#batfamily fluff

[gothamite-rambler]

It's been 8 years since the headphone jack was removed from the iphone

Damian texted quickly to Carrie on his iPhone 16 and then opened Apple Music to look for a song to play she told him to listen to, but when he couldn't find his airpods he sighed.

Damian (bothered): God damn, I lost my dongle and now I have no earbuds.

Tim chuckled, wiping his nose.

Tim: Why do you insist on calling it a dongle?

Damian: It's one of the names, and it's a funny word. I get tired of the wireless earbuds sometimes, though. I hope someday the new iPhone re-adds that hole at the bottom.

Tim: Hole?

Damian (sincere): Yeah, the place to plug in the jack for old-school headphones. I’d rather have that than charge my wireless ones.

Barbara (looking up from her laptop): I'm sorry… old-school headphones?

Dick: And do you mean the headphone jack? There are phones that still have that.

Damian (intrigued): Are they Apple phones? The older models have them, but they're basically obsolete. They removed it ages ago.

Barbara (frustration in her voice): They removed the headphone jack from the iPhone in 2016.

Damian: Oh wow, that's almost a decade, like eight years ago—

Dick spit out his drink, shocked, and covered his mouth as he coughed. Barbara could only muster a whimper at how much time had passed since the last iPhone had a headphone jack.

Tim (amused): Damian, I agree with you. I use Android myself, but they decided to remove the jack from those phones too. Samsung took it out six years ago.

Dick (shocked): SIX!

Damian: I know, right? Time flies. I'm more of an Apple user, but those folding phones are quite an impressive technical feat. Did they have those back in the day?

Damian and Tim jolted as Dick fell to the ground, covering his face in shock.

Dick: Back in the day?!

Tim (chuckling): Dick, the first flip phone came out in the late '90s.

Barbara (weakly): 19—1996… Okay, but we were born in the '90s! We're not that old!

Dick: Damn right!

Tim (messing with them): That means you didn't have a phone for most of that time! When the first phones came out, you guys had to be in your teens, right?

Damian (surprised then apologetic): Damn! Oh, I'm sorry! Just my teacher was born in the 1900s.

Dick (meekly, still on the floor for comfort): Please stop talking. That doesn’t mean we're old!

Tim (crossing his arms, mischievous): You know, Damian, they didn't have phones when you or I were teenagers. A lot of the stuff we have now didn’t exist back then. No streaming, no fancy laptops, they even had typewriters in schools.

Damian chuckled, bemused by this information.

Damian: I heard they lacked a lot of technology, but what did they do for fun then? I feel like those old black-and-white shows can only entertain you for a short time.

Barbara whimpered, covering her mouth because she did watch a lot of black-and-white shows.

Dick: Okay, we watched color shows back then! I said color shows… oh my God.

Damian (curious): What about music? Could they download it on an… MP3 player?

Tim (enjoying this, shaking his head): Nope! Didn’t exist yet. All they had were CDs and cassette tapes.

Damian: Oh my God, they're that old!

Tim (laughing and covering his mouth): Damn!

Barbara crushed her paper coffee cup in her hand, her left eye twitching as Dick stood to his feet, embarrassed. He rested his hands on the countertop, trying to regain his composure.

Dick (angry, raised voice): I am… not saying my age to you children! I had a phone eventually!

Tim: Not the one he had. You guys grew up Amish, didn't you?

Barbara: I can still punch you in the throat, Tim. Tread lightly.

Dick: I'm not sure about her, but I watched SpongeBob and Rocko's Modern Life.

Damian: Didn't SpongeBob first premiere in 1999? And what's Rocko's Modern Life? An oldies show?

Barbara sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and shaking her head.

Barbara: Nice save, dumbass.

Damian (joining in on the mockery): How did you guys not go insane from boredom? Did you churn butter, go to church, watch the news?

Barbara (slamming her fist on the table): Look, my dad's a cop; I enjoy the news in general!

Damian: I was just curious about the headphone jack, which seems terribly archaic, but this is fascinating I have relics of the past in front of me.

Tim nodded, enjoying picking on their older sibling and friend.

Damian: I have a few more questions for you AARP members. Do you guys reserve early bird seating at restaurants? Do you use anti-aging skincare products, and did you ever use those papers that help with saving money?

Dick: You mean coupons? Oh no, I'm did it again! No, I can't be that old!

Dick sobbed softly.

Barbara (defensively): Sometimes I like an early dinner! Jesus! And if you want the headphone jack back, you can just ask us for one! I carry a lot because I'm cultured!

Barbara pulled out an iPhone Apple Lightning to Headphone Jack Adapter. Damian was thankful at first, but when he saw the Lightning part, he frowned.

Damian: This is for the older iPhones. They use USB-C now.

Barbara: Dick, hold me back.

Dick grabbed Barbara's arm while sitting on the floor again, and she tried to swipe at Damian with her other arm, offended. Tim grabbed Damian's arm and pulled him away while trying not to laugh. Barbara covered her face, groaning.

Barbara: Fuck, we’re old like Bruce now.

Dick (raised voice, defeated): Stop reminding me!

[i-yap]

Jason todd x reader - clingy thoughts

(guys i have no motivation to start writing most days so like whenever I get comments or requests in my inbox I get rlly excited and actually feel like writing)

if jason could, he would melt his skin so it could stick to yours . He is so touch starved but more than that he is just ...starved. like he hasn't ever had anything properly good in his life. and then you're just there and he doesn't think something better could exist

he wants to look at you, he stares a lot. even when he is cuddling you, he's looking at your hands, your hair, whatever he can see in the position

he likes casual intimacy more than fancy intimacy. like linking pinkies when walking, resting your head on his shoulder on the bus, your legs being pressed against each other when you're sitting on a rooftop. something you'd do without thinking but he is constantly thinking about it.

he isn't the lift and spin sort of guy ( like after a mission or something) he is a holds you and falls to the ground from the pain of being separated from you for too long. he is the don't to dare pull away, tears in his eyes, body shaking sort of guy.

he hates being away from you, even across the table is too far. wants to sit next to you or hold your hand if you're sitting across. make sure the table isn't too big. the distance hurts him, its like he has an internal radar that if you cross , his head goes red .

give him any sign that you are just as clingy or even that you don't hate his guts and he will just freeze. he doesn't know how to reciprocate touch, feelings, words, everything but he really really wants to. so just because he stiffens up when you hug him doesn't mean he is gonna let you leave the hug .

his sweetest words come out at like 4am , when you're in the bathtub, sitting on a roof, eating snacks on the floor of your room or lying in bed . you cant be facing him cause he will forget whaT he wanted to say once he sees your face. he is super tired from crime fighting or after s'x or after a nightmare. don't make a big deal out of it cause he wont take it well and will get embarrassed.

he is just so protective, you rlly cant blame him.

[streetlamp-amber]

first kicks

batfamily x batmom!reader

word count: 1.9k | divider by @saradika | requests are open!

CW: family fluff, pregnancy NOTES: i wanted to write more batfam fluff this time with jason included. very sorry if jason is ooc, most of my knowledge of him comes from fics lol

Rainy Sunday afternoons at Wayne Manor were usually spent with you and your sons in the living room, occupying the big U-shaped sectional sofa. Sometimes Bruce would join you three, resting his feet on the coffee table as he worked on his laptop. Today was one of those days.

You were helping Dick do some research on the internet for a science school project that was due next week while Jason laid on his stomach on the other side of the couch, reading a Where’s Waldo? book by himself. Your husband sat in the other corner of the couch, doing some research on the latest villain terrorising Gotham. You didn’t mind if the work he was doing was for Batman, as long as he spent some time with the family outside of the cave, you were satisfied. Especially since the Wayne clan was about to expand in a little more than four months. Plus, with your belly growing bigger as the weeks went by, it was becoming harder for you to do some tasks around the house. Tasks that you didn’t want to ask Alfred for help with since it was your husband’s job to be at your beck and call through the pregnancy. Bruce obviously didn’t mind and loved helping you, he just sometimes tended to get lost in his Batman work for long periods of time.

The television was playing in the background, a football game between two teams that you didn’t really care about was taking place but you didn’t mind. You couldn’t work well without some sort of background noise and this was doing the job.

”So Dick, have you chosen which natural disaster to base your research project on?” Bruce asked your eldest while closing his laptop and joining him on his other side, making the twelve year old squished between his parents.

”We’ve narrowed it down to three: the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami, the 1906 San Francisco earthquake and Hurricane Katrina,” Dick answered, clicking on different tabs of each of the natural disasters as he named them. “I want to do my research on a popular one so I can easily find all the information I need.”

”Smart, isn’t he?” You smirked at Bruce as you mindlessly threaded your fingers in Dick’s dark hair who continued scrolling on the internet.

“Never thought otherwise,” your husband said, mirroring your grin. “Jay, have you found all the Waldos yet?” He leaned forward to ask Jason.

“I’m almost done,” the six year old easily dismissed Bruce, not even bothering to tear his eyes away from the pages.

“It’s best not to bother him when he’s searching for Waldo,” you informed your husband in a low volume.

Bruce nodded his head in understanding and redirected his attention back on Dick. “So, how are you gonna make your choice, chum? You could write them down on three pieces of paper and do a draw,” he suggested, leaning his arm on the back of the couch behind Dick, his fingers playing with the neck of your tshirt.

“Dad, I don’t need to write it down on some paper,” Dick sighed, a little annoyed. “You can do that on the internet now.”

��You can?” Bruce asked, surprised. Your husband was really tech savvy when it came down to work related to Batman, but silly, random stuff like a drawing roulette was not part of his internet knowledge.

You leaned your head on your left hand that was propped on the back of the couch and soothingly rubbed your round belly with the other. You watched with a soft smile Dick showing Bruce how to generate a random picking wheel to spin on the internet. Moments like these were the ones you cherished the most, domesticity wasn’t always the norm around here when you had two vigilantes living under your roof so you always tried to savour them whenever they happened.

The calmness in you was interrupted when you felt movement under your right hand.

“Oh my God,” you whispered, eyes round like saucers as you looked down at your bump and raised up the hem of your shirt to make sure what you felt was right.

“What?” Bruce immediately turned his attention to you. “What is it? Is something wrong? Are you alright?”

“I think the baby just kicked,”you said, raising your head to meet his eyes.

“The baby just kicked?” He repeated in disbelief.

You shook your head ‘yes’ just as you felt more movement. “The baby kicked again.”

Bruce rapidly stood up to sit by your side while Dick discarded his laptop before placing a hand on your belly and Jason left his book to climb on your husband’s lap to be closer to you. All had a hand on your stomach, staring at it expectantly, waiting for another kick.

“I don’t know if the baby’s gonna kick again,” you told them.

“Well that’s just not fair,” Jason whined.

“We just need to be patient,” Bruce said. “I’m sure the baby will do it again.”

And sure enough he was right. 

“Oh my God! I felt it! I felt the baby kick!” Dick exclaimed, though he kept the volume of his voice to a low level as if he would scare the baby away if he screamed.

“I wanna feel it too!” Jason cried.

“Here Jay, put your hand there,” you told your youngest as you gently grabbed his wrist and moved his hand to a different area of your belly, closer to Dick’s hand.

“Maybe if we keep talking, the baby will kick again,” Dick suggested.

“That’s true, babies can hear us from inside the mother’s belly,” Bruce agreed with him.

“They can?” Jason looked at you quizzically.

You chuckled at his confused face as you brushed his hair away from his forehead. “Yeah they can, it’s not completely soundproof in there,” you answered him.

“That’s why Dad is always talking to your belly?” Dick asked.

You fully laughed at this. “Yes, that’s why Dad talks to the belly. You can too if you wanna.”

“We can?” Dick perked up then leaned closer to your bump. “Hi baby, I’m Dick. Your big brother,” he said.

Jason also leaned forward. “And I’m Jason, I’m also gonna be your big brother.”

“Yeah but I’m the big big brother, I’m the oldest,” Dick argued.

“But I’m gonna be a big brother too!”

“Boys,” Bruce intervened. “No arguing around your mother. The baby will hear enough of that when it joins our lives, let it have its peace while it’s in the womb.”

A series of kicks started at that moment, making Dick and Jason gasp in surprise at the movements they felt under their hands. Bruce turned to you and the two of you shared a look full of love.

“That’s our baby,” he said to you, almost in a whisper, while Dick and Jason continued marvelling at the fact they could feel their sibling.

“That's our baby,” you repeated in confirmation. Nothing could've erased the smiles on both of your lips.

“I love you,” Bruce said against your forehead before leaving a soft kiss there and pulling away to share a short peck on the lips with you.

“Ew! Gross!” Jason interrupted your moment. Your sons weren’t the biggest fans of you and Bruce’s displays of affection for each other.

You giggled at the boys’ antics but still took a second to say “I love you” back to your husband.

“Someone should get Alfred so we can share this moment with him,” you suggested to the kids.

“Not it!”

“Not it!”

Jason and Dick quickly shouted, the former being the fastest to say it.

Dick groaned before he stood up from the couch and jogged out of the living room. The faster he would find Alfred, the faster he would be back next to you. “Alfred! The baby is kicking for the first time!” Dick called through the manor for your butler.

“He knows he doesn’t need to scream, right?” Bruce asked you. “Alfred can hear the boys break something all the way from the other side of the house.”

“Oh, let him be. He’s just very excited about the baby kicking,” you lightly reprimanded him with the corner of your mouth pulling up in a smirk.

You detached your gaze from your husband down to Jason who now had both of his small hands on your belly, his mouth in the shape of an ‘O’ and his eyes round with wonder in them.

“This is so cool,” he said, barely above a whisper.

“Looks like you’re gonna have some competition Jay, that baby sure is kicking a lot,” Bruce jokingly commented as the kicking didn’t stop.

You chuckled as you remembered all the times you’d stop by the gym room to find Jason relentlessly kicking at Bruce’s punching bag. For a six year old, he already had so much anger pent up inside his little body and it worried you sometimes. But ever since Bruce brought him back to the Manor, Jay had been getting better. The amount of vases thrown at the wall had drastically decreased since then, both to yours and Alfred’s reliefs, and he instead would run to the gym room and let out his anger on the punching bag when needed.

“I can’t wait to play fight with you,” Jason whispered loudly to your belly with a smile.

“No,” you immediately said.

“Best you stick to play fighting with Dick for a couple more years, buddy,” Bruce told your son.

Jason pouted. “But he's always pulling some acrobatic shit–”

“Language!” You scolded him.

“But Ma! Dad and Dick say it all the time!” Jason cried out defensively. “That’s not fair,” he retracted his hands from your belly to cross his arms over his chest.

“Well Dad and Dick, and you too apparently, will not be saying words like that around the baby,” you warned. “Capiche?”

“Capiche,” Jason mumbled.

“Capiche?” You repeated, now glaring at your husband.

“Hey, I’ve really been refraining on the bad words ever since Dick joined us,” Bruce argued but you raised your eyebrows in a way that said this wasn’t what you wanted to hear. “Capiche,” Bruce sighed out, knowing he wasn't going to win this fight.

“Master Dick, slow down a little. There’s no need for running,” you heard Alfred’s voice approaching down the hall.

“But Alfred, the baby is kicking!” Dick reiterated.

Your oldest ran in the living room, his hand firmly holding Alfred’s who tried to keep up behind him.

“I heard you the first ten times, Master Dick, the baby will still be there no matter how fast we get there,” Alfred argued.

“Yeah but it might stop kicking,” Dick said and the two sat on the couch to your unoccupied left.

“Don’t worry chum, the baby’s still kicking,” Bruce told him while looking fondly at your belly.

“Please Alfred, feel the baby,” you said to your butler with an inviting smile, grabbing his hand that rested on his knee and gently squeezing it. “We want you to be part of this moment too.”

Alfred’s hand joined the others on your bump and the old man smiled at you and Bruce as he felt the tiny bumps moving around under your skin. “This is sensational.”

“Isn’t it?” You smiled back at him, content to have everyone you wanted to share your baby’s first kicks with.

Your little family of five (soon-to-be six) remained on the couch until the baby grew tired and stopped kicking, much to Dick and Jason’s dismay. Alfred went back to his tasks, the boys to their laptop and book, and Bruce wrapped his arm around your shoulder as you cuddled next to him, watching over your children and just enjoying the normalcy of this Sunday afternoon.

Domesticity used to be rare at the Wayne Manor, but not anymore. And you, for one, were very happy about it.

[gay-dorito-dust]

You: *leave for work*

Dick, suddenly depressed and decided to text the batfamily group chat: my sweetheart has abandoned me. (they left about 5 minutes ago for work) They didn’t leave a note for their absence to quell my growing worry. (They didn’t give me my regularly scheduled good morning kisses. How mean.)

And now I sit within our shared bed, wondering if they’ll ever come home while I continue to suffer with the void they’ve created in my heart. (They’re on an open til close shift and I’m slowly going insane bc how am I meant to eat breakfast without my breakfast buddy.)

Jason, taking the piss: guys I think Dickie boy misses y/n.

Steph, joining in: really? I wonder what gave you that idea…

Jason: dunno, something just tells me that he misses y/n. Can’t put my finger on what tho. 🤷‍♂️

Damian: Grayson I can’t keep defending you…

Duke: maybe talk to them on their break if you miss them so badly, or visit them at work? Just a suggestion.

Tim: I’ve screenshot this conversation and am sending it to y/n right now. You’re very welcome.

Steph: Dick when y/n leave him for any more then 5 minutes:

[confused-wanderer]

Do you ever think Nightwing can sniff out candies like a bloodhound?

The batfam doesn’t like to admit they all stole Bruce’s ideas of having lollipops and snacks for children. So they try and hide it as much as they can. But when Nightwing drops by, it doesn’t even take a second before he’s confidently striding upto them, taking a candy out and popping it in his mouth while walking away in one swift motion, as if this whole act was so casual it was basically mocking the painstaking efforts everyone went through trying to hide their empathy.

Dick Grayson always did have a habit of knowing exactly where they all hid their hearts.

That fucking asshole.

[arjudy224]

Chemical Valley

(The Intern x Red Hood)

After the unsettling reminder of her past, Y/N has been avoiding vigilantes for the last few months. However, Dr. Harris has requested backup in the form of Gotham's newest crime lord. What could go wrong?

The Intern Collection:

Prequel: Death of a family

The Intern: Day one

The Intern: The Laughing Fish

The Intern: Busy Work

The Intern: Outreach Gala

The Intern: Visiting an old friend

The Intern: Chemical Valley

The Intern: Billionaire Boys Club

I'm getting real sick of risking my life for a minimum-wage job. Driving around with Dr. Harris is one thing, but since when did the job description list teaming up with crime lords? I mean it's the Red Hood for Christ's sake. Dr. Harris gives me a protective smile from the driver's seat.

"Don't worry about Red Hood. He knows what he's doing." He starts sensing my apprehension. "Besides, he owes me a favor."

I nod with a nervous smile. Red Hood is the only vigilante that I've never interacted with. He only recently appeared in Gotham. From what I've heard on the streets, he isn't exactly on great terms with Batman.

"All due respect... hasn't he killed people? " I question glancing around the lonely alleyway.

Growing silent, Harris contemplates his response.

"Not recently." He says with what is supposed to be a comforting pat on the shoulder.

Trying to ignore the anxiety creating knots across my gut, I reply with more enthusiasm than I feel.

"Oh well... that's progress."

Harris laughs.

"It's Gotham dear. It's hard to find someone who hasn't committed murder. I wouldn't worry too much about the Hood though. If you can befriend Waylon, a little boy in a helmet is the least of your worries. "

I raise an eyebrow.

"You wanna elaborate?"

He smiles sweetly. I narrow my eyes.

"Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answers to."

That shuts me up. We sit in silence for a few minutes while I contemplate what he just said. Dr. Harris isn't exactly wrong... Glancing at the time clock on the dashboard, I frown. I guess vigilantes aren't known for being punctual, but at least Nightwing was on time. Considering our history, maybe we were both eager to see each other again. I try to focus on the cool air dusting across my face.

A swift knock causes me to jump. The infamous Red Hood almost cartoonishly waves at me from the outside the window. My nervous heart patters like a hummingbird. Eyeing his bike, I sigh. It was silent... Of course, it was silent. What kind of muffler does he have on that thing?

Harris rolls down the window.

"Good morning. Thank you for meeting us."

Leaning on the car door, Red Hood asks in a deep voice

"What do you have for me Dr.?"

"Routine inspection of Ace chemicals. Normally, I wouldn't worry about having a backup, but with an uptick in Joker sightings... I figured it would be better to be safe than sorry."

Hood nods, then glances in my direction.

"I'll keep an eye out."

"Y/N L/N," I say introducing myself, "But most people call me L/N."

"Weren't you the one who convinced the Riddler to let you go in exchange for inspecting his lair for asbestos?" Hood asks with a tone of pride.

I smile while shaking his hand. Word must get around quick.

"Yeah, that's me. He didn't even ask me any riddles. The poor man was terrified."

Dr. Harris whips his head around.

"Why haven't I heard about this?" He demands.

I flash him a shit-eating grin.

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to Dr. Maybe Metropolis hasn't made me so soft after all."

Before he can start lecturing me, I step out of the car to face my new bodyguard. Keeping my eyes trained on the ground. I sidestep the hulking mammoth of a man.

"Thank you for dropping me off Dr., but I'm sure "Little" Red and I can take it from here."

From the Driver's seat, Harris watches me with a hint of pride.

"This is not the last time we will be discussing this."

"I look forward to the debrief," I remark as he pulls away.

The ACE chemicals manufacturing plant towers over the surrounding buildings. The smoke stacks excrete a dark sticky aerosol that trickles down from above. Its gothic structure makes it look like something out of a Tim Burton film. Taking a step near the external shutter, I drag my index finger across. My glove smears a damp power off revealing the old white paint. An uncomfortable sensation settles in my chest.

There is no way this amount of air pollution is legal.

After my second round of coughing, Red Hood offers me a disposable face mask. I gratefully take it. The neon green sign serves as a haunting reminder that somehow this has passed inspection. My eyebrows narrow. We passed several kids on the way here. What does that do to someone? No wonder Dr. Harris mentioned childhood asthma. I'm more concerned about the long-term exposure to industrial solvents.

Glancing at Red Hood, I state

"There is no way this is legal."

Red Hood stays quiet for a moment. Adjusting his helmet, he replies

"The law can be anything you want as long as you kill the inspectors who challenge you."

My mouth falls open. A thousand questions flood my mind.

"Somebody must have tried."

Hood tilts his head while glancing between us and the doors.

"Somebody did try."

Tossing me a key card over his shoulder, he continues, "You can visit them in Arkham if you want."

I flounder to catch the key card. It takes a few moments to register his words. Them as in more than one? Or is he concealing their identity? By the time my brain focuses, I stand in the alley alone staring up at a sign for a trading card company.

Isn't that where the Joker.... Oh hell no...

Stumbling through the stained doors, a bubbly man contrasts the bleak external welcome. As he rambles, I analyze the faded posters nailed to the wall. Dr. Harris briefly mentioned the factory's history of producing bioweapons during the Second World War. Hazardous feels like an understatement. I nodd along with the pleasant man, yet something in my gut tells me to keep my eyes and ears open.

Walking past a dust cloud, my lungs contract. Unable to steady myself, I sneak down a back hall to take my inhaler. The rambling man continues down the other hallway completely oblivious to my absence. I tear the disposable mask off my face. Searching my pockets for the familiar medication, my heart drops. Of course, I left it in the car.

I sink into a seated position once the dizziness sets in. Do. Not. Panic. We cannot do that again. No more emergency room trips. A pair of boots emerges from the shadows.

"Are you alright?"

I nodd while focusing on each labored breath.

"Sometimes, I really hate this city." I wheeze clutching my chest.

Red Hood lets out a dry laugh before taking a seat next to me.

"I have something that might help, but you have to trust me."

A small inhaler makes its way into my left hand. Squinting, a small Bat engraving stares up at me. I give him an incredulous glance. There is no fucking way that Batman has a pharmacy.

"It works. I promise."

Reluctantly, I take two puffs. We sit in silence for a few minutes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. I relish the first full breath of air in days. My lungs expand completely. It is glorious.

"How is your friendship with Killer Croc?"

The immense pain that weighs on my chest lessens slightly.

"I'm sure Waylon wouldn't use the word friend. "

I open my eyes to look at him. Spots litter my vision. The sticky residue has left grime all over his mask. I hesitate.

"Waylon has lost everything... Everyone really. All he really needed was a friend."

Hood stays silent weighing out my words.

"What factory did they make you in?" He questions.

I can almost hear a smile in his voice.

"The same one that kicked you out for defects." I retort staring at the white paint peeling on the far left wall.

Considering the age of this building, I really hope that's not lead paint.

"Touché, Ms. Friendship. Touché"

I give him a friendly shove.

"You know, you aren't as bad as your reputation suggests."

He laughs climbing to his feet.

"I wouldn't go that far. Usually, I'm a dick."

"Better a dick than a sociopath," I say dusting off the black power on my pants.

"Damn Metropolis. Who have you been talking to?"

I shrug.

"It's Gotham. "

After a few moments of friendly silence, he asks

"You ready to find Mr. Optimistic?"

I nodd allowing him to pull me to my feet. Enjoying the comfortable silence, I open the door for him once we make it down the hall. To my surprise, Red Hood slams me against a wall before covering my mouth. Paralyzed in shock, I don't fight him. The Red Bat insignia stares at me. The soft aroma of his cologne catches me off guard. It's nice. Very musky. There's something so... familiar about it. I suddenly feel my face go red. There is no way I am evaluating how good a CRIMINAL smells. Get a grip girl.

Ignoring my mental crisis, Red Hood leads the two of us out the back door. Stumbling out the door behind him, I bend over holding my knees for stability. This is a lot of cardio for a regular inspection.

"What the hell was that about dude?" I hiss in between breaths.

Red Hood doesn't say anything.

"I know you are trying for the strong and silent type, but I think this partnership would benefit from open communication."

Standing up tall, a gunman aims a pistol directly at my temple.

Oh.. That's why.

Tag list: @nosyrobin, @jjsmeowthie, @epicy0n,@gaychaosgremlin, @rory-cakes, @luna-zendra-star

[apocalypse-shuffle]

BRUCE WAYNE | BATMAN (generalized fanon | wfa)

—

Bruce Wayne w/ a Rastafarian S/O (Bruce Wayne x Batmom!Reader)

Headcanons

SFW, slice of life, BATMOM, batfamily appearances, fluff, established relationship(s) - caribbean!reader

Pic source — Batman: Wayne Family Adventures webtoon

Bruce initially being the only person allowed to see your locs.

Each kid takes it as a rite of passage when they’re allowed to see your hair as well. You do your best to stress to them not to make it seem like an obligation or some huge sign of your love or anything, but they tend to give it more weight than you want them to regardless.

It’s just that when you’re in your home, and around your people, you can trust your locs to be free.

The first time when the house was quiet (no risk of guests) Bruce suddenly found one night that he was allowed to see your locs after you finally convinced him to get out of the Batsuit and come sleep upstairs in a bed instead of on a cot in the cave.

You don’t make a big deal of it, and he doesn’t comment right then, but he is very pleased.

You and Damian bond over ‘vegan’ dishes and desserts.

There’s plenty of times when you’re making a Caribbean dish ‘vegan’ (ie: compatible with your Ital diet to a natural medicinal-esq degree) that he acts as your taste tester or is the accomplice to any failures you make in the kitchen.

Something about ‘Rasta Pasta’ does vex you, though. There’s just something so antithetical about something that explicitly has ‘Rasta’ in the name having meat in it most of the time that boggles your mind even though it isn’t a big deal.

You share your feelings about this with Bruce and he nods sagely while Duke busts a gut behind him with his hands slapped over his mouth. Duke does think you have a point but the way you’re talking about it and just how seriously Bruce is taking your otherwise trivial complaint is killing him.

Jason picks out pretty wraps for you to wrap your head with from wherever he’s traveled. A lot of them you sew into skirts you buy to make them longer but still give them a personal touch.

Everyone eats your food; no one misses the meat (and all the other things you don’t cook with) and Alfred supremely enjoys the day off from the kitchen because if you're asked to make dinner you’re making breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dessert too.

Dick will come all the way from Bludhaven for your fungi and (meatless) veggie stew, please do not play. You make extra just for him to take home every time.

Bruce loves at night when you’re going to bed and you drop your hair. Loves getting to see your locs knock into your back and fall over your shoulders. Your hair is your crown and Bruce treats it with every bit of reverence it deserves.

Whenever he can he likes to twine his fingers through your locs when you kiss.

On slow days when the Bat isn’t needed and Bruce Wayne doesn’t have to make an appearance you spend the day around each other. You alternate from his office to your bedroom while he works and you oil and retwist your hair on the bed or on the couch in his study.

The two of you have your dumbest conversations on days like these which is how Duke and Damian end up walking in on you both debating the logistics of whether capri pants were an acceptable fashion choice.

Both Duke and Damian sided with you saying they were not, but then Tim walked in on the conversation and - even after explaining your reasoning to him - sided with Bruce saying they were a perfect choice for when you couldn’t decide between shorts or pants.

When Steph passes by the open door she shakes her head at Tim, clicking her tongue like you usually do, and asks you if she can borrow one of your blouses even though you can see it already under her arm.

You make it mandatory that you all go out as a family to connect with nature, not just be around it, and to get some actual sun.

Hikes are absolutely your jam, and it’s not like Bruce likes anything better than to show off for you. Rock climbing in nature, taking trips to swim in the Caribbean, cave explorations, plant scavenger hunts, star gazing, and more are all on the table too when free time comes into play.

You and Bruce also go on regularly scheduled walks (that is when he’s not too torn up to walk) where you take the time to catch up and re-familiarize and ground yourselves through growing your connection even more.

You also have the room — and Bruce is more than happy to give you it — to have a giant garden where you grow a lot of your own food, and you maintain it as a family.

You wake up to pray every morning like clockwork, and Bruce doesn’t join in but he does wake up for a short stint of time to watch you before passing back out.

If there was one thing your husband wasn’t, it was a morning person (within reason, most of the time).

If he is up and moving (and home) when you’re going out he likes to wrap your locs up for you. The first time he offered you raised a brow at him, but he eased the fabric from your hands and turned you around to show you what he meant anyway. When he wraps the fabric around your bundled locs exactly like how you do without any instruction you’re shocked, but the smile you give him afterwards is dazzled enough that Bruce winks at you.

When he’s really calm, usually before he’s about to slip into sleep after a long time running around and plotting as Batman, he’ll go soft and as floaty as he ever does. While one of his hands will be wrapped around you, the other often gravitates towards the wooden ankh you wear (if you still have it on). He winds it between his fingers, playing with the beads that adorn the necklace like he’s in a trance as he presses sleepy kisses to your brown skin.

You pray for him most often when he’s like this, your touch on him soft and your hand a gentle balm in his hair in turn; his life was always on the line after all, and so were your children’s. It couldn’t hurt, that was for sure.

You make the Manor a little louder relatively often; keeping the energy in your adopted home alive (when you don’t have a full house, especially) with the music you play. It’s healing. Makes everyone in the house get a little more energy in their step at the reggae and Caribbean hymns in the background.

Plus, watching Dami’s head bounce to the music when he’s not paying attention is too cute.

Whenever you’re blessed enough to hear (what’s typically) Jason, Steph, or Duke singing familiar lyrics under their breaths or humming well worn and loved tunes, too, you can’t help how your heart swells.

Dick will full on just sing along with you if he’s around, in all his off key glory, and you love that just the same.

You’re in your garden a lot and out of all your kids Cassandra enjoys being out there with you the most. You two often gather from and maintain the garden together in silence. You suspect she likes how visibly non-demanding it is; it gives her brain a break.

Alfred has his roses and you have your produce/aromatics and you share irrigation tips.

You share your beliefs with your crew whenever they ask but are perfectly content to let them choose their own paths in life.

Cass listens to your prayers the most, you don’t think she believes in the Most High (or any ‘higher power’ that people praise for that matter) but you love that she appreciates the messages regardless.

The elites and the press act absolutely ridiculous about you and your natural appearance, but you just don’t pay them no mind and go about your business unbothered. That hatred was their prerogative, not yours; you would not bow to their system, to the machinations of Babylon.

You’re single-handedly making Bruce Wayne (Gotham’s ‘Crown Prince’) smell inarguably like incense; just from him being so obsessed with you and always wanting to be around you as much as possible he’ll smell like any variety of sages to cedars (& etc.).

If there’s anyone that’s going to hasten Wayne Enterprises shifting to more eco friendly practices and renewable energy it’s going to be you. It’s not like you had to do much though, Bruce is pretty advancement friendly on his own.

You start a good amount of community gardens throughout Gotham through W.E. — villians mostly leave them alone outside of Ivy occasionally making the plants mutated enough to ‘come to life’.

NOTES: Hope you enjoyed!!!

I’d like to make it known that most of the information I put here was gained through observation (& some lived experience), but also that while the person I garnered this information from is a Rasta, that they aren’t a particularly ‘traditional’ one, so take that as you will. Also, not every Rasta practices the same way so don’t hold me as a source or anything either.

I’m also a non-Jamaican Caribbean, just fyi.

btw: if you’d like to leave a comment I’d very much appreciate it!

Alt. Banner (scrapped) —

[bruciemilf]

Bruce and Harvey Being Dads

Harvey didn't want kids thanks to a little thing called generational trauma. They were basically the equivalent of

Bruce, big doe eyes, " I want a baby"

" no"

"Oh, okay"

" wait but don't ask another guy I'll do it"

No but seriously; Harvey becomes a dad very much accidentally. Two-Face?! Tim Drake from Batman the Animated series would disagree, but the fucker likes children

Bruce silently made it known he, Dick, Jason and Tim were a package deal and Two Face was PREPARED

I LOVE me some baby batkids. 10 year old Dick had to call Harvey to the principal's office, because like hell he'd face Bruce's 2 hour lecture. Harvey stresses that he can't just fight any kid that annoys him.

" He called Bruce a bad word. That word Luthor said to him last time and you knocked him out"

"...You want an ice cream?"

Harvey's a bit of a workaholic. Hey, the reformed life is slippery. Bruce has two main methods of tempting him back home; 1) send him admittedly adorable pics of Jason trying on suits 3 times his size, or use his " Please, Harv?" Voice

The Batkids know three simple truths in life; Harvey can't say no to Bruce. Harvey is catholic. Harvey prays to God and answers to Bruce.

You think Dick has golden child syndrome? Imagine being Duke Thomas. " why can't you be more like Duke?" Is basically the most used phrase in the house

Two-Face prides himself on being the only one with a backbone, only to fold like paper if they pull the " Papi, come on" trick

Bruce frames all of their babies' drawings and Harvey has copies of them all over the DA Office. He most DEFINITELY brags with his family.

Especially portraits. Imagine Harvey being nervous to pose, but Tim pulls those sad kitten eyes on him and gets so happy. " make me pretty, conejito"

" You already are, papa"

Bruce is dad/daddy, Harvey is pa or papa and Two Face is Pops

They have monopoly tournaments that turn VERY competitive on Bruce's side. One time he lost and didn't speak to anybody for 2 days until Harvey had a " talk" with him

If he winces when he sits down, grumbling as Harvey plants a kiss on his cheek along with a morning coffee, extra extra sugar, Alfred simply pretends he doesn't see it.

[francisofgotham1]

Bat Family is Multilingual

While that seems like an obvious observation, not enough people talk about it, either on this site on anywhere else. But yeah, the Bats are a polyglot household. And for those that grew up speaking more than one language, we all know the mayhem that brings.

You know the "spanglish" and "portenglish" that we create? It's on another level at the Wayne residence. Conversations switch languages every sentence, for their dialect of gibberish to anyone outside of it.

For example, the conversation goes: English -> Spanish -> Swahili -> Aramaic -> Mandarin -> Portuguese -> Patuá (Macanese Patois) -> Romani -> Navajo -> Kryptonian -> Coptic -> Arabic -> Doric Greek (Greek from Sparta) -> Griko (Greek dialect in Italy) -> Cherokee -> Vietnamese -> Nahuatl -> Hebrew -> Back to English

Also, they switch languages depending on what they're cooking and proceed to shout it across the kitchen. The loudest The Latin ones and Arabic.

Even sign language is multilingual. The family has their version of it (created by Cass, which uses more body language and movements that show things and feelings instead of words), but they switch between American, British, French, New Zealand, Irish, Brazilian, Maritime, Hong Kong, Inuit, Ka'apor, and even Plains Indian SL on the daily basis. It's so varied that for an outsider, it just looks like their gesturing half the time.

And honestly, I think it all started with an angry Bruce learning French and German from Alfred.

[slasher-fucker-and-sucker]

Can I request headcannons for being youngest member of bat fam, being closest to Cassandra, and not used to anyone caring about Cass becoming a sister figure to r?

Being the Youngest Member of the Batfamily & Cassandra Cain as a Sister Figure

1. Having come from a rough background, you’re not used to the closeness or care the Batfamily offers, but Cass is the one you feel most comfortable around. Her quiet presence feels natural and grounding.

2. Cass quickly takes on a sisterly role, often acting as your shadow. She’s protective, but she also respects your space and independence, making her support feel less intimidating. She teaches you the importance of self-care and quiet strength.

3. Much like Cass, you don’t always use words to communicate. Instead, you rely on subtle body language and eye contact, which she immediately understands. Whether it’s a reassuring glance or a comforting hand squeeze, she’s there for you in ways that don’t need verbal affirmation.

4. She becomes your training partner, helping you improve your skills without pressuring you. Cass is gentle when teaching you new moves but firm when she knows you need to be pushed. Her patience makes you feel respected and understood.

5. Cass often reads you like an open book, sensing your discomfort or frustration even when you try to hide it. She quietly reassures you that it’s okay to let your guard down and trust someone, reminding you that you don’t have to face everything alone.

6. Cass introduces you to a few of her interests, such as meditation or silent reading sessions, as a way to bond. These shared activities become a grounding force for you, and you cherish these calm moments with her. She makes an effort to join you in any of your hobbies as well, no matter how unconventional they might be.

7. You were wary of everyone at first, but Cass’ consistent care starts breaking down the walls you’ve built. Knowing she’s someone who’s also endured a difficult past, you feel like you can relate to her more easily than others.

8. Cass might not talk a lot, but she gives insightful advice whenever you need it. Her words are often simple but filled with meaning, offering you guidance in a way that feels unforced and natural.

9. Though she’s quiet, Cass becomes fierce if she sees anyone—enemy or family—crossing your boundaries. She’s the first to stand between you and anyone who underestimates you, showing you that you’re worthy of respect and care.

10. Cass encourages you to open up, helping you find confidence in being vulnerable. Her silent but steady presence teaches you that family can mean support without strings attached, and she’s there whenever you’re ready to let someone in.

11. Whether it’s leaving a cup of tea on your desk or patting your shoulder after a rough mission, Cass’ small acts of care remind you that you’re not alone. It’s these quiet moments that make you realize she’s the sister you never knew you needed.

[tinkerbelle05]

Batfam as catshifters headcanons

You can blame this post for the brainriot I have

When shifting they occur either willingly or when the person is experiencing heightened emotions. When this happens to one of his kids, Bruce shifts and just engulfs them. Giving them all of the affection to help calm them down.

Cuddles are a MUST. It happens after family dinner where everyone’s bellies are full and they are getting tired. Once neither of them made it to the living room and just passed out in the hallway.

That picture, the bane to all of the kids’ existence, is hung on the wall of Bruce’s office. They all tried to get rid of it, but he just keeps replacing them. Why does he have so many copies of that one photo?!

There’s a room in the manor that is specifically dedicated for the bats when they are in their cat forms

When one of the kids have a nightmare, they go into Dick’s or Bruce’s room and just cuddle into their bodies.

Damien’s the type to scratch people who are strangers, Tim has the most scratches from Damien when he first came to live with them.

When Jason’s mad at Bruce, he would purposely knocks things off of his desk, whether he’s in human or cat form.

Dick likes jumping onto high places that cats or humans shouldn't be on. The most famous one is the chandelier but he has gotten into other places; fridges, cabinets, Bruce’s head when he was just a kitten.

Cass’s the type to just ignore your presence unless she wants something from you. Whether that’s food, headpats, or belly rubs. But normally she just chills with whoever’s in the same room as her.

Damien and Tim get into cat fights where everything’s on the table. Claws are out and teeth, anything that can cause harm, will be used.

Duke is seen as chill, by most people but he’s a gremlin just like his siblings. He likes to scare Bruce by hiding into small spaces (taught by Cass ofc) and gives Bruce heart attacks daily. But all Duke has to do is head butt Bruce on his legs and looks at Bruce with the sun hitting just right, and Bruce would fold.

Steph HATES taking a bath in cat form. She would whine and try her hardest to get out of it. Alfred has a tiny scratch on his arm that proves it.

Now with a part 2: Link

[gothamite-rambler]

Oh God, a tape deck?!

Dick (on the phone): Where are you guys?

Jason (on the phone while dragging Bruce to his car): It's going to be a minute—stop kicking me!

Bruce (struggling): I'm not getting in the car! The car has a tape deck! It's got chip wrappers on the floor! I'm not getting in!

Jason (frustrated): Stop it! I will clean it later! And tapes are making a comeback!

Bruce (sarcastically): Does it even have Bluetooth?

Jason: I have an aux port—Bruce, stop crawling away!

Bruce (determined): Let me crawl to the place!

Dick (chuckling): Cool, at least you're not fighting about who should be the leader. We'll wait for you here.

Jason (exasperated): Cool—ow! Okay, you kicked me in the stomach! I'm knocking your ass out!

[i-yap]

Batboys+bruce x y/n thoughts

Now "the man" is dick grayson. Batman literally said Nightwing is what Batman should have been. He is kind he is understanding he is caring and patient and honestly if you are a little broken, u are assigned to dick . He is wanted by everyone, this is the guy you take home. this is the man who buys you flowers and serenades you and always keeps your boundaries in mind. this is the man that can read you like an open book. that sees the real you no matter how hard you try to hide. Not saying he doesn't have issues, he sucks at communication and commitment. he has a saviours complex. But with the right person, it just fades away and all there is left is the perfect man to marry and have kids and save the world. - aka the married couple

BUT jason is "the man for a woman" . He practically worships the ground you walk on( he lowkey does , like if you're away from the house he'll look at the apartment floor and be like...wheeererrr isss myyyy y/nnnn ) He will leave everything behind for you, will kill everyone no questions asked. Its really heavy and passionate and a little crazy but that's jason for you . It can be a lot for someone who needs personal space or has commitment issues or issues opening up. You got to be really kind, patient and loving when it comes to jason. Very good at reading people and a giver. - aka morticia and gomez

AND Bruce , that dude has a lot of responsibilities. He has no time, he is so busy, he is so tired, he cant be with someone seriously...but why does he want you so bad. You'll have to be strong and patient and forgiving and kind. You will have to force your way into his life and pull him away from all the madness. you are the golden saviour that drags him away from the hell he has been sinking into. pulls him away, encourages him to retire and shows him what a normal life and sleep schedule looks like. After all he has done and given, he deserves to retire with the woman he loves. In many comics, bruce becomes evil from this long life of crime fighting and paranoia or is killed . You save him, teach him that he can too have everything he tries to give other people. A family, peace and love- aka the saving grace

NOW Tim isnt like that at all He is free in all ways the other batboys are not. Dick is so tied down with his superhero responsibilities and jason is so needy and a little demanding to be with . Bruce is tired and not as full of energy . But you can be a kid with tim. there is spontaneity , there is adventure, there is freedom and rebellion and expression of self. The actual teenage love, lets go for a drive and end up in a bull riding contest tim wins and then shut down that ring so no bull is every hurt again. Teeths turning blue from that slushie that just gave him freezebrain. - aka teenage dirtbags

[theofficialdailyplanet]

[cacuilustra]

[confused-wanderer]

We all know Damian’s not one for physical or verbal affection. So I raise you: drawings

Drawings and paintings are the easiest way inside Damian’s mind. The more angry or disturbed he is, the more details the drawing is and the palette depends on the emotion. Fear? Bright lights with one pitch black spot. Anxious? A mixture of dark and light colours.

No matter what he draws, the batfam always looks for how detailed it is. On days he’s happy or content the drawing looks a bit abstract, like too many ideas were flowing and he didn’t mind making a mess (not having a specific direction) of his drawing.

But it’s also how he shows affection.

On Dicks birthday he once painted the entire circus along with a little dick laughing and swinging on the trapeze with his parents with the crew doing their acts and the animals having fun.

That was the first indication Dick had of Damian’s change in behaviour that showed him he was willing to open up, to care and change…even if it took time.

Jason found a particularly striking portrait of his favourite scene from a book, painted with a magnificent splendour with every detail and symbolism present, with the characters drawn just as he’d imagined. It’s so beautiful he hangs it in one of his most visited safe houses, and it isn’t until later when he realises it could have been the reason Damian stole his favourite book which contained notes on each scene.

Alfred catches a glimpse of Damian painting something he insists is for Bruce’s eyes only, but the palette was a mixture of bright colours.

Only on his parents death anniversary, when all his siblings are in town and sitting in a room with Bruce when he taps on Dick, Jason and Steph’s shoulders and asks them to come with him. They’re hesitant at first but the vulnerability in his eyes finally wins them over.

Damian knows how to draw, but not how to present, especially when everyone’s watching and he doesn’t know how they’ll react, or rather how Bruce would.

So they help him figure out how he wants to show Bruce, and on his request together take the painting and unveil it in front of Bruce when they’re all standing on the Balcony.

It’s a picture of the entire family, with all the newest members and in the background homages of their superhero identities, along with Easter eggs for poison ivy, Harley, the justice league and so many others.

But in the centre was Bruce, standing in the centre of his parents and all the other members in order from oldest to youngest, surrounding him.

It was the first time Damian learnt that tears aren’t always a bad thing.