#schizophrenic abuser

[autopsyfreak]

‘how do i get to know you better?’

don’t. i’m fucking insane.

[giritina]

(Edit: just to be clear I don't mean to emphasize this girl with the tattoo as the primary perpetrator if this stuff. Idk her story, it's in kind of bad taste but there's more to this than a tattoo)

I saw this great video discussing a critique of "lobotomycore"/"lobotomy chic" and the erasure of the racist history of lobotomies.

I can't add further on the subject of race, but as a person with schizotypal I did connect it with this image

(Source, though I have not verified it by sifting through the archive)

"Lobotomy chic" and the humor surrounding it is used so often by people who I've seen have zero empathy for schizophrenic people. For disables people generally.

Even just looking at how they treat an actual lobotomy victim, Rosemary Kennedy, even when she's that archetypical 40s white woman. Her disability is erased.

Here's a popular tiktok about her. No context, just images of her younger self and her older self. Simply "she was normal, glamorous, and then she became strange, disabled." Oftentimes, her intellectual disability is treated more as a conspiracy theory than a fact of her not receiving enough oxygen at birth. People are happy to relate to her as a ~poorly behaved woman~, but not as an intellectually disabled one.

It just reminds me how this has become a sort of coquetteish phrase and a universal joke that erases everything except the low support needs disabled white woman's experience. The idea that for your eccentricities, you'd be at risk. That you might be the only one at risk, so there's no need for solidarity with the intellectually disabled, the schizophrenic and psychotic, anyone with profound or uncomfortable disabilities. Times ten thousand if those disabled people are black. And god forbid they are disabled, black, AND homeless.

[neuroticboyfriend]

i know us schizos can be relatively lax about the word schizo... but for people who aren't on the schizophrenia spectrum, please remember... it is a slur, or at the very least, a derogatory term. maybe don't say it (unless we're okay with you calling us it), especially not to separate yourselves from us.

context: i just saw someone say "i'm not a fucking schizo" when talking about their misdiagnosis and resulting trauma. this could have been done without using a slur, especially given how much we also face misdiagnosis and medical/psychiatric trauma. we're in this together, not apart.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

like i see people say stuff like “rei is a deconstruction of the idea of like the perfect girl in a male gaze-y way” and and i'm ready to agree until they go “it’s because she’s creepy and weird and bad!” like no. rei's a deconstruction of misogynistic ideas of womanhood because they’re ideals forced upon her that damage her, not because she’s in any way “creepy”. like, the fact she’s a fourteen year old girl who was basically used as a substitute wife by her father bc she looked like his own dead wife is not something that is meant to make rei look bad like holy shit.

like both rei and asuka are very obviously like. showing fantasised and misogynistic ideas of an idealised woman don’t work irl yeah. shinji's misogynistic view of them is wrong. but that’s not because rei and asuka are bad people it’s because like. “fourteen year old who's flirty and seductive” and “fourteen year old who's a quiet obedient object” are major signs of abuse and trauma and anyone actually acting in those ways at that age clearly isn’t normal. asuka is desperate for attention in any way she can get it, even unhealthy and dangerous ways. rei is at the very least I has a weird pseudo-incestous enmeshment filled abusive relationship with her father, even if she's not actively being sexually abused. asuka is seeking support, rei is a grooming victim. these are not things that are flaws in their character the entire point of subverting the expectations is to show how those expectations are unhealthy to rei and asuka like. god.

[polarhorror]

Whenever I see a post that says "narcissist abuse isn't real" or "BPD abuse isn't real" it makes me die inside because I've actually been abused and seen abuse from multiple people. I'm not saying you shouldn't treat those people like humans, I'm saying that you shouldn't say that abuse from them isn't real.

Anyone can abuse! It doesn't matter if you're on the spectrum or not! It doesn't matter if they're autistic, have BPD, have narcissist tendencies, schizophrenic or not on the spectrum at all!

Should we treat everyone on the spectrum as abusers? No! Treat people like humans and give them respect! But they should also give you respect as well.

[n0-al-3n8y]

the urge to go back to one of your abuser when your life is in shambles

[a-minke-whales-tale]

A Beautiful Mind

Last night I watched "a beautiful mind", or I guess a portion of it. I was suggested it by a friend that I might enjoy and relate to it. When it got to the hospital scene and the person getting bootyjuiced it hit me quite hard. First just a little bit, that pain in my hands, that fear again. And quickly it spiraled into a massive mess, I don't know what the word is to describe when the PTSS gets overwhelming like that with the panic and fear and flashbacks and crying. It lasted about an hour and this is the worst one I have had in recent memory, at least since I moved here. I have spirals and nightmares of the hospitals almost every night. I get that pain in my hands every day, but usually it is only a few minutes and it passes. I try to be good and do what we are told so the humans dont hurt us. I have nightmares and this constant forboding fear of being sent back to the hospital and that I am damned to be put away again.

I am doing better now, I chatted with my mother during it and with a friend after. But I am exhausted today. I don't think I can go back and finish the movie. I am told though it has a happy ending where he solves some math thing and wins a nobel prize (which I dont think is how the nobel prize works). But even if it does it seems really just a reminder the humans will only really accept us if we do incredible things and then we get to be inspiration porn.

[divinerapturesys]

they’re everywhere

[autopsyfreak]

if you shit on people for being drug addicts then just know that i hate you.

[neuroticboyfriend]

something nobody tells you about substance use disorder is that if you get cravings it's possible for them to present as olfactory (scent) and gustatory (taste) hallucinations. for example, i will smell alcohol, vapor, sometimes even post nasal drip, when there. is none. or i'll taste alcohol in drinks i usually mix alcohol with, even though they contain no alcohol. cravings can honestly just register as hunger and thirst but Different, too.

this may also intersect with the fact i'm schizophrenic but um. yeah. that's a thing! now you know.

[hahawishmeluck]

new auditory hallucination unlocked: my incredibly horribly horrifically abusive ex who was so abusive that i forgot what his voice sounded like until i started hallucinating it

saying the most twisted shit to me

i’ve done so much work to heal as much as i have from his three years of torture and i really don’t want my brain to extend the torture

[madpunks]

i need medical professionals to understand that medical negligence kills.

i am in involved with my medical care- i have to attend therapy, see a psychatric medication manager, a primary care doctor, physical therapists, and a gender affirming care specialist. i am seen by a lot of doctors and have been in a lot of different medical settings. lately i have hit a rough patch where i cannot seem to have my situation taken seriously

my blood pressure has been so high, for months now, that i was within stroke and cardiac event territory several times. my doctors ping-ponged me between one another- i was prescribed blood pressure meds when i stayed in the psych ward in july. then my psych nurse refilled them, but told me my primary care doctor must be the one to refill them, because she doesn't know anything about bp meds. i asked my pcp, she told me "have your other doctor fill them out, then, since you had them filled over there before."

it took me months to get my life saving medications back. i cried in front of a receptionist at a later appointment where i was told the provider could not see me for our scheduled appointment time that day because "i hadn't filled out the paperwork". they never sent or told me about paperwork. they took my blood pressure after i explained my frustration and booked me for an emergency appointment with a pcp the next business day. but it took until i cried and my blood pressure was dangerously high from stress for someone to care.

i finally have it, now, but i am also fighting for my psychiatric medications as well. the psychiatric meds manager i mentioned above went on maternity leave and someone filled in for her. this doctor didn't know me. he asked me many questions, but never waited for my answers. he spoke over me, told me some of my diagnoses were wrong/misdiagnosed me, and took me off of several of my vital medications. he stopped my bipolar mood stabilizer because he said it didn't help with bipolar mania- he never asked if i was needing help with mania, depression, or mixed episodes. he just assumed.

he also stopped my seroquel- i am a schizoaffective person- because he didn't like the dose i was at, but because i am fat, he said i needed to be on the antipsychotic that was the least likely to put weight on me. he put me back on risperidone. i had been on it in the past. it caused me severe depression. he didn't ask what it did to me. he just put me back on it without question. i haven't touched those damn pills since i got them from the pharmacy. i am already severely depressed as is, i can't even fathom.

while i was discussing a personal event that happened in my life that affected me, my therapist earlier today asked me "why are you letting something so insignificant have power over you? why would something like that make you suicidal? why are you letting this person have power over you" i had finally lost my patience with her, and i snapped, and told her why i was justified in feeling so unwell. i gave her the context of my situation, and didn't back down. i'm firing her next session. later on, my case worker informed me that's victim blaming, and that it was not okay for her to minimize my issues or make me feel like i in some way made my feelings happen of my own free will. i felt so incensed i had to do something about it.

i can't really sleep at night right now. i can't focus, my energy levels are all over and my depression is ruling my life. im struggling with invasive thoughts and horrible painful suicidal lows. i need people to understand that this type of medical negligence can kill. any of this could've killed me at any point. this is not acceptable. this is what american mentally ill people in care deal with. please understand that this is not how anyone should have to live.

[flirts-with-dragons]

Things on tumblr I'm tired of as a severely mentally ill person:

- people saying "kys" to other people

- untagged triggers, or triggers tagged with a censor/uncommon variation

- nondisordered people forcing themselves into disordered communities

- being unable to block ads that trigger me

- still being able to see posts that I've tag filtered or from a person I've blocked

[livingfictionsystem]

~Mental disorders are not synonymous with insults~

[cycles-of-stasis]

Helpful charts for identifying emotions by physical location

[full-cowlings]

does it truly still count as abuse , even if the love was truly there at some point of our relationship ?

or is it just a sick and twisted version of what people call love , because of how i 'd go through all of it again just to have him back ? ᰔ