#dc funny Tumblr posts

[dc-and-damirae]

random hero: aren't you embarrassed about being related to the villain red hood?

Dick: honestly, I'm more embarrassed about being related to Tim

*Tim walks in covered in glitter and offers no explanation*

Jason watching on the monitors at his safe house: lol

[writing-nothing-but-spilled-ink]

How I imagine Bruce fights off vampires and those that are horny for him

[anothertimdrakestan]

conner: tim! i got you something!

tim: oh! did you get me a valentine you softie? that's so sweet of you-

conner: uh i thought we agreed valentines were lame? here, the flesh eating amoebas you wanted, hand delivered!

tim: *shoving a box of chocolates and red balloons back beind the bat computer* of course. thanks kon.

conner: read the box birdbrain.

tim: *reading aloud* there's no other flesh i'd rather eat. happy valentine's day, love conner.

conner: *now holding a bouquet of roses* what even is an amoeba??

[just-another-rainy-day]

Incorrect Batfam quotes as things my friends have said:

Duke: The best part of getting out of bed is the existential dread. (To the tune of the Folgers jingle)

Jason: Discontinue your life?

Tim (hasn’t slept in days): potatoes without the pot is just ah, toes.

Steph: we appreciate your non funniness.

Bruce: How will I keep myself busy after I retire?

Damian: 9 years a killing.

Cass: good god you look like a Smurf.

Dick: thank you! I’ve been waiting for a compliment my whole life.

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

[soulsforsales]

Bat family as conversations between me and my bestfriend

Pt 2

Roy: *to Jason* You are the worst, fuck you

Jason: yeah?? Fuck me yourself, you coward

Roy:

Jason:

Roy: what?

Jason: what

[justmetheguywhoread4120dccomics]

Nightwing memes

This one is actually my favourite as compares our nightwing to the injustice: gods among us one (whom just to remind you died because damian threw an escrima stick at him (not strong just a little thwack) and dick went from standing position to flat on the floor as he lost balance, which would have been no problemo but a tiny pebble was right underneath his neck and so he died as it snapped)

so here is the meme they made in comparison

[mythawolf]

(technically two of these arent MY idea)

[justhere4clowns]

dc funny quotes 1/?

[hellishattempt]

wally: ew a spider!

the spider: ew, an emotionally unstable loser who won't stop shoving food in their fat face, and has been crying over the same person who doesn't care about them, for weeks!

wally: well- you didn't have to be mean

the spider: doesn't feel so good, does it? bitch.

wally: did you just call me a bitch?

the spider: *hisses*

wally: *shrieks*

[dc-and-damirae]

dick: Hey tim, how was your stake out with jason? tim: jason and I got into a fight, so he tied me up to a chair for six hours and made me watch that one hotel tv channel that’s about the hotel. dick: tim: One day, the Seabury Ritz Hotel will burn to the ground and I will dance on its damn ashes.

[alienalecx]

Yes sir, WE KNOW

A quick silly Batman cuz I'm moving out and don't have the time to do something better 🥲

[sunriseovergotham]

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that

[pinkiemachine]

I made a thing….

[just-another-rainy-day]

Diana: Yeah, I’m sure we can meet at the Batcave!

Clark:…Do you not remember what happened last time?

Diana: But Red Hood put the fire out!

Clark: That’s hardly a mark in his favor!

Diana: But he wasn’t trying to push Red Robin out the window!

Clark: Hn.

Bruce (walking in with dark circles under his eyes and a toilet plunger stuck absently to his forehead. He is clutching a cup of coffee like it is his only lifeline): What are we talking about?

[everwalldigan]

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.