#dissociative trigger

[karmaphone]

seriously the way that jobs are biased against people without a drivers license (for whatever reason!) is insane. even if the job doesn't actually require any driving they'll still pass me over for someone with a drivers license. and it's every. fucking. job.

[osddid-i-do-that]

“One of your alters doesn’t like me!”

My dude some of my alters don’t like ME. You ain’t special.

[perisbpddiary]

I've been dissociated like 24/7 for weeks now this isn't great

[ginganthropy]

syscord: you cant have your source as your pfp if its problematic also you have to be completely source separated to the point where ur basically a brainmade or else ur actively harming your mental health also your gucci flop flops are creased so we're gonna have to ban you

people IRL: hey man how are you

[howlsofbloodhounds]

special brand of torture where nightmare encourages his sans-classic henchmen horror and dust to teach Killer how to “feel again” (everyone knows that’s not the real purpose) only that is dangerous in this environment and they do it by reintroducing stuff from the past that could be comforting for them but not Killer so even “small” things like trying to drink ketchup or stargaze or talk about papyrus too much triggers him so badly and frequently he often wanders around dissociated to avoid being triggered into stage 1 and then it finally happens the straw finally breaks the camels back and the meltdown almost results in his death send tweet

[beneathsilverstars]

damn... siffrin has definitely always been a big dissociater but like. post-canon i bet snapping out of it could be a trigger itself now, bc it might feel somewhat similar to snapping into awareness at the start of a mid-house loop??

like in the loops it went -gets hurt / gets freaked out / knows they're about to die -dies / loops -now they're somewhere else

and now that they're out of the loops it goes -gets hurt / gets freaked out / feels like they're gonna die -dissociates / forgets -now they're somewhere else

[sir-fenris]

Whumpcember24 - Day 15

Broken Glass

(Drabbles' masterlist)

Content: good caretaker, recovery whump, fear of starvation, quick mention of eating glass, blood, domestic comfort, domestic whump, self-deprecation, dissociation, kind of unreliable narrator.

Catetaker had told him not to touch kitchen stuff. They had said that this house didn't go by the rules Whumpee was used to. Caretaker didn't need Whumpee at all, so the least he could do is stay out of the way.

And yet, Whumpee was disobedient and tried to get his own plate instead of waiting at the table until Caretaker was done bringing dinner stuff to it. They must have known this would happen, must have known Whumpee was so useless and clumsy that he couldn't even hold a plate.

When the sound of breaking glass hits Whumpee's ears, the sound of him falling to his knees hits Caretaker's.

Without even realizing he was doing it, Whumpee was getting all the wasted food and glass into a small pile. He tries to keep the glass parts more on the outer sides, so when Caretaker forces him to eat it, he can avoid the glass for some time and at least enjoy the food-

"-pee! Hey! Listen to me, stop!" Caretaker's voice finally rings in Whumpee ears, and he freezes. He can feel his cheeks wet.

Caretaker's hands come in view, ignoring Whumpee's flinch to reach his hands and carefully take them away from the glass. His hands already had bloody cuts.

"It's alright," Caretaker said calmer, trying to nudge Whumpee away from the broken glass. "Let's clean this hand, hm? Can we do that?"

They had that voice of when Whumpee is feeling numb and weird. He wasn't feeling that much numbness today, he could speak.

His mouth didn't move to answer. Perhaps he wasn't ready to speak. Whumpee just nods shakily instead.

Caretaker guides them to the laundry's sink and washes his hand for him, then gets small band-aids when the blood keeps coming back. Whumpee knows hands bleed a lot. Whumper used to get mad when Whumpee dirtied their kitchen with blood.

Was Caretaker mad because of it? Whumpee could never read them, so he didn't know what punishment they would carry out for this. Perhaps they wouldn't make him eat from the ground, like Whumper. Would they starve Whumpee? What punishment would suit disobeying them, breaking a plate, and wasting food?

"...-back. Take your time, you're safe, everything's okay." Oh, was Caretaker speaking to them? Their voice sounded a bit far.

Was he sitting? When did they leave the laundry?

"Hey, there," Caretaker whispers with a sad smile when their eyes meet. "You're back with me, buddy?"

Whumpee nods, though he still feels floaty and wrong. Was he... on the couch?

"It's okay, you're safe," Caretaker repeats and adjusts the blanket around Whumpee-

Blanket? Where did that come from?

For how long was he out this time?

"I'm sorry," Whumpee whispers, almost with no sound. His hands were tingling, all the way up to his elbows, and he registers how his body feels heavy now.

Caretaker just shake their head. "There's nothing to apologize for." They pause, looking for something in Whumpee's expression. "Are you still hungry? I can bring your food here if you prefer eating on the couch. Watching that TV show you enjoyed yesterday, maybe?"

"... Food?" He could eat, then? On the couch? Watching TV? Why was he being rewarded after messing up?

"Yeah. We got pasta, roasted chicken, and some veggies today. There's boiled eggs if you want some, too." Whumpee knew that, he dropped that food, he saw the pasta staining the floor. Caretaker must have seen something in his face, because they speak up again, gently. "Whumpee, you get to eat another full, new dish. I'll throw away the food that fell, it's alright."

"I can eat it, you made it for me," Whumpee whispers, not able to look Caretaker in the eyes.

"The floor is dirty. You shouldn't eat something that fell on it. I made plenty of food, not just that dish. I can get you another, there's no problem." Caretaker smiles, shifting the weight of their crouching legs. "Do you want the food here on the couch?"

Whumpee doesn't know how to answer. Caretaker was so, so different from all he knew. It was too hard to read what they wanted from him. So Whumpee just nodded, hoping that was the right thing to do.

Caretaker's face didn't change, didn't give him the green light that it was the right answer, but they didn't seem angry either. "Alright, I'll bring it here. You can put the TV show when you want, okay? I'll take a few minutes."

Once Caretaker goes back to the kitchen, Whumpee realizes his body is all okay again. Nothing tingles or feels heavy, nor his mind feels floaty. It still takes a while for him to reach for the remote and turn on the TV, but he's not feeling bad, or "anxious", as Caretaker calls it.

For some reason, the voice that always screams "danger" is quiet. Whumpee knows it'll come back soon enough.

But for now, he can believe nothing bad will happen, because Caretaker always promises they'll never hurt him. Because they never broke that promise.

Even when Whumpee broke their rules, wasted their food and broke their plate.

For the first time since the rescue, the tears in his eyes aren't sad ones.

-

[ed-recoverry]

Daily reminder that your body shouldn’t look the same as did when you were 14. It’s not a matter of gaining or losing weight from that age, it’s the fact that your body literally changes over the years. Especially in your teens. It’s just how bodies work. Don’t punish yourself for something you have no control of.

[notacluedo]

✨Furor✨

and some annotations from the Aeneid bc we finished it in class

[schizopositivity]

OSDD is so weird cause I will literally just black out while doing basic tasks that I'm used to doing, and just hope I actually did it.

For example, if I'm not listening to music or something while showering, I will probably just black out and have absolutely no memory of it. Like I'll remember stepping into the shower and then suddenly come back to consciousness out of the shower and soaking wet. And most times I did apparently actually wash my body in the shower, but it's such a muscle memory that I forgot. But recently this happened, I lost like 15 minutes of time, but assumed I showered and went to bed. The next day at work I could smell that I didn't actually scrub myself or use soap so now I'm wondering, what the hell happened in that 15 minutes? Did I just stand under the shower totally still? Did I scrub with no soap? Did I quickly step in and out of the shower and just stand outside? I'll never know and that's the weirdest thing to me. It's like the most confusing, most unhelpful form of time travel.

[towerofluin]

wait a minute hold on wait wait wait wait wait hold on hold on hold on oooohhhhhh i need a minute i just noticed something and im gonna cryyyyyyyyy

extended stay au

dons neck has a scar on it now :( it wasnt there before :( :( howd he get it??? :( :( :(

broski this whole au makes me feral to the nth degree i cant even put it into words how much i adore it i just hafta point at your amazing art and scream incoherently

He's always had an issue with Karai-bots

(Thank you!!!! I love seeing you in my notes and in my inbox I always get super stupid excited lol)

[the-astrophel-system]

Navigating Triggers

A talk on the reality of navigating triggers in daily life.

I'm just rambling for most of it, I don't have much of a clear direction. General tw for talk of triggers and potential issues that come with it.

Knowing what your triggers are is such a good thing. It is crucial and it's often one of the first steps in recovery of ptsd. Or any disorder really. Triggers can happen for many types of disorders: bpd, bipolar, pstd, did, dpdr, ocd, anxiety, depression, and more. There are lots of things that can trigger an onset of specific symptoms.

Recognising your triggers is helpful because it helps you understand yourself and your experience with your disorder better. By knowing what can trigger you, you can take the proper steps in (healthily) avoiding certain things, settling yourself faster, or putting your safety plan in place and letting someone know you could have an episode.

But holy shit I rarely see many people talking about how hard it is to navigate triggers. Especially when you haven't learned the necessary coping skills to regulate yourself. If you haven't learned those skills and only know what your triggers are, you're basically alone. All you can really do is avoid shit, and that can turn unhealthy so quickly, and sometimes it's not even an option.

You can't avoid things like people's names, or certain common phrases, or even what scents are around, or places you pass. It can be so hard to navigate and regulate yourself in life when you know what is bad, but you don't know how to stop it being bad.

It also can be difficult to not purposefully trigger yourself. There are lots of reasons why someone may do that, and it can be a horrific cycle to try and break. Personally, we've had alters try to trigger other alters, or we've had alters purposefully trigger themselves. It feels helpful or like the only option in the moment, but it's really not. All it's gonna do is make you feel worse and trapped in a cycle.

I just wanted to make a post saying that it can take a really long time to figure out what your triggers are, how to best engage with triggers, and how to eventually feel like a functional human being in the world.

Try log what your triggers are, try to make safety plans for yourself, and reach out for help when you can.

[miszocki]

Young Toko Fukawa having to deal with periodic memory loss and coming to consciousness in the middle of things that she has no recollection of starting. Having to deal with the fact that it’s getting worse and more inexplainable, sometimes waking up hours after her last memory, scared and confused as to whats going happening. Little scraps of paper show up, scattered across her room. They have messy words scribbled on them, hardly legible. She cannot remember writing them.

She’s forced to do research on her own, scouring for hours at the library until she finds one book that semi-explains what shes feeling. It terrifies her. She shuts the idea down, not sleeping for days in order to make sure she is always in control. She needs to stay in control. Eventually, after the boy she liked humiliates her in front of her entire class, she loses it. She goes black for the longest time yet. When she wakes, pure horror overcomes her.

Blood. Shes covered in it. It splatters the walls and pools on the ground where she sits. Its warm and oily. She can feel it on her palms, it seeps into her skin. She screams, trying to scrape it off her body to no avail. She swears it’s burning her alive. The thing that really makes her stomach drop though, is she can tell it’s not hers. There’s something — or someone —behind her. She cant bring herself to turn around.

Toko is scared. Shes lost, miles from home. Blood soaks her clothes, making them cling to her in a disgusting way. She can smell it so strongly, its metallic and nauseating. Before she knows it shes running. She doesn’t know where, but she runs until she can’t anymore, until her legs give out and she falls to her knees in a dirty alleyway. Her mind is in pieces, it feels like shes falling apart. What has she done? What is going on? What does she do?

Nothing makes sense and nothing has for a long time, she faces the fact that there is someone else with her and they had horrible urges. They used her body, their body, for those things. For murder. She never gets over it, she never gets used to it, but she can’t stop it and eventually just stops trying. They’re stuck together, no matter what, and at least she begins to understand why her other half does the things she does: protection, for the both of them. As much as she hates it, despises what she does, she can understand.

[goldkirk]

I would love to understand why my brain and body are desperate to not shower in the safety of my own home but perked up at the offer to go shower at the gym that’s full of people I don’t know and men who could pin me and locker rooms with open doorways and less control over cleanliness than I can get in my own apartment. Something something the years of swim practice and swim meet locker room showers being safe I guess?

[howlsofbloodhounds]

need more killer smut/nsfw that actually turns out to be killer angst because oh fuck he’s dissociating or oh fuck triggered stage switch or something like that

[osddid-i-do-that]

It’s easy for people to criticize protectors for how we react to perceived threats —

Some of us get defensive, some of us get loud, or completely freeze up, or run for safety, or suddenly collapse and can’t move, or become mute, or have extreme fawn reactions … and to the outside, it seems over the top.

Or maybe you think it’s not fair that we saw you as a threat because you got angry and yelled. Maybe you think it’s childish that we sprinted out of the house or scary that we kicked into “fight” mode.

We had to identify threats fast. We had to do what it took to survive. To protect our system and our physical body and mind.

And we can and should learn to react more proportionally. But our instincts aren’t ridiculous or made to victimize you. They made sense in the traumatic environment that created us. They’re the only reason we’re still here now.

We still fall back on that because it worked and we survived.