#quit blaming narcissism | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thephantomcasebook · 3 months ago

Note

Your posts about Olivia Cooke really opened my eyes, I went on a deep dive to see some stuff. and seeing her talk about alicent and everything it just seems like she's talking out of her ass. I read the other day about Sara Hess talking about a convo with her and Cooke speaking about how Olivia has her own "head canons" for alicent and rhaenrya.

Like just about how alicents mother found out that young alicent and rhaenrya were kissing and making out? That just rubbed me the wrong way. Like two girls kissing I don't give a shit? Love who you want but when your a grown woman, in your thirties talking about children making out? That's disgusting the way she plan out says that. I was wondering your other opinions on that whole mess she's got going on.

Look ...

I've said my piece about Olivia Cooke over the years. I think she's a really good actress. I just watched "The Secret of Crickley Hall" and I liked it quite a bit, and I got really attached to Nancy because Cooke was so good. I've liked her since "Bates Motel" and knew even before trying House of the Dragon Season 1 that I was probably going to like her as Alicent - though I was already predisposed because I already liked both Alicent and Criston as characters before the show. She has this uncanny ability to make you attached, strongly, to the characters she plays.

When she's on screen you can't help but love her.

In the end, my problem is not personal to Olivia Cooke, it to actors and Actresses in general, especially toward actors and actresses of a certain age group - mostly late millennial people. I think they're vapid, empty headed, morons, who say creepy and weird shit, cause, they're surrounded by creepy weird people and caught up in social bubbles that don't exist in reality.

Cooke is just one actress among many of our generation who lack empathy and believe less in inhabiting a character and their life and more stripping the character so that they can feel more comfortable in their skin by making them more like the actor/actress. It's naked narcissism, the easiest to spot from anyone who knows how to analyze personalities and performances. And while Olivia Cooke is very - VERY - good playing Alicent, she'll never get past herself, because, Cooke wants to play Alicent the way Cooke wants rather than how Alicent should be played as an established character.

Cooke's naked misandry and bullshit angry bimbo feminism got in the way of Alicent being played consistently.

Alicent should not be angry with the people around her, she should not be hitting and yelling at the people close to her. Criston Cole is her closest and most trusted friend, confidant, and partner in all things - more so than Rhaenyra ever was. When Criston Cole was named Hand of the King, Alicent should not be berating or trying to humiliate Criston cause he took her daddy's job. When Criston got named Hand of the King, it should've been played that Criston AND Alicent got named Hand of the King because they're partners and they do everything together. Criston was Alicent's in to regaining power because there's no one who knows Criston better and who Criston trusts more than Alicent. Any writer would've written with the actor's full support that Alicent would be living in Criston's lap, co-ruling and plotting with him. Not berating him and throwing childish temper tantrums.

It shouldn't have been Otto and Alicent trying to control Aegon and the Green Council. It should've been Otto versus Alicent and Criston in a power struggle as it was in the book. When Aemond and Criston were plotting in Aemon's apartments, Alicent should've been in the room with them. The Crownland Campaign should've been Aemond, Criston, and Alicent's brainchild together ... as it was in the book.

Now, you might say that this is a writing a problem. And it is to a large extant. But Olivia Cooke is not exempt from blame. The actors - because of the strike - had a lot more say in the development of the characters this season - which is big mistake. And while some actors had great instincts, such as Matt Smith and Tom Glynn-Carney. Olivia Cooke chose and championed to play the angry and embittered - Alicent hates all these warmongering men - angle. Several actors spoke up to fix their characters and pushed back against the writing to make their characters better - Tom Glynn-Carney being the golden example. But Olivia Cooke did not, in fact she made Alicent worse.

This is because Cooke relishes in Misandrists power fantasies in which she gets her rocks off belittling and dismissing men. She has made no secret about it, and has run her mouth more than once about it in interviews for not just House of the Dragon but other projects in the past.

There was even a scene that Sara Hess wrote about Alicent dismissing Criston before the dinner 1x08 with a cold and snotty attitude like he was a dog. And it was cut because GRRM and another producer felt that it was incredibly disrespectful to Criston's character and was completely out of character for Alicent to ever treat Criston Cole that way. But Cooke later came out and said that she was really annoyed they cut it and spoke candidly about enjoying treating men that way. She also spent a lot of time in Season 1 at premieres bashing men as a whole, to a nauseating, unfunny, degree.

With that context, and other examples of the like, the assassination of Alicent as a character in Season 2, really starts to take shape. Yes, a lot of it was Sara Hess with Condal's dumb ass never saying no. But a lot of the path leading to Alicent betraying Criston and her sons comes from Olivia Cooke's misandrist bimbo feminism.

Any actor, in their right mind, would immediately push back and argue how dumb and out of nowhere Alicent's betrayal comes from. Any actor would know their character and the source material enough to say "Yeah, there's no way Alicent would do that to her sons, her brother, and the man she's loved since she was 14-years-old". Other actors on this fucking show pushed back and fought to keep uncharacteristic writing from ruining their characters - Tom Glynn-Carney gate kept Aegon fiercely behind the scenes.

The reason that Cooke didn't push back or tried to maintain Alicent's character is because the idea of Alicent betraying her family to join Rhaenyra is something that Cooke wants and agrees with politically. She did it for the ops, not for the character. Cooke got a hard-on at the idea of betraying men to join team girl-boss, "cause Like Girl Power and shit!" and not once did she give a flying fuck about the integrity of the character she was playing. Because, fuck it, she's on team feminism!

Like I said, my issues with Olivia Cooke is not personal, she is a symptom of a narcissistic rot of the profession in general in which actresses no longer play a character but play out wish fulfillment and power fantasies, and if a character is "Problematic" than they change them to suit their personal preferences.

Cooke could and would play a flawless Alicent if she was kept in line by an iron fist of a competent and experienced showrunner and producer that would curb her selfish bad habits and demand a little more professionalism from her.

#House of the Dragon #Alicent Hightower #Criston Cole #Olivia Cooke #Tom Glynn Carney #Alicole

38 notes · View notes

waeirfaahl · 3 months ago

Text

Some little thoughts about Hellfire and its singer

Quite unexpected guest for my duscussing. I don't think that I'll tell something new about this antagonist and his song, so I'll focus on some tiny moments that I find interesting. Maybe somebody noticed this, but I'll mention this. Still this character is one of those, who kinda formed my tastes in what the good and threatening enemy has to be.

Judge Claude Frollo is awesome in his monstrosity. He is really well-written not just as antagonist, but also as a character. The way how he is presented, how he looks, how he acts and how deep and cold his voice, I would genuinely believe that judge Frollo is a manifestation of the unnatural death. Not natural one, which is a force of nature that values a life and keeps balance in own quite severe way, but exactly the unnatural death that exists due to the ignorance and malice of human nature. He embodies all dark aspects of human nature, yet he is self-contained, deep and realistic character, what makes him so terrifying.

Why he is the way he is — racist, sexist, chauvinist, hypocrite, narrow-minded fanatic, liar and murderer? I don't think that we need a backstory, because the answer is simple — Frollo is the result and the product of both his time (Middle Ages, hence religious dogmas) and his own decisions. Although, the line about his desire to make the world "pure from vice and sin" and the fact that he is a judge for like 20+ years (and has no claims for getting more power) imply a king is okay with this, so there's the possibility that Frollo could start as more or less devoted, fair-minded and good in his work (and that France really was in horrible conditions, plus wars), but than older he got, than more he got ruthless and blind to his own mistakes and crimes, using his authority for oppression and literal genocide instead of punishing exactly criminals. And, well, his words about cruelty of the world make sense, so you can agree with him in that aspect. I can't tell for sure, whether Frollo is a psychopath or sociopath, although he has some traits of narcissism (at the same time the only living being that Frollo genuinely liked and cared about is his black stallion Snowball); and his view of religion and rationalizing in some senses has some parallels with worldview of Oliver Cromwell, but what I can tell for sure — his arc is in falling into the madness due to own narrow, fanatical, sick and twisted mind despite many events that could change him and save from this path. I don't know, whether the authors did that intentionally or accidentally, but the story (and ephemeral "divine forces") gives to the old judge at least two moments for redemption — the first chance, of course, is Quasimodo, and how Frollo could learn compassion and forgiveness, but no, he psychologically abuses Quasimodo and feeds own ego, using the blatant gaslighting, and the second chance is, of course, Esmeralda, and how Frollo, falling in love with her, could change for her and also change his own worldview, realizing and accepting own imperfection (although, I find it nearly impossible, because in Esmeralda's eyes he was and always will be a monster, a murderer and a tormentor — from another side, at least, in the animated film he has no sadomasochistic tendencies he had in the book; and I find his conflict in the animated film more interesting, deep and complex, because in the book it is basically just "I am actually a priest, my job forbids to me to be interested in women"). But we know, what happened instead — Frollo corrupts the possiblity of love and turns it into the pure possessiveness and wrath, viewing it as a witchcraft that causes lust (because Frollo is absolutely sure that all Romani are demons, and there can't be love from them and/or to them, only dirty carnal pleasure). He ignored and failed everything, blamed everyone and everything in own mistakes and crimes, he lied to himself and hence he was the reason of own demise.

I can also assume that for Frollo to accept the idea of sincere love toward Esmeralda means to encounter his biggest fears — to realize and to accept the fact that he deprived himself of normal life, free and full of happiness, and spent all his own life in self-restrictions, self-reproach, lying to himself, denying crimes for "greater plan" (making world pure from vice and corruption) and also in committing various sins — especially oppression and mass murders of people, where many of them were innocent. To accept his feelings and possibillity of love toward Esmeralda means for him to consider Romani people as equals to French citizens of Paris, to doubt his worldview and religious dogmas and to accept how wrong he was all his life, to reject everything he knew all his life, as well to encounter the painful fear — that Esmeralda will never love him after what he has done, and he isn't able to actually earn her love and forgiveness. Not to mention that he is already old man (50-65, I guess), while she is young (19-23), so in some senses there's also envy. So he tries to convince himself in the opposite, he wants to believe that Esmeralda herself can choose and love him, or else she is a fire demon, who wants to kill him, so she must be destroyed. Frollo's main animator was Kathy Zielinski, and she perfectly nailed his nature and also added few subtle details in his animation and expressions. For example, you can notice some kind of hesitation and regret during "God have mercy on her..." line after he burned Esmeralda's scarf, considering her escape from the church as the rejection of his attention... ah, not kidding, that's terrifying — imagine, you're young girl with own life, and at the same time some unknown to you man (or the person, who tries to erase your people) draws his future with you, creates the idolized image of you and gets furious that you "rejected" him despite the fact that you even never interacted with him and promised nothing to him (and you have no idea about this creep and what's in his mind). Another interesting detail that I noticed in Frollo's animation, and I'd like to ask Kathy about this — it seems that Frollo is left-handed inborn, but later he trained to be right-handed. Because he uses his left hand very often and confidently and exactly during the moments, when you will use exactly your working and active hand.

So, about Hellfire. For real, for me it was mind-blowing. The beauty of this song is in psychology and the fact that we can see what happens in Frollo's twisted and sick mind, what he feels and thinks and why — the two opposite feelings toward the one person, contradictional feelings because of Frollo's beliefs and view on Esmeralda's origin, her belonging to those he killed his whole life. The core of his song is not a lust (I'd say that it is not the case despite the fetishism with Esmeralda's hair and her scarf that he hid and wore on his chest), it's exactly the possessiveness, mixed with blatant fanaticism, egocentrism and victimblaming. Basically "Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I'll be your slave!" thing. And now I'll try to explain, why I think so. In the animated film, at least, I can understand, why Frollo was interested in Esmeralda — she is not just a young pretty girl, she is smart, she is kind, she is brave, her spirit is free, strong and untamed, she can stand for herself, and she dared to oppose him. So no wonder, why he could be interested in her — there's something more than "just a beautiful body" (and it doesn't contradict to the movie's message and why Esmeralda ended up with Phoebus — he saw Esmeralda as an equal and living person, psychologically he was the only mature man in contrast to Frollo and Quasimodo, and at the same time Quasimodo is more mature than Frollo, because the inexperienced boy, who lived in isolation, really values Esmeralda and her choice and happiness). Because, I'm sorry, although in the book Esmeralda (or Agness, that's her true name in the book) is 15 years old, but as a character or a person she has nothing except of beautiful body, and she has no brains in the book (especially the scene with her mother near the end confirms that). And this thought came to my mind after I noticed the one certain detail in Hellfire sequence. For sure, my favourite moment of this song is "Or else let her be mine and mine alone!". It is the only scene, where Frollo dreams without obsession. It is the only tender scene with him, and it is the only scene, where he is shown vulnerable and lonely, and that makes this scene very personal and impactful. What's interesting, the early version was different, hence it gave different perception. In the early version it is the blatant lust, the carnal desire, mad obsession, because Frollo moves to Esmeralda's smoke spirit as a predator and tries to grab her exactly as a predator tries to catch and grab its prey, as well as Esmeralda here is depersonalized and... dead, she just flies and then disappears, she is just an image, not something alive, just a body instead of living person.

In contrast to this, in the final version the scene hits differently — Frollo walks to her with open arms, as well as Esmeralda's spirit, now pure and ethereal, flies to him with open arms and tenderly touchs his face, so he tries to hug her, but she disapperas, so he looks at it with sadness. The final version is more subtle and ambiguous and leaves the clear hint that Frollo really wanted to be loved by her the way he is (exactly in terms of feelings and platonic side). It shows the sadistic, racist, narcissistic, ruthless, fanatical, hypocritical and deluded sociopath from different side — as a lonely and lost person, who doesn't understand his own feelings and hence is afraid of them and despises them, and who through his narrow, ossified, sick and twisted worldview corrupts initially a pure and sincere feeling toward the brave and kind young girl and turns into a sinful and disgusting act of obsession and possessiveness, erasing any chance for alternative, depriving himself of any alternative. His line "Why I see her dancing there? Why her smoldring eyes still scorch my soul?" kinda hint that he never experienced these feelings (in the festival scene, where Esmeralda kisses Frollo for cheering up, you can notice how embarrassed, timid and meek he is at this moment, but as soon as she jokingly moves his hat on his face and runs back on the stage, he again is in anger state), they are not familliar for him, he can't understand, accept and control it, so it only makes his anger on himself and especially on Esmeralda (again victimblaming) stronger and more destructive.

And it also plays on a viewer's empathy, because even with this gorgeous scene the song and the movie give the right message — no matter what, after all what he has done he's the dangerous and irredeemable stalker and murderer. Judge Frollo is that kind of wonderful human monsters that you will enjoy to analyze, but never want to meet in real life. P.S. Speaking about backstory — maybe at Frollo's youth some gipsy woman predicted that in his next life Frollo will have lots of hot girls through his life, but at the old age he will die due to the stroke during "love play" with another young woman in one old town in the forest. And this town was Twin Peaks. P.S.s. (UPD) In early drafts there was some backstory of Frollo's hatred toward Romani people — it was some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. When Frollo was young and became a judge and celebrated that with his friends, some old gipsy woman predicted that his ambitions will destroy him, so Frollo gets furious, because he worked hard for getting this job etc, and he considered the prophecy as a witchcraft and started to chase this old lady, so after this his hatred toward Romani has started. Basically Kung Fu Panda 2 prologue or whatever. I would more quickly assume the self-hatred or self-loath issues, caused by Frollo's own origin and the perception of Romani people as demons that must be sent back to Hell for centuries, i.e. he himself could be part gipsy (most likely 1/2 from his mother, hence lying to Quasimodo about his mother, Claude kinda talked about own mother that was "a heartless gipsy who is not capable of real love and abandoned him", so the same image he projects on Esmeralda, expecting from her the same betrayal and at the same time wanting to be loved by her). On another hand, we already had the antagonist with self-hatred issues — Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit 1988 movie.

#disney #disney hunchback of notre dame #judge claude frollo #esmeralda disney

21 notes · View notes

antiproshipconfessions · 13 days ago

Note

TW: ableism, antisemitism accusation, harassment (since they think it's ok to accuse me of having NPD despite not being a psychiatrist and that I'm also not their client that can be able to get diagnosed with the disorder. Their claim of being "neutral" towards me is them just indirectly mocking me for not believing in narcissistic abuse (they had the nerve to say I'm the one who is taking things so personally when I rant/vent a lot but they can't handle being called the exact thing they're doing). The sus shit they said is how they want to yeet people into the sun for disagreeing with their ableist takes and they're all "assholes" for it.)

Been real glad that yesterday, the anti-anti that was a former mutual of mine is no longer on here including their side blog!

Not quite sure if it's because they got banned or choose to delete both of their pages. My theory is because they got fed up with the backlash they got from people who are starting to recognize that they're far from a nice person. They did say they were gonna stay on Tumblr after all and not leave as intended...

I hope other people they hurt by being blatantly ableist are doing ok since I'm not the only person they emotionally attacked (they themselves from what I remember denied being this just because their ableism was directed at people who had NPD, even tried claiming it's ok to separate narcissism away from NPD (you can't separate those terms, where would narcissistic personality disorder get its name from? Out of the blue?). I hated how they dragged a great meme into their bullshit to try so hard to make themselves the victim for being that a lot.

I got the screenshots on what I was getting called out by them if you do get curious on what it was (and the last thing they did recently that involved them accusing my mutual of being antisemitic just because they claimed to got blocked by them for not giving them a chance to explain things, I mean with the attitude they had in said callout... could you even blame them for not wanting to hear them out and also not support them for causing my mental health to spike down due to that?). If you were wondering, my old username was bbjxencanto-blogger, they didn't notice that I got a username change after blocking me when they decided to indirectly mention me for some reason to explain why they're absent from the internet:

#anti lolicon #anti proship #anti proshitter #antiproshipconfessions

10 notes · View notes

quitblamingnarcissism · 1 year ago

Note

Something that frustrates me is that, everything that narc abuse believers describe in "narcissistic" parents, what they say, traits, tactics they use to abuse you, is almost always everything my mother does

My mother, who claims to be an empath. My mother, who denounces narcissists just like they do. My mother, who I know for a fact, is not narcissistic

It's all just emotional/mental abuse. That's the word for it. Not narcissistic. A completely neurotypical person can exhibit those tactics. And while narc abuse definitely is coined with npd in mind, and I still blame them entirely for what they say, that's what quite a few of them mean. Claiming "narcissism ≠ npd."

Instead of conflating an already stigmatized disorder with a type of abuse, and pretending that narc abuse wasn't coined in reference to npd, why don't they just call it what it is; emotional abuse

39 notes · View notes

darkmaga-returns · 1 month ago

Text

By John B. Carpenter

Kamala was stabbing the air with her index finger, fuming; Bret Baier had touched a nerve when he informed Kamala that 79% of Americans believe the country is on the wrong track, and she’s the incumbent. Then he had the audacity to allow Satan himself speak — via video clip — by playing his — I mean Trump’s — response to Kamala’s claims. That was the paper straw that broke the McDonald’s employee’s back. Her famously vicious temper appeared; we’d heard the reports of it surfacing behind the scenes at her staff when Kamala exposed her vacuity. She once attempted to deflect a reporter’s question about why she, the “border czar,” hadn’t been to the border with a flippant “and I haven’t been to Europe.” She blamed that, reportedly, on her aides. Consequently, over 90% of her staff quits. With Baier, Kamala was furious and she showed what we’re up against.

We’re up against her narcissism and the collective narcissism of the left. Narcissism is characterized by delusions of grandiosity. As in my last American Thinker article, “The Advent of Idiocracy,” one of the defining characteristics of American liberals is their pretensions to be “the best and the brightest.” Such pretensions lead to visceral reactions to any dissent. If narcissists claim that Trump’s “the enemy within” comments are threats to use the military to crack down on domestic critics, pushing back on that absurd claim, regardless of how politely the rejection is delivered, “will be considered an attack on their superiority.” (The irony that they’re exhibiting the same intolerance they’re ascribing to others is invisible to them.) The result is “narcissistic rage.”

#kamala hates america

6 notes · View notes

eldritch-spouse · 1 year ago

Note

Oooo fun question about your demons, and other creatures you think might be relevant (wraiths for one).

Which of your creations can sense emotions?

Like I know lust demons can sense that, and Nebul can sense emotions too (only negative ones? Or all ones?)

If lust demons feed off lust and that’s why they sense it, does that mean that sloth demons can sense and in turn feed off enthusiasm? (Or other similar, energetic emotions).

Just in general, would a reader need to be self conscious about your OCs sensing how they feel?

Who can sense emotions?

Plenty of them. It also depends if you're talking about the entire, immensely broad spectrum of emotions someone can have, or a select few.

As of now, only one character has the ability to sense every type of emotion in others.

Wraiths, like Nebul, are mostly in tune with people's misery. To gouge whether or not someone can be a more effective meal, they sense primarily negative emotions, such as depressive states, panic and terror, at times rage. He can also detect when someone is in brighter moods, but this gouging is severely limited, he can't decipher if it's happiness, infatuation or general excitement unless he gets in the person's mind. Nebul is also quite powerful for a wraith, meaning newbies are only able to sense sadness for the most part. The more power this type of undead has, the more clearly they can paint an emotional portrait of you.

Dorem, someone who can glimpse into souls, gets to see a little bit more of people's emotional states than he'd like sometimes. He can view more than that, going deep into people's identities and the overall background of their souls. It's oftentimes necessary for his work.

Higher entities like Krulu and Miara have a remarkably easy time understanding the emotions of those who confront them, although this isn't something they sense, per se. A higher who has a vessel, on the other hand, is always very in-tune with the emotional state of their host.

Breg is an example of a monster who has very acute "reading" senses. Hormones, smells, body language and general disposition are something he has no choice but to pay close attention to, so it's easy for the breeder to gouge emotions and states. This doesn't mean someone with a lot of self-control couldn't escape his radar. More feral-inclined monsters generally have this "ability" too, to varying degrees.

What about demons?

Their senses are a lot more specific to their needs, just like you said.

Concubi will hone in on desire and sexual frustration, sometimes preying on infatuation.

Sloths will focus on those who are either already tired (easy prey), or people with an abundance of energy/motivation (more work but more rewarding).

Gluttons sense hunger, exercerbating it to states of starvation and generally making people more impulsive. They can also encourage already satisfied people to keep going and kill them that way.

Wrathful ones feed on frustration of all sorts, bitterness and dissatisfaction, causing people to become senseless animals in their rage, or truly fearsome butchers.

Prideful ones sense arrogance above all, narcissism, and insecurities. They'll give people a delusional, grandiose view of themselves in an effort to feed off that energy. Some get so prideful they perform stunts that end their lives under the impression they'll succeed.

Envious ones procure loneliness, isolation, also insecurities and identity confusion. They encourage the vulnerable to blame others for their situations and put on second skins.

Greedy ones feed on both the rich and the poor, so long as the desire to gain and collect and take and steal is great enough.

Should you be self-aware?

Naturally, yes.

Emotional states are pivotal to a person who seeks to manipulate you, so all of them will take advantage of their senses to put you in a disadvantageous position.

The problem comes with the exhaustion that'll surely follow with having to keep an eye on your own state at all times. You never really know when they're studying you, so how can you be sure of when to try to hide your emotions? What if you can't? How do you combat that?

It's a tricky situation.

#Nebul oc #general tce #vaya-mernda

52 notes · View notes

sin-esthezia · 1 year ago

Text

when people advocate for pwNPD, a lot of people who believe in narcissistic abuse say that we need to stop "coddling abusers (narcissists)" and that we're "self-victimizing twats." that basically, supporting narcissists is supporting abusers, and supporting abusers is wrong because abusers should NEVER have support. and i just don't get how people don't see how wrong that is? like, everyone deserves support. yes, even abusers.

i'm not saying that abusers should be encouraged to keep abusing people. i'm saying that they deserve psychological and emotional support because it could end up preventing more abuse. people who choose to abuse others are often doing so to make themselves feel better, but there are other ways to make yourself feel better that don't involve hurting others. obviously not every shitty person is going to want or see a need for treatment, but some really do. some simply don't know any other way to act or don't recognize their behavior as abuse. and all of this especially applies to pwNPD. if narcissists make the choice to abuse others, it's because they were probably abused themselves and need to feel power over someone else in order to cope. that's not an excuse for shitty behavior AT ALL, but it is a sign that with some therapy and support, they can find new strategies to stop their abusive behavior.

please do not misunderstand bc i know yall have zero reading comprehension; THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD STAY WITH SOMEONE WHO HURTS YOU. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE OBLIGATED TO FORGIVE ANYBODY WHO HURT YOU. THIS DOES NOT MEAN ABUSERS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

this means you should consider recognizing that when abusive assholes go to therapy, they just might find a way to stop being an abusive asshole and prevent more people from getting hurt. and maybe they deserve to be happier so that other people can get hurt less. if you make peace with this fact, it will probably help you cope with your trauma.

and before you give me shit, i'm an abuse survivor. coming to terms with what i mentioned above was a part of my healing process. please don't try to tell me that i don't know what i'm talking about.

#npd positivity #narcissistic abuse awareness #narcissistic trauma #abuse #abuse survivor #npd #actually npd #quit blaming narcissism #narcissistic abuse #actually narcissistic #actually cluster b #cluster b positivity #cluster b safe #npd safe

9 notes · View notes

moonshine999 · 1 year ago

Text

The Crows as Taylor Swift albums (pt.1)

because why would we have a sane method of characterisation

Kaz Brekker : Midnights

♟️”And I wake up with your memory over me // That’s a real fucking legacy to leave” - Maroon

♟️”Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism // Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time) // I wake up screaming from dreaming // One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving and life will lose all its meaning” - Anti-hero

♟️”And the touch of a hand lit the fuse // Of a chain reaction of countermoves // To assess the equation of you // Checkmate, I couldn’t lose” - Mastermind

♟️”Do you wish you could still touch…her? // It’s just a question” - Question…?

♟️”Uh oh, I’m falling in love // Oh no, I’m falling in love again // Oh, I falling in love” - Labyrinth

♟️”Spider-boy, king of thieves // Weave your little webs of opacity// My pennies made your crown” - Karma

♟️”Passing by unbeknownst to me // Life is emotionally abusive// And time can’t stop me quite like you did” - Snow on the Beach

♟️”All that bloodshed, crimson clover // uh-uh, sweet dream was over // my hand was the one you reached for // All throughout the Great War // Always remember// Uh-uh tears on the letter // I vowed not to cry anymore // if we survived the Great War” - The Great War

♟️”I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone // You said I have to trust more freely // But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire” - The Great War

♟️”Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness // ‘Cause it’s all over now, all out to sea” - Bigger than the whole sky

♟️”If I was some paint, did it splatter // On a promising grown man? // And if I was a child, did it matter // If you got to wash your hands?”- Would’ve could’ve should’ve

♟️”And now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts // Memories feel like weapons” - Would’ve could’ve should’ve

♟️”Dear reader // Burn all the files, desert all your past lives // And I’d you don’t recognise yourself // That means you did it right “ - Dear Reader

♟️”Dear reader // The greatest of luxuries is your secrets // Dear reader // When you aim at the devil, make sure you don’t miss” - Dear Reader

Inej Ghafa : Speak Now

🪷”Left yourself in your warpath // Lost your balance on a tightrope // Lost your mind tryin' to get it back” - Innocent

🪷”Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been // you’re still an innocent” - Innocent

🪷”My mind forgets to remind me you're a bad idea // You touch me once and it's really something “- Sparks Fly

🪷”Maybe this is wishful thinkin' // Probably mindless dreamin'” - Back To December

🪷”Miscommunications lead to fall out // So many things that I wish you knew // So many walls up I can't break through” - The Story Of Us

🪷”The battle's in your hands now // But I would lay my armor down // If you'd say you'd rather love than fight “- The Story of Us

🪷”But I never thought I'd live to see it break // It's getting dark and it's all too quiet // And I can't trust anything now” - Haunted

🪷”but Sophistication isn't what you wear, or who you know” - Better Than Revenge

🪷”The playful conversation starts // Counter all your quick remarks // Like passing notes in secrecy” - Enchanted

🪷“same old tired, lonely place // walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy // vanished when I saw your face // All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you” - Enchanted

🪷”The crowds in stands went wild // We were the kings and the queens// And they read off our names” - Long Live

🪷”And the cynics were outraged // Screaming, "This is absurd" // ‘Cause for a moment // a band of thieves In ripped up jeans got to rule the world” - Long Live

🪷”Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?” - Dear John

🪷”Well maybe it’s me // And my blind optimism to blame // Or maybe it’s you and your sick need // to give love and then take it away” - Dear John

🪷”Memorise what it sounded like when your dad gets home // Remember the footsteps // Remember the words said // And all of your little brother’s favourite songs” - Never Grow Up

(Nina, Matthias, Jesper and Wylan are already posted)

#grishaverse #six of crows #SoC #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kaz x inej #kanej #taylor swift #swifties #midnights #speak now #shadow and bone #the crows as taylor swift albums

31 notes · View notes

liliadrawingstuff · 9 months ago

Text

Faba Headcanons (mainly past)

Just wanted to get some headcanons down for my imaginations of Fabas Past and random HCs for my Story. (⚠WARNING⚠ . There are a lot of different sensitive topics that are not suited for everyone so please stay safe)

If you see any weird writing mistakes or bad wording, I am sorry :") I easily do typos without noticing and English isnt my first language

-Faba comes from a very unloving home where nothing he did was ever good enough for his parents. When he did well it was just accepted but never acknowledged. When he did mistakes on the other hand he was mostly treated like the scum of the family. But Child Faba still wanted to do his best and make his parents happy even if it was all in vain.

-Petrel and Faba are brothers in this Story, but unlike Faba, Petrel was sick of getting treated like trash, got connections to Team Rocket through the Internet, stole some money and left the Alola Region to join Team Rocket where he was atleast worth something. Their parents didnt care and only used this situation to put Faba under even pressure. "Do your best. You dont want to end up as a criminal as your brother, dont you??" (Faba did crime in the future anyway. yay. Also cant wait for Faba and Petrel to meet again)

-Faba has actually a very bad immune system, is often sick, can't do sports well and is exhausted quite easily. (But his parents didn't care and still forced him to do well and go over his limits)

-Since Faba didnt got any love from anyone, had no friends in school since he was always just the awkward silent depressed kid, he cried pretty often and wished to just shut his head off. After meeting his Drowzee he sometimes asked it to use hypnosis on him so he would fall asleep and stop thinking about how little he is worth. (I have an Angst Comic Idea for this where Adult Faba gets a Flashback of this and jdhufb my heart is aching already because it will be sad but cute in the end)

-He met his Drowzee during a school break in middle school. Some classmates were playing with their Pokemon, while Faba didnt had a single one and was just watching while eating a little. But then a Drowzee came out of nowhere and most of the kids suddenly screamed that theres an evil Pokemon attacking them. They attacked the Drowzee out of fear (because we all know what Drowzee and Hypno are known for), making the Drowzee run away. But..Faba noticed it looked very sad as it left. So Faba walked after it and found it hiding under a tree. The Drowzee panicked once it saw the child and put its little arms protectively over its head. Faba did nothing and let the Drowzee realise that he doesnt want anything bad. This made the Pokemon turn around slowly and saw that the human was offering a little of his food to him, which it happily ate after hesitating a little. Faba took a seat next to the Drowzee, comforting it a bit more and realised it only wanted to play with the other people and pokemon but got treated badly because it was a Drowzee. They quickly became friends and met in nearly any school break until Faba catched it. (I also really wanna draw this as Comic REEEEE)

-Fabas narcissism became a thing after getting to know Drowzee. His first and only friend he ever had. That Pokemon gave him something to fight for in his life but the neglect and ab*se that his parents made him go through nearly every day made it very very difficult. So he started to love himself forcefully and take pride in the things he can do well. At the beginning he could only be prideful of his intelligence but over many many years he became proudful in everything and threw the blame always on someone else when a mistake happend. He became blind by his forceful and fake pride and wanted to proof himself and others that he is a great mastermind...AND THEN DID A BUNCH OF ILLEGAL THINGS LIKE THE POKEMON EXPERIMENTS AND SO ON...YAY!! (Idiot //affec)

-He and his nowadays Hypno are very very loyal to each other. Hypno does literally anything he says. Hypno is also VERY overprotective of Faba since it doesnt want anyone to hurt him as in the past. Colress had a tough time getting its trust but after a long while Hypno knew he could trust Colress.

-Faba is super well with Pokemon that get easily judged and are very feared since he got always ignored and outcasted too

-After Faba was forgiven he actually got hit by depression, a huge amount of guilt, waves of flashbacks and an eating disorder (that he all hides behind acting prideful and acting fine as nothing ever happend). This happend because he couldnt accept that his co-workers were so nice to him and let him stay in the Aether Foundation. Realising the crimes he did because of his Narcississm remembered him that his parents were always right- He is actually just a nothing, a loser that only does mistakes, a scum that actually should just disappear from earth.

-I like the headcanon that Faba does Drag so I add it here too. With the only difference that the Faba for my Story stopped doing it after getting hit with depression and Anorexia. He became unhealthyly thin and rather worked while forgetting/ having no urge to eat. It made him think that his body is very unpleasant and stopped having fun with drag. Thanks to Colress he will start living healthier again slowly and by time, hopefully, show him his love for drag again.

In conclusion he was a very depressed unloved man but thanks to USUM Colress`s Sweetness he will slowly be okay <3 he needs hugs. a lot.

#branch chief faba #faba pokemon #faba #AngisResHCs #tw abuse #tw body image #tw eating issues

10 notes · View notes

theconcealedweapon · 1 year ago

Text

"Narcissists hide their abuse so everyone only sees the victim's reaction to it."

Oh, you mean exactly how white people have treated black people for centuries? And now they're trying to ban any teaching about the history of racism so black rioters are seen as unhinged violent monsters instead of victims of constant abuse justifiably lashing out?

I highly doubt that many people are all mentally ill and all have the same exact symptoms.

Quit blaming narcissism for what people with privilege have been doing since forever.

#racism #slavery #narcissistic abuse #surviving narcissism #ableism

64 notes · View notes

fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 1 year ago

Text

Thranduil and Josie Pt. 152- Break Into My heart

Summary: Raven gets poetic. She receives a terrifying vision. The Elvenking is back to his womanizing ways to ease his mental anguish. Two Kings share wine and words. Thranduil and Tauriel converse which ends on a sour note. Narcisse has a surprise for Jo, Her kind words eat at his conscious to the point of a breakdown. The warlock admits something.

*Warnings* strong language, angst, smut,

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Raven paced around the elven chambers in solitaire that she had to share with Tauriel, fretting about what the Elvenking was going to make the she-elf do to her unborn child.

Would Tauriel really go through with it? Could she go through with it? It was no secret that the elleth didn't care for Raven one bit, but she still didn't seem like one who had a heart to do such a malicious act, especially after how she offered extra care for Raven's wounds in Rivendell when she didn't have to.

Surely, Thranduil was testing the loyalty of his new captain of the guard and that's what worried Raven even more, because she knew how desperate Tauriel was to remain in Mirkwood. Either way, Raven vowed she would never let it happen and would find a way to escape, even if it meant facing the dealers, or even worse...Jareth.

Raven sat down Indian style on the bed with her small bag of belongings and beg and digging through it for a particular book to read in hopes of calming her restless mind. It was one of her favorites by Edgar Allan Poe because it consisted of his complete poetry. She then did what she always did, closed her eyes and opened it to see what message she would receive this time.

As she opened her eyes, she began to read aloud.

"A Dream Within a Dream...

Take this kiss upon the brow! And, in parting from you now, thus much let me avow. You are not wrong, who deem that my days have been a dream; yet if hope has flown away in a night or in a day, in a vision or in none, is it therefore the less gone? All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar of a surf tormented shore and I hold within my hand, grains of the golden sand. How few, yet how they creep through my fingers to the deep while I weep, while I weep, Oh god! Can I not grasp them with a tighter clasp? Oh god! Can I not save one from the pitiless wave? Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?"

"Hope...what hope do I have?" Raven asked herself as a single tear strolled down her cheek.

Oddly in that moment, she thought of Jace. Why?? He abandoned her. Could she really blame him though? He hardly knew her and taking on the Elvenking could mean a death sentence for him. Jace had his own issues to deal with, why should he give damn about what happens to her? Why should anyone give a damn about her?

She closed the book with a sigh, for the message only made her feel worse. As she put it away, the glint of Jareth's citrine ring flashed in her face from the candlelight gleaming down inside the bag.

With all the chaos, Raven had forgot she even had it and the question came to light again as to how that slimy ghoul Gollum had gotten ahold of it in the first place? The only thing she could some up with was that the little thief must have stolen it off of Jareth's finger while the goblin king was disabled from Thranduil's light, for she couldn't see Jareth giving it to him for any reason. It was a part of Jareth's power and he would certainly come to reclaim it...and her.

Raven pulled it out, fondling it as she looked it over in more detail. It appeared to just be some ordinary antique but all who knew of it, knew it was anything but ordinary. It wasn't necessarily evil though, it just depended on who's finger it was placed upon. Of course, Raven didn't have the slightest clue how to bring it's magic out, so she did something quite stupid out of curiosity, and slid it upon her finger.

As she gazed upon her own reflection in the golden topaz, something began to happen. Something terrible.

Raven became frozen in some trance like state as her eyes glazed over in a white film...and then she heard him. Jareth.

"Curiosity killed the cat. I knew you were weak and foolish girl."

Her hand shook profusely as his image then appeared inside the stone, creeping towards her in a sinister, yet strangely sexy way.

"You have betrayed me for the last time my love. Did you honestly believe you could escape me? Or that I would simply forget your lying vows of love for me? Those same vows of love that created the life inside of you? You belong to me Raven. You will always belong to me. I will reclaim you, my ring and my child and you will rue the day you ever crossed me. There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. The Elvenking will face my wrath as well. He cannot protect you. I am your King. You will bow before me and take your place at my side for eternity. I am coming. Time...is short."

All that could then be seen was a close up of Jareth's face as he devilishly laughed, and then he vanished as Tauriel walked in.

"He...he...he...kn..knows...he knows about the baby." Raven stammered in fear after she came back to reality.

"Is that what I think it is??? On your finger???" Tauriel asked with beaming eyes and came towards her.

"Stay away from me you baby killing bitch!" Raven shouted and sprung off the bed, rushing backwards with great force right into the stone wall.

Down she slid to her butt, dazed and confused as she repeatably mumbled before she passed out.

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

After viewing you through your moonstone for the second time in Haldir's arms, Thranduil, or more likely the Elvenking, enjoyed some pleasure of his own on the cool December day in his warm outdoor pool. Accompanying him was one of his elleth servants. She had platinum strands like his, although he preferred fiery hair...fiery hair that belonged to you. Because of that annoyance, he purposely chose her for a distraction and to fuck out the relentless ache in his cock that happened every time you invaded his thoughts and he had high hopes it would stop him from envisioning you while doing so.

"My lord...where shall you have me?" the pale blue eyed elf meekly asked.

The Elvenking merely side eyed her, not wanting to see her face.

"There...on the steps. Lean over them."

The young she elf did as she was commanded, laying her chest onto the cold wet stone with the crack of her bottom just barely above the clear blue water.

As he approached her, cock in hand, he noticed she was laying on her cheek to where he could see the side of her unwanted face.

"Face forward."

She turned to glance at him. "My lord, I...I am?"

"Dolth- cín níf!!!" (Conceal your face) he barked.

She squeaked and swiftly placed her forehead down on top of her hands.

"This is not for your pleasure, but for mine. If you wish to receive any, know that I will not wait."

'Y..yes my..lord." she timidly replied as she waited for the sharp sting of his girth.

Thranduil spread her entrance open with his fingers and guided the head of his swollen cock inside with his other, then he released his hand, grabbed her hips and thrust into her.

She squealed into her hands as he began pounding against her, so hard that the water sloshed about in a frenzy to the beat of smacking skin.

His idea failed him miserably as there you were, red hair and all, before him, being fucked like a dog. But the memory he was seeing was nothing of the sort, for in it, he was making love to you, soft, slow and sweet in his chamber's pool. The candlelight danced over your wet back as you moaned and panted for him, immediately bringing him to climax.

Thranduil's eyes closed hard and his mouth hung open as he sped up, ignoring the elleth's orgasmic mewls and only hearing yours. He swiftly pulled out, groaning and stroking his way through his release as he expelled his cum into the water, while in his mind, he secretly called your name.

"Glenn-hi." (Go now) he commanded to the blonde elf. "And do not return to my sight, this day or any day."

She glanced at him in confusion. "My...lord??"

Thranduil's eyes rolled as he pursed his lips. "It would seem I have made the right choice to remove you from my kingdom, for your dense mind is of no use here, nor is your cunt of any more use to me."

He swayed his hand in the air behind him for her to exit as he waded to the other side of the pool to climb out.

After Thranduil relaxed in the remaining sunlight for a moment with his wine, he then slipped back into his attire and headed to the shipping docks in annoyance, as he saw Bard's late barge arriving.

"You are late with the barrels. Are there no means of time in Lake Town?" Thranduil rudely said in his greeting to the captain of the archers and King of Dale.

"King Thranduil. Apologies. I had a setback with some orcs along the way. It is good to see you alive and well."

"It is good to know your vision is still in tact. Unload, reload and be on your way to Dorwinion. I expect extra allowance of time will be given for your next delivery, for tardiness is not acceptable as it may have been while I was...away, but as your properly functioning eyes have witnessed, I have returned and all operations will remain under my rule as they were."

Bard had heard of the trauma inflicted upon the King and was even warned of his changed behavior, but knowing Thranduil as well as he did, he really didn't see any difference in him....yet, for Thranduil's attitude was completely typical. Even so, Bard knew he could hold his own against the Elvenking, who was also his friend.

"Will that include a shared glass of the wine before my departure like always? I have missed my old friend and was very saddened to believe you had passed on."

Thranduil's eyes narrowed as he peered down at the smiling bowman.

"Very well. There are things you need to be aware of before entering Dorwinion. Be quick and join me in the docking tent."

Bard nodded with a bow and began his duties while Thranduil then headed off to patiently wait.

Fifteen minutes later, Bard entered the tent to find the King in his chair, sipping his wine and seemingly lost in thought, for his arrival went unnoticed.

"King Thranduil? I have completed my tasks."

Thranduil did as he had always done and went to the wine table to pour the other King a drink.

"I am in need of more ale in addition to the usual order from Lord Narcisse for an upcoming celebration."

"As you wish. Has your queen returned? I would like to offer my congratulations on the birth of the Princess."

"You may offer them to me, for my daughter was not born of immaculate conception." Thranduil quipped and returned to his chair.

"Of course. Congratulations King Thranduil. I was only hoping to offer them to her in person and hopefully meet the child."

"It would seem you will meet her before I am able to do so. Josephine remains in Dorwinion with my daughter. Legolas is on his way there to return them to me."

"That is good news. I am sure it will be a most happy reunion and celebration that you have planned. Shall I relay any messages to the Queen?"

The Elvenking's jaw was clenching, for he could not stand to continue hearing Bard address you as his Queen, but he knew he must carry on with his charade that you and he would be one happy little family again. He could not risk you knowing the truth as it would delay his plans even further by you possibly refusing to come back and he knew Legolas would not take Leean from you, nor would you allow him to.

"All that you know of my existence is to remain unknown. Although you may arrive before Legolas, he will inform her per my instructions."

"The Queen does not know you are alive?"

"Ahh, I see your brain is working as well as your eyes."

"Thranduil...may I ask why you would not wish for her to know her King is alive as soon as possible? I cannot imagine the suffering she has endured."

"You may not! What concern is my business of yours? You will do as I have ordered or I can and will easily find a replacement for your duties here."

Now Bard knew something was amiss just like he was warned of. Thranduil was referring to his daughter as only his and seemed to have no concern for you. The Thranduil he knew, that loved you beyond the moon and the stars, would not be sitting here drinking wine as if it were just another day. He would have been on his way to Dorwinion himself to be with you, but it was not Thranduil that sat before him. It looked like him, but it was in fact the elf lord he knew before you arrival, the Elvenking.

"Respectfully, how do you expect me to look her in the eyes and not speak of you?""

"Maybe I was incorrect about your brain functions. It is as simple as you are. You do not speak to her at all. That woman and child are nothing to you. You are going there for your compensated duties, unless you would like me to involve myself in your affairs, such as with Baine?"

Bard took a step towards the Elvenking with a scowl upon his face.

"You dare to threaten my son??"

Thranduil stood from his seat and faced the angry bowman.

"I dare to dare as I please. With that said, I threaten no child. I am merely suggesting that he may be better suited for your position. After all, he did assist you, bravely I might add, in Smaug's demise and would take his duties seriously. He would not be concerned, as you are, with Josephine or my child."

"If I no longer work for you, nor will my son. I do not need your compensation, or have you forgotten I am a King as well? What I do for you and other lands are to help others instead of biding my time on a throne, wearing a pretty crown, drinking wine and patronizing others."

Although Thranduil looked upon the man with great dismay of his insult, he expected nothing less from one King to another, especially from Bard the brave.

Bard returned the look, sat his chalice down and without another word or a single head bow, he left.

Thranduil made his way to his chambers, greatly vexed and having enough of the day's occurrences, only to find Tauriel awaiting him at his stairwell.

He found his eyes rolling once again as he walked past her in which she followed him down the stairs, offering a quick bow.

"Unless you have come to inform me that you have completed the task I ordered, I wish to enjoy my evening in peace and solitude." he snapped as he poured another glass of his cherished and mind numbing vintage.

"Apologies my lord, I have not, for I have something you may find of more importance for the time being." Tauriel strongly said as she paced about with worry.

"What could be of more importance than ridding of that creature in the dhampir's womb??"

"This...my lord."

Tauriel extended her arm out and opened her hand to reveal Jareth's citrine gemstone.

The Elvenking's eyes rolled again, but this time, almost out of his head.

"Where have you come across this piece??"

"It was in Raven's possession. I fear she has had contact with Jareth. She claims he is aware of the child."

"It is no child. It is his demon seed."

Thranduil took the ring from her and eyed it over, before pulling out your moonstone that he swore he would not look at again.

"I now have two of the six runestones needed to destroy Jareth. My moonstone and Josephine's are of one piece, but only one of the pair is needed. Haldir possesses another, the emerald. I will inform Legolas to retrieve it."

"My lord...who has the other three?"

"Harker has the crystal prism in which he used as means of torture upon me. Somewhere, there is an amethyst and a pink tourmaline. All six each represent a strength...knowledge, love, birth, strength, destruction and death. I hold in my hands, love and death. Haldir holds birth. Harker holds destruction. Knowledge and strength still remain, as well as the book of shadows, I last recall, Julian concealed the three pages to raise the dead and they also are the only ones that can undo it. When all items are combined, along with Ashmole's spell, it is the only means to Jareth's permanent destruction, which is why he wants them for the obvious reason of preventing it. The issue we currently face are those three pages. It is all that is needed for Jareth to carry out his deadly plan. With Julian under his control, it is only a matter of time before the goblin king is in possession of those, if he is not already."

"My lord...this will be...ruinous."

"How remarkable, your observance of the obvious. I have had enough of this futile conversation and day at that. Come tomorrow at high noon, there will be a meeting before my throne and by the day's end, I expect my demands to be met."

"My lord...if I may inquire...how is it that you desire me to handle the situation? Raven is not going to consume anything I give her, for she is aware of your plan."

"Slow-witted I perceived you not to be. Am I myself slow-witted as well for placing my faith in you?"

"No, of course not my lord, it's just that...there is no other way than...black magic...which is forbidden here....and the price... it comes back on the spellcaster three fold as you know."

"It is not forbidden if I so order it. I am the King of this realm, am I not? And as King, I have sovereignty, also do I not?"

"Y...yes my lord...I..."

"You nothing! Dispose of the evil entity as you see fit or find yourself in contempt of a direct order. I would advise against defying me or I assure you, the worst price you will suffer is my wrath."

"Yes, my lord." Tauriel bowed and rushed off, knowing she was already receiving her karma by Thranduil himself for all that she had done. He could have easily chosen any of is guard to complete the ungodly task, but he intentionally chose her out of spite and, like Raven believed, to test her loyalty. The most obvious though, was that it was to punish Jareth, as well as Raven, for all that they took from the King....you, his daughter and the vast majority of his will and his love.

Thranduil laid the pair of gems upon his desk and sat down, again gazing at his journal, wishing to add another entry, but he knew he would be easily tempted to read his past memories and feelings, so instead, he relished in his wine as he fondled your stone without thought....until he saw you appear inside again without warning.

It now seemed his touch brought you about, like rubbing a genie lamp.

He stood in utter shock, staring down at the vision, for this time he saw you with Lord Narcisse and it appeared to him to be an intimate moment. A kiss.

"How...Josephine?..." he whispered.

Thranduil's heart shockingly burned him in agony. It was nothing like the jealousy and rage he had felt when he saw you with Haldir. This...this was true unexpected pain. Like a thief in the night, you broke into his heart.

As Narcisse arranged the dinner table in his chamber, a knock sounded upon his door. He smiled, knowing it was you by the way you lightly tapped three times.

"Jo...I was beginning to think you had changed your mind."

"No...I was tending to Leean when Haldir showed up." you explained as you went inside.

"Isss....everything alright?"

"I don't know. He knew I was coming here tonight, so he wanted to come stay with Lola and Leean, which I am surprised he even did. Stephane, he heard us outside the door earlier today, about me choosing to stay here with you. Needless to say, he was highly upset and things didn't go well. All we do is fight anymore and I feel so terrible. I miss him...the way things used to be until my mother came back into my life and turned it all upside down. Now I feel like he and I are so disconnected and...it hurts."

"Jo...you don't have to be here with me this evening. Why don't you go spend it with Haldir and try to make things right with him?"

You laughed as you poured some wine. "You...Stephane Narcisse, want me to go spend my night with Haldir instead of you?"

"Is that so unbelievable that I would want you to be happy?"

"No...I know you do, but I made these plans with you...actually we made them awhile ago and they got interrupted so....I want to stay right here, or I would not have came. With that said, is there anymore news on Harker or Bash?"

"Unfortunately no in regards to Harker. My guards are on continuous watch. No one sleeps until he is reprimanded. Bash was still resting but alert. He said he was feeling better and asked me to thank you for what you did for him."

"Well, I will go and visit with him tomorrow and let him know I was more than happy to help him. He's a good man, just like you."

Stephane's eyes fell and he walked off to pour himself a glass of the hard stuff. All the kind things you had said to him lately only made him feel worse by the minute for what he was concealing. He even tried to condone his own actions by telling himself that Thranduil was probably truly dead by now considering he had been imprisoned by Jareth all this time and all the other worldly experiences you had proved it. Even so, it wouldn't change anything though if you were to know Thranduil had been alive and that he kept it from you. It would actually make it much worse for Narcisse...and even harder on you. He was at a crossroads and didn't know which way to go and it was eating him alive.

"Hey, where'd you go just now?" you asked with a concerned smile.

"I'm sorry Jo...I just have so much on my mind."

"I know you do. Come on, let's eat. You went to all this trouble to have it prepared with all of this going on. Try to relax, unwind a bit."

'You're right, as always my lady. I hope it is to your liking." he said with a sly grin.

"Ok, what did you do this time Stephy?" you giggled and quickly lifted the silver lid off the large wooden plate in the middle.

You sucked in a gasp and released a loud squeal of joy as you saw a steaming hot homestyle pizza in front of you.

"Oh...my...god...you didn't."

"I did, for once again, I paid attention." he smiled, and quite big at that to see you so happy. "I cannot take the credit for preparing it this time, but I did inform the cooks how to create it. It has crushed tomatoes, cheese, pork, mushrooms, onions and peppers. I hope that is alright? Oh, and I had one made to be taken to Haldir and Lola too, and dessert."

"Are you kidding?? It's...perfect Stephane...how sweet of you and....you're...perfect too."

"I wouldn't go that far my lady." he chuckled. "Here, let me cut it up for you."

The pie made three large pieces for each of you and you both ate every single piece, including the crust edge, which you never liked, and then you indulged in warm cherry pie, also specially made for you.

'Alright, I cannot eat another bite or I am going to burst." you laughed. "Thank you Stephane...so much for this. Two delish pies of perfection."

"I am just happy to see you smile."

"Well, that's because of you. I...I am really happy that I will be staying here for awhile with you. I know I have to go back to Mirkwood at some point...for Legolas. I know he misses Leean and they shouldn't be separated. But, I have a feeling it's going to be quite some time before I can go back. It is far too dangerous right now."

"Jo...I..I don't ever want you to leave. I know you must...but...I..I will never see you. It is not like Mirkwood is just down the road. It's miles away."

"Stephane, when all of this is over and it's safe, I can travel to see you and you can even come see me. We could rotate months." you jested, but Stephane didn't laugh. Instead, he quietly got up to go get another drink, his hand trembling as he poured it.

"Steph, it will be alright? It's only a few days travel. I can hitch a ride with Bard on his deliveries. I will always want to see you. You...you mean a lot to me and you're always here for me when I need you."

Narcisse guzzled his whiskey and then sat down in another chair as he rubbed his hand over his face, obviously upset....and then...he just broke down crying.

You didn't know what was happening or what to do. This was so unlike Narcisse. The tough and strong warlock you knew was now merely a lost little boy, but you of all people knew one could only be strong for so long when the world was crumbling around you.

Slowly, you approached him with compassion. When he realized you were standing before him, he stopped his tears and rolled his embarrassed glistening eyes up to you.

You knelt down and took his tear soaked face into your hands.

"Stephane, sweetheart. What is it?" you softly asked as your concerned eyes studied his.

"Jo...I..I know this is not like me...but...I cannot keep this inside any longer."

His hand raised to your cheek, stroking your hair behind your ear.

"Ok? Talk to me. You can tell me anything. I am here for you as you always are for me."

Narcisse closed his eyes and sighed, then lightly traced your lips with his fingertips.

"Jo...that rare jewel I once told you I have yet to see of love? I found it...I....I...love you..."

Your eyes widened and you found yourself speechless, except for the small gasp that escaped your lips.

"You...do not have to say anything Jo. I just needed you to know....and I...I don't want you to go away. I've never felt this way and I am terrified of losing you..."

You still couldn't speak as you gazed into his sincerely love filled eyes of teary blue. Instead, you found yourself pulling his lips to yours.

@redeemer46

youtube

22 notes · View notes

trelkez · 1 year ago

Text

Me watching Ted Lasso 3.11:

I truly thought the last few episodes of the show had broken any remaining faith I had in its storytelling, but no. The second scene of this episode: that broke any remaining faith I had in Ted Lasso's storytelling. This season is NOT GOOD. And yet: are they going to make my OT3 canon? Are they?

I'm going to process Ted Lasso 3.11 (mostly) the way I did last week, by doing a rewatch and taking everything in order as it happens. The show's writing is so incoherent at this point that I'm not going to attempt to impose order on it; things just occur. This is the way.

1. Ted's Mom

I spent the entire opening credit sequence mentally reviewing every Ted/Trent fic I've ever read that had some kind of take on Ted's mom – and realizing that whatever we were about to get wasn't going to be as interesting as anything I'd read in fic, because this season is hell-bent on the idea that all conflict can be washed away in the space of a single conversation.

Remember when I would've just been excited to finally meet Ted's mom? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

2. Jade hates working with her boyfriend

And who can blame her? This woman has one thing, and that is working at Taste of Athens. Come on, Nate, get your own thing!

3. "We want you to come back to Richmond."

So, okay.

I've already written pretty extensively on how badly handled Nate's redemption arc has been. This has been a problem all season long; before I moved back to Tumblr, I was writing small, irate tweets about it.

Let's go back and look at some of the things I said during and after season 2:

2.07: Nate - his characterization has been really consistent: he's always been a jerk to Will, he uses his power over others to belittle them to make himself feel better, he conflates being assertive with being aggressive, this stuff was in s1 too

post-s2, 1/3: the show put a lot of work into showing Nate punching down, his growing narcissism, the ways feeling underappreciated makes him cruel to others and himself; I don't think we're meant to take away that being denied a Nespresso machine justifies a heel turn

post-s2, 2/3: Nate's history with women as shown is not great - when he thinks he's fired he immediately calls Rebecca a shrew; "perhaps you'd like to give me your number, too" to Jade the hostess as soon as he feels like he can order her around; kissing Keeley at all

post-s2, 3/3: when he kissed Keeley I was like, sure, this tracks; (for him) it becoming solely about him being mad that it wasn't enough to get Roy's attention also tracks. but the rest ... and some of the media takeaway ... is weird to me. is this relatable content?? should it be?

What gets me about all of this is that sometimes, this season has almost convinced me that Nate leaking the panic attack story to Trent was just a weak moment for which an otherwise lovable guy should be forgiven – but the evidence isn't there. They were so consistent in how they built up Nate's fall; they seeded that in as far back as season one. They signaled it through hair color! They unfolded it piece by piece, in a deliberate, escalating spiral from which there ultimately was no last-minute escape.

And then we get to season three, and two seasons of careful character building immediately becomes meaningless. Season three's Nate is a different person. This entire season is taking place in an alternate universe. And there's no reason they had to do that, because they had an entire twelve-episode season of increasingly long episodes in which to slowly but surely make Nate a better person! Time for him to learn a series of important lessons that tie into past behavior; time for him to slowly reconcile with his father; time for him to grow without erasing the person he had always been. Time to build him up into a better version of himself.

Instead, this is what we have. And even then, some of the most important parts of the story of Nate's redemption have happened off-screen. Nate quitting off-screen last week was truly shocking; the team discussing Nate's situation, deciding to forgive him, and voting on whether or not to invite him back – that happening off-screen is unforgivable. The West Ham storyline has, thus far, mattered so little to this season that maybe (.......maybe) we can say that severing ties with Rupert wasn't a key part of his journey, even though that's absurd, but Nate's return to Richmond is everything. That's the whole ballgame.

For Colin to be part of the welcoming committee is truly fucking egregious. Even this very season, Colin is still repeating his affirmation from therapy as he actively works on building up his self-confidence – something Nate deliberately tried to destroy. At no point did I imagine that a one-on-one with Colin wasn't going to be part of Nate's apology tour. But now – one sprig of lavender for Will, and that's all it takes? Nate's treatment of Colin isn't going to be addressed at all?

This is the same team that collected red cards like candy against West Ham after Roy and Beard showed them the video of Nate ripping up the "believe" sign. Remember the power walk of fury past Nate to open the second half of that game? Why do they now suddenly want him back? Because they heard he was working in a restaurant and felt sorry for him? Because they heard he apologized to Will and decided that was enough? At this point, I genuinely think the writers didn't know how that conversation would go, so they skipped over it. If you aren't sure how to get the team back on Nate's side, just have it happen off-screen; then it doesn't matter how it happened, only that it did. If you only tell and never show, you can make anything happen without having to get from A to B.

All of this mess, all of this time, and we don't get to be in the room as the team reaches some kind of closure on everything Nate did.

4. "Richmond have won fifteen matches in a row. With two games left, you're just four points off Manchester City for the Premier League title."

Thanks for expositing all of that, Reporter Guy. If it weren't for the occasional infodump, we'd never know what was going on in the team's season! Exposition Characters, you're the true heroes.

5. "That goal is a lie. It should be retracted from the record. I apologize to everyone, especially the kids."

If they had kept to this kind of funny-but-alarming tone without going too overboard on it, Jamie's pre-Manchester depressive episode would've been a lot more effective.

I know this show can handle depression, anxiety, and parent-induced stress in a thoughtful way and balance that with tonally appropriate comedy, but can it do that … anymore?

6. Ted's ever-increasing mom stress

To that end: the way they built up Ted being so put out his mother was in town, I thought for sure we were going to find out he had been dodging her calls about something (was Michelle getting married after all?) and this would reveal whatever it was to the audience.

I think – I think – that the actual intended effect here is to underscore that Ted ran an entire continent away from his problems and all of his unprocessed trauma, and having all of that catch up to him without warning triggered a stress cascade resulting in the meltdown we'll get at the end. But if that's the intention, what this episode really underscores is that they simply do not know how to handle this sort of storyline anymore. Dottie Lasso is lovely and entertaining and you definitely can look at her and see where Ted comes from, but the Ted parts of this story are about as nuanced as a sledgehammer on concrete.

7. "Trent, your hair is fabulous. It really is. It's just stylin'."

I never thought that Trent would actually meet Ted's mother in the show. I can't wait to see what fic writers do with this. (Please don't get discouraged by however the show ends and walk away, fic writers! We need you now, tonight. We need you more than ever.)

8. Van Damme's mask

This is officially more follow-up on a previous episode's subplot than we have had about almost any other subplot this entire season, and it's about one of the most disposable stories they've told.

9. OT3 Watch: "Shouting is Roy's love language."

Does Trent ship it? One of us, one of us.

10. OT3 Watch: Jamie crying on Roy

There's a lot about this scene I loved, so let's take a break for positivity! That sounds nice, doesn't it?

Jamie bursting into tears and then, when asked what's wrong, saying, "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know": intensely relatable. He's already in tears as he walks into the boot room, just barely holding it in, and the second Roy pushes him to toughen up (in general), he loses it, because of course he does: he's dreading another trauma at the hands of his abusive dad, in the hometown that hates him. It makes perfect sense for Jamie to be having a serious depressive episode, and it is entirely in character for him to describe that as "I don't use any conditioner anymore, because what's the fucking point."

This is one thing this season has done well, with patience and consistency: it's believable for Jamie to break down crying on Roy because they put the time in to get these two to that point. Last season, it was a big fucking deal when Roy hugged Jamie. This season, if Jamie is going to cry on anyone, of course it's going to be Roy.

That said: I think it was a mistake to go quite so hard on playing this for laughs. Depression and trauma absolutely can be mined for comedy. "Do you think a depressed person could make this?" works because it's still Ben Wyatt, it's just Depressed Ben Wyatt. Jamie smushing Roy's face around as Phil Dunster gives it his absolute best comedy wailing sob doesn't … feel like Jamie? It just feels like comedy. If the moment isn't organic to the character, probably it needed a rewrite.

"It probably needed a rewrite," the Ted Lasso season three story. – Then again, I wonder all the time how much of this season's problems are due to the infamous production-halting Jason Sudeikis rewrites, so … maybe not? Maybe this season needed fewer rewrites and more Bill Lawrence? Who can say.

("Will, you missed a good one" is a great closing note for the series-long gag of overheard emotional scenes in the boot room. If they do another one in the finale, they'll have overshot it.)

11. "Hey, Roy, would it bother you if we brought Nate back?" / "No, I don't give a fuck."

At this point, I briefly stopped watching.

I went back to 2.12 to see if Roy knows that Nate was the source for the panic attack story: as of that episode, as far as I can tell, he doesn't.

I went to 3.04 to see if there was any indication during the West Ham episode that Roy had figured it out by then, but that episode focuses on the "believe" sign, which everyone but Ted seems to be finding out about for the first time.

Roy doesn't know that Nate actively tried to ruin Ted. (Does it make any sense for Roy to not have done the math when he was in the room when Ted opened up to the coaches about his panic attacks? Probably not, but that appears to be the canon.) He does know what Nate was like, particularly toward the end; he knows that Nate abandoned ship for West Ham; he knows that Nate ripped the sign, and he used that to turn the entire team against Nate for the West Ham game; and perhaps most importantly, Roy is not especially known as an easygoing, forgiving guy.

This is a man who carried a devastating news clipping around in his wallet for his entire career and beyond. A guy who couldn't hug Jamie in celebration until he headbutted him to make them even. This is Roy Kent, who is known even by people who don't watch this show as the one with the anger issues.

And he's just – fine? To bring Nate back? He holds no grudges? Roy Kent? We're really going to have Roy Kent as the voice of "yeah, whatever, I don't care" while Beard is left to fume alone?

12. "If you bring that Judas back, I will burn this place to the fucking ground."

Once again, Beard is the only one who's seen season two. And yet, this is being set up as a conflict that Beard has to set aside.

Has Nate apologized to Ted at this point? No. Was Nate an increasingly toxic presence in the locker room last season? Yes. Do they have any knowledge of his coaching style at West Ham that we're aware of that would suggest that he's had a major personality change? No. Are they currently on a fifteen-game winning streak without Nate? Yes. Are there only two games left in the season? Yes.

Is there any reason to bring Nate back at this point? No. And Beard, who has been the only one all season long who has retained any emotional awareness of past events, is only allowed to have that awareness so that it can be used as a justifying force for Nate's return.

I support you, Beard. This is all some bullshit. You should be allowed to be pissed about it.

13. Nora!

Is Rebecca's aside about Nora telling her to stop using her private jet the closest we're going to get to a Nora appearance this season? There's still time for her to pop up in the finale, but that seems unlikely.

14. OT3 Watch: Keeley checking in on Jamie

I was on the fence about whether or not they were going too hard on humor with Jamie's depression until "a suitcase is a drawer without a home … wahh." This is the best they could do for depression comedy? This is a comedy series that did an entire season about depression!! Phil Dunster really is doing his best in this episode, but not even he could elevate that line.

I do like the general concept of Roy going to Keeley for help with Jamie, only for Keeley to make it all worse. Roy being better at comforting Jamie is conceptually very funny. Writing dialogue that does justice to a story outline is tricky, isn't it? Mm.

15. Sam and Rebecca???

Are they doing this, or are they just going to tease it every single episode? Are Sam and Rebecca endgame? Surely not, right. If it were endgame, wouldn't we have gotten into the meat of it a lot sooner than … the finale?

If you know a Tedbecca shipper, maybe give them a warm cookie this week, because this episode did not move that anywhere promising.

(My money is still on Houseboat Guy popping up out of nowhere.)

16. OT3 Watch: Jamie and Keeley follow Jamie home

If this is the first time Keeley is meeting Jamie's mom, that means – he never took her home when they were dating?

Roy staring in absolute slack-jawed shock at Jamie and his mom cuddling on the couch is me. Roy is me. Setting aside for a moment just how much is going on there, I never would have guessed that Jamie had a relationship like this with a mom who was still in the picture.

In 1.06, Jamie talks about how his mom got him into football and supported him but probably wouldn't be proud of him lately; in 3.06, we hear about a trip they took to Amsterdam when he was a teenager. Is that … it? Have there been other references to his mom? In 2.08, when Richmond plays Manchester City, there is a lot about his dad but no reference to his mom that I remember. The show is so laser-focused on Jamie's dad that I assumed his mother, whether dead or estranged or somehow unwell, wasn't an active force in his life in the present day.

This is a show about dads. They've told us that in interviews all along. Ted's dad, Nate's dad, Jamie's dad, Sam's dad, Rebecca's dad, even a whiff of Trent's dad; Ted's relationship with his son, even Phoebe's relationship with her Uncle Roy. We see Nate's mom, but that is almost entirely about Nate's relationship with his dad. The only characters who get to have meaningful ongoing not-about-dads onscreen relationships with their mothers are Rebecca and Nora, which is … weirdly gendered?

But now, with the curtain about to drop on this show, they're doing a Mom Episode. We get two moms we've never met before dropped on us in one hour. We know almost nothing about these moms, because they've never been made central to the story in a way everyone's dads have been; and here, in an episode titled "Mom City," their stories are still mostly about each character's relationship with his dad.

Even so, those stories need to fit into what we know about Ted and Jamie. "I love meeting people's moms. It's like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts," right? Ted and Jamie's moms, introduced here at the eleventh hour, should shine a light on things we already know about these characters and make us think, "this explains so much."

Does Jamie's mom actually explain anything we already knew about Jamie? Does it actually make sense for Jamie to have had, all this time, a sweet, supportive mom available for hugs on demand, or does this just create a lot of new questions the show doesn't have time to answer? I don't think Jamie's mom as we meet her (or his future GBBO star baker stepdad) are fully outside the realm of possibility for his character, but we could've had more time to untangle all of this if they had spent as much time on Jamie's mom as they did on his dad. Instead, I'm left with: you're telling me Jamie Tartt isn't actually touch-starved? Jamie Tartt?

You're telling me Jamie's mom watches all of his matches … but has never been to one? Jamie's mom got him into football and drove him to all of his practices, but he's playing right down the street and she's watching from home? Jamie's mom is this important to him, but never met Keeley? Jamie's mom is this important to him, and we've only ever heard about her as the reverse side of a story about Jamie's dad? There are some drop-ins you just can't make in the eleventh hour.

Also: what is going on here? I'm with Roy. Wow. Wow.

17. Jade really hates working with her boyfriend

Is this really just a way to get Nate back to Richmond? Yes. Is it nonetheless completely valid for Jade to not want to have to hear about Nate's salty nuts scheme after work hours? Also yes. You might be a girlfriend ex machina, but you are nonetheless valid, Jade.

18. OT3 Watch: Jamie's posters

*chinhands* So are they, like … are they doing this on purpose, or … no, they have to be doing it on purpose, right? Right?? Maybe it won't ever go any further than this, because even now I have a hard time imagining an OT3 becoming canon, but they are surely at least tipping their hat to it.

19: OT3 Watch: walking off arm-in-arm

Surely they aren't going to make it canon.

20. Pep????

They actually brought on Pep Guardiola for a Ted Lasso cameo? In an episode about Manchester City leading the title race, airing in the same week City won the title irl? I'm legit impressed.

21. Jamie's injury drama

This is honestly the dumbest way to generate in-game drama. Jamie goes out on injury and Ted's coaching masterstroke is to act like they've just lost a player to a red card and now have to defend a one goal lead with ten men? Just in case the training staff can shoot Jamie up with enough painkillers to let him finish the game on an injury he couldn't walk on?

I know Jamie is their star striker and all, but did Sam, Dani, and Colin suddenly lose their scoring abilities when Jamie hurt his ankle? We just had a major subplot last week about what a heater Sam has been on – did that suddenly disappear? Does this team have no ability to adjust to the loss of a player? They've won fifteen straight games!! In real life, that would be one of the longest win streaks in Premier League history! No team becomes that successful without quality substitutes. Just get someone on the pitch, before Manchester fucking City takes advantage of being a man up and gets the equalizer we're told they've been on the verge of for the entire second half.

Why. This is Ted Lasso, why am I getting hung up on its football strategy? This isn't about strategy, it's about Ted and Jamie. Nothing matters except the conversation they're about to have on the sideline. Everything else happens exclusively to allow that conversation to happen. The football is just set dressing. None of this matters.

It's just so dumb, though. God.

22. Jade hates working with her boyfriend so much

Truly next level of her to blackmail her boss to get Nate fired so she can have some peace in the workplace. Does she only exist in this show to advance Nate's storyline? Yes. Is she doing this to be a Good Girlfriend? Yes. Can I ignore both of those things and pretend this is just a badass move by someone who does not care to mix her relationship and her job? Also yes.

23. Ted Lasso and forgiveness

This season's insistence on total forgiveness – that the past is the past, that holding a grudge is a moral failing or a poison of the soul – is one of its biggest flaws. Everything needs to be tied up just so. Characters can't truly grow unless they let go of whatever anger they're holding onto. In the end, everything must come around to wholesomeness and healing. As the show nears its end, it is doing everything it possibly can to wash all slates clean.

(Except, possibly, with Rupert. We'll see.)

In a void, Ted's mini-speech to Jamie about how he should forgive his dad so that he himself can heal might be – not something I would at all agree with, but fine, in that I don't have to always agree with characters on television shows and Ted is clearly doing some projecting here re: his situation with his mom. But in this broader context of what's going on with Nate, on the sideline of a game, it just feels … forced, and kind of gross. FORGIVE YOUR DAD SO YOU CAN KICK FOOTBALL. FORGIVENESS FIXES EVERYTHING. Okay, Ted Lasso. Okay.

Remember when Dr. Sharon said, "I think you [still hate your father] too, Ted, and that's okay," and they talked about the things Ted both hated and loved about his father, because it was okay for him to hold both of those things inside him at once? Where has that gone?

24. Manchester Loves Jamie

I'm not going to ask what the point of putting Jamie back on for one minute and then substituting him straight off was – do they truly have no one else who could have put them up by two? – because honestly, the City fan ovation was so unbelievable that football strategy pales in comparison. They spent an entire game booing and shit-talking him in the stands, and then he scores a goal on a wobbly foot and they suddenly realize he's Good, Actually and cheer him off? In a game that could decide the league title?

Manchester City could have won the league title right here in this game if Jamie hadn't scored that goal and the City fans cheer him off? In what universe. In what version of reality. Were there no even vaguely believable feel-good moments they could engineer for this game???

25. OT3 Watch: Roy whispering sweet nothings

They aren't going to make it canon, right??

26. Jamie's dad in rehab

This is one of the only "thing we heard nothing about and then suddenly it happens" moments where it makes sense for no one to know what's going on. It's positive growth for a shit character that I can actually get behind and believe in.

Jamie's dad is here doing the work and trying to get better. Instead of having it as an extremely brief reveal in the penultimate episode of the series, imagine if they had done this earlier and shown his dad getting out of rehab, and spent some time on Jamie deciding whether or not to forgive his dad now that his dad is sober. Emphasize the hard parts. Show them building a new relationship as different people. That would be so much more in keeping with the actual themes of this show than the magical thinking this season has engaged in.

27. Pep??????

"Don't worry about wins and losses, just help these guys be the best versions of themselves" from Pep Guardiola is THE MOST TED LASSO version of Pep Guardiola I can imagine. I cackled out loud. I threw back my head and laughed like a woman eating a salad. A+ comedy, intentional or otherwise.

28. Nate hiding under the desk

Why? Why. I mean, I get why – this humanizes everything Nate did in 2.12 and makes him seem like a pathetic guy who can't even ruin a sign right, and retcons some of the most potent parts of Nate's season two arc to make us feel empathy for him where we might not previously have; I had this issue with the rolling chair pratfall video earlier in the season, too – but it just exhausts me. They couldn't spend the time redeeming him organically, so they're rewriting what's already happened to make it seem less bad.

Going back to Ted's funeral therapy session with Dr. Sharon: remember how Ted had this deep, terrible fear of losing someone he loved because he didn't do enough to make them feel their worth, and Nate unknowingly cracked that wide open when he accused Ted of "abandoning" him? Remember how Nate could only feel important if he was the most important person in the room, so being one part of a team felt like rejection – and Nate at the absolute bottom of his spiral, having already tried to ruin Ted's life in the press, tore at him with every emotional weapon he had on hand?

Now we're going to reframe all of that as, "ahhhh, this little guy, can't even do a harm to a desk chair, look at him hide from cleaners, so sad, someone rescue him from restaurant!!"

I'm so ready for this show to end. It'll be easier to pick and choose the parts I want to hang onto once canon is closed.

29. OT3 Watch: champagne

But they aren't going to make it canon, right?????????

Honestly, get someone who looks at you the way Roy looks at Jamie here. Just incredible.

If this is the most OT3 we ever get, it'll be enough.

30. Beard's backstory

Let's pause here a moment.

As a coping mechanism for whatever the show was going to throw at me in this episode, I made myself a bingo card. Every time I got a square, I won a tiny piece of chocolate. I made some of the squares obvious hits, some of them decent possibilities, and some were wild swings at things I knew would never happen.

Earlier in this episode, I hesitated over giving myself the "Beard Backstory" square for Beard and Dottie having nicknames for each other, wondering if that qualified as our Beard backstory for the episode. And then … Beard showed up at Nate's door.

In that moment, I truly felt I had cursed myself with this bingo card. Don't invite possibilities you aren't willing to see play out on-screen, I think is the lesson here?

"Just like in Les Mis." – Nate, and all of us

I really don't know how to feel about this Beard backstory. In theory, I have no issue with Beard having a backstory about being incarcerated for meth and Ted helping him out afterward, but in practice, I'm not sure it makes any sense whatsoever. Beard has a record that no one knows about? He's been an assistant coach in the Premier League for three seasons and it's never popped up in the Daily Mail that he was in prison on a drug conviction? I know in the real world Ted wouldn't be allowed to coach Richmond to begin with, but just how far into fantasyland are we?

(I also have some questions about the "and then I stole his car" twist. What exactly are the writers trying to say here about people freshly out of prison? He had a difficult re-entry, totally understood; he found a place to land, and immediately turned back to crime? Should they maybe have spent a little more time unpacking this story before they made it canon?)

All of that aside, I'm not sure I really wanted a Beard backstory. For the entire run of this show to date, Beard has been something of a Ted-adjacent cryptid with a very clear personality but relatively opaque motivations, whose history we've learned about through wildly random drop-ins that always raise more questions than they answer. He's a guy who roams the city at night and collects subcultures like stamps. He's in an eternally tortured relationship with a manic pixie nightmare girl who somehow suits him perfectly. His devotion to Ted has never, ever been in doubt.

I just don't think it actually rounds out the character of Beard to know exactly where he's coming from and why he's with Ted. The mystery is part of the character. Introducing an in-depth backstory in the penultimate episode of the entire show feels … kind of cheap? I would completely understand if other people felt it was long overdue and are happy to get it before the end, but to me, pulling back the curtain feels like a misunderstanding of what makes Beard a great character. We don't need to see the man behind the curtain. Being able to wildly speculate about what makes Beard Beard is a big part of his appeal.

And to drop this in as a plot mechanism for bringing Nate back into the fold – to make this significant change to a major character as a shortcut on Nate's mismanaged path to redemption – I'm just so tired.

This whole thing where Ted emotionally manipulated Beard into forgiving Nate by invoking Ted's own past assistance to Beard – I'm not sure that comes across the way they think it does. Ted wants everyone around him to forgive Nate and the only one who isn't willing to do it is Beard, so Ted forces the issue by hitting Beard where it hurts to get Beard to project his own past trauma onto Nate's situation. Does Ted really think that Beard stealing his car is equivalent to Nate putting his mental health history on the front page of every newspaper in London? Even if he does, why does he think it's fair to Beard to pull out Beard's trauma like a trump card?

31. Fuck you, Mom!!

What was Ted's relationship with his mother back home, that she comes to visit him in London and within 48 hours, everything he's been holding onto for years comes boiling out of him in a series of F-bombs borrowed from Jamie Tartt? What was their dynamic like in Kansas, that the minute she shows up his shoulders go up around his ears and he can't handle anyone he cares about liking her at all?

Is this happening now because Ted unlocked all of this in therapy? Is it happening now because he's been away from her for so long? Was he not visiting her on those trips to Kansas? Is it the change in setting – having her in London, in his space, meeting his people?

This whole "thank you / fuck you" speech feels overcooked at best, well-acted as it is, and it veers into some really incoherent areas. When Ted tapped his chest, I thought, "oh god, is he impotent in his soul?" Honestly, that would have made more sense than Ted saying he's afraid to get close to his son because "I know he's going to leave."

Yes, Ted is afraid of losing people, but we know because Ted has said so in therapy that his response to that fear is to pull people closer in. To try to make people feel wanted, feel valued, feel good about themselves.

In Ted and Henry's relationship, if Ted has projected his dad onto anyone, it's been himself. If there is a monster under the bed here, it is Ted's fear of turning into his dad, of having the potential for that inside him. That line would have made 110% more sense if it had been, "I'm afraid I'm going to leave," even if we would have had a lot more to unpack on-screen at that point. As it is, it's just – kind of nonsense?

Did they feel like they had to pull out some extra motivation for Ted having been in London all of this time? They didn't. The degree to which they are trying way too hard in some areas and not at all in others sure is something.

32. I've read this fic

Rebecca and Bex? Yeah, I've definitely read this fic. That "Bex divorces Rupert and takes West Ham" square on my bingo card is going to reappear next week.

33. "Do you know what time it is?"

"It's the time of the season when we do X" is a little too much meta self-awareness for me, and the "I'm going to invoke truth bombs as a concept but I don't actually have one" is clunky execution to set up Ted's cliffhanger line, but the staging: flawless. In seasons one and two, Rebecca comes into Ted's office and stands on the left of the frame, facing right. In season three, Ted is the one who comes into the office and stands on the left, reversing their positions both physically and narratively. That kind of attention to detail is A+.

(I wish they gave that much attention to the plot, but I'll take it where I can get it.)

What's next?

One more episode left to cram in everything they could possibly want to do with this show! We're on a real run here of episodes that cram in abrupt resolutions to ongoing stories while also dropping in a ton of new elements we don't have time to explore, and I wouldn't expect the finale to be all that different.

- Before 3.11, I thought the chances of Ted going back to Kansas were 85% for, 15% against. Now … I think it might actually be closer to 75% for, 25% against?

This episode pushed so hard on sending Ted back to Kansas, and we're being set up in that cliffhanger for him telling Rebecca he's quitting after the season ends, and – there's still an entire finale to go. Will the episode just be one long goodbye, or will there be some last-minute twist to keep him in London? I think the chances of him staying in London are actually slightly better now that the "I'm going back to Kansas" twist isn't being held for the end. Still pretty unlikely, though.

I say again: if he goes back to Kansas, fine, we can fix that in post. If he goes back to Michelle, I'm turning this car around.

- Every social media feed I have has been frantic with speculation as to whether or not they're going to make the OT3 canon in the finale. My money is on Not Canon – I think a wink and a nod at it is as much as they're going to do – but I'll be happy with anything that isn't a flash-forward in which Jamie has a girlfriend. Just let us walk off arm-in-arm-in-arm with room to speculate, show.

- So Nate goes back to Richmond, Ted leaves, and Nate becomes head coach, right? Just like we could pretty easily guess was going to happen before this season even started? There's still a chance of a surprise shake-up there, but I'd put it at, like … 5%. A 5% chance of this not going in the most predictable possible direction.

- If Ted leaves, does Beard stay or does he go? He stays, right? If they try to convince us that Jane is dying to move to Kansas, I'll have to Eternal Sunshine the entire finale from my memory banks.

- I am very much hoping for a thoughtful farewell with the pub trio. They've earned it.

- It's West Ham they're going to be playing in the last game, right? If Nate's West Ham storyline is going to have any meaning, he has to go up against his old team with his old old team in the last game of the season while Rupert's drama plays out in close-up.

There should also be some simultaneous game drama happening with Manchester City. They were four points down before this game, so on the final day of league play, they'll be one point down. If City wins, they win the title. If City draws or loses and Richmond wins, Richmond wins the title. If City loses and Richmond draws, then … actually, there could be interesting last-minute drama if they're trying to break through on goal differential, but I don't think the show would go that far into technicalities. Richmond has to win, right? They aren't going to send the show off on anything less.

Five days until we're free!

#ted lasso #ted lasso meta #episode reactions

38 notes · View notes