stargirlanthem

[stargirlanthem]

i love the feeling of an empty stomach it makes me feel so pure

[stargirlanthem]

120 calorie sorbet

150g frozen berries

2 tbsp light sour cream

sweetener (optional)

blend until desired consistency

it was soo filling and yummy and cures cravings!!! 🤍

[stargirlanthem]

i love buying cute clothes that are too small for me, its so motivating

[stargirlanthem]

“what does it look like”

It looks like garbage bags painted with the muted, slimy, unappealing colors of the food in your pantry. It looks like the silvery sheen left on the water even after you’ve flushed. It looks like shaking fingers with the cuticles chewed off. It looks red. The red of your knuckles, the red of the vessels in your teary eyes, the red of bl00d crusted under your fingernails, the little red steaks that come out of your throat when you’ve abus3d it just a little too much. It looks like piles of dirty dishes and empty wrappers in your room that you move around and stack together to try and make it seem like there’s less than there really is. It looks like hands smeared with snot and tears. It looks like ruined makeup. It looks like half-eaten food that just barely missed the coffee grounds or milk or applesauce next to it in the garbage can.

“What does it sound like”

Gagging. Sobbing. Chewing. Crunching. Boiling. Sizzling. The crinkle of wrappers. The hum of the microwave, the opening of the fridge door or the creak of the pantry that lets you know you’re back here again. Screaming but only inside your head, screams no one can hear, screams you lock behind your slowly-r0tting teeth. Silence. The silence after you’re done with the b1ng3 or you’re done with the pvrg3 where you just sit and think about what you’ve done, taking a second before you finish what you’ve started, delaying the inevitable. The music you put on to cover it up and the music you put on to comfort yourself through each repetitive day, the music that understands in a way you can’t imagine anyone would. Lies. Those words you utter to everyone around with the guilty tinge of dishonesty that only you recognize.

“What does it taste like”

Everything. It tastes like everything. It tastes rotten and dirty and bitter and repugnant. It tastes nostalgic and beautiful and relieving and delicious. It tastes like eating something and knowing what it tastes like when it comes back up. It tastes like coffee in the morning and carefully-measured meals as you tell yourself you’ll get back on track. It tastes like disappointment. It tastes like failure. It tastes bland on your burnt, acid-ruined tongue. It tastes like the water and baking soda you swish around to try and minimize the harm. It tastes perfect like nothing you’ve ever had and you don’t want the taste to leave even if you know it’s festering inside of you and turning you into a monster.

“What does it smell like”

It smells old. Pungent. Sickly-sweet. Dairy that’s curdled with st0mach acid. It doesn’t smell like much because you’re blind to it now, and it barely spends enough time in your st0mach to take on the sour tinge of real pvk3. It smells like the candles you light and the perfume you use to cover it up and try and feel normal, to make your bedroom stink less like the corpse you’re becoming. It smells like sm0ke swirling around and breathed out your window. It smells expired but you still eat it because it doesn’t matter anymore.

“What does it feel like”

It is pain. Pain even when you aren’t feeling pain because the emotional pain of just being this way is a pain that fills you. It’s the twist in your gut when you h3ave on an empty stomach, not quite believing it to be so, wanting to be sure. It feels like the weak ache in your head and chest like TV static when you stand on unsteady legs, the dread that comes knowing you’ll have to eat something again in order to feel normal enough to burn whatever c4l0ries you left behind. It’s the feeling of a horrendously bl0ated stomach whenever you even try to eat normally because you’ve ruined your digestive system and you have to cope with how disgusting it is to be full. It’s a pain in your throat like it’s swelling closed, acid flooding your chest and esophagus, sores on your lips and acne on your chin and an ache in your head that just won’t go away. It’s guilt for everything that’s so horrendous you can’t imagine ever forgiving yourself

[stargirlanthem]

winter th1n$pø ❄️

- imagine cozying up in layers of cute sweaters, sitting perfectly on your silhouette, drinking hot coffee and entering the new year already having met your ugw ❄️

[stargirlanthem]

My grandma is cooking food and it smell SO GOOD she already made me eat a whole apple (wich broke my 2 day streak) and I dont know if im gonna be able to stop myself now😭

Help what do I do?!?!

spray perfume, close your door, chew gum, and try to focus on a different sense to take the focus away from the food and the smell. maybe go outside/for a walk? and if not just stay away from the kitchen, try take a nap.

if she makes you eat or you end up eating, make sure to take a small portion and take it to your room/another room so youre not tempted to take more food. go for everything low calorie if you can, fruit veg etc

hope it helped !!!! 🤍

[stargirlanthem]

[stargirlanthem]

locked in for d1sordered december ⭐️

[stargirlanthem]

288 c4ls

first time ever making egg fried rice so i could probably make it better next time

[stargirlanthem]

happy december 4na angels

i wish everyone a lovely (and sk1nny) month this month 🤍

[stargirlanthem]

i have exams for the next two weeks and i have to up my intake a little even though i really really dont want tooo :(

[stargirlanthem]

173 c4ls !!!

so yummy ugh i love oatmeal

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second pepsi of the night lol

everyone at the party is eating, and im just here with my diet pepsi

[stargirlanthem]

everyone at the party is eating, and im just here with my diet pepsi

[stargirlanthem]

— grades high, bm1 low

school th1nspø 📚

[stargirlanthem]

IM SO EXCITED FOR WINTER ❄️