#the justice league

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

The Justice League were discussing a string of rather odd happenings as of late. Each of them have had instances of them being pulled through a swirling green portal and being forced to fight some variations of monsters that often had intangibility, laser blasts and size alteration abilities only to be sent back through a similar portal after the fight was over.

No one knew exactly what was going on, only that the city they were taken to hadn't seen thier hero in months. A teen hero. With no known mentor or back up. Needless to say the Justice League is very concerned about this kid.

Danny is patting himself on the back for finding a way to get out of being a superhero and getting his grades up.

[morganbritton132]

Everybody thinks the problem with a child sidekick is that they’ll get tired easily or get hurt but the real issue is how many times you say, “Robin, don’t touch that. It’s a bomb.”

The Justice League, in unison for the hundredth time: The problem with a child sidekick is that they’re a child, Batman.

[pixiatn]

Bro, I've never watched Invincible but imagine Mark somehow ending up in the DC universe and in the hands of the Justice League, and they're like super understanding of his situation and how he needs to get back to his own dimension. Marks like "Omg great!" But while he's staying with them, he notices how they're low-key similar to the old Guardians of the Globe and he's like "Fuck" bc Superman to him is like a parallel to his dad (fucking obviously) and he's just side eyeing the SHIT out of Superman cause like what if he witnesses this guy fucking murder all his teammates, what if he's a Viltrumite (Mark is unaware of Kryptonians yet), what if this is one of those potentially fucked up dimensions, while Superman is clearly like; 🌸✨ (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)✨🌸

Meanwhile Batman is side eyeing the fuck out of Mark, theorizing that bro is somehow a half clone of Dick bc they kinda look similar. (YOU'RE DELUSIONAL BRUCE, YOU CANT KEEP HIM)

[logicallyblind]

I'm sorry, we as a society do not talk about the fact that in order to maintain his playboy billionaire status Bruce Wayne had to sleep with a lot of people,, a lot, of people in order to maintain that.

And I'm not shaming him for that, get your hot girl summer brucie hell yea, but what I will say is can you imagine,,,

How hilarious it would be that when eventually Batman's identity gets revealed- it's not the reaction he was expecting.

‘‘Oh my god. Oh my god, Bruce Wayne Bruce Wayne the the bimbo Sexy billionaire boy. He is the stoic hard-ass Batman. There's no way-”that's not the reaction. The reaction is

“holy fucking shit I've slept with Batman”

Three quarters of that city and beyond is sat in front of their TVs, their radios, their phones,, I don't care. They're sitting there, agape going ‘I have slept with the Dark Knight. I have seen Gotham's Bat naked on his knees-‘

bruce wouldn’t be able to look the justice league nor his kids in the eyes for weeks after the reveal, solely due to the gossip channels or smth

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Justice League identity reveal where they don’t know who Batman is and one day a bunch of them walk in on him just casually eating yogurt in the cafeteria with his cowl off. A bunch of them recognize him, a couple don’t, and they’re all shocked.

Turns out Batman didn’t realize none of them knew who he was, since it had taken him all of ten minutes and three google searches to put everyone’s secret identities together and he just assumed they had all figured it out by this point. Or maybe he had meant to tell them and then just forgotten. Either way, he regularly interacts with half of them outside of hero stuff and hasn’t bothered with the whole separate persona thing with them in years. Shouldn’t they really have figured this out by now? So what if he forgot? This is clearly on them.

[bruciemilf]

Anyway, thinking about how Bruce’s mom tendencies bleed over around the League.

He pulls out a Barbie pink scrunchie from his endless utility belt.

Oliver is very sure he’s seen it in Spoiler’s blonde mane before. He wordlessly secures Diana’s hair in a ponytail before she jumps into battle.

Barry skins his knee while running, which, considering, is pretty severe. Definitely not the kind of wound you can treat with Gray Ghost bandages.

“I’m NEVER taking this off.”

“Okay, gross?”

“Shut up, Hal, you don’t even wash your suit, you just make a new one every time!”

“I’m allergic to laundry detergent, everybody knows that, BARRY.”

Bruce does not tolerate their fighting for more than 15 minutes at a time. “I will count to 3.”

Hal is quite literally flabbergasted when, after a particularly rough mission, Batman walks over to him and gently places a plate of fruits before him.

“Hal,” in that rain soft voice. “Fruit.”

“…Thanks?”

He just walks off. Like it’s nothing.

“…Did he just do something nice for me? Everybody saw that, right? You’re all witnesses. “

Everyone’s equal parts shocked and equal parts losing their shit. Clark’s eyes are just slightly red.

“I need to take a nap.”

[psychokatrixxxy]

Love when the Justice League thinks Batman is a cryptid. This believe is only further enhanced by the face his sidekick, Robin, is clearly a shapeshifter, what with changing their height, hair style, skin tone, and even gender.

Batman clearly thinks that by having Robin look different every couple of years, it will show that they aren't cryptids like it would if Robin didn't age.

But the Justice League is too smart for that. They figured it out! But they are good friends (colleagues) and won't spill Batman's secret, but they will drop hints to him that they know, to show that they are smarter than he gives them credit for (they aren't.)

-

When the batkids learn that the league thinks this, they start periodically going to the Watchtower with Bruce, taking turns dressed up as Robin.

The League is surprised as Robin seems to prefer taking the form of a child, perhaps to have villains underestimate them? But they just assume Robin is trying out something new.

The batkids definitely tell eachother about what was said/happened as to further sell the act of Robin being a shapeshifter, because clearly it has to be the same person, Robin knows what happened, so it couldn't of been someone else dressed as Robin.

[theendlessnessofbeingme]

At a justice league meeting discussing a major threat and if they should tell the public

Bruce: We don’t want to be causing an international crisis. I suggest we keep this information to only a select few individuals outside this room

At the Batcave

Bruce: News flash, we’re screwed

Jason: I knew it! I told you all that those lights weren’t just a league training gone wrong!

[spicy-apple-pie]

Can someone write a fic where Bruce is on a JL mission and they somehow get a baby that they need to take care of until they find their parents. And all the JL members just cannot stop this baby from crying (this is before Clark has Jon so he’s pretty clueless with babies still) and eventually Bruce is like, “give them to me.”

And the JL is like “uhh, we don’t know if we should trust BATMAN with a baby, but at this point… fuck it.” And hand the baby over to him.

And Batman tucks the baby into his chest and softly bounces them, talking to them gently in a deep rumbly voice. “It’s okay sweetheart. Shhh, you’re safe.” And eventually, the baby doesn’t just stop crying, but falls asleep.

And the JL just stand there, gobsmacked. Because what the fuck??? Why is the Batman so good with babies??? And the rest of the mission Batman just has the baby because a) they don’t want them to wake up and start fussing again. And b) because Batman looks genuinely happy (as happy as Batman can be without deeply horrifying the JL).

[arkangelo-7]

Dick Grayson, except that when he was Robin, he 100% took advantage of all the powered JL members.

Needed help getting the peanut butter off the top shelf? Instead of doing the weird jump-and-grab thing that all mortals must resign themselves to doing, Dick asked for Clark. Like, asks for him. Loudly. And Clark was always so startled that he’d drop whatever he was doing and speed over to the Manor, only to be greeted by a pouty, hangry Robin who wanted a pbj.

His tree house fell down during a storm? He made a call to John Stewart, architect-turned-Lantern. That poor man fucking rocketed across Sector 2814 to help Robin, who was completely inconsolable, rebuild that damn treehouse because Batman was out of town and couldn’t do it himself. (Dick also occasionally called up Hal, Guy, and Jessica when he was bored and wanted to babble about his life in 3rd grade while playing Hotwheels—they showed up every single time he asked.)

History or English homework got to hard? Diana always came in clutch. She would patiently explain Shakespeare to him (sometimes would even translate it into Dick’s mother tongue so he could understand a little better), or help him write his essays, etc. And on one memorable occasion, she recreated the Battle of Actium in the Manor’s indoor pool.

He also got piggyback rides from Hawkgirl, was fed a pretty much endless supply of gummy bears by the Flash, was entertained with close-up magic by Zatara, got Aquaman to introduce him to a Kraken, and even once played dress-up with J’onn.

And the Justice League? They would bend over backwards for that kid. Partially because Dick had only-baby-in-the-friend-group privilege, partially because Dick also happened to be stinking adorable—but mainly because no one was going to fuck around with the Batman’s kid. Robin wants it, Robin gets it, or you’re going to be assigned to tech desk and pulling horrible Moniter shifts for months because you got on Batman’s bad side by making his baby cry.

[pinkiemachine]

Concept: an episode of the Justice League cartoon where the MCs get sucked into a 90s teen movie… powers get reset to when they were that age.

[batfamhastwitter]

Part 44! Fun fact, I actually am a natural ginger, but I have been able to gaslight a specific few people into thinking that I'm blonde and just dye it. They've thought that for at least two years at this point. I want to see how long it can go lmao

Prev ~ Beginning ~ Next

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Danny purposely wrote the worst fanfiction he could think of to mentally destroy Tucker and posted it online for everyone to read.

It was a fic so horrid that is would make Lex Luthor squirm, the Justice League writhe and any bats reading it cringe so hard thier spines would be turned to powder!

...so why were the Justice League at his door? And why are they saying that they need to protect him from the people his fic pissed off? We're supervillians really going to try to murder him over one fanfic?

A nearby explosion was his answer. Huh. At least it wasn't ghosts this time. Unfortunately, his parents are involved all the same, which meant their tech was involved, and he was powerless until he could get away from both them and the Justice League who wanted eyes on him 24/7.

[frownyalfred]

I know the Justice League has several different origin stories, but the idea that it started out as Bruce and Clark finishing a reluctant team-up saying “I guess we should have a way to stay in contact with each other” and then five years later they were coparenting an entire satellite of superheroes is so funny to me.

[wonderjanga]

Marvel Being a Terrible “Dad”

In the league’s point of view, Billy has to be a terrible dad… and if he’s not their dad… why is a grown ass man hanging around with these kids? So for peace of mind, they assume Jr. and Mary are his kids. I mean, they kinda look like him. Kinda. Like, I can already see a good portion of them not really liking that he’s letting Freddy and Mary fight bloodthirsty monsters and villains. But, even the heroes that don’t mind that have to take a minute to process Marvel congratulating Mary for going off and doing something extremely reckless:

*They all just watched as Mary flew into an alien spaceship to take it down from the inside out. They knew nothing about the ship, just that it was hostile.*

Mary: *Flies back down from the ship, covered in soot. Lands by Marvel.*

Superman: *Flies over to them* “That was extremely reck—”

Billy: *cuts off* “Mary, that was amazing!”

Superman: “Cap, that wasn’t amazing. It was extremely reckless! She could’ve gotten herself killed!” *gestures to Mary wildly.*

Billy: “But she didn’t!” *gives thumbs up* “Come on, let’s get victory ice cream.”

*The two fly off*

or

*All of them are talking about their kids, eating together at a little lunch table in the Watchtower’s cafeteria like middle schoolers*

Superman: “I wouldn’t let Jon fight any of my villains alone. Most of them, anyways.”

Billy: “Why? Is he not strong enough?”

Superman: “Well, I’m sure he is, but I don’t want him to get hurt, or traumatized. Being a hero can be harsh at times. He’s just a kid.”

Billy: “So? Just cause he’s a kid doesn’t mean that he can’t fight. Just let him.”

Superman: “What? I can’t just let him. How would you feel if Junior or Mary had to fight Black Adam on their own?”

Billy: *shrugs* “Depends. Are they gonna fight him individually or together?”

Batman: *Eating a bat shaped sandwich, made by Alfred* “Individually.”

Billy: “Oh, yeah. Sure. I could trust them to handle Adam alone. I don’t think they could incapacitate him though. A couple times, when I’ve been busy, they’ve held him off for me until I get there.”

Flash: “You just let two little kids (Freddy and Mary look like pre-teens) go out and fight Black Adam? The same Black Adam that destroyed like a quarter of Metropolis in a day?”

Billy: “When you put it like that, it sounds crazy.” *Eats spaghettios*

Green Lantern: “Dude, it is crazy.”

Billy: “Wha? No it’s not. Wondy, when’d you start training for being a whole Amazonian warrior princess?”

Wonder Woman: “When I started adolescence.” *Eats ice cream*

Billy: “Seeeee? It’s fine.”

Martian Manhunter: “How old exactly are Mary and Junior?” *Also eats ice cream*

Billy: “Mary’s eleven and Junior’s twelve, they’re close enough.”

*All except Marvel exchange slightly concerned glances*

or

*Marvel and Junior are bickering next to one of the windows of the Watchtower.*

Black Canary: *Minding her own business and walks past them.*

Billy: “How about I slam your head through this window so we can really see if you can breathe in space, huh?”

*Canary pauses, and wow. Junior didn’t even flinch. That’s actually crazy. The bickering just got worse. This really doesn’t look good from a licensed therapist’s point of view.*