#humor headcanons

[summercreolefanfictioner]

diabolik lovers modern college au general headcanons (sakamaki brothers)

• the sakamaki bros don't live in the same house, except for the triplets bcos cordelia is the only legal wife of karl in this au (she's the first wife after all)

• shuu lives in one of beatrix's old condo unit while reiji in one of karl's mini house (yeah he has that house all by himself bcos kaaaaarl)

• subaru lives in the university dorm bcos he doesn't like relying on karl (well except for christa's meds bcos she went insane and all that sht so karl might as well pay for that)

• despite going to the same university, the six of them don't cross paths often (except for the triplets and subaru bcos they like to rile him up and tease him endlessly like a torture)

• since this is modern college au, all characters are aged up (shuu is 22, reiji is 21, the triplets are 20, and subaru is 19)

• despite being the oldest, shuu is stuck in his second year bcos he kept repeating most of his law electives (he would rather slack off than pass his law course wtf and it usually takes around 4-5 yrs to finish)

• all bros were mandated by karl to take at least one business elective per year bcos they might be working under his corporation in the near future (ayato's major is business so he has no escape)

• reiji is an exception to this rule bcos he had been granted by karl to focus only on neurosurgery since "he's the only son who doesn't disrespect me" (tbh it was only a ruse by karl since he has no reasons to make reiji his heir despite him being a genius 💀💀💀)

• ayato is so famous in the university like his red hair stands out and his status as the university's most popular basketball player made him the school IT boy

• but bcos he's a varsity player, he's not often at school so he had to take weekend classes (this is also another reason why most of his exes are either girls who watched his game or they're students from other univ or college)

• his famous relationship tho was with a rich girl who's also the main dancer of a popular cheerleading squad from a rival school (ayato broke up with her due to the immense pressure of social media and her fans)

• ayato is also the eternal chauffer of his two bros like hello let him flaunt that red sports car baby (laito and kanato have their own cars; they just don't like driving that much)

• kanato studies forensic mortuary in the same bldg as ayato and reiji; the law bldg is a separate institution from them so they have no idea what shuu was doing

• except for kanato bcos he likes lounging in the music room singing scarborough fair and bcos his voice is so relaxing, shuu listens to it for free (kanato secretly hates that shuu does it tho bcos it reminds him too much of cordelia and her shtty ways of traumatizing him)

• laito is studying hotel and restaurant management on another bldg and it's the farthest one from all his bros (like you have to pass by 4 or 5 larger bldgs before you reach their institution)

• this is bcos ryoutei university has their own dedicated hotel and restaurant for students with courses related to said industry

• so yeah maya (aka my oc/kanato's s/o) sees laito more often than her own boyfriend in the campus

• laito always has exes in every course like there would be 3 or 4 girls under the same course that have already slept with him what a slut

• and yes there is a huge possibility laito, subaru, and shuu have dated the same girl bcos these three would only date the same type of girl (the pure looking one who secretly has lewd desires and digs bad boys like them)

• it was a shock for yui when she found out half of the girls from her class have slept with laito

• then laito told her he likes corrupting pure girls and toying with their minds until they become insane and dependent on him (sounds canon, no?)

• there was a time when laito dated one of kanato's professors and she ended up dealing with kanato's incessant and murderous glares every time she teaches their class. his reason? bcos "she reeks so much of that perverted laito"

• the sbros actually had this same english prof who randomly fails someone despite their intelligence bcos he likes exerting his power like that

• while some of them threaten him using the sakamaki name, kanato had to disguise as a girl and seduce the sht out of this perverted teacher (the old geezer was so hooked he just believed this girl was kanato's twin substituting for his bro bcos he was 'sick')

• speaking of which, subaru got attracted to kanato's alter ego like once upon a time he saw her daintly pick up her bag and tuck her hair behind her ear and boom heart arrows everywhere

• afterward, subaru asked kanato who was that one chick at his class with the long black hair dressing like a sexy lolita

• "oh, you mean me?"

• subaru had nightmares after that

• and yes kanato uses that info to blackmail him to do his bidding

• "if you don't do what I say, I'll tell everyone you fell in love with my alter ego"

• oh btw subaru's major is more on athletics? like he wanted to be a PE or sports instructor/coach in the future bcos accdg to him "fighting is the only thing I'm good at"

• his allowance is mostly spent on repairs on the dorm tho (guess punching walls ain't limited in the family house)

• the reality of his dream is beginning to weigh on him tho bcos some students are scared shtless of him and his violent tendencies

• laito became one of his students one time when he was assigned to be an assistant coach

• "waaahh subaru-kun your expression is so scary pls be gentle"

• reiji actually dated someone from ayato's class bcos her father has huge connections with famous neurosurgeons

• shuu keeps a video of one of his exes doing some cowgirl sht on him (he likes her moans that's why)

• all of kanato's exes studied in the same bldg as him; and yes, they are all from yui's course but each of them from different years and classes (he is picky like that)

• up to this day, reiji looks down on this one female classmate who dated shuu like what does she see in that good-for-nothing (well uhh his huge d-)

• accdg to both kanato and laito, yui is the loudest girl ayato has been with (kanato swore one day he'll stuff her mouth with socks until she chokes if she keeps moaning so loud while he's watching his fave murder docu series)

• ayato keeps teasing both reiji and subaru as virgins (they aren't tho; but despite their tough facade, their experiences are quite hmmm minimal so there are things they don't know)

• shuu almost dated this one classmate of kanato (almost bcos she keeps talking abt those dead people she handled with formaldehyde which is gross so he was turned off a bit)

• the triplets are usually the representatives of karl during his corporate and family parties (sometimes the other three will drop by... well mostly reiji but the other two must've been forced by karl somehow)

• there was a drunk scandal video of the triplets and subaru where subaru was driving while kanato and ayato kept making fun of him

• then kanato was video calling maya and asking her to come over and "watch a movie with him" while ayato was making delusions of aliens flying around the car, almost causing subaru to drive the wrong way

• laito was sitting beside subaru, reprimanding ayato to stop his delusions bcos there were no aliens but only flying trees (ayo what?)

• there's a part 2 but this time shuu and reiji were in the car and shuu kept laughing at ayato bcos subaru's driving is getting messed up bcos of the alien shenanigans

• and reiji was crying bcos apparently all of them are going to die and also bcos kanato is finally talking "properly" to a girl (what do you mean properly he is being a pervert)

• he also said "laito has finally seen the light and started being the good son"

• yui is actually the one filming all this videos tho

ps. I might make memes abt modern college au later on

[shyjusticewarrior]

[welovelouisandbucky]

You don't say it back

Summary: you prank your boyfriend by not saying "I love you" back, while he's getting late for quidditch practice.

Warnings: Fluff. Kissing (insert scandalised face) Few suggestive moments? Out of character stuff mayne? Seriously, none on this one, lol. Well, of course my writing, as usual. Not proof read.

S/n: positive criticism is appreciated as always. As well as any form of feedbacks, likes, comments or rebloggs. And be kind you guys, this is a safe place for everyone. Enjoy!!

Masterlist

Mattheo Riddle (with Hufflepuff!reader)

It was stupid and ridiculous.

You were just curious of his reaction, that is all.

You heard your friends' talking about doing this to their boyfriends for shits and giggles. At first, you hated the idea of tormenting your significant other for fun, then curiosity consumed your mind for weeks.

Now it seemed like a fun idea to prank your boyfriend, Mattheo Riddle.

You thought it was a perfect way to get back at your boyfriend for teasing you last week in The Great Hall. In your mind it was the perfect revenge.

So you made up your mind to put it into action as soon as you had the chance. Which was now, at his dorm room while he was about to leave for Quidditch practice with Theo.

You were excited as well as anxious for his reaction. Anticipation has been eating away your brain for days now and you were finally going to do it.

Mattheo came up to you and kissed your forehead as you remained sitted on his bed, with your books all splattered around before you.

"gimme a kiss, will you?" He grinned down at you, ignoring annoyed and impatient Theo by the door, who was urging him to hurry up as they were already late.

Smiling, you complied to his wish and kissed him. Without meaning to, you deepen the kiss, clinging onto him as if he's your life support, suddenly not feeling ready to send him off just yet. He seems to think the same way as he holds onto you tighter, kissing you more intensely, cupping your face with his one hand as the other roams down. You almost moan into his mouth when you hear someone gag.

"oi! Stop snogging her and hurry up!" Theo called, tapping his foot impatiently. Matthew rolled his eyes and winked at you before stepping back.

"'ight, love. We'll finish this later, yeah?" Mattheo smirked when you blushed under his gaze. He loves how's you blush at his every word, one of the reasons why he teases you a lot.

"Love you!" He said as he was about to leave with Theo. You just smiled and waved at the both of them. Physically restraining yourself from saying it back, you almost did, but you are glad you didn't as he stopped abruptly.

He looks back at you, expectedly.

You all but smiled up at him innocently. Your eyes never once betraying the guilt you are feeling inside, you just now realised how bad of a timing this is to do this prank, when he's clearly beyond late for his practice. Though, it's too late to go back now.

He clears his throat.

"uh, love? Aren't ya forgetting something?" He asks, his one brow raised in accusing manner. Mattheo steps inside the room again, completely ignoring the loud groan of his best mate ( who looks ready to hit Mattheo with his broomstick any second now ).

You don't reply, just look in his way with furrowed brows, feigning false confusion, which you can tell Mattheo saw right through.

"don't think so, no," you say. You pretend to think over it for couple of minutes before shrugging your head no. Mattheo huffs and rolls his eyes at you. Almost annoyed with you, as you're purposefully making him even more late to his practice.

"c'mon now, princess. Don't play stupid with me," he says impatiently. Not wanting make his team wait any longer on his account, just wanting to get over with that thing as soon as possible so he can come back and spend time with you again. But he can't do that unless he leaves and he's not leaving until you say "I love you" back, but judging by the look on your face, he knows he's not leaving any time soon.

"oh yeaahhhh, sorry, baby!" You giggle. And he smiles, thinking you finally got what he was saying.

"I forgot to wish you luck! Well, good luck with your practice, and have fun!" You tell him affectionately, your voice sugary sweet. You waved him bye again and blowed him a kiss.

Mattheo's hopeful expression falls, so does your heart.

"Y/n," he says, there's an edge to his voice, as well as a slight hint of hurt. Your heart breaks a little inside, regretting your stupid prank now as you look at him. He's standing in middle of the room, in his quidditch robes with his broomstick clutched tightly, his puppy brown eyes looking alarmingly sad.

You know how hard it was for him to express his feelings openly, it is still a struggle for him to express his emotions sometimes, you help him best as you can. And you're really proud of him, for how far along he had come since when you first met him. You curse at yourself mentally, just realising how stupid of an idea this was to began with.

"oh Mattheo," you softly say and go over to him. Wrapping your arms around him and he instantly holds you closer to him, you kiss him tenderly all over his face. "I'm so, so sorry, baby. I thought—i well, doesn't matter now. It was stupid anyways, I'm sorry. I love you." You say against his skin, feeling him tightening his hold, nudging his face deeper into your hair. You heard him sigh of relief, and relax into him.

"sorry, Mattheo. Please forgive me?" You ask, pulling back just a little to look at his face. He gives you one of his smiles which tells you're forgiven, you almost melt into a puddle at that.

"don't. ever. do that again, yeah?" He mumbles before kissing you. He doesn't have to tell you that anyway, since you're never attempting something like this ever again.

He leaves ghostly kisses against your skin, traveling from your lips to sensitive skin under your ear. His hand sliding down to your back, as you lock your arms around his neck.

"don't think you can get away with this so easily, love. We'll see about that forgiveness once I'm back from practice." He whispers darkly, and with one firm pat to your bum, he begins to leave once Theo clears his throat. Making his presence known, which you seemed to forget about completely.

"love you," he smirks your way before leaving with Theo, who looks as if he wants to dig himself into hole and never comeback, ever again.

You try to reply, but no words come out. Suddenly breathless.

You watch him leave with newfound excitement and anticipation burning through your body.

Maybe you're not forgiven afterall.

(divider credits to the rightful owner @rypnami 🙏🏼)

A/n: annnnnnddddd I'm back!!!!! So sorry for disappearing again😭 I have some ideas that I'm currently working on, so hopefully I'll be able to post more content soon!! Yay!

And don't forget to comment or reblog.

Hope you enjoyed reading. Have a nice day!!!

Requests are open.

[demonic0angel]

Health Insurance (click for clarity)

I have a headcanon that Maddie and Jack did not have health insurance or insurance at all tbh, so Jazz really enjoyed the benefits of marriage.

So basically, in this idea, Dick and Jazz marry (bc Dick needed custody of Damian but he’s a single 20-something year old man, while Jazz was getting hounded by the Ghost Zone/her parents idk) but never fall in love. The two of them make a deal to get married and then parent Damian together, but then Dick finds out that they’re falling in love with each other’s siblings so he’s like “let’s divorce”.

It goes well and they both split things evenly or equally and it’s a very peaceful, amicable divorce.

Until they get to the custody of Damian. And then all hell breaks loose.

One of the dirtiest, most underhanded, and vicious custody wars ensue. In the end, they get split custody of Damian between Gotham and Blüdhaven. (He’s weirdly happy with it bc they fought so hard for him and they didn’t involve him at all except for courtesy questions).

Part two

Image description below:

Panel 1 has Dick’s solemn face as he’s looking away.

Dick: Jazz… we need to talk. I know that you’re in love with Jason…

Panel 2 has Dick’s side profile while we see Jazz stare at him in shock, holding a spilling teacup as she’s dripping tea.

Dick: *still looking sad* And I’m also in love with your brother Dan, so I think we should divorce.

Panel 3 is the both of them across from each other, in a very simplistic style. Jazz still looks vaguely shocked and Dick still looks sad.

Dick: I know that we both care for each other, but we’re in love with different people.

Panel 4 has Jazz finally snapping back to reality, as Dick continues talking.

Dick: It’ll be an amicable divorce, so I think that—

Panel 5 has Jazz standing up with a BAM! and knocking her teacup when she slams her hands on the table. Dick looks startled.

Dick: !

Panel 6 has a close up of Jazz’s panicked expression as she’s shouting.

Jazz: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH INSURANCE?!

Edit: I changed the pictures to add the right font and a ring on Jazz’s finger.

[spacebubblehomebase]

Here's a Huskerdust headcanon!

Every other pet name Angel gave Husk before is inferior to their own inside joke that is "Loser" and "Baby~!" 🥹💕 Made some Cherrisnake too! Because my new AU will be heavily focused on Chaggie + Radioapple, so we gotta show them some love before I hyperfixate on the others. Thus, this is the calm before the storm, should I say? I hope to have your support then too! ^v^

-Bubbly💙

[rivai-hana]

LEVI : I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT 😂😂💀

Eren May be rumbling but Levi is grumbling

[cosmicstarlatte]

MC: Would any of you ever start a cult for me?

Satan: You're asking us,

Lucifer: The seven lords of hell,

Levi: If we would start a cult for you

MC:

Lucifer: Where do you think we go Tuesday nights

[wileycap]

Headcanon: When he hits his teenage years, Aang starts fucking with his friends by making up all sorts of wild stuff that totally happened 100 years ago. Toph always says "he's not lying", but at this point the Gaang knows that The Gremlin Supports Lying For Fun, so Aang always suggests going to Bumi to confirm whatever bullshit he's spewing this time. And he always does.

The Gaang figures that Aang must be somehow coordinating this with Bumi, because no matter how absurd the lie is, Bumi is always 100% on board and can elaborate on it seamlessly. They keep trying to find out how Aang and Bumi are coordinating the lies, going so far as to intercept Aang's letters to Bumi to check for secret codes, but they can never find anything.

And the truth is that they're not coordinating. Bumi just rolls with whatever Aang comes up with because it's hilarious and Aang is his buddy.

[mysticdragon3md3]

[lenny-link]

Soldier cant spell

[strawlessandbraless]

Angels: Brother, you have been chosen for this mission to save the righteous man from hell. But Castiel, hear me well. Do not covet the Michael Sword, big plans for that sword

*2 minutes later*

Castiel: I will lay claim to this living soul, rebuild him, mark him as my own, and carve my name into his ribs, gonna stare at him a lot, so much, gonna kiss him

[iamnmbr3]

Things Draco Malfoy has Done in the Muggle World During His Postwar Probation

Attempted to order from a menu by speaking to it

Almost breached the Statute of Secrecy due to mistaking someone using clap-on-clap-off lights for a muggleborn using wandless magic

Got into a heated argument with the actors in a commercial because he thought the people in the tv were talking to him

Refused to walk in front of a car for fear of bumping into the invisible animals that obviously pull it

Panicked and responded "I have no idea what you're talking about" when asked what the "magic word" is

Complained that his telephone is broken because it periodically emits a loud ringing sound for no apparent reason

Run into Harry Potter unexpectedly in a pub, dropped everything he was holding, and automatically caught it with wandless magic without thinking, thus breaching the Statute of Secrecy in front of 47 muggles and the most famous Auror in Britain

Run into Harry Potter again in the same pub, thanked him for getting him out of those misuse of magic charges and apologized (again) for all of the more unpleasant bits of their history

Accidentally on purpose run into Harry Potter yet again in the same pub to find out why he comes to muggle London so often and how he's doing and to let him know that he's not remotely interested in whether the rumors in the Daily Prophet that he's split up with Ginny Weasley are true (they are)

Met Harry Potter in a pub for drinks to chat about old times except not the sad bits at least until they've had a few

Taken his muggle friends out to a pub that he definitely chose at random but which coincidentally Harry Potter also happens to be walking into so they might as well all sit down together

Had to admit that he may have mentioned him a few times when Harry is shocked to discover that all of Draco's muggle friends seemingly know his name despite the fact that he isn't famous in the muggle world

Met Harry and Harry's friends for drinks and somehow actually had a good time and not been vengefully poisoned by Ron Weasley or cursed by Hermione Granger or stabbed by Neville Longbottom or anything else dreadful

Had to explain to several bemused people that when Luna Lovegood says that they used to live together she doesn't mean they were involved romantically

Invited Harry Potter back to his flat and proudly shown him that he now knows how to make a telephone stop ringing (you just lift it up for a moment and then slam it back down and that fixes it) and then told him off for laughing

Visited Harry Potter at his flat, also in muggle London though protected by the Fidelius Charm for extra privacy, met a very small and excitable owl and had a protracted but good natured argument about which of them was actually better at Quidditch (because obviously if Draco had had a Firebolt he would have won every match)

Got his wand back and immediately transfigured everything in his flat just because he can and because it feels so good to use magic again and then cast Rictusempra on Harry because clearly Draco is the superior dueler and also because he likes the sound of Harry's laugh

Kissed Harry Potter.

[shyjusticewarrior]

Damian: What is gay privilege?

Kate: Better sex.

Steph: No accidental kids.

Tim: Date someone your size and double your wardrobe.

Barbara: Being able to listen to really good music together cause of automatic good taste.

Jason: Not being straight.

[another-lost-mc]

When They Say "F*ck Lucifer" (& Think MC Takes It Literally) Headcanons | THE DEMON BROTHERS 2.6k words | NSFW | gn!Reader | Crack Treated Seriously Content warnings: Cursing, implied relationships, pet names, jealous/possessive behaviour, misunderstandings and poor communication, demon form mentioned (Satan), suggestive content.

BELPHEGOR

"Belphie, it's time for dinner!" Lucifer sent you to find him, and when he wasn't napping in your bed, you knew where to check next.

He mumbles something into his pillow and you can't make out the words, but you know he's listening. "It's the third night this week you've skipped eating dinner with the family. Come on, you know how Lucifer is."

Belphie turns his head towards you enough so that you can hear him more clearly. "Oh, fuck Lucifer." He rolls over and starts snoring again, and you stomp back down the attic stairs in frustration.

When you join the others for dinner, you jab your fork into your food with more force than necessary. You're halfway done your meal when Belphie suddenly plops down into the empty chair beside yours. He reaches for your free hand and leans against your shoulder.

"Belphie?" you ask him curiously, but he says nothing. He doesn't eat anything either. He tries to cuddle even closer to you instead, and he shoots glares at his older brother sitting at the head of the table.

It takes you longer to eat than normal with one of your hands firmly tucked in Belphie's grip. As soon as you finish your dinner, he pulls you away from the table and back up to the attic. He curls around you for the rest of the night like he's afraid you might disappear if he doesn't.

He doesn't skip any more meals for the rest of the week.

BEELZEBUB

You have one hand stretched out in front of you, pressed firmly against Beel's chest. The other is holding a container of sweets behind your back.

"No, you can't have these," you remind Beel for the hundredth time. "They're for tomorrow, remember?"

But Beel's only half-paying attention to you. His focus is latched onto the container in your hand, and if he wasn't worried about hurting you by accident, he'd simply take it from you.

"It's not fair," his low voice rumbles thickly, and there's drool leaking from the corner of his mouth now. "I'm starving!"

You shake your head and look around for something else to tempt Beel with instead. "Lucifer bought these for Diavolo, and we're taking them to the tea party tomorrow."

"Fuck Lucifer," Beel growls, and it's the loudest and angriest he's sounded yet. You both look startled by the outburst; your hand slips away from holding him back, and his jaw drops open when he realizes what he said to you.

You hold the container tightly against your chest. He could easily take it from you now, but he surprises you when he doesn't. His eyes are fixed solely on your face, as if the thing he wanted moments ago is completely irrelevant. He holds his arms out like he's trying to block you from leaving the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I'll look for something else to eat, but please, don't go."

ASMODEUS

"Are you sure you should post that?" you ask, glancing over Asmo's shoulder as he types another inflammatory reply on Devilgram.

"Of course!" he exclaims. "You read their comment. ‘Pretentious and gaudy?’ MY clothing line?! No, I won’t stand for it.”

He’s typing quickly and you’re not exactly sure what his Devildom insult is supposed to mean, but you imagine it’s not very nice by the way Asmo cackles when he hits Send.

“I don’t want to be that person,” you start nervously while Asmo scrolls through the other comments on his post, “but maybe you should ignore them? All this back and forth is drawing a lot of negative attention to your Devilgram feed.”

Asmo pauses what he's doing and looks at you suspiciously. “Who told you that?”

You bite your lip and look away. “Lucifer asked me to talk to you about it.” When Asmo rolls his eyes, you throw your hands up. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it? Aren’t you worried this little spat might impact your new launch?”

Asmo jabs his D.D.D. in your direction. “He’s only worried about drama if it involves someone close to Diavolo.” He runs his hand through his hair and looks down at his phone screen again. “Fuck him. If Lucifer cares that much, he can come talk to me himself.”

“Ugh!” You stand up with a huff and head towards the door. You tried to talk to him and it’s obvious he’s not going to listen. You hope Lucifer believes you later when you tell him you tried to get Asmo to see reason.

When you reach for the door handle, you’re surprised when Asmo suddenly blocks your way. Sometimes you forget how fast demons can move.

“I didn’t mean that,” he says seriously. His housecoat falls open slightly when he leans towards you, and his expression isn't angry but dead-serious.

“Didn’t mean what?” you ask confusedly.

“Fucking my brother. Don’t do it.” His hands grasp your shoulders and you can’t help but laugh.

“I wasn’t going to? I was going to go back to my room while you carry on with your…” you trail off, gesturing to his abandoned D.D.D. on the bed, “…little feud.”

He steers you back towards his bed. “If you want to relax, then I insist you stay here instead. My room is much more comfortable than yours. Besides, I just thought of something you can help me with.”

You sit on the edge of the bed and smile up at him. “Like apologizing to that poor demon lord you keep picking fights with?”

Asmo winks at you with a hint of a smirk, and he tugs at the belt holding his housecoat closed. “Maybe we can do that after.”

SATAN

Satan walks around the narrow pathways in his room, avoiding the fragile stacks of books that litter his floor. You sit on his bed and watch him anxiously, giving him the patience and time he needs to tell you what's bothering him. You're careful to give him space when he's in one of these moods; it was one of the stipulations you agreed to before he let you inside earlier.

"So, you were in the garden earlier with some of the stray cats, and Lucifer did...what, exactly?" You've been trying to piece together what happened between Satan and his brother earlier, but it's hard to make sense of his grumbled and disjointed complaints.

"He scared them away," Satan bites out angrily. "I wasn't even feeding them treats. I sprinkled some catnip for them. What's the problem with that?"

You know Lucifer complains about the stray cats that flock to the House of Lamentation if Satan feeds them when he's not supposed to. You know that Lucifer isn't a fan of cats in general. But, you also know that Lucifer wouldn't purposefully hurt any of the cats that make their way into the garden, and he's not usually this petty.

"Is it possible he thought you were feeding them? I don't think he would make such a big fuss if he knew you were only giving them catnip." Satan glances at you and you can tell he's not convinced by your explanation. "What if I go with you to talk to him?"

"Fuck him," Satan snarls as he keeps pacing in front of you, fists clenching open and closed at his sides.

Sigh. Maybe you can talk to Lucifer on your own. Things have been peaceful between them lately, and this is such a silly thing for them to be at odds over.

Satan watches you stand up from his bed with a defeated sigh. When you try to shuffle past him, he wraps his arms around you from behind and pulls you against his chest. There's a wave of warm energy around you, and you feel the familiar feathers of his true form against your back.

"You're not going to leave me to see him, are you?" his rough voice grates against your neck. "You should stay here."

"Tomorrow we're going to sort this out together," you tell him when you meet his gaze over your shoulder.

His hands on your hips tighten. "Fine. But tonight, you're mine."

LEVIATHAN

"I think there's something wrong with your Akuzon account."

Levi asked you to pre-order the Dogi Maji anniversary bundle on his tablet, but the Submit Order button is greyed out every time you try to purchase it for him.

"Huh?" Levi spins around at his desk. He was doing some dungeons with his guild and you've been waiting for him to finish so you could watch anime together.

You tap the screen a few more times and shrug. "I don't know, it won't let me order anything."

Levi opens the Akuzon site on his second monitor and he sputters when he realizes what the problem is. "Lucifer put parental controls on the account again! Why would he do that?"

Of course. You knew Lucifer was upset at Levi for what happened earlier this week, and somehow his threat of punishment completely slipped your mind. "Well, you did summon Lotan on the RAD campus again..." you offer hesitantly.

"That wasn't my fault!" Levi argues loudly. He wilts a bit under your skeptical stare. "Okay, it wasn't completely my fault. Mammon took my rare Ruri-chan capsule figurine and wouldn't give it back."

You rub the back of your neck. You want to be sympathetic, you really do, but you can't necessarily blame Lucifer for his reaction either - an entire floor of the building was unusable due to the flooding.

"You know how Lucifer is, he'll change it back in a few days and we can order the game then."

"But what if it sells out before then?!" he shouts in frustration. "Fuck Lucifer!"

Levi rarely raises his voice like this to you, and he deflates immediately after his little outburst. "Wait–wait–wait!" he stammers quickly, launching himself out of his computer chair and into the empty seat beside you on the sofa. He holds your hands in his and squeezes so tightly that you wince. "I didn't mean that," he says imploringly, and his eyes dart around your face like he's nervous you don't believe him.

You mistakenly assume he's trying to apologize for getting so angry, and you pull him into a hug. "I know," and he nods against your shoulder. "What if I go to Purgatory Hall and order the game using Solomon's account instead?"

Levi sniffles and practically drags you into his lap. "Maybe later," he mumbles against your chest, the game temporarily shoved aside so he can keep you to himself instead. "What do you want to watch first?"

MAMMON

You flick on the light switch in Mammon's room and glare at him in annoyance. You warned him last night not to stay too late at the casino, and here he is, sleeping well past his alarm. At some point he chucked his D.D.D. across the room and promptly went back to sleep.

Great, now you're both going to be late, but for some reason, Lucifer seems to think herding Mammon to class is your responsibility. Lover's perks, you guess sarcastically as you stomp over to where the Avatar of Greed is snoring under a pile of blankets. One of his feet is dangling over the edge of the bed, and if you had more time, maybe slow, torturous tickles would teach him a lesson. For now, you grab the edge of his blankets and rip them off him in one smooth motion.

His eyes are still closed while his hands search blindly for the blankets that are on the floor by your feet. He's only in his boxers so the sudden gust of cool air against his skin makes him shudder. You feel a bit of petty satisfaction as you kick the blankets away for good measure.

"'m tired, goin' back to sleep, babe," he mumbles sleepily.

Well, at least he knows it's you, even if he is half-asleep.

"We're going to be so late for class, and Lucifer's going to kill me. Or you. Or both of us!" You wonder why Lucifer would send you to wake up Mammon, when his own threats of dangling him from the ceiling would probably be more effective. You guess waking Mammon up is meant to be your punishment for choosing to be with him of all demons in the first place.

Mammon groans and rolls over so you can't see him, but you can tell he's half-buried in his pillow when he grumbles, "Fuck 'em."

You throw up your hands and spin on your heel. "Fine, be that way," you snap. Your mood's already sour, and Lucifer's pestering and Mammon being himself isn't helping.

You should have enough time to grab something to eat and make it to class on time if you leave now. What you don't expect is for Mammon to not only get out of bed, but to somehow make it to the doorway before you do.

Damn, he's fast.

He's panting heavily and his eyes are clear now, his razor-sharp focus trained on you. You bump into his bare chest because you don't expect him to block your path. You open your mouth to ask what he's doing, but he leans forward and gives you a sloppy kiss instead. There's something almost desperate in the way his hands cradle your jaw and he drags his lips away from your mouth and dusts your cheeks and brow with feathery-soft kisses too.

"'m sorry," he mumbles, pulling you against him in a tight hug, "Wait for me while I get ready, yeah? Just, don’t–don’t leave. I’ll make it up to ya later, promise.”

LUCIFER

Lucifer pauses outside your bedroom door when he realizes you're speaking to someone on the phone. His brothers are all studying in their rooms - or they should be, same as you. He wonders who could possibly be so interesting that you're ignoring your studies to talk to them instead.

He assumes it's Solomon or Simeon, and he can't decide which of those two options is worse. Not that he cares, of course.

Even through the door, he can hear you clearly. He feels the slightest sense of guilt when he recognizes the tired, sad tone in your voice. Some of his brothers failed the last set of exams, and perhaps he was too strict with you considering your own scores were satisfactory - excellent even, in some classes. He knows that you've been ignoring your extracurriculars and hobbies to focus on studying so you don't disappoint him like his siblings do.

He catches the tail-end of your conversation and decides it's definitely Solomon on the other line if you're being invited to human world outings.

"...yeah, I heard that movie is in theatres now too. I think it looks good, but I'm too busy with–look, maybe once exams are over we can go see it, okay? I think Satan might like to see it too...uh huh...alright, you too. G'night."

Silence follows, and before Lucifer can knock on your door, he hears you sigh and mutter quietly, "Ugh, these stupid exams. Fuck Lucifer."

Well, there's a thought, isn't it? He was going to offer to take you to Madam Scream's to pick up some of those cupcakes you like. He considers it for only a split second and decides he likes your idea even more. His lips curl into a feral smirk, and he knocks once before letting himself inside.

"Huh? Oh, hi, Lucifer. I'm just going to..." but your voice tapers off. Whatever you were going to say dies in your throat when he leans against your door and slides the lock into place.

"I missed you," he murmurs, a surprisingly honest (and to you, completely random) confession that causes your cheeks to darken slightly. You swallow thickly and stare when he brings his hand to his mouth and pulls his glove off with his fucking teeth. "I think you deserve a little reward for all your hard work, hm?"

[obeymefictionwriting]

Texts from Brothers and Dateables Part 10

Your favorite texts from brothers ARE BACK BABY!!

Lucifer: Do you happen to know the origin of the Devilish Black Coffee stain on my favorite shirt? Also, you looked lovely today :*

Mammon: Hey, I'll be out of Devildom for a while - pls don't tell Lucifer, okay??

Leviathan: I did one push-up. Can this day get any worse?

Satan: I heard Mammon storming out of the House of Lamentation. Do you know where this moron is heading? Also, I need to know how exactly he pissed Lucifer off. I'm going to elevate his method.

Asmodeus: Hellish Beige or Sinful Indigo???

Beelzebub: Um I think Levi doesn't feel very good. I'll check on him later. Pls come with me, I'll bring snacks.

Belphegor: Ayo, you like bondage?

Diabolo: Today I saw a balloon. HOWS YOUR DAY??

Barbatos: I've bought a new bed. It should suit your acrobatic needs better ;)

Simeon: I'll take Lucifer out for shopping. Please keep Luke company. Love you!

Solomon: I'm bored. Let's turn Mammon into a talking dog.

Luke: Please promise we'll watch Flamed 2 movie again!!

[cosmicstarlatte]

pt.2

Lucifer: 'Demon of the Week' board? Seriously? I refuse to-

MC: Mammon already has two gold stars on the board.

Lucifer:

Lucifer: You know, I haven't scolded anyone today now that I think about it.

Lucifer: Surely...that warrants some sort of...adhesive of the star shaped variety?

MC (putting a star): Wow that is good coming from you. Good job Luci! ♡

Lucifer: (accidently purrs)

Lucifer: Ahem! Thank you.