#bpd stuff

[idontwannabehere7]

i really dont know how much longer i can do this

[maybeshehasbpd]

Pain killers, but for pain in the brain

[wintertism]

this is the best post in mankind

call me john cause i aint cena reason to keep trying.

[nofuckingideawho]

i was too much. I stopped feeling. I became too little

[doomedfromthewombfr]

My existence is an apology I never stop making

[drowningbpdbodies]

Getting mad at me for being forgetful when it’s literally a symptom I experience on top of it being a side effect of one of my medications is fucking stupid which makes you stupid

[cherryfawn444]

you want to fuck him i want to unzip his flesh and crawl inside him and hide there forever

[stuuupidthingsss]

what I eat in a day

[totheoneswhostayupallnight]

Someone safe me from myself

[mllilprincess3]

somebody km pls ! THANK YOU in advance I can’t take this anymore.

[kittyblade666]

[maybeshehasbpd]

Sorry, I didn’t mean to exist

[professionallyunstable]

dont need alcohol to send texts i later on regret sending.

[nofuckingideawho]

I feel nothing now. is that better?

[dontdoxarya]

The sucky thing about BPD is not being able to ever celebrate. I can’t ever find joy in myself, my relationship or even personal growth. Because all I can think about is all the reasons I suck. Waiting on the other shoe to drop. Eventually something WILL go wrong.

Eventually. People will realize I suck. Being seen by people who care about me isn’t fun. It’s an audience to gawk at my next spiral and so they judge me. Then cut ties with me forever because Im not worth the effort.

Loving people is not a celebration. It’s just a collection of folks who will then get bored of me. It’s this waiting game of wondering when I will abandoned again. A cruel and wicked game. A prank.

Growth is no big deal. It’s just phase 1 of my next backslide. “I am doing better.” “Am I?” “Fuck it. Let’s do worse.” I let my guard down. Only to backslide really fucking hard. It terrifies me.

Happiness only exists to salt the wound that is pain. “Didn’t you enjoy the peek into joy? It was never yours to claim!”

My asshole friends keep refuting all of it. I get told that they are very aware of my flaws. Trauma responses. Or whatever. And they don’t care. So anything insane I do will only be seen as “she’s having a rough time with her BPD.” They won’t see it as a sign of me being horrid. Just aware that I am struggling with something. And maybe feel bad about it.

Fuckers keep telling me how they can tell how hard I try to be better. The chip I have on my shoulder feeds families. They tell me how even when a messy situation happens:They know me well enough to know I am trying. They know I will introspect on it. Apologize. Then try to be better.

I talked about someone who abused me? Took advantage of my drunken state. And that got tied into being told “you are not like that person. I can see you doing a lot of things wrong. But nothing abusive. I know you well enough to know it isn’t you.”

I��ve gotten into dumbass fights with my closest friends when my abandonment issues have gone off. Only to just. Idk. Get to move on and still be close.

“I know we grew up together. And moving countries put strain on our relationship. But you suck for not calling me more.” Only for them to UNDERSTAND I am dealing with loneliness and isolation :/

I hate it. I don’t understand what any of them see in me. What the hell. How did I deserve any of this

[uffjustme2]

Extremely exhausted, but my brain won’t shut the fuck up. Please just let me sleep :(