#brooklyn nine nine incorrect quotes

[andysexyberg]

jake: being himself

amy: 🥰🥰🥰

[that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you]

Amy: okay im gonna go get the wedding cake

Jake: perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear

Amy:

Amy: you mean the ring bearER, right?

Jake:

Amy: look me in the eyes and tell me you're not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding

[gardentool]

Nanami: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Gojo: Yes.

Nanami: I was hula-hooping. Y/N and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Gojo: Oh my god.

Nanami: I've mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.

Gojo: Why are you telling me all this?

Nanami: Because no one will ever believe you.

Gojo: You sick son of a bitch.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Regulus: Barty, can I talk to you for a second? Barty: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and James are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Regulus: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

[incorrectbatfam]

[setting up Bruce's social media]

Bruce: I've already set my account and not to toot my own bugle, but I think I did an admirable job.

Stephanie: Oh, okay, what's your handle? I'll be your first follower.

Bruce: It's @4261746d616e. It spells Batman in hexadecimal code. It's clever, right?

Duke: B, are you sure you wouldn't like some help with this?

Bruce: Oh, no need. Now, for my first tweet. I think I should give an update on the water main break that's actually informative.

Bruce, typing: "Gotham City H2O-main SITREP: at 20:40 EDT current PSI 456, max cap 20400 LPM."

*Batcomputer dings*

Bruce: Oh, look at that, an alert. I'm probably trending already.

Bruce: What? My account has been deactivated?

Stephanie: Twitter thinks you're a bot.

Bruce: Why? I'm a human. I'm a human male.

[waterfire1848]

[ AU where the Batkids are kids. ]

Bruce: Clark! Where is Damian’s stuffed cow!?

Clark: Umm…he must have left it in the watchtower. Don’t worry. I’ll get it tomorrow and-

Bruce: Let me be clear. Damian can’t sleep without that stuffed animal, and if Damian doesn’t sleep his siblings don’t sleep and if none of the kids sleep-

Clark: I know. Bruce doesn’t sleep.

Bruce, holding Kryptonite: No. Clark doesn’t live!

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

In the marketplace

Arthur: This is where we were the day we fell in love.

Merlin: Arthur.

Arthur: The day you flirted with me for 15 seconds and I became obsessed with you forever.

[lovelymagnoliarose]

In the Featherington gardens

Colin: This is where we were the night we fell in love.

Penelope: Colin.

Colin: The night we kissed for 15 seconds and I became obsessed with you forever.

[chaoticace2005]

Vox: You played me like a fiddle!

Alastor: Oh no, old friend. Fiddles are actually difficult to play. I played you like the cheap kazoo you are!

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Natasha: Are you sure you’re not gonna be spotted?

Y/N: Absolutely. My cover makes me invisible.

Y/N, to a random person on the street: Excuse me, ma’am. Do you have two minutes to talk about the environment?

Y/N: Nailed it. Now no one will make eye contact with me.

[andysexyberg]

this is jake peralta coded

[thebat-musicman]

Bruce: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Tim: Okay, but in my defense, Steph bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink that shampoo

Bruce: That’s not what I wanted to-you drank SHAMPOO?!

[gardentool]

[Another Itadori training session]

Nanami: You couldn’t use Black Flash fast enough. You just killed Y/N.

Y/N: Honey…

Nanami: I can’t hear you, Y/N. You’re dead.

Nanami, to Yuji: They bled out in your lap. How will you break the news to me? Let's see.

Yuji: We don't have to do this.

Nanami: Ah, Itadori, how are things going with Y/N, the love of my life? Wait, why are you here at this late hour? And whose blood is that?

Yuji: Okay, I get it.

Nanami: It's Y/N’s? This is devastating. I'm inconsolable. And…

[Nanami snaps his fingers]

Nanami: I’ve killed myself.

Yuji: Cool. I can see this is gonna be fun…

[moonyswarmsweaters]

James: Quick, Reggie give me your hairdryer

Regulus: My what? what are you talking about?

James: Don’t you carry one in your bag?

Regulus: Who does that!!?

James: Sirius do you carry a hairdryer in your bag?

Sirius: Of course, i am not an animal

[incorrectbatfam]

Stephanie: How much could I possibly owe you? Fifty, sixty bucks?

Duke: Two thousand four hundred and thirty-seven dollars.

Stephanie: Dollars?! Wait, of course dollars. Why was that the part I was surprised by?