#since when did i call us we?
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Some people might get mad at me for saying this, but I wish I could make my headmates more distinct.
I say this for many reasons. One, it gets very difficult to function when I'm in this constant blurry form. To add onto that, my personality fluxes so much that doing anything is a coin flip and I'm unsure of anything at any given time. And sometimes the change gives me whiplash. Cause I can go from happy and loving life to ready to tear someone's head off. Or from doing something to completely over it. Not to mention the amount of times I catch myself off guard with the way I talk or text because it is completely different than normal.
It is also difficult to do things when its a struggle to communicate with them or to even know who is influencing me.
Not to mention, everyone, from what I can tell, agrees that Leo becoming host would be much better for us. But we can't because they aren't distinct enough to front, let alone switch hosts.
-Sorry if this was hard to read or doesn't make sense, I'm currently blurry af.
#did#pdid#did help#did question#pdid community#pdid blog#did osdd#did stuff#did system#dissasociative identity disorder#osdd#did blog#osdd system#osddid#partial dissociative identity disorder#god im so lost right now#idk who i am#since when did i call us we?#thats new#im probably just tired#its probably nothing
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I truly think that one of the biggest tragedies in BEAST in regards to the Akutagawa siblings is that, at the core of it, Ryuunosuke viewed himself as a beast, and showed his love in a way a beast would, while Gin was the only person who ever saw him as human and judged him accordingly. She did not see a beast acting like a beast, the way everybody else did, she saw a human acting like a beast and it’s part of what drove her away.
The ADA saw their rookie detective at his worst, and watched—and continues to watch—him grow from a beast to a human over time. Consumed by hatred and only knowing how to be cruel, and slowly learning how to become human.
Gin saw her brother at his best—the best he could be in their situation—and then watched him grow from a boy to a beast within moments. The scraps of humanity that he had, all disappearing into rage so primal it no longer made him seem human.
#I was unhappy when Gin called her brother a monster in that scene after all his efforts to find her again#because I was treating her like Canon! Gin and not by the different experiences they’ve lived#i always thought that saying that to him was cruel when she’s known him since they were in the slums#but the thing is. He did act like a monster. by human standards he was a monster to others#he mutilated and butchered people even as a child. even if it was done out of love#he had no regards to holding back his brutality and maimed people. even if we understand its cause of how he grew up#he slaughtered countless of mafiosos—perhaps even subordinates under Gin. people who were simply there at the wrong place at the wrong time#I think the dislike of BEAST Gin has greatly to do about perspective#she is not like Dazai or the reader who knows the circumstances or his mind#she is not like the ADA who saw Akutagawa at his worst#and lastly she is not like Atsushi who can understand her brother like he’s her other half. he’s not#akutagawa is effectively a stranger she used to know. someone she is familiar with and has tender feelings for#but not someone that she /knows/. he is not someone that she /understands/.#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bsd akutagawa#ryuunosuke akutagawa#akutagawa ryunosuke#bsd gin#akutagawa gin#gin akutagawa#bungo stray dogs beast#beast#beast akutagawa#beast gin#bsd beast
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Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say we’re still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. That’s pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases “as well as other sicknesses” without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt “war flashbacks” for mentioning covid I fucking hate u
#source: most of my family members are nurses and it was so bad for one of them they had to be put on a ventilator. in the hospital they#worked at. looking back I think I had a reason to feel a little offput by the shows of support early pandemic#with people tying blue ribbons around trees and lighting signs blue to support healthcare workers#I get that it was supposed to be moral support when we couldn’t do anything but follow health advisories#and it did matter to make them feel uplifted and do something than nothing. im not gonna deny that#but. you can still help now. u know that right. you still have a responsibility here#u can still mask up. u can still get vaxxed and call in sick to avoid infecting others#don’t leave it on healthcare workers to pick up the pieces just because they were doing it before. do u think they had a choice?#nobody likes picking up the slack for someone else and now that we have more tools to do smth couldn’t we just. do it????#im not a virologist but i also feel like continuing to let it get worse by letting more mutations develop#could continue to set us back since this virus is pretty good at fucking us up long term and finding new ways to do that#while there are ppl still researching covid which is STILL A RELATIVELY NEW VIRUS. and studying possible treatment and cures#yapping#vent
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When you're one of the most selfish mc who only saves people because it's part of a job you never wanted and did not get to chose or you would've died, who took your co-workers' morals and ideals because you didn't have any and desperately wanted to fit in somewhere, be it with the heroes or the villains, who's activelly haunted by one the most tragic past to have been created and suffer from a psychosis so bad (dare I say schizophrenia) that even your enemies acknowledged that you are mentally ill and objectively flawed in your judgement, never hesitated to try to kill anyone and has the most egoistic reason to be a good person but the fandom still thinks you're just a kind crybaby "I don't know what a gun is" homosexual twink.

#him being refered as an angel by Shibuzawa is FUCKING IRONIC !!#ASAGIRI IS ALWAYS IRONIC WHEN IT COMES TO LIGHT NOVELS CENTERED AROUND ATSUSHI#Ex : The plot of 55min being parallele to the Decay of Angels arc#He's also called the Man-eating tiger and yes I do think that Dazai lied to him when he said he never ate anyone to preserve his psyche#and was also called “the man who can see the future” and has time travelled with Akutagawa like why aren't we talking about that#his relationship with Mori is also actually good#Mori is one if not the only character who saved and helped Atsushi during their first meeting and kept good contacts with him#because yes Atsushi has seen Mori knowing that he was the pm boss off-screen and they had a normal exchange#I also think that Shibuzawa Atsushi and Fyodor are connected to a form of Holy Trinity#Believer/God/Angel or Messenger#Joseph/Jesus/Mary#or Fyodor and Atsushi as Jesus and Judas#but the instance of trinity in bsd are dare I say extreme#Oda/Ango/Dazai#Sigma/Fyodor/Nikolai#Atsushi/Akutagawa/Kyoka#and so on#and the whole situation around his ability which is unlike any other#It turns him into Byakko (her own being) (similar to Natsume) and nullify his wounds no matter how lethal (similar to Dazai and Yosano)#and enhance him even with his ability off making him constantly stronger than other characters and dare I say equal to the hunting dogs#yk the MODIFIED humans#and the plot of both 55mins and Dead Apple being around abilities and giving us Atsushi lore make me think that Atsushi and Byakko are 1/2#probably a sort of higher being since some abilities are very religious centered (how Fyodor sees abilities and Shibuzawa) 2/2#but I think it would lend toward a “sinner” position which would be crazy because that Atsushi would then probably be the reason why Fyodor#hates abilities so much if Atsushi and Byakko are somehow be connected to the “sin” of abilities#and so you guys know Atsushi's orphanage was a church so yes he's related to christianity#and the Decay of Angels is LITTERALY full of religious people to different degrees#and it would be ironic (once again) if the antagonists were the “Angels” and the protagonist a demon#I just realized that I did a lot of typos sorry I got too excited#but yeah keep calling bsd bad written (we're on barely chap.115 no good manga was finished by chap.115 guys just wait for the rest to drop)
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“We need more morally gray characters” you guys can barely handle topaz and jade.
#yeah I said it#hsr#Honkai star rail#topaz hsr#topaz and numby#jade#jade hsr#hsr Jade#hsr topaz#like they’re not good but their not mustache twirling villains y’all#yes topaz did mess up by not telling bronya the actual success rate if she accepted the deal#but you have to remember she was indoctrinated since she was a kid that the ipc was good and that those who surrendered to its power will#succeed and thrive#hell they may have used examples like boothills home planet as warnings#of course she would think the ipc is good and will#help jarillo#her home planet was on the brink of collapse when the ipc came and it was quite literally life saving#even though it did mean robbing the future of a population to work for them topaz so grateful for the ipc and sees it as a way to pay back#you guys are forgetting that she was willing to sacrifice her position and that she was happy the planet could be independent#now we don’t know much about jade but she doesn’t go seeking out desperate people#those people come to her and accept those deals knowing full well every detail and it’s cost#she may get some pleasure from it sure but she’s just doing business with people#and yet I see people view them as villains and yet not call out aventurine with helping the ipc take control of penacony#he’s a victim yes but so is topaz when it comes to the ipc manipulating them#topaz has good Intentions and is just following what she has been taught since childhood#look I love aventurine I really do but he’s not pure and at the end of the day both him and topaz are people they are flawed#they’re not completely bad or good#sorry it was mainly about topaz we don’t know much about jade and I might change my mind on her when we do
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Okay so I've seen it a few times now and there are people who genuinely believe the Squid Sisters have the least content out of every group. I mean, I get forgetting Deep Cuts but the Squid Sisters do have as much as Off The Hook. Sure, OTH is starting to look like favorites now but the SS aren't left behind. Here's an itemized list:
They're in every main story mode. They have three whole games about them. The concept of story mode revolves around them. Just because they aren't proactive in them doesn't make it not count. Their quips and banter are what made us care and learn about them. It did flesh them out. They don't have to actively help to be main characters and receive development. The only game you could argue that is Splatoon 3 but it has a writing problem in general. It did close their story, subtle but interesting and well-written (for what Splatoon is), across the three games.
A short story. They're the only ones who have that. That has insane development, providing a lot of details about them. Like, that's a MAJOR thing that's lore-dumping so many things.
They're in almost every concert. They're in all but two concerts. They're canon too. This gives them a lot of presence in the franchise.
Lots of illustrations. Makes sense. Of course they are with how long they've been around. Still an important sign that they're a major part of the franchise (obviously, the main story is about them). It's always nice to see them in different situations anyways. They also get some lore out of them, fleshes them out and whatever. Which brings me to my next point.
Different outfits. It's not only giving us a sense of how they dress, but it's telling a story. Said it before but, for example, we know Marie likes dressing up for Story Mode and be a mentor of some sort. If you pull that string, you can get that she's someone who puts on a façade depending on the occasion and likes teaching/guiding people, her idea of mature and cool is a traditional outfit from her hometown.
Special Fest variants. Yes, they all do. However, the thing that differentiates them is that this is outside their game and, even though they were mostly reskins, they did get fully new outfits and hairstyles which neither other groups did.
Technically, they got a DLC. Even if it's the old hub and basically promo for Side Order.
They're in Smash Bros. That's not nothing. They're not spirits, they're full-on assist trophies. They better be in it honestly, but it's still something they have over the other two groups. It solidifies their status in the franchise.
Many songs, including remixes. Obviously, but they're also on the Splatfest list which never happened before outside of special events. They started it in Splatoon 2's Final Fest and started it in Splatoon 3's regular Fests. They're trend setters! Which leads me to...
Boss Fight. Final Boss, even. Callie started it. Literally. She fought us. The fact that she was The Final Boss™ puts her above the others. They wish they were her.
Solos. They did it first. They've also got not one but two mash-ups of their solos so it gotta count. I would argue that theirs are special too as they're meant to be solo pieces while the Anarchy Poisons are always put together be it on the soundtrack or the concerts. They were made to, and it's lovely, as Deep Cut's continuing the trend OTH's set: a united group that values each other and their work over fame. Their music is made to be together. Anarchy Rainbow and its Poisons is just that, something that's all of them, always. They were also fused in every live version, and the in-game live version, unlike Tide Goes Out and Bomb Rush Blush. These were forcefully mashed up as each sang over the other, desperately trying to drown out their will and win this fight. It's only now, years later, that they get an unexpected mash-up, joyful and harmonious —which in a way is a part of their story, them reclaiming this song as they bring their solos together. The Squid Sisters are working for themselves, they now do whatever they want with their careers and what they sing, how they sing, when they sing is up to them and only them.
They're the end credits of every game. Special mention to Splatoon 3 that just sacrifices its own idol group for them. Unlike Splatoon 2, Deep Cut was involved in Story Mode and for all the 10 minutes they spent in it, the end credits should have been theirs as they sure as hell didn't get a DLC. Their equivalent was a last minute addition at that, unceremoniously added later on without much spotlight. Jeez, they could have had a second collab song instead or something!
They've got the final battle song for every game. Makes sense because it's their story and their games, it's the culmination of their work every single time. Unlike the credits, they at least shared the spotlight with Deep Cut... Hey, if Marie's their boss, doesn't that make her a part of their group or vice-versa? She better be, she's the one handling their paperwork after all (poor woman, it's a mess too and they're not spending wisely. Shouldn't have been talking about becoming a manager, Marie, you're getting roped up in too much silliness and Callie won't help).
Participation in 2 Final Fests. By that, I mean actually having a team and representing it. Otherwise, they're involved in every Final Fest.
Merch. I mean why wouldn't they have some?? But it had to be added. Special note for the concert CD and special edition. I guess I'd put there the interview bit Marie conducted in Splatoon 3's soundtrack bonuses. That's another bit of trivia/insight on her work. The Nintendo Magazine interviews also count as they're relevant to their characters.
Their song is a major part of their world and franchise. Calamari Inkantation has a special place in the lore and the franchise. It's THE song but also THEIR song.
4 amiibos. They might not give their outfits (which I kinda like because I'm not fond of how they did it for the others) but they give out gear related to their story, the game, and that we should have gotten. At least they're fixing that flaw I guess.
Storyline during the Splatfests. Not sure if it should be added but it did culminate into long lasting conflict between the two of them and started their storyline. Since it's missing in Splatoon 3, I think it should be noted. It fleshes them out and makes them feel a bit more alive, like they're affected by the results.
Most of these could apply to Off The Hook too. My point is that the Squid Sisters haven't been neglected, not from Nintendo's point of view. They're more than included, arguably the stars of Splatoon 1 and 3. The thing is that Off The Hook is the fan favorite right now so most of our attention is on them, not the others. The Squid Sisters have also been so ingrained in the franchise that we're used to it. We readily accepted they would be the stars of Splatoon 3 because they took over most of Splatoon 2 until Octo Expansion. We assumed the other two groups would get DLCs, or that Deep Cut would be involved in OTH's like in the Main Story, only to realize that Nintendo didn't give a damn and gave the spotlight to OTH alone in an attempt to replicate what Splatoon 2 did. Obviously, once we got over Side Order, we kinda realized this was unfair and that there was favoritism. It didn't help that OTH was featured in regular battles and that Splatoon 2 and 3 handled Splatfests differently, with special events and work done to the idols. We've come a long way since the first game, which itself had changed plenty during its time, so it feels unfair that the Squid Sisters didn't benefit from what the others got or for as long. That doesn't mean they didn't get a lot and weren't the favorites for a long time.
Now, I'm gonna address the thing that made me write this in the first place:
They do have a story and development. Just because it wasn't in your face doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Up until Splatoon 3, the story wasn't as obvious as it could be when it came to the idols. Marina's background is clear-cut, because you cannot be too subtle about it, but apart from some big lines, it wasn't directly stated, nor was her development in Octo Expansion (it's heavily linked to Agent 8 and the Octavian but the fact that she comes to be comfortable in what species she is and overcomes her fear of being found out and rejected should count as a story). She's fascinating and it's important to the world.
But that doesn't leave the Squid Sisters flat and boring. They had an arc! Them slowly resenting each other because of their time as Splatcast anchors, because they were always pit against each other, because of the way being an idol works, is a story in itself. It was bad enough to get Callie to free Octavio, who's a terrible, dangerous person as far as she knew then, and go to the Octarians, poor, underground enemies. The Hypno-Shades are more like heavily suggesting you to obey, we know that Callie had some sort of free will to put glitter, of all things, into their ink. She also was fully conscious of her actions when freeing Octavio, and we know this guy isn't a mastermind and world class manipulator. Marie wasn't doing much better, working a lot and being stressed. Fame drove them apart and broke Callie down to the point of going to people who wanted hers dead. She freed a war criminal. Once Marie saved her, mostly from her own despair, they decided to do their own thing. They didn't need fame or their careers. Family was more important. Tidal Rush was their solos crashing against each other, not listening and trying to sing over the opponent, until Marie blasted on a song that meant the world to them. The hymn of sea kind. The song that they won that fateful contest with when they were young, the reason why their dream came true. The song that they sang when safinf their dear grandpa, powerful enough to make Octolings give up everything and try to join the surface. A beautiful memory. Something that was theirs. And so they sang. Together. "I remember everything!" The innocent days they practiced for the contest, the terrifying ride to Inkopolis, the nervousness of their first Splatcast. But they were together. She wasn't alone. Marie had always been on her side. Neither of them wanted this. If it had been up to them, nobody would have compared them to each other. They wouldn't have been choices for their last Splatfest. It's a certain kind of cruel to ask which of the two teenage girls was the better one. Callie wasn't angry at Marie, she was angry at the system. She felt awkward, self-conscious, worthless because of her status as a celebrity, because she as a person didn't matter. Her comfort? Who cares. Take the photos, sing the songs, be careful to be perfect. She was overworked, isolated, and the only person she could count on was put in the same position and told she was a competitor.
Fresh Start is the two of them reconnecting away from show business. Going back to their roots. They stop being idols afterwards, they don't sing much anymore. They get their own careers. Callie slowly finds the strength to be in the spotlight after so long and goes back to acting, unlike Marie this seems to be more of her thing. Marie keeps on with her podcast, now using it to hype Callie up. Splatoon 3 even shows us that Callie is some sort of spokesperson, announcing that an Inkopolis stage will undergo reconstruction. She's rebuilding her career on her own and making it her own. The Squid Sisters, while some of the most people in the world, weren't recognized in the Splatlands. Sure, Shiver and Frye probably didn't give a damn about Inkopolis musicians but Big Man is a fan, he's even showed them their music, and he still didn't recognize them. They're known for their music, their names possibly for themselves. Splatoon 3 is the only game not to give them a story, even its details don't imply much. But the previous two games did.
It's a story of two girls who got famous too soon, too suddenly, and got eaten by showbusiness. It's two young women taking their power back and breaking free from the idol life. It's a family that managed to heal from the damage fame caused over the years.
I dunno but I think it's beautiful and I'm a sucker for stories that criticize being an idol and family coming together. The Squid Sisters' entire thing was being idols, that's their entire concept, especially identical ones which is dehumanizing enough. It's fitting and not something you'd expect out of Splatoon of all places but it's the kind of franchise that gets surprisingly deep and dark in its smallest details.
No, they're not neglected or underdeveloped. Their story is there, just not as flashy as you'd expect. Their presence is something we're so used to that we don't clock it anymore, moreso when the other group gets attention too. Splatoon 3 didn't handle the writing well, as fun and silly as it gets, and it shows in a lot of ways. It's easy to go "so what was the point of the Squid Sisters being there?" when the story didn't bother doing anything with them for once but they weren't the only one neglected nor did they not get content in other ways!
#text#ondina's text posts!#splatoon#splatoon 3#squid sisters#marie cuttlefish#callie cuttlefish#splatoon 2#to clarify I do love them a bunch and will miss them!#I'm not saying they should get less; just that we need to acknowledge how much they get#it's okay for them not to be in the spotlight anymore#it's okay for them to be pushed aside to focus on the new groups#because now nothing has been set up if we're gonna continue with OTH or DC#it's not like they will disappear either if they're not front and center#at least Splatoon 2 didn't pretend it didn't focus on them and didn't force them with OTH when it was their turn!#I think Splat3 missed the mark with the pairing it had set up#imagine one of the SS being annoyed that DC keeps stopping them from saving their grandpa or angry they're not taking their idol job serious#ly like genuinely annoyed that Frye calls it a side hustle and that she doesn't care about it#maybe a bit in a “with everything it did to us you dare think it's nothing? you think it's easy?”#or all about the fans that got them here#hell maybe even use the fact that DC is basically nepo babies#at least Pearl WORKED for it since childhood#DC is a trio of descendants from influencial families that are in charge of Splatfests#I think antagonizing DC a little more would have made them more villainous and been a decent sideplot#add some spice to ROTM and show us a different side to the two groups!#DC is already showing them so why not show us a little more about the SS and maybe even something a little less pretty/agreeable?#we've already seen some of it
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I EXCHANGED NUMBERS WITH MY CRUSH!! AND!! He joined my and 2 friends/coworkers for dinner after originally turning us down. And the way he decided to join us?? Was by calling me and asking if we were at the bar we’d mentioned and if it was ok for him to join 🥰🥰
#kat liveblogs her life#i finally have his number!!!#ALSO!!#i literally did not sleep last night so i’m coasting on#*on 32+ hours of no sleep rn#when my coworker asked if i wanted to go out i immediately was like NO!!#but then he kept needling and i finally caved#and our other coworker took pity on me since i was so tired so agreed to come#and we invited jon bc he was in the office#he sounded tempted but then turned us down#he offered to walk with us but then his boss needed to talk to him so he sent us off on our own#but then once we were all settled i looked at my phone and realized i had a missed call AND a text from him#so!!!#im too fucking into him guys#I GAVE UP SLEEP FOR HIM!!
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My absolute hottest trigun-specific hot take is that Badlands Rumble is probably the reason we're never getting a 1:1 Trimax adaptation
#trigun but also discourse :( sorry guys :((#when you see Nightow's comments about Vash's characterization warning potentetial new readers that Vash is different from the anime (98)#plus that mildly disastrous panel interview where he had to directly call out the VA for BLR saying Vash secretly wanted violence#and then that *other* interview after the film's release where he says that the main series was over#and that the only way there'd be more Trigun content was if someone wanted to do something wildly different#I genuinely suspect he was kinda disappointed in how people tried to make Vash fit into a standard archetype#and since the og wasn't locally popular at the time it might have ended up rotting away in obscurity like Outlaw Star :((#Like if he didn't clearly love western comics use of alt timelines/AU's/reboots we might've never seen more Trigun again#could've ended up like it did for Clamp where there was just a huge dry period after a spat of bad adaptations#except the dry period would never ever end and the series would be one of those “Hey do you remember this?? At all???” things#not putting this in the main tag because it's kinda mean to 98 fans (and the 5 hardcore fans for BLR)
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I don’t really talk about it much on here because I’m extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly what’s going on in my body, but it’s scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers don’t really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. it’s scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you don’t know how to start filling yourself back up. you’ve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.
I don’t know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout that’s years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesn’t come from worry but you’ll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that you’re PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect I’m not the only one.
I’ve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but it’s overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. I’ve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything that’s happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me it’s gonna be okay.
I don’t know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because it’s hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. I’d do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I don’t think it’s strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that they’re never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what they’ve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.
and the same goes with all of you. we’re bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we don’t mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and I’m sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. it’s what they’ve always longed for isn’t it?
#thoughts after how worried I’ve been recently. since june I think#I’d love to start a conversation in this fandom about the connection im newly discovering between burnout and mental illness and fatigue#in a way we can be positive about these things and be there for each other without calling anyone to confirm if we interpret some songs#to represent experiences that may or may not be theirs because it doesn’t matter in the end. we have these songs and if you get it you get#we’ve all been clocked as ‘not feeling very well’ recently anyway so. it doesn’t need to be specific. but we do need to be kind#like hey. artist. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through to have written these songs that mean this to me. but I’m here for you#fill in the blanks. all we’ve got are our stories to share. I hope mine helps us understand and be a little kinder to those who need it#without thinking we can judge who we think needs it. but rather default to kindness and in the case of musicians etc that means patience#it means we learn together. what it means to connect and have boundaries and the boundaries they might like to have#anyway I’ve not said who these songs are by so if you reblog and wanna tag another artist that’s g I’ve got a few by several others as well#but I know this fandom. I know this band and I know exactly why I worry for each band member though I’m not gonna say here. just. take care#5 seconds of summer#5sos#luke hemmings#ashton irwin#calum hood#michael clifford#exact experience of burnout I have talked about is that of someone with adhd and a pda profile and some form of bipolar#which may be a product of pda profile things or not. these aren’t the only diagnoses I’d likely fit but they are the ones that explain the#story and have guided me to understand how to recover and I’m doing that bit by bit. and if you want me to tell you how please ask#but I’m not advertising it cause that’s weird I’d sound like a scammer if I did. even if when I’m hypomanic I think I can heal everyone
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Whenever I feel bad about symptoms from my illnesses, I think of my sibling's horse growing up, whose name was Batman and who was so allergic to grass he had to be wrapped up like a christmas present every summer to prevent rashes. I don't know if that makes me feel better exactly, but if Batman could cope and continue to mosey around like the gentle old man he was, then maybe I can cope with being completely bedridden certain days.
#idk ANY english horse terms but if you google gotlandsruss thats the type of horse he was#he was such a sweet darling we have no idea who gave him the name Batman of all things#he came to us when he was 14#most of the horses we had when i grew up were named by us since they were born in our stables#but then you get the occasional ones such as Batman or Duchess Kash#(idk what the sport is called in english. harness racing? anyway thats the type of horse duchess was)#as the name implies she was a huge diva. super sweet with me and my sibling though! an angel!#which just proves she knew how to behave with others she just chose not to <3 just like Mirka#god i miss horses. and i miss harness racing. but mostly i just miss cuddling with horses and tending to them#on one hand its nice to not have to worry so much for their well being. and it IS a lifestyle or at least it was for me.#sometimes i dream of having like 2 or 3 shetland ponies just to dote on and go out with on walks#or like 2 swedish ardennes to put a cart behind like mom did with willmar a couple years back#those are so iconic for their long history in my village. not the only place of course. but its still so notable here#maybe one day who knows.......#im rambling idk why#silvi talks
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Okay yeah getting high and chilling in the office/craft room and listening to my current musical obsession is a fantastic time and I forgot how nice it is getting high and existing somewhere other than my bed
#I really can't wait til I have my own desk setup in here#still unpacking and shit cuz ya know I don't have a lot of free time for this kind of thing#but I'm working on it now and I'm gonna try working on it as long as I can#so here's hoping I get a lot done today#I already did a fair bit condensing my large glass bottles#I put a bunch in a pretty decorative box that matches the theme of this room#so our bedroom is a lavender color and we're primarily doing white and black accents with other shades of purple too#monochromatic peacefulness (neither of us has had a colorful bedroom ever so we're greatly enjoying this)#and the downstairs room is gonna be wanderlust themed#like holy fuck I cannot wait this is my fucking JAM#I have ALWAYS wanted a wanderlust themed space#my husband actually had the primary say on the bedroom wall color bc I wanted the craft room to be green#so we made a compromise and since purple is his fave color we were able to get a gorgeous color called water hyacinth#so I get my wanderlust room :D#I've been collecting wanderlust decor for AGES and have a lot of fabric of the same theme in monochromatic colors#so we can tie the two rooms together that way (with awesome throw pillows made by moi)#anyways I have so many goddamn map patterned things it's not even funny#I'll definitely show the space off when I can
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We are in the final stretch in act 3 of our bg3 multiplayer session!!!! Like for real the final area lol, and we had our messy toxic break up with the emperor lol. He AND orpheus called us out for having slept with the emperor and then defying him☠️ And I screamed when Orpheus said bc like. Why could he tell that much info by SMELLING IT ON US LOL 😭😭😭
#he said something like. u smell like illithid. and i thought oh ok he smells the tadpole in our eye-#then he was like. you’ve LAIN with one 😒 and I was like HOW DID YOU KNKW JUST BY SMELLING 😭😭😭#anyway I also started screaming when the emperor called himself our KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR#EWWWW LMAO BROTHER YOU ARE SO CRINGE FOR THAT#LITERAL WHITE KNIGHTING ☠️#and like. spoilers obviously. but when we chose to free orpheus he was like AFTER EVEYTHING WEVE BEEN THROUGH. OKAY IM JOINING ELDER BRAIN.#like bitch….. that didn’t take long at all huh……….#anyway now we gotta go fight the elder brain AND our toxic ex 😒#but also I was the one who did the free orpheus cutscene#and had the break up convo LOL#so now orpheus is my controlled familiar which STRESSES ME OUT I DONT WANNA BE IN CHARGE#TBH one of us should’ve just gone illithid since we are multiplayer anyway#i don’t think I’m gonna wanna do it in a solo game lol!!!#but we had orpheus do it 😔😭#but we are already talking about doing a new multiplayer with a dark urge player#so idk maybe one of us will do it next time lol
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hey general public. if someone is fostering your cats for you while you're between homes + you were unexpectedly homeless for like 3 weeks + you haven't been able to get to housing that will allow your pets to come with you yet, and you're in regular contact with that someone discussing those cats and paying for their care needs, and then that someone messages you saying they decided they're just going to keep your pets because they decided that's what's best for them, that's stealing, right? that's stealing? the general public of reasonable people in the world agree that that is theft? yes?
that's what these bitches did to my godsister fuck them!!! but they got threatened with criminal theft charges and handed them over ^_^ and my aunt already pressed trespassing charges on them lol. but when I texted them to yell at them about it they lied saying they never stole any cats but like. what they did was stealing. my mom had to take it all the way up to the police but I kind of don't feel bad because it was their own damn fault. I hope their lives aren't ruined forever but I do hope they learn what a consequence is
#talk tag#FUCK THESE BITCHES!!!!!!! FUCK EM TO HELL!!!!!#and i'm not convinced they weren't trying to kill my dogs either!! honestly!!#maybe they genuinely have no fucking foresight.#but they put cinder blocks behind the door in my dog's shelter so the door wouldn't open anymore#and that made it harder for my cousins who i hired as carers to actually go care for them#and they weren't even supposed to be on my aunt's property anymore anyway!!!!!#only reason they were ever supposed to go over there at all is bc originally we trusted them with the pet care while we were between homes#and we shouldn't have. they did an awful job and left all the animals in their own filth#they had my big sister's cat locked in a cramped carrier in her own filth for days!!!#and she was telling them to check on her and let her out but no#but since they were doing an awful job and the animals shelter got filthy bc they didn't bother with cleaning up#which was part of the pet care they were trusted with#they threatened to call animal control on us if we didn't fix it. i mean we did fix it but what the hell#we trusted you to care for them and you're threatening us for something YOU DID???#i mean we fixed it and fired them. my big sister's cat is fine now.#but we fired them and we told them to quit going over there. but they kept going over there#looking for the rest of my godsister's cats i guess 🙄 when they weren't welcome there my aunt never liked them#but they kept going over there!! and they blocked the entrance to my dogs' fully finished shelter with cinder blocks#and climbed out the window and said NOTHING to the people i actually entrusted their care to#and then 5 days later they called the humane society to my aunt's house.#if it was just to keep the wind from blowing open the door why not say something?#are you just that stupid?#do you lack that much foresight?#were you hoping my cousins wouldn't think of entering through the window?#the timing is just suspicious because if they couldn't get in there to care for them my dogs would've died of thirst at least#but they called the humane society to my aunt's house hoping to get us for animal neglect so they could keep the cats they stole i guess.#but they lied.#when the officer came out to my aunt's for the investigation he actually praised the set up we had. so.#and don't bring my fucking aunt and her animals into this fuck you!!!!
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i think Simon is the kinda guy who doesnt cuss much. so like when he Does cuss it gets everyone's attention
#or at least if he's cussing most of the time he's doing it in asl so anyone who doesnt know it/isnt paying attention wont notice#he doesnt cuss Out Loud that often#anyway a lil bit of Gutsfics Lore: i was raised. somewhat mormon? mormon enough to not like saying Bad Words while we were still members#anyway when i was in like 4th grade i think we Really started to pull away from the church bc my dad being gay. thats not the important par#but like since i was realising that parts of the church were bs (bc a bunch of people just suddenly flipped on us bc of my dad)#i thought hey maybe the church is Wrong about a lot of things. maybe i WONT go to Hell if i say ass instead of butt#so like one day at lunch we were talking about something idr what but i think i called it like “shit” or something#not even one of the worst cuss words. but EVERYONE at the the table went quiet for a few seconds b4 being like#“HOLY FUCK THE JESUS GIRL SAID SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”#it was awesome :]#i meaaaaan. technically that wasnt the first time i cussed bc i once jokingly said that something was “from hell”#& defended that by saying i was using it the way its used in the bible#the mormon friend i said it to Did get mad at me though#anyway there is ABSOLUTELY a moment where the first time Si drops a Fuck Bomb everyone stops and goes “wtffffffff”#it happens during Ace arc he tells Asher to Shut The Fuck Up when he resigns from the comittee <3
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