#addict

[stockingslover7]

[neuroticboyfriend]

if you're a recovering addict, i want you to know you're doing good.

you didn't use today? you're doing good. you used recently and you're still recovering? you're doing good. you sought support today? you're doing good. you practiced harm reduction? you're doing good. you want to relapse and haven't? you're doing good. you're getting involved, even if others are doing more? you're doing good. you're resting today? you're doing good. you're alive? you're doing good.

this shit takes time. you have spent a considerable amount of time doing harmful things to yourself, or others. you're not going to change overnight. all you can reasonably do is get through the day, adding as much good to your life/the lives of others as you can. it doesn't matter what happened yesterday, or what's going to happen tomorrow.

all you have is this moment, and if you're on the path of recovery... you're doing good. this is your story. not someone else's. not some idealized version of yourself. it's yours, just as you exist, right now. that's all you have, and all you need.

keep going. you got this. i'm glad you're here (and so is everyone else who interacted with this post).

[444sally]

looking for moots!!^_^ (target audience)

[autopsyfreak]

if you shit on people for being drug addicts then just know that i hate you.

[anaxietyyy]

(not mine, found on pinterest)

[theaddictspoetry]

Grief is weird I think of you every day, Some days I smile. some days I cry. some days I just drown, drown in the could have beens, should have beens, the unknown. the unknown- is what truly kills us. this wasn't supposed to be this way, i'll spend forever trying to find out why you're not here anymore.

@theaddictspoetry

[melanied3]

We’ve all been there……❤️

[life-spire]

[freud1ansl1ps]

sneaking

[mellow-moodboards]

Pastel addict lesbian

[neuroticboyfriend]

there is no shame in being an alcoholic. there is no shame in being any kind of addict. it's a chronic illness and anti-addict stigma is ableist.

it's okay to exist and voice your struggle. in fact, it's encouraged. even if you never recover or don't intend on recovering, your voice matters.

[16differentflavoursofhell]

Monday.

[effy-writes]

Addict (Blitz x Reader)

10: Ozzie’s/Queen Bee:Methamphetamine

cw: narcan, mild sa

~~~~~~~~

 "Woo! That was a fuck ton of lumberjacks!" Blitz yelled.

You panted, holding yourself up with the metal pole, "Fuck this stupid coke lungs." You whispered.

"I'm so jazzed up!" Millie screamed.

"Well you better stay jazzed, babe. Because, guess where I'm taking you tonight?" Moxxie pointed finger guns.

"Don't you dare finish a filthy pun in my presence Moxxie. Besides, drinks are on me tonight. Let's hit up the new dive down the street." Blitz put his arm around you.

"Actually, sir, it's our one-year marriage anniversary. So, I'm taking Millie to Ozzie's in the Lust Ring!"

You grinned ear to ear, you absolutely love M&M's relationship. Every once in a while you'll get jealous over their relationship, wishing that you will have your Moxxie, or even your Millie.

The couple started to make out in front of everyone, you looked amused but Blitz was annoyed.

"Ugh, can you two not?"

"I'm sorry, sir. Maybe another time?"

"No, it's fine! I-I can come with the two of you, help you celebrate your boring as fuck monogamy."

"Can I come?" You butted in, Blitz had to take a second glance, "Uh, No"

"Why?" You leaned onto the pole.

"Because I like stalking M&M, I don't actually want to go on a date."

You slouched, dragging your pole and sat down on the chairs at the table.

~~~

You and Blitz stayed quiet during the drive home. Once arriving he quickly cleaned up, throwing the bathroom hygiene out so he can get what he needs.

You on the other hand sat on the couch, rubbing your temples.

"You okay?" Blitz startled you.

"Yeah. Are you actually going to Ozzie's?"

"Yeah? I gotta see what M&M are up to." Blitz rushed to the door but turned around and went over to the couch. "Oh shit I actually forgot something." He pulled out a box from his jacket pocket and handed it to you.

You raised your eyebrow and opened the box, it was a new phone. "What's this?"

"What are you fucking blind? A phone! You deserve it."

Your smile gotten bigger, "Really! Oh thank you!" You pulled Blitz into a hug.

"Please don't make me regret this." He groaned, pulling away from the hug. "Everyone's contact is in that list. Anyway I gotta go byeee!" He ran out the apartment.

"At least I won't be bored." You mumbled, but perked up.

You went on the dark web and clicked on some links that will send you drug dealers from miles away. Your heart felt heavy, Blitz gave you a phone because you haven't done drugs in a while, but now you're breaking his trust by doing the first thing he begged you not to do.

You debated on it for a while, but decided to say fuck it and find some people.

~~

"Fuck yes!" You shouted, grabbing the baggy of coke. "That was actually easier than I thought." You shrugged and made two lines with the new coke, snorted, and stumbled back. The euphoria automatically hitting.

Your phone rang quickly answered it, "Hi Blitz!"

"Hi yeah, can you come over to Ozzie's? I need a partner."

Oh shit. "Sorry, I was going to run some errands."

"Since when did you do that?"

"Now."

"Boo you whore." Blitz hang up.

15 minutes later your high worn down. You were tempted to do some more lines. You hesitated, and then made 3 more lines, snort, and exhaled in relief. You got a crazy idea, you wanted to see Blitz.

You took a quick shower and put on some better clothes, a plain long sleeve shirt with a skirt. It's not much but it's better than your regular clothes.

~~

You snuck your way into the building, found Blitz and started walking to his table.

"Stolas?" You mumbled.

Fizz quickly caught your eye. Him and Ozzie was singing to what it look liked to be was Moxxie. You didn't care, you just wanted to sit with Blitz.

"Hey guys what did I miss?"

"Y/n! What are you doing here? And how did you get in here without a partner?" Blitz whispered.

"Metal rod."

"Eh fair enough."

"Darling! Y/n! Haven't seen you since the last full moon."

"Yeah, been busy Stolas."

You looked up to see Fizz. You haven't seen him since you left the circus. You know he's disabled and have robotic limbs, but this is the first time you saw him in person.

"Holy shit Y/n?" Fizz yelled, the light shining onto you. "There's one thing me and Blitzo have in common. We hate for what you did to us. Coked up and left us." He laughed as you gulped. Fizz extended and got to your face, "Pupils big, somebody is on coke again." He teased.

You looked at Blitz with guilt.

"I gave you a phone and not even 3 hours later you got high?" Blitz stood up.

"Is that Blitzo? So, you're showing your face!" Fizz laughed. "Hey, everybody! This guy's a total disgrace!"

You didn't take your eyes off of Blitz. Stolas put his hand over yours, "Since when did you do drugs?"

"Since I was four fucking teen!" You yelled, bringing everyone's attention to the three.

"Stolas, is that you?" Asmodeus got a closer look.

"Are you sleepin' with two imps?" A bystander interjected.

The constant taunting was starting to end. Blitz looked away from Stolas and you. Angry that Stolas looks ashamed to be with the two, disappointed with you for breaking his trust.

Stolas reaches his hand to comfort Blitz, but he pulled away.

"You know what? This was a mistake. Alright, let's just -- let's just leave."

"Oh. Right, of course."

Your breathing slowed. The two males got up and started to leave. You still sat at the table, sulking in what you've done. You began to think that you never learn, cursing at your parents for making you addicted, and cursing at yourself for not breaking it.

Stolas realized this and walked over to the table, putting his hand on your shoulder, "Come on," he said in a soothing voice.

You got up and walked with Stolas, Blitz was already gone.

The two got in his van, Stolas in the passenger seat while you sat in the middle of the back seats. None of you said a word to each other.

The van stopped at Stolas' mansion, the owl got out and peaked his head through the window. "Thank you, for... inviting me out tonight. Despite everything that's happened, I...I enjoyed spending time with you."

"Yeah." Blitz got irritated, he clenched his grip on the steering wheel.

"You know, I have some more wine in the house. Octavia's with her mother this weekend. So, we could--"

"We're not fucking you tonight, okay? I'm really just.. I'm really not in the mood, Stolas."

"Because of what happened or because of Y/n's currentship." He pointed to you.

"Both." He spat.

"We could talk, or... watch a movie, or... maybe cuddle?"

"Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting us to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time." His voice broke. "But, I just, we can't do it tonight, okay?"

"Okay." He sighs, "Goodnight, Blitz. Goodnight Y/n."

"Night." Blitz drove off, not giving enough time for you to say goodnight.

The high wore off, inducing you to have extreme fatigue. You stretch in the backseat and laid down.

Blitz looked at you through the rear view mirror. You were sound asleep, the only noises in the van was your soft snores.

"You're killing me, Y/n." His voice cracked, shook his head and kept his eyes on the road.

Occasionally staring at you sleeping soundly.

Blitz picked you up and carried you to the apartment room. He was struggling to unlock the door since he was trying not to drop you.

He shut the door with his foot and gently laid you down on the pull out couch and covered you up. He took off his shoes and laid down beside of you.

Blitz pulled you close to him and looked through his phone gallery. He swiped through the pictures, pictures that he took of Stolas, you, M&M, him and Fizz, and then his mom. Tears filled his eyes, pulling you closer and cried quietly into the crook of your neck.

~~~

Blitz ended up falling asleep, and his phone dinging woke him up. Loona had texted him to pick her up from the party.

He shook you to wake up but didn't budge. "Y/n." He began to panic. He raised his hand and slapped you.

"What the fuck, Blitz!" You held your cheek.

"Sorry, thought you were dead. Come on, Loona needs us."

~~

The van came to a sudden stop in front of the entrance. Loona was waiting outside impatiently.

Blitz rolled down the passenger window. "Hey, Loonie. How you doin', you alright?"

Loona got inside the van, sitting behind the passenger seat. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanna go." She sighed.

An Imp pointed out Blitz, "He-hey, that sounds like Blitzo!"

"O is silent, asshole!"

"He-hey, I knew it was you! Fuck, man, where've you been? Are you here for the party?"

"N-no, I'm just here picking up my daughter."

"Oh, shit! Do you have a daughter now? Wait how does two imps have a hellhound?" Blitz's old friend pointed at you.

"Adopted!" Lonna growled.

The others was trying to convince him and Loona to not leave. You rested your head in your hand.

"I want to meet this pretty little lady." The same imp said, giving you lustfull eyes.

"Watch it!" Blitz yelled.

"Well, these people seem to know you. Come on! I think I wanna give this another try. Pleeease?" Loona begged.

"Okay, fine. Maybe one drink."

The three got out of the van and made their way into Beezlebubs mansion. Blitz gripped your arm and pulled you aside, "If you think about doing any type of drug I will hurt you."

"How about drinking?"

"No, Y/n. Drinking after coke? That sounds like a bad idea."

"It left my system-"

"Don't care." Blitz let go of you.

Minutes later Blitz was drinking from a keg while everyone was cheering his name. You rolled your eyes and stomped off. Trying to get far away as Blitz from possible so you can either A: find stimulants, or B: get wasted.

"Oh shit, Y/n!" Beezlebub said.

"Oh, hey."

"You haven't been to my party's in a while, how have you been?"

"Good. Hey do you have stimulants per chance?"

"Fuck yes! Come on." She took your hand and led you upstairs to get the stash. "Meth, Coke, Molly, Molly laced Meth, Adderal, Adderal laced Meth-"

"Molly."

"Molly? You haven't done that one." She winked.

"Ha, yeah well, trying to expand my indulgences."

Beezlebub handed you the pill, dry swallowing, then smiled. "Thank you. Also don't tell Blitz, okay?"

"Sure thing, have fun!"

"I will!" You ran off, trying to enjoy this drug.

Beezlebub looked at her stash, "Oh shit, gave her Molly-Laced Meth, eh it's whatever."

But you didn't know that. You ran downstairs and saw some kegs. Some Imps surrounded you, "Want us to lift it up so you can drink?"

"Fuck yes!" You cheered, lying down on the ground the Imps tipped the keg, and the honey flavor drink washed down your throat.

On the other end, Beezlebub and Blitz are having a drink off.

You never felt like this before. You wiped your mouth with the long sleeve shirt as you felt your heart race, beating way faster than normal. "This feels like Meth." You slurred, having no thoughts in your head.

The drinking mixing with the molly laced meth was doing a number on your body, making your vision become blurry.

You searched for Blitz but couldn't see him. "Blitz!" You shouted as well as stumbling and fall right in the middle of the dance floor because your body became too weak. Beezlebub quickly flew over to you, kneeling down. "Hey hun, you doing alright?"

"I don't feel good." You mumbled, your heart slowly decreasing in speed.

"What else did you take?"

"Drinky."

"Oh shit." She panicked. "You came with Blitz and Loona right?"

"I came on Blitz." You quietly said.

"Okayyyy straight forward, love that about you." Beezlebub helped you up. "Blitz is over there, somewhere."

You wobbled over to where Blitz may be. You caught him making out with some dudes, almost having an orgy.

"Blitz!" You slurred.

"Y/n! Oh thank Satan. I missed you." Blitz was too drunk to realize you did something that he told you not to do. In addition, not knowing you took Meth/Molly. "Fuck, you look so hot right now."

Blitz forced himself onto a very drunk/high you, who doesn't even know what's going on. All you know is that you're enjoying this while your body is shutting down by the minutes. The other guys saw that Blitz was making out with you and  joined on in. The guys slipped their hands up your skirt as you whimpered, thinking it was Blitz. "Fuck, Blitz. Not here."

Confused, Blitz looked and saw it was another guy.

"Oh you FUCKER" He slurred, punching the taller imp.

You felt disgusted. With everything happening your body couldn't take it anymore. You slid your back on the wall and your eyes slowly shutting. You weren't dying, and you didn't fall asleep, but you felt so heavy, yet your heart was racing because of the stimulants.

Blitz not reading the room got down to your level, his lips attacking yours. You grunted, and wrapped your legs around Blitz.

"Oh, piss on a dick!" Loona picked Blitz up, not seeing you underneath who looked like you were about to go in comatose. "What the fuck are you doing, Blitz?"

"Y/n!" He pointed to you, your skirt raised a bit and your legs spread, as well as your eyes closed with your mouth opened a bit.

"Blitz it looks like you fucked Y/n while she’s asleep!"

"No I didn't," He wobbled, "She’s awake."

"Yeah? Well did you know she took Molly laced with  Meth AND drank a whole keg? She’s clearly not doing good physically."

Blitz came with a realization. He turned his head and looked at you. "Oh shit." For the first time he wasn't mad at you for doing drugs, he was worried for your safety.

"Come on." Loona picked you up and swung you over her shoulder while dragging Blitz.

The hellhound laid you in the back seat, Blitz got in and sat beside of you, slapping your face to wake up. "Come on, Y/n."

"Does she need to go to the hospital?"

"No, I don't want her to leave again."

The two argued but Loona eventually gave up.

"Do you need to throw up?"

"Mmm... no."

Loona scoffed, "Yeah, you do"

Blitz carried you inside and laid you down, keeping your head up.

"Loonie can you go to the bathroom and get Narcan?"

"Since when did you buy that?"

"If Y/n ever OD's. Bought it the moment she moved in with me."

Loona gave him a sorrowful look before grabbing it. She threw it to Blitz, he pulled the cap off with his teeth before lifting your shirt up so he can inject it into your chest. He hesitated for a bit but even he doesn't know why. Seeing you in this state breaks him, and it breaks him even more that he has to give you narcan.

He pierced it "into" your heart, gasping and getting as much air in you. You glanced at Blitz and then Loona.

"Welcome back." Loona chuckled. You were still trying to catch your breath. Blitz was in deep thought while staring at you who was hyperventilating.

"Fuck, Fizz was right. I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. Will you be there, Loonie?"

"I think you got bigger problems, Blitz." She motioned her head towards you.

"I'm gonna die alone...lonely." He mumbled.

"You have Y/n, dad."

"If she dies because of her addiction...I'm gonna die alone."

"She’s not going to die."

The two looked at you who was too out of it to join in the conversation. Blitz could see tears pooling in your eyes because of the light that the TV emitted.

"Now go the fuck to sleep, both of you." Loona entered her room and slammed the door.

Your breathing was back to normal, as well as your heart.

"Blitz I'm so-"

"It's okay," He slurred. "I'm not mad."

"You sure?"

"I'm mad, but I don't hate you. I'm just afraid."

"I know,"

"We can talk about this tomorrow, I'm too drunk."

He laid his head down on your legs. Mumbling some words that you couldn't make out.

Blitz started to gagged, you looked down at him, "You okay?"

Blitz vomited in a split second. "Fuck..yeah I did need to throw up."

You’re afraid this was gonna happen again. Over and over again.

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Oh, I've fucked up big time now. I knew it was only a matter of time :( at least the slo mo video looks cool.

[bedroomcocaine]

"so what do you do to relax?"

cocaine