#dad!thomas

[everwalldigan]

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

do you think that bruce sometimes calls the bat kids by the wrong names? like

“dick can you pass me that file please?” and tim’s standing there with this 😑 look on his face.

“what?”

“you called me dick.”

“did i?”

or

“jason-tim-cass fuck titus!” he was trying to get damians attention who is looking at his father like he’s having a stroke.

or

“can you ask jason to come here please?”

“jason doesn’t live here b”

“what? oh no i meant duke.”

[tiger-grace]

Superman: I haven’t seen you at the watchtower for a while. Where have you been the last few weeks, Batman?

Bruce: Rehab.

Superman, worriedly: Oh, I’m so sorry- I never knew you struggled with that. If you don’t mind me asking, what for?

Bruce, grimacing as he watches public footage of Signal and Red Hood starting a dumpster fire out of Pro-Joker merch: ..adoption.

[2danesand1cat]

Bruce Wayne calling any of his children sweetheart.

Especially if they are hurt or crying or otherwise distraught.

That’s it. That’s the post.

[fanaticalthings]

Just a cute lil thought:

Since Bruce's kids all love to play around and hide in his cape as Robins, I wonder if he makes them blankets out of the same materials as his cape so they can have a piece of security when Bruce isn't there?

I remember in Dick and Jason's older comics (correct me if I'm wrong), they used to stay up late waiting for Bruce when he'd go out as Batman alone, so I'm gonna take this as confirmation that all his kids have done this at some point.

So now I'm totally gonna hc that in order to encourage his kids to not stay up late for him or as a way to help them feel more safe and secure when he's not there, he makes them all blanket replicas of his cape for them to snuggle with :')

And also just imagine his kids all grown up, and they STILL have the blankets with them, regardless of if they've moved out.

[batfamhastwitter]

Part 44! Fun fact, I actually am a natural ginger, but I have been able to gaslight a specific few people into thinking that I'm blonde and just dye it. They've thought that for at least two years at this point. I want to see how long it can go lmao

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[d-1hater]

honestly one of the main reasons I like dc is that they can’t keep a storyline straight for shit. anything I don’t like is just *not real*. that’s different storyline babes what are you talking about???

like at this point I can consider shit like wfa and hell even well written fanfics as canon bc who knows what’s going on with those funky little people?? certainly not the dc writers

[pinklotushere]

Ok I had this rotting in my mind for days now

Bruce *going live as brucie Wayne because he saw a tweet about him saying he was acting weirdly (it was actually damian shit posting) and paranoid abt his identity he decides to up the brucie effect to 100* : and then he winked at moi! Like, can you believe itttt~

Dick *kicks the door open, bursting into the room full on sobbing* : bruuuceee

Bruce *immediately stops what he was saying and gets up to comfort him* : what's wrong chum?

Tim, steph, cass and duke *run into the room in various levels of crying*

Bruce *actually starts to panic* : kids?

Damian*walk in sniffing* : baba!

Bruce *pale and looks about ready to cry himself* : what's wrong?who was it? Give me names,descriptions, anything-

Jason-youre-not-my-dad-i-dont-live-here-fuck-you-mothefucking-todd *walks in red-faced and barely keeping it together*: dad..

Okay, picture this we've got Bruce pale and sweaty, holding a still sobbing dick and and surrounded by steph,cass,duke and picking damian up all quietly crying and/or sniffing and we've got tim pressing his face to Bruce side, shoulders chaking and then jason of all people starts sniffing and Bruce literally goes even paler (of that's even possibe) and pulls him in

Bruce : What's wrong? Talk to me, sweetheart

Dick : it-it's they- * Starts wailling*

Bruce : they? Who's they? Did you get their names?adresss? Social security number?

Steph : n-no it's not- *hiccups and buries her face on him, you can hear her crying*

Jason :..I don't think I'll ever be the same

Bruce : from what? What is it?

Barbara * Wheeling in, popcorn in hand, eyes red and sniffing:

Bruce : Barbara?

Babs: hey b

*Que lots of sniffing*

Bruce : what's going on?

Babs:Oh, we watched a movie

Bruce: excuse me?

Babs: Yeah, grave of the fireflies, man that was heartbreaking

*higher crying*

Bruce:

The next day

Headlines go like this :

*brucie Wayne secretly just a loving father*

*brucie Wayne threatens whoever hurts his children*

*Wayne children being dependent on their dad no matter how old they get*

Social media similarly is bursting with :

"I love how he was ready to commit murder for them lmaooo"

"Is it just me or did brucie just get 10 times hotter*

"Man, dick grayson crying is something I didn't know I needed, that man is such a pretty crier"

"Damn, I love how tim drake and Stephanie brown just buried themselves in their dad"

"My God I always thought damian wayne was bratty but he's actually really cute?"

*God brucie holding damian, dick and still hugging all his other children is so hot"

"Hold on, isn't jason todd dead?"

(And no, this isn't me projecting. grave of the fireflies did not emotionally destroy me. What?)

[spicy-apple-pie]

Poor Bruce thought Duke was going to tell him something else and just wanted to be supportive :(

Commission Info / Kofi

[haveihitanerve]

Bruce Wayne is not the smart guy who sees people running and also starts running. No sir he is white guy confirmed, that boy sees people running and investigates if he weren’t Batman he would die first in horror movies 100%

However- Bruce/Batman is the guy who sees his kids running and runs as well. He knows his kids, and if they’re running, he’s running. They would not run from a threat without viable reason, so he’s following. It’s an instinct honed by partnership, something you have to do in the field. He needs to trust them, instinctively, and if they run, he run. As partners they have to trust the others movements, fluidity, doing what they do without a seconds hesitation because in that second you’re dead. 

Batman hits all fours and you better believe Nightwing is kissing the floor. 

Red Hoods finger twitches toward his left side and Red Robin moves because that’s where he has his grenades and you better know that or you’ll be a casualty. 

Spoiler yells “jump!” And Batgirl is jumping no questions asked or she gets sawed in half.  

So if Batman sees Signal running- he packs up his shit (Robin) and is hightailing it after him. 

[kaethefangirl]

bruce forces the batkids to go to his charity balls and he gives them suits and dresses for it- but he accidentally switches tim and Stephanie's outfits.

*Jason, Dick, and Duke huddled together looking at Tim and Stephanie walk into the ballroom*

Jason: They didn't.

Dick: They wouldn't

Duke: They did.

Stephanie: *wearing a black and red tux*

Tim: *holding her arm while wearing a bright purple dress, with heels*

Bruce: *sighs in tired dad*

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

part 2 of giving bruce dad core attributes starting with forgetting which child has what dietary requirements.

bruce: here you go damian your lactose free meal

damian: father i’m vegan drake is lactose

bruce: tim is?? aw shit *hurries to find tim*

bruce placing down a piece of paper and a pen: ok everyone write their dietary needs on this please so i can give it to the caterer

dick: how can you not remember 😭

bruce: because there’s so many of you

tim: alfred remembers

bruce: alfred doesn’t count i’m pretty sure he’s not human

bruce: is duke still allergic to honey?

tim with his head in his hands: bee stings he’s allergic to bee stings

dick: damian is vegan

bruce: what? i thought steph was vegan?

dick: no steph is vegetarian damian is vegan

bruce: jesus christ

bruce: oh he can’t have that he’s allergic to peanuts

dick: what no i’m not?

bruce: yes you are

dick: i’ve never been allergic to peanuts where did you even get that-omg bruce jason was allergic to walnuts!

bruce: was???

[theredcuyo]

I forgot to tell this before but what if Bruce has redecorated many of the countless rooms in the manor to adjust to whatever thing his kids like

Dick got a training room for gyminastics, there are bars hanging from the roof, equipment Bruce doesn't even know what's for but that it surely entretains his son and the floor was totally replaced by mats

Jason? "Casually" his room has a secret room attached to it that you can only enter trhu a secret door behind a bookshelf in his bedroom, and "just by chance" it's also another library, that has "secret and censored" books for being controversial in their time, it also just happens to have a skylight and one of those one-way windows

Tim? Bruce made him a dark room, of course he did, that's attached to another room, the light is bare there, and it has two boards, one where you can use magnets and a marker and one for the old red string and tack's

Cass? A whole dance studio that she didn't ask for (none of them did, really) but she appreciates it, mostly because she can use it whenever she feels like it, even the middle of the night because its sound proof

Steph? Unnecesary, she appropiated one herself, later Bruce gave her money to do it whatever she felt like

Damian? One for him to paint, and it's clear he likes it because it's messy, Damian's own room isn't, but his one? Even the big window that lights the room is covered in paint and chalk here and there, the supplies might be ordered by color and size, but not a single one is ever totally cleaned

Duke was told he could choose but if it takes too long Bruce is choosing for him

[dcxdpdabbles]

Thomas reading Gotham folk tales as bedtime stories: No one knows what happened to the Arkhams that night. Danny: I do Thomas: What are you doing out of your grave? Get back in there. Danny: But I- Thomas: You. Get. Danny sadly: Okay. Eight-year-old Bruce: What was that? Thomas: That was chapter twenty-seven. The legend of the Ghost Man. Bruce: Ghost?! Why was a ghost here? Thomas: Hush, Bruce. I hate spoilers; you'll learn the Ghost Man's myth when we get to it. Anyway, the Death of the Arkham bloodline- Martha: Thomas what did I say about scaring Bruce with your silly stories. Thomas: These aren't stories. They're historical records! I personally encountered every single one! Martha: Thomas, you did not enounter- Thomas: Yeah? Tell that to Danny Fenton! Martha: What does your first kiss have to do with this? Thomas huanted look in his eye: Everyhting. Bruce: I'm scared Dad. Thomas: You should be, especially after what happened to the Arkhams. On a night just like this, they died in this very room- Bruce: WHAT!? Thomas: Yes, the Arkhams used to own this manor before the Waynes bought it after their death. In fact, I was possessed while lying on the very same bed you are currently in. The Ghost Boy- at the time, he was a teenager, but now he's aged as you saw- appeared to free me, but if he hadn't, I would have died. Martha: THOMAS Bruce: *crying* I DON'T WANT TO DIE Thomas: And I didn't want to fall in love with an immortal when I was fourteen only to have him dump me after our kiss, but that's how things go. Anyway, good night, Bruce. I pray you don't become a dead thing skin suit! Papa loves you :D

[bruciemilf]

Battinson as a parent: oh, I’m sorry that you fell , Jay. Yes, the ground shouldn’t have tripped you. Bad ground. Would you like an ice cream to feel better?

Thomas when Bruce jumped off the slide and broke his arm because some kid dared him to: Bet you won’t do that dumbass shit again, huh?

[batfamhastwitter]

Part 41! Guys please don't go out kidnapping baby raccoons, be smarter than Roy lmao (Art by me btw!)

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