#narcissistic abuse awareness

[sin-esthezia]

the thing that gets me the most about ableism against pd’s is that ppl will be like “these disorders make you an ASSHOLE!!!!” and then turn around and pretend that other disorders can’t and don’t make you act shitty.

depression and anxiety can make you irritable and snappy. they can cause you to refuse to listen to people and to be distant and withdrawn. they can cause you to seem angry, bitchy, rude, uncaring, etc.

ptsd causes an array of difficulties in forming meaningful relationships. it pretty much shakes up your entire worldview and sense of self a lot of the time. ptsd can cause you to get angry often. it can cause you to yell and scream. it can cause you to withdraw from others, run away, or cut them out. it can cause general changes in demeanor and more cynical worldviews. it can make you seem grouchy, negative, explosive, impolite, difficult, needy, controlling, etc.

and yet when people with personality disorders have symptoms of that nature, suddenly we are irredeemable monsters. when it’s npd, bpd, hpd, or aspd instead of ptsd or depression and anxiety, people suddenly and magically lose the ability to be understanding.

mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. i firmly believe that. hurting others is never justified simply because you have any disorder.

but if you can be patient with people who have depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, or any other LESS stigmatized mental illness, you can be patient with us.

[montaguespades]

Good morning, since my replies necessitate this PSA:

Narcissistic abuse is only being singled out as a subtype of abuse because of how frequently others invalidate the survivors of it.

Narcissistic abuse survivors speak out because their own therapist will tell them that their abusive, narcissistic parents deserve forgiveness, and that forgiving them is necessary for closure and healing, but will NOT apply this to any other type of abuser.

Narcissistic abuse is getting a spotlight because narcissistic abusers are so damned good at being covert, so covert that the structure of society itself perpetuates the specific brand of controlling, manipulative, coercive, guilt-tripping, goal-post shifting behavior that narcissists have turned into a socially acceptable parenting style.

A narcissist's desperation to shut down survivors when they speak out is the proof of this.

Narcissists on Tumblr don't "like" to hear this, because it encroaches on their overall tactic of maintaining their "woe is me, I'm uniquely tortured and you can't say otherwise" foundation to stand on in any discussion. They fail to understand that narcissistic abuse survivors are just as qualified to identify with their "unique" brand of trauma, but unwilling to accept that the narcissistic behavior is not clinically mandatory to keep around.

Yeah, it turns out some abuse survivors just, don't want to pass on their pain and suffering, and they don't have a vague empathy disorder that keeps them from honoring their commitment to not become a monster. Curious how those survivors don't always catch a narcissism label or diagnosis, no matter how much crossover there may be, or how statistically likely it is to develop NPD after a narcissist abuses you as a child; it's almost like you only get hit with "stigma" if you're willing to hurt other people.

Stop defending abusers because you don't like victims speaking up.

Stop invalidating victims out of your own insecurity.

Call your therapist since she's been so helpful.

Leave survivors alone, we're trying to address the abusive power structure that still hurts us daily while you try to maintain it, because you believe that your status as a narcissist (and the stigma attached) is beyond your control for the rest of your life, and you're probably going to have partners and/or children regardless, repeating the cycle that we're simply asking that someone notice for once.

[narcitism]

seeing things like "how to TORTURE and KILL a NARCISSIST" isn't very fun, imagine if we made things called "HOW TO SLAUGHTER AND MAKE AN EMPATH BLEED OUT!!!!!" i think we would get shot

[empath-abuse-awareness]

Narcissists are so beautiful and handsome and wonderful, they deserve to be proud for all that they have survived especially with such a distressing disorder

[nothing0fnothing]

Survivors of domestic violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of childhood violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of emotional and psychological abuse: narcissistic abuse is real.

Loved ones of survivors: narcissistic abuse is real.

Therapists specialising in abuse recovery: narcissistic abuse is real.

Experts in abnormal psychology: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with CTPSD: narcissistic abuse is real.

Psychologists studying the effect of long term abuse on the brain: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with diagnosed cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Disabled people who are more likely to be abused than abled people: narcissistic abuse is real.

The therapy prescribed to people diagnosed with cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Self identified "narcissists" on tumblr: nuh-uh.

[neoglowratz]

man when i see all those posts about how to manipulate and hurt narcissists and such all i can think of is:

damn

yall need to stop abusing your narcissists, if theyre actual narcs they just want attention, go give them a kiss instead duh

[lesbostomping]

Okay, so I'm late to the 'party', but let me reiterate: people with certain mental disorders are proven to be more likely to commit acts of physical, emotional and sexual violence, and yes, the abuse inflicted by these people is often highly characteristic of their disorder, making it a valid phenomenon to talk about. No, not everyone with a cluster B disorder is abusive. No, not everyone who commits narcissistic abuse fits all of the diagnostic criteria of NPD. No, people with personality disorders aren't irredeemable monsters, not even those who are abusive. I empathize with those afraid of the social stigma associated with their disorder. I also understand how hard it must be to accept that an unchangeable condition that you didn't ask for is making you more likely to hurt others, purposefully or otherwise. But illegitimizing a widely accepted psychological term, speaking over victims of abuse and policing their language is Not It. Stop infiltrating safe spaces to make fun of people and invalidate their trauma.

[touchingthevoid]

I’m not entirely sure how this will go, if I’ll manage to do it and, if I do, how long it will take me to get there, but I decided to not let myself be broken by one person’s behaviour.

It’s common for a great deal of autistic people (neurodivergent people in general) to feel like others’ bad behaviour towards us must somehow be our fault.

We’re the “weirdos”, so sure we must have done something weird to deserve it, expecially when those others clearly state that much. Or maybe we aren’t, maybe we didn’t, maybe - just maybe - that’s just a lame excuse they use for the inexcusable.

I don’t want to let one such people define me, define how I see myself and define how I see others.

One person’s narcissism with its typical taking advantage of and disregard for others won’t serve as the means through which I evaluate anyone else. They will not be the lens through which I see the world.

I will not apologise for being me, I will not be ashamed of my autism, and I will not automatically take someone else’s nasty behaviour towards me as being surely my fault.

This is a work in progress, but I won’t let them define me, define how much I love or how much I care for anyone else. My own self included.

[veganspaghettios]

I started this blog for other reasons and now I'm here to talk about how narcissistic abuse is real and the only people that disagree are narcissists that don't want to get therapy and people that are being gaslit by narcissists that don't want to get therapy (and haven't experienced this particular kind of abuse)

Until you're timing your bathroom breaks so that you can finally text your dad back because your girlfriend thinks you're cheating every time you're texting someone, but you have to make the breaks short enough that she doesn't know you're texting and then catch you texting your dad and scream at you, I don't want to hear "call it emotional abuse". Because that's not what happened.

Because I was in fight or flight mode so constantly, I began to lose my short term memory pretty badly. I have over a hundred random ass notes that make no sense to me now because I had to try to quickly jot down notes about what was going on that mattered to remember in the future because I was being gaslit constantly and I needed to remember what she was saying often enough to be able to be sure I did in fact hear her say it.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a trauma disorder and that's why you need to get therapy for it if you have it. Someone asked me why I would call it narcissistic abuse when we don't call it autistic abuse or cancer abuse etc.

We don't really have any examples of autism developing a specific type of abuse patterns. However, and I'll speak on this as an autistic person, we do talk about all disorders, including this one in how it affects others around the person. There are some autistic people that are quite rude by accident and not knowing what might come off callous or mean. The reason autism doesn't get an abuse pattern named after it is because these things are not consistent (it's such a varied spectrum) and are not severe enough to add to the danger level of a person.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder gets an abuse pattern named after it because it very specifically has such severe and dangerous traits. People are murdered by their narcissistic partners. My friends were worried I might not make it out alive.

[ari-the-rockstar]

narc abuse is real and anyone who disagrees is prioritizing someone's hurt feelings over someone's severe abuse.

[sin-esthezia]

whenever i hear or see those “how to kill/defeat a narcissist” websites and shit it baffles me. like you’re telling me you want to kill rarity? you want to kill rainbow dash? you want to kill papyrus undertale? deadass?

[montaguespades]

Petition to make every day Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day, since the narcissists have, as expected, gotten so mad that it's a singular day focused on painting them in an honest light, that they're trying to establish their own the day after.

I don't even have to open my browser to know that there's definitely already a Cluster B awareness day that doesn't take place this month.

Again, super on-brand narcissistic behavior, and a fascinating hivemind to witness. An AI-generated list of narcissistic behaviors would tell anyone with critical thinking skills that this is textbook, but self-reflection isn't really their strong suite, is it?

Keep on providing us with reciepts, it's way funnier to watch narcissists meticulously write their own confessions than it is retraumatizing these days.

The revolution will not spare abusers, I'd get on the right side of history if I were you.

[narcitism]

with how horribly narcissists are treated i could say my parents used to hit me and people would tell me i manipulated them into doing it

[nothing0fnothing]

Narcissistic abuse has nothing to do with whether or not your abuser had diagnosable symptoms of a disorder. It's about how warped their personality is by narcissism that it makes them capable of some pretty heinous and unthinkable shit.

Like I feel like some people think narcissistic abuse survivors were just like, hit a lot or called a dumb slut a few times. No. There are survivors of narcissistic abuse who will never speak about the specifics of their abuse in to their partners, therapists or even confide it in their own diaries because its some next level unspeakable shit.

Trying to gaslight us by claiming we just want attention for experiencing a "special different type of abuse" is just not even close to it chief.

I've had conversations with women who have experienced some straight up POW, Stanford Prison Experiment, Abu Ghraib shit in their own homes. This isn't "my husband came home drunk and belligerent" shit. This isn't even "I was afraid he'd kill me" shit. These are women who were not abused, they were tortured.

So yeah like not all gamers or whatever, but the people crying that the label negatively impacts diagnosed narcissists, I seriously need you to take a deep breath and try for once to comprehend how unquestionably and infinitesimally little this has to do with you.

[vizthedatum]

I know I can knock out all my work tasks today. Intellectually, I KNOW. I am getting stronger every day.

But I just put in a request to get disability services from my employer again.

I need to cover my bases.

I hate that anything programming or statistical (essentially my whole job) causes trauma freezes.

I hate that my ex/spouse's lawyer (and my ex/spouse) lied to my lawyer about how we were both responsible for our own health insurance.

I feel like this needs to be reiterated: my able-bodied, autistic, queer spouse kicked out (and threatened, abused, yelled at, made life hell-ish) their disabled, autistic, chronically ill, queer partner (me) out of the home that I paid for (rent, utilities, apt insurance, health insurance, food, etc.) (yes, they contributed money to those things but I did most of the emotional and financial labor of it all). They promised to put me on their health insurance but didn't. They cheated me out of so much. They put me in complete disarray not just for that period of time but for months and months and months. I bet they were hoping I'd just kill myself. They thought I was, you know. That's why they were going to take my medication away but their mom told them not to.

As I told my therapist and psychiatrist several times, I would have absolutely killed myself (if they didn't kill me first somehow) if I didn't leave. I would have done it while telling them I loved them so much. That's how bad the narcissistic abuse was.

I know I've been grieving in all sorts of ways. And I do believe that they need help. They absolutely do. I wish the best for them, and I truly don't want them to die.

But they made my life miserable, and I am trying my best to get my own sense of justice and peace the best way I know how.

I could have (and my friends think I should have) done worse. (aka press charges)

I wasn't even going to file the PFA. I wasn't even going to do anything. I was just going to do what I've always done and start over.

They left me in shambles while they and their ex and their friends all think I'm the "real abuser" and laugh at me. Their lawyer thinks I'm being vindictive and punitive.

They're laughing at a chronically disabled (I pee blood when I'm stressed y'all... amongst other things), autistic, trans person of color who grew up as an immigrant and poor (sometimes middle-class) child in the country who suffered horrific childhood and other partner abuse. My ex/spouse knew all of that. They knew I'd been raped and assaulted and abused.

Do you realize that? Do you know how fucked up that is?

They're laughing while my ex/spouse makes ~150k/yr and has the LUXURY of not going to doctor/dentist/therapy/whatever appointments because they're way more abled than I am....

They wouldn't even be making that much if I didn't emotionally and financially support us while they quit their job to do extra training and education to get that job.

I guess I'm just good enough to be used and tossed away.

They're laughing while my ex/spouse hires a more expensive lawyer just to bully me into not getting enough spousal support and other asset costs, while I'm financially trying to rebuild.

And I am trying my best to live my life now. I grieve and cry every single day. You don't see it in my social media pictures, but I do. My heart and brain are full of love, life, and curiosity... but I am still grieving hardcore. And I will be for a very long time.

Most narcissistic abuse survivors grieve for... years.

[snapnarcissisticabuserecovery]