#that theyd atleast give the consideration to tell me that they dont want me around
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#is it weird to hope that you wont always have to be the person to initate#i stop being the first to reach out or to put forth effort and suddenly its always quiet#i get to eavesdrop on the plans other people have made for everyone else#idk if the empty pit i feel in my stomach is jealousy or simply that i know to most everyone in my life i am not a priority to them#idk if its selfish to want to be#being wanted isnt enough i need reciprocity#i need more than being tolerated or acquiesce but i dont even really get that#im trying not to lose faith in the human connection but i am just too tired to care if people want to be around me at this point#im tired of jumping through hoops to be loved#im tired of investing effort into relationships only to end up empty handed and wounded#when i do good things i dont take tally i dont want to hold a debt#they do not owe me#i cant help but wish however that people cared for me the way that i did for them#that theyd atleast give the consideration to tell me that they dont want me around#im not even trying to withdrawl at this point#im just simply too exhausted to put in all of the effort and so i suppose i will have to be okay with being empty handed#what i supply is not desired and there is nothing i can do to change that#i cannot make people like me#i cannot make people care about me#i cannot make people show me they care#i cant do anything but control my own actions#i dont think i will ever recover from this burnout and i think i will probably spend the rest of my life lonley unless i beg not to be#im not going to beg anymore#sm.txt#unrecoverable
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