#humor headcanons

[summercreolefanfictioner]

diabolik lovers modern college au general headcanons (sakamaki brothers)

• the sakamaki bros don't live in the same house, except for the triplets bcos cordelia is the only legal wife of karl in this au (she's the first wife after all)

• shuu lives in one of beatrix's old condo unit while reiji in one of karl's mini house (yeah he has that house all by himself bcos kaaaaarl)

• subaru lives in the university dorm bcos he doesn't like relying on karl (well except for christa's meds bcos she went insane and all that sht so karl might as well pay for that)

• despite going to the same university, the six of them don't cross paths often (except for the triplets and subaru bcos they like to rile him up and tease him endlessly like a torture)

• since this is modern college au, all characters are aged up (shuu is 22, reiji is 21, the triplets are 20, and subaru is 19)

• despite being the oldest, shuu is stuck in his second year bcos he kept repeating most of his law electives (he would rather slack off than pass his law course wtf and it usually takes around 4-5 yrs to finish)

• all bros were mandated by karl to take at least one business elective per year bcos they might be working under his corporation in the near future (ayato's major is business so he has no escape)

• reiji is an exception to this rule bcos he had been granted by karl to focus only on neurosurgery since "he's the only son who doesn't disrespect me" (tbh it was only a ruse by karl since he has no reasons to make reiji his heir despite him being a genius 💀💀💀)

• ayato is so famous in the university like his red hair stands out and his status as the university's most popular basketball player made him the school IT boy

• but bcos he's a varsity player, he's not often at school so he had to take weekend classes (this is also another reason why most of his exes are either girls who watched his game or they're students from other univ or college)

• his famous relationship tho was with a rich girl who's also the main dancer of a popular cheerleading squad from a rival school (ayato broke up with her due to the immense pressure of social media and her fans)

• ayato is also the eternal chauffer of his two bros like hello let him flaunt that red sports car baby (laito and kanato have their own cars; they just don't like driving that much)

• kanato studies forensic mortuary in the same bldg as ayato and reiji; the law bldg is a separate institution from them so they have no idea what shuu was doing

• except for kanato bcos he likes lounging in the music room singing scarborough fair and bcos his voice is so relaxing, shuu listens to it for free (kanato secretly hates that shuu does it tho bcos it reminds him too much of cordelia and her shtty ways of traumatizing him)

• laito is studying hotel and restaurant management on another bldg and it's the farthest one from all his bros (like you have to pass by 4 or 5 larger bldgs before you reach their institution)

• this is bcos ryoutei university has their own dedicated hotel and restaurant for students with courses related to said industry

• so yeah maya (aka my oc/kanato's s/o) sees laito more often than her own boyfriend in the campus

• laito always has exes in every course like there would be 3 or 4 girls under the same course that have already slept with him what a slut

• and yes there is a huge possibility laito, subaru, and shuu have dated the same girl bcos these three would only date the same type of girl (the pure looking one who secretly has lewd desires and digs bad boys like them)

• it was a shock for yui when she found out half of the girls from her class have slept with laito

• then laito told her he likes corrupting pure girls and toying with their minds until they become insane and dependent on him (sounds canon, no?)

• there was a time when laito dated one of kanato's professors and she ended up dealing with kanato's incessant and murderous glares every time she teaches their class. his reason? bcos "she reeks so much of that perverted laito"

• the sbros actually had this same english prof who randomly fails someone despite their intelligence bcos he likes exerting his power like that

• while some of them threaten him using the sakamaki name, kanato had to disguise as a girl and seduce the sht out of this perverted teacher (the old geezer was so hooked he just believed this girl was kanato's twin substituting for his bro bcos he was 'sick')

• speaking of which, subaru got attracted to kanato's alter ego like once upon a time he saw her daintly pick up her bag and tuck her hair behind her ear and boom heart arrows everywhere

• afterward, subaru asked kanato who was that one chick at his class with the long black hair dressing like a sexy lolita

• "oh, you mean me?"

• subaru had nightmares after that

• and yes kanato uses that info to blackmail him to do his bidding

• "if you don't do what I say, I'll tell everyone you fell in love with my alter ego"

• oh btw subaru's major is more on athletics? like he wanted to be a PE or sports instructor/coach in the future bcos accdg to him "fighting is the only thing I'm good at"

• his allowance is mostly spent on repairs on the dorm tho (guess punching walls ain't limited in the family house)

• the reality of his dream is beginning to weigh on him tho bcos some students are scared shtless of him and his violent tendencies

• laito became one of his students one time when he was assigned to be an assistant coach

• "waaahh subaru-kun your expression is so scary pls be gentle"

• reiji actually dated someone from ayato's class bcos her father has huge connections with famous neurosurgeons

• shuu keeps a video of one of his exes doing some cowgirl sht on him (he likes her moans that's why)

• all of kanato's exes studied in the same bldg as him; and yes, they are all from yui's course but each of them from different years and classes (he is picky like that)

• up to this day, reiji looks down on this one female classmate who dated shuu like what does she see in that good-for-nothing (well uhh his huge d-)

• accdg to both kanato and laito, yui is the loudest girl ayato has been with (kanato swore one day he'll stuff her mouth with socks until she chokes if she keeps moaning so loud while he's watching his fave murder docu series)

• ayato keeps teasing both reiji and subaru as virgins (they aren't tho; but despite their tough facade, their experiences are quite hmmm minimal so there are things they don't know)

• shuu almost dated this one classmate of kanato (almost bcos she keeps talking abt those dead people she handled with formaldehyde which is gross so he was turned off a bit)

• the triplets are usually the representatives of karl during his corporate and family parties (sometimes the other three will drop by... well mostly reiji but the other two must've been forced by karl somehow)

• there was a drunk scandal video of the triplets and subaru where subaru was driving while kanato and ayato kept making fun of him

• then kanato was video calling maya and asking her to come over and "watch a movie with him" while ayato was making delusions of aliens flying around the car, almost causing subaru to drive the wrong way

• laito was sitting beside subaru, reprimanding ayato to stop his delusions bcos there were no aliens but only flying trees (ayo what?)

• there's a part 2 but this time shuu and reiji were in the car and shuu kept laughing at ayato bcos subaru's driving is getting messed up bcos of the alien shenanigans

• and reiji was crying bcos apparently all of them are going to die and also bcos kanato is finally talking "properly" to a girl (what do you mean properly he is being a pervert)

• he also said "laito has finally seen the light and started being the good son"

• yui is actually the one filming all this videos tho

ps. I might make memes abt modern college au later on

[olailamajnoon]

Headcanon: Jason, after coming back from the dead, decides to fuck with Bruce for revenge and also because it slaps, but mostly for revenge ykwim

Bruce blames coffee and lack of sleep for the fact that the pizza delivery boy looks like Jason, the club bouncer looks like Jason, the clerk in Damian's school looks like Jason

Jason: here's your pizza, mister *shoves it into Bruce's face*

Bruce: 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 can I ask your name

Jason: Percy, but everyone just calls me Purse. Like in "cut purse"

Bruce: *under his breath* jesus, you even SOUND like him

Jason, wide innocent eyes popping out of his chiseled man face: you okay dude?

Bruce, convinced he's finally lost his mind, but still holding on to the "illusion": Do you want to come inside?

Jason, deadpan: dude you're rich white and famous, you really think imma let you take me inside your gargantuan Gothic mansion? Being killed one time's enough

Bruce, turning around: *wHaT dId YoU sAy*

[shyjusticewarrior]

[welovelouisandbucky]

You don't say it back

Summary: you prank your boyfriend by not saying "I love you" back, while he's getting late for quidditch practice.

Warnings: Fluff. Kissing (insert scandalised face) Few suggestive moments? Out of character stuff mayne? Seriously, none on this one, lol. Well, of course my writing, as usual. Not proof read.

S/n: positive criticism is appreciated as always. As well as any form of feedbacks, likes, comments or rebloggs. And be kind you guys, this is a safe place for everyone. Enjoy!!

Masterlist

Mattheo Riddle (with Hufflepuff!reader)

It was stupid and ridiculous.

You were just curious of his reaction, that is all.

You heard your friends' talking about doing this to their boyfriends for shits and giggles. At first, you hated the idea of tormenting your significant other for fun, then curiosity consumed your mind for weeks.

Now it seemed like a fun idea to prank your boyfriend, Mattheo Riddle.

You thought it was a perfect way to get back at your boyfriend for teasing you last week in The Great Hall. In your mind it was the perfect revenge.

So you made up your mind to put it into action as soon as you had the chance. Which was now, at his dorm room while he was about to leave for Quidditch practice with Theo.

You were excited as well as anxious for his reaction. Anticipation has been eating away your brain for days now and you were finally going to do it.

Mattheo came up to you and kissed your forehead as you remained sitted on his bed, with your books all splattered around before you.

"gimme a kiss, will you?" He grinned down at you, ignoring annoyed and impatient Theo by the door, who was urging him to hurry up as they were already late.

Smiling, you complied to his wish and kissed him. Without meaning to, you deepen the kiss, clinging onto him as if he's your life support, suddenly not feeling ready to send him off just yet. He seems to think the same way as he holds onto you tighter, kissing you more intensely, cupping your face with his one hand as the other roams down. You almost moan into his mouth when you hear someone gag.

"oi! Stop snogging her and hurry up!" Theo called, tapping his foot impatiently. Matthew rolled his eyes and winked at you before stepping back.

"'ight, love. We'll finish this later, yeah?" Mattheo smirked when you blushed under his gaze. He loves how's you blush at his every word, one of the reasons why he teases you a lot.

"Love you!" He said as he was about to leave with Theo. You just smiled and waved at the both of them. Physically restraining yourself from saying it back, you almost did, but you are glad you didn't as he stopped abruptly.

He looks back at you, expectedly.

You all but smiled up at him innocently. Your eyes never once betraying the guilt you are feeling inside, you just now realised how bad of a timing this is to do this prank, when he's clearly beyond late for his practice. Though, it's too late to go back now.

He clears his throat.

"uh, love? Aren't ya forgetting something?" He asks, his one brow raised in accusing manner. Mattheo steps inside the room again, completely ignoring the loud groan of his best mate ( who looks ready to hit Mattheo with his broomstick any second now ).

You don't reply, just look in his way with furrowed brows, feigning false confusion, which you can tell Mattheo saw right through.

"don't think so, no," you say. You pretend to think over it for couple of minutes before shrugging your head no. Mattheo huffs and rolls his eyes at you. Almost annoyed with you, as you're purposefully making him even more late to his practice.

"c'mon now, princess. Don't play stupid with me," he says impatiently. Not wanting make his team wait any longer on his account, just wanting to get over with that thing as soon as possible so he can come back and spend time with you again. But he can't do that unless he leaves and he's not leaving until you say "I love you" back, but judging by the look on your face, he knows he's not leaving any time soon.

"oh yeaahhhh, sorry, baby!" You giggle. And he smiles, thinking you finally got what he was saying.

"I forgot to wish you luck! Well, good luck with your practice, and have fun!" You tell him affectionately, your voice sugary sweet. You waved him bye again and blowed him a kiss.

Mattheo's hopeful expression falls, so does your heart.

"Y/n," he says, there's an edge to his voice, as well as a slight hint of hurt. Your heart breaks a little inside, regretting your stupid prank now as you look at him. He's standing in middle of the room, in his quidditch robes with his broomstick clutched tightly, his puppy brown eyes looking alarmingly sad.

You know how hard it was for him to express his feelings openly, it is still a struggle for him to express his emotions sometimes, you help him best as you can. And you're really proud of him, for how far along he had come since when you first met him. You curse at yourself mentally, just realising how stupid of an idea this was to began with.

"oh Mattheo," you softly say and go over to him. Wrapping your arms around him and he instantly holds you closer to him, you kiss him tenderly all over his face. "I'm so, so sorry, baby. I thought—i well, doesn't matter now. It was stupid anyways, I'm sorry. I love you." You say against his skin, feeling him tightening his hold, nudging his face deeper into your hair. You heard him sigh of relief, and relax into him.

"sorry, Mattheo. Please forgive me?" You ask, pulling back just a little to look at his face. He gives you one of his smiles which tells you're forgiven, you almost melt into a puddle at that.

"don't. ever. do that again, yeah?" He mumbles before kissing you. He doesn't have to tell you that anyway, since you're never attempting something like this ever again.

He leaves ghostly kisses against your skin, traveling from your lips to sensitive skin under your ear. His hand sliding down to your back, as you lock your arms around his neck.

"don't think you can get away with this so easily, love. We'll see about that forgiveness once I'm back from practice." He whispers darkly, and with one firm pat to your bum, he begins to leave once Theo clears his throat. Making his presence known, which you seemed to forget about completely.

"love you," he smirks your way before leaving with Theo, who looks as if he wants to dig himself into hole and never comeback, ever again.

You try to reply, but no words come out. Suddenly breathless.

You watch him leave with newfound excitement and anticipation burning through your body.

Maybe you're not forgiven afterall.

(divider credits to the rightful owner @rypnami 🙏🏼)

A/n: annnnnnddddd I'm back!!!!! So sorry for disappearing again😭 I have some ideas that I'm currently working on, so hopefully I'll be able to post more content soon!! Yay!

And don't forget to comment or reblog.

Hope you enjoyed reading. Have a nice day!!!

Requests are open.

[arkangelo-7]

Okay, but, realistically speaking, Bruce Wayne has got to have a low alcohol tolerance. He’s a lightweight.

Like, think about it—this man rarely drinks. Most of his “drunken” shenanigans are done stone cold sober on account of the Mission, and all. If you get more than two glasses of wine in him he is fucking gone.

Which is part of what makes family dinners at the Manor so entertaining. Assuming that such events are one of the rare times Bruce truly relaxes, it’s not a stretch to think he might indulge in a glass of wine or a bourbon; and this is fine and all… until the Batkids persuade him to have another round with them or, God forbid, do a celebratory shot.

After that? Bruce is wiped.

His kids think it’s hilarious. Drunk Bruce is a trip. He’ll drop insane Dad Lore about his time in the League or a wild JL space mission or something, but then proceed to list in meticulous, clinical detail all the things that annoy him about Hal Jordan, and then all the sudden get super excited and start detailing his latest Superman Contingency Plan using the salt shakers in the dining room table. He switches moods and topics so quickly that his kids would get whiplash if they weren’t laughing their asses off.

And you know the +1, singular, solitary, time that Bruce got drunk in front of Clark will go down in history as the best day of Clark’s life. Bruce spent the entire time baring his soul, praising his children, and describing his world travels… but he also kept getting distracted by Clark’s abs and called him “sexy” no less then fourteen times. (Clark left that bar wheezing with laughter and had to disentangle himself from Bruce and force him into a taxi because Bruce kept trying to make out with him. It was fantastic.)

[rivai-hana]

LEVI : I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT 😂😂💀🗿

Eren May be rumbling but Levi is grumbling

[demonic0angel]

Health Insurance (click for clarity)

I have a headcanon that Maddie and Jack did not have health insurance or insurance at all tbh, so Jazz really enjoyed the benefits of marriage.

So basically, in this idea, Dick and Jazz marry (bc Dick needed custody of Damian but he’s a single 20-something year old man, while Jazz was getting hounded by the Ghost Zone/her parents idk) but never fall in love. The two of them make a deal to get married and then parent Damian together, but then Dick finds out that they’re falling in love with each other’s siblings so he’s like “let’s divorce”.

It goes well and they both split things evenly or equally and it’s a very peaceful, amicable divorce.

Until they get to the custody of Damian. And then all hell breaks loose.

One of the dirtiest, most underhanded, and vicious custody wars ensue. In the end, they get split custody of Damian between Gotham and Blüdhaven. (He’s weirdly happy with it bc they fought so hard for him and they didn’t involve him at all except for courtesy questions).

Part two

Image description below:

Panel 1 has Dick’s solemn face as he’s looking away.

Dick: Jazz… we need to talk. I know that you’re in love with Jason…

Panel 2 has Dick’s side profile while we see Jazz stare at him in shock, holding a spilling teacup as she’s dripping tea.

Dick: *still looking sad* And I’m also in love with your brother Dan, so I think we should divorce.

Panel 3 is the both of them across from each other, in a very simplistic style. Jazz still looks vaguely shocked and Dick still looks sad.

Dick: I know that we both care for each other, but we’re in love with different people.

Panel 4 has Jazz finally snapping back to reality, as Dick continues talking.

Dick: It’ll be an amicable divorce, so I think that—

Panel 5 has Jazz standing up with a BAM! and knocking her teacup when she slams her hands on the table. Dick looks startled.

Dick: !

Panel 6 has a close up of Jazz’s panicked expression as she’s shouting.

Jazz: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH INSURANCE?!

Edit: I changed the pictures to add the right font and a ring on Jazz’s finger.

[spacebubblehomebase]

Here's a Huskerdust headcanon!

Every other pet name Angel gave Husk before is inferior to their own inside joke that is "Loser" and "Baby~!" 🥹💕 Made some Cherrisnake too! Because my new AU will be heavily focused on Chaggie + Radioapple, so we gotta show them some love before I hyperfixate on the others. Thus, this is the calm before the storm, should I say? I hope to have your support then too! ^v^

-Bubbly💙

[cosmicstarlatte]

MC: Would any of you ever start a cult for me?

Satan: You're asking us,

Lucifer: The seven lords of hell,

Levi: If we would start a cult for you

MC:

Lucifer: Where do you think we go Tuesday nights

[wileycap]

Headcanon: When he hits his teenage years, Aang starts fucking with his friends by making up all sorts of wild stuff that totally happened 100 years ago. Toph always says "he's not lying", but at this point the Gaang knows that The Gremlin Supports Lying For Fun, so Aang always suggests going to Bumi to confirm whatever bullshit he's spewing this time. And he always does.

The Gaang figures that Aang must be somehow coordinating this with Bumi, because no matter how absurd the lie is, Bumi is always 100% on board and can elaborate on it seamlessly. They keep trying to find out how Aang and Bumi are coordinating the lies, going so far as to intercept Aang's letters to Bumi to check for secret codes, but they can never find anything.

And the truth is that they're not coordinating. Bumi just rolls with whatever Aang comes up with because it's hilarious and Aang is his buddy.

[mysticdragon3md3]

[lenny-link]

Soldier cant spell

[strawlessandbraless]

Angels: Brother, you have been chosen for this mission to save the righteous man from hell. But Castiel, hear me well. Do not covet the Michael Sword, big plans for that sword

*2 minutes later*

Castiel: I will lay claim to this living soul, rebuild him, mark him as my own, and carve my name into his ribs, gonna stare at him a lot, so much, gonna kiss him

[fattuccini-afraido]

Monoma: I'm 80% awesome, 20% water and 100% handsome.

Bakugo: That's 200%.

Monoma: I'm twice the man you'll ever be.

[iamnmbr3]

Things Draco Malfoy has Done in the Muggle World During His Postwar Probation

Attempted to order from a menu by speaking to it

Almost breached the Statute of Secrecy due to mistaking someone using clap-on-clap-off lights for a muggleborn using wandless magic

Got into a heated argument with the actors in a commercial because he thought the people in the tv were talking to him

Refused to walk in front of a car for fear of bumping into the invisible animals that obviously pull it

Panicked and responded "I have no idea what you're talking about" when asked what the "magic word" is

Complained that his telephone is broken because it periodically emits a loud ringing sound for no apparent reason

Run into Harry Potter unexpectedly in a pub, dropped everything he was holding, and automatically caught it with wandless magic without thinking, thus breaching the Statute of Secrecy in front of 47 muggles and the most famous Auror in Britain

Run into Harry Potter again in the same pub, thanked him for getting him out of those misuse of magic charges and apologized (again) for all of the more unpleasant bits of their history

Accidentally on purpose run into Harry Potter yet again in the same pub to find out why he comes to muggle London so often and how he's doing and to let him know that he's not remotely interested in whether the rumors in the Daily Prophet that he's split up with Ginny Weasley are true (they are)

Met Harry Potter in a pub for drinks to chat about old times except not the sad bits at least until they've had a few

Taken his muggle friends out to a pub that he definitely chose at random but which coincidentally Harry Potter also happens to be walking into so they might as well all sit down together

Had to admit that he may have mentioned him a few times when Harry is shocked to discover that all of Draco's muggle friends seemingly know his name despite the fact that he isn't famous in the muggle world

Met Harry and Harry's friends for drinks and somehow actually had a good time and not been vengefully poisoned by Ron Weasley or cursed by Hermione Granger or stabbed by Neville Longbottom or anything else dreadful

Had to explain to several bemused people that when Luna Lovegood says that they used to live together she doesn't mean they were involved romantically

Invited Harry Potter back to his flat and proudly shown him that he now knows how to make a telephone stop ringing (you just lift it up for a moment and then slam it back down and that fixes it) and then told him off for laughing

Visited Harry Potter at his flat, also in muggle London though protected by the Fidelius Charm for extra privacy, met a very small and excitable owl and had a protracted but good natured argument about which of them was actually better at Quidditch (because obviously if Draco had had a Firebolt he would have won every match)

Got his wand back and immediately transfigured everything in his flat just because he can and because it feels so good to use magic again and then cast Rictusempra on Harry because clearly Draco is the superior dueler and also because he likes the sound of Harry's laugh

Kissed Harry Potter.

[shyjusticewarrior]

Damian: What is gay privilege?

Kate: Better sex.

Steph: No accidental kids.

Tim: Date someone your size and double your wardrobe.

Barbara: Being able to listen to really good music together cause of automatic good taste.

Jason: Not being straight.