#incorrect ted quotes

[kasinonightlife]

Blaire: You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?

Ted: Eat a nickel.

Blaire: A reminder: You have retained all your skills and memories.

John: Eat a nickel.

Blaire: Ok.

[theshieldjanitor]

Ted and the Incorrect Quotes

[liv45no]

Ted: dating a Black is great.

James: so great!

Remus: the best!

Ted: but they tend to be a tad judgmental.

James: almost punitive.

Remus: they are monsters.

Ted: that’s why the three of us formed a secret alliance to help each other cover up our little mistakes :)

[tims-missing-spleen]

(I like to think that) Lex Luthor gets clowned on by literally everyone, and Bruce is the absolute worst.

Like he'll attend an event and a literal millisecond later, Bruce will roll up and steal all the attention. And when they're inside, him or one of his crazy "children" will "accidentally" spill very red wine all over his expensive ass suit.

And what can Lex even do?

Last time he retaliated and mildly shoved Bruce, the man very dramatically flung himself across the room and fell straight into a table. He hadn't even gotten hurt- not a single bruise or cut- but that drama queen didn't appear in public for an entire month after the incident. The backlash Lex had gotten was so not worth it.

And it doesn't stop there. His kids join in on the "fun" and bully him too.

Tim permanently bans him from all the platforms owned by Wayne enterprisese, which is like borderline illegal, so Lex sues and somehow always loses.

Jason Duke and Steph team up and make it a game to throw things on his head without him realising. And when Luthor catches one of them, he can't even shout at them or whatnot cause hes actually scared shitless. Jason, the absolute tank of a man, just grins at him while placing his hands on the very noticeable gun at his hip. Duke and Steph stand on either side of him, gripping literal knives in their hands.

Damian just outright walks up to him and begins insulting him in a couple of different languages. He always gives Lex a final disgusted look before turning and walking off.

Dick might seem the sweetest, approaching him while smiling in that nice way of his. He's the worst, though, cause he always makes sure to bring a few reporters with him before he innocently starts outing Lex's latest evil scheme in front of the audience. He makes sure to bring solid evidence of the nefarious plans, but right at the end, he goes, "idk I could be wrong," before shrugging and walling off.

Cassandra doesn't do much, but she's definitely the scariest. Whenever Lex has had enough and is about to call a hit on Bruce, she appears out of nowhere, stares straight at him, and just shakes her head while saying, "No. Regret"

Basically, Lex Luthor, public enemy #1, gets (justifiably) bullied by the entirety of the human population (honestly, only the Waynes).

[incorrectbatfam]

If Shark Tank existed in the DC universe

Jason: Good evening, sharks. My name is Jason Todd, but don't let the fact that my father is on the panel dissuade the rest of you from investing. I am here with my partner in more ways than one, Roy Harper.

Bruce: More ways in one? What—

Jason: Have you ever hung out with your family and thought to yourself, "Damn, we have a really bad habit of dying. What can we do?" Well, look no further, because our product will revolutionize the entire concept of parenting. We call it Responsibility™.

Roy: *walks out holding Lian*

Jason: As my partner is modeling for you, Responsibility will not only keep your child alive, but it will also ensure that your child grows up to be a well-adjusted member of society.

Roy: *spins around*

Jason: Our child safety technology combines your classic Adult Supervision with our state-of-the-art Age-Appropriate Activity instincts. Allow us to demonstrate.

Jason: Roy, is patrolling the city at night in spandex an appropriate activity for an eight-year-old? Without Responsibility™, you might say something like...

Roy: Of course! And while we're at it, let's get this small child a lethal weapon.

Jason: But when you use Responsibility™, you get this.

Roy: Absolutely not. That is reckless endangerment. Let's watch a movie instead.

Ollie, to Bruce: He's taking a dig at you.

Kate: So what do you want from us?

Jason: We propose a $100,000 investment to jumpstart our manufacturing facility. We have a vision of every single family having Responsibility™ by the end of this decade. In return, we will give you a 10% share of the company.

Ollie: Have you patented this?

Roy: We have the main Responsibility™ product patented as of last year and our Dad Reflex™ add-on is currently pending.

Ted: As you might know, kids take a lot of risks, especially in their teenage years. I know as a mentor to a teenager myself. How do you account for this?

Jason: Excellent question. Responsibility™ is a versatile product that evolves with time. For older kids, you receive the additional Conversation™ feature that aids in communicating expectations at a higher level.

Roy: While nothing is guaranteed in life, Responsibility™ is the best safeguard on the market.

Kate, taking notes: And what's your current customer acquisition cost?

Jason: We don't have an exact figure, but right now it's around fifty cents.

Kate: And your profit margin?

Jason: We sell Responsibility™ for ten dollars each and our profit margin is seven dollars.

Bruce: This is too conceptual for Wayne Enterprises. I'm out.

Jason: It's alright, we figured this product wasn't for you.

Ollie: Queen Industries is out too. We don't see it worth the investment.

Roy: Understandable. You have a track record to maintain.

Ted: I see the growth potential in this product. I'm going to offer you $100,000 for research and development at Kord Industries in exchange for 25% equity.

Kate: I'll do you one better. $150,000 for 30% equity and an office at Kane Industries.

Ollie: You guys can't be serious.

Ted: You're missing out. I know revolutionary technology when I see it. I'll raise you $180,000 plus Hollywood product placements.

Kate: $200,000 for 20% equity, an entire floor of Kane Tower, and a Super Bowl ad.

Jason: Sold to the childless lesbian! Looks like we have a deal.

Roy, handing her a bag: Here, take a free one as a token of our appreciation.

Kate, looking at Bruce: Thank you! I know just the person to give this to.

[military-newsboys]

Buck: Eds, if you die, do you want to be buried or cremated? Like, if you were hit by a bus today, what do I do?

Eddie: Go after the bus driver and make him pay for what he did to me.

Eddie: Avenge me, Buck. Avenge me!

Buck: I found this company, and they bury you in a biodegradable sack. So when your body decomposes, it fertilizes the seeds of a fruit tree.

Buck: That's what I want. Because then you and all the people that love me can eat the fruit from my tree.

Eddie: That is fucking mental

Buck: Coming from the guy that wants me to ruin a bus driver's life just 'cause he killed you swerving to avoid a child!

Eddie: I didn't know about the fucking child!

[lavenderstobins]

stranger tweets part 7

[previous] [next]

all previous parts: [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 5.5]

[batfamgalore]

*After Jason and Bruce get into a huge fight*

Dick: What did you do?

Jason: What do you think I did?

Dick: Punched him. Headbutted him.

Jason: Keep going.

Dick: Did you murder him?

Jason: No. Worse. I fucking forgave him. It’s disgusting, isn’t it?

[caslutz]

Ted Lasso Text Posts: Part #5

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

[petes-5yr-cocoa]

Just some general friends & family memes

+ everyone seemed rlly fond of curtwen grandparents last time sooooo

[veryberryjelly]

Could I request a 🍸? Prompt 80 with either Roy or Jamie from Ted lasso. Congrats on 1.5k!!

jamie tartt x reader

prompts ; ' will carry you if you're injured '

𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ✦ 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 !

how you had managed to hurt yourself at a restaurant was absolutely beyond you.

the whole richmond team was packed into Ola's for dinner and jamie had brought you along. which you were more than excited to do because you had tasted sam's cooking before when you had been round for dinner and an actual restaurant would be next level.

but then one moment you had been standing from your table to go to the bathroom, and the next you had been falling into the arms of colin where he had been sat at the next table.

while jamie had been up to try and catch you when he saw you stumbling, he hadn't been able to get there quick enough and you were thankful the room was full of fit footballers with quick reflexes who could catch you.

but you were less concerned about the scene you had just made as opposed to the throbbing in your ankle.

" y' alright, babe ?" jamie questioned as he came to stand beside you, his face full of concern that warmed your heart slightly.

" yeah, 'm fine. thanks colin " if he hadn't caught you, you probably would've caused a bigger scene than you already had.

when you tried to stand on both feet on your own, you almost crumbled again and this time it was jamie's arms that wrapped around you to prevent you from falling to the floor.

he helped you sit yourself back in your chair and you could feel almost every pair of eyes in the restaurant on you, but the only set you could focus on was jamie's as he knelt down infront of you.

you knew it was impossible to hide anything from your boyfriend. he could read you like a book even if you tried to hide it. something that only made it worse.

his hands grazed your ankle as he pulled your shoe off, at which you couldn't help but wince.

the sight of it wasnt much better. you weren't sure how it had become so inflamed and red in less than a minute, but it had.

the sight even made jamie wince, and that was never a good sign.

" think y've sprained your ankle, baby. must've caught it on the table when you got up "

his fingertips were delicate against the skin of your ankle but that didn't stop the furrow of pain that showed up between your brows.

" think 've gotta get you home, sweetheart. get some ice on this "

he stood from the floor, keeping your shoe in his hand because he didnt want to see you pained as he tried to put it back on.

he offered his hands out to pull you up from the seat, noticing the way you only put one foot down on the ground.

he helped you hobble out of the restaurant, thanking sam profusely for even inviting you and apologising for having to leave.

the moment you were outside jamie stopped walking and turned to you.

" cars parked two streets down, love " he explained, eliciting a groan from you.

but that feeling of dread was short-lived as you felt jamie's arm around your back and the other behind your knees.

your arms looped around his neck out of pure instinct and before you knew it, jamie was carrying you bridal style towards the car.

" didnt want to embarrass ya infront of the boys " he answered the question you hadn't even asked yet.

you had no response. well, no verbal response. instead, you pressed a kiss onto his cheek and rested your head down against his shoulder, making a mental note to make him breakfast tomorrow morning.

if you could get out of bed without his help.

[aaeeart]

another shitpost time <3

I'll just drop the tiktok version here as well

[theshieldjanitor]

Ted and the Incorrect Quotes

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Has this been done before? Eh who cares I DID A FANART EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!

This took me. So fucking long. I had such a hard time with Paul's arm in the second panel and then, after I got it to a place I actually liked, I ended up just copy pasting his pose in the first sjvnvkekfmekfnkd

Also please don't look too hard at the background I did my best but GOD I suck at backgrounds-

[its-short-for-jackalope]

no thoughts today, only ✨️memes✨️ (3/3)

...alrighty thats all of em!!! this has been the magic of adhd hyperfocus! my brain is fried now

[nerdyblog8]

Hatchefield as Textposts (part one)! (Part two!) (Part three!)

(TGWDLM incorrect quotes part 1) (NPMD incorrect quotes part 1)

(Star Trek Textposts part 1 - AOS)