#i wrote this and immediately thought
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dreamingpine Ā· 4 months ago
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do you think my characters hate me for loving them and hateing them and putting them thru it?
#i wrote this and immediately thought#its not that serious go to sleep#but i noticed i have a kinda insert in a couple of my stories and the thought came to me#im like god in those stories but i hate having me in stories so i dont name them after me but deep down i know they are me#its werid. all of my ocs are me or someone i feel like i would like#like tobi i love that dude#idk im gonna sleep#this always happens when i go outside and then am forced to part with large sums of money because life#ā€œim gonna go on my stupid walk for my stupid healthā€#ā€œsure love that. btw you have to pay this btw. give me ur money. ur not using it right? promise i wont take it allā€#*takes it all*#its so fucked too because i end up spending more because im so fuck it done#ā€œi only have 24 dollars and 37 cents for the rest of the week even tho i got paid literally yesterday...i have to make it last...ā€#ā€œwhatever if i die i die im just gonna spend it on lunch idc anymoreā€#and lunch is like. chiken tenders. because i wanted hot food. and it sucks because i cant like. ask ppl for money.#because im sure there are ppl who need it more than someone who cant budget. i think they think i make more than i actually make.#i think thats why they keep taling so much. they dont account for taxes that get taken out because. i cant count. i will not lie. but i sai#i told them i get paid an amount hourly. and i timed that by the 40 not including what gets taken out. and then i#counted how much they keep taking from me and if i dont get taxes taken i would have a whole 100 extra to my name!#idk it would be awkward and difficult if i aired my grievance to them because then we wouldn't have a place to sleep anymore. or whatever h#whatever house we're supposedly saving for.#idk i dont procces my emotions deeply and im tired of sleeping in a hotel but its our cheapest option right now.#its better than staying in that house with the lights and water cut off because it was too expensive#idk. its not bad tho. i can get to work. i can take a bath. everyones crammed in one room but theres internet. i can go on my phone#lisyen to music or something. im sure i#thankfully. i dont want for things. so im not like ordering clothes and stuff we dont have room for. i just have a bed. which is nice.#oh no it turned into a vent
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neuro-psyche Ā· 6 months ago
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jason todd is a girls girl.
let me explain (ik ik i say that a lot)
Jason Peter Todd will stand on business if it means helping someone out, especially a woman.
A creepy man following you home? woah that's crazy jason todd is very suddenly your friend and just so happens to be walking the same way.
Someone being a dick to you in public and making a scene? jason intervenes, handling the person after calling you a cab and paying for it up front.
You need someone to watch your drink? Mr. Fucking Red Hood will stand with a gun held over the drink until you get back, regardless of what he was doing.
Jason Todd is a girls girl in my mind and I will die on this fucking hill.
seriously though I feel like he and Steph would recreate that sonic meme that's like
Steph, saying something about how she, Cass and Babs are better than the rest : -and I'll prove once and for all that a female can be just as good of an hero as a male!
Jason : You know, anytime someone calls attention to the breaking of gender roles, it ultimately undermines the concept of gender equality by implying this is the exception and not the status quo.
Steph :
Jason :
Everyone and their mother :
Jason : What? Just because I'm a resurrected zombie freak and assassin, doesn't mean I'm not a feminist. I read pride and prejudice, dammit.
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silverwhittlingknife Ā· 6 months ago
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So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!
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No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)
25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim
This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!
OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:
WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3
Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)
I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!
Below the cut:
I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)
On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)
Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)
I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)
I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)
I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)
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1) He thinks heā€™s so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesnā€™t know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)
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2) He thinks heā€™s so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesnā€™t know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)
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3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)
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4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)
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5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)
On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)
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6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily,Ā but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)
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7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)
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8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)
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9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)
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10) Heā€™s always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesnā€™t really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)
Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)
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11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)
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12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)
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13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)
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14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesnā€™t, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)
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15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)
I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)
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16) Heā€™s the closest thing to a brother Iā€™ll ever have.Ā  If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)
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17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)
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17) Heā€™s so good and Iā€™m not. I'm afraid Iā€™m bad for him. (Nightwing 110)
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18) Heā€™s better than me, and itā€™s kind of a relief because I know no matter what heā€™ll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)
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19) In my head heā€™s the responsible one.Ā  (Gotham Knights 10)
I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)
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20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)
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21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)
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22) I trust him.Ā  When Iā€™m losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)
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23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)
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24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)
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25) Heā€™s always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)
Final rambling thoughts:
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TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important? DICK: No? I think I got everything? TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building - DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.
SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when heā€™s falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Timā€™s POV, not Dickā€™s. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.
And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf
All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.
But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!
Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.
And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --
-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3
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#i enjoyed thinking about this so much i wrote a novel with All My Thoughts sorry sdfsdfs#tim drake#dick grayson#somewhat tangential but as i was writing this i was thinking about zahri's post#about how different types of stories offer different kinds of emotional payoffs#and i think for me for dick and tim the main two payoffs are:#1) someone who sees & understands your grief for deaths that will never get fixed or get better#and who will face your ghosts with you EVEN WHEN you're also mad at each other#2) someone who you look at and you see all the ways that you suck & he's better & you're a loser who's failed him etc etc#but it turns out that you're wrong. that you're good enough. not that none of the failures were real or that they were all in your head#but it turns out that it's okay that you didn't always immediately do or feel the right thing#and it's okay that you weren't perfect. you can fuck up six thousand ways & everything you did right will still matter#not because of making excuses or allowances or somebody pityingly trying to make you feel better#but because in the end the things you did right are just Genuinely More Valuable than anything you did wrong#all the times you tried & everything that you tried to give - everything you think wasn't good enough - it was.#IN OTHER WORDS they are both convinced they're not good enough & they are both wrong <3#anyway dick and tim are both INCREDIBLY SIMILAR and also CONSTANTLY misreading each other and i love that for them#and like. they will sometimes totally misread each other & then never figure out the part that they misunderstood#but then they manage to keep going anyway. we love each other on purpose <333#ask tag#dick&tim
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delta-piscium Ā· 1 year ago
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Steddie | 1.7k words it is (swedish) midsummer so I wrote this based on my favorite old tradition because I can and will make anything steddie, so like glad midsommar (happy midsummer)
ā€œWhat are you doing?ā€ Steve asks as he follows Eddie to the hallway where heā€™s frantically putting on his shoes.Ā 
ā€œI almost forgot,ā€ he mutters under his breath not acknowledging Steve at all.
ā€œForgot what?ā€Ā 
ā€œI canā€™t believe I almost forgot.ā€Ā 
ā€œEddie,ā€ Steve says a little louder, more adamant.
He does look up at Steve then and almost looks surprised to see him. As if heā€™d forgotten he was there, as if they havenā€™t been hanging out for hours.Ā 
ā€œOh,ā€ he says. ā€œUhm,ā€ he squints at Steve who waits for him to continue, to explain. He doesnā€™t.
ā€œYes?ā€ Steve implores because he would really like an explanation. Eddie had just abruptly stood up halfway through telling Steve about some folklore heā€™s using in his new campaign, just cut himself off mid-sentence and walked off. Steve doesnā€™t think itā€™s especially weird or demanding of him to have questions.Ā 
ā€œDid you have other plans that you just now remembered?ā€ Steve frowns, starting to feel unsure when Eddie still isnā€™t saying anything. Itā€™s just past eleven at night and Steve doesnā€™t know what plans those would be but he had showed up unannounced earlier in the evening so itā€™s not impossible that Eddie had plans that Steve interrupted.Ā 
ā€œNo, no, no,ā€ Eddie assures him finally breaking his silence, ā€œitā€™s- okay itā€™s a little silly but I read this thing researching and I want to try it.ā€Ā 
And well, okay then.
Steve raises his eyebrows and waves his hand gesturing for Eddie to go on.Ā 
Eddieā€™s cheeks turn a light pink and he resolutely looks somewhere above Steveā€™s shoulder instead of at him.Ā 
ā€œMidsummer, which is today, is supposed to be this magical night and there are all these traditions and old myths about it.ā€Ā 
Eddie glances at Steve and he smiles. Tries to show heā€™s listening and wants to know whatever thing Eddie read about.Ā 
ā€œAnd well, okay so thereā€™s this one tradition where you pick seven different kinds of flowers before you go to bed and then put them under your pillow and youā€™re supposed to dream about who youā€™re gonna spend your life with.ā€Ā 
Steve blinks, wasnā€™t expecting that and doesnā€™t know what to say about it, so, he blinks again.Ā 
ā€œMaybe itā€™s dumb, but with all weā€™ve seen magic and folklore donā€™t seem so far-fetched and,ā€ he shrugs, ā€œI wanna try. And like, itā€™s close to midnight and I donā€™t know if thatā€™s a rule but I donā€™t wanna risk messing it up.ā€
ā€œIt- huh,ā€ Steve frowns slightly and looks at his shoes then back at Eddie. ā€œYeah alright, letā€™s do it. Canā€™t hurt right?ā€Ā 
His voice is light, like itā€™s not a big deal and just a fun thing Eddie read about because thatā€™s what it is, isnā€™t it? But something about it settles deep in Steveā€™s gut. Makes it feel important in a way heā€™s not sure he could explain if he tried. Maybe itā€™s just the fact that Eddie is getting so worked up about the possibility of dreaming about the person heā€™s gonna spend his life with when Steve maybe a little bit wishes it would be him, but like, only a little.Ā 
Eddie looks at him with wide eyes like he didnā€™t expect Steve to want to join, like maybe he expected Steve to make fun of him for wanting to do it. But then something seems to switch in him and a slow smile spreads over his face and he gives Steve an exaggerated once over.Ā 
ā€œLooking to find your true love huh, Harrington?ā€Ā 
ā€œI thought you said it was the person you spend your life with, not the same as true love necessarily.ā€ Steve quips back because technicalities are easier to argue over than answering that question, especially when Eddie is the one asking.
Eddie shrugs. ā€œDifferent sources say different things, sometimes itā€™s true love sometimes itā€™s who you marry.ā€Ā 
ā€œWell, then I guess weā€™re both looking to find our true loves?ā€ Steve hedges, drags Eddie down with him if theyā€™re gonna go there.Ā 
A soft look passes Eddieā€™s face before a responds, voice quieter. ā€œGuess we are, yeah.ā€Ā 
They pick their flowers in silence, something about the magic being broken if you speak. Walking around the edge of the woods behind Eddieā€™s trailer a couple of feet apart, every once in a while coming together or crossing paths.Ā 
After, Steve stands in between Eddieā€™s trailer and his own car. Holding on to his bouquet of seven flowers unsure what to do. He could go home, he should go home, but he doesnā€™t want to. He did have some beers hours ago and if he was allowed to speak heā€™d use that as an excuse to not drive and ask Eddie to crash on his couch. Right now he canā€™t though so he sighs inwardly and turns to his car.Ā 
He makes it about two steps before a hand reaches out and grips him around his free wrist stopping him. When he turns around Eddie is giving him a look that very clearly says ā€˜stop being stupidā€™ and jerks his head towards the trailer silently telling Steve to go with him. He doesnā€™t let go though and uses his grip on Steve to drag him along like he canā€™t be sure Steve will actually listen and follow. As if Steve would ever not follow Eddie.Ā 
They quickly get ready for bed. And again when Steve walks toward the couch Eddie grabs him and shakes his head. He waves his arms around a bit like thatā€™s supposed to explain anything but Steve isnā€™t too bothered about an explanation anyways and easily follows Eddie to his bedroom.Ā 
Theyā€™ve shared a bed before but always when theyā€™ve been drunk or high so this feels different. Steve is a little glad they canā€™t speak or heā€™s sure heā€™d blurt out something way too revealing about it all.Ā 
He avoids looking at Eddie as he tucks his flowers in under his pillow, knows Eddie is doing the same next to him. Is aware of it only being an old myth from a region halfway across the world but thereā€™s a weight to it. Something real and tangible.Ā 
He expects it to take a while for him to fall asleep like it always does. For him to twist and turn and lay awake until the early morning. For once though, that doesnā€™t happen. With the weight of Eddie next to him and to the sounds of his soft breathing and small movements, Steve falls asleep.
And he dreams. He dreams of big brown eyes and bright laughter. Of wild hair and warm arms embracing him. He dreams of growing old next to someone and how every wrinkle on their face tells a story of their shared love.Ā 
He wants to stay in the dream forever, desperately tries to hold onto it even as he floats into consciousness. He turns and groans, gets a mess of someoneā€™s hair in his mouth and nose and thatā€™s enough to startle him into full wakefulness.Ā 
Eddie grumbles next to him, clearly also just waking up. Steve looks at him, with his wild hair and his big brown eyes that are slowly blinking open and of course. Of course, it was Eddie he dreamed about.
Their eyes meet and Eddie freezes. Eyes widening as he looks back at Steve.Ā 
ā€œOh,ā€ he says.Ā 
And yeah, oh.
ā€œEddie?ā€ Steve asks, unsure of how to bring it up, to ask about it. If he even should?Ā 
He puts on a teasing smile, even though he feels like goo inside, but making it lighthearted is all he can think of because what if heā€™s taking this whole thing way too seriously? Jumping to conclusions?Ā 
ā€œDream of anyone?ā€Ā 
Eddie nods and looks away, ā€œI did.ā€ He says it simply, voice careful.Ā 
And maybe it isnā€™t just Steve.
ā€œWho?ā€ He asks, dropping the teasing tone.Ā 
Eddie swallows and looks back at Steve. ā€œThe person I wanted to dream of,ā€ he says and itā€™s not really an answer but heā€™s looking at Steve so intently he thinks it still might be.Ā 
He thinks about Eddieā€™s quiet but delighted surprise at Steve wanting to join him yesterday. About Eddie dragging him first into his trailer and then into his bed. How theyā€™re so close on Steveā€™s side of the bed and Eddie must have drifted towards him in his sleep.
He bites his lip to stop his smile from spreading too wide, thereā€™s still a chance heā€™s misinterpreting things, ā€œyeah?ā€Ā 
ā€œYeah.ā€Ā 
ā€œAnd who would that be?ā€ Steve asks, leaning in even closer until he feels Eddieā€™s small puffs of breath across his face.Ā 
ā€œYou,ā€ Eddie whispers but Steve hears it clearly.Ā 
He takes a moment to bask in it, to let it wash over him before he responds.
ā€œThatā€™s good,ā€ Steve tells him eventually and Eddieā€™s eyes are so wide and open, and so pretty, ā€œbecause I dreamt of you.ā€Ā 
He knows itā€™s cheesy so he doesnā€™t give Eddie time to respond, just leans in and closes the remaining gap between them. Slots their lips together. Eddie gasps into the kiss, grabs Steve by the hair, and pulls him in. Makes all these cute noises that make Steve want and want and want.Ā 
He shifts, goes to put his leg in between Eddieā€™s to move on top of him and get a better angle. But he only gets halfway before Eddie grabs his hips and twists them around. Pushes Steve flat on his back and straddles him.Ā 
He grins down at Steve.Ā 
ā€œYou think the Scandinavian magic worked or was it just dream psychology and wishful thinking?ā€Ā 
ā€œDoes it matter?ā€ Steve asks, way too earnestly. But like, theyā€™ve just spent this whole time doing some true love magic so he thinks itā€™s fine, ā€œgot what I wanted.ā€Ā 
ā€œItā€™s forever though,ā€ Eddie points out, bending down to bite at Steveā€™s jaw, ā€œif we believe the old Norse people.ā€Ā 
Steve hears the question there, thinks this might be Eddieā€™s way of asking what this means to Steve. His way of telling Steve this isnā€™t just a hookup for him.
ā€œGod yeah,ā€ Steve exhales, ā€œI fucking hope so.ā€Ā 
He feels Eddie smile into his neck and grabs his hair, uses it to pull him back and steer him into another kiss.Ā 
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carnivalcarriondiscarded Ā· 2 years ago
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happy mother's day lmfao
bonus (the girls are fightiiing):
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wow-an-unfunny-joke Ā· 25 days ago
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Dazai leans over the edge, a strong gust of wind is all it would take to push him over, to send him falling to his sweet, ultimate demise.
Chuuya grabs his arm in a strong grip- but he doesn't pull Dazai away from the edge. Chuuya looks Dazai straight in his eyes. Bright blue eyes meet Dazai's and he says in a firm voice,
"If you jump, you'll kill both of us."
And it's clear, right then, how deeply Chuuya trusts Dazai.
And Dazai doesn't jump.
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jamandjazz Ā· 2 months ago
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ā€œWrite down your long term plan for the futureā€ assignments def had Soda stressing
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befuddled-calico-whump Ā· 3 months ago
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Augusnippets Day 15: Starvation
cw: drugging, substance dependency, starvation, emeto, sorta dehumanization, dissociation, nonsexual nudity, vague deathwish
previous // next
for the @augusnippets challenge // word count: 537
=~=~=
He can no longer sit up on his own.
Too weak. In the sparse moments where he's coherent enough to think, the spy knows they're tapering off his rations. Hunger crawls up from his stomach like a swarm of ants, leeching what little strength remains.
He It is always trapped in a haze, but the haze is no longer big enough. It aches all day, unable to even sleep until someone brings another water bottle.Ā Pain consumes its leg, hunger shivers in its bones. When guards pass by, it begs them for water, not food, wanting only to numb it all.
Sometimes they comply, but it's rarely enough. Are they taking away its relief too? Or has it built a tolerance to the drug?
(the thought terrifies the spy when he can comprehend it; the thought of never returning to himself)
It can hardly move. It doesn't want to move. When the stubborn thing inside tries to lift its head, there is only dizziness, more pain, a fleeting fear that this may be the end.
The creature wants none of that. No thoughts, no senses, only the drug that allows it to sleep.
They bring it water and it drinks and nothing happens. No fog, no sudden emptiness. It whimpers into the concrete for hours or days.
The bring it water and it drinks.
(no food)
It can't stop shivering, nausea twisting its empty stomach.
(why can't you do something why can't you move why couldn't you have held fast)
They don't bring it water.
Two guards, it can see them through hazy vision. Its eyes hurt, its head aches.
(this is different)
They grab its arms, dragging it out of the cell, bad leg howling, utter agony, creature howling with it, voice weak
(pathetic, could've ran, could've done something)
the movement and pain and nausea and dizziness are all too much after it's been allowed to feel nothing for so long and it heaves up nothing, bile on its tongue, tears in its eyes. They drag it somewhere and it hurts it hurts it hurts.
(could've turned it down)
would've died
(would've been better)
They have to hold it up, hands around and under its arms. Someone else is talking at it, but it doesn't matter. It hurts and it's cold, colder than the cell was.
(when did they take his clothes?)
It tries to vomit again, left with a sour string of spit clinging to its chin. Over, it just wants it to be over, just wants it toā€”
Its head jerks up so quickly it sees spots when it hears the snap of a bottle opening. The new person is holding it out
(smirking)
It tries to reach for the bottle, can't shake itself free of the hands, trapped. It can't make sense of the stream of words pouring from its mouth, but it can't stop them either.
pleasepleasepleaesithurtspleaseithurts
(you were supposed to be better than this you were supposed to endureā€“)
The man laughs.
ā€œDamn. Guess you really can do a number on a guy without lifting a finger.ā€ He screws the cap back on, ignoring the creature's despairing whine.
ā€œPut him back for now. I think he's almost ready for some questions.ā€
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link7057 Ā· 4 months ago
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SHARE YOUR HEADCANNONS ABOUT CHRISTINAAAAA šŸ«¶šŸ«¶
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First, I'm so sorry for the late answer months later šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ™ Please forgive me and second!! Actually I hadn't thought of many headcanons for her... yet... but she's one of my favorite characters so ofc I thought of some!! I might say silly ones or ones more about her personal life (and definitely not projecting some parts!) I love Christina Posabule šŸ™ā™„ļø
Music wise I think Christina would like 60s music, rock, and/or synth-pop or idk genres are hard to actually get right nowadays. If it's specfic, "The Daughters of Eve" and Mitski would be part of her favorites fjjdbrbnd (then I think she'd like The Killers especially "When You Were Young" when she was in her teens :)) Speaking of Christina in her teens, she'd want to learn piano or some sort of instrument but her parents probably got annoyed by how much she played so she wouldn't have as many chances. She's definitely a bookworm or just loves reading and also writes in her freetime like little stories or poems. And when Block ended up staying with Orel's family, she was kind of the only one who missed him as her parents didn't really mind/express their emotions about it.
Andddd talking about her parents, they're both VERY controlling and kept watch on what she'd do, the polar opposite with Orel, which his parents didn't gaf where he was šŸ’”šŸ’” Especially Poppit, and I think with Christina's story it'd be a toxic mother-daughter relationship (mommy issues!) rather than her and her dad, and that Poppit rather likes taking charge but to be in "a woman's place" y'know sexism and even tells Art what to do but makes sure that he does what a "man has to." And she'd be veryyy persistent on Christina with how she presents herself and make sure that she was a nice church girl at all times. And Poppit would very much have breakdowns in front of her and vent to her about her own issues... yeah... And whenever Christina was getting yelled at or being told what to do the only thing she could do is not say anything back to not upset them. She was also grabbed a lot like by her wrists or something similar how they showed in the show. When she moved to Moralton, she was bummed out bc yeah she just moved to a new place where she knows no one. Then when she met Orel something about him intrigued her and she's like Oooh y'know what I like this place already... then BOOM! Having to move again :( Also I don't know if it's just me but she's probably homeschooled or she's just attending another school jfjfnntnf and about her past town she'd be doing so many shenanigans during the same time as Orel probably. Another silly thing she might be more confident than him like I think he'd be more shy when he got older fjjdjnfbfn
Also yes Christina was sadistic I had to say it bc... we remember Orel's masochist era... And same thing with her being emo/goth when Orel was and at least for a while when they were teensšŸ‘šŸ‘ It's canon bc I said so
About when she's an adult, once Orel and her got married and had their kids, she'd be really worried about repeating anything her own mother used to do to her (along with Orel who'd try to be the best dad to his kids and would ask Christina if he was doing a good job if he was too worried about becoming anything similar to Clay or just anything otherwise) and I'm not quite sure about if whether she kept contact with her parents but she probably would but obviously has a strained relationship with them along with Orel's parents... But she would give her own family all her love :D also she's definitely working in a type of job I forgot which one but something that helps people bc she's sweet like that <3 so yeah girlboss !!
I might've forgotten some things to mention or other things I had in mind for her but yeah!! Or it was badly/worded weird perdĆ³n. Thanks for reading ļæ½ļæ½
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jadewritesficshere Ā· 2 years ago
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Painting
Modern!Eddie Munson x Female!Reader
Contains: nudes, mutual masturbation, phone sex
18+ only
Eddie flopped face down onto his mattress with a sigh. After working all day, playing at the Hideout, and then hauling all of the bands' equipment, he was wiped. He wanted nothing more then to smoke and go to sleep. His phone pinged with a notification. A contact under the name "Loser" had messaged him, causing a split second of confusion before a lazy grin spread across his face when he realized it was you (he had forgotten he changed it when high). You had been unable to come see Corroded Coffin play tonight as you had made previous plans.
Loser: How did it go?? Good?? Bad??
Loser: Was that one chick who wants to be a groupie there??
Eddie: went ok. Y u jealous?
Loser: just curious lol
Eddie: sure. Wbu?
Loser: Good! Robin and Nancy came. We had a nice dinner. We did paintings! Robin's looks better then mine. Mine looks like shit šŸ˜” now just taking a bath and relaxing.
Eddie: show me?
Loser: lol no???
Eddie: y not? I'm sure it good
Loser: you sure?
Eddie: yes
Loser: fine
Eddie doubted your painting looked bad. You always tore yourself down, even when you did amazing things. He always wanted to throttle you, but knew he would be a hypocrite if he did. Eddie rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling. He would convince you one day that you were awesome, but until then he would just have to keep reminding you. His phone dinged with a new message from you. He opened it and saw a picture attached and-
Immediately dropped his phone. His heart picked up speed. His eyes widened and face flushed. Eddie dove for the phone as if it were a life preserver and he was drowning. He couldn't believe his eyes. He licked his lips and stared at his phone.
A picture from your neck down. Bubbles in the bath around you. Water was running down your collarbone towards your tits. Your nipples barely covered by the bubbles. One boob having no bubbles around it at all, but your hand flipping him off blocked him from seeing more. He was greedy. He wanted to see more, and had never imagined you would send him this to begin with. Eddie looked down at the tent that had formed in his boxers.
Loser: ask nicely next time šŸ˜¤
Eddie groaned and his dick twitched. You had totally misunderstood him, he had wanted to see your painting- of course he was more then glad for this outcome. However, he couldn't quite unsee what you had sent, nor would he want to. Eddie reread your text. Next time means more than just this once. Means maybe he could see more. Means maybe he has a better shot with you then he thought. He already overthought things with you many times, and now his brain had just switched to overdrive.
A million thoughts ran through his head as his hand traveled south. He paused briefly," Oh fuck it." He grabbed his dick over his boxers, causing the outline to be very noticeable. He took a pic before sending it to you. He would have felt bad about not sending a message with it, but he would have sat there for ages trying to think of a response. And he couldn't find it in himself to care as he pressed lightly against his dick.
He dropped his phone on his stomach. All Eddie could think about was you as he pulled his dick out of his boxers. Your soap covered tits. How beautiful they looked.. He licked his hand before slowly grasping his dick and squeezing the base, causing the tip to flush more. The pressure causing him to moan. He slowly stroked up and down his length. He picked up the pace, canting his hips up to meet his hand. Part of him wanted to go slow, but the rest of him wanted to get this over with quick so he could do it again and again and again. His chest heaved and sweat started to form on his brow. A sigh fell from his lips that quickly turned to a moan at the thought of it being your hand wrapped around him. How small your hand would look on his dick. How-
His stomach tensed and he jolted as his phone started vibrating and your ringtone played. The vibrations on his lower stomach felt so good, he was tempted to let it keep playing, but the urge to hear your voice was stronger. With his free hand he grabbed the phone and answered. "H-hello?" Eddie asked, panting into the phone. "Oh fuck, Eddie," your voice higher than normal sounded like music to his ears. Eddie moaned and your response was a whimper. "Fuck babe, see what you do to me?" Eddie's voice felt like sandpaper, he was surprised he could even find words. "Uh-huh." The sound of water splashing caught Eddie's attention," holy shit. Are you touching yourself?" "Wish it were you."
Eddie's mind went fuzzy as he picked up speed. The schlick noise picking up, his mind filtering out everything except your moans. "Sound so good. Wish I was there." Eddie mumbled, feeling his tip leaking generously. He was so close. "Fuuuck Eddie I'm gonna-" your sentence was cut off with a moan and he lost it. His hips bucked without rhythm and cum spurted everywhere. He never understood the phrase of people seeing stars behind their eyes until now, but they were more like fireworks. He had never cum this much in his life, not even when he had first found porn.
He slowly came back down, a euphoric feeling enveloping him. A warmth spread in his chest as it heaved, trying to catch a breath. He looked down and saw his shirt covered with his release. Your chuckle pulled him back to earth. "Uh so that happened...so whatcha gonna do about it Munson?" He hummed," Think i should ask you for a date." "You should."
Eddie had the biggest grin when you finally got off the phone, date planned for Friday night. He looked down at your contact name before changing the s to a v. He was going to find that painting you did and make sure it hung over his bed, so he could remember this night forever.
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void-with-a-keyboard Ā· 6 months ago
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this is so incredibly entertaining to me
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fictionadventurer Ā· 1 month ago
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I'm sorry, but if you call Fanny Price (or any female character) insipid, I don't want to hear anything else you have to say.
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bijoumikhawal Ā· 1 year ago
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hello! i hope it's alright to ask you this but i was wondering if you have any recommendations for books to read or media in general about the history of judaism and jewish communities in egypt, particularly in ottoman and modern egypt?
have a nice day!
it's fine to ask me this! Unfortunately I have to preface this with a disclaimer that a lot of books on Egyptian Jewish history have a Zionist bias. There are antizionist Egyptian Jews, and at the very least ones who have enough national pride that AFAIK they do not publicly hold Zionist beliefs, like those who spoke in the documentary the Jews of Egypt (avaliable on YouTube for free with English subtitles). Others have an anti Egyptian bias- there is a geopolitical tension with Egypt from Antiquity that unfortunately some Jewish people have carried through history even when it was completely irrelevant, so in trying to research interactions between "ancient" Egyptian Jews and Native Egyptians (from the Ptolemaic era into the proto-Coptic and fully Coptic eras) I've unfortunately come across stuff that for me, as an Egyptian, reads like anti miscegenationist ideology, and it is difficult to tell whether this is a view of history being pushed on the past or not. The phrase "Erev Rav" (meaning mixed multitude), which in part refers to Egyptians who left Egypt with Moses and converted to Judaism, is even used as an insult by some.
Since I mentioned that documentary, I'll start by going over more modern sources. Mapping Jewish San Francisco has a playlist of videos of interviews with Egyptian Jews, including both Karaites and Rabbinic Jews iirc (I reblogged some of these awhile ago in my "actually Egyptian tag" tag). This book, the Dispersion of Egyptian Jewry, is avaliable for free online, it promises to be a more indepth look at Egyptian Jews in the lead up to modern explusion. I have only read a few sections of it, so I cannot give a full judgment on it. There's this video I watched about preserving Karaite historical sites in Egypt that I remember being interesting. "On the Mediterranian and the Nile edited by Harvey E. Goldman and Matthis Lehmann" is a collection of memiors iirc, as is "the Man in the Sharkskin Suit" (which I've started but not completed), both moreso from a Rabbinic perspective. Karaites also have a few websites discussing themselves in their terms, such as this one.
For the pre-modern but post-Islamic era, the Cairo Geniza is a great resource but in my opinion as a hobby researcher, hard to navigate. It is a large cache of documents from a Cairo synagogue mostly from around the Fatimid era. A significant portion of it is digitized and they occasionally crowd source translation help on their Twitter, and a lot of books and papers use it as a primary source. "The Jews in Medieval Egypt, edited by: Miriam Frenkel" is one in my to read pile. "Benjamin H. Hary - Multiglossia in Judeio-Arabic. With an Edition, Translation, and Grammatical Study of the Cairene Purim Scroll" is a paper I've read discussing the Jewish record of the events commemorated by the Cairo Purim, I got it off either Anna's Archive or libgen. "Mamluks of Jewish Origin in the Mamluk Sultanate by Koby Yosef" is a paper in my to read pile. "Jewish pietism of the Sufi type A particular trend of mysticisme in Medieval Egypt by Mireille Loubet" and "Paul B Fenton- Judaism and Sufism" both discuss the medieval Egyptian Jewish pietist movement.
For "ancient" Egyptian Jews, I find the first chapter of "The Story of the Jews: Finding the Words 1000 BC-1492 ADā€ by Simon Schama, which covers Elephantine, very interesting (it also flies in the face of claims that Jews did not marry Native Egyptians, though it is from centuries before the era researchers often cover). If you'd like to read don't click this link to a Google doc, that would be VERY naughty. There's very little on the Therapeutae, but for the paper theorizing they may have been influenced by Buddhism (possibly making them an example of Judeo-Buddhist syncretism) look here (their Wikipedia page also has some sources that could be interesting but are not specifically about them). "Taylor, Joan E. - Jewish women philosophers of first-century Alexandria: Philoā€™s Therapeutae reconsidered" is also a to read.
I haven't found much on the temple of Onias/Tell el Yahudia/Leontopolis in depth, but I have the paper "Meron M. Piotrkowski - Priests in Exile: The History of the Temple of Onias and Its Community in the Hellenistic Period" in my to be read pile (which I got off Anna's Archive). I also have some supplemental info from a lecture I attended that I'm willing to privately share.
I also have a document compiling links about the Exodus of Jews from Egypt in the modern era, but I'm cautious about sharing it now because I made it in high school and I've realized it needs better fact checking, because it had some misinfo in it from Zionist publications (specifically about the names of Nazis who fled to Egypt- that did happen, but a bunch of names I saw reported had no evidence of that being the case, and one name was the name of a murdered resistance fighter???)
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riftclaw Ā· 2 months ago
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i haven't been able to draw much for the last few months for various reasons, which is why i've been writing instead. this is something that @sege-h drew and i coloured
sege has been helping me out by listening to my disjointed ramblings about my 15+ year old pokemon au, which had entirely too much lore developed before pokemon had much lore to go with and is based on the earlier canon to begin with. sege then got very into gurren lagann again, and went "what if i put my blorbo in your pokemon au and he was kind of lance's adoptive brother"
"if you do, i'll make it canon" i said, knowing this could only possibly improve things
i was correct
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(sege drew this also)
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anna-scribbles Ā· 8 months ago
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#iā€™m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now iā€™ve eaten something and weā€™re so back#i also donā€™t really do caffeine. except sometimes iā€™ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever iā€™m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY iā€™m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure iā€™m not lying. because iā€™m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how itā€™s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and iā€™m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and thatā€™s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now iā€™m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and thatā€™s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesnā€™t say emilieā€™s last name in the credits and also itā€™s ā€˜graham filmsā€™ with the twin rings logo m#so iā€™m assuming sheā€™s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone sheā€™s ever known#and heā€™s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least heā€™s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i donā€™t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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merakiui Ā· 9 months ago
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fem Riddle with a Prince Charming like reader. Like riddles mum approves of the,, riddle is obsessed with how proper they are and how this is like a story book
Riddlepunzel............. orz stuck in her tower under her mother's controlling thumb, but she desperately wants to get out and see the world she's read so much about in history textbooks. Her mother says there's nothing good beyond the tower. Just a world that is vile and filthy. Terrible people who would covet her beautiful hair, who would cut it and take it for themselves, leaving Riddlepunzel with nothing in the end. >_< they'll only hurt her, so she should just stay in the tower with her mother.
But then you come along on a day when her mother steps out to run errands. You're a thief, but Riddlepunzel doesn't know this. She knocks you out with a frying pan and restrains you for interrogation. As she observes you in your unconscious state, she realizes there's a certain charm to you... šŸ«£ she thought you were a man at first, but you're a girl like her!!!! :O maybe you might be able to show her the world she's only peered out at from her window.
Plot happens, lots of pining, Riddlepunzel's sapphic awakening, Riddlepunzel beating people up with her frying pan (but it's also funny to imagine it's a heavy textbook hehe), the iconic Kingdom Dance scene from Tangled, etc etc and then you live happily ever after in the most fluffiest of love!!!! :D
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