#idk Who I Am

[sl8tersstuff]

I can’t forgive myself for all the things I didn’t become;

for the things I won’t become.

[forest-fire-witness]

i obsessively search inwards for my identity. it will be too late when i realize ive dug open the cavity of my chest and am holding my bloody intestines.

[soggywetcatgirl]

girl that never figured out how to be a person. is she stupid?

[lemony-ink]

I've never tried talking to someone from the same source as me (introject) and i'm considering it only for the experience of someone being able to mourn with me. It feels like I've lost the life I should have had.

[eboniibunnii]

i just wish people understood how horrible feeling every emotion at 100% feels. i either feel nothing at all or all of it all at once, it makes me feel unreal sometimes. feels like a fucking emotional curse lol.

i hate it!!!!!!!

[burningsolarsystem]

Some people might get mad at me for saying this, but I wish I could make my headmates more distinct.

I say this for many reasons. One, it gets very difficult to function when I'm in this constant blurry form. To add onto that, my personality fluxes so much that doing anything is a coin flip and I'm unsure of anything at any given time. And sometimes the change gives me whiplash. Cause I can go from happy and loving life to ready to tear someone's head off. Or from doing something to completely over it. Not to mention the amount of times I catch myself off guard with the way I talk or text because it is completely different than normal.

It is also difficult to do things when its a struggle to communicate with them or to even know who is influencing me.

Not to mention, everyone, from what I can tell, agrees that Leo becoming host would be much better for us. But we can't because they aren't distinct enough to front, let alone switch hosts.

-Sorry if this was hard to read or doesn't make sense, I'm currently blurry af.

[nymphnana]

[bethn0tfound404]

Tw: Identity crisis, overthinking, vulnerability, $ui mention, contradicting words. Basic vent stuff along those lines :) fyi, I use humor (emoticons count) to cope, so if I use humor or add a :3 or a :] or smth like that during a bad/sensitive topic, I'm likely using humor as a coping mechanism. And if I'm not using humor or an emoticon, well *shrugs*

Do you ever feel like you just don't know yourself, what you truly like, what you truly don't like, what your personality is, what's true about yourself, what's wrong about yourself, to the point you just wanna give up bc you don't know what life you're playing as yet you don't know what life you wanna play, so you create a different/multiple persona(s) in at least four different universes to play the lives you actually want to play and when you have to live the real world you just.. hurt? And no one knows and will never know/understand the pain you go through pretty much everyday? And when you do have to live in the real world, your mind constantly lives/wants to escape into a different world as a persona? And that hurts even more?

I seriously don't know myself- I feel like I'm just playing a persona that I don't know how to play as and I feel like I'm fucking everything up when I try to play the persona. Idk social/public norms/cues due to going to online school my whole life+not being social, so I feel like I fuck everything up socially as well. It's so.. hard. It's just so so hard, everyday. I'm falling behind on school work EVERYDAY, so I feel like I'm fucking school up as well. I feel like a failure at everything and life itself.

Underline here- I seriously don't know myself, and I feel like I'm just playing a persona idk how to play. And I feel like I could say sorry for a million things, to so many people. I feel like I'm one crack away from letting everything out.

Worst part? Idk if I'm even valid to be venting about this- it's not a constant feeling, but yet I always eventually come back to this feeling.

.. Thinking about the second paragraph, I feel like I might be a hardcore Sunny kin at this point... Or just rlly fcking depressed lmao.

[ripin2]

the universe asked me, “did you learn your lesson?” , and i replied “my hands are not clean”

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

i yearn for community and connection, especially a queer community like i want to form relationships; friends and family and maybe more idk i just want to be social so bad.

like truly i am a social person i love being social and doing stuff and getting to know different people but i am held back by my autism and my fears and anxieties that make it near impossible to do stuff and it is so so frustrating and isolating cuz it’s my own fault that i am so alone and lonely

idek where to start in being in a bigger community but i rlly want to be involved with others and i also want to just kind of be involved in community building and work in the future n just yeah i need to work on myself socially so i’m capable of the things i want most but i just can’t seem to even be a decent person to the ppl in my life so i’m kind of thinking a bit wistfully

[yoasty]

parks and rec is CRAZY because wdym you're here to tax someone's genitals

[urspecialfall]

How can you blame disasters on the wind if you opened the window?

[mikotobackbreaker]

Oughhhhhhhhh not the fusion

[the-cacophony-collective]

We just had a really weird night with our friend. They found out they were a system because we started explaining our systemhood and how it all started for us. So they started switching rapidly (they have really quick switches). Something happened between our alters and one of their alters. Idk. It feels weird having another system and I don't know if we believe them? I don't even know who I am really. We also switched a lot because seeing them switch made us feel switchy. Anyways were going to bed now. Wish us luck.

[baezen]

i need to sleep but i updated my theme instead

[pleaseevangeline]

the silence after i fucking relapse like a fucking loser who can't control herself