#personal vent

[emerald-jade-tears]

in another universe i didn’t make this blog because i wasn’t fucking traumatized by my ex who pretended to want to date me

In another universe I was happy

[violetgotfree]

sorry for the vent but i have no one rn.

i think i might crash out… i am a real human being and i have fully totally fucked my life up. i was so smart- went to college at 14 smart. now my brain is just the remnants of what malnourishment did to me. i was an amazing swimmer. i had to quit bc i gave myself a heart condition by not eating and couldn’t stand to see my scars in a swim suit. i was so fucking good at my job, and i had to leave to go to residential and now i messed up all that progress i made. i live to serve my 3d and go to therapy and tell my therapist i refuse treatment. i lay in bed at night night contemplating my own existence. wondering what it would be life if i finally just unburdened my family and friends. but im a real human being. wow. this isn’t fake, and this isn’t going to reset when i finally get the balls to do it. and i don’t want to change my behaviours and go to treatment, even when i realize how much of a disappointment i am. bc ive already fucked my life up this badly, i might as well keep going. something about coming out of the fog of derealization is so scary. i wish i had someone to talk about this with.

[cherryfawn444]

she feels every emotion so deeply the simplest things bring her to tears

her heart is too big for her body

her soul, too gentle for this world

[juliettecalling]

When I was younger, I loved to color, the way a blank page could become anything I wanted. The sky could be pink, the grass violet, the sun a bleeding red. Then they handed me a coloring book and told me to stay inside the lines. Suddenly, the sky was blue, the grass forever green and my wonder became a task to complete Then came dancing, wild, breathless, like falling in love with the wind. But soon, the lessons followed. "Point your toes. Count your beats. No, not like that, like this. Move like how I showed you." They taught me how to be wild… correctly Later, even my words weren’t safe. I hid my tales and strings of ink, but they too, began to bleed red. “You missed a punctuation here. This is not how stories are told. Stick to the given material.” Ironic, isn’t it? How everything I ever loved for its boundlessness, eventually came with a manual?

[emerald-jade-tears]

literally realized i need to die in the middle of hanging out with someone

switching from fine to depressed and/or near suicidal like a traffic light 😭

[beethinn]

Bro Co.sie.dzieje.w.moim.zyciu

(Nie zdam :D 100%)

I co teraz? Zawaliłam cała swoja przyszlosc.

Prawdopodobnie będę jedyna osoba z całej szkoły która nie zda

(1 liceum)

CO TERAZ

[thebriarcliffsins]

Me: guh I want to be consoled 😿

Also me when I'm being consoled: NAH FUCK YOU BITCH THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR FUCK YOU FUCK YOU LEAVE ME ALONE YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP DIE DIE I HATE YOU

[trouble-de-la-belle-princesse]

making vent art in crayon is soothing

[prionforbrains]

I am frequently reminded of how replaceable I am. It never hurts less.

[nozomi-kaizoku]

[emotionaleating]

„but you survived“ but i didn’t want to lol. i wasn’t supposed to. i hate that i did. i’m angry that i did. i want the pain to go away so badly.

[liacademia]

alrighty chat, we're almost done with everything and just yesterday, i had a zoom call with my math teacher and he gave a plan to abide by till the end of feb, so i suppose that's something i'm gonna start that from now on, though i do plan on making another to-do of this kind, since it did gave me a sense of accountability.

anyway, it's the 22nd tomorrow and i have a mock test tomorrow and one on the 23rd too, by sheer luck i have 24th free and then have one more on the 25th lol, i'm just finishing up vector algebra and after that will probably post the game plan for the remaining of feb!

16th feb - 23rd feb

inorganic chem complete rev lect. (10hrs) + practice questions

ch. tests on limits, continuity and differentiability

application of derivatives lect. + bits practice sheet

matrices - determinants lect. + bits practice sheet + mains pyqs

vector algebra lect. + bits practice sheet + mains pyqs

optics revision lect + mains pyqs + ch. tests

physical chemistry rev lecture (12 hrs)

top 100 pyqs of physics (2020)

it does seem like a lot, but we'll try our level best to get done with it, there's such less time, so i'll try my hardest to revise the maximum portion asap.

[ascilum]

[cherryfawn444]

you want to fuck him i want to unzip his flesh and crawl inside him and hide there forever

[xmortem09]

I just wanna rot away and dissolve into nothing.