#platonic bitchkiller

[whydousernamesevenexist]

How do we feel about (platonic) bitchkiller being besties pre-Hogwarts?

I personally think they would be fucking menaces.

Imagine two intelligent children from old wizarding families. They first met as very young children. But then after some time they met again at some friendly visit between the two families. The adults go discuss something together.

Sirius is about nine and Regulus and Barty are eight (I think those are their age differences, right?). They are left alone together.

At first they just stare at each other, not really knowing how to act because they were trained by their parents for social interactions, but right now there are no parents in sight and none of them actually want to be polite.

Then Regulus picks up a book, because he doesn't really want to interact with either of them, and Sirius and Barty quickly understand that neither of them is a rule follower.

They ask Regulus if he wants to go with them, and when he says no, they leave him alone.

They go around the house, absolutely wrecking anything and everything. They break quills just because they can. They spill potions, or mix them for fun. They draw moustaches and glasses at the portraits despite the portraits' protests. They go to the kitchen and convince the elves to give them sweets.

At some point they go to the piano, but instead of playing it they just smash the keys randomly, and compete over who can make it sound worse.

They're maniacally laughing the whole time.

When they get caught, I think there could be two outcomes:

1. Their parents scold them and punish them, and then have a long conversation in fake-polite voices that is basically just them saying "I'm sorry, Mrs. Black, my son is a menace and a bad influence, I should've kept my eye on him," and "nonsense, Mr. Crouch, it's definitely not Bartemius' fault. Sirius is older and should have been more responsible. I'll make sure to properly discipline him." And they insist on it being their child's fault to the point where they are arguing while fake-smiling and Sirius and Barty are trying not to laugh.

2. Again, they get scolded and punished, but the parents blame the other's kid, and they argue about it. And Sirius and Barty are once again trying not to laugh.

[yourgalgremlin]

Platonic Bitchkiller

Padfoot & Risky: Did I make his animagus a raccoon bc I found this raccoon’s insta?? Hell ya I did.

HC: Sirius & Barty barely tolerate each other, but their animagus forms get along like a house on fire 🔥

HC: Risky is a scoundrel & a thief. He’s always on the run from Animal Control & plotting to heist Regulus’ fancy cat food. He’s an arsonist; he’s just a lil guy.

The name: Bitchkiller? RISKFOOT? Suggestions?

[silverameco]

A conversation that I believe happened at some point, probably more than once :

Barty : *talking about Sirius* what a fucking cunt

Regulus : Fuck off Barty, nobody but me insults Sirius

Barty : but a hot one

Regulus : ......what

Barty : still an asshole though *sigh that is unclear if annoyed or dreamy*

Regulus : I'm going to murder you.

[knockoff-conlon]

no. the relationships we need more of are the toxic ones. the ones where they really need each other to be there but they resent the fact that they need each other. the ones where they punch each other in the face and then clean their wounds. where they'll rip each other to shreds with their words and then watch tv and eat ice cream together. where they've seen each other screaming and crying and throwing up on their knees and would never tell anyone but don't remember the other's birthday.

i am a sucker for those sorts of relationships. where everything sucks and hurts and they hate each other but they've been around each other too long to leave now.

they just need to hate each other and need each other and really REALLY love each other.

[bartythebabygorljr]

HEY SHITHEADS

I’m Barty Crouch JR [this is an RP blog]

tag me in any stuff u want me to react to rahhh

I got this weird muggle website bc idk I was bored lmaooooo

it’s kinda cool but the MLP stuff looks like my nightmares came to life, ate one another and threw up again 😇

he/they ❤️‍🔥

student at Hogwarts rahhhh ⛓️

my dad suckssss but unlike ur mother last night he doesn’t swallow 😉

prolly mentally ill but nah 🔥

ultra black monster is my best friend 😈

My friends r cool and also on here bc everyone finds it impossible to say not to me bc im the coolest:

@evanmp3 - Evan - my darling Rosieeeee❤️ MY BOYFRIEND IM SO IN LOVE WITH

@reg-can-swim - Reggie - says I ‘forced him on here’ 🙄🙄🙄 [I love tjat little depressed victorian boy]

@panda-is-pan - Dora💖 - cool ass witch and objectively one of the best people ever

@cas0meadows - Dorcas <333, she scares me but I love her

@prongsieb0y James. Ugh. Yawn. BORING. Hot. Not saying I like him but if it was a party and he asked to kiss me I’d probably fold like a deckchair 🧍

@remus-john-mo0ny-lupin - Remus. HOTTEST MARSAJFER BU FSR U GUYS

@siriuslyhotterthanyou - Sirius 😍😍😍 lowkey enemies 2 lovers - bitchkiller 4 life

@the-one-and-only-lily-evans - Lilyyyyy - I think she’s really cool :D

@mar-lean-into-me - MARLSSSS - chaotic platonic loml

@peterpeterthepumpkineater - Pete - chill chess boy

@maryhadalittlemaggic - MARY ! She seems rlly cool

@emmy-vance333 - Emmelineee - Mary’s best friend and seems chill :3

@alice-f0rtesc - Alice - I’ve heard rumours she’s actually a supernatural being made of never melting ice cream :3

(OOC: feel free to drop asks in my inbox and ill answer them in character :D also if u wanna join w a character we don’t have yet then DM me <3)

(OOC again: main blog is @thedvilsinthedetails my personality is…the exact same as on here LMAO)

[orchideous-nox]

What’s a ship you just can’t get behind and why?

Anything with incest. There are too many people who are chill with shipping siblings and I cannot get behind it.

If we're ignoring the incest and shipping professors with their students (especially while they are children), then I guess there are a few romantic ships I can't get behind that people will be opinionated on like prongsfoot, moonwater, bartylus, bartylily, bitchkiller, sunrose, prongstail, snily and a few others but it could end up being a kinda long list...

I think some ships work so well platonically like prongsfoot, moonwater and prongstail but (and I'm going to be so blunt) friends don't have to put their dicks in each other. I've mentioned this before that sometimes really strong connections can be more powerful if they've never had romantic or sexual interest. Friendships can be so important and making them fuck just kinda takes away from that sometimes. Not everyone can be friends to lovers, I'm so sorry.

I also just can't see several ships working because they would actually hate each other and not in a fun hate sex kind of way. Like I'm sorry, Lily would not be able to stand next to Barty for 5 seconds without wanting to slap him and as much as he would enjoy that it's just not a vibe for me.

[noblehouseofgay]

Once again ranking ships bc A) I can, B) I've learned of more ships since last time, and C) I'm bored and have opinions

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

1 jegulus (nothing will ever beat them. Ever. Nothing. They are everything to me and the more people hate them the more I love them)

2 rosekiller (my beloved psychos. Nobody matches their freak like each other)

3 wolfstar (duh. I can't imagine someone not shipping them)

4 dorlene (fucking lesbian icons I love them)

5 pandalily (ethereal. Fucking. Ethereal.)

6 moonwater (truly it's growing on me but it's not endgame. But I like the idea of them bonding after the prank)

7 bartylus (I like it but not as endgame. Definitely exes/fwb tho)

8 marylily (They're so sweet together)

9 rosestarsunkiller (spicy)

10 marpanlily (ugh three goddesses im not worthy)

11 sunkiller (I like it when it makes Evan and reg jealous)

12 rosewater (same as the last but reversed)

13 Mary and sirius (I read once in a fic that sirius asked what sucking dick was like while she was sucking his and thats canon to me, aka they both realized they're fruity through each other)

14 jily (I don't like it, we know that. Feels bland and too- idk, stereotypical? Idk, I'll never like it, partly bc I'm stubborn)

15 prongsfoot (it feels too incest-y for me but I think they're not romantic not platonic- but a secret third thing)

16 bitchkiller (I think they've thought about hate fucking but that's it)

17 wolfbucks (I don't have a problem with it but I just don't see it)

17.5 moonrose (same as the last one, I just don't see them being more than friends)

18 blackkinnon (wlw mlm besties. That's a lesbian and a homosexual right there)

19 anything with snape (why is this even on my list ew)

20 literal incest (please fall off a cliff!! What do you mean you ship incest!! Very pureblood of you!!)

[olivers-cocoapuffs]

HELLO MY MOON!!

im here to talk about bitchkiller vs. bartylus and why bitchkiller is a much healthier relationship.

(this isnt bartylus slander btw)

okay one of the main differences in bartylus compared to bitchkiller, is communication.

both barty and regulus are not vocal with how they are feeling, and dont express what makes them upset, causing them to blow up over time due to bottling all of their issues and not speaking of them.

WHERE AS BARTY AND SIRIUS ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. i do agree that sirius has difficultys expressing how hes feeling, but he does express when hes angry and hurt. so it would make the relationship a lot healthier because sirius is capable of showing barty what angers him, saddens him or just generally upsets him.

i also believe that sirius would help barty crack out of his shell and show him how hes feeling, where as regulus doesnt know how to express feelings so he wouldnt know what to do or say even if barty showed him how he was feeling.

another point

i feel like there would always be a barrier between regulus and barty, because they were friends prior relationship. like they would be too scared to show affection towards eachothers because they were worried that if they ever split, so would their friendship??

but with sirius and barty, there would be no barriers because if they ever break up, there would be no friendship to salvage. they would be able to show their appreciation and show eachother proper affection. they wouldnt need to fear the thought of their friendship because of breaking up, because there was no friendship?? they would be able to love eachother without thinking they are loving their friend, do u know what i mean??

sorry that was rlly long (like my diq lmao)

okay i js wanted someone to talk to about this.

HELLO MY STAR

I had to put on my glasses for this

(I’m all for bartylus slander so idm either way)

I think that both ships would have very toxic fights?? Bartylus because regulus is very passive aggressive and I don’t think he’d hesitate to bring up topics he knows will hurt barty. Bitchkiller would have more screaming matches though

I can imagine one of either barty or sirius going to slap the other in an argument (w no actual contact, he realised before that) and just broke down and cried :(

Idk I feel like regulus would be too much of a wuss to confess to barty, and barty is just oblivious when it comes to feelings. He’d be like “but in a bro way??” And Evan would want to stab him in his sleep. There’s also the fact that they could be scared to fight, cause they think that one fight will mean the end of their entire relationship (platonic and romantic) so when they eventually fight, it would be really explosive

sirius & barty also don’t have mutual friends (other than reg but I’m not counting him in a canon setting) so they wouldn’t feel pressured by mutual friends to stay together. There’s none of the “but if we break up, what will happen to our group??” And they’re just in love For Them And No One Else

lot less pressure

I enjoyed it (ofc)

always happy to help

The Americans* are awake so I’m off to have my character slandered 🥰

*my stranger things friends

[orchideous-nox]

Least fav ships? common or rarepair :3

I answered something similar here!

I think there are some ships that are great platonically that I can't get behind romantically like moonwater and prongsfoot, I enjoy them as friends.

But then there's ships like bitchkiller and bartylily and rosechaser (i think that's James and Evan's ship name) that I just don't think could stand being in the same room as one another for more than 5 minutes.