#humor headcanons

[summercreolefanfictioner]

diabolik lovers modern college au general headcanons (sakamaki brothers)

• the sakamaki bros don't live in the same house, except for the triplets bcos cordelia is the only legal wife of karl in this au (she's the first wife after all)

• shuu lives in one of beatrix's old condo unit while reiji in one of karl's mini house (yeah he has that house all by himself bcos kaaaaarl)

• subaru lives in the university dorm bcos he doesn't like relying on karl (well except for christa's meds bcos she went insane and all that sht so karl might as well pay for that)

• despite going to the same university, the six of them don't cross paths often (except for the triplets and subaru bcos they like to rile him up and tease him endlessly like a torture)

• since this is modern college au, all characters are aged up (shuu is 22, reiji is 21, the triplets are 20, and subaru is 19)

• despite being the oldest, shuu is stuck in his second year bcos he kept repeating most of his law electives (he would rather slack off than pass his law course wtf and it usually takes around 4-5 yrs to finish)

• all bros were mandated by karl to take at least one business elective per year bcos they might be working under his corporation in the near future (ayato's major is business so he has no escape)

• reiji is an exception to this rule bcos he had been granted by karl to focus only on neurosurgery since "he's the only son who doesn't disrespect me" (tbh it was only a ruse by karl since he has no reasons to make reiji his heir despite him being a genius 💀💀💀)

• ayato is so famous in the university like his red hair stands out and his status as the university's most popular basketball player made him the school IT boy

• but bcos he's a varsity player, he's not often at school so he had to take weekend classes (this is also another reason why most of his exes are either girls who watched his game or they're students from other univ or college)

• his famous relationship tho was with a rich girl who's also the main dancer of a popular cheerleading squad from a rival school (ayato broke up with her due to the immense pressure of social media and her fans)

• ayato is also the eternal chauffer of his two bros like hello let him flaunt that red sports car baby (laito and kanato have their own cars; they just don't like driving that much)

• kanato studies forensic mortuary in the same bldg as ayato and reiji; the law bldg is a separate institution from them so they have no idea what shuu was doing

• except for kanato bcos he likes lounging in the music room singing scarborough fair and bcos his voice is so relaxing, shuu listens to it for free (kanato secretly hates that shuu does it tho bcos it reminds him too much of cordelia and her shtty ways of traumatizing him)

• laito is studying hotel and restaurant management on another bldg and it's the farthest one from all his bros (like you have to pass by 4 or 5 larger bldgs before you reach their institution)

• this is bcos ryoutei university has their own dedicated hotel and restaurant for students with courses related to said industry

• so yeah maya (aka my oc/kanato's s/o) sees laito more often than her own boyfriend in the campus

• laito always has exes in every course like there would be 3 or 4 girls under the same course that have already slept with him what a slut

• and yes there is a huge possibility laito, subaru, and shuu have dated the same girl bcos these three would only date the same type of girl (the pure looking one who secretly has lewd desires and digs bad boys like them)

• it was a shock for yui when she found out half of the girls from her class have slept with laito

• then laito told her he likes corrupting pure girls and toying with their minds until they become insane and dependent on him (sounds canon, no?)

• there was a time when laito dated one of kanato's professors and she ended up dealing with kanato's incessant and murderous glares every time she teaches their class. his reason? bcos "she reeks so much of that perverted laito"

• the sbros actually had this same english prof who randomly fails someone despite their intelligence bcos he likes exerting his power like that

• while some of them threaten him using the sakamaki name, kanato had to disguise as a girl and seduce the sht out of this perverted teacher (the old geezer was so hooked he just believed this girl was kanato's twin substituting for his bro bcos he was 'sick')

• speaking of which, subaru got attracted to kanato's alter ego like once upon a time he saw her daintly pick up her bag and tuck her hair behind her ear and boom heart arrows everywhere

• afterward, subaru asked kanato who was that one chick at his class with the long black hair dressing like a sexy lolita

• "oh, you mean me?"

• subaru had nightmares after that

• and yes kanato uses that info to blackmail him to do his bidding

• "if you don't do what I say, I'll tell everyone you fell in love with my alter ego"

• oh btw subaru's major is more on athletics? like he wanted to be a PE or sports instructor/coach in the future bcos accdg to him "fighting is the only thing I'm good at"

• his allowance is mostly spent on repairs on the dorm tho (guess punching walls ain't limited in the family house)

• the reality of his dream is beginning to weigh on him tho bcos some students are scared shtless of him and his violent tendencies

• laito became one of his students one time when he was assigned to be an assistant coach

• "waaahh subaru-kun your expression is so scary pls be gentle"

• reiji actually dated someone from ayato's class bcos her father has huge connections with famous neurosurgeons

• shuu keeps a video of one of his exes doing some cowgirl sht on him (he likes her moans that's why)

• all of kanato's exes studied in the same bldg as him; and yes, they are all from yui's course but each of them from different years and classes (he is picky like that)

• up to this day, reiji looks down on this one female classmate who dated shuu like what does she see in that good-for-nothing (well uhh his huge d-)

• accdg to both kanato and laito, yui is the loudest girl ayato has been with (kanato swore one day he'll stuff her mouth with socks until she chokes if she keeps moaning so loud while he's watching his fave murder docu series)

• ayato keeps teasing both reiji and subaru as virgins (they aren't tho; but despite their tough facade, their experiences are quite hmmm minimal so there are things they don't know)

• shuu almost dated this one classmate of kanato (almost bcos she keeps talking abt those dead people she handled with formaldehyde which is gross so he was turned off a bit)

• the triplets are usually the representatives of karl during his corporate and family parties (sometimes the other three will drop by... well mostly reiji but the other two must've been forced by karl somehow)

• there was a drunk scandal video of the triplets and subaru where subaru was driving while kanato and ayato kept making fun of him

• then kanato was video calling maya and asking her to come over and "watch a movie with him" while ayato was making delusions of aliens flying around the car, almost causing subaru to drive the wrong way

• laito was sitting beside subaru, reprimanding ayato to stop his delusions bcos there were no aliens but only flying trees (ayo what?)

• there's a part 2 but this time shuu and reiji were in the car and shuu kept laughing at ayato bcos subaru's driving is getting messed up bcos of the alien shenanigans

• and reiji was crying bcos apparently all of them are going to die and also bcos kanato is finally talking "properly" to a girl (what do you mean properly he is being a pervert)

• he also said "laito has finally seen the light and started being the good son"

• yui is actually the one filming all this videos tho

ps. I might make memes abt modern college au later on

[olailamajnoon]

Headcanon: Jason, after coming back from the dead, decides to fuck with Bruce for revenge and also because it slaps, but mostly for revenge ykwim

Bruce blames coffee and lack of sleep for the fact that the pizza delivery boy looks like Jason, the club bouncer looks like Jason, the clerk in Damian's school looks like Jason

Jason: here's your pizza, mister *shoves it into Bruce's face*

Bruce: 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 can I ask your name

Jason: Percy, but everyone just calls me Purse. Like in "cut purse"

Bruce: *under his breath* jesus, you even SOUND like him

Jason, wide innocent eyes popping out of his chiseled man face: you okay dude?

Bruce, convinced he's finally lost his mind, but still holding on to the "illusion": Do you want to come inside?

Jason, deadpan: dude you're rich white and famous, you really think imma let you take me inside your gargantuan Gothic mansion? Being killed one time's enough

Bruce, turning around: *wHaT dId YoU sAy*

[shyjusticewarrior]

[loveanddeepstress]

Slight spoilers, completely humor purpose cause it's funny.

Lads headcanon, what if we're astra's daughter and he just can't stand the idea of his child in a relationship.

"You can't fall in love with the god of the sea! He's a drama queen and all the way in the depths of lemuria!"

"Maybe some time in the mountains with my forseer will do you some good.... YOU CANNOT MARRY THE FORSEER NO MORE MOUNTAIN- I SAID NO MORE-"

"You know what, I think you should go learn some swordsmanship and what better place than philos? NOT THE PRINCE-"

"Look at all the beautiful flowers mc- mc? Mc- A MF DRAGON?!"

"Now, you're in a simple life now, no dragons, my forseer almost killed me, the sea god is supposedly dead and the prince is on a deepspace mission from philos, no dragons or nothing in this time period- PUT THAT POOR BOY DOWN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE'S BEEN-"

Hes just a tired overprotective dad.

[arkangelo-7]

Okay, but, realistically speaking, Bruce Wayne has got to have a low alcohol tolerance. He’s a lightweight.

Like, think about it—this man rarely drinks. Most of his “drunken” shenanigans are done stone cold sober on account of the Mission, and all. If you get more than two glasses of wine in him he is fucking gone.

Which is part of what makes family dinners at the Manor so entertaining. Assuming that such events are one of the rare times Bruce truly relaxes, it’s not a stretch to think he might indulge in a glass of wine or a bourbon; and this is fine and all… until the Batkids persuade him to have another round with them or, God forbid, do a celebratory shot.

After that? Bruce is wiped.

His kids think it’s hilarious. Drunk Bruce is a trip. He’ll drop insane Dad Lore about his time in the League or a wild JL space mission or something, but then proceed to list in meticulous, clinical detail all the things that annoy him about Hal Jordan, and then all the sudden get super excited and start detailing his latest Superman Contingency Plan using the salt shakers in the dining room table. He switches moods and topics so quickly that his kids would get whiplash if they weren’t laughing their asses off.

And you know the +1, singular, solitary, time that Bruce got drunk in front of Clark will go down in history as the best day of Clark’s life. Bruce spent the entire time baring his soul, praising his children, and describing his world travels… but he also kept getting distracted by Clark’s abs and called him “sexy” no less then fourteen times. (Clark left that bar wheezing with laughter and had to disentangle himself from Bruce and force him into a taxi because Bruce kept trying to make out with him. It was fantastic.)

[demonic0angel]

Health Insurance (click for clarity)

I have a headcanon that Maddie and Jack did not have health insurance or insurance at all tbh, so Jazz really enjoyed the benefits of marriage.

So basically, in this idea, Dick and Jazz marry (bc Dick needed custody of Damian but he’s a single 20-something year old man, while Jazz was getting hounded by the Ghost Zone/her parents idk) but never fall in love. The two of them make a deal to get married and then parent Damian together, but then Dick finds out that they’re falling in love with each other’s siblings so he’s like “let’s divorce”.

It goes well and they both split things evenly or equally and it’s a very peaceful, amicable divorce.

Until they get to the custody of Damian. And then all hell breaks loose.

One of the dirtiest, most underhanded, and vicious custody wars ensue. In the end, they get split custody of Damian between Gotham and Blüdhaven. (He’s weirdly happy with it bc they fought so hard for him and they didn’t involve him at all except for courtesy questions).

Part two

Image description below:

Panel 1 has Dick’s solemn face as he’s looking away.

Dick: Jazz… we need to talk. I know that you’re in love with Jason…

Panel 2 has Dick’s side profile while we see Jazz stare at him in shock, holding a spilling teacup as she’s dripping tea.

Dick: *still looking sad* And I’m also in love with your brother Dan, so I think we should divorce.

Panel 3 is the both of them across from each other, in a very simplistic style. Jazz still looks vaguely shocked and Dick still looks sad.

Dick: I know that we both care for each other, but we’re in love with different people.

Panel 4 has Jazz finally snapping back to reality, as Dick continues talking.

Dick: It’ll be an amicable divorce, so I think that—

Panel 5 has Jazz standing up with a BAM! and knocking her teacup when she slams her hands on the table. Dick looks startled.

Dick: !

Panel 6 has a close up of Jazz’s panicked expression as she’s shouting.

Jazz: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH INSURANCE?!

Edit: I changed the pictures to add the right font and a ring on Jazz’s finger.

[rivai-hana]

LEVI : I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT 😂😂💀🗿

Eren May be rumbling but Levi is grumbling

[iamnmbr3]

I feel like when Harry and Draco finally publicly announce their relationship the whole wizarding world is shocked but everyone who was in their year at Hogwarts is like ‘yep that tracks’ and puts down their copy of the Daily Prophet with the most long suffering expression imaginable.

[silme-lorien]

when is legolas finding the time to braid his hair. like i know that shit got fucked up after every battle. imagine boromir getting increasingly annoyed at legolas for doing his hair every morning and gimli and aragorn defending him because they know the importance of hair/braids to elves

[spacebubblehomebase]

Here's a Huskerdust headcanon!

Every other pet name Angel gave Husk before is inferior to their own inside joke that is "Loser" and "Baby~!" 🥹💕 Made some Cherrisnake too! Because my new AU will be heavily focused on Chaggie + Radioapple, so we gotta show them some love before I hyperfixate on the others. Thus, this is the calm before the storm, should I say? I hope to have your support then too! ^v^

-Bubbly💙

[fattuccini-afraido]

Monoma: I'm 80% awesome, 20% water and 100% handsome.

Bakugo: That's 200%.

Monoma: I'm twice the man you'll ever be.

[cosmicstarlatte]

MC: Would any of you ever start a cult for me?

Satan: You're asking us,

Lucifer: The seven lords of hell,

Levi: If we would start a cult for you

MC:

Lucifer: Where do you think we go Tuesday nights

[olailamajnoon]

Tim: so do you have Tumblr.

Bruce: no.

Tim: get it! Please! It will be so much fun. *sees Bruce looking doubtful* Also a bonding experience 😌

Bruce: uh okay.

Bruce: *buys Tumblr*

The next day:

Bruce: Tim I have Tumblr now

Tim: that's great Bruce! So, what's your username? I can think of a few dumb ways you would try to sound smart.

Bruce:...uh

Tim: it's fine if you don't wanna tell me.

Bruce: you meant

Bruce: you meant an account

Tim:...

Tim:...yes?

Tim: Bruce.

Tim: what did you do.

Bruce: Uh nothing. I—excuse me a moment.

*Goes into next room and phones Lucius*

Bruce: Lucius. I need the purchase to be anonymous. Completely anonymous, not a word of it gets out! Especially to my family.

Lucius: uh huh...sure. Anything I can do to make you look less ridiculous.

Bruce: what are you talking about.

Lucius: never mind. As usual, I know nothing.

*Lucius keeps the phone*

Bruce: *coming out* So. Tim. Where were we.

Tim *looking up from his smartphone with a shit-eating grin on his face*: You're fucking with me. Tumblr? You thought I was telling you to buy—?

Tim starts laughing uncontrollably, literally rolling on the floor.

Tim: Bruce you complete and utter DWEEB 😭

(continues laughing)

Bruce:

Bruce: well I suppose this could be considered bonding.

[shyjusticewarrior]

Steph: Did you see the tweet that says we're leaving bisexuals and wasians in 2024?

Tim: *coughs and collapses*

Jason, collapsing next to him: I can see it...the light...

Damian: Skill issue, I will simply survive into 2025.

[wileycap]

Headcanon: When he hits his teenage years, Aang starts fucking with his friends by making up all sorts of wild stuff that totally happened 100 years ago. Toph always says "he's not lying", but at this point the Gaang knows that The Gremlin Supports Lying For Fun, so Aang always suggests going to Bumi to confirm whatever bullshit he's spewing this time. And he always does.

The Gaang figures that Aang must be somehow coordinating this with Bumi, because no matter how absurd the lie is, Bumi is always 100% on board and can elaborate on it seamlessly. They keep trying to find out how Aang and Bumi are coordinating the lies, going so far as to intercept Aang's letters to Bumi to check for secret codes, but they can never find anything.

And the truth is that they're not coordinating. Bumi just rolls with whatever Aang comes up with because it's hilarious and Aang is his buddy.

[demonic0angel]

Phantom Family (In Uniform)

My headcanons for when the Phantoms are in costume and working with other DC heroes :3 (click for clarity)

All four of them work separately, but team up whenever there is a world-ending crisis in their universe or in the DC world (where they’re currently staying). Cue shenanigans bc they’ve been gaining the trust and love of people around them who had no idea they were siblings??? (The Batfam feel a strange sense of deja vu)

More notes:

+ Danny joins the JL, Jazz joins Jason's gang as his assistant, Dani joins Young Justice, and Dan is a loner who only works with Nightwing.

+ Danny is named Phantom, Jazz is named Wolf, Dani is named Spirit, and Dan is named Wraith, named for multiple reasons.

+ In my hcs, the DP world and the DC world are separate, and the DP characters go to the DCU for various reasons. Ofc, these makes people from both worlds slightly different from one another via genetic makeup, culture, politics, etc.

+ Jazz was the first to arrive and she mainly wanted to study and practice her fields at Arkham Asylum. However, she got bored and decided to join Jason’s gang as his assistant before quickly earning his trust and then accidentally gaining more power within the gang. Dani came next and asked to join Young Justice. She was accepted and thus became friends with everyone there. Dan was next, but he thought he got the wrong universe and wasn’t able to contact anyone for awhile. He met Nightwing, and after being interested in his innate goodness, decided to stay around him and continue bothering him, eventually resulting in a genuine relationship where he strives to become better. Danny came last and asked to join the Justice League, which they allowed after awhile as he proved himself, eventually becoming one of the top hitters and most powerful members.

+ Danny’s relationship with the JL was cold at first because his arrival was unprecedented and he was considered an unknown. Eventually, they started realizing that he was chill, but it took a long time before anyone could even trust him since he wasn’t really a team player. At some point, Batman was able to get his identity out of him, and after realizing that he was genuinely young, Batman softened and everyone started trusting and befriending him slowly.

+ Jazz’s relationship with Jason was stilted at first bc Jazz was lowkey suspicious and Jason didn’t trust her. After a while, she proved herself to him and helped him a lot, so they began developing a friendship and eventually, she gained the trust and loyalty of everyone around her. She and Jason have a great but complex relationship with the only hurdle being their secret identities. Both of them have an irrational fear of rejection from the other, so they go out of their way to avoid finding each other’s identities (even if it would be really easy for both of them) which has resulted in a lot of frustration and slow burn.

+ Dani’s relationship with Young Justice started out a little awkward, but her personality and charm won them over and with her assistance towards Secret, she was able to integrate herself into the group easily. She’s considered the newest, so they kind of treat her as the baby, but after a lot of crazy adventures, they trust her with the spiritual and supernatural stuff.

+ Dan’s relationship with Nightwing started out as extremely hostile since Nightwing took no chances and almost immediately wanted to attack him. Dan had no problem with this and often provoked him, but was too powerful to be fought off, only leaving whenever he wanted, which resulted in a lot of frustration and anger. As time passed, Dan made himself into a neutral force in Bludhaven as someone who would not kill others, but would not help unless it was Nightwing asking. He wore down Nightwing enough by popping up for more fights that eventually, Nightwing just lowkey teamed up with him until he was accidentally established as his partner.

+ Danny has both his job of being hero and of being the High King of the Infinite Realms. He balances it out pretty well, since JL is also rather flexible. Jazz has both her job of being Jason’s assistant and of being a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum. She cannot sleep well so she has a bad habit of overworking herself until she drops, but Jason convinced her to sleep in his office at times. Dani has no jobs and only studies or has fun whenever she’s not out and about as a hero. Dan has a bunch of random jobs whenever he’s not flirting with Nightwing, so he can be seen as a bartender, a babysitter, an accountant, a barista, an artist, etc.

+ At some point, they all meet and everyone looks at them like 😟😦😦 bc WHO WAS GONNA TELL THEM THAT 4 PEOPLE WHO ARE STATIONED SUSPICIOUSLY NEAR THE MOST IMPORTANT PLACES WITH PEOPLE WHO CAN BE CONSIDERED EXTREMELY DANGEROUS ARE ACTUALLY SIBLINGS????