#obey me crack

[callmereyoxp]

mc who says the most unhinged thing known to man

picture lucifer scolding his (totally not mammon) for getting the lowest grades in RAD, and the conversation is pretty serious because its like lucifer is abt to snap:

mc, who was sitting in the middle of them, eating some chips: when i was a teen, i took a huge number two at a target and the toilet wouldn't flush so i ran outside, got in my car, and in a hurry to get out i hit an old man and that man now has severe brain damage and they still dont know who hit him.

the brothers staring at mc: ...

lucifer: mc, what the fuck.

mc, justifying their actions: the toilet wouldn't flush though.

[certifiedlucifersimp]

Pov: You teach Diavolo Gen Alpha slang.

:>

[squeakyducky]

If MC wants someone to do a favour for them, all they have to do is go hug the character's arm, catch them off guard. Muster up the sweetest expression they can make and bat their pretty eyelashes at his questioning gaze and whisper out their wishes to him. And they're putty in your arms despite how smug they look. It works against even the difficult ones like Barbatos, Lucifer or Belphie. They WILL give into it. I guarantee it 100%. The easiest ones are, you guessed it Mammon, Levi and Beelzebub.

[devildomangel]

MC who was sad that they didn't get to see the Solar Eclipse so Beel and Belphie decided to recreate it for them.

-MC, wearing sunglasses and sitting outside the HOL-

Lucifer: MC! What in the nine circles are you doing out here?

MC: I'm watching the eclipse.

Lucifer: We don't even have a sun in the devildom

MC: Shhh! It's starting!

Beel, Wearing a cardboard cut out of the sun: *Standing still*

Belphie: *Wearing a cardboard cut out of the moon, passes by Beel*

MC: Hell yeah

[comfortcharacterprompts]

Lucifer: It’s dark in here Mc: Don’t worry, I got this. Mc: *Stomps their feet* Mc: *Skechers light up*

[slutifer]

Lucifer: mc, you can’t just say “spit in my mouth” when one of us does something you deem attractive

mc: but why not??

Mammon: yeah it’s just saliva, what’s the problem??

Satan: did you know that saliva is almost entirely water? only 0.5 percent of it is anything else, but that tiny portion is full of useful enzymes-proteins that speed up chemical reactions-

Lucifer: stop-

Satan: among these are amylase and ptyalin, which begin to break down sugars in carbohydrates while they are still in our mouths. if we chew a starchy food like bread or potato for a bit longer than normal, we will soon notice a sweetness. unfortunately, bacteria in our mouths like that sweetness, too-

Lucifer: STOP-

Satan: they devour the liberated sugars and excrete acids, which drill through human teeth and give them cavities. other enzymes, notably lysozyme-which was discovered by human scientist alexander fleming before he stumbled onto penicillin-attack many invading pathogens, but not the ones that cause tooth decay, alas.

Satan: …

Lucifer: …

mc: …

mc: spit in my mouth

Lucifer: MC

[tsukii0002]

I have the headcanon that the brothers can feel when Mc feels the sin they represent, Satan when he feels anger, Beel when he feels gluttony…, but that the other way around also happens. When one of the brothers is being “dominated” by his sin, Mc is able to feel that feeling as their own even though it is not. I mean, Mc is calmly doing their business and suddenly BUM, they feel a very marked envy out of nowhere. And it's like:

Mc: *feels a very strong envy out of nowhere*

Mc: What the hell happened to Levi now?

Mc: *quietly in their room when they starts to feel a familiar sensation* How strange…

Mc: *realizing that it's greed what they are feeling* Wait…

Mc: *getting up suddenly and running out* MaaMmoOoon!!! whatever it is don't even think about it!!!!

Mc: *studying* mmm What…

Mc: !!! *feeling a big lust* Asmo we have a final exam tomorrow!!!!

Mc: *with a classmate doing a project* … *suddenly feels a surge of anger and smashes their pen* …

Demon: Are you ok?!

Mc: I am, but the bastard who pissed off Satan won't be ha ha.

Demon: ????

.

.

[helshollowhalls]

[cafe-smut]

One of my favorite things about Obey Me is that if you put anything on Mammon that forces him to speak the truth, he immediately wants it gone/off and for one singular reason.

Levi: *puts truth bracelet on Mammon*

Mammon, turning to Lucifer: I would do anything for you. I love you. You're my big brother and I'd fall into hell all over again for you. GET THIS THING OFF OF MEEEE

And it always ends with Lucifer staring at Mammon like he's seeing a small little angel all over again and falls in love (PLATONIC YOU BITCHES) with his brother all over again and then lets Mammon get away with shit for a week because that's his precious baby brother. If I were Mammon I would use that shit all the time.

[zephyrchama]

Who among you are old enough to remember the "It's 10pm, do you know where your children are?" reminders on TV?

That was probably necessary at the very beginning of the exchange program. Diavolo or Barbatos would have to send out text messages every day. "It's 10pm. Do you know where your human exchange student is?"

You could be doing homework in your room in the House of Lamentation when at ten o'clock on the dot you hear loud swearing and footsteps. Mammon barges in to check that you're there. The others coolly walk by and peek in just to double-check. Every single night.

[sphireath-wisp]

One day, out of nowhere, the RAD Newspaper Club announces the start of a new account on Devilgram, dubbed a RAD confessions page. Promising anonymity with every post, they wish to seek out honest, unfiltered opinions and serve as a safe space.

It started off pretty light, of course.

"I think the future demon lord's butler and the Avatar of Pride are a weirdly coherent pair"

"The new curses class teacher that just joined RAD is unbelievably boring, skip his classes because they don't help. At all."

"The major blood spill that happened in 4th period in the girls' bathroom was me oops"

These little, usually harmless confessions didn't shock anyone. It barely served as anything interesting and you had overheard a group of their members complaining during lunch. Amused after hearing the RAD Newspaper Club's dispirited attitudes as the popularity of the account didn't rise as they originally anticipated, you decided to help them out a little by stirring the pot.

You stand up, excusing yourself from Satan, Beel, Belphie, and Mammon. "I'll be back," you promise with a cheeky grin. You make a beeline straight for Solomon, sitting beside him without a word with your shoulders touching his.

"Need something from me?" he chuckles, enjoying the sudden proximity.

You lean closer with your hands covering the sides of your face so no one could guess what you were mouthing out. Instinctively, Solomon tilts his head to you before... "mwah!" and that's all you say to him before scurrying off back to Satan, Mammon, and the twins.

Later that evening, a new post on the confession page pops up.

"oh my diavolo, you can't tell me yall didn't see the two transfer humans kissing!"

and devilgram goes wild.

[zziridian]

Mephistopheles: as an exchange student I'd expect better

Mc: my apologies mitochondria

Mephistopheles: WHAT

Mc:??

Mephistopheles: say my name

Mc: mesopotamia

Mephistopheles: nope

Mc: Metropolis

Mephistopheles: try again

Mc: Mumbojumbo? Malarkey?Magazine?Microwave oven?

Mephistopheles: I am leaving

Mc: IM SORRY MOZZARELLA

For the life of me I can't pronounce Mephistopheles

[certifiedlucifersimp]

Beelzebub Solomon first encounter

After he leaves

[squeakyducky]

The idea of MC being attached to Solomon after they returned from the other timeline will forever be funny to me. It makes sense after all, there was only Solomon who they could confide and depend on during their time in the past. Just imagine how much everyone will be jealous suddenly seeing their human being clingy to the menace of a sorcerer. Guess who's birthing another avatar of envy.

[l3viat8an]

MC: Careful now. If you keep being sweet, I'll start thinking you're in love with me.

Solomon: What could I have possibly done to make you think I'm not??

[aydien677]

Salmon.

Mc: "Hey Salmon."

Solomon: "Mc, I told you before it's Sol-O-Mon"

Mc: "anyway, Salmon."

Solomon: *sigh*

Pickles

Mc: "So his name is Mepenalties"

Barbatos: *almost spills tea*

Diavolo: "No, no, Mephistopheles"

Mc: "Mefistoplease

Lucifer: *dies of laughter*

Diavolo: "Meh-phi-sto-phe-lese"

Mc: "Mephipickles"