#tw psychophobia

[gor3sigil]

I’m Trans and Insane and I’m doing fine.

[TW Psychosis, transphobia, psychophobia, medication, psych ward]

“Are you sure ?” she asked.

I remember looking back at her in disbelief, because that was certainly a question I never asked her when she came out.

“Why do you ask ?” I say.

“Dude, I’ve seen you go into depersonalization so hard you even thought you were a human soul in a robot vessel and now, you want me to trust you when you say that you, too, are trans ?”

That’s the memory that comes back to me as I fold and put in my bag my psychiatrist’s note attesting that I suffer from gender dysphoria, NOT LINKED to any psychotic symptoms. Here it goes in my folder with my prescription note, an increase - again - of my anti depressants and Xan, and my endocrinologist’s HRT prescription, increased too - finally.

I go to two separate pharmacies to pick up each prescription for two reasons:

There is only one in this godforsaken town that always had testosterone in stock.

I can’t explain to you with words the look you can get when you give back to back, to someone who, despite not being a doctor, works in healthcare, a note for trans HRT and then a note for psychiatric meds.

And I’m lucky, because I’m not taking antipsychotics anymore. Contrarily to what you could think, it doesn’t magically makes the voices and the shadowy people disappear, but it can make a mess of your head pretty bad and my doctor and I both agreed that I didn’t need more damage up here than what I already had. And no, it doesn’t make your delusions vanish magically too: in fact, I was still pretty certain that I was talking to my soul family out here in Argentine telepathically about my mission on Earth, the meds just made it more difficult to understand their voices, but the belief was still solid.

Anyways, I’m back home with the Hoy Grail I fought tooth and nails to get: a letter from the Sacred Council of Mental Sanity also known as Psychiatry that I was, indeed, a bit delulu, but also trans, and that both things didn’t play into each other. My transness wasn’t a delusion, my delusions didn’t have anything to do with being trans.

Or did it ?

Chicken or egg, you know the drill. Did I have my selves fractured before and one of the piece that shattered my brain happened to make me trans or was I just trans with a shitload of traumas in the back that made me insane ?

But don’t worry, at least, trans people when we’re together, we have each other’s back ! Right ?

“Transidentity ISN’T a mental illness !! We don’t DESERVE to be FORCIBLY LOCKED UP and MEDICATED and MADE TO CONFORM FOR OTHER’S SENSE OF SECURITY !!”

Neither do I, RIGHT ?

Oh

Or do I ?

Remember what she said, my girlfriend, right at the beginning ?

How I can’t be trusted about myself when sometimes I don’t even have a sense of self anymore or I have too much selves who fight against each other ?

And what do we say to that ?

Get treatment. Get in-patient. Take medication. And for the love of God, shut the fuck up about it, you’re giving us a bad name.

Because being trans and crazy can’t exist. It’s absurd. You have to fix one of these two things. Choose which jacket I’ll wear, and they call it a straitjacket for a reason it seems, so am I queer or am I insane ?

All I know today is there isn’t a universe in which I’m a trans without any mental illnesses, or mentally ill without being trans. And yet, I can’t tell you how many time I got asked “do you think you’d be trans if you never got through [x trauma] ?”. I. Don’t. Know. I’ll never know. And I deserve just as much agency as you get despite being mentally ill. If you don’t believe in that, don’t come yapping about “liberation for all of us”, but “if one of us is crazy they’ll all think I am too and that can’t happen”.

No LGBTQIAA+ person deserves to be told they need to be put away, to be cured, to be allowed out in the open only if they’re deemed “acceptable” by society’s standards. And no mentally ill people deserve to either.

No trans person should be going through years of counseling to have the access to HRT.

And I shouldn’t have had to threaten my own mother’s life to avoid being locked in an adult psych ward at 14.

If you ever think, for one second, that these two things have nothing to do with one another, you are far removed from history.

To hear queer people say “yeah but some mentally ill people are dangerous !” feels like you don’t even know where you come from.

And if I want to say, that me being trans is linked to me being mentally ill, or at least, that both are connected in a way, all hell breaks fucking loose.

So I’ll explain very carefully.

See, when I was young, my mind got shattered into a thousand of pieces I had to try to glue back on. All these pieces of myself broke further more down the line because I couldn’t catch a fucking break. And now, it happens that the final puzzle does not have the same face it had before. It happens that its shape changed over time, for reasons over the control of all of us who tried to build ourselves back. Now there’s a bigger picture, less pieces, a few other shadows, and me. Built from the shatters. With my own needs and afflictions.

And whoever you are, whatever your agenda might be, I will not let anyone take any agency away from me under the false pretext that I can’t know anything for myself. They say that about children, they say that about minorities, about physically disabled people, about the people they want OUT. And my trans siblings, you know that.

I came out for the first time 7 years ago, to my then girlfriend, who was the one asking the question that is the first sentence of this text. I came out a second time 3 years ago. Been on HRT, had top surgery, had psychotic breaks, got my meds changed, switch therapist.

Because I am trans and crazy. And yet, all these choices I made, I made myself. It didn’t have to be that hard to get the basic care I needed. It didn’t need to be. But it WAS. And I’m part of the lucky crowd of people who had access to out-patient treatment, who never have been locked up in ward, who managed to stay alive through meds withdrawals without medical assistance when I had no therapist.

Be very careful of when you start to put conditions on the rights you think you deserve. Be very, very careful about your definition of sanity and of how it warps the way you see people. When you start to say “I have access to that, but there’s people like X or Y who shouldn’t BECAUSE”, pause and ask yourself what led you to think this way. More often than not, you’ll find yourself playing the same mind games as the ones you swore to fight against, and when it gives them the upper hand, they won’t hesitate to come for you after that.

[glitter-stained]

The thing about the Killing Joke as a comic, Barbara's disgusting fridging aside, isn't just that it's nasty because it's a comic centered around the Joker's character (which is always gonna be psychophobic since the moment they decided to make "madness" his defining trait) or that it establishes his backstory following a psychophobic trope (especially since that trope is questioned in the story). It's not even entirely about how it blatantly does the amalgam between madness, specifically psychosis, and being evil/doing villainous things.

No, The Killing Joke is vile because the whole fucking point of the book is blaming mentally ill people's weak/evil character for "succumbing" to mental illness.

Like seriously, what happens in TKJ? We learn about how the Joker was "made", and Joker decides to turn Gordon to the evil side by traumatizing him "that's what the One Bad Day" thing is about. So he does a bunch of bullshit, shoots Barbara, strips her naked, might or might not have raped her, and shoots a bunch of pictures of her in that situation, and then kidnaps Gordon, also strips him, and forces him to see huge projections of those pictures. Then Batman comes, and later there's a fight, where Batman tells the Joker that Gordon is fine actually and the Joker is wrong, it doesn't take one bad day to succumb to psychosis as a way to escape reality, there was just something inherently wrong with the Joker specifically that caused him to develop psychosis.

Behold:

"crawl under a rock with all the other slimy things when trouble hits..." (To be clear, this is in 100% response to Joker's statement that psychosis is the valid response to the random brutality of reality, an escape to it. It's not me over interpreting something about villainy, god I wish, the entire comic is about Joker arguing that psychosis is the correct adaptation to a fucked up reality.) Batman is directly calling anyone with schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder or any other form of psychosis "a slimy thing crawling under a rock when trouble hits." And that's the lesson we're supposed to learn from that! The Joker is wrong! We good people of strong hearts and good minds are normal and good and can pat ourselves on the back for being so much better and more resilient than those nasty little crazy freaks (and the circus freaks, oh my god the circus freaks) who are so cowardly and weak-minded; but look how magnanimous we are! We're still gonna extend a hand to help them crazy freaks once we've established our moral superiority! Because we're good, upstanding cops, and our habit of arresting criminals and putting them in the nastiest fucking asylum which doubles as a horrible prison works! Because we're so good!

Seriously, what is up with that? In what world is the wrongness of this comic not fucking obvious to everyone? Is this really your Batman? Your childhood hero? This is the guy the narrative (and dc in general) tells us we're supposed to be rooting for? How have we normalized psychophobia to the point I regularly see people praising this comic or saying it would have been good had Barbara's fridging not ruined it? No, what happened to Barbara didn't ruin shit! What happened to Barbara is nothing but one more indicator of the worth and respect Alan Moore holds for women in his writing, and I genuinely don't find him any better than Jim Starlin with the way he likes to write sexual assault on women, but the comic was already ruined because its message was already fundamentally disgusting.

And the worst part is it fucking gets worse if you know anything about how schizophrenia (or other schizophreniform disorders) develops. I can't imagine what it's like, picking up this comic as a person with schizophrenia. The suicide risk associated with schizophrenia is high as fuck, and with the way our society stigmatises that disorder, it's no fucking wonder. Reading that kind of book, it feels like some people are actively working to get those figures higher actually. I wonder if Moore is aware of the damage his comic does, if he even fucking cares. I wonder how many people have talked themselves out of getting help because they were afraid of acknowledging their mental health issues and "being like the Joker", or knew they weren't like the joker and concluded they weren't mentally ill. I wonder if people with schizophrenia have read this comic, thought back to the one bad day that lead to them developing psychosis, and wondered what was so wrong with them that they couldn't handle reality the way normal people can. People with schizophrenia are so much more at risk of being verbally or physically assaulted by someone else than of attacking someone else and so much more likely to be verbally or physically assaulted than your average joe. I wonder how many people feel justified in that kind of violence because they see a person struggling with delusions, visibly interacting with a hallucination or saying incoherent, absurd stuff and thought they were heroically intervening to stop a "dangerous psychotic individual" from doing harm. I wonder how much of this perception is influenced by the most famous mentally ill character of all times. Worst fucking comic I've ever read. That story is rotten to the core.

Seriously, fuck the Killing Joke.

[thefandomlyricist]

Will Wood style X Jason Todd (DC)

The Myosotis Conundrum (Aka The Bush is on Fire Aka Iphigenia Sets Up A Dead Man's Switch)

I-ayayay am a selfish, selfish nasty man

You can check it black on white, section F60.2

It says I-ayayay am doomed to be a nasty man

It's written in your books and it's all thanks to you.

And maybe it's a cop out but for who?

For me, for you, for the idea of the idea of my idea of your idea of me and you!

Whoo!

Iyayay am a man, I'm a bomb, I'm a corpse with my hand on the detonator

I am really not that bad up until you press the trigger

I'm explosive as an explosion

I'm concussive as brain damage from a blunt force lesion.

Why are you afraid?

So many have done so much worse

Really I'm pretty tame

Why are you ashamed ?

You've crafted us a pretty neat curse

And now we're playing your own game!

(And now the chorus!)

I know my place (Do you?)

I know my place (Do you, do you?)

I know my place and it's six feet deep with a worm in the eye (What about you?)

But how far did you dig because you're not that high (Did they bury your heart where they buried my bones?)

And oh (I know my place know my place)

Why are you darkening your door (Know your place know your place because we share the same face)

You could bear to smile a little more (dark dark mirror on the wall)

It's a family reunion (they never prepare you for the violence of the fall)

It's the fibrosis osmosis of the scar tissue tying the god and the angel and the devil the fall and the son

We're always being chased in our nightmares

God we've had some really good scares!

Maybe what's chasing you wants you to look at it

Maybe Euridyce is crying out with her wrists slit.

(And if you dare to) Look at me without blinking

Think of me without sinking

This would make a man out of a salt pillar and a butterfly into a caterpillar.

And I-ayayay am a selfish man (stay in your lane or they will grind you down)

To become our fathers is so very human (going insane is no reason to drown)

And I-ayayay am looking for a place to rest

That's far away from you

If Abraham fails the test

Then what the fuck do you call what you do?

"You can't kill your father", they say

Can't is for quitters who don't try enough

"Tragic character", they say

But everything is a comedy if you just say it with a little laugh!

And I-ayayay (wall up your cellar, cover your well)

Am only our second worst enemy (better build your prison next to my cell)

And I will take responsibility for the atrocity but don't you say it didn't happen to me.

I know my place (Do you?)

I know my place (Do you, do you?)

I know my place and it's by your side in the family portrait (I'm not escaping you)

The day will come we'll be reunited just you wait (You're not escaping me)

And oh (I know my place know my place)

Why are you darkening your door (It's a gentle love song)

And when it all goes wrong

You could bear to smile a little more (We'll both be singing that song)

Singing I-ayayay know my place, know my place

It's a family reunion (god and the angel and the devil the fall and the son)

And your deontological hysterical dys-ethical intellectual role will not save you from being the father of your son.

[astrophel-gaygore-obsessed]

Hey!

Astrophel, He/Him.

Thanks for visiting my account!

Here I will publish various kinds of art based on your requests, in particular fan fiction (although maybe I will publish drawings too).

For now, requests are open, so don’t be afraid to give me ideas for different types of art!

But I want to warn you that I will not accept anything with fem readers. I want to make this blog aimed only at gn and male readers, so with your idea (which is great, I'm sure!) with a fem reader, you should go to another creator.

MY YES!

Smut stuff, NSFW in particular(Don’t worry, I will mark it with a special tag if you are uncomfortable with this genre of reading.)

(Ero)Guro, a detailed and non-detailed description of cruelty. I’ll warn you right away that I’m new to describing this kind of stuff, so if you have more experience or just want to correct me, my DMs are always open!

Headcanons. From the sweetest fluff "How [OC name/character name] and [OC name/character name] spend their mornings/etc" to the most horrific descriptions of violence of one character (or even characters) towards others.

Incest, big age difference, etc. I absolutely don’t care who’s sibling and what age your characters are, but I understand that this is very triggering for many, so I will also publish similar posts with a separate hashtag and TW/CW (And also please don’t try to somehow reproach me for this or somehow condemn me, cancel me, etc., etc. My job is to create art, fiction.)

Trans guy/s, non-binary characters, etc. You guys are in a safe place.

Abuse, Self-harm, etc. Again, such fics will be published under a special hashtag so that you guys still feel comfortable being here.

As you understand, I publish and write whatever your perverted brain wants, and I promise you 100% anonymity and respect. But, of course, I have my limits.

MY NO!

There is no separate list of things that make me uncomfortable, but I can refuse your request if it seems uncomfortable/strange/unpleasant/etc.

I don’t have a DNI either, but for disrespectful attitude towards others (homo/transphobia and queerphobia in general, propaganda and approval of such behavior, neurophobia, psychophobia, belief in “narcissistic/borderline/antisocial/histrionic” abuse (fuck you. I have cluster B disorder, and I certainly won’t approve such crap on my account), and simply being aggressive towards others will lead you to a permanent ban.)

Btw, selfships and self-inserts are also okay! Love you guys.

BYF!

My level of English is quite low, and I also created this account in order to develop my level and just to ✨️have fun✨️, so if you see mistakes, please point them out politely. I can also often be late with fanfiction and requests, but I will try to publish them faster. Please be patient, thank you.

FANDOMS YOU CAN REQUEST ✎

Poppy Playtime(Current hyperfixation)

Danganronpa(Fanganronpas too! Sdra2, DRDT, P:EG)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Scream

Madoka Magica

Yandere Simulator

Omori

Hotel Hazbin

MASTERLIST ★

None, for now.

[spoonietimelordy]

Psychiatrist: "We see so many people faking *insert any neurodivergence here* ! They don't fit the diagnostic criterias and yet think that they are this thing."

Me at my screen: "or many it's the closest thing to what they're feeling and you're missing something here, maybe they're not faking and just don't have all the symptoms??? Just a suggestion 🙄"

[glitter-stained]

I used to dislike Lazarus Pit Madness headcanons but I've seen people say "he doesn't need magic madness he has normal madness" and "why would you need a magical explanation for his behaviour have you people never heard of cptsd" and while I understand the sentiment (and Jason definitely has cptsd) this is exactly what I'm talking about when I say dc has a dangerous habit of demonizing/villanizing mental illness and it has a real impact on the fandom's perception of mental illness. Winnick isn't the worst when it comes to Jason's writers but the fact that he wrote Jason as both a brilliant hypercompetent villain and a sympathetic character that makes you go "oh hey, he has a point..." should not distract you from the fact that no, decapitation is not a common symptom of cptsd.

[rusted-pipe-of-wisdom]

my personal brand of fandom wank is continuously twisting Anders' ableistic portrayal in DA2 into a fable of channeling your anger and welcoming that which brands you dangerous to society.

fuck all that 'are you a man or a monster' narrative, you are an affront to God's creation and that is extremely sexy of you.

[bitchpack]

honestly i hate the whole image thats being created around like, “demon possession”. like its almost always someone with a terrifying mental illness, and the church has convinced people that its a source of evil. so instead of helping them and you know, using actual science, we hurt them to try to get the “evil” out. and now because of horror movies and stuff so many people have these preconceived notions of mental illness, which creates this atmosphere of hatred and fear which prevents so many people from actually getting the help they need. i just hate it so much its evil

[kildaresgrizzocoot]

[[OOC post that may explain some of my motivation on writing Kildare as I do. 

Hello! I’m the mun, ratchimera, and I’m a Brazilian! Brazil, you know, this country known for it’s natural beauty, beaches, hot girls, carnival, Rio, trolling people at the internet, Amazon forest, biodiversity, friendly people and...

One of the biggest cases of genocide of psychiatric patients in the world, known as “The Brazilian Holocaust” that had over 60.000 deaths due to medical malpractice and torture. Barbacena was a concentration camp for “mad” people, who were obligated to work naked until their deaths, and then their bodies were sold to med schools... And this absurd only stopped at the 80s! Wikipedia link.

And I’m a psychiatric patient.

So humanizing “crazy” characters is important for me. 

If you think my portrait is somehow offensive, please tell me. I’m trying my best.]]

[fethrybestduck]

(TW: Psychophobia)

So, this comic made me feel kinda bad... (The red line is a cut of some pages)

I don’t remember Fethry acknowledging the fact that the rest of the family treats him different because he’s mentally divergent.

And at least in this comic, he seems to resent it and needle his family about it, trying to make them feel bad. That means that at least some of the times people treat him with condescension he is aware of it - which happens all the time.

But their faces in the second-to-last panel broke my heart because they’re still looking down on him - and he knows it, and he answers to it in the last panel.

I think that adds a lot to the character tho; the fact that he knows most people treat him as an incapable.

(I think Donald is the only one who actually argue with Fethry in the same terms he argue with anyone else.)

[itsmysecretcap]

I just learnt that Martin Freeman was problematic. I'll still post Sherlock related things because I still love this show and his character (same thing for MCU or any other thing) but I am really digusted and disappointed.

I still think he is a good actor but not that he is a good human anymore

Tw: Rape, Islamophobia

He is also really really rude about a woman

It was on the story of a ig and Tik Tok creator who explained that he wouldn't do anything related to MF or Ben because they're both problematic.

For Ben:

Tw: Psychophobia (I think it's the good word, I'm sorry if it's not.), Sexual agression and transphobia.

Please, maybe repost so we're all aware of that. I'm in this fandom for like, one big year and it's the first time I read that.

Edit: I confirmed these informations and, trust me, I would have preferred to see that they weren't true. So, please don't roast me, I wouldn't do that kind of stuff for the fun :)

[mxazimut]

TW Validism and psychophobia

Personally I would like to speak on the subject… so it’s let’s Go for a thread!

(On all the completely unworthy stuff that we hear regularly 100 times a day)

1:

“It is for your good the curatorship”

*point on the fact that a disabled psychic person can’t buy something without being criticized when buying a plush for example* (while Karen Valide buys a handbag with 500 balls and shocks no one as randomly)

2:

“Why do you touch the AAH?you’re just pretending!”

*point on the fact that our rights are unfair according to the valid and that it is a privilege to have access to certain things when you are disabled psy*

(While we are still forced to deal with the things not at all suitable for life in society but good pays your advantage obviously)

3:

“It’s the fault of screens if you’re ADHD!”

*point boomers on youth so saying completely lost who dares not laugh at hyper serious stuff and who has the nerve to defend his simple existence…naughty autistic!

(While we already existed before the discovery of high-tech but good stuff…)

4:

“Stop shouting that you’re NeuroA and then first you haven’t really disabled why you’re entitled to have a disability card?”

*guilt and pathologizing about the fact that your disability is not seen because anyway askip just has some difficulties and then it’s all… without really knowing yourself*

(While the concern is that we are constantly classified according to the “gravity” of our “pathology” review your aprioris please it becomes dangerous to get so much misunderstanding on the real subject)

5:

“You’re really screaming for nothing… when I think there are people who would dream of being in your place, you should be happy and avoid complaining!”

* Unbearable point of the life lesson on the model of “good and bad disabled” as if we were happy to have access to something that should be… logical all the time!

(Although hand washing is pure commercial bullshit but obviously jean-valid prefers to marvel at “your beautiful different because you are all wonderful »

6:

"Ah, but you're lgbt+ AND practical, but normally you can't be the 2, you're too weird... that's why you're trans... that's because you're too weird... that's really your autistic?"

Waw I don’t have the words to describe how cis NT really has no genes to ask us if we are legitimate to live peacefully without having to answer those kind of hyper-embarrassing questions that humiliate us more than anything else…)

7:

You are so brave and an example you know... and you never thought you were fashionable if you hadn't been autistic?

* Life lesson point as if we were not already accustomed enough, let's see...*

(Although it is screaming and completely eugenic but WTF��� as if I were forced to prove my happiness ah the… but nan I claim my disability for the cause worries you…)

8:

“I think you're great and that autistic or not you can't see as much as that... on TV they're more... you know what... by the way I told you about the daughter of a friend who also has it?”

*point that starts from a compliment I guess but thank you I'm fine despite this kind of comment by people not at all informed on the subject because apparently TV is safe while on the contrary it's mainstream to death... then I don't know me... I've already told you about the guy I met in a bar and who told the same kind of clichés? *

(While on the fact... well by force it makes me smile nicely because the NT don't even imagine for a minute that not only am I “able to fight for a cause that is close to my heart” but in addition I am far from the old problematic clichés about the gaze of disability in general... like the DSM completely slammed to the ground now... *

9: “You talk a lot after…you did the studies really above it?well you don’t have the right to talk fall!”

*inflicting point I can’t stand it anymore… so my guy… already I am a concerned person… I express myself, it’s not like I was in charge of people “like me” as you say and I got out of the popotin every second like Sophie Cluzel*

(So in short… people who have no idea what the life of a person with a hand is really like… blah bla I speak san puts the subject rider with false and often erroneous words)

10: “I’m not crazy! Why you can cancel a YouTuber for just that?

*point where we imagine that we crazy we should be ashamed and hide and not at all to let it do but good it really is bad to know us…*

(While the feeling of wanting to do pedagogy for a community of fans using a psychophobic thermal baths ben, that’s all benefit for the person who might feel concerned and who already has trouble finding a place in a group)

[spoonietimelordy]

I just saw someone compared system who critic the psychiatric model of DID to antivax, wtf

I don't have DID but I'm autistic and traumatized and man I can tell you one thing and it's that psychiatric studies are extremely biased and don't actually listen to what the people concerned say. How can you make this comparison??? wtf, wft, wtf

[gor3sigil]

[French mode activated]

Hey !

J'ai enfin fini la trad de mon zine sur la folie et la transidentité en français!

Vous pouvez le lire et le télécharger juste ici:

Y'a tous les TW en intro.

Bonne lecture !

[glitter-stained]

Alright, I've been at this workplace for four days now and already gotta restart the counts:

Days since healthcare staff called a female patient "completely hysterical": 2-> 0

Days since healthcare staff mocked a patient during a team meeting: 4 -> 0

God give me strength I am so fucking tired

[glitter-stained]

Symptoms that are not, in fact, listed in any description of cptsd:

> decapitating a bunch of people and shoving their head into a duffle bag

> exploding a train

> murder, in general

> being statutory raped by your adoptive dad's ex-wife in a violent and racist character assassination that will never be acknowledged as csa and has several layers of incestuous despite them not being related