audreyrose7

[audreyrose7]

Since I work in restaurants I feel like it needs to be said,

People that work in restaurants are PEOPLE

Just like somebody that works at a grocery store is a PERSON

Or somebody at a gas station is a PERSON

People have feelings! People try to do their job well, (you know the job that they show up for every day so that you can show up and get your comfort food in 3 minutes or less? Like? It's really not too much to get a please or thank you or to answer a question without being rude, seriously the amount of times a coworker has come back from a drive-thru literally in tears because of a rude customer is insane)

Basically put a person behind a fucking counter and somehow it dehumanizes the person behind it according to the customer, like what the fuck?

Maybe I've just been marred by my own experience, and I can't like unsee it but restaurant will work can be very grueling, it's a very thankless job it's hard to find a decent manager coworkers can be a pain it's always fast-paced, so like as a customer the literal LEAST you can do is just be a kind decent person.

The lack of basic manners and being a decent person when it comes to the way customers treat restaurant workers in my experience is abysmal, we're not even talking about how badly people don't tip their servers (very often people that work in the kitchen can accept tips too, and I highly encourage you do that because nine times out of 10 kitchen crew are barely scraping by)

[audreyrose7]

i highly recommend for women and girls to be intellectually curious and difficult to shame

[audreyrose7]

[audreyrose7]

Yeah I'm actually done respecting Christianity.

I'll start respecting it when Christians start respecting other people.

When Christians are actually okay with the fact that some people don't believe what they believe.

When Christians stop telling gay people that they're going to hell.

When Christians stop trying to control everyone.

When Christians just ease the fuck up and realize that they aren't the center of everything, other people are going to think and believe differently than them and live their lives differently than them and that's the whole point!

I'll respect Christianity when it proves to be something worth respecting.

[audreyrose7]

I was chatting with the BF today when the silliest realization hit me, being a Christian I felt like I was part of some huge magnificent plan and even though I'm small and a significant I still felt important because I belong to God, that's where I put my importance as a person. That's where I put my value. And now as an atheist I'm realizing, what is the meaning to life? How do you have a good life? What does that look like?

And I'm realizing the secret to having a good life is to having good days, and then those good days turn into weeks those weeks turn of the months and those years turn into years, and next thing you know you're dangerously happy for a very long time! And the simplest way to have Happy Days is to fill them with soft comfortable things, clean sheets, chocolate, coffee, lots of self-care, video games are comfort shows, spending time with people who matter, I don't know why this is a shocking realization to me, it shouldn't be!

It's just such a mind shift from OH MY GOD I BELONG TO GOD AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS I SHOULD SUFFER FOR HIM ETC to WAIT WHAT ACTUALLY IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS? AM I A WRONG PERSON FOR TREATING MYSELF? JUST THINKING ABOUT MYSELF FIRST A SIN? WHAT DOES HAPPINESS ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE?

(it's crazy that for so long I put literally all of my self-worth as a person into what other people thought of me and how comfortable and happy other people were and now to realize that first and foremost I need to think that way about myself and everybody else can fuck off I can't take care of other people at the expense of my own sanity, it's just the WHIRLWIND of how insanely 180 that is from everything else I used to believe is insane)

[audreyrose7]

the best time to consume media is like 5 years after its peak popularity

[audreyrose7]

God isn't real.

Hell is made up.

Being gay isn't wrong.

Kindness is all that matters.

The freedom of choice is absolute.

You deserve good things.

All the bad you got though, all the hard times that you survived though, you didn't deserve that, and you should be so FUCKING PROUD of yourself for getting here ❤️

[audreyrose7]

It sometimes pisses me off that I'm still scared of hell.

It isn't real.

I'm scared of being judged by God.

God is a fiction.

I'm scared that it's "wrong" to leave God, be gay, be more sexual/sensual etc, because I was always told how "evil" and "wrong" that was.

The facts have spoken, I know it's a myth. But still,

I'm FUCKING SCARED!

(honestly I feel like the only solution is time, because when I think about it, it's been less than a year since I left God and realized I'm not straight)

[audreyrose7]

It sometimes pisses me off that I'm still scared of hell.

It isn't real.

I'm scared of being judged by God.

God is a fiction.

I'm scared that it's "wrong" to leave God, be gay, be more sexual/sensual etc, because I was always told how "evil" and "wrong" that was.

The facts have spoken, I know it's a myth. But still,

I'm FUCKING SCARED!

(honestly I feel like the only solution is time, because when I think about it, it's been less than a year since I left God and realized I'm not straight)

[audreyrose7]

There was a thought that occurred to me the other day, I'm sitting in the boyfriend's car and we're having like a Sonic slurpee drink thing which was amazing by the way lol, and it just completely fucking floors me that I'm looking forward to the two-year Mark when I can leave, and that my mom might be looking forward to it too, that'll be her last kid that'll be kind of what her life can begin, and this poor woman has absolutely NO FUCKING CLUE but the second she gains her independence from being a mother, and she can be an empty nester, is the same second that she's about to lose 3/4 of her children forever.

And I know I shouldn't but for a moment I felt bad because she might be looking forward to a similar goal as me time wise, and while I'm going to gain complete freedom she's going to be heartbroken beyond belief.

(and yes she's a terrible person, and yes it's an absolute last resort to go to contact with my parents, and yes she absolutely deserves it. But it's hard to not feel a level of empathy for her just like on a human level. Because she's still a mother and even though the way she loves is crooked and toxic and wrong, she's about to lose everything)

[audreyrose7]

I just saw something that said "having children is your retirement plan" that's so wild to me is that what y'all are doing? Are like a crap ton of Christian parents and I guess parents in general, having kids thinking that the kids will take care of them? Like that's a plan and place that's a promise that's a guarantee etc (I guess I shouldn't be surprised because that's what my parents think that we are going to do, so they're going to be surprised when we disappear before that ever happens lol)

But still that just seems crazy to me to create human beings and be expectantly demanding something that huge from them

[audreyrose7]

There’s a little rat inside your head.

This rat doesn’t know anything, but it knows that sometimes snacks fall into its cage, and sometimes the floor shocks its feet.  It likes the snacks, and it hates the shocks.  It will tell you to do things that produce snacks, and it will tell you not to do things that produce shocks.

This little rat is not the only power inside your head, and it might not be the strongest, but it’s there and it has influence.

So pay attention to how you’re treating the little rat.

If every time you learn something new, you say to yourself “ugh, I’m so ignorant for not already knowing this,” you’re shocking the rat.  You’re teaching it to be afraid of learning new things, to associate it with embarrassment and self-criticism.

Remember to feed the rat instead.  Tell it “now I know, and that is good,” and let it eat its snack in peace.

If every time you take care of yourself and your home, you say to yourself “ugh, I never do this enough, and I’ll never get it right,” you’re shocking the rat.  You’re teaching the rat that it was safer when you didn’t try to take care of things.

Feed the rat instead.  Praise what you have done, forgive what you haven’t, so the rat can feel safe.

When the rat takes a step in the right direction, even if the step is too small or slow or not in quite the right direction, feed it.  Don’t shock it for being imperfect; it’ll only learn not to take any steps at all.  Feed it, and let it get bolder, and take bigger steps, and give it bigger rewards for those bigger steps.

Be kind to your little rat.

[audreyrose7]

[audreyrose7]

make her feel safe. the kind of safe she knows she couldn’t be safer in any other arms than yours.

[audreyrose7]

once you're traumatized by abuse, your whole life is just about avoiding getting abused again

[audreyrose7]

Nobody tells you how WEIRD and WRONG and OFF it feels when you actually tell your parents the truth, when all you do is lie and pretend because that's what you have to do to survive, occasionally the opportunity arises where the safest thing for you is to actually tell the TRUTH, I feel like nobody talks about how incredibly wrong that feels

[audreyrose7]

I think I've decided at this point that the right friend or friendship group or community is going to find me when it's meant to, when the universe decides. Because I've tried looking for it I've went out of my way and it's ended catastrophe bad every time, kind of comically bad, the kind of stuff that's really frustrating in the moment but then later it makes an entertaining story, it's kind of like how I found my partner, I kind of gave up on dating apps and I downloaded them one last time just cuz I was bored, and that I found him and now he's stuck with me lol

I'm just going to wait for the universe's Divine timing ✨