emotionaleating

[emotionaleating]

i'm forever haunted by the idea of who i could've been if i didn't face the worst grief of my life at a young age

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i just fucking relapsed and just sitting in ur bed after gotta be the most embarrassing thing ever because what you mean i just did that and then regretted it but i can’t stop? i hate my life rn it’s so shameful but god does it make it go quiet there’s something so comforting in it suddenly my mind shuts up and i can finally breathe

[emotionaleating]

i’m still hurting and i’m still lying about it

there’s no soft way to say that sometimes i forget to breathe so i skip that and ask how they’re doing instead

sometimes it scares me how much i think about going for a walk and never coming home and how willing i am to leave everything i have and everyone i know

[emotionaleating]

my biggest s3xual fantasy is to have someone notice my absence and wonder about me lol

[emotionaleating]

when bpd kicks in and your obsession for that one person makes you feel dizzy, feeling like you’re gonna vomit because you cant imagine them with someone else, you feel bugs all over your body, feeling like someone is touching you or seeing shadows, you get mad easily if something doesnt go as planned and all of sudden you hate everyone because someone hurt you in the slightest way

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i feel so bad for hurting him but fuck i just don’t know how to control myself i hate being like this

[emotionaleating]

tw this shit makes me wanna starve and cut myself to death why do i have to feel like this every time someone acts strange

[emotionaleating]

missing him with every fiber of my being rn. he was the best human being i knew. with so much pure love and a good heart. too nice for this cruel world. the worst moment was when they lowered the coffin. it’s like a part of me died too. knowing you are dead hurts like hell. i lost all hope in life.

[emotionaleating]

me every day because sleep is the only thing that lets me forget how empty i am for a moment. it’s the only escape from this never ending ache, from the weight of a life i can't stand. when im awake, the pain is unbearable, but in sleep, i don't have to feel it even if just for a few hours. the worst part is knowing i’ll wake up to it all over again lol

[emotionaleating]

fuck i definitely have a soft spot for him he is so pretty it makes me wanna cry idk

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„but you survived“ but i didn’t want to lol. i wasn’t supposed to. i hate that i did. i’m angry that i did. i want the pain to go away so badly.

[emotionaleating]

nothing ever gets better for me because i've been objectively fucked since birth and my brain is hardwired to believe that i exist only for the worst endurance of pain imaginable haha

[emotionaleating]

finding comfort in your own sadness and the most painful situations is wonderful

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i was so naive covering my body with scars thinking that somebody would notice and care, now i know that nobody cares no matter how bad it is and now im left with my body covered in scars. all for nothing.

[emotionaleating]

i wish i could have a life with you. but i am frail and dying. im slowly killing myself. youre the only reason i get out of bed anymore, if not for you, i would just curl up and die.

[emotionaleating]

why do i feel rejected so easily

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oh, what i would give

to have my dad back,

what once was my safest place

is now a memory full of grief

and a heart with empty space

the laughter still echos

in the hallway

but all i can hear is his loud voice

remembering me why he’s gone

i have no choice