#bpd anger

[xxarsonistx01xx]

I wish you knew how I felt. I hope you're feeling it too. this anger. this tightness in my chest. I hope our mark burns and feels on fire on your skin like it does mine. I hope you hate me the way I hate you, that way it's fair. I also hope you love me the same way I love you.. have always loved you...

...no longer love you how I want to...

[zookeeper9872]

I cannot keep up the battle with myself. I cannot tell if I am having an episode or if my brain is feeding me lies because I know some things are truly not real but I honestly do not fucking know if what is happening is real or not and I Do. Not. Know. What. To. Do. Is it real? Is my world crumbling before me? Is this really happening?

[lovely-sw4n]

I FUCKING HATE YOU I WANT TO GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT YOU FUCKING PISS ME OFF. I HOPE YOU WRITHE IN AGONY YOU LITTLE SHIT

[thewaythatimlivingiskillingme]

i'm fucking angry right now... life never seems to go the way i want to

[howlovelyhana]

The borderlined life excerpt thirteen from my poetry book:

I am a museum of loss, in each corner of my hallway is a portrait of us, we are smiling but it’s dated. I don’t see you anymore. There’s another portrait down by the window, it’s dated also, you hate me now but I can see how you once looked at me and my heart begins to shatter. Right by the door, a face that I once loved so much glares at me, a painful reminder that everything I love dies with vitriol. I remember every heartbreak, I grieve every loss.

[slveepyscwrs]

(warning: bpd anger issues rant, tw aggressiveness, this is not directed at ANY of you i'm just fed up with people in my life)

OH MY GOODDD CAN PEOPLE JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE!?!? SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO FOCUS AND NO, I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR FUCKING SPOONFEEDING YOU ANSWERS FOR AN ASSIGNMENT THAT TAKES 5 SECONDS TO GOOGLE!?!? LIKE WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS STRUGGLING WITH THE SAME WORK?? THAT'S RIGHT YOU LEFT ME ALONE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DID. AND CAN YOU STOP YAPPING TO THE TEACHER AND KISSING THEIR ASS FOR FIVE SECONDS LIKE EVEN THEY AREN'T PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS SHIT!!! BUT TEACHERS AREN'T MUCH BETTER EITHER LIKE SURPRISE SURPRISE PEOPLE HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL AND THEM MFS ACT LIKE WE HAVE 25 HOURS A DAY TO DO THEIR STUPID ASS ASSIGNMENTS. AND CAN THESE BITCHES SHUT UP ABOUT "ohh look i did this, i did that, i threw my entire personality down the drain to do metric buttloads of random academic and extracurricular shit!!" NOBODY CARES AND IT ONLY MAKES OTHERS FEEL WORSE. "FOCUS ON YOUR FUTURE" BITCH IM FUCKING 18 I DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT MY FUTURE JUST. LEAVE ME ALONE.

oh and one more thing: STOP standing and gossiping for FUCKING HOURS right SMACK DAB in the middle of hallways and stairways. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. people need to get through, "oHh but JuSt SaY eXcUsE mE" NOT EVERYONE IS A YAPPING PAIN IN THE ASS LIKE YOU, PEOPLE HAVE SPEECH ISSUES. like would it KILL you to sit down somewhere and talk??

[creepfever]

I hate you more than living, so I live to see your downfall. I want to see you at your worst, I hope for your fall to be like the ruins of an empire.

I hate you. my hate is just as visceral as love.

[sleeplessv0id]

stop telling me that I don't have to, "act all emotionless," and that it's okay to feel the things that I do, only to then tell me to "fucking handle my emotions," the instant I do something wrong.

I don't even know who you want me to be anymore.

[mentalshifter]

I hate when I deal with anger that womt go away after the issues is solved..

Let me explain the situation, it takes a bit to get to the part about the anger so I need to explain what's going on so u understand...

Me and my husband are living penny to penny, the reason for that is not as important. He got a transfer from work to live closer to my dad and step mom. We thought we were going to move in with my dad and step mom, but thay fell thru, so we have to live in a hotel till we can pay off collections, we have am eviction on ur credit report so we can't really rent an apartment yet.

He smokes cigarettes alot and I get nauseous from the smell, and I always have to clean up the ash cuz he smokes in the hotel we live at now, since it's a smoking room. I am a house spouse and I clean alot. So it's a hassle when I have to clean all the ash and everything all the time.

Now to the anger, we were talking about getting a non smoking room cuz of the reasons above why. I know the area we are moving to, he doesn't. He doesn't wanna to sit outside and smoke cuz he doesn't know the area and doesn't know how bad of an area it is. We live in a bad part of town here, so I get it. But I was explaining to him we need a non smoking room, again for reasons above, and he kept saying we need a smoking room cuz he doesn't want to sit outside cuz he doesn't know the area and things it's a bad part if town. I am always smelling the smoke and it makes me sick to my stomach. And he doesn't always flick the ash into a ash tray. So I gotta clean up the ash most the time. I kept telling him that he can sit outside, and of we moved in with my dad and step mom we would have had to anyways. My step mom smokes too. Anyways, he kept insisting that we needed a smoking room but I said we need to compromise, as a married couple should. I'm not telling him to stop smoking, just be considerate of my needs and wants. We argued back and forth and he said let's get a non smoking, the issues was solved. But my eager still flowed and I couldn't stop being bitchy.

I finally calmed down and I stopped yelling..

I do have borderline personality disorder, or bpd and I tend to overreact to situations and it is harder to calm down sometimes after a yelling fit.

I just feel like a bad spouse when I act like this. I hate when I have what I call rage episodes, sometimes it's small like this time was, but other times it's blown out of proportion. I am trying to find therapy, but where we live now it's not that easy, hopefully when we move, I can find therapy and a physiatrist and get back on the right meds and back into regular therapy sessions. But right now I'm not doing the best. I hate this, but I know it will get better but I just want it to be better now before it goes worse.

[xxarsonistx01xx]

Sometimes I wish we weren't like Joker and Harley, but we both know we are.

I'm home sick for my joker..

[zookeeper9872]

I died in the home I grew up in. The things that have happened have damaged me beyond complete repair. I’ve become my worst habit, I wear it like a second skin. Every time I tell myself, next time will be different, it never is. I am a recycled circle of my bad habit and it is all I will ever be. I cannot escape what I am and I cannot live any other way.

[borderlesbian]

maybe I deserved it, or maybe I was just a 13-year-old girl who didn't have good coping mechanisms that led her to put her life at risk.

[its-simply-just-krys]

why am i so spiteful, even to the people i know i care about

[angry-regrets]

Franny can't eat shit while sucking my asshole and fucking die. Fuck you, you picky ass whiney cunt. You're a waist of fucking air and I swear I am going to bash your head into one of the counters if you don't stop complain about a single hair on my workstation and I DONT WORK IN FOOD I WORK IN STOCKING!!

#Franny is the new Karen

(Start calling Karen's, Franny's. Let's see what happens.)

Edit: Let me be clear that this is the woman who has gotten good people fired, has made peoples lives hell to where they quit, and because she is "bosses daughters friend" she is apparently immune to receiving the shitty behavior and comments she dishes out. So if you see this Mrs. Franny, this is Alex, you'll know. And I have one thing left to say and that is my life ends with yours. People like you don't need to exist. I'll meet you down in hell and make it one.

[sleeplessv0id]

I don't believe in God. anymore

but I hope he loved me. at least once.

[syringe3]

clubbers should die

I spent all my economies on some shit mda... I went to a club where some girl treated me badly and I saw some really saddening people going after more drugs like maniacs. I was feeling stuck like I couldn't dance (I did still) and the anxiety that came after that was immense, just like when I used to do coke. I had a bad trip that included paranoia and feelings of inadequacy, a lot of shame and fear too.

I don't wanna touch this shit again if it's not good shit and a really good trance festival. This techno people are so rude and the sound is so annoying... I just wish everyone could be respectful to each other since most of us are on heavy stuff and in our most fragile state. Why won't they be gentle? Why? Some people even do LSD and shrooms on those places. Are they such drunk dumbasses that they don't know a rude comment can make someone spiral into hell, specially if their minds are vulnerable because of a substance?