geeky-nightphilosopher

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

I bet game night between the Bats and Supers goes so hard. A family of detectives and a family of investigative journalists, all with a natural competitive drive, whose side hobbling of superhero-ing literally involves beating the crap out of people? You get your ass that it turns into full out war.

The bats always win at charades. Dick and Bruce are the highest scorers—they know each other too well, Bruce can just tilt his head a certain way and Dick will instantly know what he means, it’s creepy as shit. They also regularly win at monopoly (all those hours Tim’s spent at WE and DI come in handy) and trivial pursuit (Jason’s a nerd, he would kick Bruce’s ass at that game at age 12 and that hasn’t changed—if anything he’s gotten better.) Steph is the reigning champion in Apples to Apples.

But the supers are naturally good at Jenga and pretty much any card game. Clark’s also an ace at scrabble, strangely enough, mahjong (thought Bruce gives him a run for his money, he played a lot with Ra’s al Guhl). Kon has been leading in Uno for years, but Tim insists he’s cheating.

The only game they don’t play is Clue. It got so combative and chaotic that Alfred had to call in Lois to help him keep World War 3 from breaking out in Wayne Manor.

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

🦇Batfamily & Friends (sometimes)🦇

*Batfamily at the Mall*

The kids: *window shopping*

Steph: *pick pocketing Bruce*

Bruce: *Walks away*

Steph: *noticing* Dad! Where are you going!I've got money!

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

Nightwing and Robin Jason: On your mark, get set g-

Batman: No

Nightwing: No? No, what? You don't even know what we're?!

Batman: You two were about to try and race across the rooftops

Nightwing: And? We do it all the time

Batman: And, they're covered in ice from freezing rain

Robin Jason: So? We fought Mr. Freeze last week, and we're still alive

Batman: [glares]

Dick: Ugh, fine. We won't have ANY fun

Batman: [turns around]

Nightwing:

Robin Jason:

Nightwing and Robin Jason: [glance at each other]

Nightwing and Robin Jason: [whispering] Go

[Both start running]

-

[Later]

Dick: [sitting on the couch with his ankle in a cast] Consequences, gotta be my top three least favorite parts of my actions

Jason: [sitting next to him with his arm in a cast] Big brothers, gotta be the top three worst people to listen to when they say they have a fun idea

Dick: You're just grumpy because YOU fell down first

Jason: [hits him with a pillow]

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

Portraits 🐦🐦

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

🦇Batfamiy (& Friends Sometimes)🦇

*Jason tied up in the Batcave for some reason, surrounded by his family*

Steph: *Walking in* Oh, is Jason having an intervention?

Jason: *borderline joker laugh* Ha! Hahaha ha! That's super funny that you think I can get help! It's too late for that!

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

Dick is used to doing everything on the move, so he doesn't even notice that his behavior is not "normal".

When his mom was teaching him history, he was hanging upside down from the trapeze, trying to do a new routine.

When his dad was teaching him math, he was calculating the angles of his jumps and spins in the air.

Language? He practiced a new language on the trapeze with his parents, associating new words with the routines. If he made a mistake (either with routine or with language), they would start over so he could learn correctly.

He likes to read, but not while sitting. He usually reads while hanging upside down or swinging.

When Bruce receives the same message from his teachers for the fifth time in a row, saying that his son ward is "brilliant, a genius, but lazy", Bruce doesn't understand, since Dick always has his schoolwork done. How could he be lazy?

That is until he discovers that nine-year-old Dick is doing his homework while doing six other things at once, including practicing jumping routines, learning a new language and also planning a strategy to contain the Penguin.

Bruce: Chum, you have ADHD.

Dick: Why do you think that? *he says while hanging from the chandelier, with a math book in one hand and a device he just built that only he knows what it does in the other hand, until a second ago singing a song in a language Bruce didn't even know the little boy could speak*

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

Dick is used to doing everything on the move, so he doesn't even notice that his behavior is not "normal".

When his mom was teaching him history, he was hanging upside down from the trapeze, trying to do a new routine.

When his dad was teaching him math, he was calculating the angles of his jumps and spins in the air.

Language? He practiced a new language on the trapeze with his parents, associating new words with the routines. If he made a mistake (either with routine or with language), they would start over so he could learn correctly.

He likes to read, but not while sitting. He usually reads while hanging upside down or swinging.

When Bruce receives the same message from his teachers for the fifth time in a row, saying that his son ward is "brilliant, a genius, but lazy", Bruce doesn't understand, since Dick always has his schoolwork done. How could he be lazy?

That is until he discovers that nine-year-old Dick is doing his homework while doing six other things at once, including practicing jumping routines, learning a new language and also planning a strategy to contain the Penguin.

Bruce: Chum, you have ADHD.

Dick: Why do you think that? *he says while hanging from the chandelier, with a math book in one hand and a device he just built that only he knows what it does in the other hand, until a second ago singing a song in a language Bruce didn't even know the little boy could speak*

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

Dick Grayson is NOT, in my opinion, a golden retriever.

He’s a German Shepherd. Sweet and affectionate, but if he has to be, harsh and vicious. That’s Dick Grayson for me.

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

🦇Batfamily🦇

*At a Socialite Party*

Dick: *acrobat chaos*

Jason: *Victorian chaos*

Tim & Babs: *Hacking chaos*

Cass: *ninja chaos*

Steph:*chaos*

Damian: *gremlin chaos*

Duke: * New to this and hasn't figured out his own chaos and looking over at Bruce*

Bruce: *Eye twitching, but face blank*

Duke: * To Bruce* I can never tell if you are laughing or having a mental breakdown.

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

Love this!

Teen dad Bruce(19y.o.) and Dick (8 y.o.) is my favorite thing

Bruce still being in College (med student) and deciding to adopt Dick just cause he can.Alfred is tired of the utter chaos these two bring Their dynamic is more like the Lego Batman movie more than anything honestly (they mean so much to meee)

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

🦇Batfamily🦇

At the Watchtower for some reason (meeting most likely,)

All Kids (Minus Cass and Dick): *To Bruce* I brought you ibuprofen, cuz we are your headache.

Bruce: *Having a headache because of this meeting and not because of his kids for once* Did you just...?

Jason & Tim: *Knowing his question is about breaking into the Watchtower* Yes.

Justice League: *Not knowing Batman had kids* 😮

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

I bet the JL has a “how fucked are we” metric that’s literally just how many of Bruce’s kids are there.

Like if he pulls up to the alien invasion or whatever with just Robin, then everything’s fine. More than fine, actually, because Bruce feels comfortable enough to bring his eight year old along for the ride. This battle will take approximately fifteen minutes and they’ll all get shawarma after. Not fucked in the slightest.

But if Red Robin shows up too… hmm, okay, this is getting somewhat serious. Tim is one of Bruce’s most trusted partners; he’s the smart Robin, the tactician, the loyal one, and so if Batman brought him along then it means he’s at least a little bit worried about shit hitting the fan and wants one his advisors around. But the combined brain power of Bruce and Tim is pretty much unmatched (DC plot armor for the win), so everything will be fine, basically. Superman might take a hit, but everything’s going to be fine. Just keep calm and you’ll all make it home in time to Door Dash some Panda Express before it closes. So not that fucked.

It starts to get serious after that. When Signal and Spoiler roll up the scene, shit has definitely hit the fan. Batman’s worried enough to call in reinforcements and he’s probably doubting the League’s ability to listen/obey his orders, so he needs a backup plan in case things go really south. But with Signal’s abilities and Steph’s superpower of turning anything into a joke, chances are you’ll be okay. Maybe impaled or something, but okay. But still, fucked.

When Nightwing shows, the JL knows it’s starting to get dicey out on the field. See, Nightwing’s got his own team, his own issues—the fact that he set that all aside to help out his dad is cause for concern. On a scale from 1-10, they are at a 7. Above moderately fucked.

And… oh God. Black Bat? Most of the time the JL doesn’t even see her, but once she makes herself known and starts fighting alongside her siblings, they all start to silently freak out. Black Bat is a fucking machine and if she’s breaking a sweat trying to fight the Big Bad, things are definitely not going to go well. They start praying that Batman figures something out. They freak out. They are intrinsically fucked.

But God Forbid you catch sight of the Red Hood. The prodigal son is a legitimate killer, and if Batman’s letting him blow out brains then the JL knows he’s desperate. And a desperate Batman is not good. At all. They are definitely fucked.

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

🦇Batfamily🦇

Bruce: I don't have friends. Just acquaintances.

Selina: *squinting suspiciously* Clark's your friend.

Clark: *100% is, but wanting help Bruce keep his "lonely" persona* No, I'm not.

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

Tell me there's an actual story based on this, I'd read it.

Cryptid Bruce

Martha and Thomas Wayne struggled to have a child for years and Thomas meets a shady man who tells him that a child will come to them soon

Thomas just ‘??? okaaaaaay’s him but in a week, Martha bursts into his office looking frazzled

“We’re being haunted.”

“….”

“Don’t give me that look, Thomas Wayne. The Manor. It’s haunted. Alfred! Tell him we’re being haunted!”

And Alfred comes in, also looking frazzled but to a lesser degree.

The two explain that things are moving around the Manor without any kind of explanation, but Thomas doesn’t believe them. Until he notices things in his office also being moved. The weirdest event is when they start hearing a child’s giggles. No explanation. None.

Not until Thomas, sleep deprived after going over paperwork for one too many hours, pops into the kitchen and…there is a child. Sitting on the kitchen counter.

The child, a boy, turns. Grins. Waves.

“Hi, daddy.”

—

Bruce, they name him, can melt into shadows. He finds it hilarious. Martha thinks she’s going to go grey at her young age. She adores him. Thomas adores him. He’s their son now.

The Waynes have a mysterious child, but they keep their private lives very private, so maybe they just successfully hid a pregnancy? And then a child. For…three years. They think Bruce is three, at least.

Despite how odd of a child Bruce is, they love him dearly. He’s some kind of miracle. A…very weird, possibly magical(?) miracle.

—

Dick thinks his adoptive father is strange. Extremely strange. Bruce makes absolutely no noise when he moves. He doesn’t cast shadows but he seemingly is able to *blend into them*. His smile, whilst genuine, seems a little too sharp.

He thinks he’s a vampire.

Bruce laughs so hard, he doubles over.

“No, but I am the Batman, so I guess you’re not far off.”

“…is this a joke?”

“Nope.”

“A dream?”

Bruce pinches him and Dick yelps.

Bruce doesn’t explain to Dick what he is, because he doesn’t have a clue himself. He just…is.

—

But when Jason comes along, he has a million and one questions. Bruce blinks at him.

“How did you do that? You literally *melted* into the shadows!”

Bruce shrugs.

“No. *No*. Explain.”

“I…can’t.”

“You said no secrets, B!”

Bruce puts his hands up defensively. “It’s not a secret! I really don’t know! It just…kind of happens.”

Jason stares at him. Bruce stands there. He seems to flicker? The edges of his body go a bit transparent and Dick knows he only does that when he’s stressed.

“Leave him alone, Jay. He’s telling the truth. He’s just…like that. But he’s still Bruce.”

It takes Jason two months to accept it. By then, his questions are more from genuine intrigue and wonder. He hides under Batman’s cape and somehow it’s spacious? It can even fit Dick at the same time. No one (but Bruce) can even hear them when they’re under there.

And then one day, when he goes to take a nap under Bruce’s cape, someone else is there.

“….B?”

“…”

“You know what I’m going to ask.”

“…”

“*Bruce*.”

“No real names, Robin.”

“No one can hear me!”

“…I didn’t kidnap him.”

“What his name?”

“Timothy Drake.”

“FROM DRAKE INDUSTRIES?”

And Tim wakes up, rubbing his eyes. He looks exhausted and way too skinny, and all of a sudden, Jason understands why Dick has cooed at him the first night Bruce brought him home.

“Um…hi.”

“B, we’re keeping him.”

Jason doesn’t need to see Bruce’s face to know he’s smiling.

—

Damian just…appears. Bruce suddenly understands his parents’ reactions to his first appearance because nearly the same exact thing happens. Bruce wakes up from a nap. He doesn’t need to sleep very often, something Tim finds incredibly annoying, declaring it to be *unfair*. He wakes up, and curled against his chest is…a boy. Who looks a *lot* like him.

“Uh.”

The child wakes up, blinks at him w striking green eyes.

“Hello Father.”

What the fuck.

Dick slams his way into Bruce’s office, followed by Jason and Tim, who are bickering with each other.

“DAAAAAAAD, THEY WON’T SHU- oh. Steal another kid?”

“…he just appeared.”

“That’s the excuse you used for Jason.”

“No. Literally. I fell asleep. No kid. Woke up. Kid.”

“My name is Damian.”

“That’s no fair. You came pre-named?”

Damian is as odd as Bruce. Actually, he’s weirder. And stabby. Bruce finds him *delightful*. He adores him.

—

Dick is Nightwing, Jason is Red Hood (no death, he just thought it was a cool name), Tim is Red Robin, and Damian’s Robin.

Bruce is Batman. Despite being in his late 30s, he still looks like he’s in his mid 20s.

—

Batman stands in front of a bank robber who’s going on about their evil bank robbing plans. Nightwing pops his head out from beneath Batman’s cape.

“Can you get to the point?”

Red Hood pops out next.

“I’m getting bored.”

Red Robin follows.

“This is sad.”

Damian.

“Scum.”

Batman sighs.

“Why are all of you here?”

“Missed you.”

They all chime in.

The robber.

“How…how the *fuck-?*”

“Language. There are kids around.”

“B, I’m 23.”

“Says the boy taking a nap in my cape. And I was talking about Red Robin and Robin.”

“…’s comfy.”

“I’m eighteen???”

“F- Batman! I am not a child!”

There’s some shuffling sounds, no doubt Red Hood moving over to ruffle Robin’s hair.

“Whatever you say, Tiny Demon.”

And then Red Hood shrieks.

“No stabbing your brothers, Robin.”

“He called me small!”

“…you are.”

“This is insulting, F- Batman. I will grow to be as big as you. No. *Bigger*.”

The robber watches in confusion, mild amusement, and horror.

Batman sighs.

“We’ll talk about this later. Now, you were saying? Blowing up the bank, terrorizing the people.” Batman yawns. “Anything else?”

“Just take me to Arkham. I think I’m insane.”

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

🦇Batfamily🦇

Dick: Do I get a new comm?

Barbra: Does it look like we want to listen to you?

Dick: 😮

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

Dick (Nightwing) and Jason (Robin) stare at Bruce. One sports pleading eyes, the other a shit eating grin. There’s a child between them with black hair and blue eyes.

Bruce, he doesn’t know what’s happening but he doesn’t like it: No.

Dick, grinning: He’s our younger brother now.

Jason, nodding seriously: You’re not gonna take him from us.

Tim, got kidnapped while taking photos of patrol, just happy to be there: Where’s the Batcave?

Bruce: what.

Dick, grinning wider: He’s ours now.