#now i can go to sleep peacefully

[brainjvice]

Yapping about Kaiser (again)

No because I was thinking about Kaiser's narcissistic traits and how fucking SPOT ON they are its insane.

The hierarchy. The fact kaiser thinks in hierarchies. And its shown pretty explicitly via that one panel of noa and isagi on the stairs and Kaiser looking at them from below after his delusions got shattered.

That + him perceiving(!) Ness as a dog because he is inferior in his hierarchy scale.

And this is such a dismissed trait yet it's The most important when it comes to how narcissistic people navigate interpersonal relationships.

There's always someone inferior. There may be someone superior, too. Unless you're delusional enough. Then you're actually God.

And to think Ness is the main enabler* of those "delusions", esp when it comes to grandiosity, another narcissistic trait Kaiser displays.

*specifying i am not victim blaming Ness

Without Kaiser taking advantage of his fragility, without Ness grabbing onto the single spark that Kaiser had shown him (via... calling him a loser? Lmfao), the kaiser-centric system in bm would not exist.

So Kaiser went from being dismissed by the whole team due to his antisocial behavior/inability to navigate the "human" world to being praised non-stop and considered the fundamental player in their team.

Considering how Kaiser has never received love or recognition beforehand, he got lost in it and got greedy. Kaiser pre chara development is just your local feral stray cat who you adopted and now believes he is the king of the house. I seriously do not blame him for that ngl.

(Esp since he Is a good player. So his delusions werent actually that delusional yk.)

He does think he is The shit though, except at the time he was a v static player. He got too comfortable in the security of ness' passes, too dependent on it, which made his game more predictable and didn't let him evolve to reach his full potential.

I think, with time, his grandiosity may fade a bit, since to me it was strictly linked to Ness and the kaiser-centric system used by BM. That + it is a double edged sword, since it actually slows you down into becoming your better self. If you alreadythibk you're the greatest, there's not much room left for development.

And Kaiser is smart and is actually quite self conscious enough to not fall in past mistakes, not now that he has finally gotten the grasps of how to become a better player. He is a pro when it comes to survival, after all.

So yeah, grandiosity is def not Kaiser's main trait imo. The hierarchy, his callousness and his sadism (his malice) are probably more "pronounced" in his personality, although neither callousness nor sadism are inherently linked to narcissism.

Now, as I just said, sadism is common in people who display narcissistic behaviour but its not inherently narcissistic. It may be linked to antisociality, as well as trauma or repressed rage.

Kaiser, who's been unable to react to his father's abuse for YEARS, has, in fact, more than a decade worth of repressed rage. Except – once again – he does not rebel to whom he considers stronger/superior in his hierarchy.

In this case he sorta acts like your typical bully. Can't react towards an "authority" so he picks on weaker/inferior people. Kaiser feasts on them. But of course, there's no satisfaction into crushing npcs, yk. Hence all that disney villain type of monologue about how Isagi was finally big enough to devour (gay methinks, but thats not the point). Again. Big enough to get the sadistic satisfaction of crushing him but not too big, at least in Kaiser's mind.

(Except karma is a bitch and so is Isagi.)

Also. Can I say that I love how when Kaiser is not masking, he is the literal definition of the person standing emoji. Which is kinda funny but its actually so fucking real. Whoever has experienced dissociation, depersonalisation or derealization knows the drill. And dissociative disorders are sooo so common when it comes to trauma, esp when it comes to physical abuse. Kaiser's perception of his own body is probably so messed up. He got beat up till he bled like almost every day. Kaiser's body was for his father to use as a punching ball for YEARS. Since he was a CHILD.

So, of course, the second kaiser got actual autonomy on his body (for the first time ever!!!) he asked for a tattoo. Because now he gets to customise it as a way to make it his own.

It's his body now.

Also, his lack of empathy/callousness absolutely comes from trauma. Living in a violent environment, being forced to use your reptilian brain 24/7 does not do well to a child, and definitely doesn't help the correct development of certain parts of your brain when it comes to emotions. And Kaiser is still on survival mode.

Tbh. Kaiser's cptsd is severe and deeply intertwined in his personality and how he acts and lives. Even the hierarchy trait is strictly linked to his childhood: eat or get eaten. His father treated him like an extension of himself, a worthless object.

His ability to read people and to recognise Ness as easy prey probably comes from when he used to steal from people. You know, you need to learn quickly how to spot certain patterns and find the perfect victim to rob. He is used to analyse and read people. He just lacked the ability to manipulate since his experiences with people were limited.

I'm gonna be honest he would be a difficult patient to properly diagnose, considering his backstory. C-ptsd is the only thing I'm certain of.

((I think if his mental state ever becomes a nuisance in Kaiser's plan to become his best version, he would resort to therapy.))

((Much to think about but now im tired so i will end this here))

[f1version]

“2026. Very happy. Big smile 😁”

[futurewdclandonorris]

P4 FOR MY NUMBER FOUR 🫶🫶🫶🫶

[0ann3]

I saw the tsum tsum stack or whatever it is that they did, and my heart just went AAAAAAHHHH-

It's so cute and then I thought of drawing this ToT

Did it as fast as I can since I still gotta study for something-

[krislgfox]

• v •

Butcher vanity Simon, so real

Edit: fixed some lil mistakes that was bothering me a lot ><

[cheesomancer]

Oh! It was a mushroom trap after all. Full version is here! 💛

[necrotic-nephilim]

Hey there, are you ok?

hey! thank you for checking up on me, this was really sweet!

i SWEAR i did not die. i just got a bit busy doing SladeRobin Week (which i will finish so help me god-) as well as things in my real life. i'm still trying to find the balance of like. fandom creation and working. i am very lucky to have the living situation that i do rn, but it is the sort of schedule where i do have to be ready to watch a baby at really any given point so. it's a tricky balance right now, but i'm going to be active here again! maybe not as many asks answered a day as before, but i want to try to answer like, a few a day and whatnot.

i also think i got briefly overwhelmed, in that i got more asks faster than i answered them. which is the opposite of a problem and something i'm very lucky for! but it did make it difficult for me to keep up and know what to answer next. (this is *not* a discouragement to sending asks! i love them all and pls send as many as you want! i just am a little slow sometimes so i appreciate the patience! <3)

so! i'm back and i'm good, ty for asking! we are back to the regularly scheduled programming <3

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 4.5 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8

If this looks rushed yes it is /j

[boxwinebaddie]

uncle neen!!! welcome back omg i was so sad to see u disappear </3 hyh !!! i had a question i asked last time but i was wondering since ur rewriting ur fics, are u planning on posting them on tumblr? or on ao3? pls be kind to urself too<33

good MORNING, lovie!!!!~ <3 c':

( or whatever time it is, where you are at the moment! )

i'm very excited to announce that you are my very FIRST new ask message on my brand new blog!

( teri is my first follower; ly ter. <33 o//3//o )

***long overdue UN ramble-bramble under the cut. xx

i /do/ miss my six hundred bajillion ask memes and am mourning the loss of all my online creations and great joys as a deranged southpark fanfiction author and the legacy i built with my tiny, gay weird hands

( i will go into it another time, but i had a very, very frightening bipolar episode surrounding my blog and my role on here as a writer, friend and mentor to you all, deleted all my things in a horrible panic, was able to recover them...but in the -- what i hope is the *very last* -- after shock of my episode...i got very scared, very sad and deleted both my dearly treasured and beloved, beautifully cult followed by many of you and other ghosts of sp style fanatics past ao3 account**

**( with peppermint on it at 13k likes which...oh my god, please be gentle with me, that was a very, very hard blow and rough realization for me and i am sorry to everyone who loved that fanfiction and wanted to go back and read it for posperity and personal comfort...i miss her too; rest in peace, pep, my first born. my sweet girl. </3 )

...and most tragically of all, i deleted my tumblr blog, with over one hundred pages of carefully curated content surrounding my sp aus, your lovely, insightful and thoughtful questions and inquiries, also typed with your tiny, weird gay hands answered, in turn, with mine, torched the ev. of those memories in the final blast and lost my window into your world through that medium...

...which is literally heartbreaking to me, because more than even my silly fanfictions or my blog, what i loved to do, was talk to all of you and read your wonderful messages each day and remind myself of why i should be here and continue to do what i do. </333 :'''c

BUT! my darlings, as ravenstan would say, 'it's always darkest before crimson dawn', for the very first time in several weeks ( which, i fear, and i was, full of fear and horrible self loathing/dread every waking and nightmarish moment ), last night, i cried for a very, very, very, long time, held myself together in the broken places -- told myself and the girl i was that i loved her and i was going to take care of us and be brave -- and broke the fever ( a little off key like jersey kyle, but very lovely nonetheless; love you tone deaf king. x my sboyf. )

today, i woke up this morning and slept...PEACEFULLY and woke up PERFECTLY HAPPY AND RESTED...

AND SMILED. QUITE. WIDE!!!!~ :D

and that is a baby step, but it is a step in the right direction and also almost wanted to make me weep like a baby again because i literally have not felt happy or like i do not hate myself for like, i shit you not, over like 15-20 days...it was frightening and fucking horrible! SLAY!

nevertheless ( or the most, finally ) i am excited to welcome in a new era/year of change on my blog and within myself; which is an era of peppermint flavored 'hope i'm healing' in a delicious rem(ember) font.

unfortunately, because i nuked my ao3 account, i do not currently one atm, but am in the process of recovering it.

( i'm not condoning any kind of rude/uncivilized behavior bc people are allowed to do anything they want -- but i'd really like to get my user back and would appreciate it a lot if no one used it to create another ao3 account just because it would be confusing for my readers and disheartening to me to not be boxwinebaddie anymore. )

until then, i will be writing/drafting rem(ember) in my messy google docs, am storyboarding everything to the best of my ability ( which is not perfect, but nothing is -- except stan and kyle to each other -- but god loves a trier, which is why he hates me: i prefer hell where it's drier -- that way my girlfail guylinea will not run. xx )

KALE SEITAN! ;)

posting little snippets of it on here for all of you, probably put it here on my tumblr and post it up to ao3 if i can regain my account/one in general ( i am a little worried that because of how long it's been, the loss of all my followers and, what i assume, is a decreased public or tiktok generated interest in sp, it will do poorly; rip </3 )

-- but the point is...that i want to start doing stuff for myself now. and not because i think i should or create unnecessary stress/sadness surrounding my strength or weakness as a writer or person ( or like, beat the living shit out of myself every single day anymore )...

...so i am writing it slowly, carefully, synthesizing all the info i gathered from over a year of answering your questions ( which helped me develop my sp au styles and their worlds into the lovely, seemingly breathing paper machslayed things they are now ), am going to write the fanfiction i always/wanted/ to write ( i’ve always wanted to rewrite RM, but was so busy and overwhelmed with my blog/my irl stuff that i couldn't )

and i'm calling it...

<3

p.s. ( i love you ): i am going to give my grandmother a copy of the first chapter of peppermint for christmas because i wanted to do something special/sentimental for her and secretly push the gay middle school style agenda ( she is actually very woke and thought my uncle might be gay for a while when he was younger, haha xx ), but i want to give them different names, so that on the off chance it gets passed off to my mom, my dad or manages to travel by world of mouth ( my grandma has a tendency to gab, but i love her a lot ) that it can't specifically be traced back to my dead ao3 or my blog.

so if any one has any ideas for silly interesting names i could give my sons, names for other characters or south park in gen. hit me up! <33

thank you for your interest in my work -- and in me, in general. i love you all dearly, i hope you heal ( i know you will ) and smile, pendejos because got a lot coming up on that crimson dawn and a lot of crazy shit coming down on that *jersey i won't say i'm in luh megara vc*

~SCHARLET sLUt~

cheers! mazel! ;) xx

-uncle nina, in her healing era <3

[calamitys-child]

Maybe this'll be a poem eventually maybe its just on the ceiling but. I'm once again struck by the idea that we are visible in the springtime, you will see us all the ever-lengthening day; we remember as the winter snaps shut round us, because every breath, every proof of life is crystalline and irrefutable in freezing air.

[iniziare]

Tag drop: Aventurine.

[hwas]

ATEEZ TICKETS ARE SECURED ✅

[just-slightly-chayotic]

Jeff Satur as my favourite reaction images (1/?)

[mistercage-archive]

unlocked his rift outfit .

[jascurka]

ritshou

[cuntwrap--supreme]

My dog has been having senior moments, such as randomly forgetting what she's doing or trying to walk into a street, and I've been calling her "Mr. President" when it happens.

Like, "No, Mr. President, we can't walk into oncoming traffic. That's how we get killed!"