#abuse survivor

[th3p0rtalmaker]

I'm so glad someone depicted this accurately

“Why do you beat yourself up so much over little mistakes?”

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

[the-bar-sinister]

repeatedly sobbing "do what you want forever" as I desperately try to convince myself that it's okay to make small decisions about the short term direction of my life without concern for the opinions of other people.

[girl-in-the-thunderbolt-suit]

Baby reindeer was brutal, triggering, uncomfortable, honest and beautiful. One of the best portrayals of someone with sexual trauma I've ever seen on TV.

[lostmf]

[neuroticboyfriend]

As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.

All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:

My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.

I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.

My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.

I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.

I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.

I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.

My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.

I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.

As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.

I have inherent rights just because I exist.

I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.

Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.

If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.

[01298283]

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

[sparrow-the-tired-lesbian]

here’s a friendly reminder for survivors of any sort of abuse that

It wasnt your fault

You are strong

You didnt ask for it

No one gets to invalidate your experience

If someone invalidates your experience, you get to dump their ass

[ed-recoverry]

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser(s) were never punished.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is living a normal life.

Shoutout to everyone whose allegations were immediately dismissed.

Shoutout to everyone reported their abuser to the police and nothing happened.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser was able to get out of significant legal punishment.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is generally seen as a good person.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is a “pillar of the community.”

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has lied about you.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has framed them.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser threatened them into silence.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser discouraged them from reporting.

Shoutout to everyone who lost friends after reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who lost family after reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who received backlash for reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has created a rift in their family or friends by reporting or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who is terrified to tell anyone about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who never had the opportunity to talk about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who feels like talking about their abuser is worthless.

Shoutout to everyone whose case was dismissed by the court.

Shoutout to everyone who faced backlash after their abuser was put in jail.

Shoutout to everyone who faced backlash for testifying against their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who still has yet to be believed that they were abused.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their abuser will never be punished.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their abuser will never face backlash.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their story will be dismissed by loved ones.

Shoutout to everyone who spoke out about their abuser, but wasn’t believed until something happened to someone else.

Shoutout to everyone who spoke out about their abuser and wasn’t believed until they seriously harmed you.

Shoutout to everyone who has been mocked for trying to speak out about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has faced social repercussions for speaking out or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has suffered financially for speaking out or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has admitted guilt, but never faced justice.

Shoutout to everyone who knows they were abused and are punished for it.

[tklshtxler]

[nmolesofadrenaline]

[vacant2007]

[the-bar-sinister]

I am a full person with my own independent goals, desires and concerns.

It is not my duty to be interesting, entertaining, helpful, convenient or productive for others at all times.

I deserve rest. I deserve to engage in my own pursuits without regard for the preferences of others.

I am allowed to be unhelpful, inconvenient or annoying.

[neuroticboyfriend]

a lot of the time, abusers are just regular people. abuse is something we're all capable of - it's a pattern of harmful behavior in which there's power imbalance. we all hold various privileges, connections, and knowledge that can be turned into the power to abuse others. we can all exert our will, thoughts, feelings, etc. onto others in a way that hurts them and takes power away from them.

abusive people have done something horrible and inexcusable, yet they aren't... inherently special. they're people, capable of choosing between right and wrong, capable of change, just as much as others are. i say this in part because i think a lot of people have this lofty idea of abusers that leads them to think they couldn't possibly be a victim of abuse. but abuse can be incredibly mundane - and this also means we all have to watch out for abusive behaviors in ourselves.

abuse isn't just something Obviously Bad People (TM) are capable of... and abuse isn't caused by mental illness, substance use/addiction, gender, etc. etc., even if these things impact what happens. idk. there's no real end point to this post. i just wish people didn't mystify abuse, and realized how (deeply unfortunately) normal and subtle it can be... and often is.

[genderqueerdykes]

after this website decided to attempt to ban porn and ns fw content, it's honestly become a nightmare to navigate as an asexual person w/ sexual trauma. because next to no one uses the mature filter, or tags things as ns fw or even ns ft for fear of having their content or blogs taken down, it means that tumblr has returned to the wild west of random porn flooding your dashboard with next to nothing you can do about attempting to filter it out again

it's not great for a lot of people in general, even outside of asexuality; people with jobs who browse tumblr in their down time, people who have or work with kids, people who spend a lot of time in public, people who are often at religious establishments or events, children and teenagers- there are load of children who lie about their birth date in order to sign up for just about any website ever, the amount of minors are on here is staggering. this is not good many people in general.

as an asexual person with a long history of sexual trauma, i struggle to navigate my dashboard or even certain tags right now. even the act of tagging certain posts will have tumblr suggest 'related' tags that are nsf w even if you are tagging things something simple like "ftm" or "enby" or "butch lesbian". it's great that other people are flourishing and embracing their sexuality, but it comes at the cost of making this website very difficult to browse for asexual people and people with sexual trauma

my heart goes out to the rest of you who are absolutely exhausted and triggered by this. again it's wonderful for the people who enjoy it, but because of how strict the tagging and filtering systems are on this website and how easy it is to get your entire blog deleted just by having a single thing flagged as mature, this website has gotten significantly worse at actually filtering the content they set out to remove in the first place.