#Platonic bitchkiller

[moonyswarmsweaters]

They can only agree on one (1) thing:

Bart: you don't want Regulus to die

Barty: and i don't want Regulus to die

Barty: so now we gotta make sure Regulus doesn't want Regulus to die.

Sirius: fantastic plan but have you met Regulus

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

Barty: Mrwhehehehehghh 👺 Sirius: That was the most evil laugh I’ve ever heard Barty: Bet. Barty: MRWHWHEHHHEHEHEHEHGHSCHHH 👺👹 Sirius: You sound like you just murdered someone Barty: Fuck, am I that predictable? Sirius:… Barty: What wasn’t predictable was the amount of blood, though Barty: God damn Sirius: *backs away slowly* Regulus, why is he your friend Regulus: *shrugs* Evan: *putting an arm around Barty’s shoulder* How many? Barty: Victims or stab wounds? Evan: Victims. Sirius: *in shock* Barty: 58 Evan: *didn’t hear him* 59? Barty: Yes, if you count the one I’m still planning *shrugs* Sirius: Regulus: If you can’t tell, you’re next- Sirius, horrified: *whispering* I know.

Based on a chat I just had with my best friend 💅 (I’m Barty)

[whydousernamesevenexist]

How do we feel about (platonic) bitchkiller being besties pre-Hogwarts?

I personally think they would be fucking menaces.

Imagine two intelligent children from old wizarding families. They first met as very young children. But then after some time they met again at some friendly visit between the two families. The adults go discuss something together.

Sirius is about nine and Regulus and Barty are eight (I think those are their age differences, right?). They are left alone together.

At first they just stare at each other, not really knowing how to act because they were trained by their parents for social interactions, but right now there are no parents in sight and none of them actually want to be polite.

Then Regulus picks up a book, because he doesn't really want to interact with either of them, and Sirius and Barty quickly understand that neither of them is a rule follower.

They ask Regulus if he wants to go with them, and when he says no, they leave him alone.

They go around the house, absolutely wrecking anything and everything. They break quills just because they can. They spill potions, or mix them for fun. They draw moustaches and glasses at the portraits despite the portraits' protests. They go to the kitchen and convince the elves to give them sweets.

At some point they go to the piano, but instead of playing it they just smash the keys randomly, and compete over who can make it sound worse.

They're maniacally laughing the whole time.

When they get caught, I think there could be two outcomes:

1. Their parents scold them and punish them, and then have a long conversation in fake-polite voices that is basically just them saying "I'm sorry, Mrs. Black, my son is a menace and a bad influence, I should've kept my eye on him," and "nonsense, Mr. Crouch, it's definitely not Bartemius' fault. Sirius is older and should have been more responsible. I'll make sure to properly discipline him." And they insist on it being their child's fault to the point where they are arguing while fake-smiling and Sirius and Barty are trying not to laugh.

2. Again, they get scolded and punished, but the parents blame the other's kid, and they argue about it. And Sirius and Barty are once again trying not to laugh.

[yourgalgremlin]

Platonic Bitchkiller

Padfoot & Risky: Did I make his animagus a raccoon bc I found this raccoon’s insta?? Hell ya I did.

HC: Sirius & Barty barely tolerate each other, but their animagus forms get along like a house on fire 🔥

HC: Risky is a scoundrel & a thief. He’s always on the run from Animal Control & plotting to heist Regulus’ fancy cat food. He’s an arsonist; he’s just a lil guy.

The name: Bitchkiller? RISKFOOT? Suggestions?

[siriusblackdevotee]

Sirius + forced Jegulus break up

...I want Sirius walking in on Jegulus and then forces them to break up, without realizing it was a break up because he thought they were just friends with benefits.

Like, he knows Regulus, he knows James and he knows his own platonic feelings for James. He just knew that eventually Regulus would see why Sirius was so attached to James. They were two peas in a pod in that craving-for-affection department.

And if they were fucking, he just knew Regulus would eventually fall for James.

It would be great for both of his brothers to actually date (...what a sentence), he'd actually prefer that and thought they'd be a match made in beaven. But unfortunately, last he checked, James was not interested in Regulus or anyone for that matter. He would have told him otherwise, right?

So it was going to end horribly on Regulus's end so by that logic, he forced them to end it. He didn't think he did anything wrong, in fact he pats himself on the back as he basically prevented his brother's future heartbreak.

He would say something like "he's not good for you/you're not good for him/I just know this wouldn't end well." He'd be very evasive or vague about it because obviously, he can't say "my brother might fall for you/you might fall for James"

But then it'd also be said in a way that... to James and Regulus, who thinks Sirius knows about their relationship now, he has no hope for them?? Does not trust them?? Does not believe in them?? Or doesn't like them for the other?? Or does not like them??

Basically they hear "You aren't good for each other." And it like, fucks them up because it's coming from Sirius. He matters to both of them immensely and by extension, his opinion.

Regulus thinks Sirius is disapproving him for James. Can't be James because James is the embodiment of the sun and he can't be bad for anyone so it must be him.

It's him that's incompatible and could somehow hurt James in the future and that's one of his already existing biggest fears or that he wouldn't be good enough for James which is his insecurity. So Sirius saying that further solidifies it??

Whereas James obviously doesn't think that because he personally knows Sirius would never think of his brother that way and he knows Sirius physically can't think of the worst of himself.

So to him Sirius' disapproval meant it was about their relationship. He didn't want them dating and if James didn't have Sirius's approval, he can't be with Regulus at all. No going behind Sirius' back either because the guilt was far too much to handle compared to the pleasure of being in Regulus' company.

So they...break up and Sirius is happy that they stop fucking!! He stays oblivious to the hurt and chaos he caused!!

When he notices Regulus Not Doing Well, he just brushes it off as him being upset he couldn't have James or that he was already slightly falling for James and wishes he could be closer.

He only realizes he may have fucked up when James, who should not be in love with his brother, is no longer his usual sunshine self.

Not really relevant to this...drabble thing but on the side wolfstar? Remus who knew about Jegulus for a while and even helped hide it from Sirius?

The couple were still new and figuring things out, wasn't sure if they'd work out and needed privacy, adding Sirius to the mix would just add more pressure and they didn't want that.

Remus didn't like hiding things from Sirius but he also loves James and Regulus so the deal was Jegulus immediately come clean once they see that the relationship was indeed going somewhere.

And yeah he thought once Jegulus revealed their relationship, there would be some dramatic rejection-but-not-actually-rejection speech from Sirius but he thought Sirius would be overjoyed for them once he calmed down.

So he'd be completely blindsided when he hears that not only did Sirius find out but he also completely forbid them from seeing each other like that.

He's like?? Yo?? That's not my boyfriend?? Did I miscalculate??

Okay well I haven't day dreamed this far into my...daydream. so Remus tries to understand Sirius and is shocked by his flippant "ehh, they'll get over it" attitude. Maybe they fight because Remus cares about James, and he can't believe Sirius would do something like that???

And he tries convincing Sirius too but Sirius isn't hearing any of it.

It's only when Sirius comes to talk to Remus about James' sad energy that they both realize the misunderstanding. Then Sirius fixes his mistake and happy ending!!

I have more regulus angst to add to this but I'm tired now, so the yappathon ends here

Edit: I just realized this doesn't have to be wolfstar. This could bitchkiller too.

Barty helps hide Jegulus from Sirius because he's Regulus's best friend. He can see that Regulus is truly being loved and he wants that relationship to go somewhere. He's a total Jegulus shipper.

Also by hiding it from Sirius, this is definitely a sex innuendo. Sure wolfstar could be the same but I don't see them that way. Remus would distract him by striking up a random conversation whereas Barty would immediately kiss him feral. Sirius with the hormonal, dog brain is very happy when things take a heated turn when he was just wondering where James went, efficiently distracted.

Barty doesn't mind lying to Sirius because it's for his best friend. He wouldn't go through a moral dilemma like Remus would. He's a chill, easy-going guy. Also like, unstable.

For wolfstar, Remus finds out, argues with Sirius, then later a different conversation, Remus corrects the misunderstanding.

But for Bitchkiller, Barty doesn't immediately find out about the break up. He probably gets radio silence from Regulus, who is wallowing in his misery, so he's a bit out of the loop. When he does find out, it's at the same time Sirius noticing something's wrong with James.

So they have the conversation at the same time. Barty immediately explodes on Sirius, he's confused and angry for Regulus, because he's protective. It's only when he literally says "Of course something's wrong with him, you broke them up!" Or something along those lines that Sirius connected the dots.

I am absolutely making them have the conversation at the same time because otherwise, Sirius would be too oblivious and apathetic that it pisses off Barty and makes their argument a bitt too angsty so I'm avoiding that.

Bitchkiller can go from 1-100 so quickly unlike wolfstar which I perceive as the softer one, not perfect, just softer. Actually no, this is just how I view Remus; understanding, empathetic and rational.

Barty can get irrational when he's emotional, like in this case, when Regulus is so fucked over and it's because of Sirius, his boyfriend thing or Regulus's literal brother. It's a mix of feeling betrayal and betrayal on behalf of Regulus. That irrationality could make him quick to verbal aggression or even violence so hence,,,I really wanna make the conversation quick.

(Sirius just responds to whatever is given to him, hence why my perception of wolfstar/bitchkiller entirely depends on his partner)

[silverameco]

A conversation that I believe happened at some point, probably more than once :

Barty : *talking about Sirius* what a fucking cunt

Regulus : Fuck off Barty, nobody but me insults Sirius

Barty : but a hot one

Regulus : ......what

Barty : still an asshole though *sigh that is unclear if annoyed or dreamy*

Regulus : I'm going to murder you.

[knockoff-conlon]

no. the relationships we need more of are the toxic ones. the ones where they really need each other to be there but they resent the fact that they need each other. the ones where they punch each other in the face and then clean their wounds. where they'll rip each other to shreds with their words and then watch tv and eat ice cream together. where they've seen each other screaming and crying and throwing up on their knees and would never tell anyone but don't remember the other's birthday.

i am a sucker for those sorts of relationships. where everything sucks and hurts and they hate each other but they've been around each other too long to leave now.

they just need to hate each other and need each other and really REALLY love each other.

[daddysclownboy]

WAIT HOW HAD I NOT HEARD OF THIS NAME

I’m not a fan of Barty x Sirius but bitchkiller is the funniest ship name ever

[bartythebabygorljr]

HEY SHITHEADS

I’m Barty Crouch JR [this is an RP blog]

tag me in any stuff u want me to react to rahhh

I got this weird muggle website bc idk I was bored lmaooooo

it’s kinda cool but the MLP stuff looks like my nightmares came to life, ate one another and threw up again 😇

he/they ❤️‍🔥

student at Hogwarts rahhhh ⛓️

my dad suckssss but unlike ur mother last night he doesn’t swallow 😉

prolly mentally ill but nah 🔥

ultra black monster is my best friend 😈

My friends r cool and also on here bc everyone finds it impossible to say not to me bc im the coolest:

@evanmp3 - Evan - my darling Rosieeeee❤️ MY BOYFRIEND IM SO IN LOVE WITH

@reg-can-swim - Reggie - says I ‘forced him on here’ 🙄🙄🙄 [I love tjat little depressed victorian boy]

@panda-is-pan - Dora💖 - cool ass witch and objectively one of the best people ever

@cas0meadows - Dorcas <333, she scares me but I love her

@prongsieb0y James. Ugh. Yawn. BORING. Hot. Not saying I like him but if it was a party and he asked to kiss me I’d probably fold like a deckchair 🧍

@remus-john-mo0ny-lupin - Remus. HOTTEST MARSAJFER BU FSR U GUYS

@siriuslyhotterthanyou - Sirius 😍😍😍 lowkey enemies 2 lovers - bitchkiller 4 life

@the-one-and-only-lily-evans - Lilyyyyy - I think she’s really cool :D

@mar-lean-into-me - MARLSSSS - chaotic platonic loml

@peterpeterthepumpkineater - Pete - chill chess boy

@maryhadalittlemaggic - MARY ! She seems rlly cool

@emmy-vance333 - Emmelineee - Mary’s best friend and seems chill :3

@alice-f0rtesc - Alice - I’ve heard rumours she’s actually a supernatural being made of never melting ice cream :3

(OOC: feel free to drop asks in my inbox and ill answer them in character :D also if u wanna join w a character we don’t have yet then DM me <3)

(OOC again: main blog is @thedvilsinthedetails my personality is…the exact same as on here LMAO)

[here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can]

can i bother u for some bcj headcanons?

~🏳️‍🌈

like

you wanna hear mine?

picture me jumping up and down rn here we go

tw for: barty sr (he’s his own warning) and his great fucking parenting /s, me projecting, playing around with pronouns as we go

genderfluid, pansexual, demiromantic

will kill you if you call him by his full name because he doesn’t want to be like his father

speaking of family, her dad is an abusive arsehole, but his mum is the most wonderful person on the planet

so they rlly care about her

barty is batshit insane but we all know that

natural brunette, dyes a few bits of her hair green, but goes completely blonde after evan dies

i ship her with like anyone in existence

rosekiller, sunkiller, bartylus, bitchkiller, bartylily my loves, you name it

barty and regulus have this thing going on where nobody really knows what’s going on between them

are they dating or is it platonic?

turns out they are the secret third thing everyone’s talking about; two souls intertwined for eternity.

they fucked at least once and were each others first, no matter what ships are endgame

he’s the literal definition of really smart but acts like an idiot

they get full marks on everything without even trying

mostly because she wants to make his father proud (not projecting i swear)

eastern european!barty my heart

has the hottest accent ever (hchdjxhjdhx)

over-sexualised themselves to make themselves feel better

literally thought that was the only way he’d be worth something

i give you: bcj with sexual trauma

that’s all i can think of rn that i can post in my main (yk where to get the nsfw stuff out of me lmao or if you don’t it’s in my intro)

[orchideous-nox]

What’s a ship you just can’t get behind and why?

Anything with incest. There are too many people who are chill with shipping siblings and I cannot get behind it.

If we're ignoring the incest and shipping professors with their students (especially while they are children), then I guess there are a few romantic ships I can't get behind that people will be opinionated on like prongsfoot, moonwater, bartylus, bartylily, bitchkiller, sunrose, prongstail, snily and a few others but it could end up being a kinda long list...

I think some ships work so well platonically like prongsfoot, moonwater and prongstail but (and I'm going to be so blunt) friends don't have to put their dicks in each other. I've mentioned this before that sometimes really strong connections can be more powerful if they've never had romantic or sexual interest. Friendships can be so important and making them fuck just kinda takes away from that sometimes. Not everyone can be friends to lovers, I'm so sorry.

I also just can't see several ships working because they would actually hate each other and not in a fun hate sex kind of way. Like I'm sorry, Lily would not be able to stand next to Barty for 5 seconds without wanting to slap him and as much as he would enjoy that it's just not a vibe for me.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

Fav character: mary, lily & sirius

Favourite romantic ship: nobleflower, marylily & wolfstar

Favourite platonic ship: prongsfoot & mary-&-sirius (idk what they're called but they're so underrated)

Rarepair i really like: bitchkiller (i THINK that's sirius & barty right?? but why's sirius a bitch omg 😭) & lily-&-barty (i forgot what they're called)

Fav hc: ooh i have SO many but to pick one i'd say marlene being an ultimate simp for effie (technically most of the ships themselves are hcs lmfao)

Character i kin: remus & lily

tagging but absolutely no pressure and i'm sorry if i didn't tag anyone and also sorry if you've already been tagged by someone else: @littlegayduck @all-too-unwell-13 @cressthebest @jess-quillkiller

Okeyyy do this and tag the moots

marauders fandom get to know me

favorite character(s): Evan, Emmeline

favorite romantic ship: Rosekiller

favorite platonic ship: Regulus & pandora

a rarepair you really like: Rosestar, Bartylily

your favorite hc for any character: Evan loves anything strawberry (flavored, scented, ect)

what character you kin: Evan

@aesthetic-writer18 @starcrossedmoony @regulus-smith @accio-atticus @my-castles-crumbling @foxalade @morallyundefined @cheekyboybeth and anyone else!

[noblehouseofgay]

Once again ranking ships bc A) I can, B) I've learned of more ships since last time, and C) I'm bored and have opinions

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

1 jegulus (nothing will ever beat them. Ever. Nothing. They are everything to me and the more people hate them the more I love them)

2 rosekiller (my beloved psychos. Nobody matches their freak like each other)

3 wolfstar (duh. I can't imagine someone not shipping them)

4 dorlene (fucking lesbian icons I love them)

5 pandalily (ethereal. Fucking. Ethereal.)

6 moonwater (truly it's growing on me but it's not endgame. But I like the idea of them bonding after the prank)

7 bartylus (I like it but not as endgame. Definitely exes/fwb tho)

8 marylily (They're so sweet together)

9 rosestarsunkiller (spicy)

10 marpanlily (ugh three goddesses im not worthy)

11 sunkiller (I like it when it makes Evan and reg jealous)

12 rosewater (same as the last but reversed)

13 Mary and sirius (I read once in a fic that sirius asked what sucking dick was like while she was sucking his and thats canon to me, aka they both realized they're fruity through each other)

14 jily (I don't like it, we know that. Feels bland and too- idk, stereotypical? Idk, I'll never like it, partly bc I'm stubborn)

15 prongsfoot (it feels too incest-y for me but I think they're not romantic not platonic- but a secret third thing)

16 bitchkiller (I think they've thought about hate fucking but that's it)

17 wolfbucks (I don't have a problem with it but I just don't see it)

17.5 moonrose (same as the last one, I just don't see them being more than friends)

18 blackkinnon (wlw mlm besties. That's a lesbian and a homosexual right there)

19 anything with snape (why is this even on my list ew)

20 literal incest (please fall off a cliff!! What do you mean you ship incest!! Very pureblood of you!!)

[olivers-cocoapuffs]

HELLO MY MOON!!

im here to talk about bitchkiller vs. bartylus and why bitchkiller is a much healthier relationship.

(this isnt bartylus slander btw)

okay one of the main differences in bartylus compared to bitchkiller, is communication.

both barty and regulus are not vocal with how they are feeling, and dont express what makes them upset, causing them to blow up over time due to bottling all of their issues and not speaking of them.

WHERE AS BARTY AND SIRIUS ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. i do agree that sirius has difficultys expressing how hes feeling, but he does express when hes angry and hurt. so it would make the relationship a lot healthier because sirius is capable of showing barty what angers him, saddens him or just generally upsets him.

i also believe that sirius would help barty crack out of his shell and show him how hes feeling, where as regulus doesnt know how to express feelings so he wouldnt know what to do or say even if barty showed him how he was feeling.

another point

i feel like there would always be a barrier between regulus and barty, because they were friends prior relationship. like they would be too scared to show affection towards eachothers because they were worried that if they ever split, so would their friendship??

but with sirius and barty, there would be no barriers because if they ever break up, there would be no friendship to salvage. they would be able to show their appreciation and show eachother proper affection. they wouldnt need to fear the thought of their friendship because of breaking up, because there was no friendship?? they would be able to love eachother without thinking they are loving their friend, do u know what i mean??

sorry that was rlly long (like my diq lmao)

okay i js wanted someone to talk to about this.

HELLO MY STAR

I had to put on my glasses for this

(I’m all for bartylus slander so idm either way)

I think that both ships would have very toxic fights?? Bartylus because regulus is very passive aggressive and I don’t think he’d hesitate to bring up topics he knows will hurt barty. Bitchkiller would have more screaming matches though

I can imagine one of either barty or sirius going to slap the other in an argument (w no actual contact, he realised before that) and just broke down and cried :(

Idk I feel like regulus would be too much of a wuss to confess to barty, and barty is just oblivious when it comes to feelings. He’d be like “but in a bro way??” And Evan would want to stab him in his sleep. There’s also the fact that they could be scared to fight, cause they think that one fight will mean the end of their entire relationship (platonic and romantic) so when they eventually fight, it would be really explosive

sirius & barty also don’t have mutual friends (other than reg but I’m not counting him in a canon setting) so they wouldn’t feel pressured by mutual friends to stay together. There’s none of the “but if we break up, what will happen to our group??” And they’re just in love For Them And No One Else

lot less pressure

I enjoyed it (ofc)

always happy to help

The Americans* are awake so I’m off to have my character slandered 🥰

*my stranger things friends

[twojwujo-stanislaw]

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

Hello everyone ✨️

💜 My name's Julia, but you can call me Stachu :) 💜

Me in perspective of tumblr user I follow (very cool user ^^ )

Nickname change information

🩷 Marauders, Stranger Things, Musical SIX, 13 Posterunek, iCarly and Shrek fan 🩷

🩵 My other account: @wolfstar-for-life

❤️ Multishipper :> ❤️

♥︎ Joined: 14/06/2024 ♥︎

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★ Poland 🇵🇱

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★ I have no idea what my orientation is, for now I'm Dora The Explorer 🤌

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★ Cis

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

★ She/Her

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★ Aquarius ♒️

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★ Gen Z

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★ Minor

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💗 Marauders Era 💗

Favorite characters

Regulus Acturus Black

Sirius Orion Black

Remus John Lupin

Pandora Rosier

Lily Jade Evans

Favorite ships

Wolfstar (Remus/Sirius)

Moonchaser (Remus/James)

Jily (James/Lily)

Moonkiller (Remus/Barty)

Moonwater (Regulus/Remus)

Bartylily (Barty/Lily)

Rosekiller (Evan/Barty)

Evan(s) (Evan/Lily)

Pandalily (Pandora/Lily)

Marylily (Mary/Lily)

Dorlene (Dorcas/Marlene)

Favorite platonic ships

Prongsfoot (James/Sirius)

Bartylus (Barty/Regulus)

Lovekiller (Luna/Barty)

Moonwater (Remus/Regulus)

Moonflower (Remus/Lily)

Regulily (Regulus/Lily)

Lilypad (Lily/Sirius)

Fairyseeker (Pandora/Regulus)

Seaseeker (Marlene/James)

Blackinnon (Sirius/Marlene)

Black Brothers

Rosier Twins

Bitchkiller (Sirius/Barty)

Regupete (Regulus/Peter)

Wisestar (McGonagall/Sirius)

Suntail (James/Peter)

Peterpan (Peter/Pandora)

Moongift (Remus/Pandora)

Favorite headcanons

French Black Brothers

Polish Remus

German Peter

British James

Czech Lily

Remus, Lily and Regulus owned Book Club

McGonagall is James' Godmother

(Others headcanon from my blog)

💛 Stranger Things 💛

Favorite characters

Robin Buckley

Edward "Eddie" Munson

Steve Harrington

Dustin Henderson

Maxim "Max" Mayfield

Favorite ships

Steddie (Steve/Eddie)

Byler (Will/Mike)

Ronance (Robin/Nance)

Lumax (Lucas/Max)

Favorite platonic ships

Stustin (Steve/Dustin)

Stobin (Steve/Robin)

Elmax (Jane/Max)

Reddie (Robin/Eddie)

Willel (Will/Jane)

Mileven (Mike/Jane)

Willmax (Will/Max)

Hellcheer (Eddie/Chrissy)

💚 Hobbys 💚

skateboarding 🛹

crocheting 🧶

playing the guitar 🎸

reading 📚

doodle 🖊

sketching ✏️

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

[sxge-ast3rs]

platonic bitchkiller would rule the fucking world but have u heard of this crack ship that prongsieboi on tiktok made? Part (peter and barty), then there's also pool party (peter barty regulus), political party (peter barty and Evan I think), roadkill (James and barty), liltemius (self explanatory)

I learned today that there's a ship for barty x Sirius called bitchkiller. do I ship them? absolutely not. do I think that's the funniest thing I've ever seen? yeah