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Whale Suit Thermal Considerations II

I have previously talked a bit about thermal considerations as well as an estimation of heat production and how it interacts to swimming speed.

In the previous estimation I had worked from the base assumption of a uniform thickness. This is not going to be the case for a number of reasons in particular that the human body is not shaped like a whale body but a few cm smaller, but also that the human body is much more flattened and not in a straight line. But this is actually useful because where the uniform distribution is entirely passive, a non uniform distribution means some areas have greater heat transfer than others which allows the body to more effectively shunt heat around the body (essentially the swimming equivalent of letting your leg hang out from under the covers).

Additionally there are some options for more active cooling in this concept. The thinnest parts of the suit will be right against the sides of the body, which would lie directly underneath the flippers when held to the side. By making that area particularly thin when I am warm I can hold my flippers away from my sides exposing the thin material and allowing for better cooling, and inversely when I am sleeping and cool, I can hold my flippers tight against my side (which is how I sleep) and that will help to keep myself warm. Depending on comfort I can then hold my flippers in different positions so they serve both as controls, but also for cooling (Many cetaceans actually cool the body through their flippers).

The third cooling method if particularly warm or after doing a number of energetic movements would be to slightly open my mouth which would allow water to flow through cooling channels. Because of the impermiability of silicone, it is very important to minimise any sweating since it is entirely unable to cool my body. The cooling channels let me make the effective thickness of the material much thinner when I need to. By swimming forward I can basically force water into the channels and pass the cooling water close to my body. It is likely these would be placed at heavy angles outside my baleen and with some sort of cover to limit food entry into them. Additionally the presence of the cooling channels will reduce the stiffness in those thicker sections allowing the body to move and bend easier. This behaviour of opening the mouth to cool off is as well a natural behaviour that minke engage in - however notably the water is pushed against blood vessels in the scoop (the top of the mouth) rather than through the whole body.

I have not gone through and done a bunch of specific math this time like I did last time, that will probably come some point much further into this process, but with this concept I have essentially three ways of thermoregulating - passively via my human body shunting blood and heat to certain areas, by altering the placement of my flippers to cover or expose areas for cooling, or actively through cooling channels. This concept is though limited to just baleen whales as we have greater movement of our flippers and I do not think dolphin and orca engage in the mouth open cooling behaviour. Still this seems like a much more viable strategy for effectively cooling the body and managing heat.

~ Kala

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Nights like this where it is just peaceful and still make me think about heading to sleep in my tank floating on my mat beneath the slowly darkening sky being finally safe and at peace, a happy whale.

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Last night I had so many terrors - every time I woke up (at least eight times) I woke in terror thinking my wall or house was collapsing - it was hellish. I have terrors mostly about the house collapsing underneath me or being suspended up into the air and thinking I will shortly fall - or at least they are the ones I most remember - but I also have terrors being stranded unable to get back to the water, having my flukes and flesh cut, and nuclear weapons. I do often wonder, if I still have terrors, when in the water if they will reflect that new life such as, my tank collapsing/bursting open, or the roof falling down on me, or simply being unable to get my blowholes back above the surface

I think though those terrors are often intertwined with my emotional state, when I am doing better I do not seem to have as many terrors, though unfortunately I have not been doing well for a while. Sometimes though after a big breakdown things ease for a few days to a week. It does make me wonder once I return to the water if the terrors would ease or might even end. Things should hopefully generally be less stressful: I'll have my food and water and things to occupy me and some interaction and affection as well as easing greatly the species dysphoria. I do think admittedly that would be after some time passing they might ease because I do think there will be a period of transition that will be rough, but I think after three or so months of a lot of extreme emotions both high and low will pass as I settle in fully to whale life. I hope I can have a happy whale life and maybe someday might be free of these terrors.

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Apparently I can draw on my Ipad with a carrot.

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One of my favourite and most validating feelings is that period struggling to switch from my legs together as a tail into seperate legs I can use and walk with. It reminds me of the descriptions of those who have had their tongue split having to learn how to move the two sides seperately. What I like most about it, is how the time to learn to split my legs and use them seperately increases as they have been a tail longer. If I have only laid down and they have merged together for five to fifteen minutes it normally only takes a few seconds. After my weekly swims it normally takes me 30 seconds to a minute. Tonight as I was laying on my couch it took me multiple minutes flopping about uselessly before I figured out how to split my legs and walk again. It is a reminder of how pliable my brain is and how quickly and eagerly it returns to that whale state. I wonder once I have a silicone tail or flippers through the night how long it might take to turn them back into legs. Or for even longer as I return to the water, either on temporary or permanent basis, of days or weeks held together like that how difficult it might be to again split my legs to no longer be a tail, and how long it would be before my legs can really only serve and move and be conceptualised as my tail - what a wonderful thing that will be.

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I went for my swim today. The new fin that I replaced my old with is getting better on my feet, it was not nearly so tight today and was a lot more comfortable but still gave me good connection and power. I think I also figured out the "chest down" motion that people describe for dolphin kick swimming. I was still pretty weak swimming though, and though I did make 25m once it was very hard and burned quite a lot. One thing that is sort of funny though as I as I swim I feel almost more like something with the bottom half of a whale and the top half of a seal. My arms are very flipper but I do tend to set them more on the edge of my tummy than wholly at my sides, though that is not unusual for minke. The bigger thing is the breathing though. Since I lack a blowhole I have to turn my head up to breathe before popping my head up and then back under. Even the mist and spray I make are more like how a seal surfaces. It makes sense why as it is simply the shape of our bodies and once used to a snorkel that will likely change, still it was a rather funny realisation I had. It does remind me as well that time the humans in the harbour mistook me for a seal as I was swimming around.

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(Harriot Goodchild)

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Whale Training Regimen

I have been talking for quite a while about the various work and preparation I need to do to return to the water, technically, mentally, dietarily, and physically.

This is the regimen I have been doing for the past couple weeks and building for a while and hope to extend longer term to help build my strength to return to the water.

Monday - CO2 Table - Bodyweight Resistance Training

Tuesday - O2 Table

Wednesday - CO2 Table - Swim at Pool

Thursday - O2 Table

Friday - CO2 Table - Swim at Pool

Saturday - O2 Table - Bodyweight Resistance Training

Sunday - Rest

Each day after a table I also do some sort of breathing exercise whether that is a breathhold, breathhold walking, multiple held breaths with only a single inhale between (similar to how life in the water will actually be), or some sort of resistance breathing like laying on my stomach to strengthen my breathing muscles.

If the weather is nice as well I try to go for a walk in the mornings, midday, or evening either to the train-station (3km total), to the overlook (12,5km total), or just going glass hunting (around 1km or so). Some days I will also go for a swim in the sea or canal or somewhere. I have the goal someday to swim to the next town which is 10km in total.

Bodyweight Resistance Training tries to target five muscle groups: upper legs, lower legs, core, obliques, and lower back. The arms are largely omitted as it is not a major muscle used when swimming as I do and in the suit I will not have my flippers held in the streamline position since my face will be doing that instead. Generally I do 2 sets of an exercise from each of the list to two before failure (or failure if I misjudge things).

Bodyweight Exercises - Upper Legs: Squats, Sissy Squats, Split Squat, Reverse Lunge, Hamstring Curl (With fin for weight) - Lower Legs: Calf Raises, Donkey Calf Raises, Fin Raises Back/Stomach - Core: Leg Lifts, Hollow Ups, Plank, Hip Bridges, Candlesticks (not strong enough for this one anymore), V-ups (stomach gets in the way of this one still) - Oblique: Side Leg Lifts, Side Crunches, Russian Twists, Hip Bridges Side - Back: Glute Bridges, Reverse Plank Bridge, Bird-Dog, Arch Ups, Flutter Kicks, Good Mornings

These are at least what I can largely do right now. Eventually I may be able to add more exercises, more weight (which for a lot of things the fin can do quite well with since that is 5kg very easily), or move to using machines for some things.

Hopefully this routine, and evolutions of it will help give me the strength in my body to be able to breathe effectively and swim strongly. I have already begun to notice some differences going up stairs and I can spyhop up to my navel with enough depth. I think with a stronger fin (since I am still using a fin-fun advanced that has become honestly quite worn out) I could get yet a fair bit higher, and I hope someday I will be able to breach entirely from the water.

Zwem vrij! ~Kala

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More Detailed Whale Suit Concept Schematic

I actually made these drawings I think two months and some now and just never shared them.

This is a full body sketch of the colours and patterns. When I made the very first drawing of myself in a whale suit, it was 335cm in length, and at points I hoped could be even longer. The thought of being permanently stuck the size of a calf forever was a difficult one to accept. This concept I would be around 250cm in length which means there is a lot less excess weight around me which does nothing.

I am pretty conflicted on the inclusion of the chevrons if that is accurate to me or not. Some drawings I include them, others I do not. Some minke do have very notable chevrons.

This schematic outlines most of the planned and noted systems though how exactly everything would bit is pretty unknown and there may as well be other things needed. Some things like managing waste still have a lot of questions I do not really know how to resolve, other areas I do at least have ideas but a lot needs doing. One thing around the knees and ankles I have been thinking about is to use a fluid moving back and forth to allow those regions more more effectively and easily bend without using so much energy which would allow for better swimming.

At this point quite a few of the notes are old but it does at least give a sort of concept what is actually going on inside the suit mechanically. Of course to the occupant, I would simply see the world through whale eyes, move with my flippers and tail, and take in food through my mouth though that would be a little different to get it actually into my body.

I hope this does as well give a bit more understanding of the complexity of the task (of which I am at this point still struggling to make a fin) and why it will take so long to do as well as why it really would not be possible to return to the open sea and would instead have to live in captivity. Still I hope I can have an okay life in a marine park.

Still once in the suit and seeing through the whale eyes of flippers and flukes, I do think from the zoanthropy, the suit will merge with my biological body in my perception, and to my mind inside that body of flesh, metal and rubber, be all one -me-, finally a whale again, hopefully forever.

~ Zwem Ver, Zwem Vrij, Kleine Walvis, Zwem voor Altijd ~ ~ Kala

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On Friday I met with my doctor and I did finally get her to take my night terrors seriously. But the end result is there is nothing they can do about them except try to reduce the stress in my life. I suppose some part of me should not be surprised, it seems like the only options are "nothing we can do" or more antipsychotics which do not address the problem to begin with.

I have been trying to take steps to manage and reduce my stress but it is really quite hard. I have had these terrors for at least a decade, maybe it just is how things will always be. I often hope that when I return to the water the terrors will ease, at least most of my needs should be taken care of even if I am a bit bored. I often wonder if I still have terrors in the water, how exactly they will be. Most of my current terrors involve thinking my house is going to collapse, either on me or under me or that I am way up in the sky on a rickety structure or sometimes in a lab or that someone is trapped. The latter two wont change, but I wonder if the former will change but probably feeling more of entangled or drowning or a storm blowing open my tank or something (hunted by orca tends to be a nightmare rather than a night terror).

It is though frustrating almost everything that talks about nightterrors talks about them only in children and never in adults, and in children the solution is always that they will grow out of it eventually. I fear often those terrors might someday consume my life, though for now at least it is mostly just a few hours after sleeping it does.

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Something that is rather nice at the weight I am, that after being in the water - where I have been functionally weightless - I do really feel my weight after hauling myself out of the water. Having my monofin on and swimming for an hour my back end does feel very much as a tail rather than legs. When I pull my body onto the land suddenly I am very heavy and my legs have not figured out how to be legs yet and I feel the weight of my tail and body and feel very much as a whale on a slide out. I cannot stay there long - for one I am laying at the side of the pool in a spot people walk and am a bit in the way, and two if I lay there for too long people might get worried something is wrong and that might have consequences for me swimming there. Still those few moments just out of the water are nice and I do feel so much as a whale for a short bit even if in that moment I am not actually transformed.

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Often when I am able to feel again my whale body, even if I am prevented to properly transform by the medicines, though I feel my tail and feel my flippers, my dorsal fin I only feel half of, similarly my flukes stop very shorly past my peduncle. Some nights though I feel entangled in nets and lines holding me firm and cutting into me, with what feels like a prop strike on my back - it hurts terribly, but on those nights I can feel my whole dorsal fin and flukes still. I believe I entangled and stranded, and that led me into the hands of the humans. Perhaps they could not save me as a whale, or maybe I was simply a good opportunity, in any case I was made as human. Sometimes I wonder if I had been kept as a whale and been able to grow up properly, what I might have been like. Here I have only half a dorsal fin, scars from the entanglement and the propstrike, and as well a prosthetic tail like Fuji to account for my damaged and missing flukes. When I return to the water, my whole body will ultimately be prosthetic, I will have to dcecide if I would rather look completely untouched by the entanglement as though it never happened returned to my base form, or the aftereffects and scars of that entanglement and stranding fully visible. I admit I am uncertain which I would prefer.

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