#headcanon. the catwoman.

[godblooded]

…..selina’s a natural blonde.

[jesterraconteuse]

You don't understand there's a part of me that wants Alfred Pennyworth to never age but there's another part that's like

As Alfred grows older his body grows tired and everyone notices. And for Bruce that's his surrogate father. For everyone else that's Grandpa. Immediately there's a secret boot camp in the Batcave for everyone to start learning how to better care for themselves. Selina Kyle assisting of course.

There's already disability accommodations for Barbara so they just need to tweak and add some stuff. They've learned from her needs and start researching on how to care for the elderly for Alfred specifically.

On paper he's still a butler but really everyone (who lives or stays for a long time in Wayne manor) makes sure they learn how to do the hardwork for themselves. Most of his job is just to be there for them honestly. They insist on doing things for themselves.

But Alfred is Alfred. So he knows what's going on. And he's so deeply proud of them. He doesn't let him do anything he insists he can or wants do himself. He's still his own person after all, and they gradually learn his boundaries and patterns.

Bruce keeps paying him but not in a way you'd pay a butler usually. More in a way where you'd send money to your retired parents.

Do you see my vision?

[coolunspokenforname]

A little bit after Jason is left to fend for himself on the streets, a cat starts to follow him around. At first he tries to make it go away, since he can't afford to take care of it, but then it starts leading him to places to find food and warm alcoves to spend the colder nights. So, he let's it follow him around, occasionally giving a portion of his food when he was able. Since he can't really call the cat 'it' or 'the cat' he names him Mr. Darcy.

Eventually, Jason is adopted, and he tries to get Mr. Darcy to live with him at the manor, but Mr. Darcy doesn't stop hissing at Bruce and trying to run away, so he stays as a stray. However, he does often go up to the roofs to hang out with Robin, who always gives him a little snack and pets. Selina thinks this is absolutely adorable and keeps a close eye on Mr. Darcy when she can.

After Jason dies, Mr. Darcy refuses to leave his grave. Selina has to visit the cemetery every day to make sure the cat doesn't starve himself. It's hard for her, but she knows Jason wouldn't want his cat to be neglected because of him. (And Mr. Darcy was his, just as much as he was Mr. Darcy's)

About six months after the funeral, Selina can't find Mr. Darcy anywhere. She assumes he had passed, too.

A year later she finds Mr. Darcy meowing at her door, biting at her pant legs and trying to drag her along. He leads her to Jason's grave and starts clawing, trying to dig. Picking him up, she takes him to her apartment. He's getting old, after all, and the streets aren't safe for an elderly kitty. It's what Jason would have wanted.

One day, Selina notices that Mr. Darcy has been leaving the apartment often. Obviously, this worries her, since he's already so old, so she follows him. Only, she finds that he's been meeting with Crime Alley's newest crime lord. But, instead of hurting him, like she would have expected, the Red Hood is petting Mr. Darcy and giving him treats.

Selina is the first person in Gotham to know who is under the red hood, all thanks to Mr. Darcy and his, honestly terrifying intelligence.

[bats-and-the-birds]

I like to imagine a universe where Batman and Catwoman aren't even dating but all of the Batkids just collectively decide to call Catwoman mom, even if it's just to confuse Bruce. This includes Damian, purely to mess with his father.

Selina would play along, I think.

Either this or in a world where Bruce and Talia are on slightly better terms, all of them deciding that, since she is Damian's mom, by transitive property, she is all of their moms.

Talia would also play along, I think.

I think if I imagine it hard enough, I can also force these two realities to co-exist.

[incorrectbatfam]

Everyone's talking about Jason and Steph these last 2 issues but what about Tim and Selina???? Please can we get more of catmom Selina with Tim?

Tim: I hacked into Falcone's bank account and gathered all records of money laundering in the past two months. I saved them onto three thumb drives and printed it out here.

Selina: Excellent work, Red Robin.

Selina: *puts it on the fridge*

———————

Tim: I mirrored Lady Shiva's hotel computer and got her flight information out of the country. Copies of her ticket and taxi reservation are on my desk.

Selina: Nice job, kid. I'll intercept her at the airport right after I do this.

Selina: *puts it on the fridge*

———————

Tim: The hidden camera photos are in! We know the extent of Scarecrow's arsenal. Now, for our strategy—

Tim: Selina, where are you going?

Selina: Just putting these on the fridge! Be right back.

———————

Tim: I rearranged mine and Bruce's shared work calendar so we can both make it to the Japanese merger deal. Can you print it out while I get ready?

Selina: Of course.

Tim: Thanks, Mom. By the way, I think Goliath dug another crater in the yard.

Tim: *leaves*

Selina: *prints the calendar and puts it on the fridge*

———————

Bruce: Does anyone know why our refrigerator is plastered with confidential information?

Selina: *sips her tea*

[shyjusticewarrior]

[vodrae]

Asexual Jason Todd is actually the secret weapon of Batman.

Let me explain.

Every major female foes of the Bat used their sex appeal at one moment to distract the police, Arkham guards...

But, imagine Ivy increasing again and again and again the power of her pollen and Red Hood does not react. Maybe sneezing.

Circea trying to play whith his mind and

"Wtf are you doing ? Stop moving your hands like that."

Every teen heros getting caught lurking on Kori or Power Girl and he doesn't understand why those idiots can't start the meeting. Wtf does "My eyes are here" even mean.

Evil foreigner billionaire sending a spy to seduce the oldest boy in the family still in Gotham to steal informations on WayneTech and after a party of dancing and talking, with innuendos bigger than his arms, the dude takes back the girl in his plaza room to be sure she's safe and fall asleep on the floor.

Meanwhile the spy doesn't know if she lost her talents of if Jason has a really strong mind.

If Jason was Batman from the start, first encounter with catwoman, take 1 :

"What arrre you going to do, arrrest me ?

- Yes.

- Wait, what ?"

Jason going to college and always being invited to girls night when they're going to bars or nightclubs because they have a 6'6 werewolf with them to dissuaded the other guys and they feel secure because they can't recall one time he tried something that made them uncomfortable, or just something in fact.

Never hit on a girl, loves litterature, takes great care of his body...Jason Todd is the only gothamite unaware he's a gay icone.

[ladyantiheroine]

[batcowenraged]

im tired of damian looking exactly like bruce. give me damian who looks like talia.

damian who bruce looks at and can't see any of himself in. damian who instead reminds bruce of talia with every smile and glare. damian who grows his hair when he's older as he's growing into his mother's face. and bruce suddenly has to be enforcing gotham/bat morals and rules on someone who looks far more like an al ghul than a wayne. damian who never gets as tall as his father or brothers and who doesn't build muscle the same way leaving him to fight like his mother and cass. like an assassin. damian who can't be batman the way he's always dreamed of because he will never be a looming vengeful presence capable of physical intimidation. and that's ok. because he can be worse. he's a batman that matches black bat. silent and terrifying and no one knows he's there until the fight is over. he fights quickly and efficiently with a combination of techniques that pull from black bat, huntress, batgirl, catwoman, and even nightwing (who is a gymnast/aerialist first and foremost) at their most terrifying. and on top of that everyone knows he used to be sword robin.

he doesn't need to look anything like bruce to be a terror inducing batman. and he doesn't need to look anything like bruce to cause bruce emotional turmoil.

[gothamite-rambler]

How Catwoman treats the old Robins sometimes

Catwoman: Nightwing, how's my first Robin doing? Aww, you still got that cute face. Or should I say handsome, look at that smile.

Nightwing (smiling): Aww, thank you.

Catwoman: Here you go.

Catwoman handed Nightwing fresh brownies. He took them happily. Catwoman then walked over to Red Hood.

Catwoman: Red Hood.

Red Hood (nod): Selina.

Catwoman: Are you better mentally or are you going to shoot me?

Red Hood (shrugging): Don't want to waste the bullets.

Catwoman (patting the man on the shoulder): Same bratty charm. I missed that, glad to have you back.

Catwoman walked off to head back to Batman. Red Hood looked at Nightwing eating the brownies and snatched one away.

Nightwing: Hey! You can't eat any, you have a helmet on.

Red Hood: I'm saving it for later.

[spocks-husband]

Bruce and Selina are mlm/wlw besties who dated once when they first met and now cannot fathom ever being together non-platonically at all. Bruce is bi with a heavy male preference, Selina is a lesbian (but will fake-flirt with men if it's convenient for her in the moment). They hang out at least once a week so Bruce can complain about his two horrible boyfriends (Harvey and Joker) and his baby mama who he's kinda terrified of (Talia). Selina bullies him the entire time and then updates him on whatever Hot Gotham Gossip she has available. Then they probably beat the shit out of each other again. They're besties.

[godblooded]

i don’t give her enough credit and holly doesn’t refer to her as ‘mom’ but selina is a really good mom. like. this is a woman who stole a child half her age when she’d just gotten out of the foster system and she couldn’t stand the idea of leaving holly alone in a place that would only form her into exactly the angry, violent person selina has become.

selina, as a literal child with a history of taking care of the other kids in her foster homes, looked at this other literal child and said ‘i will never let anyone hurt you again’. and made really fucking good on that. is selina’s parenting considerably problematic? yes.

holly knows how to: pick almost any lock, is so good at slight of hand she stole the watch right off bruce’s wrist, has succeeded in stealing from selina, knows how to hotwire a car, parkour!, cry on command, act her way out of several life threatening scenarios, the basics of how to hack using phishing methods, can mcgyver her way out of most scenarios, has the reflexes of a cat TM, and so, so much more. all these skills are things she’s learned from watching and listening to selina. holly, like her mother, is something of an autodidact. what the cat didn’t teach the kitten, the kitten taught herself.

selina is extremely proud of holly, and it shows. anyone who sees her with the girl knows that selina lights up the second holly so much as calls her from the other side of the apartment. she’s nothing but encouraging, and yes, she absolutely enables holly to an unhealthy level, but it’s infinitely better than the way selina’s nurtured her self-loathing into self-hatred. she never wants holly to feel like she does. she never wants to hurt holly the way she was hurt, never wants to cause holly the harm she knows and inflicts so easily on most everyone else. selina needs holly to be safe because no one saved selina.

selina needs holly to grow up safe, loved, happy, because it means maybe she’s not just the monster. it means she can love.

it means selina’s heart is still beating. it means she can believe she’s worth something.

[hxney-lemcn]

Affections + First Kiss — General! Scarecrow, Riddler, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Catwoman x gn! reader

summery: affection and first kiss headcanons.

tw: mentions of abuse (physical and verbal), mentions of toxic dynamics

a/n: I've never wrote headcanons for multiple characters in one thing before, so enjoy! I love them all.

wc: 2k

Master List

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Scarecrow

❥Jonathan wasn’t used to a kind touch. Being bullied growing up, being beaten by the bat. No, all he knew was the harsh touch of a fist. The relentless shoves. The purpling of bruises that always showed after. The red blood that would drip from his nose. The burning hatred that steadily grew towards those who wronged him.

❥So when you came into his life, he would flinch if you raised a hand. He would unconsciously back away. The warmth in his heart that you stirred was unusual to him, a feeling he’s never felt towards anyone. He was used to the bitterness after an interaction, not longing. 

❥You eased him into it. Only when you two started dating did he ever think twice about your touch. He knew you held back your affections. He watched you lift a hand up, only to bring it back down to your side. And to Jon, that meant the world. He felt relief when you didn’t push him into uncomfortable territory, and he respected you all the more for it.

❥Although a part of him wished you would hold him. Touch him. He wondered if your skin felt as soft as it looked. Though he also feared that your touch would sting, and the comfort you brought would be no more. No, he would never reach out first.

❥Starting out slow, he let you hold his shoulder. No matter how careful you’ve been for however long, you slipped slightly. It was a gesture not many think twice about. Holding onto someone's shoulder as you look over them, holding onto them for balance. It was only when you felt him tense under you, his ramblings pausing, that you realized your mistake. Yet, Jon had only reassured you that you did nothing wrong. 

❥Having realized that Jon seemed to open your touch, you continued. Lightly brushing your hands, shoulder touches, even just sitting closer. It was like you were single handedly rewiring Jon’s brain, teaching him that not all touch hurts. That he too deserves a kind hand. The flinching had dulled, and he would even look forward to you being near him. 

❥So when you finally got to kiss him? He was a dead man. You got him hook line and sinker. I hope you weren’t expecting to leave him any time soon, because after you opened him into a world of warm affection, he doesn’t want to let go. 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Riddler

❥Touch is a big no no. Similar to Jonathan, Edward had been bullied from a young age. Teased and ridiculed, shoved and hit. If not from his peers, then from his own father. His world was cruel for as long as he could remember. In fact, his brain started to warp, perceiving the hits as a form of love, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.

❥Edward Nygma is a touch starved man. He longs for the comforts others seem to get so seamlessly. Yet at the same time, he doesn’t want anyone touching him. Tap his shoulder if you dare.

❥You were no different, at first. You quickly caught on to his distaste of touch when he reprimanded someone for getting a little too friendly with him. But you managed to weasel your way into his estranged heart. With how respectful and kind you were, he quickly found himself ensnared with your affection. Even hands free you managed to boost his ego and make him feel, should he dare say, loved for. You gave him praise that he had longed for, which earned you a seat right by his side.

❥It was also partly to keep a closer eye on you. Part of him preened at your praise, and another was weary. Why were you so kind? He was a well known criminal, he knew better than to just believe you were doing it out of the kindness of your heart. Y’know the saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

❥I honestly don’t know how you deal with it. He always tries to catch you off guard with a riddle or puzzle. He pushes you away by ridiculing you and belittling you. Yet you won’t stop. You keep spilling his praises, and it’s so baffling to him. Yes, he is the smartest man in the world, but you managed to become a riddle. Good luck now.

❥When you first touched him, it was an innocent hug. He had managed to pull off a heist and got away from Batman without a scratch! Of course he had no doubts about his success, you didn’t either. When he got back to the hideout, you were clapping while singing his praises. Edward felt on top of the world, adrenaline rushing through his veins. When your arms wrapped around him, your scent clouding his thoughts, your warmth leaching into him, he found himself reciprocating.

❥Now, whether your dating or you’re just friends, it matters little to the green clad man. You had given him a taste of a touch he’s always longed for. And he realized that he’s more comfortable around you than he’d like to admit. He never reaches out first, but he’ll never turn you down if you want to hold his arm. 

❥His teasing towards you turns lighter, just as his heart feels. So when you finally seal the deal with a kiss, he’ll make sure you never slip through his fingers. 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Harley Quinn

❥She will smother you with affection right out the bat. Hugs, hand holding, kisses, you name it. You don’t even have to date her for her to leave a smooch on your lips. Harley Quinn easily trusts people, and you’re no exception. She finds comfort in touch, so why should she deny herself it? She also finds it expresses her genuine affection for you in ways she couldn’t verbalize. 

❥If you don’t like PDA, please tell her right away. She doesn’t understand it, I mean why wouldn’t you want to show your love to the world? But she also doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, so if you wanna keep it behind closed doors, she’ll try her best. But don’t be too surprised if she sneaks in a little smooch or hug if no one’s looking.

❥Harley Quinn is one of the most affectionate rogues out there. But it’s not always sunshine and rainbows with her. She had been in a seriously abusive relationship, and you have to help her remember that she doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around you. That no matter the argument, you won’t raise your hand to strike her. It takes her a long time to come out of that headspace, if ever. It’s a good thing you’re by her side to help coax her into healthier practices. 

❥If we want to get a little darker, Harley may try to treat you like the Joker treated her. It’s scary to see her go from bubbly to dark. Her features twisted into a wicked sneer as she asks that you’ll never leave her. That no matter what, you’ll always love her. During these moments, you gotta stand up for yourself. She’s trying to gain a sense of control she never felt in her previous relationship, and you have to make her snap out of it. When she comes to and realizes what she just did, the look of utter terror in her eyes is the most heart wrenching thing. She’ll sob, pleading that she didn’t mean to, that she never wanted you to go through that, that she’s terrified of becoming him.

❥Please hug her, kiss her, squeeze her gently. She loves it. All Harley wants is to be loved and to love, and getting affection shows her how genuine you are and is the biggest comfort for her. Feeling your warmth, feeling the softness of your skin, it brings her peace. 

❥The first time you made the first move to kiss Harley, she nearly did a backflip. Her little sugar plum made the first move! I hope you didn’t have anything planned, because Harley won’t let you go for the rest of the day.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Poison Ivy

❥I’m not sure how you weren’t just killed or turned into one of her goons. She’s not one for humanity. She keeps a sharp eye on those who dare tread into her territory. There’s no way to beat around it. She drugs you, finding out what your true intentions are. It has to be something she deems worthy enough to keep you around. She barely puts up with Harley as it is. 

❥Once you gain your free will again, you have to continuously prove your loyalty. Of course she can guarantee it herself if she has to, but you’ve managed to catch her eye. So prove your worth to her, prove that her interest in you isn’t just a mistake. It will take a long time. She’s been wronged one too many times, and she won’t make that mistake again.

❥Even if you manage to gain her trust, she won’t drop her walls around you. Though she’s a bit nicer. Ivy knows that a person works better with praise, but she also means it deep down. She doesn’t say what she doesn’t mean, so don’t take her words for granted. Not that you really can when her perfume scent always seems to cloud your senses. 

❥You let Ivy make the first move when it comes to touch. For a seductress, she won’t touch you if she doesn’t have to. Not to mention the toxins that fill her blood. Who knew if one tap on her shoulder meant your certain doom…but maybe that was a bit of the thrill you loved when being by her side. Though you’ve seemed to find a small soft spot in her heart, right next to Harley Quinn. She wouldn’t tell you that though, best to leave you on your toes lest you get too comfortable. 

❥After going so long without a single touch from the green goddess, when she started playing with your hair, you found yourself seizing up. Ivy brushed her fingers through it so gently, yet all you could wonder is if it was finally over. If she grew bored of you, or if she started to find you bothersome. But her gentle reassurances lulled you. Her warm voice and gentle hands relaxed you. It was then that you realized her affections for you ran deeper than she led on.

❥You’re first kiss was electrifying. That underlying thrill that your life was held in her hands. That she killed men with the very action she committed tenderly with you. Yet deep down you knew she wouldn’t hurt you.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Catwoman 

❥It's not easy catching her attention. She won’t settle for less than perfection. She is catwoman after all, she has a reputation to uphold. So when she looked at you, and I mean really looked at you, she decided why not have a little fun? Whether you’re a villain, anti-hero, vigilante, or civilian, she’ll take time out of her busy schedule to drop by.

❥She likes to give mixed signals. It keeps you far enough for her to feel in control, yet it also satiates her hunger. She’ll lean in real close, only to grab something from behind you type of beat. She loves to watch you become a stuttering mess, but she doesn’t mind if you banter back. It’s all a part of the fun.

❥No matter how close you seem to get, you’re somehow still a mile away from Selina. She slips away from your affection without you even realizing it. She always turns the moment into a suggestive one. If she left it tender, then it would be too real. It takes time for her to warm up to you and really trust you.

❥If anything, the first kiss happens before anything truly tender. The kiss catches you both off guard, neither sure who started it. Selina tries to wrap it into something that doesn’t make her heart stutter. Tries to turn it suggestively like she always does, but with the way you tenderly hold her cheeks, she feels herself melt. Finally, she succumbs to these feelings you managed to stir within her, and she isn’t sure if she wants to thank you or curse you out. Maybe she’ll settle for a dinner, tab on you of course.

[batmanlovesnirvana]

Hot take, but can we please give Selina a break from being Bruce’s default love interest? The guy has a whole black book of fascinating women. How about a little variety for once?

Maybe just a quick Catwoman cameo or even a passing mention, but let’s dig into some of the other ladies in his life. I’m talking Andrea Beaumont, Silver St. Cloud (who got done dirty in Gotham), Julie Madison… Heck, even Dex from the The Batman prequel novel... Seriously, Bruce has more options than Selina, and it’s time to let them shine!

And please, please—if we ever get Talia again, can we for once cast her properly and give her a decent script? Because Nolan’s version? Yikes. Look, no shade to Marion Cotillard (she's great!), but casting a French actress as a character who's supposed to be Middle Eastern/Chinese??? I don’t know, man… that was certainly a choice.

Let’s just say, I’m praying for a casting miracle if they ever bring Talia back because she deserves better than that mess.

[aeturnum-mendacacium]

"NO! PLEASE! ANYONE BUT THE BAT, HIS HIP TO WAIST RATIO IS TOO POWERFULL"

-could be anyone actually

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce buys a ring to propose to Selina but she steals it so he buys another one and she steals that too and this keeps going until she proposes to him with an entire bag of stolen rings