#species transition

[vanillayoteart]

Mana Dragon Species Transition Therapy

Sequel to this piece, 22 Months in and she's more dragon every day! Something for rey-skye from my weekly streams!

[wanderingcritter]

As someone who's transmasc nonbinary, getting bottom surgery just isn't really something that appeals to me. Not sure why, I certainly have other forms of gender dysphoria, but Ive simply never felt discontent with what I was born with down there and currently have no plans to modify things.

However.

If it was possible for me to have a sheath I would POUNCE on that opportunity so fast omfg.

[a-minke-whales-tale]

One thing I find particularly difficult at the moment is planning for the future. I wish very much to return to the water, but I find myself in a way squeezed from multiple directions of things which must happen in order for me to return to the water as I want, to swim forever.

I am schizophrenic, and with that comes a number of problems. First off I am on somewhat more a limited time in that my lifespan is likely to be between 55-60 years, how long I am to be functional even less. My body is degrading, I cannot walk well and I struggle often to think. I fear often that eventually I will be sent away and locked in a hospital, I wish very much the humans would put me in a tank instead of a hospital, though to be honest such a request would only convince the humans more I belonged locked away in hospital.

But also I am trans and I would like still to have bottom surgery. However this is complicated by my schizophrenia. Wait lists for surgery are really quite long, and I need to both have lost enough weight and been stable on my medicine long enough to get through that without problem. And it seems honestly insurmountable.

I am also an immigrant to my country and it takes a certain amount of time to get citizenship, something which the time has been extended significantly. If indeed I am somehow able to return to the water in captivity, would the humans actually treat us like the cetaceans we are, or would they still demand things like visas and such sorted for us to live in a tank? I really do not know.

It will also take a certain amount of time for me to effectively design a suit that would allow me to swim forever. I imagine 5-10 years going through various stages of suit design and potentially going further and longer each time (assuming I do not drown or get eaten or prop struck or any number of things).

In this manner I feel squeezed from multiple angles between a shrinking window. It will take time to build the suit and complete various things like bottom surgery. From one side this gives me more time to sort things out as well as build up resources not only to make such a whale suit, and potentially multiple if others wished to join me, but also if we need to make or do certain things because I struggle to imagine any normal zoo or aquarium would take us (though given the number of times people fake animals honestly maybe we would get lucky). But that is also more time for things to go wrong particularly with employment. I have the money and resources I could not work for a year or two, however in order to keep my visa I require a certain income per month in paid employment or time in education. I also have very unique experiences and knowledge that if I had the time I could almost certainly make a business selling either pumps or therian prosthetics/costume pieces/specialized monofins. But then from the other side the longer I am on land the more damage is done to my body, the further it will deteriorate, and possibly someday I may no longer able to return to the water, and the greater likelihood at some point there is an event where I am sent away to hospital and possibly lose the resources I have which might allow me to escape.

It becomes a tough choice of what exactly to do. I had applied for a PhD position, but I do not think that is what I want. It would require a huge amount of work and potentially bring a delay to returning to the water. I need to find work first off, just anything that will let me stay, either in my home or at least in the EU where my companion can join me. I think ideal would be to find a position that would allow me to work 3-4 days a week and the remaining time use to develop an income source less dependant on companies which are only too happy to throw you away when you are no longer useful. I may have been made to serve the humans but they do seem to only care that I meet certain requirements.

In a way it is as though I have to design for three possible lives. The life I want so dearly to be back in the water forever, a life where I must still play a human but sometimes go out into the water and steadily go further and longer, and one in which I remain trapped in this human hell and have to make the best of it I can. In either of the two second cases I suppose I can at most points simply don the whalesuit, and swim out to sea and eventually the sea would take me. If it is the right time of year of place I may even find others. Though this is balanced against the humans locking me away in a hospital. The longer I can be on land, the more time I have to prep for my return, but also the more I degrade, and the less time I could have in the water, and the worse I would move when I do return.

If I could return to the water in 10 years which I think is a reasonable time, even a little long, then I could have 15 to 20 years in the best case. If I could have twenty years in a tank especially with Sonar and other cetaceans be they whales or dolphins that would be an unbelievable dream. Most of my memories would have gone ten cycles by that point and I would remember nearly nothing or even nothing of when I was human, the memories and nightmare faded completely into the past. It is unlikely that I could have so long a time, the effect of being in such a suit for so long would have a number of detrimental effects and the effect of swimming as a cetacean I do not know how it would affect the spine. Human spines do bend in that way but it would be basically a constant core workout and not a normal way most humans move their spine as in contrast to walking. There are also so many ways things could go wrong like if my blowholes didn't seal properly, or did not unseal or just any number of other problems with water going in a place it should not or even things like infections both respiratory and elsewhere, many captive cetaceans have died to that.

In any case, it presents a difficult set of parameters. There are things that must be done before I can return to the water, and more time to prep things will be good to ensure I can return to the water for as long a I can to hopefully have the long whale life I desire, but the longer I am out of the water, not only do I suffer longer as human, I reduce my potential maximum time back in the water, and risk not being able to return to the water at all. I only want to return to the water, and swim again forever, and I hope for a long forever.

[psychuan]

and you are ALL forgetting furries. you think i'm gonna pass up a chance to be my fursona?

Tonight in ‘reddit headines that made me laugh’

[cerislabnotes]

Research Note 131: Decisions 1

I'm writing this sobbing inside the firing room for the proton treatment. It's the only place in this damn building I could close the door, and no one hear me. It doesn't help that with the longer neck my gasps and sobs resonate and make so much more noise than they would as a human.

Fuck, am I seriously acting like I'm not human anymore? I'm nothing. Not a dragon, not a girl, not a person. Nothing.

… I guess I should explain. I am days away from the big doctor's appointment. Friends of mine call it the crossroads. Many complain about how much their doctor grills them about this point. The reason the doctor grills them is simple.

If you continue treatment past this point, no matter how you are getting your treatment, the point is to make you fully animalistic. This means totally the species you are transitioning too. More pain, more extreme changes, more aggressive treatment. Less ability to function mentally… human. If you decide not to cross and stay "anthropomorphic," you still must maintain the current dosage treatment for the rest of your life. Issues with dosage and progression are likely, and it can be a massive struggle staying "between."

So, why am I crying? Because normally I'm assisting others with making this choice and then helping facilitate it. I've thought about this day quite often in passing. I always distract myself with work or writing or friends when I do and the thoughts drift by.

Today, with the appointment so close, and with a light work day, I couldn't avoid it. Especially after watching another patient breakdown, and having to drag them up out of themself back to being okay. "I can't do it, I'm not allowed to be me, to be happy!" they said multiple times. Obviously, they were wrong, and I built them back up.

But am I allowed to be happy? I've had so many issues with treatment, with compatibility, with my body, and how broken it is. Would I even be able to be happy if I was fully transitioned to a dragon if I remained as deformed and broken?

Am I careless enough to leave my work as I become to big and too unstable to work in the clinic? To not be able to help others as I would want to be helped? I'm not the only person that knows the device and technology, but I am one of the few. I may not be the best at helping the patients, but I try! Will the next person do the same as I'm off being a lizard?

All of this built up and broke me when I walked out of the treatment room. I couldn't hold back streaming tears as I walked the hall to the firing room. And I make it worse by burying my face in my hands and clipping it with my claws. Like my own body is prodding me to make a decision.

-Ceri

I'm scared I'll regret it. I'm scared I'll become something I never wanted to be. I'm scared… I'm scared I'll lose the ability to communicate with my friends… To be able to interact with all these wonderful species of beings.

I'm scared of… myself.

[Personal Note transferred to Research Note account of technician/patient mental insight at lab direction]

[grumpybunny-edith]

Gwen's Bunny HRT - Month 1 (Part 1)

I look at my reflection for what feels like the hundredth time today, waffling on how to do it. All the other girls have already gone through all this, and compared to their one-month photos, I feel... Behind. Delilah had already started growing fur in some places, and Edith already had a little bit of tail growing in. Sure, it looked a little weird without any fur on it, but... I’ve got nothing there but soreness. Is it even worth celebrating? Like, “oh yay, my ears look longer if you squint and my teeth look a little sillier”.  

I take a deep breath and dig my toes into my carpet, feeling pain flare up in them. It just started a couple days ago — maybe it would be better to wait until something came of it? Until walking on my toes didn’t hurt so bad, or even felt better than walking on my heels? 

I feel a tiny impulse at the small of my back, my spine apparently doing its best to wiggle at its base. Am I... unconsciously wagging my tail? The soreness that comes with it matches what the other girls had talked about. I smile, showing my reflection my weird teeth and the pain subsides a little. 

“Bunnies wag their tails when they’re upset,” Edith had told me once. It’s warming to feel how right she is, to feel like I actually belong, even for a second. It’s not that the other girls haven’t done a good job of making me think so; it’s just hard to see all of them so far along and then to look at myself. 

I set my phone down and stare at myself for a while. I imagine the fur suddenly sprouting up all across my body, shiny and soft. I imagine my ears getting so tall they graze the doorway. I imagine my tail, tiny and fluffy, poking out just about the hem of my sweatpants. It makes me smile and laugh at myself, and I feel a bit of pride in my teeth. They’ll look better coupled with everything else, I think. 

I hear my phone buzz, trying to avoid convincing myself it’s because my hearing has spontaneously improved. I laugh it off and check what it was. 

raeraebun: Hey girl!! Today’s one month, right?? Where’s the update??

I smile and blush instinctively. Rae and I don’t chat that much, but every time we do it lifts my whole mood. She’s also dropped by my place a couple times because she “made too many brownies and just had to make a delivery”. 

wen-kutesuli: Hey! Idk if I’m gonna do it today honestly lol 

raeraebun: Aww, why not? i mean like do whatever you want obvi but. you okay?

I sigh. I know I can probably tell her, it’ll almost definitely be fine, and she probably has something great to say. But it doesn’t make it any easier to say it. I’m almost embarrassed to still feel the way that I do even after her and Edith’s constant preaching of “loving yourself wherever you are”. 

wen-kutesuli: Yeah I’m okay lol. Just kinda 

wen-kutesuli: Wish I had more to show, I guess? 

Rae’s response comes quite literally instantly. 

raeraebun: GWENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

raeraebun: okay 

raeraebun: lemme show you something 

When Rae comes back after a couple minutes of digging, she sends me a picture of some random girl with hair like her own, followed by five closeups of a pretty standard human ear. 

raeraebun: so like

raeraebun: this was from january last year 

raeraebun: Id been on hrt for like. a month and a half to the day

raeraebun: I had taken a picture of myself every day since starting my regimen

raeraebun: and didnt see anything until that picture when FINALLY 

raeraebun: my ears had grown the tiniest little bit. 

raeraebun: I didnt stop screaming about it all day lol ashley got so sick of it 

raeraebun: and yk what happened next?

raeraebun: they stayed just like that for three more weeks LMAO

Rae has this way of making people smile and cry their eyes out at the same time. 

raeraebun: so... be nice to yourself? its not gonna happen all at once, and thats ok. every little bit is worth, like

raeraebun: I dunno 

raeraebun: a thousand parties

wen-kutesuli: That’s a lot of parties 

raeraebun: and you earn every single one of them :) 

I sit in stunned silence so pleased I don’t know what to do with myself. My body wants some kind of release, and I let it have one, laying face down and kicking my feet so quickly and so hard into the floor it probably upset the people below me. 

raeraebun: you dont have to, but we all wanna celebrate with you :D 

wen-kutesuli: Thank you 🩵 Maybe I’ll do it 

raeraebun: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

raeraebun: GO GWENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

---

Thank you to @flightlessbirdgirl for helping me decide on Gwen's username and for letting me bounce ideas off it!

Next

[mantisgodsdomain]

Now that we are being followed by people, we need to make some thoughts and opinions clear so that people are not later Shocked And Disgusted or whatever by thoughts we have held for many years. We think it's weird and also bad to treat queer people like they're a different species from cishet people, and we think that treating things like Having A Sexuality makes a character better than if they have a different sexuality is bad no matter what way you put it.

We also think that, if in your setting queer folks are widely accepted and straight isn't a "default", it may be worth noting that, say, a straight woman might need just as much self-discovery to work out she's straight that a lesbian does nowadays. In the same manner that, in Ace Attorney, Larry Butz needs to tell Phoenix that no matter how many photos of handsome men he shows him, he's tried, he's just not attracted to men,

[dandelionsresilience]

Good News - July 1-7

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $Kaybarr1735! And if you tip me and give me a way to contact you, at the end of the month I'll send you a link to all of the articles I found but didn't use each week!

1. Footage reveals 'miracle eagle chick' in flight

“In an unprecedented display of extended eagle parenting, the two white-tailed parents skipped this year's breeding season to continue to tend to their year-old offspring. The youngster's wing was broken when the nest fell to the ground during unseasonably wild weather last year. […] The fully-grown chick was being fed fish by its parents, caring behaviour that the eagle expert described as “unprecedented” for the birds. […] “If an immature bird was to reappear near its nesting parents or any other pair the following year [after dispersing], it would likely be aggressively chased away. That’s why this is so exceptional.””

2. Rare wild horses back on Kazakhstan’s Golden Steppe after being saved from extinction

“For the first time in at least 200 years, wild Przewalski's horses have returned to Kazakhstan’s Golden Steppe. [...] Przewalski's horses are considered the last truly wild horse left on the planet as other species like the American Mustang are descended from domesticated animals. The species were once common across the vast steppes of Central Asia. [...] The zoo will also be sending some Przewalski’s to Mongolia in 2026 where a reintroduction programme has seen their population boom to well over 850 animals.”

3. For one Austin summer camp, public transit is part of the adventure

“[... “O]ver 90% of the kids will tell you that their favorite part of ATX Kids Club is riding the bus.” That’s the program’s goal: getting kids to have fun on public transit so they’ll grow up using it. The nonprofit’s summer camp, which takes kids ages 4 to 12 on field trip “adventures” around the city, uses Capital Metro buses as its main form of transportation. [...] Before camp, [the field trip leader] said, he believed in stereotypes about transit being dirty and “scary” — but his experience with Austin’s bus system has been the opposite so far.”

4. Brazil Prevents Meta from Using People to Power Its AI

“[…P]ersonal photos of Brazilian children are used to build powerful AI tools without their knowledge or consent. In turn, others use these tools to create malicious deepfakes, putting even more children at risk of harm. […] The Brazilian government’s decision is a powerful, proactive move to protect people’s data privacy in the face of swiftly evolving uses and misuses of AI. Yesterday’s action especially helps to protect children from worrying that their personal data, shared with friends and family on Meta’s platforms, might be used to harm them in ways that are impossible to anticipate or guard against.”

5. Ambitious Living Shoreline Project Combats Coastal Land Loss in South Carolina

“Living shorelines stabilize coastlines by reducing the impacts of waves and rising sea levels. They are made of materials that promote the growth of marsh grasses and commercially important species like oysters and crabs. […C]oastal sites could offset almost 80 percent of tidal habitat loss with careful conservation and management. […] Young people in this AmeriCorps program receive training, a living stipend, an education award, and connections to potential employers.”

6. Pahranagat National Wildlife Refuge announces proposal to modernize water infrastructure

“Under the refuge’s proposal, the Service would improve 4,400 feet of an earthen water delivery ditch, rehabilitate 1,200 feet of Upper Lake Dam, develop 100 feet of new diversion channel into critical nesting habit for federally endangered southwestern willow flycatcher, modernize current water monitoring stations and improve 640 feet of the Pahranagat Ditch Drain. […] The improvements will result in significant habitat improvements for multiple bird species, [… and] also enhance flood control holding capabilities of the Upper Lake for the Pahranagat Valley.”

7. New chemical process separates textile fibers for easier recycling

“A combined team of chemical and biomolecular engineers [... have] developed a way to chemically separate fibers in textiles, allowing them to be recycled more quickly and cheaply than conventional methods. [... T]hey found they could break apart the textiles in as little as 15 minutes. They also noted that the process [breaks down polyester and spandex into] organic compound[s] that could conceivably be used to create more polyester. [... T]he material integrity of both the nylon and the cotton were retained, suggesting they could be used to make new batches of clothes.”

8. Pongamia trees grow where citrus once flourished, offering renewable energy and plant-based protein

“[Some Floridian] farmers are turning to the pongamia tree, a climate-resilient tree with the potential to produce plant-based proteins and a sustainable biofuel. […] Pongamia trees also don't need fertilizer or pesticides. They flourish in drought or rainy conditions. And they don't require teams of workers to pick the beans. […] The legume is now being used to produce several products, including Panova table oil, Kona protein bars and protein flour. The legumes also produce oil that can be used as a biofuel, largely for aviation, which leaves a very low carbon footprint[….]”

9. Trans candidate celebrates receiving more votes than anti-trans campaigner Posie Parker

“An independent trans candidate says that she hopes receiving more total votes than anti-trans campaigner Posie Parker at the general election will show trans children that they are loved. […] Bristol Central was won by Green Party’s out bisexual co-leader Carla Denyer, while Parker received just 196 votes, equal to 0.5 per cent[….] Elsewhere, trans candidate Sophie Molly secured 225 votes standing as an independent at the other end of the country, in Aberdeen South[….]”

10. Ohio zoo celebrates birth of critically endangered western lowland gorilla

“The Columbus Zoo said the gorilla was born June 29 and first-time mother Sue is "very attentive and providing excellent care to her little one, who she nuzzles and cradles closely." […] “With tiny hands and beautiful big brown eyes that melt our hearts, this baby is absolutely precious—in regard to both the cuteness factor and what the baby represents for this species’ future. We are proud of the dedication of our care teams who diligently work to provide the gorillas with top quality care and wellbeing while continuing the legacy of the Columbus Zoo’s renowned gorilla program,” said Audra Meinelt, curator of the Columbus Zoo’s Congo Expedition region.”

June 22-28 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[asgardian--angels]

Just wanted to thank you for taking the time and effort to put together the long climate/environment post, especially the online resources. I've wanted to replace the neglected/dead non-native plants at my place with native plants for months, but didn't know where to start my search for species except to walk around my local nature preserve trying to find something that isn't invasive lol. I'll be able to start (re)introducing native plants this month because of you :-)

Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad the post has been helpful and inspiring. If you'd like more directed guidance on native plants, I can probably point you in the right direction if you can give me a general area to work with (state would suffice!). In general, go for keystone species- those that are common in your area and support many kinds of insects- or pollinator favorites, or host plants for rare/imperiled butterflies/bees/moths.

[feyres-divorce-lawyer]

y’all i think evolution researched too close to the sun

[carbonateddelusion]

@intrusiveprince

This is Mariposa (they/she)! Their whole deal is obsessive love over their childhood friend, Rea (they're t4t girlies). They're also the daughter of a god of suffering and evil, Teuflisch, but they don't know that.

She was a relatively normal person (albeit still harboring deeply obsessive, repressed feelings for her memory of Rea) until her girlfriend raised her hand to hit their child, Polilla. Something went awry in Mari's brain and she snapped, dedicating herself from that moment onward to the planning of her girlfriend's murder. After the deed was done, she found herself feeling empty and lost... and then she rediscovered an adult Rea working at a coffee shop, and it was love(?) from that point onward. Mariposa's yet to make an actual move or even become her friend, being too fixated on making sure everything is PERFECT and lines up correctly for them to be lovers, but that doesn't stop her from obsessively stalking Rea. Something she is.. surprisingly good at, for someone who literally glows at least.

I'm still developing her but I love her a lot <3<3

I should mention though, Teuflisch and Rea are @peapod20001 's characters, not mine :> and so are what species she is (devil, clown, and reaper)

[a-minke-whales-tale]

Flipper Design

I want to make a set of pyjamas, or possibly something just to relax around, to see my flippers again and to have them as long as I want.

Some notes from the image: values are in cm. Black values are width height with a trailing edge offset. Blue values are trailing edge offset width.

I am thinking I may try to double layer this, from my understanding the surface of cetacean flippers, or at least those of dolphin, is a but firmer. So I may want a harder outer silicone and a softer inner silicone. The inner would conform to my arm better with press pressure and should allow the inside to elastically deform easier, while the harder outer area would help hold the flipper exterior straighter even though only around half the rotation occurs at the shoulder. I will need to play a lot with this yet.

Also I think I will need to get myself a new CAD program instead of Solidworks. Been considering Fusion 360 but unsure really.

[satanfemme]

laios I love you.

[hometownrockstar]

if I was in genshin i'd be one of these sea bunny critter things

[cerislabnotes]

TheraSMD 335 Providers Informational Report (Draft)

Overview: The Genetic Nuclear Development Corp introduced the TheraSMD 335 process in 2032 as a way for Therians to transition to their mentally accepted species.

The TheraSMSD 335 is a particle accelerator used to rapidly split apart DNA. Partnered with the SMD (Small Molecular Delivery device), it delivers the edited DNA to the split sections of the patient.

Configuring the subject's DNA to the selected species can take up to 9 years of treatment. The patient has to supplement the direct treatments with multiple medications and sometimes even injections or implants.

Early adopters of the treatment say it has helped them feel better physically, even if the end result is not as they intended. Current patients have mostly enjoyed results closer to their intended body physiology.

Effects of Treatment: Treatment will completely transform the patient into an anthropomorphic version of their accepted species. The number of anthropomorphic features and levels that each patient experiences differs from case to case and requires more R&D to narrow. Example of effects of a patient using Dragon HRT (Humanity Replacement Therapy): (Insert the entirety of Sabines' Dragon HRT work here) The treatment does affect mental state by putting the subject in the species' mental state. However, the patient will never have a total replacement of mentality, nor will the treatment affect memory. Most patients report body image issues even long after the body form is completely changed. This phenomenon has been widely recorded for hormone replacement patients as well.

Provider Concerns: Some professionals accepting of the point of treatment are still wary about the procedure, and a substantial number of providers make the patient wait up to 3 years, expecting the patient to attempt living as their desired species. The patients are especially expected to come out to other people in their space so that the changes do not glare as if the treatment is taken. Those doctors who do not require this tend to be research doctors. Most prescribers are still trying to learn the best ways to conduct treatment.

Patients willing to take the treatment tend to already be their species in their minds, which reaffirms that through their bodies. Surprisingly, a large number of patients are prescribed Dragon HRT. Being the most drastic change and painful, the patients are unusually well prepared. Limitations of the treatment are the anthropomorphic look of any species from a complete treatment. This must be stressed more, as those looking for a total change are few due to treatment issues in the feral state. Similarly, halting treatment creates form issues as the body is lost between the two species. Dangerous loss of body chemistry is the most common symptom. Rare cases show the subject completely losing their mind, usually triggered by outside factors from the treatment. Additional stress outside of the treatment is a major contributing factor.

Detailed Example Patient Treatment Session: Treatments are conducted the same way every visit. The subject must confirm pre-treatments of SMD are in their system (usually injections by the patient at home, followed up by bloodwork before visits) The subject enters one of the treatment rooms, is restrained, and the technician exits the room to a radiation-safe room. The subject has to remain awake for the entire treatment. The beam is placed before the top of the subject's head and then travels the length of the body, doing a diagnosis pass. After target centers are found, the beam traverses the body again, firing out segments of DNA for up to an hour. SMD, already in the body in mass, fills in these breaks relatively instantaneously. Once the technician determines the procedure, the subject is released from restraint and taken to postop holding. Another hour of post-treatment study is mainly used to verify that the body has accepted the changes. If issues are found, subsequent treatments may be required in the same session. Most patients complain of a stinging, burning sensation across their body up to two hours post-treatment. Some even mention a sometimes even "metallic burning" smell. This is attributed to the particle beam trimming and has been determined to be inconsequential.

Provider Insurance Notes: Some physicians who perform the procedure have to list treatment as a type of cancer needing radiation and gene therapy. Most insurance does not cover treatment outright; in some states, the treatment is outright banned. Some patients have been known to damage their cells through /redacted/ to justify full treatment immediately. Advise patients not to take these steps as it can drastically affect treatment outcomes.

Informal Summary (the part Dr. Dipshit ignored): As one of the team of researchers who founded this procedure, I cannot stress enough how important this work is to hundreds of thousands of people. Streamlining treatment and hastening treatment acceptance must be paramount, as some patients have no time to wait. We must be thankful that science has given us this through years of work and the support of those who need it most. As a soon-to-be patient, I implore those delivering this care to remember their goal as healthcare providers and their oath in our field. It may be messy, and you may get thrown across the room by a frustrated patient, but don't hold it against them. Know that because of you, they are still there, able to be frustrated because of your dedication to their care.

[lizardywizard]

so my voice is dropping, and i'm getting a lot of bad cracking. i've been told you won't experience cracking so badly if you try to speak in a deeper register to begin with.

but like. and no one tells you this part.

i have been mentally accommodating for the "girly" sound of my voice for like 40 years. i have always hated sounding feminine.

as a result, my brain pitches down my voice, mentally. it sounds much deeper in my head than it does on recordings.

so now, when i speak with a deep voice with the addition of T, it's a fucking rumble. it's like stormclouds overhead, it's like beating wings. i love it... but T hasn't caught up with the rest of me yet, and i don't feel like my body looks masc enough or dragon enough that it fits.

so now i'm extra dysphoric about that. gotta just. chill and appreciate my bassy rumbles, damnit. bc i can do them now!!!