#incorrect mom quotes

[angelofthenight]

*After (y/n) does something stupid and gets them and Stephen sent to another universe by Wanda*

You: We're alive! WE'RE ALIVE!

Stephen: Good!

Stephen: Because now… I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

[tiger-grace]

Superman: I haven’t seen you at the watchtower for a while. Where have you been the last few weeks, Batman?

Bruce: Rehab.

Superman, worriedly: Oh, I’m so sorry- I never knew you struggled with that. If you don’t mind me asking, what for?

Bruce, grimacing as he watches public footage of Signal and Red Hood starting a dumpster fire out of Pro-Joker merch: ..adoption.

[bruciemilf]

Jason: I’d fold Batman like a paper towel.

Duke: So why don’t you want to fight with Bruce, then?

Jason: Are you on crack?

[fanaticalthings]

POV: You're the oldest sibling

it's tough being the oldest.

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Bonus:

[leoleolovesdc]

Jason [after a rough patrol with Damian]: Huh, that was fun! Wanna go for a drink?

Damian: Akhi, I’m 16

Jason: Wait, seriously?

Jason: Damn, I was convinced you were 12

[hisbucky]

Athena, on the phone: Good morning, Buck! You don't usually call me this early in the morning, is something the matter? Buck: Morning, momma. I just wanted to ask something real quick. On the off chance that I get kidnapped and am being held for ransom, what should I do? Athena: ...Pass the phone, sweetie. Buck, rustling sounds: ... Kidnapper: My demands are simple — Athena: No, you listen here. If you touched even one hair on my boy's face, you're going to wish I had the authority to kill you by the time I'm done. I will find you, break you, and make sure your face will match the sheer idiocy that is your brain for even thinking that this was a good idea. Kidnapper: ... Buck, in the background: I told you that this was a bad idea.

[dc-and-damirae]

robin(dick): What if I turned into a villain? cat-woman: Aw, you'd have the cutest mugshot. robin [very pleased with himself]: Thank you cat-mom.

[fxiryeon]

Y/N: It’s so frustrating

Luke: What is ??

Y/N: Watching Annabeth openly flirt with Percy for weeks and Percy is still not realising it

Luke, wearing a ‘date me Y/N’ shirt: Haha, yeah-

[headcanonthings]

Stiles: Why are you following me? Derek: Because we’re dating now. Stiles: Okay… what about the other three? Isaac: We’re a package deal Erica: Buy one idiot, get two idiots and a Boyd free!

[noyzinerd]

[After the pack runs into one of Derek's ex's from his time in New York]

Stiles: Oh my god, that girl was gorgeous! I mean, did you guys see her?!

The pack:

Stiles: Why on Earth would Derek ever break up with someone so beautiful? What was he even thinking?!

The pack:

Stiles: I know if I ever landed someone like that, I'd probably never let them go.

The pack:

Stiles: Aw shoot, I gotta get going or I'm gonna be late. See you later guys!

The pack: The pack:

Malia: So, are we all still pretending Derek's ex-girlfriend didn't just look like Stiles in a wig?

[incorrect-seafam-quotes]

Triton: I have only had my infant demigod half brother Percy for a day-

Tyson: but if anyone hurts him you'd kill them?

Triton: -and he's already uspered my position as dad's favorite, endeared himself to all of sealife on the east coast to the point where they go to him for help instead of me, and-

Amphitrite, swimming by: Aww, are we talking about my second youngest child? He's such a good little fish-

Triton: -STOLE MY MOTHER!

Tyson:

Tyson: But if someone did try to hurt him-

Triton: *sighs*

Triton: Yes Tyson, if someone tried to hurt Percy I would eviscerate them to the point where regeneration is impossible.

[bruciemilf]

I need Terry and Jason to meet, but their dynamic has to be like this:

Jason: Monologues about how much he doesn’t want to reconcile with Bruce and the family while visiting for the 10th time that day

Terry:

[l3viat8an]

*Games night in Levi’s room*

Mammon: Damn this game is crazy!

MC: Crazy?

MC & Levi:*In perfect sync* I was crazy once, they locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with with rats, and rats make me crazy, crazy? I was crazy once, they locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with with rats, and rats make me crazy, crazy?-

Mammon: What the fuck is wrong with you two????

[jmscornerlibrary]

(Valentine's Day, as orchestrated by Lockhart)

Lockhart: (smugly) So, tell me, Professor Snape. What are your plans?

Snape: Plans.

Lockhart: Yes, for this evening. Surely, you must have a date.

Snape: I do.

McGonagall: ...???

Lockhart: Oh, really? Marvellous! I'll bet you've got quite a few things planned. Perhaps a candle-lit dinner, some music, all working up to a spectacular show of affection and ... passion?

Snape: (calmly) Not quite. I won't say the evening won't be eventful, though.

Lockhart: Indeed! My, you must be more experienced than you look, professor. Eventful... who would have thought? Not me.

McGonagall:

Snape: *sips wine*

Lockhart: ...So who is this date of yours you'll be so... "occupied" with?

Snape: *puts down goblet and swallows* Your mother.

[hisbucky]

*118 helping out Athena* Athena: Does anybody have any ideas? Buck: *raises a hand* Athena: Does anybody have any ideas that don't involve using themselves as bait to catch a damn serial killer. Buck: *lowers his hand* Athena: That's what I thought.

[batfamgalore]

Jason: Oh my god, can I kill him!

Dick: No.

Jason: Can I at least slash his tires?

Dick: Okay.