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Incorrect quotes of Greek mythology

Rhea: Why are there little handprints all over the walls? Metis, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls? Toddler Zeus, whispering: Because I have little hands. Metis: Because she has little hands.

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Home shores

[Multi-pantheon] Odin: Why does Zeus always do the laundry so loudly? Ra: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house. Zeus, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

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He is baby

[In the DC Universe] Zeus: We're having a baby. Billy Batson: Oh, congratu— Hera, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

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Gifts

Hera: When I said “bring me something back from the beach” I meant like a conch shell! Zeus: *struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

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Distracted

Hestia: Any d— Demeter: Depressed? Hades: Drained? Poseidon: Dumb? Zeus: Disliked? Hestia: —done with their work... What is wrong with you people...?

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Warm

Zeus: If I stay in bed, I'll be warm. Zeus: If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. Zeus: But the distance between the bed and the shower? No. That is not warm.

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Too much energy

Apollo: I think you're still suffering the effects of the party last night. Zeus: All I drank was Redbull!1! Poseidon: How many? Zeus: EighTeEn!!11! {18 Redbulls}

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Encapsulation

Zeus: I put the pun in punishment. Ares: I put the top in unstoppable. Persephone: I put the cute in execute. Poseidon: I put the sexy in dyslexia. Athena: I put the ass in class. Hera: I put the D in Zeus.

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Sleep protection

Demeter: I sleep with a gun under my pillow. Poseidon: I sleep with a knife. Zeus: Both of you are pathetic. Demeter: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with? Zeus: Hera.

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Clothes

Zeus, in fem-form, looking through their clothes: Has anyone seen my top? Demeter: Hera's in the kitchen.

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Description

Zeus: I love saying ‘fuck me’ because it can either be sexual or self-loathing, and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

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Not the sharpest tool in the shed

Hera, gardening: Hey, can you bring me my hoe? Hades: Yeah, sure. [A few minutes later] Hades: Here you go. Hera: ... Hades: ... Zeus: ... Zeus: Why am I here?

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Naughty

Hestia: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Hera? Hera: Hades, easily. Hades, laughing: What the fuck, dude. Hera: Well, Zeus would be too easy. They'd probably be into it. Zeus, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck, babe?!

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Sexy✨

Zeus: I'm the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room.

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Shape-shifters

Hera: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts. Zeus, joking: Yeah, eat what you lack. Hera, deadpanning at Zeus: Then maybe I should order penis on delivery for you.

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Unsafe

Zeus: Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safe word.

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Such a banger

Zeus: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration* Hera: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table? Zeus: I— Zeus: I don't know the correct answer to that question.