#dad bruce things

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

do you think that bruce sometimes calls the bat kids by the wrong names? like

“dick can you pass me that file please?” and tim’s standing there with this 😑 look on his face.

“what?”

“you called me dick.”

“did i?”

or

“jason-tim-cass fuck titus!” he was trying to get damians attention who is looking at his father like he’s having a stroke.

or

“can you ask jason to come here please?”

“jason doesn’t live here b”

“what? oh no i meant duke.”

[logicallyblind]

something there’s a distinct lack of in batman fanfics, especially ‘brucie wayne’ centred ones is the networking he’d have to be doing on the daily to maintain that sorta reputation

like, we all know the man knows how to throw a gala but where are the brunches? the happy hour gossip session with his cover’s clique of the week? the golf club dinners he has to attend every third week of the month? what about visits to hospitals or schools or the soup kitchens for his philanthropy? come on now

you’re telling me he’s the most sought after celebrity in gotham city and beyond, an infamous playboy and supposed extroverted people person who can use long holidays that can last weeks at a time away in tropical islands supposedly partying it up as a plausible excuse to hide his injuries sometimes but when he’s in gotham he’s either at wayne enterprise meetings or tucked away at home alone? nah

i want to see bruce having to really utilise those meditation breathing skills he learned in the league while he’s having to sit upright in a chair with 4 broken ribs, a sprained wrist and a minor concussion in a painfully bright restaurant at 3pm on a wednesday having to listen to bethany-anne titter on about the latest gossip about her neighbours affair with the maid that’s basically an open secret by now like pls there’s so many different routes you can go with this depending on the genre,,, make bruce have to REALLY commit to that cover of his lmao

[bruciemilf]

Okay. But when Bruce discovers Talia knew Jason was alive? That she knew his child was the man under the red hood. His boy.

Oh.

Jason’s met and memorized every facet of Bruce Wayne. He knows Bruce by the way his eyes melt when he looks at him, to the hard lines of his cowl. He knows where Bruce starts and Batman ends.

When Bruce rips off his cowl to give her the deepest glare Jason’s ever seen, he’s reminded there’s no difference. Fear hits his stomach when he swallows,

“Hey, old man, don’t fucking blame HER. She has NO obligation to you—“

Bruce’s eyes are unblinking, wide, jumping from her frozen form to him. And Jason’s suddenly 10 again, running from hungry stray dogs cornering him in a place with no exit.

Bruce’s voice is shadow and whisper, “Quiet.”

“…Okay.”

“Damian,” he rasps, pointing at the small figure with dark hair and green eyes, who looks at neither of them. He looks at Talia. Jason thinks it’s fair. He’s never seen her scared, either. “Car. Cave. Stay. “

There’s something incredibly bitter in Jason when he just does. Doesn’t ask. Doesn’t rebel. He wants to, with every fiber and matter and crumb in his body. And his body says no.

He grabs Damian like he’s an angry cat, not the small assassin he knew since he was born. He doesn’t look back. He doesn’t want to, he realizes.

“Did you know?” Bruce asks, such a deadly calm to him, too calm for the winter in his eyes. Talia would’ve preferred a blade to the neck.

She can’t meet his eye. Almost like if she doesn’t face his hatred, his disapproval, his disappointment, it doesn’t count. “I did. “

“…Whatever you do,” she’d take it as pity if he didn’t sound repulsed , “you’re still his daughter.”

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Instead of Dick or Tim, Red Hood straight up goes for kidnapping Bruce Wayne and keeping him hostage just to see how desperate the birds get in trying to find him.

It’s a foolproof plan. Batman won’t blow his cover unless absolutely necessary, and “Brucie” would never know how to slip away from a crime lord of Red Hood’s caliber. It’s foolproof. It’s perfect. Jason can keep dropping hints and make threats towards the birds and watch Bruce squirm without consequences if he plays this right.

But then “Brucie” keeps begging him not to hurt his kids…

[everwalldigan]

Bruce being a toxic boy mom when it comes to nightwing will never not be funny as fuck he is literally the biggest nightwing defender one bad word against him and the next day he’ll show up at ur house

Bonus:

[raynewolferune]

DC x DP Prompt: Bruce is bad at emoting but at least ghosts are empathic (too bad bat kids are not)

Was reading Twincognito on AO3 when I stumbled across this gem again:

~

" “Danny, Tim. I was just…checking in. Is everything alright?” Curse his inability to make meaningful conversation when it wasn’t a life or death situation.

They glanced at each other and shrugged.

Then Danny hauled himself out of the bed and walked over to Bruce.

Bruce tried not to let too much excitement show on his face. "

~

Now I really want to read a story where Bruce adopts Danny post Meta trafficking and is being his usual emotionally constipated self. His kids keep getting mad at him because he's treating their new meta brother who was trafficked poorly (generally being stilted in conversation with him, walking away hurriedly mid-conversation, avoiding Danny when he's feeling really awkward, etc). They think Bruce is discriminating against Danny for being a civilian, meta, dealer's pick, but really it's just Bruce being horribly socially awkward. Danny knows this because of ghost empathy and find the whole thing hilarious. The whole thing comes to a head with the Bat Kids staging an intervention in the Bat Cave.

[strangedesired]

Damian calling for his dad but it’s not Bruce, it’s Dick

This could be emotional, Bruce and Dick looking at each other because neither knows how to address it and both feel guilty but taking care of Damian needs to come first so Dick jumps into action

Or it could be your classic (innocent) name mix up where Damian asks “dad, can you pass the salt?” at dinner and Bruce and Dick both reach for it. Dick looks up at Bruce with wide nervous eyes and Bruce is just completely taken aback. It takes Damian a second to process the hesitation before he realizes what he’s done, and although he was 100% talking to Dick, he doesn’t want to hurt his father’s feelings and no one knows what to do so they’re all just at a standstill staring at the salt

[ghostofcorsetspast]

since Bruce is tall and strong, sometimes his kids will hug him not because they want a hug but because he’ll lift them up and they can stretch/crack their backs

[neptunezo]

The idea of the batkids scaring Bruce with “a new grandchild” to only show an animal is so funny to me, because imagine Bruce is so used to it that when Jason wants to introduce him to his new grandchild Bruce almost falls out of his chair when there’s an ACTUAL KID!

Dick: You’re a granddaddy now Brucie!!!

Bruce: WHAT?!? Who?? When??? How??? Actually don’t tell me how. Who is she??? When did she give birth???

Dick: What? No, meet my kid *holds up a cat* her name is biscuit and shes the love of my life!

—

Steph: Cass and I are adopting…

Bruce: Holy shit, actually???

Cass: Yes, it was a tough choice, but we want to adopt

Bruce: Do you need any help with paperwork and stuff? It’s kinda my thing. Also consider the fact that you might be too young.

Steph: Too young…?

Bruce: Yes, I mean you’re only in your 20’s, are you sure you can handle a kid?

Cass: Too young for an iguana?

—

Damian: It happened again, I have a kid.

Bruce: What do you mean AGAIN?!?

Damian: This is my second kid, duh

Bruce: Are you talking about goats?

Damian: Of course I am father

—

Tim: BRUCE YOU’RE GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER!!!

Bruce: Tim I didn’t think I was going to have to tell you this again after the whole thing with Stephanie, but just kissing someone doesn’t get them pregnant

Tim:

Bruce: Is it a dog?

Tim: No it’s a tiger

—

Jason: I have something to tell you

Bruce(not looking up from his paperwork): Okay, what’s up?

Jason: I have a kid, I want you to meet your granddaughter

Bruce: I can’t possibly imagine what type of animal you’ve gotten, but I’d love to meet her

Jason: What the hell are you talking about?

Bruce (looking up to see an actual child): You actually have a kid????

Jason: Yeah, Roy and I thought it was time I adopted Lian

Lian: Hi Grandpa!!!

Bruce: I’m going to faint, grab me some ice will you?

[arkangelo-7]

Let’s be honest, the only thing funnier than Dick and Bruce trying to co-parent Damian is Dick, Bruce, and Jason trying to co-parent Damian.

[bluerosefox]

Little Grayson and his Talon Knights

Got a new idea cooking in my head.

Another DPxDC idea.

A reborn into DCverse Toddler!Danny but also Dad!Dick and Talons.

Danny is reborn into the DCverse (either he's a clone of Dick, a created test tube baby, OR a kid Dick unknowingly had during his amnesia year) and wakes up in the Court of Owls who finally have their Gray Son and will turn him into the greatest Talon ever.

Thing is, Danny still has his ghost powers (King Danny? Idk leaving it open, either that or just able to control clean ectoplasm) and knows whatever fruitloops have him, this will not be fun. So, when none of the Owls are watching him, he uses his abilities to influence a few Talons and they all book it out of the place.

Danny later finds himself walking the dirty Gotham streets with a few Talons, one holding his hand while the others hide in the shadows in case they need to protect the baby Talon they all care for.

Of course, the sighting of a Talon holding a toddler's hand catches the camera's and Oracles attention very very fast.

One of the Batboys is sent out, not Dick he's on a space mission right now, and whoever it is, is shocked to see a toddler that has a LOT of similarities to Dick.

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

part 2 of giving bruce dad core attributes starting with forgetting which child has what dietary requirements.

bruce: here you go damian your lactose free meal

damian: father i’m vegan drake is lactose

bruce: tim is?? aw shit *hurries to find tim*

bruce placing down a piece of paper and a pen: ok everyone write their dietary needs on this please so i can give it to the caterer

dick: how can you not remember 😭

bruce: because there’s so many of you

tim: alfred remembers

bruce: alfred doesn’t count i’m pretty sure he’s not human

bruce: is duke still allergic to honey?

tim with his head in his hands: bee stings he’s allergic to bee stings

dick: damian is vegan

bruce: what? i thought steph was vegan?

dick: no steph is vegetarian damian is vegan

bruce: jesus christ

bruce: oh he can’t have that he’s allergic to peanuts

dick: what no i’m not?

bruce: yes you are

dick: i’ve never been allergic to peanuts where did you even get that-omg bruce jason was allergic to walnuts!

bruce: was???

[medusas-graveyard]

Retired hero & current (almost) mad scientist/engineer Daniel James Wayne where he's absolutely oblivious. And I mean that in a batfam knows everything about him but Danny? Has not pulled the dots together.

Danny "Oh yeah my family's a bit weird and I could smell lingering death on them but that's pretty much it what's wrong with it?" Wayne.

Danny who is allowed to do anything as he please and coming to Bruce just giving him new inventions, ghost related or not, and flatly asking weather or not it was possible to give it to Batman to test.

[voiider]

Okay alright I'm tired of giving more children to Bruce Wayne I think we need to start taking some away 

Tim getting kidnapped (but in a way they don't announce Tim Drake-Wayne as missing??) and is given Something that induces amnesia but he escapes or maybe just literally wanders away but like he's in the middle of Ohio and he's walking down the road unsure of his own name or where he is and a weird looking camper pills over and a large man leans out the window and says “you doing alright there, sonny?” 

And he doesn't really know so he sorta shrugs so they pick him up and the man introduces himself as Jack and this is his wife Maddie and their two kids Danny and Jazz and they're just heading back from a camping trip and they can take him into town (Amity?) and take him down to the station and help him get things figured out 

The police take his picture and upload it to a “found” database or smth but there's no active or recent cases in Ohio for missing persons (or teenagers) matching his description 

(But also, Amity is pretty disconnected from the rest of the world digitally. They mind their business. Sure they run this boy's face in the newspaper and let the neighboring precincts about him but there's not much more they can do until this kid gets some memories back)

So he goes to stay with Jack and Maddie (idk how i don’t care about LAWS) while they wait to see if they get any hits or until he gets some memories back and they register him under Alvin (“hmm maybe... Tom? No, definitely not. Caroline? Alvin? That sounds the best I guess”) Fenton at the local high school so he can keep getting an education (and Alvin isn’t sure why, but this sort of feels like a waste of time, he already knows all this math stuff and why would he want to read Of Mice and Men he’s pretty sure someone told him John Steinbeck was a hack. Or maybe not. He can’t remember) but it’s simple enough and he likes the Fentons even if they keep trying to convince him ghosts are real 

And maybe they are. Actually. Real that is. He saw one the other day and had to double check if knowing ghosts were real is a common knowledge thing that he forgot of if he never knew in the first place. Jazz tells him that ghosts are pretty much an Amity specific thing but that they appear other places and then Jack and Maddie set him down and give him the entire history of ghosts that night and then show him their lab which is pretty cool

And maybe he accidentally suplexed someone who startled him in the halls on his first day and also fell asleep in science,but give him a break! he’s going through a lot right now

But his new brother roommate friend? Is helping him adjust at school by telling him who to avoid and what not to eat from the cafeteria and Jazz is in most of his classes but also he’s not sure why they’re trying to act all sneaky about this Inviso-Bill/vigilante situation because like. That’s clearly just Danny with white hair? He looks the exact same? Also he literally saw Danny walk through the bathroom door last week if it wasn’t obvious enough.

So Tim really isn’t expecting Danny to be surprised that he picked up a thermos that Phantom dropped when he and his friends ran off to fight another ghost

[phantomskeep]

DC x DP prompt but it's just Danny acting like an ectoplasmic Venom with [insert DC character here]

Danny, after spotting a powerful hero having trouble: Oh no! I should help!

Jason "I've-Had-Too-Much-Of-This-Shit-Already" Todd: what the fuck why am I glowing

Danny, covering this helmeted fruit loop who was trying to fight tEN PEOPLE AT ONCE ARE YOU INSANE-: hi :D We're friends now :D

Jason: internal screaming

[haveihitanerve]

Ok so, idea. Damian says ‘i love you’ as a sort of goodbye/thank you. Like for example “This evidence will prove very useful on this case, I love you Todd.” or “this photo of Titus is most adequate Drake, I shall have enough to start drawing. I love you.” or “The meal was most delicious Pennyworth, I love you.” And everyone coos and is like “aww.” even jason and they look at dick because like obviously dick taught damian that, hes the golden child, the one damian looks up to the most, the most affectionate one…

But the truth is, Damian learned it from Bruce. Damian is there when Bruce calls his other kids, he hears Bruce go “I love you.” As a goodbye the second after the child at the other end hangs up. He hears Bruce say ‘i love you’ to alfred, quietly, when hes patching him up after a mission, hears the frantic ‘i love you’s’ after someone gets hurt on patrol, and he thinks thats how its done. But Bruce seems to think the same as everyone else, that he got it from Dick, and Dick looks so pleased, Damian decided not to correct them. Besides, who do they think Dick got it from?