#brooklyn nine nine incorrect quotes

[acourtofquestions]

— Queen of Shadows ending incorrect quotes —

Aelin: Everyone calm down, Dorian & I barely fought. Besides… The Healer said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood is supposed to be.

[that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you]

Amy: okay im gonna go get the wedding cake

Jake: perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear

Amy:

Amy: you mean the ring bearER, right?

Jake:

Amy: look me in the eyes and tell me you're not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick, describing his happy place: I'm in a cabin, in the middle of nowhere. Inside it's just me and that stupid slimey clown, Joker, and I'm beating the hell out of him. I break a dining room table over his head. Then I rip off his arm and shove it where the sun don't shine. Then, I reach down his throat and shake his hand.

Bruce: Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and schedule you for a psych eval.

[queerlyoddly]

tim: Rules are made to be broken.

bruce: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

jason: Uh, piñatas.

dick: Glow sticks.

damian: Karate boards.

cass: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

tim: Rules.

bruce:

[gardentool]

Nanami: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Gojo: Yes.

Nanami: I was hula-hooping. Y/N and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Gojo: Oh my god.

Nanami: I've mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.

Gojo: Why are you telling me all this?

Nanami: Because no one will ever believe you.

Gojo: You sick son of a bitch.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Regulus: Barty, can I talk to you for a second? Barty: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and James are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Regulus: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

[waterfire1848]

[ AU where the Batkids are kids. ]

Bruce: Clark! Where is Damian’s stuffed cow!?

Clark: Umm…he must have left it in the watchtower. Don’t worry. I’ll get it tomorrow and-

Bruce: Let me be clear. Damian can’t sleep without that stuffed animal, and if Damian doesn’t sleep his siblings don’t sleep and if none of the kids sleep-

Clark: I know. Bruce doesn’t sleep.

Bruce, holding Kryptonite: No. Clark doesn’t live!

[eden-3000]

Athena: Nice work

Ody: Good. Thanks, mom...

Everyone:

Ody: why is everyone staring at me?

Eurylochus: You just called Athena mom. You said 'thanks mom'

Ody: What? No i didn't I said thanks, man

Athena: Do you see me as a mother figure, Odysseus?

Ody: If anything I see you as a bother figure because you're always bothering me.

Hera: Ey! Show your mother some respect.

Ody: I didn't call her mom.

Athena: No, no, no. Odysseus, I take it as a compliment.

Antinous: It's not a big deal. I called Penelope mom once and we were basically engaged...

Ody: Jump on that. Antinous has psyco-sexual issues.

Penelope: Old News. But you calling Athena mommy?

Ody: Hey. Mommy is not on the table here.

Hermes: You did call her mom, dude

Ody: you shut up. You did nothing put lie since we got here.

Hermes: okay, okay. I was lying about the wheed. But the mom thing, that happened.

Ody: AHA! He admitted that his alibi was a lie. It was a trap. All a part of my crazy, devious plan.

Athena: I believe you...

Ody: thank you!

Athena: ...son... do you wanna talk about it later over a game of catch?

Ody:... I'd like that.

[lovelymagnoliarose]

In the Featherington gardens

Colin: This is where we were the night we fell in love.

Penelope: Colin.

Colin: The night we kissed for 15 seconds and I became obsessed with you forever.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Natasha: I swear, if anyone harms you, I will rip their heads off their bodies with my bare hands.

Y/N: That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me…

[acourtofquestions]

“I am not going to stand here and listen to you accuse me of things I clearly did.”

— incorrect quotes from Arobynn Hamel in Queen of Shadows

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Eddie to Steve: The only reason you won is cause no one knew you were playing. It was a pathetic act of pure cowardice.

Dustin: Woah, Eddie, he's still your boyfriend.

Eddie spun to face Dustin and pointed at him.

Eddie: Not tonight, he isn't! *quickly turns to Steve* Although, don't kiss anyone else. I love you so much!

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: Listen up, everyone. We had a murder this morning. The victim was found at 8:45 by a dog walker who let herself into his apartment.

Bruce: *shows a picture of the crime scene*

Dick: Oh my God, it's Two-Face and Joker. This is the work of the Joker and Two-Face, my white whales. They've finally resurfaced.

Bruce: Not this again.

Dick: Yes, this again. Those two have been on a murder spree for the past ten years and every time they kill someone, they taunt me. Look, there's a deck of cards.

Bruce: You say that whenever there's cards at the crime scene. You know how many people own cards, Dick?

Dick: Then explain this: Two-Face's catchphrase is "Deuces are wild." Now, look around the apartment. Two chairs, two paintings, two pillows.

Bruce: There are three lamps.

Dick: You think Joker and Two-Face care about lamps? You sound so dumb right now. This is why you don't have an arch nemesis, Bruce, because you focus on the wrong details.

Bruce: Maybe I don't have an arch nemesis because I solve all my crimes.

[wildlyincorrect]

Glinda: Look, I know you think my judgment's clouded because I like Elphaba a little bit... Pfannee: You doodled your wedding invitation. Glinda: No, that's our joint tombstone. Pfannee: My mistake.

[gardentool]

[Another Itadori training session]

Nanami: You couldn’t use Black Flash fast enough. You just killed Y/N.

Y/N: Honey…

Nanami: I can’t hear you, Y/N. You’re dead.

Nanami, to Yuji: They bled out in your lap. How will you break the news to me? Let's see.

Yuji: We don't have to do this.

Nanami: Ah, Itadori, how are things going with Y/N, the love of my life? Wait, why are you here at this late hour? And whose blood is that?

Yuji: Okay, I get it.

Nanami: It's Y/N’s? This is devastating. I'm inconsolable. And…

[Nanami snaps his fingers]

Nanami: I’ve killed myself.

Yuji: Cool. I can see this is gonna be fun…

[moonyswarmsweaters]

James: Quick, Reggie give me your hairdryer

Regulus: My what? what are you talking about?

James: Don’t you carry one in your bag?

Regulus: Who does that!!?

James: Sirius do you carry a hairdryer in your bag?

Sirius: Of course, i am not an animal