#it’s borderline insane

[laurrelise]

me when i meet someone for the first time and i want to say:

“have you ever watched the umbrella academy? it’s a great show, you really should. it’s about a dysfunctional family of childhood superheroes who underwent serious trauma from their emotionally absent father and grow up to be insanely dynamic and interesting individuals who have to save the world but just keep failing over and over. my favorite character is five, a 58 year-old man in the body of his 13 year-old self who can teleport and time travel but got it wrong the first time and had to survive for over 40 years as the last living human in an apocalyptic wasteland before being recruited by an organization that exists outside of time that keeps the space-time continuum in harmony with itself to become the most lethal assassin known to man for not only his learned talents but also his superhuman abilities. he cares about his family more than anything and sacrificed just about everything he’s ever had to save them time and time again to go under-appreciated by everyone around him. he has a witty charm to him, but just about zero social skills due to several decades which he spent alone but is so extremely smart that at times it’s even difficult to conceptualize just what spending time inside his brain would entail. i find his character so complex and interesting that i’m sure if motivated, i could write several essays on each of his arcs, virtues, and traits. the show is also very loved, especially by myself, due to its beautifully selected soundtrack with some of my favorite songs and such beautiful vocals from artists all throughout time including some of the cast members from the show itself. i especially love ‘stormy weather’ covered and recorded by emmy raver-lampman, featured in season one episode eight, as her character, allison hargreeves, drives through a rainstorm to help save her sister while she thinks about how her entire life has been a lie due to the curse that her abilities inevitably cast upon her. the song gives me chills every time i hear it, from its beautiful vintage-string sound to emmy’s phenomenal vocals, it’s truly an underrated classic that i believe should be talked about so much more. i also love ‘stay with me’, covered and recorded by mary j. blige, also featured in season one episode eight, as her character cha-cha, a ruthless time-traveling hitwoman, seeks unfair revenge on her work partner who chose humanity to go live out his last days with the love of his life. both of these songs push the limits of the musical talent and power these women hold. i could truly go on about the show for hours, but i absolutely can’t recommend it enough. the first two seasons are some of my favorite pieces of film i’ve ever had the pleasure of enjoying, as even though the show isn’t artistically-shot or critically acclaimed, it’s so well-written, produced, and acted that it creates a spark of excitement deep within me that my words simply can’t describe.”

… but i have to say “hi, i’m lauren. nice to meet you.”

[wowlookwhosspirallingagain]

i don’t want to live like this. i only exist at this point. all i do is distract my mind so i don’t kill myself

[saddevilsworld]

idk as the days go by the urge to hang myself is getting stronger

[familiarplacedisc]

[autopsyfreak]

‘how do i get to know you better?’

don’t. i’m fucking insane.

[possibly-a-table-or-just-gay]

I'm putting them in a jar and shaking them.

King and Lionheart. Brothers in everything but blood. 'I would follow you anywhere' and 'I would never desert you'. 'A scar on your body borne from my blade is the true sign of my madness'.

I'm going insane.

[insaneinpink]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🎀ɞ˚‧｡⋆

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i need this more than oxygen

[letsventstuff]

I mourn the person I could have been.

[d3athanddecay1]

I should just stop existing

[madpunks]

i don't know what psychotic person needs to hear this, but it is in fact okay for you to be psychotic. it's not your fault. you're not asking for it. it's something that's occurring to you. trying to force it to stop happening ALL the time is going to drain you way too much. some days you just have symptoms and it's alright. sometimes you just have to go with the flow. you're not a fuck up if you have episodes, days, weeks, months of not being able to hold it together and mask your paranoia, intrusive thoughts, delusions, hallucinations, catatonia, confusion, etc. it's alright to just be mentally ill for a bit. i love you

[wowlookwhosspirallingagain]

omg maybe life is worth living [i had a decent day] —> i cannot be saved [the slightest inconvenience occurs] —> i am a fucking god and everyone loves me [someone laughed at my joke] —> i am going to kill myself [i feel a little bit unwanted because of someone’s reaction]

and this shit just goes on and on and NEVER stops

[bl0w-m3]

[la1npilledg1rl]

[hisenemy]

gave them my all, begged and pleading with them them. Pointless asf.

[autopsyfreak]

me when i try to communicate with someone that my BPD will want to kill them and then myself if they leave me and they respond in an understanding manner instead of calling me toxic or insane.