#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have
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anxiouslypretty5 · 2 days ago
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ALL of MY VOID success stories
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before i get to anything, no im not giving you proof, (not because im lying. but because i simply don’t have too) and 2 don’t even ask🫶🏽
1st void state success story (2022/2023 idk)
i used the lullaby method idk who the original creator is but i’ll just tell you what i manifested.
revising my age + my birth year
getting rid of odd genetic traits (sicknesses)
removing my eczema
a 360 appearance change
becoming more hyperfeminine
getting rid of stereotypes
becoming very smart in school
a new phone
better vocal cords
my mom owning a successful flower shop
2nd void state success story (2023)
a few college recommendations
once in a lifetime opportunities
a necklace that allows me to shift to any universe i desire to be in
removing my shyness + ed
a violin
my desired wardrobe
weighing 35KG forever (I DO NOT SEE MY BONES, DONT take it out of context)
curvy waist
3rd void state success story (2024)
concert tickets
fun exciting life
bug repellent (i hate bugs)
better immune system + my body naturally restoring healthy cells every day (safely)
changed my eating habits
reversing/fixing my mental health
getting rid of all generational curses
everyone in my family knowing how to talk to each other maturely
revising a death that was the root cause of my family breakage
healthy teeth + immune to getting any type of cavity or mouth infection/disease
exceeding the beauty standards (goes for like every country)
hairless body (except for my eyelashes, eyebrows and my hair ofc)
being good at every game i play
a few trips to brazil, jamaica, qatar, japan and france
made school more fun and also making the teachers teach me useful information
homework not existing anymore
all my desired perfumes
walking in heels is always comfortable and my feet never hurt after so many hours
4th void state success story (2025)
basically anything i even think of instantly comes to me
knowing how to do hair
a great cook and knowing how to make the cutest pastries
being able to lucid dream every night + waking up in the void every morning
use my ideas as inspiration idc (wisely) 😭 i’m barely on this app because look at my LIFE. have fun manifesting though guys🫶🏽
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allie-ggggay · 13 hours ago
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drops big ol hc list
chan takes birth control ( cuz of david.. side eying david), iron pills n anti depressants, she diesnt admit to being emo she tells ppl she takes it for shits n giggles (shes been given it by a professional doctor) OR tracy's like "ay want some drugs" n chans like free drugs hell yeah?? but its secretly anti depressants
vros got the worse insomnia and internalized homophobia so she'll just lay there at night being like "girls cant love girls girls cant love girls girls cant love girls GIRLS CANT LOVE GIRLS"
she havs hypersexuality cuz of david, kurt n ram cuz yeah theyre gross
she picks every scab she had, but she tries not to pick any on her face, hands or neck cuz she doesnt want them to be out there and stuff
she has so many freckles, most are on her face, chest and legs but a few more are on the rest of her body
she has stretch marks and absolutely HATES them but its ok riley im joy
shes not an elegant cryer she SOBS and her nose RUNS and her eyes get all red and PUFFY
she hates getting her hair touched and messed up, mac, roni n duke have to get permission from her, if they dont they get a hand to the cheek
she hates being alone sm if shes alone you just know she's calling one of the heathers
if she gets tired of walking she'll ask mac for a piggy back ride
when chan gets hurt that girl SHREIKS, like if she stubs her toe all ur gonna hear is "……aaAAAAAAAA-"
bros got religious trauma n stuff cuz her parents r religious asf n homophobic n like, say 'gay ppl r sinners' n shes like 'wait.. am i a sinner?' n cries
chan rlly struggled making friends as a kid because she thought no one would like her since her parents never came to events or really were ever seen by her peers and how she was still trying to mask her adhd but being a kid, she struggled with that stuff n only got popular when being mature was cool and she could mask better
chans rlly clingy with the heathers (a lot more if she dates any of them or ronnie) cuz her parents didnt rlly lile, give her hugs so she gotta get lots to fill in for the ones she didnt get as a child
tw sh/suicide implied ghost heather followed veronica everywhere, when she found out what happened to mcnamara, she cried to veronica the whole afternoon, sure they couldnt touch but heather floated right above veronica for comfort, she was upset with duke but she missed both of them
tw sorta parent neglect her parents never paid attention because they wanted a boy, not a girl, if it was a boy theyd show average yet minimal love but being a girl, she got the bare minimum, she felt unloved and like she wasnt good enough, she thought of being a boy to make them happy but they were transphobic and later on she found out she liked girls in a gay way so
tw sa mention she gets a couple bruises from david sometimes, but once she got a full on scar from him, her puffy curly hair hides it but she has a scar on the back of her head from him being a tad too rough
tw sa/r@p3 when chan was 14 she met david at that years prom, he was 17 and for her she was like "ok i think hes my age and dad wants me to have a bf so i should try" even tho she was crushing on a girl, he took her home and got her drunk to sa her but he like, said he was allowed to? and shes sorta gone back to drinking after to cope and stuff also she struggles taking and accepting compliments esp on things david would say things like (tw implied sa) "your hair is so sexy to pull" or "such pretty lips, taking me so well" she'd think someone complimenting those things would mean they were thinking the same he was and planned on doing the same, some ppl have exceptions like heather n heather
tw's over, she hides it a lot but she's slightly chubby but always wears something tight to conceal is, she rlly doesnt like her body but she forces herself to get over it anyway because people would get upset if the demon queen herself was insecure shes a TERRIBLE cook, she burns almost anything she makes somehow dont ask how she just does, something she likes doing is cooking but she jst cant without burning the whole kitchen down chan HATES her grandma cuz shes one of those rlly old christian asf people that nag and nag and whenever you go over shes extremely touchy, chans very picky on who she allows to touch her and her grandma is NOT pne of those people, if shes forced to go she just plays with her nans cat she acts all tough but she has really bad sensory issues (massive projection but shhhhh) the happy ending, david broke up with heather when she turned 18 because hes a creep like that and she finally decides to go to therapy after it all, she realizes she was hella groomed but shes still so scared of him and keeps his identity secret, she finally sees shes allowed to be gay and comes out to her friends only she squeaks/whines slightly when she stretches you cant convince me otherwise once after a party (n david touched her) she didnt bring her car so she walked to dukes house and threw up on her carpet, dukes mum was awake and helped take care of her just so she could go back to bed, chan had a killer hangover in the morning and cuddled with duke all day shes really bad at spelling like REALLY bad gets either C- or D- on her spelling/vocab tests she naturally has really soft skin/hands n loves holding heather and heathers hands and being complimented on it, but a massive downside is she bruises super easily, sometimes she'll wake up with random bruises and have no idea where they came from this ones just a random au but i think its really silly, chandler survived because they actually called 911 in time and they saved her, she is forced to go mute due to the drain cleaner damaging her vocal cords to no repair, shes now forced into therapy and gets the rest of the school year off to recover, she has a few bandages and plasters from falling through the glass table, some not needing to last long but a few turning into scars, she has constant throat pain and veronica feels really guilty, she tries making it up to her but chandler cant ever bring herself to forgive or talk to her, she SO wouldve snitched but jd threatened mac n dukes safety for her to stay quiet, shes struggling to cope n wishes she just did die so she didnt have this pain continuing on the earlier insomnia hc, if she can actually get herself to sleep she can get rlly bad nightmares and have no idea where they came from (AHEM PROJECTION AHEM AHEM) n some nights she'll call one of the heathers crying at like 2am and be like "heather i had a bad dream :(((" I HAVE SM MORE BUT I DONT WANNA MAKE U READ TOO MUCH
HAPPY LESBIAN COMING OUT DAY!! @heathermcnamara1989 @therealheatherc @ask-veronica-sawyerr @norwegian-in-the-boiler-room @ask-the-younger-sawyer @thx-tiniest-lifeb0at @unnamed-freshmen-official @westerbergs-therapist @heatherdukesblazer @stonxr-chick
EVERYONE SAY CONGRATULATIONS TO HEATHER CHANDLER FOR BEING A HUGE LESBIAN!
Drop by my house too we have cake and decorations and we’ll be crashing a remington party if Heather Chandler doesn’t come
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choccy-milky · 4 months ago
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sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )
#READ SO I CAN YAP TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM🙏😩💘#the seb sickfic made me realize how much i needed barely functioning and sick seb (but him still trying to be tough)#theres also a part that cracked me up bc at one point seb is so sick he cant even see straight but he just thinks to himself:#eh its fine.... ill just ask ominis how HE functions without vision later🤷 LMFAO#so stubborn...JUST LET CLORA TAKE CARE OF YOU MFER🤺🤺🤺#defs gonna be drawing more from it especially sick seb LMAO but also seb having a tea party with celeste🥹🥹#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfiction#sebastian sallow fanfiction#hphl#choccyart#also i was never planning on writing anything about clora giving birth or abt the kids so to be able to read it WAS AMAZING#THERES A PART WHERE SEB IS HOLDING CELESTE AND CRYING AT CLORAS BEDSIDE THAT I NEED TO DRAW😭😭#LIKE SRSLY seb being conflicted and not even wanting to HOLD celeste bc he doesnt know if clora is alive or not... IT WAS SO SAD BUT GOOD#i honestly dont know what seb would do if clora died in childbirth tbh.......i could honestly see him resenting celeste#esp since she looks so much like clora😭😭#LETS JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT!😃👍#(still thinking about it)#like this line in the fic: “Sebastian hesitated; if this was Clora’s last gift to him he wasn’t sure he wanted it.”#😭😭😭ITS SO GOOD UGHHHHH😭 TY AGAIN FOR WRITING THESE💖IM SO TOUCHEDDD💖💖
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greatestjubilee · 1 year ago
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bleh
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lunarharp · 1 year ago
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if i just told you i love you would this world change
#witch hat tag#orufrey#these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was#some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that#like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god#aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it#ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this#the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings#“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want#to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you#maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me#i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life#until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to#NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*
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puppppppppy · 1 year ago
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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zackcharine · 1 month ago
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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
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bunnyboy-juice · 3 months ago
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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the-gayest-show · 3 days ago
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i LOVE procrastinating this is fun i KNOW i have assignments to do but i cannot bring myself to do them. i am actually bored out of my mind. i have assignments to do and im bored. i COULD do assignments but i can't be bothered to start
and then im stressed as i realize ive eaten my whole day up doing nothing. is this laziness? i heard being lazy meant relaxing but im doing everything but these assignments. and i feel awful
#posts#were my irl friends right in their joking manners?#do i have some form of adhd to match my autism or am i just lazymaxxing but with some 4th wall narrator in my mind that tells me#“you know its due right. you are WASTING TIME” and i say “i know but how to start doing”#and brain goes “*shrug*” so i go back to being bored#bored and stressed.#im senior year these grades define whether im keeping my school offers. i need to MAINTAIN THEM. bare minimum. that's ALL they want.#bare minimum is do assignment in meh quality so at least i dont get a 0#and i don't tank my grade by like 20% (turning my 80s into horrible 60s) and risk losing acceptances where minimums were 70 or 80s#i would rather do a shitty job than do no job. i need JOB i need PRODUCT to SUBMIT. ON TIME FOR THAT MATTER. if not on time than no grade.#writing this has inspired me to do the least best i can as long as i finish the assignment and i have it done. like not piss poor but like.#no perfectionism. fuck it all my assignments be due today and tommorow we threw out the concept of getting 90s#when we started getting 70s on stuff i DID put effort into#so as long as i pass and my overall grade looks the same ISH give or take 1-2% i should be fine#unis and colleges count the 2nd smemester too and if anything its more lax there#if i get better grades next sememster i can throw out piss poor clss (animation is looking to be the worst but not by big margin)#and replace it with a cooler grade to form my better GPA#because they only count 5 gr12 credits and mixed with my film dual credit i get 6 credits#anyways enough ranting i accidentally hyped myself up i will go find a tutorial for The Program#and try not to kill myself if the interfaces do not look 100% the same (the tutorials use a previous version of same app)
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lapdogchase · 1 year ago
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i really dont understand studying at all like genuinely i don't know what it is . i know about "taking notes" and "reading the textbook" and that's it . quizlet doesn't do shit for me because i don't know what to. do. with the cards. look at them ? am i supposed to just look at them . No one bothered teaching me actual skills bc i got good grades when i was 8 and now i am so hopelessly lost . why did no one think to teach me this for when stuff got harder than four plus three
#text#ive never understood flashcards . like what to do with them. how is that any more different or helpful than just like... writing a list on#paper of vocab terms or whatever#and like conceptually i know 'learning' is like. not only committing things to memory but also being able to engage with it which#is why teachers loveeeee group discussions and essays. but like. you read the text and then you go to class and Discuss but how do you#Learn what the text is saying like how do you . put it in your brain and udnerstand and remember it .#i think im missing something very simple because everyone else in the world seems to understand this fine#like where does the part where you go oh! i understand this and can explain it in my own words. Happen#how do u force it to happen if its not something ur autistic about#Like the only example i can think of rn of this is when i hyperfixated on hpa axis dysregulation + trauma a couple weeks ago#so i was learning stuff about it for Fun and not for school so no comprehension tests or notes or anything#and basically i'd just put on a webinar while i sorted seaglass or worked on sewing or whaever#and i can explain the concept fine. ur brain controls ur body so if it gets too scared ur body loses its shit basically.#but i dont remember most of the words. i still can barely define neurotransmitter#i can apply this to my own life but i confuse the hippocampus and the frontal lobe and the amygdala etc#and i couldnt point out any of them on a diagram#i dont get it . like i know a lot and simultaneously nothing at all abt it#how am i supposedto be remembering words and numbers AND understanding the concepts AND im supposed to do that between#reading the book and engaging in thoughtful conversation with my peers i dont understand
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ana-rends · 7 months ago
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i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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I know I'm sort of rapid-posting here a little bit but I've been really wanting to read the Chasing Storm book again but because I can't at the moment I'm rewatching Cars 3 and I'm realizing more and more I have less and less proper reasoning if I get questioned why I like him.
Which I'm now giggling over remembering how I used to skip over the entire middle part of the movie because I just wanted the bits of him in the beginning and ending segments. First movie that I learned every entire bit of dialog to. I used to do the dishes to that movie playing.
#“irritating. prick. What an ass.” I say contently with my heart full.#He's not even doing anything horrendous he's literally just a pain.#I can't even say that it's the book that made me like him cause it was the second he started speaking I cracked.#I was immediately like “I like a car romantically yup I'm going to Hell” /joking.#I used to recite “My taste can't possibly get any worse” years ago in middle school when I had a TMNT phase.#I would love to tell past me about current me behavior.#I'm getting more and more shameless about it. On my blog at least. So don't worry(or do).#Am I going to start hyper Jackson Storm posting now is this what is happening here. I've been sloely thinking about him more and more.#I. hold on. hoolddddd on. Im going to shout. Have I never posted art of him here. Do yall not know what he looks like how I see him.#I mean I've been planning on posting art of him with all the art things I've been vagueing at and mentioning wanting to do.#But wow I can't believe that. That's actually gonna make me go bonkers.#Then again it took me who knows how long to finally get art of Lightning on here. Nonetheless one that I actually enjoy and think properly-#-looks like him.#I suppose it makes sense it took me this long to get art of Jackson out now.#Have I. Have I even posted any screenshots. This blog is seriously lacking in the Storm department.#Especially considering obligatory mention of him being the first one I started liking and.#I will save my life story of liking him for later.#Now im not gonna say anything to jinx anything here but.#I so wanna draw him right now if it wasn't for me being in a car right now and. It is impossible for me to draw while in a car.#I can barely write while in a car! I dont know how some people pull it off.#self ship#selfship#selfshipping#self shipping#jackson🖤💙
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chalupaconspiracy · 2 months ago
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#vent post#suicide tw#my go to response to everything can not be “i want to die.” like great#its not like I actually want to or will follow through on it but fuck.#years worth of character growth and here I am back in fucking a middle school mindset.#like what even is the fucking point.#why am i trying to hard for people wuo do not care.#i feel so stupid.#and like I dont know what to do.#i tried to fix things and it just made them worse.#and i'm still in so much pain!!!!!!!!#just the funky little cherry on goddamned top.#its almost worse than highschool because at least then I didnt know what i was missing yet. and i didnt hurt all the time.#i could sleep for a day straight.#what is the point of getting up each day#being in more pain#and not able to find anything fun.#and being just a massive wet blanket to all my friends. for zero reason.#and then it just isolates me further.#and how stupid and petty and self fucking pitying it all is. like either get over it#have a massive spiral and get ACTUALLY in a dangerous situation#or just continue to sit and feel miserable for no reason and with no resolution.#like im not good at my job right now#im barely keeping my head above water.#like im so fucking done.#i dont know what to do or where to turn.#and im terrified that im going to fully dislocate my spine and be paralyzed.#it should not be floppy!!! it should not look like a patient with whiplash!#there is nothing to prevent it from moving out of place#so i just go about my life and hope that looking over my shoulder doesnt send me to the hospital.
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sonknuxadow · 2 years ago
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I'm not too big a Sonknux shipper (I don't really ship anyone with Sonic full stop) but for the sheer amount of Sonadow and rabid Sonadow shippers that popped up, I'm half tempted to create a 2:30 hour long Sonknux cinematic animation out of spite. It would be a quirky romcom with musical scenes which starts with Knuckles first meeting Sonic and ending with them kissing in front of the Master Emerald at their wedding.
i dont really have a problem with sonadow necessarily or people making jokes about them being gay in the new episode, i also went "🏳️‍🌈?" a few times while watching it. im mostly just annoyed that its everywhere at all times and so many people seem to have sonadow as their number one priority always and dont care about anything else.. like if you search sonic prime on here its just sonadow sonadow sonadow with not nearly as many posts about what actually happens in the episode or theorizing about what might happen next or even discussing sonic and shadows interactions beyond just going "omg sonadow!"... like is that really all you guys took from it? you dont care about anything else? just shipping? ok...
#and like i understand most of the sonic prime posting rn being about shadow and his interactions with sonic#because thats basically all this episode was. sonic and shadow running around#but again. most people arent even actuallytalking about any of it beyond the ship jokes. which is kind of annoying#also i kinda talked about this the other day but its so wild to me how sonic and knuckles are regularly doing the gayest shit imaginable#and most people dont care. but sonic and shadow have one or two gay moments every once in a while and the entire fanbase explodes#like im not saying you cant prefer sonic/shadow over sonic/knuckles#and im not trying to start an argument over which is better. i think the real answer is for them all to hold hands with eachother#i just dont understand why sonic/knuckles is so much less popular?#because in the actual games and comics and shows they have moments like this way more often than sonic and shadow do#but like i said most people dont really care. and when sonic and shadow so much as stand near eachother theyre suddenly canon boyfriends ??#if sonic and shadow did anything sonic and knuckles have done they would get like 10 times the reaction from it#and i know this for a fact to be true because people are currently shitting themselves over sonic carrying shadow#when sonic has carried knuckles multiple times before and barely anyone cared#like hello is everyone but me in some weird alternate dimension where shadow and knuckles have switched roles or something#sonic and knuckles are literally what people THINK sonic and shadow are i swear to god#asks#sonic prime spoilers
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itsalwaysdark · 4 months ago
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how it feels to want to dress very fancy and accessoried but unfortunately have the autism where i think im supposed to just be lounging in a field naked or in like. a plain linen dress. and any accessory or makeup or nail polish or ehat have you makes me want to rip my skin off
#cant wear rings bc they make my fingers feel heavy cant wear bracelets bc they move when i dont want them to same with necklaces cant wear#dangly earrings bc they r heavy cant wear small earrings bc they poke me sometimes and also headphones and also my ears r only barely#pierced. cant wear makeup bc it makes my face feel fake and also im bad at it and also would only wear it in weird freak ways cant wear#nail polish bc if it isnt perfectly smooth or chips At all i have to rip it off. cant wear tight or fitted clothes bc they restrict movemen#cant wear super loose flowy clothes bc sometimes the fabric bunches up weird. this is the hell im in#i just have to like. pick my bsttles. bc every clothing is slightly stressing but i can like. sometimes handle having more of the things#like if its a rly good day and a bunch of other autism specifications r met i can handle wearing a bracelet. but if one thing goes wrong i#start getting so insanely overstimulated -_-#bc do you know how difficult it is that i want to wear like. historical dresses. and other very structured clothing#but to also know that i get insanely stressed out wearing anything other than loose pants and big shirt. and even loose oants and big shirt#sometimes stresses me. im like currently being stressed out bc my sports bra (only type of bra i can wear) is a little bit too tight. UGH#idk. maybe magically like an 1890s gown is exactly the type of clothing that would suit my delicate idiot constitution. i wouldnt know#also disclaimer i couldnt be lounging in a field naked or wearing a short linen frock bc im fucking allergic to some varieties of grass. and#i get itchy. -_-
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