#tw: mention of mental illness
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pls donāt flirt with me i want to be nonchalant so bad but i unfortunately crave connection so intensely that i will give you my entire soul and forgive you over and over until iāve lost myself completely and feel like iām drowning
#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually bpd#sadgirl#depressing shit#mental health#mental illness#mentally fucked#mentally unstable#disordered eating mention#actually mentally ill#sad thoughts#self h@rm#suic1de#bpd stuff#substance addiction#substance abuse#shitpost#addiction#bpd feels#borderline personality disorder#tw depressing thoughts#girls who do hard drugs#ed culture#eating disoder trigger warning#sadnees#actually borderline
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Iām Trans and Insane and Iām doing fine.
[TW Psychosis, transphobia, psychophobia, medication, psych ward]
āAre you sure ?ā she asked.
I remember looking back at her in disbelief, because that was certainly a question I never asked her when she came out.
āWhy do you ask ?ā I say.
āDude, Iāve seen you go into depersonalization so hard you even thought you were a human soul in a robot vessel and now, you want me to trust you when you say that you, too, are trans ?ā
Thatās the memory that comes back to me as I fold and put in my bag my psychiatristās note attesting that I suffer from gender dysphoria, NOT LINKED to any psychotic symptoms. Here it goes in my folder with my prescription note, an increase - again - of my anti depressants and Xan, and my endocrinologistās HRT prescription, increased too - finally.
I go to two separate pharmacies to pick up each prescription for two reasons:
There is only one in this godforsaken town that always had testosterone in stock.
I canāt explain to you with words the look you can get when you give back to back, to someone who, despite not being a doctor, works in healthcare, a note for trans HRT and then a note for psychiatric meds.
And Iām lucky, because Iām not taking antipsychotics anymore. Contrarily to what you could think, it doesnāt magically makes the voices and the shadowy people disappear, but it can make a mess of your head pretty bad and my doctor and I both agreed that I didnāt need more damage up here than what I already had. And no, it doesnāt make your delusions vanish magically too: in fact, I was still pretty certain that I was talking to my soul family out here in Argentine telepathically about my mission on Earth, the meds just made it more difficult to understand their voices, but the belief was still solid.
Anyways, Iām back home with the Hoy Grail I fought tooth and nails to get: a letter from the Sacred Council of Mental Sanity also known as Psychiatry that I was, indeed, a bit delulu, but also trans, and that both things didnāt play into each other. My transness wasnāt a delusion, my delusions didnāt have anything to do with being trans.
Or did it ?
Chicken or egg, you know the drill. Did I have my selves fractured before and one of the piece that shattered my brain happened to make me trans or was I just trans with a shitload of traumas in the back that made me insane ?
But donāt worry, at least, trans people when weāre together, we have each otherās back ! Right ?
āTransidentity ISNāT a mental illness !! We donāt DESERVE to be FORCIBLY LOCKED UP and MEDICATED and MADE TO CONFORM FOR OTHERāS SENSE OF SECURITY !!ā
Neither do I, RIGHT ?
Oh
Or do I ?
Remember what she said, my girlfriend, right at the beginning ?
How I canāt be trusted about myself when sometimes I donāt even have a sense of self anymore or I have too much selves who fight against each other ?
And what do we say to that ?
Get treatment. Get in-patient. Take medication. And for the love of God, shut the fuck up about it, youāre giving us a bad name.
Because being trans and crazy canāt exist. Itās absurd. You have to fix one of these two things. Choose which jacket Iāll wear, and they call it a straitjacket for a reason it seems, so am I queer or am I insane ?
All I know today is there isnāt a universe in which Iām a trans without any mental illnesses, or mentally ill without being trans. And yet, I canāt tell you how many time I got asked ādo you think youād be trans if you never got through [x trauma] ?ā. I. Donāt. Know. Iāll never know. And I deserve just as much agency as you get despite being mentally ill. If you donāt believe in that, donāt come yapping about āliberation for all of usā, but āif one of us is crazy theyāll all think I am too and that canāt happenā.
No LGBTQIAA+ person deserves to be told they need to be put away, to be cured, to be allowed out in the open only if theyāre deemed āacceptableā by societyās standards. And no mentally ill people deserve to either.
No trans person should be going through years of counseling to have the access to HRT.
And I shouldnāt have had to threaten my own motherās life to avoid being locked in an adult psych ward at 14.
If you ever think, for one second, that these two things have nothing to do with one another, you are far removed from history.
To hear queer people say āyeah but some mentally ill people are dangerous !ā feels like you donāt even know where you come from.
And if I want to say, that me being trans is linked to me being mentally ill, or at least, that both are connected in a way, all hell breaks fucking loose.
So Iāll explain very carefully.
See, when I was young, my mind got shattered into a thousand of pieces I had to try to glue back on. All these pieces of myself broke further more down the line because I couldnāt catch a fucking break. And now, it happens that the final puzzle does not have the same face it had before. It happens that its shape changed over time, for reasons over the control of all of us who tried to build ourselves back. Now thereās a bigger picture, less pieces, a few other shadows, and me. Built from the shatters. With my own needs and afflictions.
And whoever you are, whatever your agenda might be, I will not let anyone take any agency away from me under the false pretext that I canāt know anything for myself. They say that about children, they say that about minorities, about physically disabled people, about the people they want OUT. And my trans siblings, you know that.
I came out for the first time 7 years ago, to my then girlfriend, who was the one asking the question that is the first sentence of this text. I came out a second time 3 years ago. Been on HRT, had top surgery, had psychotic breaks, got my meds changed, switch therapist.
Because I am trans and crazy. And yet, all these choices I made, I made myself. It didnāt have to be that hard to get the basic care I needed. It didnāt need to be. But it WAS. And Iām part of the lucky crowd of people who had access to out-patient treatment, who never have been locked up in ward, who managed to stay alive through meds withdrawals without medical assistance when I had no therapist.
Be very careful of when you start to put conditions on the rights you think you deserve. Be very, very careful about your definition of sanity and of how it warps the way you see people. When you start to say āI have access to that, but thereās people like X or Y who shouldnāt BECAUSEā, pause and ask yourself what led you to think this way. More often than not, youāll find yourself playing the same mind games as the ones you swore to fight against, and when it gives them the upper hand, they wonāt hesitate to come for you after that.
#lgbtqiaplus#ftm#trans#transgender#mental illness#trauma#tw trauma#tw psychophobia#psychophobia#tw psychosis#lgbtqia#genderqueer#ftx#trans rights#actually psychotic#psychotic disorders#psychosis#psychosis mention#neurodivergency#trans mental health#queer#transmasc#trans issues#psychodivergency#mad pride#insanity#anti psychiatry#psychiatry#actually mentally ill#madpunk
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As unhealthy as you perceive any food to be, it is much more unhealthy to be scared of the act of eating.
-Mod Worthy
#tw eating disorders#mental health#ED mention#mental illness#ed recovery#healthism#ableism#fatphobia#fat liberation#Mod Worthy
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Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough?Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough? Why canāt I be good enough?
#actually bpd#bpd vent#bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd safe#bpd fp#bpd culture is#bpd problems#bpd feels#bpd stuff#borderline personality disorder#mental illness#disordered eating mention#tw ana blĆøg#tw ed but not sheeran#tw a4a#tw 3d vent#tw thinspi#tw ed sheeran#tw eating issues#@tw edd#ed relapse#ana buddie#tw ana rant#ana is my friend#pro rexy#pr0an4#pr0a#pr0anna#4norexla
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date idea: take me to the closest lake and drown me
#actually tho cuz my life is fucking cursed and i want it to end pls n thanks <3#bpd shitposting#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#bpd#actually borderline#bpd vent#bpd fp#bpd favorite person#bpd mood#bpd problems#tw sui mention#sui ideation#passive suicide#iām not doing well#(donāt report just block if u have an issue w my content)
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#coquette#morute#girlblogging#lana del rey#girlblogger#girlhood#female hysteria#just girly things#lizzy grant#hell is a teenage girl#rottencore#rotten art#rotten girl#morute aesthetic#depressing shit#tw depressing thoughts#i am really really exhauated of the mental and verbal abuse im experiencing#actually mentally ill#mental health#mental illness#positive mental attitude#disordered eating mention
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soap scum
(ione meraki 2024)
#poets on tumblr#writers on tumblr#spilled poetry#original poem#poems and poetry#writers and poets#poem#poetry#poems on tumblr#prose#spilled poem#spilled writing#spilled words#spilled thoughts#spilled ink#tw ocd mention#tw mental illness#original poetry#poetry and prose#writing poetry#prose poetry#poetic prose#prose poem#creative writing#poetblr#writeblr#writer stuff#writerscommunity#iiās poetry
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the feeling of getting worse is so comforting
#cvtaddict#cvtblr#cvtt!ng#sh cvt#small cvts#thigh cvts#arm cvts#baby cvts#cvt#deep cvts#@na motivation#@tw edd#@nor3Ć14#@na vent#@n@ diary#tw ana rant#tw ed ana#tw ana blĆøg#@tw ed#ed but not ed sheeran#ed blogg#eating disoder trigger warning#disordered eating mention#3ating disord3r#3ating d1sorder#shblur#sh things#shitpost#depressing shit#actually mentally ill
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how to k1ll yourself without disappointing anyone no borax no glue
#mentally fucked#self h@rm#actually mentally ill#tw depressing thoughts#tw s3lf harm#cvtt!ng#cvtblr#ugh#tw sui vent#tw sui implied#suic1de#tw sui ideation#sui mention
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Full stomach= nasty feeling, nauseating, disgusting, fat pig, uncomfortable
Empty stomach= beautiful, angelic, comforting, it girl, worthy, confident
#ed disorder#tw restrictive ed#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ed diet#disordered eating mention#eating disoder trigger warning#disordered eating cw#mental illness#mentally fucked
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every day, i feel less and less real ā¶ā.Ė
#3ating d1sorder#3d but not sheeren#3d f4st#3d not sheeran#4nor3xia#4norexla#tw 3d vent#tw ed ana#āļøve#āļø ing motivation#mental health#mental illness#actually mentally ill#disordered eating mention#dissacociation#dissociation#actually dissociative#dissasociation#dissasociative#cw vent#vent post#vent#venting#personal vent#vent ish#hell is a teenage girl#girl interrupted
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#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually bpd#sadgirl#depressing shit#mental health#mental illness#mentally fucked#mentally unstable#actually mentally ill#disordered eating mention#self h@rm#suic1de#bpd stuff#substance addiction#sad thoughts#substance abuse#anxienty#addiction#actually borderline#shitpost#trauma#eating disoder trigger warning#ed culture#bpd feels#tw depressing thoughts#tw drugs
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If you see any videos online of a mentally ill person in public being filmed without their consent, please report it as harassment. Examples include: a video of someone talking to someone who isn't actually there, a video of someone having strange or erratic behaviors, a video of someone speaking gibberish or talking incoherently, etc.
This is a huge violation of the person in the videos privacy and extremely disrespectful. They could be having the worst day of their life. They could be homeless with no support system or access to care, with nowhere else to be but in public. They might not see that you are filming, and have no idea or control over who sees them in a vulnerable state. Please consider the feelings and safety of the people in these videos, they are already going through enough as it is, you don't need to add to their problems by filming, posting, or even just watching these videos.
No one is better than the mentally ill people in these videos. Everyone is capable of having a mental health crisis that leads to strange behavior in public. How would you feel if someone posted your worst moments online for people to laugh at? These are human beings that deserve the same amount of respect as anyone else in the world. Yes, even if they are homeless, or on drugs, or swearing, or dirty, or disturbing the peace of a public area. That is a human being no matter what.
As someone with schizophrenia, it's so disgusting how often I come across videos like that online (yes, even on Tumblr). A lot of these "strange" behaviors that are being filmed are literally just symptoms of mental illnesses like schizophrenia. The person cannot control what they are doing, and might not be aware that it is perceived as strange. It's also important to acknowledge that people with severe and persistent mental illnesses are at an increased risk of violence by others, homelessness, substance use disorders, being arrested, and being involuntarily committed into psychiatric facilities. Alienating us and reinforcing stigma against us can contribute to those risks. It's also worth noting that paranoia is a symptom of schizophrenia, and knowing that people are willing to film us in public to ridicule us at our vulnerable moments is extremely paranoia inducing. This can cause us to fear going out in public, which leads to isolation, which makes the symptoms of schizophrenia worse.
There is so much risk associated with the filming, posting and viewing of these videos. Plus it further dehumanizes a disenfranchised minority. Is it really worth it? Is the few seconds of "entertainment" really worth all this distress you are causing?
If you want to advocate for mentally ill people, or even just care at all, you must stop this from happening. Don't film people in public without their consent. Don't post videos of people in public without their consent. Don't like, share or comment on videos of people in public filmed without their consent, it just boosts it in the algorithm. Report any instances of this that you see, even if you think "this one's not that bad" or "the person doesn't seem distressed in this one" or "okay but this one is actually funny", no excuses, report it.
#im so tired of this#tw surveillance#tw filming in public#tw drug mention#schizophrenia#mental illness#neurodivergent#nd#psychosis#schizophrenic#actuallyschizophrenic#mental health awareness#pseriouslypsychotic
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yall i had a mental health evaluation today, therapy tomorrow and a consultation on thursday š
they think i have bpd (best person disorder)
#3ating d1sorder#@n@ buddy#ana omad#ana y mia#anabl0g#anabllrr#ed but not ed sheeran#ed rant#l0w c4l#low cal restriction#tw ana blĆøg#tw 3d vent#tw ed ana#tw ana rant#mental illness#actually mentally ill#disordered eating mention#self h@rm#skin&bones#skinandbones#vent#šÆļøas a feather#šÆļø as a šŖ¶#light as a feather#w3ight l0ss#4n@diary#diary#i wanna be sk1nn1#tw skipping meals#i need to cvt
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I just love making these types of memes. I'll probably make more lmao
#disordered thinking#tw disordered content#mental illness#eat1ng dis0rder#disordered eating cw#ed male#ana male#4nor3xia#tw ed sheeran#pro for me not for thee#boy ana#āļø ing motivation#disordered eating mention#mental illness memes#@n@ memes#@na memes
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sometimes a comfort show isnāt a sitcom or a romance or even remotely lighthearted. sometimes a comfort show is a survival/horror series about girls doing cannibalism and cult activities in the wilderness to survive
#eden speaks#yellowjackets#yellow jackets#tw cannibalism#tw cult#<- for the mentions#i thought iād maybe be normal when i got into this show but no. mental illness#finished s2 and i cannot stop pacing around my room thinking abt it#i am HOOKED iām afraid#tv shows#shauna shipman#shauna sadecki#horror#jackie taylor#taissa turner#misty quigley#natalie scatorccio#lottie matthews#van palmer#vanessa palmer#travis martinez#ben scott#javi martinez#laura lee#jeff sadecki#yellowjackets memes
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