#raised by narcissists

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

[dailydiarynquotes]

[nothing0fnothing]

Most parents decide they're going to use their child's innate naivety and trusting nature to instill a sense of wonder. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, mermaids are real, Disneyland. All that.

My parents used it to create an invisible panopticon that only existed in my mind so they could easily deny its existence if I reported it to anybody.

Basically, was told at a very young age, that there were tiny hidden cameras I couldn't see everywhere in my home, and in my clothes, and in my school. They gave my stepdad 24/7 round the clock acsess to view me whenever he wanted to. He said these cameras could not only record my face, voice and actions, but that they had special technology that could read and translate my very thoughts.

I was at the "mermaids and unicorns are real" age, so not only did all of this seem totally plausible, it terrified me. I was changing under the covers of my bed, worried he could see me on the toilet or in the shower, and worst of all I started monitoring and censoring my own thoughts, convinced he could hear every one of them.

My mum noticed I had started taking longer to get dressed and ready than I used to, and asked why I was wasting time trying to get dressed in bed. When I told her about the cameras she tried to convince me they weren't there, and even did a sweep of my room to prove it to me, but I didn't believe her. I thought my step dad had so much power he could even hide these mind reading micro cameras from other adults. She just kind of brushed it off, assuming this was some silly thing I'd be over in a week.

I wasn't.

He kept reminding me of them, so I continued to be scared of them.

The second time my mother heard of these invisible cameras were when another parent, concerned, told her about it.

See I'd been playing at her daughters house, and I was asking her to call my step dad to ask permission for every minor thing I did.

"Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to play in the garden?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to watch TV?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed ketchup on my chips?"

She would assure me she'd asked my mum and my mum said it was fine, but I was adamant it be my step father she call. Eventually, she asked me why I was so concerned about his permission to do these things I'd been doing fine every other time I'd been at her house.

"Because he's the one with the cameras."

I said it so naturally. Like every family had a parent who had the cameras and another who was under surveillance by them. I was worried that if I conveyed the frozen still fear I felt over these hidden cameras, it would seem that I had something to hide.

"There's no cameras in our house so you don't have to worry about it." She tried to convince me.

"Oh no, they're in my clothes" I said. "They're so tiny they could be in a zip or a button or on my shoe laces and nobody would know."

She was, understandably, freaked out by this.

I'm not sure if she beleived my step dad had just sent me bugged into her home like a pervert or something, but I think when I started talking about how it can hear my thoughts like a regular camera can record voices, she realised that this was something else.

My mum pretended that I'd made it up and was lying for attention, even though she knew I wasn't. She knew that her husband had been terrorising me with these fake omnipotent cameras for weeks to the point I was losing sleep and dreaming about them. It was just easier for her to paint me as some kind of freakishly and manipulative child. It was really messed up, this woman's daughter was my only friend, I'd be friendless and alone if she decided she didn't want her daughter learning this behaviour from me.

The last time it was brought up to her was by my aunt. I'd had a bonding day out with her that ended in me crying on her couch after dinner. I vented about the cameras and how much pressure they were putting on me. I said I felt scared to be out with anyone, because if my daddy was watching and he heard their thoughts and he didn't like them, he could stop them from ever seeing me again. I knew she didn't like him, and he didn't like her. All he needed was video proof that she thought bad things about him and he'd have the perfect excuse to cut her out of my life. I didn't want that, I loved my aunt dearly.

My mum tried to pull the same "oh she's just making it up for attention" bit, but my aunt knew my step dad, and she knew he was exactly crazy and twisted enough to torture me like that. She believed me over my mother, and after that I never heard about the cameras again.

Over the weeks I wasn't threatened with them, I slowly started to think about them less and less. And by the time I stopped thinking about them entirely, I'd stopped believing in tooth fairies and unicorns and high tech invisible cameras that could hear my thoughts.

I never forgot about them though.

[confused-canid]

Oh my GOD your mom wasn't a narcissist she was an abusive piece of shit oh my god. Even if she WAS a narcissist, she abused you because she was a piece of shit and we live in a world where you're your parents property until you're 18 then they have the ability to throw you out with no where to go.

My mom's autistic (from what she's told me), doesn't mean it was "Autistic abuse"it was abuse.

Get over yourselves holy shit.

[camomileapplesyrup]

my father never really behaved like one. he was violent. he beat me and my mother. he cheated on her with hookers every night, and got off on the idea of assaulting them behind my mother's back. after my 4th birthday, he up and left. from then, my childhood with him was meeting a string of women from russia, all claiming to be engaged to him. no one stayed long enough but one woman. who became my stepmother.

we didn't like each other. as a small little girl, who watched her big professor father dancing around in suits all day and then slapping my mom before storming away, i didn't have much faith in my safety with this woman. i saw an evil lady, who was corrupting my father with her evil lady ways, turning him against me to prioritise her son who she brought with her. this illusion dropped one night during an argument that lasted hours.

after hurling an array of expensive china at each other, and slamming all the doors in their big house, my stepmother sat crying in our red armchair, repeatedly murmuring things in russian i wish i would have understood. my father saw me approaching and snarled at me. something along the lines of "don't entertain the attention seeking goose. she is playing the victim." as a young 13 year old girl, the only thing i could conjure up was "well, you hit her, dad. don't you think that's why she's crying?"

whatever happened after that was a blur. he went on a tirade at me, clearly bothered by the correction. he looked like a big, puffed up toad, in my memory. croaking unintelligibly with anger and offence. but, im his daughter after all. i didn't understand a thing, i yelled back at my father, attempting to mimic his emotionless-debate-arguing.

that night i saw my real mother in her.

my real mother, in the same house, who never cowered. never ran away, or cried without a glare. my mother who made sure i saw her slap back. slap back so hard it made my father stagger against the very same doorframe i stood.

amidst my heated conversation with my father, the woman whom i hated so much, called out my name. she looked at me and choked out a sentence i'll never forget. in her thick, russian accent, she said "you are a strong young woman. never cower in front of your dad, or any man who hurts you. thank you."

it was the first and last time she ever complimented me. for the first time, we saw each other for what we truly were. two women victimised by an abusive men, who shrunk into the very thing he wanted to avoid most. two women who respected each other enough, to stand up to him. no matter how far apart our worlds were, in that moment, we became the very core of our beings and forgot everything else.

i'll never forget her defeated voice, and tear stained face. i'll never forget what she gave me that day.

[theconcealedweapon]

Abusive parents literally look at any problem in society and believe that it's caused by children not being physically abused enough.

Police officers literally believe that it's their right to kill people for disobeying them.

And these people find supporters very easily.

It's very clear that abuse isn't caused by personality disorders. If an abuser has a personality disorder, it's a completely irrelevant trait, just like their height or hair color.

[roomwithavoid]

the haters aren’t gonna like this one but i’m right!

[cyrusclouds]

happy narc abuse awareness day!!

friendly reminder that narc/narcissistic abuse isn't a real thing. narcissistic personality disorder is a real disorder that real people have, and a vast majority of those people are not abusers and never will be. to imply that narc abuse is real is to imply that the person abused you because they have npd, which is an untrue and ableist statement. a person does not abuse because they have a disorder, they do not abuse because they have trauma, they do not abuse because they are in a bad place mentally. a person abuses because they are an abusive person who needs to work on themselves.

people with npd are not abusers.

-fellow cluster b personality disorder haver

[audreyrose7]

There's always some random stranger on the internet that understands exactly how to explain something better than you ever could yourself

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Slaves who tried to escape were considered mentally ill. Slave owners were not.

Witches were considered mentally ill. People who burned them were not.

People who can't handle the stress of working a full time job are considered mentally ill. People who profit from overworking them, underpaying them, and replacing them in cold blood when they drop dead are not.

Mental illness has never been even close to an accurate determination of evil.

[montaguespades]

Narcissists: "Narcissism isn't BAD or EVIL it's an ILLNESS you monster, stop saying bad things about meeeee!!!"

Narccisistic Abuse Survivors:

- Regularly having breakdowns because their trauma resulted in insecure attachment styles that they misconstrue in their own selves as a potential that they're a narcissist, no better than their abuser, doomed to be a monster, etc...

- Regularly wallowing in shame and suffering because their narc abuser will NOT leave their traumatized brains

- Regularly forced to take cocktails of pills and attend Christmas dinner regardless of the true source of their trauma because PTSD is annoying for everyone else

- Regularly invalidated by ignorant people with healthy families because they can't fathom the thought of a parent or partner being that deeply and intentionally malicious for no justifiable reason, or because narcissists put on convincing, charismatic faces in public

- Regularly reduced to shit-tier careers because they can't stand up for themselves in the face of exploitation, or "compete" with others AND handle daily life

- Regularly searching for a new therapist because every single one wants to obfuscate the truth about why their patient is not getting better, but will continue to milk their wallets/insurance regardless

- Regularly told that they should just "get over their issues with their parents" or "move on" without any access to reasonable trauma informed care, and with absolutely no one to talk to outside of that either because most people huffed the copium that "your toxic parents did their best" and shut them down

Narcissists: "Narcissistic abuse isn't REAL you ableist!!! Stop judging a WHOLE demographic for being so abusive that capitalism can't even find a way to profit off of our toxicity! We're SOOOOO sad and lonely, throw us more victims! It's the RIGHT THING TO DO!!!!"

Honestly, who are you people trying to fool, other than yourselves the way you do in the mirror every single day?

[nothing0fnothing]

The number of times I've caught myself in the middle of telling myself how worthless, unlovable, dislikable and embarrassing I am is too many. It's almost every day.

And sometimes I correct myself and say "I am not unlovable" "I am allowed to make mistakes" "I have grown and changed since then."

Sometimes, I just wallow in the shame.

[walkwithursus]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but a child cannot ‘abandon’ a parent. There’s no such thing as parent abandonment. Either you cultivate a relationship with your child that encourages them to maintain contact with you as an adult, or they can leave. Full stop.

[narcitism]

seeing things like "how to TORTURE and KILL a NARCISSIST" isn't very fun, imagine if we made things called "HOW TO SLAUGHTER AND MAKE AN EMPATH BLEED OUT!!!!!" i think we would get shot

[theconcealedweapon]

Ableist: "Narcissists intentionally twist what you say in order to make you look bad."

Narcissist: "That has nothing to do with narcissism. Anyone is capable of that regardless of mental illness."

Ableist: "Are you saying that narcissists should get a free pass to be as abusive as they want?"

Narcissist: "You just proved my point. You intentionally twisted what I said in order to make me look bad. You're doing exactly what you believe makes me evil."

Ableist: "How dare a person with a mental illness correct me! Help! I'm being abused by a narcissist!"

[actuallyverynormalbtw]

"oh well NPD abuse is recognized by professionals! its acedemically researched!"

wanna know what else is recognized by professionals? the autism speaks model of autism! that doesnt stop them from demonizing us.

wanna know what else is acedemically researched? addiction! that doesnt stop them from demonizing us.

euro-elitist structures, like acedemia, are more often than not biased against marginalized communities. including/especially the marginalized communities they are studying. you cannot cherry-pick which ideas to critique and which ideas to unquestionably apply.

think critically, and remember who benefits the most from the seperation and discourse within the neurodivergent community (hint: its not any of us).