#i think im going to spend the rest of my life feeling like i was just over exaggerating everything

[cyberhughes]

Could I please get a rum & coke? #17 with Connor Bedard

cyberhughes 200 follower special ⋆ .˚

rum & coke coming up!!

prompt #17: "i can't get you out of my head."

warnings: breakups, angst angst angst

fuck sorry this one kinda hurt i think im projecting w this one guys LOL (god help me.)

prompt list

connor bedard was the love of your life.

was.

officially, you had been with him for two years, but you knew him longer than that. the two of you sharing a bond stronger than anything throughout your childhood.

it had been one year since the end of said relationship, one year since he had left you crying in front of your apartment as he walked away with your heart, and one year since you had lost your best friend and lover in one fell swoop, your twin flame.

you grieved like never before. it was almost worse than grieving someone who was dead, because he was still out there, keeping your heart captive.

you couldn't even remember what the first few weeks after the breakup were like. you had locked yourself away in your apartment, letting your entire being be consumed by sorrow.

it truly came out of nowhere, the two of you were happy. or at least, you thought you were.

"connor, what are you talking about?" your smile faltered as he stood in front of you, hands in his pockets while he stared at you with that emotionless expression he always had. "it's just not working." his words rang in your ears and you could feel the reality settle in.

your lips moved to speak but shut just as quickly. you didn't know what to say, how could you? the two of you just worked, he was your soulmate and you were his. he had seen every part of you, felt every part of you, taken every part of you. you gave him your everything,

so what the hell wasn't working?

that's the question that you had destroyed yourself over for the past year. when connor left you, he had taken a piece of your soul with him, and you weren't sure if you'd ever get it back. and so, you'd spend the rest of your life yearning for that piece, yearning for him.

while you were together he was always on your mind of course, but now it felt as if he had taken over you, your thoughts consumed by nothing more than him. you could only think of the sound of his comforting voice, which was now starting to fade away. you could only think of the way his smile could make your heart melt in an instant. you could only think of the way his lips molded to yours as he kissed you. it was like he had left a poison in you when he left, ensuring that he would be the only one you'd ever love.

it wasn't healthy, is what your friends told you. it wasn't healthy to still be hung up on your ex boyfriend after a whole year. but he was more than that, he was your partner, in every sense of the word. you had gone through everything with him, been there for him when no one else was.

now the only thing you were going through was his instagram, scrolling the feed that had already been graced by that little red heart. he was doing good, better than good. maybe you were holding him back, not allowing him to shine as bright as he could. that's all you ever wanted for him, so why couldn't you accept this?

you found yourself going through old photos and texts, not having deleted his number even after a year. soon you found your thumb hovering over his name in your contacts, your mind daring you to call him.

and so you did.

it rang once.

then it rang twice.

and just as it was about to ring that third time, as you were about to hang up knowing he'd never respond, you heard his voice.

"hello?" he spoke softly and you felt your whole body tense as you heard the voice that you once sought out for comfort. sure, you had put yourself in this situation, but you didn't think he would actually pick up.

your breath was shaky as you spoke, "i can't..." your voice cracked, and you were glad he couldn't see you in this pathetic state.

"y/n?"

"i can't get you out of my head." your voice was barely above a whisper, yet he caught every single word.

"it's been a year." he spoke sternly, as if you didn't recognize that, and suddenly it felt like you were being transported right back to that night where he had first broken your heart.

your eyes welled with tears as you heard him sigh over the phone, did he not miss you the way you missed him?

"why did you end it?" you asked, feeling your heartrate increase, you shouldn't have called him like this.

"y/n why are you-"

"tell me." you pleaded as the tears fell down onto your cheeks. a lifetime ago he would've been the one to wipe them away, telling you he'd never let anything hurt you, but he ended up being the one to.

the other end went silent for a moment before he spoke, "i didn't love you anymore."

you felt your heart drop deeper than it ever had, never expecting him to answer in such a way. "why? did i do something wrong?" you didn't know why you bothered asking, he didn't give you a reason then, and he probably wouldn't now.

"i had more important things to focus on." he rubbed salt in the wound, as if you were never important to him. as if you weren't the first name he'd call for whenever something happened to him, as if you weren't the one to carry his weight when he felt like he couldn't continue, as if you weren't the one who kept the flame of his soul alight. he didn't care as much as you did, he never did.

and so you hung up.

call ended.

connor looked down at his phone, "fuck." his lip quivered as he tried to hold it together.

you were always the most important thing to him, and that's why he had to let you go. he didn't want to tie you down, a ball and chain keeping you from pursuing your own dreams as you followed him around the nhl.

he knew you'd be alright eventually, and he knew that you’d find someone who could give you all their love in ways he couldn’t. after all he knew you better than you knew yourself.

and that's why he selfishly kept a piece of your heart, because he never truly wanted to let you go.

[zackcharine]

I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh

[kaisollisto]

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[vergilmayhoard]

sometimes i hate everyone and my life and sometimes i think it would be better if i just died at this point

[itsalwaysdark]

its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

[coridallasmultipass]

Has Dirk ever actually eaten steak?

(TW casual animal death I guess, sorry)

Okay, so this is a total shitpost idea I had last night on Tweeter and I said I'd make it a post here, so I'm following through. Bear with me, because if I jump past my thought process, I'll probably sound like a total maniac for even imagining this.

Let me back up.

I was thinking about Dirk (a normal occurrence). Then I start thinking about Nepeta, since they have the same Aspect. And then I start thinking about Tavros' cat allergies. So then I circle back to Dirk, since Dirk has obviously never seen a cat in person before, and therefore has no built-up immunity to cat dander, and would definitely be hella allergic. (Also, it's been my headcanon since, like, the dawn of time, that Dirk would have a shit immune system when it comes to humans, on account of never being around another person in his life, and he probably gets super sick upon meeting up with people in person for the first time.)

Back to the steak quote. Dirk has obviously never eaten like, actual steak from a cow before. Cows probably don't even exist anymore, outside of maybe a scant few super high elevation places on the other side of the globe. He probably wouldn't be able to digest it well regardless, since he's never had red meat. Dirk says he fishes, and he's obviously got seagulls around, so that's probably also on the menu (besides the super expired canned and dry ration shit left behind), and it's as natural as eating chicken is for everyone else (cough chicken of the sea joke cough), and he assumes that's what chicken is supposed to taste like, which leads to a hilarious spit-take for his first time trying actual chicken.

Moving forward to post-game. We're gonna set this scenario inside a neat little anime beach episode setting where everyone is happy and alive, because that makes it hilarious. Everyone's having a chill day at the beach. The seagulls presumably pester everyone who has a shiny bag of chips in their hands. People are playing volleyball. It's lunch time.

Dirk is looking at the seagulls eyeballing his bag of chips like, "Man, these guys are so dumb, watch this." And he calls a seagull over because he knows how to call them in a way they immediately trust him, and just... kills it quickly, and goes, "Alright, that was easy, let's start the barbecue, guys."

But there's a pall that's fallen over everyone. The beach ball blows past like a tumbleweed. Everyone's* mouth is agape in pure horror.

Dirk looks at the seagull in his hands. And back at the group. And he's like, "This is another one of those things I needed to deprogram, isn't it."

Everyone is whispering like, "What the fuck..." But to make things worse, Jade declares that there needs to be a funeral for the seagull, because literally no one else there is okay with eating it (and no one told Dirk beforehand, but someone already brought store-bought and pre-seasoned chicken for the barbecue, which doesn't make sense to him because it's not even fresh, aren't you supposed to have like a 'catch of the day' type of thing? Someone has to tell him that that only applies to fish, however arbitrary that seems). And Dirk has to stand there, living the most embarrassing moment of his life, keeping his cool, while perfectly good seagull meat is being lowered into the ground. People build a fucking sand castle memorial.

Jade like, gives him a hug like, "It's okay, Dirk, you didn't mean to do it." And Dirk has to bite back a 'Yeah, I kinda did mean it. This is stupid, and if anything, even worse to waste its life for nothing.' But he has enough self-awareness to know when to at least keep his mouth shut to prevent further damage.

He never could get over how weird chicken actually tastes, it's like fluffy and weird and doesn't even fit the theme of a beach party.

*everyone, except Jake and Nepeta/Davepeta, is completely scandalized at the image of Dirk just snapping a seagull's neck like it's nothing. They still wouldn't eat it, but they at least don't think he's a murderer for doing it.

[definitelynotshouting]

heya i just wanted to tell you how genuinely important your arospec scarian thing is to me

the line "He's not sure what he wants, what's expected of him here" has just helped me solve a tiny crisis i've been having for the past month+ and on one hand i can't believe a fic about blockmen kissing is helping me figure this out but on the other hand im thinking of course it was your writing that helped me realize what is happening in my little feelings hole

anyway, just wanted to say thank you for how real and beautiful your writing is

sincerely, an aro/ace person who's feeling a little more okay about their crisis because you're an awesome human

HEY ANON,,,,, THIS IS SO SWEET WTF..... holy shit im literally speechless. I dont even remotely know what to say to such a genuine and heartfelt message, except that i am so, so happy ive managed to help you like this with my writing

Writing the arospec stuff was really interesting for me, personally, because thats an aspect of myself ive never really... set out much space to think about??? Ive known for a while that im probably demiromantic, considering how close i have to be with people before i can even begin to catch feelings, but ive never truly and consciously explored that within my writing before until now. And the fact that finally doing so has helped someone with a personal crisis really makes me so teary-eyed like hello...... oh my gods.

Thank you for taking the time to tell me this, and im so glad ive managed to help out despite being a virtual stranger. That novelty is never gonna wear off for me. I hope you're having a good day, anon❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ take care of yourself!! :]

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Wondering if I feel weird about jobs bc I have almost exclusively worked high stress high turnover jobs

[readymades2002]

briefly confided in my mother (mistake i never learn from) about how i am very sad that my ability to have a social life in the world is tied entirely to my sibling, who will be leaving here soon, and how i do not have any other way to get out of the house and how i do not feel i have anything besides work and despite everything that came after, including an apology for saying it, the first thing she said was “well i don’t have anything else either” which is exactly what prevented me from saying anything earlier because i knew that and i know that she is very good at going “it is what it is” about the most miserable of conditions and so would never admit to being unhappy about anything even though there is so much to be unhappy about including having to raise me to begin with, and that she also gets annoyed when others complain or are unhappy about anything because SHE does it and so why can’t everyone do it. and. well. i am pretty nervous about what this means for my life (nonexistent) going forward

[kindred-spirit-93]

plate of sambusa is the new fruit bowl

[dreamingpine]

do you think my characters hate me for loving them and hateing them and putting them thru it?

[orcelito]

There's also the impulse to be like "women ain't shit" but that's a lie I love our women. Not women as a whole's fault that one of them turned out a selfish bastard of a coward.

I just need to find a woman who doesn't treat me like That. Get me a good butch. I need me a good butch.

[shot-messenger]

ough

[widevibratobitch]

i spend a few days in Poznań and i immediately start ignoring everything about Wrocław. all uni groupchats. all uni friends. none of it is real none of it exists i am happy here and i never wanna go back <3

[itsalwaysdark]

ome day i will be so normal