and they rejected you and now every time you see someone pretty you seethe with envy

Luke Fox: You think you can take a grizzly bear in a fight when your only hobby is watching Twitch streamers and eating cool ranch Doritos

Bette Kane: You had a Wattpad Mary Sue self-insert who had all the members of One Direction falling for her and was a vampire wizard demigod that won the Hunger Games but that's a secret you plan on taking to your grave

Alfred Pennyworth: Britain fucked over your country

Selina Kyle: You know a lot about sex for someone who hasn't even gone on a date

Bruce Wayne: You stand by your guns when you say eat the rich and don't make exceptions for the "wholesome" billionaires

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Normally I don't promote non-fandom stuff but a friend of mine down in Louisiana is starting up her own autistic participatory research lab, which means all of the people who run it are on the spectrum themselves. They are currently looking for participants for her study on visual art as a form of stimming and autistic self-expression. This lab part of the communications department at Louisiana State University and is a not-for-profit affiliated with the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network (ASAN).

Here is a link to a post about their study, which runs until September 30th. It includes a survey and an optional Zoom interview with the study coordinators. One of the art pieces will be randomly chosen for a $100 prize draw. It's 100% voluntary and I had them show me that they could safely store or discard any personal information collected.

Even if you aren't on the spectrum or a visual artist (like me), you can still show your support by keeping tabs on their Instagram here, as they're doing both valuable disability advocacy alongside their research.

Please direct any questions to them. I'm just the messenger.

If you read this far, here's a headcanon as a reward:

Wayne Enterprises has contracts with local film studios to buy breakaway furniture for the bats' training

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Who is your favorite batfam character

The one who did that really stupid thing but who I can't help loving, like a puppy that acts innocent after chewing up my stuff

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Can I just say a big thank you for crediting your sources? THANK YOU FOR CREDITING THE MEDIA.

I try my best. Sometimes that means doing some digging around because other people aren't crediting who they should

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Stephanie: And now, a word from our lawyer.

Cassandra: *holds up a sign reading "DON'T"*

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Dick, annoyed: Why me?

Dick: We had amazing seats for Lady Gaga and then Tim goes and gets sick. I've been looking forward to that concert for months.

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Assigned Cop At Bludhaven

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Jason: I lost Damian. I turned around and he disappeared!

Bruce: I told you, never let him out of your sight. That goes double for zoos and science museums.

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Food from other media that makes sense in Gotham

- Blue milk

- Willy Wonka's chocolate factory

- Every war movie ration

- Scooby Snacks

- Gunk, Gak, and Blech from Webkinz

- Nuka-Cola

- (anything from Fallout really)

- Whatever the Sims set on fire before they obtain the cooking skill

- The dalgona from Squid Game in that if you break it you spontaneously die

- Nyquil Chicken