#chronic pain

[incorrectbatfam]

One thing I rarely see in injury and chronic pain fics is the grief that comes with missing out on stuff you love because you can no longer do them without hurting yourself. Writers who have been disabled their whole lives (or at least a long time) tend to forget that not all disabled people are used to being disabled. For able-bodied characters, especially athletic ones like vigilantes, a serious injury could mean a jarring change that includes giving up the things that mean the most to them.

I was physically fine until I was 18. Back then, my sense of self was entwined with interests that required a lot of movement and dexterity. I started doing MMA in middle school for self-defense. I loved parkour and even had a few hundred subscribers on my old YouTube channel. I learned to shoot and was gifted my first gun when I was 16. I took up multiple instruments. You get the idea.

My motorcycle accident fucked up the joints on my left side—my knee and shoulder especially, but also wrist to an extent. When it first happened, I thought I'd be on crutches for a bit but things would eventually get back to normal. The pain didn't go away even after I got rid of the crutches but I figured it was just residual and I should do what I'd been doing before. It's why I turned to substances—to block the pain and do what I love, but that's another topic. I didn't recognize my injury as a disabling thing until the end of the pandemic, when I put my parkour channel on an indefinite hiatus because it was seriously wearing my body down. It might sound silly to you but I was devastated. It's like if Spider-Man wasn't allowed to swing from buildings. It took me a long time to make peace with losing that part of me.

Another piece of that grief is even when you can do stuff, it's not the same because you have to exclude certain aspects of it for your own health. It's like the Robin that died and came back wrong. I can't use certain gym equipment and I have to tell my sparring partners what to avoid. I don't go to the shooting range much now because I can't extend my arm and hold a rifle for the amount of time it takes to aim without it starting to hurt. I'm a drummer, but I need breaks throughout the setlist and I can't do anything too fast or complex with the pedals, which means I can't play some of my favorite songs and my band is limited in what we write and perform. I can't take my motorcycle on road trips without frequent rest stops. Making accommodations helps physically, but emotionally, they're not always easy to accept because that means accepting the pain as a long-term disability rather than a temporary setback.

This got super long because I think it's unexplored in fics so some tips for creators:

First, learn how the body works and how stupidly fast and easy it is to get hurt. Mine was on a residential road because I didn't pay attention for 0.2 seconds

Learn the difference between internalized ableism and being upset over becoming disabled. I think a lot of writers skip over the feelings someone would naturally experience because it can be construed as ableism. Let them be in denial, sad, angry, etc. upon finding out because acceptance almost never happens right away. That's different from being a dick to themselves or others based on disability

Also, not everyone uses the same labels or has the same vocabulary to describe themselves. Different characters will have different ways of describing depending on their personality, level of knowledge, where they come from, and their relationship with their disability. I still don't really call myself disabled since I don't have it as bad as others so I tell people what happened instead (anyone who says "differently abled" will receive a different ability from me in the Denny's parking lot)

Think about how they cope with their new disability. Do they realize it's a disability right away? Do they talk to someone? Search desperately for a cure? Numb the pain? Turn to alternative methods? Do they worry about something else first, like money? Do they develop something else because of it, like a mental illness? Again, coping poorly is not ableism

What stays the same and what changes? I think about the difference between Forrest Gump and Lieutenant Dan after they were both wounded in battle

If they have a passion they can no longer pursue, it doesn't make much sense for them drop it so readily. Maybe they find a way to continue with accommodations (a good place to get creative!). Maybe they try and push through anyway. If they do ultimately resign, include the thought process and internal conflict behind it

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

[cadennnnnnnnn]

being disabled without having a diagnosis yet is so incredibly lonely. i’m unable to find community with people who understand what i’m going through and able bodied people don’t take me seriously when i explain what i’m dealing with. they expect you to be able to give them a name and i can’t yet. it’s so hard to get the proper accommodations and the right supports. it feels like purgatory.

[squid-socks]

YESSSSSS.✨✨

Not to mention; most disability on earth is not from birth! So helping improve the quality of disabled life is very likely to mean helping future you even in that specific context!!👀✨🌸🫶🫶

This is a friendly reminder that none disabled people often do benefit from the same accommodations disabled people benefit from.

[fibro-memes]

[cosmicfunnies]

Struggling to Create but Still Here

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to check in and let you know I’m still here. It’s been tough creating new content lately. A lot has happened—being wrongfully terminated from my job because of my learning disability, dealing with my mom’s progressing dementia, and struggling financially after my financial aid for my master’s program ran out. All of it has made it hard to find the motivation to create or even function some days.

Most days, I’m just sleeping, and when I do work on illustrations, it’s random and slow because chronic fatigue and depression make everything feel heavy. I really want to get back into creating because when I’m not working on my series, I feel so empty, like I have no purpose. I’ve also wanted to focus on my online store, but it’s been hard to get into the right headspace. I hate feeling like this—crying all the time, sleeping all day, not eating, and thinking I’m a failure.

I just hope I can find my creative spark again. Thank you for sticking with me through all of this. I hope you’re all having a great day.

[iamchickenhearmesquawk]

When I tell you this revolutionized things for me and my chronic pain. It’s kept me from being crushed with guilt for not being a regularly functioning person, and helped me categorize how I’m doing in a way that helps me a lot more.

Like I pretty much never will see a 100% day, but a 70% day is a win. 60 percent is a good day. My average is like (thankfully, and also with lots of accommodations) 40-50 percent. When I get down to 30% I know I need to be more careful cause 20% or lower is flare territory.

I reserve 10-5 percent in my brain for “I need to go to the hospital” levels of symptoms which thankfully for me personally doesn’t happen too often, though thinking about it that could maybe be pushed lower to like 3 percent or something. 10 percent may actually be the “fuck fuck fuck” pain that I don’t quite consider hospital cause it may pass.

It helps so much cause my regular pain is mild to moderate, so rating and recording my pain sometimes makes me feel guilty like “I’m only at a 3/2, I should be doing more!” But the percentage system takes into account pain AND fatigue, mood, energy, adhd symptoms, getting sick, etc.

This makes so much sense

[anxious-and-in-pain]

question/request for advice:

whenever i’m on public transportation, i sit if i can. i have chronic pain and often become unsafe if it gets too intense before i find my way home again. my anxiety likes to overthink about how i appear young and healthy and how i can’t know whether or not the people around me need the seat more than i do.

there was one time where i was in one of the three accessible seats on transit that was so full that many people were standing. someone got on and complained about being tired before asking if they could have a seat. i think they had a mobility aid but even if they didn’t, they were obviously struggling and were much older than i was. the others in the accessible seating completely ignored this person so i gave up my seat and spent the rest of the trip trying not to cry from pain and hoping that i could safely walk the 18 minutes home in the dark. i couldn’t just ignore that person though.

i’d love anyone’s ideas or responses. mobility aids don’t work with my arm pain so there’s nothing obvious about me needing a seat. maybe i could get a pin that says “invisible disability” or i could practice a script on saying that i need a seat or asking others to give up theirs? ugh, i’d feel like an asshole though because of my anxiety (fuck anxiety). does anyone have experience around this? feel free to add advice or personal anecdotes!

[silvermoon424]

Not to get too personal on main again, but if you've read my personal posts for the past few months you'd know I haven't been doing well. It finally, FINALLY occurred to me that maybe it might be the rare autoimmune disease I've already been diagnosed with and I literally started crying because I knew in my soul that it was true. Every symptom lines up.

I didn't consider my chronic illness because for the most part it's been very localized and managed; I was diagnosed almost a decade ago and despite what I now know is the occasional flareup it's never been this bad. The fantastic news is that I already have a team of doctors I've been seeing for years and they should be able to help me through this.

I don't think I've ever felt this relieved in my life. Thank fucking God I know what to do now.

[nondivisable]

I need to say something and I need y'all to be calm

if it isn't actively bad or harmful, no representation should be called "too simple" or "too surface level"

I have a whole argument for this about the barbie movie but today I wanna talk about a show called "the babysitters club" on Netflix

(obligatory disclaimer that I watched only two episodes of this show so if it's super problematic I'm sorry) (yes. I know it's based on a book, this is about the show)

this is a silly 8+ show that my 9 year old sister is watching and it manages to tackle so many complex topics in such an easy way. basic premise is these 13 year old girls have a babysitting agency.

in one episode, a girl babysits this transfem kid. the approach is super simple, with the kid saying stuff like "oh no, those are my old boy clothes, these are my girl clothes". they have to go to the doctor and everyone is calling the kid by her dead name and using he/him and this 13 year old snaps at like a group of doctors and they all listen to her. it's pure fantasy and any person versed in trans theory would point out a bunch of mistakes.

but after watching this episode, my little sister started switching to my name instead of my dead name and intercalating he/him pronouns when talking about me.

one of the 13 years old is a diabetic and sometimes her whole personality is taken over by that. but she has this episode where she pushes herself to her limit and passes out and talks about being in a coma for a while because of not recognizing the limits of her disability.

and this allowed my 9 year old sister to understand me better when I say "I really want to play with you but right now my body physically can't do that" (I'm disabled). she has even asked me why I'm pushing myself, why I'm not using my crutches when I complain about pain.

my mom is 50 years old and watching this show with my sister. she said the episode about the diabetic girl helped her understand me and my disability better. she grew up disabled as well, but she was taught to shut up and power through.

yes, silly simple representation can annoy you if you've read thousands of pages about queer liberation or disability radical thought, but sometimes things are not for you.

[toogoldforthis]

I must have this thought consistently for 30 years before I consider a doctor.

Well obviously I can’t have chronic fatigue, that’s a real problem for real disabled people that’s diagnosed by doctors probably. Clearly I just have some sort of perpetual exhaustion issue, that is also almost certainly my fault somehow

[fibro-memes]

[wishful-seeker]

I would like to see more people talk about how jobs treat disabled employees.

I used to prep, wash dishes, and cook at mellow mushroom. I had chronic pain that wasn't NEARLY as bad as it is today, but it was still very debilitating. I told my employer "i cannot stand more than 4 to 6 hours. I CANNOT do shifts longer than this due to my illness." And even though i made my boundaries VERY clear, everyday i worked it was 8 hours at the least and 10 or 12 at the most. I would go up to my manager and say "look i really need to leave, my shift is over, my chronic pain is killing me." And he'd say "we really need to here, you HAVE to push through." And so i did, and after one, ONE month of that job my crps got incredibly worse to the point where i could no longer walk my dog around the block which was .5 miles. I quit, and that was FOUR years ago, and ever since that day I HAVE BEEN BEDRIDDEN AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. It is my biggest regret in life.

My best friend who has seen my whole journey has recently developed undiagnosed chronic pain, and she is in the EXACT same scenario i was 4 years ago. Busting her ass at a pizza place with extreme pain that hurts her so much she tells me "im in so much pain i don't even feel like a person." She doesn't feel LUCID. And her manager and coworkers are saying the same thing "if you don't help us you will let us down, we'll be in the shit."

That job thats hurting you isn't fucking worth it. I promise you no money is worth losing all your physical abilities and never getting them back. Your coworkers and boss do not give a shit about you, so don't you dare suffer for them. They will never understand your struggle and they will never try. They truly think being understaffed is worse than whatever pain you experience. They would rather you permanently damage yourself than inconvenience them. FUCK THEM. DON'T FUCKING DO IT!

[lisztomaniac-mp3]

i showed this to my (able-bodied) friend and she was like "oh wow that must be super uncomfy for vik" NOOOO

ITS SO COMFY THE PRESSURE THE WARMTH MMMM PERFECT AMAZING AWESOME

also just awesome art

Little spoon Talis❤️

[i-say-stupid-things]

what is it with able bodied people saying “get well soon” after you say that you’re chronically ill?? like? i am not gonna? and i once literally responded with “i’m not gonna, it’s chronic, as in permanent.” and they went like “oh well, hope you get better!” like bro 💀