#incorrect shazam quotes

[thebat-musicman]

Billy: It’s so annoying not being able to say my name.

Freddy: Yeah I bet that’s irritating. Would be a shame if you had to deal with that for SIXTY-NINE YEARS

[captian-sassy]

[lovesick-joey]

the people wanted more youtube worldbuilding ^^

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[incorrectbatfam]

Damian: His name is Billy Batson. Don't you find that utterly ridiculous?

Dick: No.

Damian: That's because your name is Dick.

[nosyrobin]

Wonderboy!reader: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Damian: Not if they consent to it.

Billy: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Jon: YES?!?

[if-you-like-pina-colada-s]

Bruce, walking into the manor: Hello people who do not live here.

Clark: Hi :D

Diana: Hey!

Oliver: 'sup man

Dinah: yo

Hal: Hiii

Barry: Heyo

Arthur: wassup

Billy: Hey

Bruce: Why are you here??

Barry, mouth full of doritos: We ran out of doritos

----

Bonus:

Bruce: Alfred, why the hell did you let them in??

Alfred, casually having tea w J'onn, whose just happy his son has friends: They ran out of doritos master Bruce, what was I to do? Let them starve??

Bruce: >:(

[blue-drink]

He is baby

[In the DC Universe] Zeus: We're having a baby. Billy Batson: Oh, congratu— Hera, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

****************************************************

Extended version:

[ticklet0d]

Billy: If I were a magic wizard I wouldn't harm people when they pissed me off. I'd just put these really fucked up random curses on them, like every time they saw a school bus they would shit their pants or every time someone said the word "Thursday" they would pretend they were a dragon for 20 seconds.

Freddy: I think you would be a very good wizard.

[shortnsweetsposts]

Wonder!reader: She's gonna be one of the smartest girls there. Lizzie, what's the square root of 64?

Lizzie: 8!

Jon, Billy, Dick and a few other hero friends: *Clapped and Cheered*

Damian: Nice trick. Hey, Lizzie, what's the square root of this potato? *Holds up a half eaten potato*

Lizzie: 8!

Damian: Congratulations, you have a parrot.

Jon, Billy and Dick: 😬

Wonder!reader:

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

Aftermath for that one episode of JLU, Clash

Superman: I feel… bad about what happened.

Captain Marvel: So, you’re apologizing?

Superman: Yes, I’m sorry

Captain Marvel: Ok, I don’t forgive you.

Superman: Billy, I said I’m sorry

Captain Marvel: Yeah, and I do not forgive you.

[cer-rata]

"Pride fits"

Damian: ...You made a rainbow version of your costume? Jon: Yeah! I'm going to be on the Pride float instead of Kon this year, so I wanted to make a statement. Damian: With a crop top so scarce that it probably actually counts as a sports bra? Jon: Not a bra, and you keep looking at me and turning red, so I think it's doing its job. Damian: I am not-- Conrad: You gonna change your suit, Billy? Billy: I wasn't planning to? I feel like allies are supposed to look kind of bland by comparison, right? Conrad: Ally? Conrad: But aren't you like, genderfluid or something? Billy: Billy: Whaaat? Why would you think that? Conrad: You turn into a girl sometimes? Billy, chuckling nervously: ...What? Billy: N-no? I have no idea what you're-- Billy: Oh my god, are you talking about Mary? You think we're the same person? We've been pictured together! Conrad:  ...Huh. Okay in my defense I chalk everything you do that doesn't make sense up to magic weirdness. Billy: ...Well that's fair, yeah-- Conrad: And she really looks like you if you were a girl. Like, you look so related, you could be twins even. Billy, looking around suddenly: ...Don't say that again, for some reason the universe didn't like that. Conrad:  Conrad: Anyway, I think Jon's bra is cute! Jon: Okay, but it's not actually a bra-- Conrad: Babe, it's Priiiiide, go crazy go stupid. Maya: I mean if we're being technical, it's a "bralette" Jon, sighing in defeat: ...Speaking of stupid, you coming with us this year, D? Damian: You really want to sleep on the couch, huh? Jon: C'moooon... Damian: Even if I were interested, my current alias is not public, I cannot go as Robin because Maps is Robin, and unlike Drake I can move on with my life. Damian: ...And perhaps I'm just not comfortable with being so exposed in public. Maya: Hey, just because these guys aren't shy doesn't mean you gotta go all out.  Maya, kicking her leg up on the table: Plus, not everyone has thighs like these. Damian: D-Ducard! Conrad: Yeah! I'm not even going all out, I'm just gonna wear my normal uniform. Damian: Your uniform is a sleeveless, neon violet, cropped leather jacket and you don't even wear a shirt with it anymore. I actually think just being shirtless would make you look less thirsty somehow. Conrad: But you keep looking, so I think it's doing its-- Damian: Finish that and you and Jon will have to share that couch. Jon: Wait. Jon: What if you go as Nightwing? Damian: ...I'm sorry? Jon: Ask to borrow his weird disco costume. Wildly gay, not too much skin, and I'm sure he'd be down. Damian: ...But that costume is hideous. Jon: Are you saying you've never wanted to try it on? Damian: Yes? Jon: You know I hate it when you lie to me. Damian: Damian:  Damian: Fine. Fine! I'll text Richard… Maya: Woo! Peer pressure! That's what Pride is all about!

[captian-sassy]

Freddy: I’m genuinely surprised you haven’t been arrested, let alone gotten a felony yet.

Billy: Nat 20 charisma.

Freddy: That is NOT how that works.

[superbat-love]

While on a galactic mission in the outer planets…

Shazam: Did you hear the news? I can’t believe that the Joker stole all of Batman’s money. Poor Batman. I know what that’s like. Some guy always tries to steal mine during lunch.

Superman: Huh, Fawcett City must be more dangerous than I thought. Anyway, it’s just not right. I offered to talk to the Joker, but Batman told me to stay out of Gotham. He said he’d handle it by himself.

Shazam: I wish I could help with his money situation, but I don’t get enough allowance. Oh, how about we hold a fundraiser? Or an auction! We could sell something valuable and donate the money to Batman.

Superman: That’s a great idea Shazam. [Spots something on the ground] Hey, what do we have here? [Picks up a shiny object] It looks like a diamond! Wow, this deserted planet is covered in them!

Shazam and Superman stare at each other.

Superman: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Shazam: Let’s bring this planet back home! We can put it beside the Watchtower since there’s plenty of space there; you pull and I’ll push. And then Batman can live on Planet Diamond!

Shazam and Superman high-five each other.

[incorrectbatfam]

imagine Batman had to take care of the rest of the Justice League members after a magic user turned them into toddlers/ kids

Bruce: *warms Clark's bottle*

Bruce: *sets Diana in a playpen*

Bruce: *burps Hal*

Bruce: *changes Ollie's diaper*

Bruce: *puts Barry on a child leash*

Bruce: *gives Arthur a bath*

Bruce: *puts J'onn in a Martian onesie*

Bruce: *gives Vic a green teddy bear*

Bruce: *sings Dinah a lullaby*

Bruce: *plays peek-a-boo with Zatanna*

Bruce: *holds a baby photoshoot for Carter and Shayera*

Bruce: *downloads Little Einstein for Ray*

Bruce: *puts an iPad in front of Ted*

Bruce: *starts training Billy to be Robin*

[later, back to normal]

Ollie: We're gonna pretend we don't remember all that?

Everyone: Yep.

[fandomnerd9602]

Y/N walks sadly into the Rock of Eternity…

Mary: what’s wrong?

Y/N: rough day

Mary: C’mere

Mary pats her lap…

Y/N lays down on the couch and lays their head on Mary’s lap…

Mary: want me to read organic chemistry to you?

Y/N: sure

[nosyrobin]

*doing a hear me out cake*

Wonderboy!reader: okay is everyone ready?

Damian: yes.

Jon: yeah!

Billy: I’m born ready.

Wonderboy!reader: alright let’s do this…

*the boys except for reader put their “hear me out” on the cake*

Wonderboy!reader:

Wonderboy!reader: Why are they all me….BILLY WHY IS THAT A PIC OF ME IN MY WORKOUT CLOTHES?!

Billy: Hear me out thoughhh—

Wonderboy!reader: GET OUT🗣️‼️