#literally switched to another mental illness as a coping mechanism

[corninmayy33]

HAHA STOP LITERALLY ME

If I could just start Cvtt!Ng again I wouldn't have to deal with this 3d but my mother literally said she prefers me ★ving rather than Cvtt!Ng 💀💀🤙

me after telling myself im clean from $h just to get an 3d

[notoneopinion]

10 Ways I Soothe Anxiety

Hello. I have anxiety.

I have anxiety, but I have also managed to somehow keep a pretty good life for myself through it all. Getting out of bed when you have a paralysing fear of the world is not an easy task, but there are a few things I have found that make it that little bit easier, life that little bit smoother. And because we certainly don't gatekeep here, I thought I'd share the ten main ways I soothe anxiety. Basically, ten things I do to switch off and remove myself from my brain.

1. Turn your phone off.

An obvious one, but probably one of the most important. It's insane how clogged a person's brain will get when they spend their day glued to a phone screen. For me, it's not even just social media that sets me off, though that is a massive trigger for me and many other people; it's the phone in general. I could be playing Angry Birds for twenty-four hours and still finish the day feeling gross and anxious and guilty. The screen itself just makes me feel groggy, which in turn leaves me feeling anxious by the time I'm getting into bed that night. There are some days I will wake up, and just turn my phone off completely - usually days when I know I'm going to be at home all day, but still. That extended break from screen time is a life saver.

2. Fidget toys.

Okay, so I may also have autism.

But!!!! Fidget toys are miracle workers for all kinds of mental illnesses and uncomfortable feelings, so don't think you can't invest in some just because you're not on the spectrum. Fidget toys are literally made to soothe anxiety, so get yourself some!! I have one called a Tangle that I keep on me at all times, and I just mess with it in my pocket when I'm in a social situation and I don't know what to do with my hands, or I start feeling a little overwhelmed. It brings my fight or flight right down. I don't know the science behind it, but I honestly don't even care. Give me fidget toys, or give me death.

3. Model making, eg Legos, 3D puzzles.

Legos and 3D puzzles are another thing that has changed the game for me when it comes to anxiety. Like fidget toys, they are the perfect way to keep your hands busy, but they have the added bonus of keeping your mind busy, too. These are, of course, more of a relaxation technique, something you come home to after a stressful day rather than something to eliminate anxiety on the spot, but we'll take what we can get. These also keep you relaxed and distracted for hours, because there is hours worth of work to be put into them. Plus, they're very addictive - once you start on a Lego set, or a puzzle, you don't want to stop until it's finished. I've sat for eleven hours straight doing a Lego set just because I wanted to see the finished product as soon as possible, and during those eleven hours, my anxiety was non-existent. I was just enjoying myself the entire time.

4. Have a nap.

Very self explanatory, and yet controversial???

But genuinely, just go to sleep??? If you're having a gruesome day, and your mind is bullying you, and you're exhausted, just lay down and go to sleep. Fuck what other people say. There is nothing wrong with clocking out from the horrors of the real world for a few hours. As long as you get back up, all refreshed and ready to tackle another day, who cares??

5. Talk to a loved one.

I am very blessed that I can put this on the list. I know this can be a very difficult coping mechanism for a lot of people - trust me, I know. Growing up, my anxiety was my own, and not once did it ever occur to me to share that problem with anyone else. However, after meeting the right people, and understanding that nobody is going to be annoyed about hearing my problems, talking to people became one of the best and most useful coping mechanisms I've got. It can be as simple as sending your best friend a text telling them how you're feeling, or you can go all out and sit your Mum down with a cup of tea and bawl your eyes out. Getting those feelings out will give you a physical relief as well as a mental relief; the weight you've been carrying, a weight you probably don't even notice any more, will be gone in a matter of minutes. I promise you.

6. Exercise.

I know. I was shocked too. All those scientists that told us exercise and moving your body is good for your mental health were right. Bastards.

Just go on a walk. That's what I mean when I say 'exercise.' If you want to go to the gym and lift weights, or run a marathon, you go right ahead. More power to you. But by 'exercise' I just mean. . . move your body. Take the dog on a walk! Walk to the shop instead of driving! Get a bike! The tiniest bit of movement in a day can do wonders, whether we want to admit it or not.

7. Blast happy, sing-in-the-car music.

There's a playlist of Spotify that I highly recommend when it comes to wanting to escape reality and just have a good time. It's literally called Songs to Sing in the Car, and it's one of those playlists Spotify make themselves, just full of songs that you can sing at the top of your lungs, or blast through your headphones, and just have a real good time for a little while. I know it's easy sometimes to just go straight to that playlist full of sad songs that you can relate to in that moment, but try and go for a different approach - go find old bangers that you used to jump around to as a kid. It's a breath of fresh air.

8. Do chores.

Two in one baby!

A good chunk of the time, our anxiety is stemming from our to-do list, even if we're not thinking about it. All around us is evidence of all the unfinished tasks we've got to do, and that can really stress you out. Personally, whenever I'm anxious, I become almost camotose; I will just sit on the sofa and stare at the wall, feeling everything all at once. However, I've found that using this time to do little tasks around the house actually makes me feel better. I'm not saying I go and do a full massive clean; I might push myself just a bit to wash one or two dishes, or the whole sink if I can manage it. I'll hoover the living room floor. I'll go upstairs and put my clothes away. Just tiny jobs, only as much as I can push myself to do. A lot of the time, one job turns into two, and then two turns to three, and soon my house is spotless, and you know what they say - clean space, clear mind!

9. Take up knitting/ crocheting.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. I only discovered this as a coping mechanism when I was suffering from really bad insomnia and I couldn't sleep; I somehow found myself watching YouTube tutorials on knitting, and I was overcome with this intense urge to learn. It was literally one in the morning, and I drove to my Mum's house (dragged my fiance out of bed to come with me, too, sorry babe <3) and grabbed knitting needles and some yarn. I was up knitting for about an hour, and I felt so relaxed that I actually managed to go to sleep! For the first time in days! So not only can you make really cute clothes and nick-nacks and learn a new skill, you're also relaxing that anxious brain of yours for a little bit.

10. Have a good cry.

Yeah. Just this.

[kerubimcrepin]

Episode 39 - The Love Killer

AKA the yandere dogboy episode. Yippie!

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. To bring back the meme:

God won't let me die...

The translation is not finished because I do not give a fuck, but here is where I stopped. I doubt anyone else will give a fuck either, considering it's just a keysmash.

He's never beating those japanese-coded allegations.

Silly aprons are a family tradition.

I wonder if this is where Kerubim lived considering he, like... didn't have a house. Or a family.

Oh my god, the shitty magical merchant guy had a shitty magical merchant mom.

I see claws on a catboy and my brain turns off. Kill me.

You can't be talking like that, Ouginak baby. Btw the can says "fish".

KERUBIM LIKES TO COOK. SEE? I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOU. He's an Amaknean boy, like Yugo. And he's cooking crepes!

Though, he's... bad at it.

Presented without commentary.

Do not be making that face while in the same litter box as Keke, oh god.

Ecaflips use litterboxes confirmed.

UNDERAGE DRINKING REAL.

I bet Kerubim is the one who buys bamboo milk for the gang. He can probably pass for a very short ecaflip man, instead of a teenage boy.

People reading my blog talking about it be like: this is scary, downright creepy.

Also, whatever I imagine happened between Kerubim and Atcham is also scary. Even downright creepy.

The Astrubian lake tower, my beloved.

Somehow, despite being a boy, Kerubim has managed to have two evil adolescent girl friendships that end in your friend (who is a tar pit) sending you messages saying that she will "kill you with a knife" the next time she sees you at school. (One with Patafiks, and another with his literal brother.) This too, is feminism.

I like to think that while in the orphanage, he had to break up like this with Atcham too. Like "I know we're brothers, but um. uh. I don't want to be seen with you anymore. I mean—— you get beat up constantly, and people hate you, and then they hate me when you're nearby. Which is a bummer. Also you threaten everyone too much after they beat you up, and it's stressful. And I can't take it anymore... We can still be friends though,, haha."

I like to think Atcham's response was "I AM GOING TO KILL MYSSSELF AND IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT." or something. I like to imagine he had that ~mentally ill child~ style flair for the dramatic at that age. I like to think they were both awful to one another.

Another thing I like to think to myself, is that Atcham got kicked from the orphanage and ended up in Brakmar, and the reason he got kicked out is stabbing someone. Perhaps Keke, during some argument, — or perhaps someone else, in retaliation to whatever bullying he was going through. And that Kerubim was scared shitless of him by the end.

I just think it's a fun thought.

Basically, if that Ruby girl, Patafiks, and Atcham smoked weed together in a Bad Mentally Ill Bitches Obsessed With Revenge Club, Pangaea would reform.

Since this is already an Atcham headcanon heavy blogpost, I will say, I think using The Love Killer on Atcham would have fixed his every single problem.

Sadly, Kerubim has spent his entire life under the impression that Atcham actually hates him, whereas in actuality, whatever the fuck is happening, is 20 times funnier.

After a single minute of prodding by Joris he switches to therapyspeak and goes "well i need SOMEONE to be mad at. it's like a coping mechanism. if i need to be mad at something, it might as well be kerubim. because he's there. 😥"

It's interesting that with Patafiks and his ecaflip friends it took a second for them to hate him enough to cut all ties.

It's also interesting that this doesn't happen to Simone: Julie and her were on a bad date, but they were on it for a long time. And, Kerubim and Joris were haters for her, but all they could manage is some cleaning complaints.

Basically: Perhaps it can't ruin bonds that are very deep or genuine as fast? An enchantment meant to test the sincerity of a bond, gone awry? Or maybe I'm reading too much into this.

Flash frame!

As I've said in the previous blogposts: I really do think that Kerubim has a crush on Simone. Not in any creepy way — she's just the type of woman he's always liked, — headstrong and stylish, like Lou!

It's very cute. I am a big fan of friendships with one-sided crushes in media, especially when it's not awkward, or pointed out often, (the only exception being Dipper's whole Wendy-shtick in Gravity Falls. I think it was a pretty cool portrayal of the concept, despite being awkward), — because that's a very human thing that we can't really control, y'know?

It makes their friendship much more wholesome to me, personally.

Man. I love this show. And this silly old man. Even though he did fuck up superbly with the whole raising Joris thing.

[eeveecraft]

Unintentional Tulpas Exist

Wanted to make this a separate post, but I have brought this up multiple times throughout this blog. With most terms that are currently attempting to replace tulpa/Tulpamancy, definitions like parogenic and willogenic miss one crucial fact: not all tulpas are intentionally created.

Even when not talking about these terms, there are sites that mistakenly list tulpas as solely intentional, completely ignoring the fact that 30-40% of tulpas are unintentional via things like the 2018 community census. But to the uninformed, you're likely wondering, "Wait, Tulpamancy's a specific process, right? How can tulpas be unintentional? Wouldn't they just be standard headmates at that point?" which there are multiple explanations for this that I will list below:

Reason 1: Imaginary Friends

Some people keep their imaginary friends past childhood, continuing to interact with them. Eventually, this imaginary friend evolves to be sentient or into a tulpa. This is unintentional because the vast majority of the world does not know what Tulpamancy is or how to create a tulpa. A child who kept their imaginary friends past said childhood isn't aware of what they're doing, thus they created their tulpas unintentionally.

Reason 2: Fictives

A study finds that a whopping 61% of writers feel as though their characters have a sense of agency, as forcing is literally just interacting with a thought or idea until it becomes sentient/sapient. So why is it so far-fetched that a good handful of writers unintentionally created tulpas through their works? Like with imaginary friends, most of these writers have no idea what Tulpamancy is or what tulpas are, and had zero intentions of creating another sentient lifeform by just... writing a story.

Reason 3: Coping Mechanism

Some people who struggle with say, mental illness may come up with the idea of talking or confiding into an imagined form or presence to cope with their situation. And because the simplest way to create a tulpa is to talk to the void until it talks back, that imagined presence or form can also become sentient, maybe even to aid the host with their situation and coping depending on how long the host does this.

These are just three common reasons for an unintentional tulpa to form, but the question remains: how they still tulpas and not just endogenic systemmates? Well, that's easy to answer: tulpas develop through a process and over time. They do not just magically appear out of the blue like other systemmate types. And like intentional tulpas, unintentional tulpas may still have to learn skills like vocality and switching/possession.

As such, a system with unintentional tulpas may someday happen upon a site like Tulpa.info or r/Tulpas and have that moment of, "Oh, THAT'S what you are!" which lots of people have had those experiences.

So, to take away from this post, keep in mind that Tulpamancy is just something humans can do whether they know what they're doing or not. As such, unintentional tulpas exist and make up a large part of the community, and they shouldn't be ignored like the words parogenic and willogenic have ignored them.

If you like our informative posts and would like to support us, you can buy us a Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/eeveecraft

8-9-2021

[cassyapper]

jotaro kujo song analysis: “eight” by sleeping at last

i could not figure out what the fuck to title this for a long time. please forgive me ik it’s awkward but it’s the best i got

anyway the song “eight” by sleeping at last made me mentally ill so let’s get into why <3

here’s a link to the song: https://youtu.be/obi4KCh6eHQ

here’s a link to the lyrics i referenced: https://genius.com/Sleeping-at-last-eight-lyrics

be warned there are part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 6 spoilers in this

with that let’s begin.

“I remember the minute;/it was like a switch was flipped --/i was just a kid who grew up strong enough/to pick this armor up,/and suddenly it fit” Lengthy first line to start this on i know but cutting it up didn’t make sense so please forgive me… Alright let’s get to the meat of this hm? This line is about when jotaro first manifested star platinum. “I remember the minute, it was like a switch was flipped” fits perfectly with how suddenly and obviously star platinum became known to its user, as jotaro first manifests it when he’s in the middle of a fight, a fight star platinum ends very quickly and brutally. The “i was just a kid who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up” is about jotaro having the willpower to control a stand such as star platinum and not get ill over it. He “grew up strong enough to pick this armor up”, this armor being star platinum (which, yes, star platinum is armor more than a weapon because its strength is used to protect. This is stated explicitly in the jin hashimoto song “star platinum” which was written specifically with jotaro/star platinum in mind, as the title suggests). It also shows how young jotaro was re the “kid” description; he was only 17, the youngest jojo up to that point. the “and suddenly it fit” also mixes with how suddenly star platinum manifested, particularly how jotaro gained passable control over it very quickly

“God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…/I was little, I was weak, I was perfectly naive,/and I grew up too quick.” Another long line im sorry it just doesnt make sense to cut it up 😭 Anyway this is part 6 jotaro reflecting on his past self, PARTICULARLY part 3 jotaro, which explains the “god, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…” segment “I was little, i was weak, i was perfectly naive” is kinda gold coming from part 6 jotaro cause end of part 3 jotaro is canonically when he’s at his strongest but i dont think part 6 jotaro is talking about star platinum in this line. He’s talking about jotaro being tactless and rude and pushing away his loved aways in a disillusioned attempt to keep them safe. By part 6, jotaro has to have known his coping mechanism of self-imposed isolation wasnt fair to his loved ones/himself and it clearly didnt WORK as evidenced by jolyne’s situation, so he’s cursing his younger self for it here. Hence, the calling of part 3 jotaro “little, weak, perfectly naive.” part 3 jotaro starts making the bed that part 6 jotaro ends up having to lay in and he hates him for it. The “and I grew up too quick” part is jotaro acknowledging his trauma. Even before part 3 started jotaro clearly had issues and they just kept building and building and building from part 3 and on. Combined with his self-imposed isolation, jotaro had to grow up quick to survive, and this line is part 6 jotaro reflecting on that

“Now you won’t see all that i have to lose,/all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it.” Remember the self-imposed isolation i mentioned in the last line? This line is about why jotaro does that. He hates being vulnerable. He hates relying on others. We only see him comfortable trusting others to take care of things ONCE the entire series, during the steely dan arc, when he believes in kakyoin’s abilities to keep joseph safe and get the lovers out of him safely. ONCE out of the four parts he’s featured in, out of the three he’s prominent in. jotaro does this, as i previously mentioned, out of a disillusioned attempt to keep those he loves safe, hence the “now you won’t see all that i have to lose” line. This behavior is solidified in jotaro at the end of stardust crusaders, when the two final times he tried to trust that others would handle it resulted in the deaths of over of half those he cared the most about (he may have gotten joseph back, but don’t forget that joseph did actually die). Thus, this decisive night ties into the “all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” line. He’s lost loved ones but he won’t lose them again, not in the same way at least. Ironically, the self-imposed isolation only puts his loved ones and himself in danger, but i can get into that later.

“I won’t let you in, i swore never again --/i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” This line kinda ties back with what i was mentioning in the last line, but it hones it a bit more on jotaro’s complete denial of being vulnerable rather than how he acts to ensure he isnt such. “I wont let you in, i swore never again” is a direct tie-in for how jotaro feels after stardust crusaders; he is never going to get as close to anyone or anything the way he was close to the crusaders ever again. Nothing is ever going to matter to him the same way and he is going to make sure of that, as the “swore never again” implies, because he is certain, at least at first, that this will keep others safe. The “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” part goes into how selfish and arrogant jotaro’s mentality is. Don’t get me wrong, jotaro’s self-imposed isolation can be seen as selfless, especially because the main driving force behind it is to keep others safe -- but it’s not the only force driving it. Like i said, jotaro doesn’t want to be vulnerable, and to be sure he doesnt feel that way, he needs to ensure he won’t be hurt. Can’t be sad when people die if you were never close to them, right? So as much as it is to protect others, he also is protecting himself by closing off from others. It’s also arrogant of jotaro to assume he is the deciding factor of who lives and dies, that he gets to choose/manipulate the cycle of life and death by deciding on if he opens up to others. Jotaro had this mentality of being a “deciding factor” shoved into his head during the journey to egypt, and that kinda warps his worldview as a result; everything must be his fault. Things go bad surely because he let them somehow. And it’s not jotaro’s fault he’s ill in the head like this but it is still arrogant, and the “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” line attests to this.

“I want to break these bones until theyre better/i want to break them right and feel alive” Oh jotaro you have the shittiest fuckign coping mechanisms Alright. “I want to break these bones until theyre better” ties into jotaro throwing himself into dangerous situations alone. He’s just so so damn convinced he can handle everything himself -- bc again, he is led to believe he is the deciding factor of life and death -- he just has to try. If things go wrong, it’s bc he didn’t try hard enough, hence the “break these bones until theyre better”; jotaro will hurt himself and will be convinced he deserved it until he “learns” how to be perfect like he’s “supposed” to be. But being perfect isnt something you can learn, you mentally ill motherfucker jotaro. anyway “I want to break them right and feel alive” ties into the fact jotaro would rather break his body over and over and over rather than tell his loved ones he cares. The only right way to be hurt to him is taking a hit that was meant for those he loves. Jotaro is very much a man of action rather than a man of word, and this line is about his rather unique way of acting (that is, getting beat the fuck up over and over) Basically jotaro can’t tell the people he loves that he, well, loves them, unless he is literally dying. Examples of what i mean: jotaro preferred going on a perilous, 50-day journey to just telling holly he loved her; jotaro preferred getting beat over the head with a rock in the lovers arc rather than risk hurting joseph; jotaro preferred to literally get blown up by sheer heart attack rather than tell koichi to his face he is a good kid; jotaro stepped knowingly into a trap for jolyne and had to literally believe he was in fact saying his last words before he uttered “i’ve always cherished you.”

“You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong --/my healing needed more than time” Oh my GODDDddDDDdcdd im sobbing as i type jotaro your head is so so damn ill Okay so i see him spitting this line towards joseph. Let me explain Joseph would no doubt pick up on jotaro’s ptsd and he’ll do his best to console jotaro over the deaths of their friends. But see joseph is ALSO an ill in the head idiot whose idea of therapy is electroshock and who calls ptsd “shell shock”. So all he can offer to jotaro is “youll feel better in time” because that was kinda true for him; he managed to move on in time. What joseph fails to realize is what made him feel better was not time, but the support of those remaining in his life (lisa lisa, suziq, erina, smokey). But jotaro listens and tries to give it time but the thing with jotaro is he just gets worse and worse as time wears on because he deliberately cut himself off from anyone who could console him (as well as got continually traumatized throughout his life), so time never helped but actually made things worse. Thus jotaro spitting “you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong, my healing needed more than time”. In terms of timeline, probably happens right after part 5 jotaro stares longingly at the crusaders picture

“When i see fragile things, helpless things, broken things/i see the familiar” Im sorry every new line i start to analyze i begin crying so im just letting you all know incase the coherency takes a dip (as if this was coherent in the first place lmfao) Anyway so this line in relation to Jotaro is about how he projects HARD on the new generation. We see this w his interactions w josuke and koichi, the “fragile things” (there is no way he didnt see koichi as a filler for kakyoin im sorry. Also he just wants josuke safe with his friends like how he wished he was safe with his own friends as a teenager), how he was wary of giorno, “the helpless things” (jotaro is scared he’ll be similar to his dad, just like jotaro is similar enough to dio to share the same stand power…), and his interactions w jolyne, “the broken things” (angry teen in a prison? Come now). 

“I was little, i was weak, i was perfect too/now i’m a broken mirror” Throwback to the second line. Once again part 6 jotaro is reflecting but the difference here is that part 3 was when jotaro was last unashamedly happy, but more than that, part 3 jotaro was on his way to healing before everything went to shit. like i mentioned earlier, jotaro only relies on someone else completely once, and that happens in part 3. Jotaro is finally able to trust in someone else’s capabilities, which is what he needed to do before he could allow anyone to help him with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Hence, why part 6 jotaro would describe him as “perfect”; because he would’ve been perfect enough if he could just trust in others like that again But as the line suggests, that went wrong. Jotaro is now a “broken mirror,” which alludes to the fact that while he projects onto the kids, the kids (the ones that know him at least) project onto him as well, especially jolyne, because in part 6 she finally figures out her dad’s thought processes, as she is experiencing those patterns of thinking too. Jotaro is a role model for them in the sense of “see him? Do the opposite of what he did” KJ;DNJ;DN;SN

“But i can’t let you see all that i have to lose/all that i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” Same meaning as before mostly but the repetition is important me thinks because it mimics jotaro like frantically trying to remind himself why he must be distant when all he wanted to do was go home to jolyne and be her father

“I can’t let you in --/ i swore never again,/ i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” This means roughly the same thing as the previous line that’s similar to this, but the “i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” is less about jotaro’s selfishness/arrogance and more about how he believes enemies will use his loved ones against him and how goddamn, it would work, it would work so well because jotaro loves so, so damn much It’s a shame distancing himself didn’t work the way he wanted it to and ended up making his loved ones even more vulnerable than they would have been otherwise

“I’m standing guard,/i’m falling apart/and all i want to do is to trust you” (Begins screaming and doesn’t stop) okay so this line is about jotaro and jolyne during the beginning of stone ocean “Im standing guard” alludes to the fact that jotaro is still desperately trying to appear distant and uninterested even as he attempts to break his fucking daughter out of prison “I’m falling apart” ties into jotaro failing miserably at remaining cold towards jolyne, how he eventually caves in and tells her he loves her in addition to taking a literal bullet for her, using time stop to ensure he can make it to her to do so. and also this line ties into how he is literally physically shot and how his memories and stand are taken from him “And all i want to do is to trust you” is directed towards jolyne of course. God his whole “i’ve always cherished you” ties in with this line; like i mentioned earlier, jotaro by part 6 knows his self-imposed isolation is useless, but old habits die hard and also he was in very deep by the time he accepted there was no reason to go in the first place at all. So he doesn’t know how to change, he doesn’t know how to trust jolyne, it’d been 20ish years since he last trusted someone completely, but god he wants to. He wants to trust her. It’s all he wants to do hence this line

“Show me how to lay my sword down/for long enough to let you through” So continuing from the last line, jotaro just wants to let jolyne in. he wants to learn how to do that. I think this line is actually directed towards his younger self; 17 year old jotaro managed to let in a person once, after all (more than one person in fact, but all the crusaders). This would also make more sense w my interpretation of how part 6 jotaro calls part 3 jotaro “perfect” in this regard Essentially it’s jotaro thumbing through his memories to figure out how his past self gathered the security to trust in someone else wholeheartedly...which makes the fact that pucci steals his memories particularly fucked up in this context

“Here i am, pry me open/what do you want to know?” Another line directed toward jolyne. “Here i am, pry me open” refers to how after jotaro tells jolyne he cherishes her, all cards are on the table. He’s shown vulnerability, might as well go full throttle. So, he’s willing to talk to jolyne for the first time ever, especially because she’s a stand user now “What do you want to know?” ties into jotaro being willing to open up, but also the fact that jolyne doesnt really know her dad ):

“I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough/to hold the door shut/and bury my innocence” Hhnghg begins wailing this line is again about post-egypt jotaro. A lot of jotaro’s like...emotional maturation (and even some physical) occurred during the trip to egypt and immediately afterward. he’s in pain and desperately trying to rationalize a way he can be in control of never letting something like what happened in egypt happen again, hence the “im just a kid who grew up scared enough” “To hold the door shut” refers to how jotaro cut off other people, even the people who used to know him very well, like joseph and polnareff and holly “And bury my innocence” i mentioned this in another line but this bit also refers to how jotaro had to grow up quickly to survive, considering his self-imposed isolation and his life path of chasing down dio’s remnants

“But here’s a map, here’s a shovel/here’s my Achilles’ heel” This line is SUPPOSED to be directed toward jolyne but inadvertently it is also directed toward pucci. When jotaro says fuck it and gives up on his pretense of disinterest in jolyne, finally letting her know he loves her, he’s finally building the frame of a bridge to jolyne; he’s ready to do what he’s wanted to for so long, no matter how vulnerable it makes him, and that is to be jolyne’s father. However, pucci takes note of this; he knows to aim for jolyne in the final battle because of jotaro’s earlier actions when he tries breaking jolyne out of prison. It really is a shame how the narrative keeps fucking enforcing jotaro’s shitty self-imposed isolation

“I’m all in, palms out, i’m at your mercy now and i’m ready to begin/i am strong, i am strong, i am strong enough to let you in” Hmm i imagine this line being when jotaro meets back up with jolyne after he gets his memory disk back. The first thing he does is hug her and cradle her close to him, showing off to the world, right in front of pucci, how much his daughter means to him. But jotaro, at least for the moment, is not scared to be vulnerable anymore. Ever since he decided to give up his cold facade, he was ready to let jolyne in, and he finally has the chance to do that at least a little right before the final battle, which is what this line is about

“I’ll shake the ground with all my might/i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” Final battle in stone ocean,,, What the “i’ll shake the ground will all my might” line refers to is jotaro’s willingness to use star platinum the world during the battle. He’s ready to go all in to save the world, and most importantly, save jolyne, even if he has to use the source of his greatest trauma to do it. Jotaro’s a key player and he knows it, has known it for a long time, and this time he’s going to use that for his happy ending. And well, as i mentioned in the last line, jotaro’s done with the self-isolation and throws himself into the role of jolyne’s father, at least as much as he has the right to throw himself into. This is mostly what the “i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” line refers to

“For the innocent, for the vulnerable/i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” More stone ocean final battle. The “innocent and vulnerable” jotaro is showing up for are jolyne, namely, but also hermes and emporio, and beyond that, the world. Jotaro understands how serious this is and he’s always been a force meant for protection, so he is here to do just that, which is what the “i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” line refers to. Jotaro doesnt believe he’s a good person -- and he might not be, in the grand scheme of things -- but he does fight for what he believes is right, he always has, he mentions this way back in stardust crusaders during his fight with kakyoin. He’s never going to let injustice stand, especially not when he knows he’s such a key player

“And i’ll give all i have, i’ll give my blood, give my sweat --/an ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” This line actually applies to all the “final battles” jotaro has been involved in; part 3, part 4, and part 6. Jotaro, as i mentioned in the last line, has a strong sense of justice and is a force that first and foremost tries to protect, which the “i’ll give all i have, i’’l give my blood, give my sweat” part of this line refers to. Jotaro gives his all, has given his all, to rid the world of dio’s influence, he ruined his entire fucking life to do so, and this line gives credence to that. “An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” refers to jotaro mourning all the what-ifs in his life, which are all tied with how the outcomes of these final battles go. If part 3 didnt end the way it did, jotaro would know how to trust still, he wouldve been happy even, maybe he wouldnt have had to sacrifice the rest of his life to dio; if part 4 didn’t end the way it did, maybe jotaro couldve gone home to his daughter, maybe he couldve been a bit of a better dad (this is because kids were involved in part 4 even if they didn’t try to because stand users attract stand users, and jotaro couldnt risk doing that to his daughter, so he ends up never coming home); and now for part 6, jotaro hopes that if it ends just a little better than the previous two, jotaro could at least died a satisfying death of sacrificing himself for jolyne, or maybe even got a chance to try mending his relationship with jolyne if they both survive

“I’m shattered porcelain, glued back together again” So this line speaks to both physical and emotional states Jotaro was physically “shattered porcelain” when he lost his stand and memory and also was shot, and he was “glued back together again” when he got medical attention and jolyne got back his disks Jotaro was emotionally “shattered porcelain” due to the fact he couldnt trust anyone completely since he was 17 goddamn years old but he’s “glued back together again” in the sense he’s ready to finally, finally try and be vulnerable in order to save his relationship with jolyne

“Invincible like i’ve never been” This line hurts so fucking much because i believe jotaro was optimistic, all things considered, at the beginning of the final fight in stone ocean. After all, he knows he’s an important figure in all this, he has his stand disk and memories back, he and jolyne and the others have a plan, and he has a future he wants to fight for in addition to the world’s continued functioning So he feels “invincible” like he’s never felt before because not even during the part 3 final battle with dio did he have the hope for the future he has now. But then. Then pucci brings out the knives. And the man who could control time never had enough in the end. He dies and cant even save jolyne with his death. The world ends. He failed. I think this is perfectly represented with how suddenly the song ends. It just perfectly encapsulates the tragedy that is jotaro kujo and i cant stop fucking thinking about it

thanks for reading all this if you did. jotaro kujo makes me feel mentally ill

[hi-rubi]

hi Rubi this is 👁 anon!! I sent you an ask off anon but I figured I’d send you another and try to say something else. I read another person’s ask that said your writing balances toxicity and redemption well, and I have to say I really agree with that. I love that you don’t shy away from having your characters do shitty things and then having them suffer through the consequences of said things. I think that’s a really mature way of exploring and handling certain darker topics, and it does show that deep down you believe (or want to believe) that people can change and evolve and be better, whether for themselves or for love etc! it’s been something I think about a lot - the way that in your stories, no one is inherently unlovable; characters who believe that eventually realize their own worth, and they learn to fight for themselves.

(sorry this is gonna get long and I hope this doesn’t count as trauma-dumping?) recently I kinda took a step back from a friendship I had with my ex-crush: I really liked him, he didn’t like me that way, and it was hard on both of us? like we changed. we were best friends for a few months and he’d be the first person I talked to when I woke and the last I talked to before I slept. at some point he called me his best friend and deliberately made time to talk to me (like he worked on his class work beforehand so he could message me during class). and when he got a lot more distant I actually would just wrestle with myself and the feelings of loneliness and rejection. I once wrote you a very rambly long anon that I’m slightly ashamed about (bc I really shouldn’t have trauma-dumped in your inbox), but anyway... I realized there were some key differences between us (funnily enough the dispute was about the Mineta update; I was like “omg not Mineta” and he was like “these people suck for looking for representation in the wrong places”) and then I realized... this wasn’t good for me. I tried to not love him (and I will say I’m not in love with him anymore for sure) but it always hurts when you’re the one that’s more invested, right? not his fault that he’s not as invested though bc we don’t owe each other anything. so yeah I’m just taking steps back to not be so dependent on him (bc it’s draining to the both of us)! (it’s kinda sad that I’d been writing in my journal since April about how sad I’d felt about him distancing himself, and that it’s taken Four Months for me to actually stand up for myself and say what I wanted to say, but at least it’s done now! that’s something to be proud of, right? I never used to stand up to people I loved. I’d internalize everything, and then my self-esteem would just sink lower and lower. I’m glad that while this guy wasn’t It for me, at least he’s decent enough and cares about my feelings.)

anyway this long rant is just for me to say that reading your fics has been cathartic for me. the first time I read your fics (I think the rich boy Shoto one), I was sobbing by the time I read to part 5. I felt really lonely and I was wishing he would love me. but like slowly as I kept reading and kept thinking and evaluating, I realized I don’t need /him/ to love me. and sure I’m not perfect and I might have some of my own kinds of toxicity, but that doesn’t mean I’m not worth loving! I’m still working hard to love myself. I’m learning to be compassionate with myself while not giving myself excuses for toxic behavior (eg passive-aggressiveness, overthinking, etc).

I just wanted to tell you that you are a beautiful person (both in and out!!). I could tell this not just from what you write, but from how you interact with the people in your inbox, whether anonymous or not. you have such a big heart, and you pour so much of yourself into your writing. I can see how it’s been both cathartic and perhaps a little destructive to keep ruminating on certain scenarios you’ve dealt with. but also I’m so glad for you that you’re starting to see more hope and light, and hopefully you’re starting to need this coping mechanism less. you are wonderful, not just in what you give others, but in what you are.

when I was looking for MHA smut in the tumblr tag I wasn’t expecting to feel all of this and to experience this change. thank you for that. know that in your journey, there are people who are rooting for you!! love, 👁 anon

p.s. I read your ask about New York and I hope you feel a little more at home now!! you sound like an amazing person to be friends with. even though I’m nowhere near New York (I’m moving from my country to the UK which is still far from NYC), I hope someday I’ll be able to befriend someone like you! and I hope you enjoy the city and the friendships and the drinking and all of it 💜 take care Rubi! known you are loved. the stars cast their love on you.

Ohhhhh my gosh. Eye anon I have so many thoughts putting under cut.

I literally went through the exact same thing. That guy was the reason I wrote half my pieces. Like, scumbag bakusquad and all these other works were about HIM. I know SO WELL how you must feel right now. It is the worst, most painful fucking feeling in the world. The only reason I got over that guy was literally because I went on Wellbutrin (an antidepressant), and I realized my fixation with him (and other guys/things in the past) was quite literally because of my mental illness.

Please, please, please, PLEASE cut him off entirely. I think you mentioned you took a step back from your friendship; I want you to stop reaching out and messaging him completely. You don't have to take my advice, but if I could go back in time and tell myself something, it would be this:

Romanticize your life. Start working out and eating healthy. Get to a point where you feel good about your body. Switch up your fashion and wear shit you'd never normally wear. Experiment with makeup. Meet and talk to as many new people as you can. Go to new places in your city, whether it's a cool new library 30 minutes away or a pretty flower exhibit at the arboretum. Fall deeply in love with your friends and your family. If I were to write a story about you: you are literally a kind, beautiful main character who is moving to the new UK for a fresh start after being hurt in the past, and learns to love herself and others in the process.

Above all, never, ever get upset with yourself for falling for someone. You are an amazing person full of so much love, and he was someone you chose to bless with your emotions. But you probably love so many other things around you- your friends, the crisp air when you go on 7 AM morning runs, the nice lady who compliments your skirt at the store....... he is not unique. He's just one lucky person that got to experience your feelings.

You see how when you romanticize your life and paint yourself as the main character of your narrative, it helps shift everything into perspective? That is what helped me get over him. While my medication did most of the heavy lifting, that mentality just changed the game for me. I hope that you can internalize that, too. It takes a ton of work but I believe in you, and I want to hear updates on how beautiful your life is!! I would also recommend writing it all in a journal/online diary of some sort.

Whoa. You brought up.... SUCH an incredible point. "I can see how it’s been both cathartic and perhaps a little destructive to keep ruminating on certain scenarios you’ve dealt with." You're so right, it was destructive. I was always so absorbed in the cathartic part of it that I was always confused why I felt so destroyed afterwards. I literally wrote that quote doc on my "romanticization" document. There's something so beautiful and poetic about that line.

Thank you so, so much for sending this in. Your incredibly sweet words made me reread this message so many times and also save it. I really really appreciate you being here and I'm so happy I met you <3 Sorry this answer was SO long but eye anon I just.......... I'm just hugging you so hard right now. It feels like I'm talking to myself from the past and I just want you to know that I know what you're going through, and you will persevere.

[thecursedhellblazer-arc]

BASICS.

full name.  John Constantine pronunciation.  Con-stan-TINE (comics) / Con-stan-TEEN ( TV adaptations) nickname(s). Hellblazer, ConJob, The Laughing Magician, The World’s Greatest Con Man, El Diablo, Johnny boy (& all the possible variation of the latter) gender. Male height.   5′11″ age.  35-40 years old (verse dependent) zodiac.  Taurus spoken languages. English, some Spanish, some German, some Italian, Latin, Sanskrit, Egyptian language, Ancient Greek, Old Persian, some Enochian.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color. Dirty blond eye color. Blue (comics) / Brown (TV show) [I tend to go for the blue ones] skin tone.  Fair. body type.  Built. accent.  Heavy British accent (from the area of Liverpool specifically) voice. Often hoarse, the kind of voice you expect from a chain smoker. It goes from being really expressive to emotionless and cold, when he wants it to be. Also, accent. dominant hand.  Ambidextrous posture.  Mostly slouched, with shoulders falling slightly inwards. scars. Plenty. John’s body is littered with scars, both gained during his sparring with the hellish and the supernatural and self-inflicted (for spells, for the most, but not always). He has some marks gained in more “normal” circumstances, like bar/street fights or accidents. Some are light enough that will most likely disappear given the right time, but other are so deep and large that will remain as permanent mementos of the events that have firstly carved them on his skin. tattoos.  Several, spread all over his body (arms, chest, back, some of his legs too). They are almost (if not) all seals and symbols used in spells, protections, or at least have a magical meaning. birthmarks.  None most noticeable feature(s). The first things people tend to notice about him is how he dresses. His appearance is always messy. Clothes in a general state of disarray, mostly creased. Shirt half untucked and with the top buttons always popped open, tie never properly tied, dirty trench coat, cigarette tucked over his ear or somewhere else. However, the physical details tend to be quickly forgotten as soon as he opens his mouth and his flamboyant, pushy attitude comes out.

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth. Liverpool, England hometown. Liverpool, England first words. Either some random curse or ‘killer’, since that’s how his father has always addressed him. siblings. One stillborn twin, older sister (Cheryl) parents. Thomas Constantine (deceased) and Mary Anne Constantine (née Quinn, deceased) parental involvement. His mother died of childbirth, so he never met him. As for his father, he blamed Mary Anne’s death on John and quickly became an alcoholist and an abuser, towards both his children, even if John took most of it.

ADULT LIFE.

occupation. Occult detective, Exorcist, Demonologist, Master of the Dark Arts, Magician, Conman, Gambler. Member of the Legends (verse dependant)   close friends / family. Chas Chandler. All the other people in John’s life come and go without ever truly staying. In LoT verse, the members of the crew. relationship status. Single / verse dependant. financial status. Depends on how much he has got out of others’ pockets through gambling, for the most. He manages, in general. driver’s license.  Never got one. He still knows how to drive, even if he prefers not to. criminal record.   John has ended up in prison several times, mostly for trespassing, stalking, violation of private properties, theft, possession of illegal substances/weapons, disturbing the peace, and so on. None of the accusations ever stuck, because he always found a way to get himself out of them (or someone to pay the bail for him). He has been accused of murder a few times too, but has never been condemned for it. Of course his earthly record pales compared to his “magical” one and to what Hell and a lot of demons consider him responsible for. He is fated to end up in the Pit for more than one reason.

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. “Endless War” by Within Temptation or “Whisper” by Evanescence hobbies to pass time. John’s hobbies often connected to his chosen profession. He spends plenty of time researching the Occult or learning, creating and testing new spells. Aside from that, drinking can be considered a consistent part of his routine and he goes to clubs (when he is feeling like being among people), to drink and flirt (whether for fun or to find someone he can take home…or to any available place that can assure the necessary privacy for a sexual encounter). He also practises yoga and meditation with regularity. mental illnesses.   PTSD, Persistent Depressive Disorder, Guilt complex, Alcohol Use Disorder, Sleep Disorder of Arousal (Sleep Terrors), Tobacco Use Disorder. physical illnesses. Does being destined to develop lung cancer counts? left or right-brained.  Right-brained (mostly) self-confidence level.  Very confident of his abilities and knowledge, sometimes far too much, which leads him to make mistakes and miscalculate risks and dangers. All in all, however, he is conscious of his level of expertise and knows how to use it at the best of his capability. Things changes when it comes to be confident in himself as a person. With trauma and past mistakes he can’t forgive to himself, he mostly thinks of himself as worthless of anything good. His vision of the world and of himself is marked with a strong pessimism, which leads him to constantly see only the shadows, only the half empty glass, to constantly expect for the other shoe to drop. As much as he is trying to get himself out of Hell’s clutches, deep down he almost hopes that he will eventually fail, because he deserves an eternity of the worst torments and more.

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation. Pansexual. romantic orientation. Demiromantic. preferred emotional role.  submissive | dominant | switch preferred sexual role.  submissive | dominant | switch libido.  Fluctuating. At times he’s literally screw everything that moves (within certain limits) because it’s just another unhealthy coping mechanism, like drinking, and others he just isn’t in the mood, no matter who might threw themselves at him. turn on’s. Heated make out sessions, sharp humour, sarcasm, biting / scratching, quickness of mind, bantering, creative thinking, shows of power / strength (done without boasting), fighting (only with specific people). turn off’s. Know-it-all attitude, dull / boring / pushy / clingy / controlling people, discussing long-term relationships, too many questions about his past, anything connected to religion (God and Heaven in particular), lack of humour. love language. Acts of Service, Quality Time relationship tendencies. Getting attached is often not an option for John. When it comes to sex and romance, he more often goes for casual, because it’s safer and less complicated, and he isn’t one to fall fast for people. Most of his past relationships, especially the long-term ones, ended up badly. John’s lifestyle and choices more often than not make it impossible to stay that close to him. And he doesn’t make it any easier, as persuaded as he is that the relationship is doomed from the start. At times, however, it’s hard for him to push people away, both because, at the end of the day, he does need someone by his side, and because he ends up running into people who are quite stubborn when it comes to stick around him.

tagged by: @imthebatman tagging: (idk who likes to do super ass long memes, so don’t feel obliged to do it even if I tagged you! For multi-muses, feel free to pick whatever muse inspires you the most since this is a lot!) @perfectedingbadideas @exanxmo @theclownprnc @areswriites @protectxthem @mythsxndlegends @dwarfstaralloy​ @angelluxi​ @smoakinn​ - & anyone who wants to steal this !

[viktcrr-alt]

MAXENCE DANET FAUVAL / NONBINARY — don’t look now, but is that viktor samuels i see? the 24 year old visual arts student is in their senior year and he/they are a rochester alum. i hear they can be observant, ingenious, reticent and dependent, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he/they will make a name for themselves living in garcia row. ( james. 20. est. she/they. )

LAST INTRO WOOOO !! u know what to mf DO !!

TW DEATH, HEAVY GRIEF, OVERDOSE / DRUG ADDICTION, HOSPITALIZATION, HYPERSEXUALITY, RELIGION MENTIONS, MENTAL ILLNESS

a e s t h e t i c s

old tvs and their static, worn tapes, horror movie screams, spilled ink, a sculptor’s hands, clay-stained, chicken scratch handwriting, messy notes, messy hair, scoffs and eye-rolls, bruised knuckles, sore throats, funeral homes and a crying preacher, shattered ceramics, knife fights, high ledges, vertically-striped pants, red lights, the moon shrouded in clouds, cigarette butts.

general info !!

full name: viktor phillip samuels

nickname(s): icky vicky :/

b.o.d. - jan 2nd

label(s): the black hole, the crepehanger, the impious, the opaque, the tempest, etc.

height: 6′0″

hometown: rochester, new york

sexuality: uuuhhh god … probably pan tbh

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biography !!

okay so … born and raised in rochester, new york to the well known samuels family. preacher father, a mother, a twin sister born 15 minutes before him - aka tatiana samuels, who died back in january.

kinda … grew up as a really awkward, quiet kid? like … just didn’t really interact with other kids super well, preferred being alone and like … digging up bugs in the dirt. only friend was like … his own sister.

grew out of this as they got older, instead sort of … becoming a bit of a dick? to compensate for years of awkwardness? will bite the hand that feeds him. was a full on nuisance by middle school. tatiana was not, at least, noticeably.

has always been a fan of darker materials, y’know - grim and creepy, morbid shit. big fan of tim burton ever since he was a kid, which isn’t … a good look for a preacher’s son, but he’s never really felt ~in~ with the rest of his family, anyway.

drew disturbing pictures as a kid probably tbh that prompted one or two or five phone calls home 2 assure everything was fine.

has always been really … good at art, in general - from drawing to painting to playing with clay, that’s always been viktor’s Thing.

aNyWaYs. being tatiana’s twin brother was kinda hard sometimes. tatiana and him were near opposites besides their same mean-spirited trait. she was better in the public than he was, but viktor was arguably more talented than tatiana. they both loved each other deeply and found each other as competition for their parents’ attention - a rivalry, of sorts.

high school is when viktor really started to act out - started extreme, like losing his virginity in their church and vandalism around the neighborhoods. faked being possessed in the middle of sunday service. almost had an exorcism performed on him, probably.

the only redeemable trait was like … his sheer talent with art. was in a 3d art AP course, specialized in sculpting - could pretty much create anything he wanted with enough dedication.

because his parents would be focused on disciplining him for his antics, tatiana could sneak away and get away with stuff easier. so like, y’know, that’s on the bright-side of things.

never been particularly motivated to do much - wasn’t planning on attending lockwood but his parents kinda … did and sent in his application for him b/c they were Not on board with him Wasting Away (wanted him out of the house asap)

actually pretty smart !! just doesn’t like … want to apply himself ever. double majoring in english and visual arts because they’re like … two of his only interests :/ plus he wants to write and illustrate his own series of children books with a style similar to tim burton’s

he’d been experimenting since high school but college is where he really started to like … crack down on himself and figure himself out. was out as pan & nonbinary by his sophomore year of college, just … not to his family, necessarily. thinks tatiana always knew, but didn’t … really use it against him, blessedly enough

always felt like the whole twin - connection thing was … both wack and also not-wack? sometimes it felt believable but sometimes he had no idea what was going on in tatiana’s head. but he felt oddly transparent to her, always - like he was predictable to no one but her.

( TW DEATH, GRIEF, OVERDOSE / HOSPITALIZATION BEYOND THIS POINT )

but when tatiana disappeared - it was like, like viktor knew. the moment she had been kidnapped - felt something deeply wrong in his gut. and when tatiana died - viktor felt something cut so severely in him. he knew, he always knew exactly when. he couldn’t put his finger on how - but he knew. even when everybody else held out hope for her to be found - he knew.

went on a bender around the same time, had always struggled w/ drug addiction but it got worse the longer tatiana went without being found.

( also struggled heavily with his mental health, too ?? has manic and depressive episodes. will fixate on a sculpting project for six months and then purposely knock it off the table and destroy it in the matter of seconds once it’s finished for. no fucking reason. impulse spends A Lot. )

when her body was found, viktor went off the rails. ended up overdosing and being hospitalized where he spent the next like … however long months … until they deemed him better.

has been back since the beginning of fall semester in an attempt to finish his senior year - mostly out of his parents’ insistence that he did, because he very much did not want to. 

is still dealing with a lot of trauma & grief, which was only amplified with dean lockwood’s death - causing him to spiral and be unpredictable with his mental health. some days are good, and some days are very bad.

personality !!

the human embodiment of a gremlin, fed after midnight. a goblin, if u will. one of those cats with a narrow head and big ass ears. that’s him.

b i g horror & halloween enthusiast. loves the old campy horror movies. probably has an abundance of masks from different movies. dresses like a grimy millennial beetlejuice more than he should. love those vertically striped pants!

fashion alternates between e-boy (would b tik tok famous if he were like … 17), millennial beetlejuice, and like … goth in a crop top and sweatpants. big fan of crop tops. big fan of sweatpants.

he can be fucking mean. petty, aggressive, instigator. will literally spit in ur face or no reason. kind of person who’ll stick his gum into other ppl’s hair. other than that he’s like … pretty okay. he’s not always mean, he’s just a dick like … 70% of the time lmao

i mean yeah okay he’ll call someone a stinky bitch for no reason except He Feels Like It And Believes It. it’s fine he’s fine, we’re fine.

despite the fact tht he’s probably getting into fights whenever - considers himself 2 be a lover n not a fighter but that’s just because he Fucks a lot. kind of uses it like a coping mechanism, like he’s this big fancy carnival show that’s like ‘come one, come all! fuck the dead girl’s twin brother!’ may have a problem w/ hypersexuality but it’s nothing he’s fully. aware of.

the preacher’s whore son, basically

like i said he’s pan & nb, switches between he and they pronouns but like … he has such a fragile grip on his identity that u could call him ‘dog-faced bitch’ and he’d turn like hey wassup :)

vastly impulsive, like i’ve mentioned … destroys his own creations 4 the fun of it, spends all his money on useless shit, will cheat on someone bc he feels like it. screams into the night sky frequently, like a cat in heat.

i mean he also creates useless shit for no reason too. spent six months sculpting a hollowed out tree the size of him and then took a sledgehammer to it.

dramatic fuck. used to play the organ at the church like … when no one was looking after him and service was about to start. just these creepy as melodies. would do the same thing at home on his keyboard w/ the organ setting whenever he got grounded until his parents took away his keyboard sadjfkg

won’t talk about his time away b/c it’s not rly anybody’s business but ofc nothing is sacred to the watershed app, y’know, nothing’s private.

still like - he absolutely refuses to talk about tatiana’s death and like, his mental health or his addiction (he’s fallen back into it tbh but it hasn’t gotten bad again … yet) or like … anything involving his own emotions

will literally just change the topic! abruptly, no warning, asks about the jonas brothers instead.

that being said he’s obsessed with tatiana’s death. tatiana was very much a rock for him, kinda dependent on her in a way? just … being there, y’know, kept him grounded.

so he obv became a shepherd bc he wants to know Everything there is abt the app, wants to be deep inside it, wanted to know Who Exactly Killed Tatiana and like … not saying he wants 2 commit murder but :/ yknow. he’s very upset.

emotionally unavailable while also like crying twice a day.

will tell you straight up what he wants from you, no bullshit, no beating around the bush - just blunt. if he wants to just fuck, nothing else, then that’s that. if he feels deviation he’ll ghost in like. less than a second. kinda awful like that! feels no shame.

but like … also is emotional ?? as shit ?? it’s confusing. he’ll cry on a whim and then flip u off if u try to console him or like. ask him anything. will bite you.

he goes to therapy but he generally fucks around and wastes most of the time until the therapist threatens to like … idk what therapists r allowed to threaten. to send him off to another therapist? idk.

likes being intimidating but like … not with his body or nothing ‘cos he’s a TWIG, but like … uses his love for horror n creepy shit to his advantage. has an abundance of fake blood. has channeled the energy of jack nicholson and used it on tatiana’s boyfriends before.

( also a big fan of sfx makeup, has dabbled in it)

probably chases kids with a chainsaw (w/o the like … chain … or w/e … so it’s not actually Dangerous) around halloween

he’s generally never doing good, both mental health wise and morally.

would probably steal candy from a baby for the fun of it.

i don’t know if there’s a good to him, deep down, and i don’t know if he sees any issues with himself either !! nothing really breaks through to him anymore, the only person who ever really made him stop and Think about his actions was tatiana.

kinda introverted, recluse type who doesn’t rly like most people or going out, but he’ll go to parties if it means he’ll be high as shit.

pretty observant. likes to analyze people even though he’s probably not … fully right.

wanted connections !!

he lives alone currently but like … ex - roommates where viktor was just. a nightmare to live with.

feel like a lot of enemies is also a possibility !! viktor’s messy.

people that like … knew tatiana. dated tatiana, even, and viktor would pretty much try to intimidate / scare them at any given chance :/

close friends of tatiana too

people who hated tatiana but liked viktor. people who hated viktor but liked tatiana

people who take pity on him and he Hates it viciously and vocally.

a band of hooligan gremlin kids who do drugs and fuck shit up around town like they’re edgy teenagers even though they’re all early to mid 20s.

the girl he lost his virginity 2 in high school lmao … a distant memory

fellow rochester locals, from church or school or whatever

exes from the past !! good terms and bad terms, but i love bad terms a whole lot mainly b/c viktor’s a jackass.

don’t know if he’s soft towards anybody but we can try. we can Try.

friends, old friends, new friends, bad friends, good friends, close friends, frenemies, etc. etc. all of it

hookups !! so many hookups. fwbs, one night stands, whatever.

uuhhhh god. i don’t know. im so sleepy rn. people in the same major or similar majors.

maybe a ride or die.

people he’s a bad influence on / an enabler towards / all around toxic for them / each other.

people he’s fought !! people who’ve seen him get into random fights and were like ‘uh wtf’

fellow shepherds !!

literally anything im not picky.

[katsidhe]

Why isn’t Sam insane? 2/3: Mitigating Factors

Welcome to Part Two of my TED talk about Sam’s Sanity :D Refreshments are available in the lobby. 

(Click Here for Part One, and the ask that prompted this.)

This isn’t a topic that can be covered neatly in a few hundred words, or a few thousand. I’m just gonna touch on a few things here: Sam’s coping methods, the amount of time he spent in Hell, and Cas’s polarizing fix in 7.17. 

What are the mitigating factors keeping Sam on his feet?

In brief: 

Lucifer’s diligence in keeping Sam recognizably Sam (see post 1);

The muffling effect of switching dimensions and timelines; 

Death’s wall, however temporary; 

A year of soullessness; 

Cas’s s7 intervention; 

Sam’s heavy-duty coping mechanisms and frankly alarming degree of compartmentalization, which is aided and abetted by all the previous factors (see post 3).

Sam’s a very internal type of guy, which is damn PERILOUS for someone who’s been through things as extreme and awful as he has. Luckily (?), Sam’s basically been built on dissonance, on hiding and separating and fracturing various spheres of his life and pieces of himself. He’s always been good at compartmentalization. Even so...why is he able to rope off his Cage trauma so effectively for several months in s7, into more or less one handy Hallucifer package?

Part of this is because his time in the Cage is already packaged differently. First by the nature of the memories themselves— they’re generally a bunch of mind-bendingly awful, time-dilated memories that took place in an inhuman dimension, in sort-of an alternate timeline while his soulless self was getting up to an entirely separate set of Earthly shenanigans. The Cage doesn’t slot neatly into Sam’s personal sense of human time and continuity. Second, both sets of memories were cordoned off and separated from him by Death’s wall for a number of months, before being set loose all at once in 6.22. That’s another factor making things easier. Third, his recent experience with the empathic disconnect and extreme pragmatism of his soullessness acts as, frankly, a really effective way to steel himself for an inundation of horror. Soulless!Sam himself was born from trauma and had been coping with what parts of the Cage he remembered; he’s basically given Sam a head start on that legwork. 

But the trauma’s still there! Sam’s unique methods for compartmentalization still need to do the heavy lifting. 

I have a lot more thoughts about that but this post got long; look out for a part three to come!

How long was Sam in the Cage?

Let’s talk timelines. I don’t think Sam spent millennia in the Cage. This is something I see discussed a lot. I know the calculation many people use for that conclusion comes from the time in s6 when a crack in Sam’s wall leaks out a few weeks’ worth of memories in a few minutes...but that evidence makes no sense, why in the world would traumatic sudden recall be 1:1 with how Hell time actually, physically operates?? It’s not like Sam literally went to Hell for a few minutes; he just got a bunch of stressful memories dumped on him all at once, that’s what “a few weeks” is meant to quantify: volume. There’s no reason to think the timeline would match up with the real physics of the place. Admittedly, it’s not a stupid idea to postulate that Hell works on the logic of “deeper” = more time dilation, but there’s no canon basis for this. Not to mention that I think six thousand years is several bridges too far even for the mitigating factors in play. Sam could conceivably still be functioning, but I think he’d be much less recognizable. ~120-180 years, while still absurdly long, is at least on the same order of magnitude of a human lifespan.

How much did Cas’s fix in “The Born-Again Identity” actually accomplish?

We know Cas shifting the burden in 7.17 didn’t solve everything. Sam still remembers the Cage; he’s obviously still very impacted by it even when it’s not the narrative focus; S8 Sam is quite different from s5 Sam. I view Cas’s bandaid fix as an analogue for getting Sam on the right meds/a short stay at a crisis facility that gets him back on his feet: the underlying problem is still very much present, but it’s not as acute and dangerous (no more hallucinations and no more literal psychosis), and Sam has been given tools (in the form of some type of mental muffling/emotional distance) to cope. I go back and forth on exactly what I think it is Cas DID. There was obviously a supernatural element to the way Sam’s illness was manifesting, in the sense that Sam couldn’t be sedated. Plus, it was a “transferable” condition. I sometimes am of the opinion that Cas extracted an infected fraction of Lucifer’s grace, but I’m not married to the idea... especially because I am firmly convinced that Hallucifer was 100% a construct of Sam’s creation, and I don’t like to muddy those waters too much. 

I did think 7.17 was a disappointingly cheap ploy back in 2011; that’s when I started watching the show, and Sam’s struggles were a big draw for me. When it aired, I feared 7.17 would be used as an excuse to never address Sam’n’Lucifer again. But instead I was shown to be happily incorrect: Sam’s ongoing Luciferian issues have since been addressed in multiple ways, large and small (especially in s11-14), so I’m mostly satisfied with the fallout of 7.17.

[camofworms]

List of coping mechanism for various brain stuff

I’m writing this list for me and for anyone who could benefit from it. Please read through this because any of these could help you. Read especially if you are mentally ill. Things to do when you are stuck

-Take a sip of water - Trace your fingers on one hand with a finger on your other hand. From one end to the other. Switch hands. And repeat until you can make more movements. - Splash cold water on your face - Open a window - Hold a dog or cat (do not recommend holding an animal that needs fast action in case of emergencies like reptiles prone to bolting) When you brain is stuck - Count to 100. Count back from 100 - List five things you see. four things you hear. 3 things you smell. two things you feel. maybe one thing you taste. Bring yourself back into reality. ground your self into the now. When you are depressed or sad - Listen to upbeat music - watch a funny movie - List three positive things that happened that day or that week - Really really try to focus on positives. It’s really hard but I promise it helps - Do an activity you enjoy. Depression can make you loose interest in activities you usually enjoy, push yourself to do them anyways. Future self will be grateful that you didn’t give up on those interests. - take a walk. or stick your head out a window - Do something spontaneous and safe - Go outside and scream as loud as you can - Cry. Just let yourself cry. I don’t mean force yourself to cry on command, I mean if you are holding something back, stop holding it.

- If you have a feeling something is causing your mood to drop, grab a pen and paper, or open up a document on your computer. Just type. Type everything that comes to mind no matter how mundane it is. Don’t even have to focus on the emotions or anything. Even if you don’t end up with a reason behind your emotions you might end up knowing what you need at that moment. Please be careful about this though. If you have trauma your not ready to safely face without professional help, you really probably shouldn’t do anything that could trigger you. If you know you need a distraction and not any reasons, listen to your gut. -Hold a warm animal -Remember all the people you know support you.  -Write letters to your loved ones. You don’t even have to give them the letters. Make sure its full of positivety though. Just write about how much your appreciate them.  -Exercise!! Do something enjoyable to you. I rollerblade. It releases chemicals into your body that will help you feel better. Even running down your street full sprint until you can’t breath will help.

Things to do instead of harming yourself (I am speaking from a place of experience) -Doodle -Get paper and just tear it up -Destroy something that you wont regret having been destroyed later. Destroying things you love could be a form of self harm. - Scream -Wrap your head up in something tight like an ace bandage (if you feel like beating yourself up or hitting your head on a wall)

- Call up a friend or message a friend to see if they can be physically with you. -Draw on yourself -Stim (repetitive or ongoing stimuli)

-Grab an old book you don’t care about and draw in the pages.

- Excercise. Yes that sounds fucking awful but make it enjoyable. I rollerblade. When I want to hurt myself I rollerblade as fast and hard as I can until I am out of breath and my legs burn. It hurts, but at least this hurt is beneficial to my health. It also releases a lot of good chemicals in your body that will help you feel better.

Dealing with executive dysfunction (difficulty starting continuing and finishing task. Look more into this because I don’t know how to define it better) - When having difficulty sorting up steps of a task. It’s okay to take time to write down the steps. And break the steps up as as far as you need to.

- Focus on the very first step. Getting up or crossing the room. -Start with something small. Wiggle your legs. Sit up. Or go get yourself a glass of water.

-This is going to sound really difficult and sometimes impossible. You might even tell me it’s prototypical nonsense, and I am not saying everyone can do this. But that wall in your brain keeping you from doing what you need to do? It’s glass. And it can be shattered. Push through it. Literally just do it. Imagine your brain is popping alive and imagine how that would feel and get up. I used to get really angry when people told me to do this but, once I started really trying to recover I realized no actual physical thing is keeping me from doing what I need to do.

- Eat something small like a granola bar or something. Takes a lot of steps and actions to do that but it comes naturally and could get the rest of your body going. -ASK FOR HELP!! I know there are people who laughed at us or got angry at us for asking for help. But if you have a friend, or someone you trust not to make you feel like shit, ask for help. You need help taking your shirt off and your partner or best friend is there? Ask for help. Need help drinking water? Need someone to physically pull you up from bed? Need someone to move a blanket from the front of the door because you can’t figure out how to do it? Ask for help.  You are not annoying. You are not a burden. Our brains are really complicating machines, and at times too complicating for itself to function.

What to do when you can’t breath (Do to panicking or anxiety attack)

- Use grounding techniques. You can research grounding techniques now and save them on a piece of paper that you keep in your pocket. My favorite one is the one I have already mentioned. 5 things you see. 4 things you hear. 3 things you smell. 2 things you feel. You can also count backwards from 100. Count forward by 2s or 5s or which ever number comes naturally. If you need physical touch and someone is available to provide that hug them or have them hug you. Weight and pressure are great for grounding. - All while doing these grounding techniques. Focus on your breathing. One breath at a time. It feels like nothing is being pulled into your lungs but you are breathing. You are okay. You are not dying.

Things to do when you can’t speak. Speaking takes a lot more energy than people realize. There is a lot of brain processing going on to get words out and into verbal sounds that make sense.

-Pull out your phone and type it down. -Come up with a way to symbol to close family and friends that you can not think or speak currently. This could be just a simple hand sign. I used to knock against my head when I was in this mode. -Don’t force yourself to speak, it doesn’t benefit you and causes more stress. -People may want to know whats going on and continue ask if you are okay. It slips from their mouth even when they know you can’t answer. You do not have to answer. Nod, shake your head, you don’t owe them an answer unless you are ready to give it. I have not personally experienced intense paranoia and delusions and do not have advise for that. Talk to people who experience it and talk to experts. I am not an export on any of these things. These are things that have worked for me and others a significant amount to write it down. Not everything on this list will work for you, but you wont know until you try it multiple times. Maybe it will work one time but not another. Please take care of yourself.

Sensory overload

- Get yourself out of the enviroment causing you to over load - Carry emergency equipment specialized for you. Headphones, sunglasses, stim toys, etc - If you are trapped in bad environment because no one will help you. Scream until they help you. Melt down if you need to. its scary as shit when its that bad but this is how i survived highschool. They won’t let me leave the cafeteria? i scream and pull my hair and call them names until they send me to the counselors office. This is last resort for dire emergencies. Because if I didnt scream I would have a meltdown in public anyways. - come up with emergency plans and tell them to those who can put them into action in case of emergencies - ground yourself - sometimes its okay to let yourself go into autopilot. Sensory underload (yah its a thing) - keep stim toys on you - if you feel you need to hurt yourself use techniques above for not hurting yourself - go on a walk - take a shower or bath - do multiple things at once. multi task - loud music - ask a friend to get up and do something with you. like spontanious excercise in the middle of the room. dance. play a fast paste video game. go on a walk with you. go on an adventure - Work on your projects to get into a flow. A term I learned in basic pych class. Essentially loosing yourself in a challenging activity you enjoy.

[lizzyxyz]

The night I attempted to end my life...

Trigger Warning: suicide; self-harm; drug addiction/overdose; domestic violence; body dysmorphia

What I am about to share with you is the story of how I attempted to take my life....how close I came....and exactly what came out of it. Please be advised I do mention the above topics. If any of these topics are triggering, please do not continue. 

I am always open to provide an ear, advice, or a virtual hug. 

I love you all, please enjoy. 

I have struggled with mental illness most of my life. Being raised in a house-hold of poor coping mechanisms, substance abuse and domestic violence didn’t necessarily set me up for success; or assist in the seriousness of my illness either. However, what it did do was help set me up for a series of obstacles I would inevitably be blessed to face and overcome...as well as provide me with copious tools in my life tool-belt that I can apply to a wide variety of situations.

At a young age I was molested by my father’s best friend. Additionally I have been a victim of domestic violence, rape, as well as navigating through a family plagued by alcoholism. My family as a unit has faced seemingly impossible situations that have forever shattered the fragile glass that holds the family unit at such high regard and protects it from the ugliness of broken individuals who are bonded by blood gone sour, yet desperately grasping at their instinctual loyalty and love. 

Most children in these types of homes, who have gone through these types of traumas/crises would find solace in school with their friends. For me? School was equally as unbearable due to my weight. I was the fat girl....

I paint for you a picture of an extremely broken, vulnerable, self loathing young woman. A young woman who held no self respect and acted as a carpet to those around her. She suffered from panic attacks, anxiety, mood swings.....she cut to take the pain away. Her search for an outlet to the pain was tiresome as she would literally jump through hoops just to drag a sharp edge across her skin.....razors, scissors, knives.....paper clips.....broken bobby pins....

The above description was my foundation - those were the values I had of myself to walk into adulthood with. I could not cope, I hated who I was as a person, and I was so desperate to find a place where I was loved that I made a three year poor series of choices that eventually lead to rape, addiction, an abusive relationship, witness to severe animal abuse, and financial devastation. 

July of 2017 was the end of the insanity that had become my life. I made the decision to move back home to a chaos I was used to and knew how to work through rather chaos I was unfamiliar with and had no clue how to handle...

July of 2017 I became suicidal and checked myself into a hospital. The sudden haul of the chaos became unbearable. I was broken. I was battered. I was hopeless. 

August of 2017 I am released from the hospital and I am prospering. I have a fantastic job making fantastic money. I am happier than I have ever been. Life is finally good. I am making good choices...I am on cloud nine. 

November of 2017 my mother’s dachshund gets out of the front door and begins to run towards the highway. My mother and I chased him a mile and a half down the busy main road we live off of. I am in heels because I was about to go and buy a car, and she was in shoes that weren’t tied and flopping off of her feet....I trip, fall, and break my foot. I am now out of work until January of 2018. 

December of 2017 I am sinking deeper into my depression. There has been yet another drastic change in my life and I have no income. I have a car I need to pay, I can’t work due to the severity of my injury...and I am being targeted by my family. Four people in a house. Four people who need their space from each other or else situations become volatile quickly. At this point I feel as though I am absolutely nothing. I am unimportant, and with everything I have endured in my life....and with everything that I have failed at....I would be better off dead. I am an ugly....fat...worthless nothing. 

January 3, 2018 I wake up in the critical care unit. I am restrained to the table with leather restraints and there are tubes in my throat. I look around and begin to panic. A nurse comes in and lets me know that my mother and brother had just left - they were with me all night...My aunt was in the waiting room....she came to take their place. The nurse removed my tubes and more nurses came in to take off my restraints and help to get me more comfortable.....My aunt came in.....

“How are you?” “I’m.........I woke up.” “Yes you did.” she began to cry “I woke up.....but I wanted to die...”

At 11:30 p.m. on January 2, 2018 I ingested over 250 pills. My cocktail consisted on a variety of psychiatric medications as well as benzos. I barricaded myself in my bedroom with my dog and my cat and cuddled them as I swallowed each bottle of medication. I did not leave a note. I sent one simple text message to my best friend simply saying I love you at an inconspicuous time of night as to not be suspicious and actively began consuming medication I knew would kill me in an attempt to end my life. I was doing it. I was finally about to escape all of my pain and no longer have to worry about life. I didn’t have to keep running from this black cloud that has plagued me for so long. 

In the last moments I remember before I closed my eyes as I laid in my dirty bedroom I could not bring myself to clean, unshowered from my crippling depression, I did think about my loved ones - human and fur. I thought about them barging into my bedroom to find me dead....I thought about the pain they would endure knowing I died under their roof, partially due to them and their abuse. I thought about leaving my brother behind as well as my biological family I had just gotten in contact with and my new nieces and nephews..........I thought about not seeing my dog and cat again for a very long time. But, I also thought about every bad thing that has ever happened to me....and every bad decision I have ever made. I even thought about conversations I had with people over a decade ago and what I would have said different....I thought about silly things I did as a kid and asked myself why I did them. My entire life flashed before my eyes as I simultaneously remained mindful of the moment I was in. It is as if I was existing in two bodies at that time. I cried until I felt the medication begin to make me sleepy.....I looked at my dog and my cat and hugged them....I apologized to them....I told them I loved them and I nuzzled up to them....it was time. 

It wasn’t until I finally saw my mother later that day that I heard the rest of the story. I have no memory of what happened from the time I blacked out from the overdose to when I woke up in the CCU. 

My dog Kaleb began to scream from my bedroom and furiously scratched at my door. his screaming and scratching woke my mother up from her bedroom across the hall...she said she knew something was wrong and attempted to get into my bedroom. My door was barricaded so she couldn’t get in. I apparently came to the bedroom door to move the chest that was in front and met her at the door. She said my eyes were closed - they never opened. I slurred my words and told her to leave me alone and attempted to continue to walk towards her. She said I couldn’t stand straight and was practically falling down. 

“I screamed for your father and told him there was something wrong. I ran into your room and found your empty bottles. I knew you were overdosing and I screamed that you were overdosing. Your father came up the stairs  and began to scream. Moments later your brother came home and as soon as he came in the door he ran upstairs because he heard us pleading with you. You were combative. You wanted no one to touch you. Anthony helped me get you dressed and down into the car. I began to drive you to the hospital and Anthony was going to meet me there after he got changed and grabbed a few things for us.....but you began to drift in and out....I couldn’t keep you awake.”

My mother pulled over into an apartment complex and called 911. She let them know that I was overdosing in a suicide attempt and that she needed an ambulance. Moments later the police arrived as the first responders. They put me on oxygen and rubbed my chest hard in an attempt to keep me conscious. My eyes still never opened....but I would “come to” and try to get up and out of the car....swinging blindly at the police. The ambulance then arrived and the EMTs attempted to get me into the ambulance. My mother told me that I continued to kick/bite/punch. Four EMTs attempted to hold me down and treat me in the back of the ambulance...

“When they got you into the ER they asked me what you took and I only knew the one medication...they started to do all of these tests and started to pump your stomach. You just kept hitting and hitting and hitting. They tried to restrain you and you broke out of the soft restraints so then they switched to the leather and sedated you......but then you really started to go down hill. You weren’t breathing properly and you lost your gag reflex......that is when they decided to induce you and they put you into a coma. The doctor told me that you probably weren’t going to make it....and I dropped.”

My mother and my brother sat in the critical care unit with me that entire night....they prayed over me.....my brother held my hand and rubbed my arm as he cried and begged for me not to leave him. They asked me why I had done this and blamed themselves. They questioned where things went wrong and what they could have done to make things go right. They were waiting for me to die....they left once the clock hit 8 a.m. and my aunt came to take their place so they could get some sleep...

I woke up. 

The first thing I thought of when I woke up was I woke up....and I was angry. I failed yet again and now needed to face my family as well as the consequences of my actions. Physically I was exhausted - my lung had collapsed, my pancreas was inflamed, I was withdrawing, and I was recovering from a medically induced coma as well as a ventilator. Emotionally I was broken - I had just attempted to end my life and I failed. 

I spent a week in the psychiatric ward once I was released from the medical hospital for my attempt. After that I began an intensive therapy program and started on a daily regime of medication that ultimately helped me remain stable and that I couldn’t overdose on again. 

My mother and brother have PTSD from this experience....they claim they forgive me, but the damage that I have done is damage I can only apologize for...I can never repair this. This will never go away. I have a permanent scar on my lung from when I aspirated and it collapsed...and I must say....I have suffered an extreme personality change which my doctor associates with the overdose and the effects on my brain and its chemistry.

It is now July of 2018...and I am battling cancer. It has been seven months since my attempt...and in seven months I have gone from wanting to end my life.....and attempting to end my life...to now having a value for my life and actually fighting for it...in seven months.

All of the problems that I had before my suicide attempt are still here. Every mistake, every consequence for every action....I still live at home in a toxic environment.....nothing about my situation has changed in the slightest....but what has changed is my perspective. 

Life is a series of peaks and valleys...the peaks are life’s highest points and are addictive...the valleys are life’s lowest points and can be deadly. Our mission is to navigate through these peaks and valleys as if they were equal. We are to be thankful for the valleys and treat them as important as the peaks....for we can only celebrate lavishly if we have survived the deepest of hardships. You cannot have good without bad...and you cannot have bad without good - they are uniquely one.

[jenatwork]

Mental illness and self-care at work

 I’ve had more than one person (including my doctor, ugh) suggest to me that, since I hold down a full-time (and fairly high-level) job, my mental illness can’t be all that bad.

Not true. It’s not uncommon for people with mental illnesses to work full-time, to reach high levels of management or be self-employed and successful. I’m lucky to have a job that I genuinely like, working for an NPO, and my job is my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. In previous jobs, I absolutely have been unwilling to get up or leave the house, taken long stretches of sick-leave or resigned when a job wouldn’t enable me to take time off when I needed it. And even in this job that I love, I struggle a lot, and often can’t do much in the evenings when I get home.

The reason I get by at work is because I’ve developed a ton of self-care strategies and coping mechanisms so that even when I’m tearing myself up inside, I can still get shit done.

 1.       Dress for work.

My job has a fairly relaxed dress code, and if I want to wear jeans and a T-shirt I actually can (and sometimes do). But on days when I’m wearing a button-down shirt or a smart dress, it makes me feel ‘managerial’. It puts me in a work-ready frame of mind before I even leave the house. In previous jobs where I had a uniform, I felt better when my uniform looked good – shirt ironed, smart shoes, and so on. I’m not at work to get a date; I’m here to lead my team and run my shop, and looking the part is like putting on a costume to get me into character.

 2.       Wear stuff you like.

Having said all that, wearing a bit of jewellery or a pair of socks that make me smile helps too! So I’ll wear my button-down shirt, but I’ll wear a pair of dinosaur earrings, or a Pride wristband, or my BMO socks, and get a little reminder of something that makes me smile. My Line Manager actually notices and makes positive comments (I’m lucky to have a Line Manager who appreciates that I’m unapologetically nerdy). If you can’t wear pierced jewellery, wear character socks or a tie-pin or put a keychain on your bag.

 3.       Take packed lunches.

Even if it’s a sandwich you made five minutes before you left the house, it can be a reminder that you did something positive to take care of yourself. When I’m feeling well, I take time to make elaborate decobento boxes or try new recipes. When I’m doing okay, I do meal-prep while making my dinner in the evening (or make extra and pack up the left-overs). When I’m not doing well, I have packets of ramen and small cans of veggies that I can heat up in the microwave at work. Taking even a few minutes to plan ahead and save a bit of money makes me feel like I’ve got some control and am looking after myself. Also, as I have ASD, I have issues with food choice, and if I have to buy a sandwich at the supermarket and they don’t have what I like I can have a full-on meltdown before I even get to work, so packed lunches eliminate that possibility.

 4.       Have healthy snacks available.

Obviously this isn’t possible for everyone, but if you have an office or a break-room and can keep your own food, it helps. I keep cereal and a pack of dried fruit in my office for when I couldn’t manage to make breakfast or if I forget my packed lunch or just want to keep myself from raiding the staff biscuit tin. Eating healthy food regularly also means your brain has fuel to work and focus.

 5.       Use a planner.

I started bullet journaling two years ago, and it’s had a big impact on managing my mental health. As well as helping to organise work stuff, I have spaces for doodling and bullet journaling, so if things get too much I can sit at my desk and have five minutes just putting the bad thoughts down on paper. It probably looks a bit overly dramatic when I read it back later, but at the time, it really helps me to put my thoughts in order and get some stuff out of my system. Plus it’s a way to switch off from work but still look like I’m doing something productive if anyone walks by my office!

 6.       Delegate tasks.

If you’re a supervisor, team leader or manager, trying to do everything yourself can be tempting. My mental illness often makes me feel like I’m worthless if I’m not doing everything myself, but then if I do too much I tire myself out and literally can’t do anything. So I’ve had to work hard to learn to delegate stuff to my team. But I’ve realised that delegating actually helps to remind myself that I’m in charge and I’m managing a team, not just running a business. It takes a bit of effort sometimes to train staff to do something they haven’t done before, but training someone on one specific task saves you a ton of time and energy in the future when you can hand the job to them (or even get them to train someone else!)

 7.       Personalise your work space.

Again, this doesn’t work for everyone. I have a tiny cubbyhole of an office with no door so anyone can walk in at any time. But I have a couple of photographs of my niece pinned up above my computer. Three years ago, when I was at my absolute lowest, the one thing that kept me from killing myself was thinking that I’d never get to see my niece grow up. I also collect little plastic dinosaurs on a bit of empty shelf space, and sometimes my staff even bring one to add to the collection!

 8.       Take breaks.

If you’re bound to take breaks when you’re told to, make the most of them. Have something to read or something relaxing to do (not video games – give your eyes a screen break and enjoy time passing slowly for a while). Sit away from your usual work space. This one is tough for me because we don’t have a break room and I can’t really leave the building, so I switch off my monitor and read or write in my planner.

 9.       Work in short bursts.

When I’m really struggling mentally, I can’t focus on anything for very long. So I work on one thing for about half an hour, then move to a different part of the shop and do something else. I take short breaks – maybe five minutes – then go back to task for another half hour or so.

 10.   Record your achievements.

I do this in my planner, but anywhere you can keep a list works. It’s especially useful on those days when I’m working in short bursts. Even if it’s stuff like ‘answered an e-mail’ or ‘submitted supplies order’, stuff I do daily, having that reminder that I’m getting stuff done helps to keep me motivated.

 11.   Encourage and appreciate others.

Honestly, this is the one I often find the hardest. When my mood is low and I’m isolated from friends, find the mental energy to praise other people seems almost impossible. But it keeps my team motivated and means they’ll work hard even if I’m not. I find that delegating tasks is easiest if my team feel like I’m someone they want to work for. Plus saying positive things to others can help lift my mood when I see them feeling encouraged.

 None of this stuff is intended to be a magical quick-fix. It’s stuff that requires mental and physical effort. I don’t do all of them all of the time (I wore jeans and a T-shirt at work today, and I’m really struggling with the ‘encouraging others’ bit lately since my mood has been particularly low). But putting in that effort is an investment in both my job and my mental health. Yes, it does often leave me exhausted by the end of the day. But putting the effort into my job means I build my sense of self-worth (when I’m unwell and my friends aren’t reaching out to me, I remind myself that my job benefits tons of other people). It means I can pay my bills, and live independently, and have money to do fun stuff when I am feeling well.

I realise this isn’t ‘fairy lights and blanket forts’ fluffy self-care, but I hope this shows it’s possible to hold down a job with a mental illness (and also serves as a reminder that your colleagues who seem like they’ve got their shit together might actually be struggling as well).

[habibialkaysani]

a day late to the party because i pretty much live in the gaol at work now like a goblin, but, 5 + 8 + 21 + 25 for the writing ask!

eep thanks! no such thing as too late to the party :D 

5. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

okay so this one is actually relatively easy, both parts of it actually - I have always had this vague idea in my head, about a character who struggles with her self-image and deep depression and resorts to damaging coping mechanisms as a result. 

while most if not all my characters are to some extent dealing with mental health issues, either it’s purposely not addressed (i.e. the sister of the main character in my novel, who turns her nose up at the idea of mental illness in general and so would not for a second recognise it in herself) or it’s something that is being semi-managed in the background. but I’ve always had this thing in my head that is really looking at the issue of depression and specifically someone who completely breaks down because of it and other factors. 

I know why I haven’t written it or even considered giving it a go yet - I’m not in a good enough place to write that kind of deep shit without getting into deep shit myself, if you get what I’m saying. some things are too heavy for me to write and even my current project gets me SUPER emo at times, lol. I really hope that there’s a point in the future where this changes though because I would absolutely love to write about someone’s journey not necessarily in overcoming depression, but learning to live with it and being happy in spite of it.

8. have you identified any recurring elements or themes across your writing?

hahahaha. uhhhh. most of my main characters have m a j o r issues with their mothers. it’s just a thing. I’m trying and failing to think of any characters who had a genuinely healthy relationship with their mother, so it’s safe to say I am definitely projecting on that one :P 

themes though - hmm. I don’t think I’ve thought about this before in all honesty. I know that I usually like to include a cultural proverb in my writing - or several. my novel includes a few islamic sayings/narrations etc. and in general I really like writing about religion, whether it’s my own or another religion. in my fanfic for instance I have this major weakness for catholic characters and it ends up showing in my fic, even if I’m not hugely knowledgeable in the area - I think there’s something universally relatable about how organised religion can make a devout person feel, especially in terms of its injustices. and specifically certain concepts like fate, and faith, and free will, destiny, etc. all come into my writing a lot more than I realised. hmmm, fascinating. I legit did not realise that until now, haha.

21. BIG ask: what do you think is the most important component of a good story?

oh god. that’s hard. not to sit on the fence with this one but uhhh it kinda depends on someone’s preferences? like for me, I really need to have strong character voices. I don’t just mean in dialogue - I mean in terms of narrative too. I don’t want the narrator to be neutral or stoic, I want them to have an active part to play in the story, which is actually part of why I love the book thief so much - it’s an interesting twist on how stories are usually narrated, from a unique perspective. 

that doesn’t even mean that it has to be from a character’s pov. a book that is currently my favourite ever is disobedience by naomi alderman, and the reason for me why I consider it so fucking gorgeous is because there are parts that are written in third person but with this touch that is - there’s no other word for it - divine. I mean that literally. and that’s really fitting because it’s a book about religion and sexuality. 

additionally what makes a good story for me is how it’s told, keeping it varied and interesting. again, this is conditional to specific tastes, but I personally love when there are alternating povs because it keeps things fresh and makes me eager to know more when it switches to a different perspective. 

25. hey - what are you working on right now?  

ooh! so, in terms of fanfic I am working on the next chapter of my lauryssa daredevil au, which is the equivalent of that mattelektra scene in fogwell’s gym. but like, I’m at the point where I’m kinda sick of looking at it so I am leaving it to cool off for a bit (lol).

otherwise, I was working on this scene in my novel. basically it’s in the aftermath of the main character hating herself after an awkward dinner, but I’ve been struggling with that in all honesty because the dialogue keeps going off track? like they’re talking, and their conversation keeps going off on tangents and I feel like I’m falling back into my old issues of too much exposition. so. am also taking a break from looking at that one for a while. am going to try giving it a stab tomorrow at work.

writing ask meme

[eeveelutionsforequality]

About Split: I think it might be based on Billy Milligan; he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder after he got arrested for three rapes. He had 24 personality, and apparently three of them committed the three different rapes. And like the 24th personality was used for achieving fusion of the other 23. Idk if this changes anything, I just wanted to give another point of view about this issue

But did he turn into a superpowered cannibal that could climb walls?

Like I said, my problems with the film aren't that it portrays someone with DID as capable of bad things, because we are, everybody is - we can be the bad guy, the good guy, and everything in between. In fact, each alter has the potential to be any one of those things. I accept that, and I accept that storytelling might use the fact that one face can hide two very different people to create tension, fear, confusion, and that's perfectly fine in my opinion.

What bothers me about the film is that DID alone isn't a superhero backstory - we can't change our bodies, we aren't "the next stage in evolution", we aren't "on a higher plain", we can't "alter our chemistry", as the movie proposes - we aren't mystical, magical beings. The psychiatrist in the film uses misconceptions about DID, describes that number of alters like it's unheard of, and promotes popular misinformations like that it can "cure blindness" (when in reality, it can simply cause like a psychosomatic blindness or other problems for certain alters, or lessen the degree to which things the body suffers with affect certain alters - for example, if a specific alter is a coping mechanism for a leg injury caused by the abuse, they may be unable to feel or use that leg long after the initial injury is cured, because the brain, when they're in control, believes that the leg is still damaged; or it can create a sort of placebo effect where the brain doesn't believe it has certain symptoms when a specific alter is present, so they present less, like when cancer sufferers drink "magical water" and feel better for a bit despite the water doing nothing). Contrary to what the psychiatrist character in the film says, DID couldn't cure blindness that was caused by any actual physical damage, in the film she says it "healed the nerves" but... it. can't. do. that - either the damage would have healed anyway or it wasn't there to begin with; people can become blind for various reasons, and some blindness is caused by the subconscious mind not communicating what the optical nerves say to the conscious mind, those people can still navigate rooms or smile back, but they don't know why they're doing it since they think they can't see, so an alter could have that type of blindness while another does not, which to an uneducated observer may appear like DID curing blindness. Does the film explain that? Does it use what can actually happen? Nope. It just makes up a bunch of nonsense about DID to explain the impossible scenario, instead of going "actually there's a real world explanation of why this happens, should we use that?" the writers went "lets make up something that sounds cool".

There's a Marvel mutant called Legion, and his mental illnesses (schizophrenia in some incarnations, DID in others) is linked to his mutation and interacts with it, but his mutation, his father being Prof. X, is why he has those powers, not his mental health issue. It would've been easy for Split to take a similar path, to come up with a separate reason for Billy/Dennis/etc's body to be mutated and then have their DID interact with that. But instead the film promotes the misinformation that people with DID have "unlocked" their mind, that they're capable of great feats of transformation (and not just the fact that he can change his clothes in 13 fucking seconds while switching), and so on.

It's like making a Deadpool who's powers were caused by his cancer - not by anything done to him while he had the cancer, not by the mutant gene, not by an unheard of magical strain of cancer, just by normal run of the mill cancer - and that ALL cancer sufferers have this magical, superhuman, mega evolved thing inside of them. Except in this hypothetical, there's also a common myth in the real world that it actually is possible for cancer to cause things that in reality it can't cause, and that cancer sufferers are dangerous, unstable, and the worst of the worst. People would want to correct that, and people would think that it's sloppy researching.

I guess, what it boils down to is that I'm complaining about bad writing and a lack of research. They came up with an unrealistic premise and, instead of delving deeper into the condition and deciding to create a situation in which the disorder and something else worked together to create "The Beast", they just sort of ran with "No this can totally happen"... AND THEN added a character who is supposedly an expert on this and had her spew some pseudoscience at the screen, that some people out there actually buy to a lesser extent.

I just don't like bad science. It's why I love The Martian so much, because it's a sci-fi film that's 99.9% based in scientific fact. Whereas, when I'm watching a sci-fi or horror film and I see something that can't happen, it takes me out of the film, and it annoys me because as a writer I research EVERYTHING and I hold other people to that standard. There are authors who studied historic London city maps meticulously for weeks and continuously while writing the books, and then there are authors who go "Eh, it probably had a bunch of poop everywhere so I'll just describe that and hope they don't notice that my character has taken eighty seven rights and then a left into what would actually be the river", and you can tell when reading or watching their work.

Also the term is "integration", not fusion. I nitpick. That is my problem. And given that I know quite a bit on this topic for obvious reasons, everything I saw of this film - adverts, reviews, clips, etc - bugged me. I will watch the film in full one day, but at the moment I'm too sick to get through that length of time of anything remotely triggering (which sucks because I also want to rewatch The Voices to talk about how the two differ and what makes The Voices a better film, despite both being films with mentally ill bad guys).

Anyway, yeah, I respect that some people like it, feel free to watch it... Just... Remember not to get your understanding of things from movies. And I know that sounds obvious to anyone with a brain, but the number of people I've seen (mostly on Facebook, some irl, some on YouTube) use "...like in Split", or use it as an example of someone with DID, or reference things said in the film to support their incorrect argument, is what probably really set off my dislike for this movie. Up until then I was just "ugh, another typical movie getting shit wrong, using misinformation, that everyone's complaining about because we need representation but no don't portray us like that, or like that, or like that, we are literal angels who are happy all of the time and if you show us being bad or unhappy then you're promoting ableism and blah blah blah", but seeing people genuinely fall for the bullshit in a movie pissed me off and sent me on a bit of a tirade a while back. I've since taken a step back and am more on the "It's just a movie" bandwagon, but I criticize other movies and media when they get things wrong so I'm not going to not criticize this one just because some people are going "It's just a movie, Jesus, you only care because you have DID and it hurt your feels to be the bad guy". Cause I think that's shitty of them and I think that's really misrepresenting my problems with this film from the beginning.

~ Vape

[darryledge]

What Do You Do When You Do Nothing?

There are times when I wonder if there is a part of me that likes being sad. Not ‘enjoy’ it, so to speak, but a weird part of my psyche that somehow, I don’t know, appreciates it? It’s a weird one to explain. The simplest way, that I can think of, is that the sadness is proof to myself that I exist; that I am alive.  I’ve written before how the norm for me is to largely feel nothing, or fake the responses and/or emotions that any situation calls for. It’s my default, and has been ever since some point in high school. Heck, maybe even earlier. 

Right now my regular routine is get out of bed, go to work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. The monotony and stimulation of the usually 15 minute late bus is what I live for, because I currently have no other choice. I’ve become ‘that guy’ who tweets his displeasure at bus companies because they’re not exactly on schedule. I think sometimes that I am a man out of time and could have thrived in the 80s in a synth-pop band. These times we live in have nothing for me, except occasionally asking Piers Morgan to ‘fuck right off’ on Twitter.

As I write this, I feel the weight of depression in my chest. To try and describe it better: it’s a feeling of reluctance, a weakness in your soul, an anxiousness in your stomach, a worry surrounding your body you can’t shake. A loneliness that grips your heart. It’s like the change from day to night - you never notice it at the time, but it’s always there, in the background. Changing, moving, becoming. Earlier it was light. Earlier I was ok. Now it’s dark. Now I’m not ok. And now, over the course of a matter of otherwise insignificant hours, I feel lonely. So very lonely. It’s not just a physical change. It is a mental switch too. It’s changes from wanting to relax on a Sunday and watch TV, to a lingering, swallowing grimness in my head telling me that I should do myself a favour and go to bed; telling me I won’t finish this post; that my friends do not care; that I’ll be nothing, achieve nothing, do nothing, am nothing. I felt this depression today waiting for me, and excused myself quietly to my room when it’s hands placed themselves on my shoulders. As I opened my old laptop, I thought about how I’ve never really had any coping mechanisms to help out. Sometimes I listen to music (although it’s almost always sad or downbeat, as if I needed a soundtrack, today I’m listening to A Tribe Called Quest and you should too). Other times I read books, or get lost in my head in different dialogues, imagining that I am other people, wondering how they would talk to others. Anyone and anywhere but myself, in a quick-fix form of literal desperate self-escapism. I used to go for walks, but when the sad kicks in I can’t bring myself to go anywhere because it has to come with me. Today I hide myself away, waiting for this bout to pass. I find it better that way. Not that I see myself as a burden in these times, but more that I become disengaged in the world, or in the moment, or the people. The negativity currently in me will build up, as it does often. I’ll take it to work with me tomorrow, mount up the stress I normally push back and feel a heat of anger as I consider all the ways I can explode, quit and storm out of the job, but not do it, as I bag another customers items. And then, eventually, I’ll reset to default, monotone, dull, and do it all again a few days/weeks later.  This is the cycle of mental illness. My cycle, at least. I do nothing. I made it to the end of this post at least, so screw you brain. Try and stop me writing about being a sad millennial.

[torturedwarrior]

Healthy ways to deal with mental illness:

What is mental illness? Mental illnesses are conditions of health involving (or a combination of) changes in emotion, thinking, or behavior. In social, work or family activities, mental illnesses are associated with distress and/or problems. Nearly one in five (19%) adults in the U.S. experience some form of mental illness, one in 24 (4.1%) has a serious mental illness * one in 12 (8.5%) has a diagnosed substance use disorder. “There’s only us. There’s only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way, no day but today.” — “No Day but Today,” Rent (submitted by Colleen McDaniel). It takes time and patience to find the right coping mechanism, but it can have a huge impact on how you feel. If you haven't had success with the strategies you've used, or you're looking to add a few more to your toolkit, here are seven coping mechanisms that are worth trying out suggested by mental health professionals. They are Radical Acceptance, Deep Breathing, Opposite to emotion thinking, the five senses, Mental Reframing, and Emotion awareness.

Radical Acceptance- According to Marsha Linehan (creator of dialectal behavior therapy), progressive tolerance means "fully and absolutely embracing something from the core of your soul, with your heart and mind." The idea that no matter what, you can't change a situation is included in this definition. Imagine, for instance, that a tornado is coming. Obviously, to stop the tornado you can't do anything; it's not possible. But if you agree that it's coming, you can respond, plan and stay safe. If you're lying there hoping to get the storm to stop or pretend there's no tornado, when it arrives, you'll be in real trouble. The same applies to the illness of the mind. They can't change the fact you're having a mental disorder, so any time you're wasting trying to "get rid of it" or pretending it doesn't exist just drains precious energy from them. Grant. Accept. Consider the state you are in. Then take the steps you need to take care of yourself.

Deep Breathing-At this level, relaxing is an irritating cliché, but that's because breathing deeply is really the best way to relax fear. I switched to the idea of "5 3 7" breathing while combating my own anxiety: breathe in for 5 seconds Keep the air for 3 seconds Breathe out for 7 seconds This subtle repetition sends a message to the brain that all is well (or soon). Your heart will slow its pace soon, and you'll start relaxing — sometimes without even realizing it. Opposite to emotion thinking-That's how it sounds: the instincts command you to behave in the opposite way. Say you're angry and you need to separate yourself. Reverse-to-emotion urges you to go out and be with men, isolation's reverse behavior. Fight that with something calming like meditation when you feel anxious. Switch to something that stabilizes you while you feel manic. Perhaps this strategy is one of the toughest to put into play, but the outcomes are amazing if you can do it.

The use of a technique called "the five senses" is another effective method of using the physical space to help you perceive the crisis. Instead of concentrating on a particular object, "the 5 senses" shows you what each of the senses feels in that moment. As an example, think of a PTSD flashback in the classroom. Save it! Stop it! Look around you. Look around you. See the clock's hand movement. Feel under you the chair. Listen to the voice of your professor. Smell the chalkboard's faint scent. Chew a rubber slice. It takes only a few seconds to pass through your senses and helps you keep up with what is real, what is happening right now. Mental reframing involves taking and thinking differently about an emotion or stressor. Take traffic, for instance, to get stuck. Yeah, you might say, "Oh, my life is terrible. It's awful. Due to this rain, I'll be late. Why is this happening to me always? “Or you can reframe the thought that might seem like it," The traffic is bad, but I'm still going to get where I go. I can do nothing, so I'm just going to listen to music or an audiobook to spend time. "Perfecting this technology literally can change your point of view in difficult situations. But this ability takes time and practice, as you might imagine.

Emotion Awareness- If you live in denial, it will take much longer to care for your emotions, because once we realize what we feel, we can deal with it or what it causes. So, if you're afraid, take a few minutes to meditate, let's you be anxious. If you're angry, just get angry— then listen to some soothing music. Taking your feelings into account. Allow yourself to feel like you are, and then take action to reduce unhealthy feelings. You can't control your psychological condition, but you can monitor how you react to your symptoms. This isn't easy or easy (like everything else with mental illness), but it can make you feel better emotionally, spiritually and physically by learning, practicing and perfecting treatments. I have tried all of the above approaches and changed the way I deal with the challenges of mental health. To heal from mental disease, it takes strength and determination–in the expectation of feeling better, to try to battle symptoms. You are incredibly strong to survive them, even if you feel weak or helpless about your daily battles. Simple and practical methods can help you fight. Consider these techniques, and the way you feel and live your life will change clearly.

9 Questions Someone with Mental Illness Wishes You Would Ask: Can you help me understand what it’s like living with your condition? Is there anything you need from me or something I can do to help you? Can we do something together – get coffee, go for a walk or see a movie? (Just because the person has mental illness doesn’t mean he/she won’t want to do regular activities), What is your diagnosis and how do you feel about it?, Do you need to talk?, Sometimes talking can help make things feel a little better, What can I do to be there for you, and help you feel supported?, How can I support you – can I listen to you, leave you alone, give you a hug?,  How has living with this condition shaped who you are today?, How are you? You don’t seem like yourself, and I want to know how you’re really feeling because I care about you. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — Albus Dumbledore from “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” (submitted by Eva Gigis). “Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”— Charles Bukowski from “Gamblers All” (submitted by Ashley Mobley).

Mental Health...involves effective functioning in daily activities resulting in Productive activities (work, school, caregiving), Healthy relationships, Ability to adapt to change and cope with adversity. Mental Illness...refers collectively to all diagnosable mental disorders — health conditions involving, Significant changes in thinking, emotion and/or behavior, Distress and/or problems functioning in social, work or family activities.

1.     Talk about your feelings:

         Talking about your feelings can help you stay in good mental health and deal with times when you feel troubled.

2.     Keep active:

Regular exercise can boost your self-esteem and can help you concentrate, sleep, and feel better. Exercise keeps the brain and your other vital organs healthy and is also a significant benefit towards improving your mental health. 3. Eat well: Your brain needs a mix of nutrients in order to stay healthy and function well, just like the other organs in your body. A diet that’s good for your physical health is also good for your mental health.

4. Drink sensibly:

We often drink alcohol to change our mood. Some people drink to deal with fear or loneliness, but the effect is only temporary. When the drink wears off, you feel worse because of the way the alcohol has affected your brain and the rest of your body. Drinking is not a good way to manage difficult feelings.

5. Keep in touch:

There’s nothing better than catching up with someone face to face, but that’s not always possible. You can also give them a call, drop them a note, or chat to them online instead. Keep the lines of communication open: it’s good for you!

 6. Ask for help:

None of us are superhuman. We all sometimes get tired or overwhelmed by how we feel or when things don’t go to plan. If things are getting too much for you and you feel you can’t cope, ask for help. Your family or friends may be able to offer practical help or a listening ear. Local services are there to help you.

7. Take a break

A change of scene or a change of pace is good for your mental health. It could be a five-minute pause from cleaning your kitchen, a half-hour lunch break at work, or a weekend exploring somewhere new. A few minutes can be enough to de-stress you. Give yourself some ‘me time’.

8. Do something you’re good at

What do you love doing? What activities can you lose yourself in? What did you love doing in the past? Enjoying yourself can help beat stress. Doing an activity, you enjoy probably means you’re good at it, and achieving something boosts your self-esteem.

9. Accept who you are:

We’re all different. It’s much healthier to accept that you’re unique than to wish you were more like someone else. Feeling good about yourself boosts your confidence to learn new skills, visit new places and make new friends. Good self-esteem helps you cope when life takes a difficult turn.

10. Care for others:

‘Friends are really important… We help each other whenever we can, so it’s a two-way street, and supporting them uplifts me.’ Caring for others is often an important part of keeping up relationships with people close to you. It can even bring you closer together.

“Promise me you’ll always remember — you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” — Christopher Robin from “Winnie the Pooh” (submitted by Monica Jean Cozadd).  “Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” — Saint Francis of Assisi (submitted by Sherri Paricio Bornhoft). Most people who do not want to address mental illness. But there's nothing to be afraid of mental illness! It is just like heart disease or diabetes a medical condition. Yet symptoms of mental health can be controlled. They constantly broaden our knowledge of the workings of the human brain and therapies that assist people in the effective control of mental health conditions.

 Work Cited:

"How to look after your mental health | Mental Health Foundation." Mental Health Foundation. Web. 10 Jan 2020. <http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/how-to-mental-health>.

Insights, Magellan Health. "9 Questions Someone with Mental Illness Wishes You Would Ask." Magellan Health Insights. 17 Jul 2018. Web. 10 Jan 2020. <http://magellanhealthinsights.com/2018/07/17/9-questions-someone-with-mental-illness-wishes-you-would-ask/>.

Pombo, Emmie. " Self-Help Techniques for Coping with Mental Illness | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness." Home | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness. 1 Feb 2019. Web. 10 Jan 2020. <http://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2019/Self-Help-Techniques-for-Coping-with-Mental-Illnes>.

Schuster, Sarah. "25 Quotes Everyone with a Mental Illness Should Hear | The Mighty." The Mighty. Making health about people... 11 Feb 2016. Web. 10 Jan 2020. <http://themighty.com/2016/02/25-quotes-everyone-with-a-mental-illness-should-hear/>.

"What Is Mental Illness?" Home │ psychiatry.org. Web. 10 Jan 2020. <http://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/what-is-mental-illness>.