#don’t leave it on healthcare workers to pick up the pieces just because they were doing it before. do u think they had a choice?

[puppppppppy]

Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say we’re still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. That’s pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases “as well as other sicknesses” without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt “war flashbacks” for mentioning covid I fucking hate u

[kaqeyamas]

♡ —  folklore plots.

okay so, i just wanted to take a moment to make sure it’s known that these plots aren’t direct interpretations of the songs on taylor’s new album. they’re just ideas that i came up with based on little pieces of each song, or while listening to it!

The 1

give me a plot where muse a & muse b are exes. their relationship was actually pretty decent, despite muse b never showing enough attention or affection, hence why even after a year or two of being separated, muse a is still hung up on the other, and kind of searching for them in every new relationship and behind every corner. they were convinced they were the one, and seeing them again certainly hasn’t made that feeling go away at all??

Cardigan 

“but i know you, dancing in your levi’s, drunk under a streetlight” and i’m just picturing this pair of friends who have always kind of gotten into trouble, who were absolutely the type in high school to sneak out to get drunk and wander around town together, whether it lead to drunkenly adventuring the sidewalks of random streets in town, drinking and dancing along the way, or finding themselves at the local lake with half a bottle as they talk about everything and anything under the moon. they were literally like... night owls and that’s when their friendship really existed?? and maybe as adults, they haven’t seen each other in ages and when they do all of these old memories come back like “wow i was never that happy with anyone else??”

The Last Great American Dynasty 

toxic toxic toxic. these two bring out the absolute worst in one another, but one thing is certain -- the only way they were ever going to escape was if one of them died. muse a comes from money, and lives as such. expensive drinks, and infidelity. muse b is made into a monster in the town’s eyes, because they know of their partner’s cheating and they’re rightfully angry and upset, but they stick it out, because the money is too good to pass up on. it’s messy, and they’re constantly fighting, but when things are good? they’re so good. almost good enough to forget the bad. 

Exile 

muse a was growing restless in a relationship that felt like it was going nowhere, and muse b was oblivious to it, until it was too late. now muse a has a new partner, and muse b can’t stand it. but neither of them can truly shake the idea that they’re meant to be together -- muse b just needs to do something about it.

My Tears Ricochet 

i’m just not writing this one out because i honestly can’t think of anything that’s not super toxic, and that’s not my cup of tea. (TLGAD already is pushing it; sorry y’all!)

Mirrorball 

muse a has never truly felt like they fit in anywhere, until muse b shows up. they aren’t exactly sure what it is about them, but just being around them makes muse a want to be somebody completely new. whoever muse b would be interested in. making jokes to get noticed. wearing flashy outfits to keep their attention. but, at the end of the day, muse b thinks they’re perfect just as they are. this has super soft vibes and i’ll accept nothing less. 

Seven 

picture this -- they’re seven years old, and next door neighbors. fighting off monsters and building forts in their living rooms. their parents think they’re going to end up getting married when they’re older, and that probably would have been true, if muse b hadn’t switched schools senior year. fast forward ten years, and they run into muse a in their home town and every good memory comes flooding back because best friend love never dies.

August 

this is nothing more than a summer fling. (or is it??) muse a and muse b get to spend three months together, wrapped in the sheets and enjoying the sunshine together. making memories and ignoring the reality that they couldn’t last once the season ended (maybe one of them had to go back home in august) but they made those three months count in every moment. smiles and love songs and fall came in and stole it all away. (make it angstier by saying this fling only happened because muse b had broken up with their significant other before the fling started but by august, they want them back, leaving muse a heartbroken)

This is Me Trying 

muse a and muse b were head over heels. madly in love, and destined for it all. the big house, the happy family, wedding bells and all. until one drunken night, muse b makes the mistake of cheating on their partner. but they know they fucked up, and they’re not about to let the worst mistake they’ve ever made ruin the best thing in their life. they won’t go down without a fight, and if it takes apologizing for the rest of their life, they’d do it, just to get muse a back. lots of angst, and super sad. honestly?? i want this to make me cry.

Illicit Affairs 

make my whole life and give me a cheating plot. but not the kind of cheating plot that’s built on toxicity and mindless decisions!!! muse a is married and unhappy with somebody that doesn’t treat them right. maybe it’s abusive, maybe it’s just empty and the passion isn’t there? cue muse b, who lives down the street and has always made a point to wave and smile when they spot muse a outside, and their friendship builds to the point of sleeping together on accident. but it’s not a one time thing, or meaningless. they fall into bed because when they’re together, it’s the first time muse a has felt alive in ages, and suddenly they’re in a whirlwind romance, sneaking around to hook up and share little moments together. muse a feels guilty and shameful, muse b hates putting them in this position but is too attached to stop, and they both know that muse a’s marriage is going to implode if they get caught. -- but that’s not enough for them to give up. (make it interesting -- let them get caught?? END THE MARRIAGE!! give me angst.)

Invisible String 

you guessed it. this is a soul mates plot, and i’m not even sorry. muse a and muse b have never truly met, but their lives have always overlapped. whether it’s crossing one another in the grocery store, or sitting in a resturant at the tables that face one another. sitting in the same movie theater on opposite ends, or accidentally getting one another’s coffee at the local starbucks. after too many run ins, it’s impossible to ignore the similarities and the coincidences, and they decide to spend an evening together, getting to know one another -- and to nobody’s surprise -- they’re a perfect fit. muse a gets all of muse b’s jokes, and muse b likes all of muse a’s “flaws” and they’re just as dopey and gross as you’re probably imagining. 

Mad Woman

i’m not writing this one either.

Epiphany 

this one could go either way, and it’s entirely up to you and what fits your characters/what you feel most comfortable writing! muse a is either a soldier, or a healthcare worker. either way, they’ve both been through a lot, and seen more loss than any person should. but in a seemingly bleak world, muse b exists. the reason muse a works so hard. whether it’s somebody to come home from, after being overseas (if muse a is in the army!) or squeezing in time between doubles after a four car pile up came into the hospital (if muse a is a healthcare worker!), muse b is there to hold them, and remind them that there are good things left in the world and they’re just so healthy. 

Betty 

i’m just here to hurt myself at this point, but !!! give me a couple that everyone thought would make it. years together, and completely wrapped up in one another. they’ve been dating since high school, and now they’re about to enter their last year of college. muse a went back home for the summer, while muse b stayed at their apartment near campus. they stayed in touch, but as the summer progressed, muse b heard from muse a less and less, only to find out that muse a had spent the summer with somebody back home. when muse a finds out, they end things, but immediately regret it -- even if they won’t admit it. they’re just praying that muse b will come to their senses and come back. meanwhile, muse b is just trying to find the courage to face them, knowing that they only made this mistake because they were young, and thought they were bored of the “same old thing” even though it turns out nothing could ever compare to muse a. suddenly they’re at muse a’s front door in the middle of the night, knowing and hoping that they’ll get the love of their life back. (will muse b actually accept, despite how much they miss them? or will they slam the door?? will it be awkward if they get back together? will the trust ever come back??)

Peace 

muse a has always struggled with money, but when they fell in love with muse b, they swore they’d do whatever they could to provide the best life for them. but words don’t pay the bills. no matter how hard they work, it feels like they’re always struggling to keep their heads above the water. while the late fees build up, however, there’s no denying that their relationship is based on the purest love. the kind of love that leaves a person speechless. muse a would do anything for muse b, and vice versa. muse a constantly feels as though the other deserves better, because they want to give them more. give them everything, and they just can’t. but they don’t realize that for muse b, their love is enough. 

Hoax 

alright, so... this one’s not healthy. but, i’m writing it anyways because i’m in love with this idea?? SO muse a and muse b have been on and off for years. they’re always finding ways to hurt each other, whether it’s flashing their newest fling in the other’s face during the breaks, or picking fights for fun when they’re still together. when it’s bad, it’s so bad. but when it’s good, it’s so good, in ways that only make sense to one another, because no matter how many people they sleep with or relationships they break, they always find their way back to one another, convinced that there’s not a single person that understands them the way they do. they’d rather be angry and fight than be without one another. no matter how many times they call it quits, their hearts belong to each other and nobody can even begin to compare. make this more interesting by developing growth!! make them realize it’s not healthy! make them realize what they want, and that they have to work to have it! sacrifices and affection! real love! not just passionate sex and pillow talk secrets. not just years of history, but the effort to make it work because wasting times on their silly game just isn’t working anymore!

[tact-and-impulse]

With These Hands Chapter 11

Look, I say we’re ending 2020 with affection and fluff! Also, now that I know what it’s like working in a hospital, I can write this AU better, and this episode has heavy influence from my first night call shifts. For my fellow healthcare workers, because this was...a year. Here’s to staying safe in 2021!

The rest of this chapter is under the cut or on FF.net and AO3

Chapter 11: Endurance

Admittedly, Kenshin’s stomach dropped when he saw her. She was limp in her chair, arms dangling at her sides and her face turned away.

“Kaoru-dono?!” He rushed to her desk, panic overriding sensibility. But before he could touch her, her eyes snapped open and her right fist lashed out in a glancing blow that brought him to his knees. Acting on instinct, he latched onto the edge of her desk, elbow colliding with the hard surface. “Oro!”

At the contact, she blinked away her drowsiness. “Ken…shin? Oh, no! I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” She sat up, her fingertips brushing his aching cheekbone. The pain was already fading, and he resisted leaning in.

“This one is fine. It was this one’s fault, surprising you.” He managed to answer. Despite how his skin was buzzing, he was not going to behave like a hormonal teenager.

“I still shouldn’t have punched you.” She withdrew, her voice full of concern. “I hope it won’t bruise.”

“There have been worse hits that this one has taken, so don’t worry.” And on that same side as well, he ruefully thought. “Are you still working?” It was already past seven.

“I’m on night call.” Her explanation contained no small amount of misery. “And I had a meeting in the afternoon, so I only got an hour of sleep before I came here. It’s going to be a long Thursday night; at least, I have the weekend off. What about you?”

“This one is also in the same situation, filling in for a colleague who was supposed to work tonight. There was a family emergency, so this one is here instead.”

“Oh, good. Not that you have to work on short notice,” She hastily added. “But we can keep each other company.”

“That’s true. It will be easier to stay awake.” He would have been content to stay at her desk; he had nothing urgent at the moment. But she did, as signaled by her blaring pager. She mouthed an apology, before taking the call. Leaving her to her responsibilities, he drifted back to his spot across the room, to print his list of patients.

***

He was reading the interim notes on his patients when she commented.

“By the way, I forgot to mention earlier. I like your scrubs.”

“Oro?” The faded magenta met his downward gaze. “These are very old.”

“But you look so cheerful! The other male doctors stick to blue or black.”

“So did this one, in the past. However, brighter colors can be comforting or distracting for the children, so that’s something this one can do for them.”

“You also can pull it off, because you’re an attending.” She pointed out, and he laughed.

“There’s nothing wrong with navy either.”

“It’s not navy, it’s indigo.” Grinning, she tugged the front of her scrub top. “But it’s my favorite color.”

“It suits you very well.” Belatedly, he wondered if that was harassment, but she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she blushed. At the sight, his own face warmed.

“Thanks.” For a heartbeat, the only sound was the humming of their computers. Abruptly stretching her arms over her head, she declared. “I need coffee. The cafeteria’s closed, but do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“This one can join you.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you if you’re busy, and you can just text me.” They had already exchanged numbers, thanks to the group chat Misao had started for the workroom.

“No, it will be a long night and this one prefers not to stay in one spot.” He pocketed his pager and stood from his chair.

Her smile widened. “Yeah, I won’t argue with that. And I’m glad! It’s more fun with you.” Her blush had not faded, and his cheek tingled.

He replied honestly. “This one feels the same way.”

Unfortunately, the closest machine had its interior lights off and the glass front bore a paper sign. ‘Out of Order’ was written in large block letters, punctuated by a frowning face. If he had to guess, it appeared to be the handiwork of either Sano or Misao, perhaps even a joint effort.

“That’s a shame.” He said. “Should we search for another?”

“Sounds like a plan! Let’s hope the others are still functioning.”

Their workroom was at the injunction between the main building and the children’s hospital, so they had options. He allowed her to decide, and she headed for the pediatric side. She swiped her badge to access a corridor that was glass on both sides, from ceiling to floor.

“This part is one of the best, in my opinion. Well, at least during the day.” Outside, it was dark, except for the street lamps. Occasionally, a car zipped past on the road below, illuminating the surrounding greenery. But he understood her. When it was sunny, they were provided with a scenic view of the city beyond.

“Yes, it’s the closest we have to stepping out. It’s important to have something to look at, other than the interior of the building.”

“Right? I always feel more rejuvenated when I go through this way. Although, I do love the murals in the children’s hospital.”

“Which do you like best?”

“Hmm. I think the bamboo forest, on the sixth floor. The animals are cute, the pandas and the tanuki.”

“Also, because that is where shinai come from?” He innocently referred to her love for kenjutsu.

“Okay, a little bit.” But she laughed. “Well, which is your favorite?”

He already had an answer. “The fourth floor, with the countryside motif. It reminds this one of his childhood.”

“You were a country boy?”

“In the Kansai region, yes. However, it has been almost twenty years since this one lived there. This one doesn’t even remember the closest town. We did grow rice and vegetables, and there were some chickens.” He pieced together the fragmented memories. “But it was a very long time ago.”

“It must have, I couldn’t tell at all.” She was thoughtful, and he realized he might have shared too much. But she didn’t pry, instead asking. “Did you have any baby chicks?”

“Not that this one can remember.”

“That’s too bad.” Disappointment showed on her face.

He smiled. The image of Kaoru, cradling fluffy chicks in her arms, was sweet.

In a corner near an empty waiting area, they finally found a working vending machine. Kaoru cheered at its presence, peering within to decide on her snacks. She was terribly adorable, depositing her change and punching the buttons. Holding her coffee and a package of chocolate-covered biscuits, she beamed. “Alright, your turn!”

As she walked past, he caught the scent of jasmine flowers. Too subtle to be perfume, it must have been her shampoo. He thought it was pleasant.

“Kenshin? Aren’t you going to buy something?”

He jolted, realizing he hadn’t moved. “A-ah, yes.” Breathing deeply to settle his nerves, he chose a bottle of green tea, and the same cookies she picked. She had already opened her drink and sipped it as they walked back.

“Whew, I feel a lot better.”

“That’s good. You need your strength for the hours ahead.”

“Yeah. I still wish I had more sleep, but I just remind myself that at least, I’m not in one of the hospital beds. That was much harder.”

“And now, you’re here. Your patients are extremely fortunate to have you, because you understand what it must be like.”

Her blush had returned in full force. She nodded, before her brows drew together. “Wait-”

Overhead, the loudspeaker crackled, calling for a medical response team. They both stopped, listening attentively. The alert meant that a patient’s condition was deteriorating. He checked his list as the room number was announced. It did not belong to any of his charges, and judging from how Kaoru exhaled, it wasn’t any of hers either. But elsewhere, someone was struggling and their colleagues were doing everything they could to save them.

As they approached familiar walls, it was his pager’s turn to vibrate, and reluctantly, he excused himself.

***

After midnight, he had one emergency surgery, for a patient that had gone into hemorrhagic shock. Two hours later, he emerged from the operating room, the worst outcome kept at bay. He ordered for two units of blood, to be transfused if the patient was anemic, and headed back to the workroom.

Kaoru had her earbuds in, obviously engrossed. Upon his entrance, she removed them and greeted him. “Hey, Kenshin. How’d it go?”

“Well enough. The patient is stable for now, but this one will keep a close eye. Did you have any new admissions?”

“Just one in the emergency room, who’s waiting to be placed in a room, but it seems like a straightforward case. History of glycogen storage disorder, so I’ve been reading up.”

“This one didn’t realize articles were accessible on CD.” He had noticed the small player next to her keyboard, that had appeared in his absence.

“Oh, no, this is an audiobook. It’s an old one, I already know all the twists. I only replay it because of the narrator.” Her expression became very fond.

“Ah.” Inwardly, he was caught off guard, but he maintained a neutral face. “Is he a good actor?”

“I think she was. This book is one of my mother’s recordings, after all. Would you like to hear her?”

Somewhat embarrassed, he agreed, and she transferred the CD to her computer. Momentarily, a woman’s gentle voice filled the air. Her cadence and intonation were similar to Kaoru’s, and she switched between characters with impressive ease. It seemed to be an anthology of short stories.

“You were not wrong; her performance is wonderful.”

“I’m glad you think so! She’d be happy to hear that, if she were alive.” Kaoru clarified. “She had lupus, and she passed away from kidney failure when I was young. She couldn’t get a transplant in time. The Mirror Wing in the main hospital is named for her.” The dialysis unit was located there.

“You must miss her.”

“I do, but at least, I have Okaa-san in this way. Not many people can say the same.”

He definitely couldn’t. Then, the staccato beeps of her pager interrupted them again. He was beginning to dislike that particular ring.

By three in the morning, Kaoru was starting to falter. She was continuing to type on her computer, but her head nodded and she occasionally jolted, unconsciously trying to stay awake.

“Kaoru-dono.”

“Hmm?” Her gaze lifted, though not quite focusing.

“Please, get some rest. The work can wait.” He gently said. “This one can turn the lights off, if that would help.”

“Would you? That’d be really nice.” She murmured.

He flipped the switches, leaving the glow of his monitor. “If there was a bed, that would be better.”

“It’s okay. Hospital beds aren’t very comfy.” She certainly spoke from experience. She opened one of her desk drawers, taking out a spare surgical mask. “Please don’t tell anyone else in your department.”  Before he could inquire further, she proceeded to wear it over her face, and it was large enough to cover her eyes.

He had to stifle his laughter. “This one promises.”

It was uneventful afterwards, without beeping pagers or loudspeaker announcements. He lasted another hour and a half, before he felt the familiar pull of exhaustion. He logged off and sat back in his chair. He could never fully sleep while on the job. That was especially true now, with Kamiya Kaoru in the same room, softly breathing.

It was Director Kamiya who had offered him a place at Kamiya Kasshin, while he was still working for Katsura. He had been disillusioned and burnt out, entertaining ideas of quitting medicine. He was too ashamed to talk to Hiko, but he caved to the “fates” as his guardian liked to refer to them. Akane, Kasumi, and Sakura had sat him down, persuading him to take the new job before deciding anything further. Akane was particularly fervent, she had never liked Katsura.

So, he had accepted the position and adjusting to the new work environment occupied him. Then, the accident happened. It was on a night not too different from this one, and he had also been on call. He heard there was a group of people, on the phone with the director at the crash site, trying to obtain details. He had run to that desk, preparing to encourage the man who had helped him so far. It was at the other end of the hospital and he was relatively late, everyone else mobilizing for the victims’ arrival. When he picked up the phone, he was out of breath. “Kamiya-dono?”

Instead of Director Kamiya’s voice, there was a young, feminine one. Choked with tears, but still strong. “Hello? Please, can you hear me?”

One fateful conversation, and she reminded him of what he loved about his profession. But she didn’t seem to remember. That was alright, the memory was wrapped up in tragedy, and he didn’t want to hurt her. Getting to know her was enough. Even after six years, she was very much the same woman he had spoken to. Compassionate, brave, honest.

Hiko, being his usual infuriating self, had accused him of having a crush, although Kenshin was disgruntled. Not that Kaoru wasn’t attractive, but it was not the point. It wasn’t a crush, he was immensely grateful to Kaoru as well as her late father, for his current life. Originally, he was trying to repay their kindness, in what little he could manage on his part. So far, he enjoyed spending time with her, even when on call. Around her, and for that matter, their other workroom colleagues, he felt at ease in a way that he hadn’t experienced in decades.

But if she asked about him…? He hadn’t decided what he would do yet.

***

Kenshin slowly emerged from his trance. The blinds had been opened, the sky pink with dawn. He clicked his mouse and the monitor lit with the time. Just past six. Night call was almost over.

Kaoru’s chair was empty, and he drowsily recalled her rummaging about, before the door closed. She must have gone to pre-round on her patients, to check on them before meeting with the rest of her team. He hoped they would let her go before noon.

He relayed the night’s events to the day shift’s surgeon, who insisted that everything would be taken care of and please get some rest, Dr. Himura. But he went to check on his shock patient, who was thankfully stable. Then, the parents arrived in the waiting area, and he took the opportunity to speak to them. By the time he returned to retrieve his things, it was already ten. Kaoru was also there, greeting him as if she hadn’t spent the night at the hospital.

“Morning, Kenshin!”

“Good morning. How were your rounds?” He inquired, clearing his desk.

“Quick, thank goodness.”

“And how are you?”

“I feel fine. Well, I know it’s fake, I’ll probably crash once I get home. I’m just going to submit my notes, and then, I’ll go.” She didn’t sit down, her eyes glued to her screen as she logged in. A few clicks, and then, she grabbed her bag. “Done! Geez, I’m ready to leave.”

“Good work, Kaoru-dono.”

“You too.” Despite how little she must have slept, her smile was as radiant as ever. “But you’re still here? I thought you would have been out by now.”

“This one had a few tasks, but this one was just about to leave as well. After you.” He urged her ahead of him. They shared an elevator down, luckily without any stops.

“Have you already eaten breakfast?” She asked.

“This one had a leftover rice ball. The cafeteria is…” His weary mind searched for a word that would be appropriate.

“I know, I really want Tae to expand her hours, but she can’t while she has her regular job. I think I have cup ramen in my pantry.”

“Next time, this one will bring enough onigiri to share.”

“Next time?” She repeated, emphasizing the implication of another call shift in the near future, but she was laughing. “Would they have caffeine in them?”

He smiled at her. “For you, this one will make an exception.”

Her cheeks grew pink. “Thank you, I’ll look forward to it.” After a pause, she added. “What would even be inside such onigiri? Instant coffee?”

Matcha powder actually, but he needed to perfect that recipe. “It would be a surprise.”

“Geez!”

They passed the lobby, and bright sunshine filled his vision. After spending so long in the hospital, it was a relief to be out in the open again. The cloudless sky was an immaculate blue, the fresh air crisp. Beside him, Kaoru sighed, her lips curving. The wind tossed her ponytail, and she shoved her hands in her pockets, continuing on. Suddenly aware that he was staring again, he picked up his feet. Then, they were already at the garage and had to part ways. Work had truly ended.

“Drive safe and sleep well! I’ll see you on Monday!” She waved and he did the same.

“Take care.”

There was no traffic, and his empty apartment was cool. It was quiet as he meticulously cleaned his belongings. As he walked to his bedroom, he barely made a sound. The shower seemed too loud, and so did the hair dryer. Slipping between his clean sheets, he noticed the lack of scent. After leaving his glasses on his nightstand, he checked his phone again. Nothing new, which was supposed to be good. He hovered over Kaoru’s name in the group chat. Well…it wouldn’t hurt. His thumb pressed down, and he began to type.

This one hopes you returned home without issue and that you have a relaxing weekend.

With the message sent, he locked the screen. She could reply on her own time.

And at last, he closed his eyes.

[saundraswriting]

Need Some TLC Chapter 1: Home

SUMMARY: Reader is a Registered  Nurse in a city hospital. She works usually 3-11pm but sometimes works 11pm-7am. Lately though without the necessary staff, she is asked if she could pick up any overtime hours as a nurse or a nursing assistant/patient care tech. Never one to abandon her patients she complies working more and more and more. Without much family or friends to keep her and her workaholic tendencies in check, her neighbors step in. Sargent James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes-AKA the Winter Solider and his best friend Captain Steve Grant Rogers-AKA Captain America begin passively helping, leaving food on her doorstep, making sure she can walk from the elevator to her place in one piece, keeping tabs on her whereabouts and even using their heighten senses to ensure her personal safety behind the walls. When a fire drill doesn't wake you Bucky Barnes takes matters into his own hands, with Steve and The Avengers' help of course.

WARNINGS: NONE for this chapter

PAIRINGS: Bucky Barnes x Reader      Steve Rogers x Tony Stark

SERIES MASTERLIST // NEXT

CHAPTER 1 (Also on AO3 Here)

The elevator was quiet, blissfully quiet. Completely devoid of the talking, typing, clicking, clacking, cart-rolling, pill-passing noise of the general medicine floor of the hospital you worked at. The bright fluorescent lights were the only thing keeping you awake. If your state of being was to be considered awake, you leaned heavily on the back wall of the elevator using it to keep upright. Swaying, your blinks were long and frequent, pushing off the fatigue until the last possible minute. You were almost home, after your fourth 16-hour shift in a row, you had your fist day off in ten or twelve days. The money from working so much overtime was nice but it left you tired down to your mitochondria.

Finally, the elevator dinged, and the doors opened. You stumbled out and onto your floor paying no attention to anything other than the floor in front of your feet, keeping ahold of all your belonging and finding your key. Your shuffling gait was in a direct collision course with one of the occupants from the other room on the floor. You shuffled on, not aware of him at all.

“Jeez, Y/N, are you okay?” Sargent James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes asked as he side-stepped your swaying shuffle.

“I’m fine. Jus’ tire’ is all.” You slurred. You came to a rough halt, not wanting to lose a moment with you floormate. You didn’t dare turn around knowing that you would see stars.

“Did you work all night again? Do you need some help getting to your room?” Bucky looked at you back, noticed your light trembling and swaying. “Never mind, I am helping you to your room. Give me your keys please, Y/N.”

“No. I can’t let my patients suffer.” You fisted the keys to your apartment, which was across from the one Bucky shared with the one and only Steve Grant Rogers-or as most knew him, Captain America-and lurched away from him. You tried to put more effort into speaking so the slurring wouldn’t be too heavy, a day nurse had told you that you were practically unintelligible. Your suddenly clear speech did not distract him from the fact it took you three tries to fit you key in the lock.

“What am I going to do with you?” Bucky sighed. You figured it was rhetorical and even if not, it was getting harder to stay awake. Bucky nudged you out of the way, unlocking your door for you and guided you in. You inelegantly threw your stuff on the counter, heaving a deep sigh.

“SArgent Barnes, thank you for helping me get home. I should be fine from now. I am going to sleep a bit and get a shower. I am off today. I hope.” You faced James totally, wanting to convey your thanks properly. “I don’t mean to be such a burden to you. Let me know how I can repay you.” You flashed him a bright grin.

Bucky felt his breath catch. Even run down as you were, even dressed in wrinkly and smelly and sweaty and stained scrubs, your hair a greasy pile on your head and speech almost undecipherable. You were beautiful.

“Repay me? Y/N, there is no need. You are my friend. You are Steve’s friend. I am doing what anyone should do, being a nurse is hard and demanding on a full-time schedule, let alone the insane one you have.” Bucky said. You just shook your head and smiled.

“Fine, you win, mister. Now, if you don’t mind, I need a shower and to clean up my apartment and a nap. So, go do your ‘Avengers’ thing.” You made a shooing motion with your hands. Bucky held his up and walked backwards out the door laughing lightly.

“You shouldn’t lie to your elders. That isn’t polite. If you need me just knock. We just got back from a mission. Steve is still at the compound, but I came straight here” Bucky said. “Do you want anything to eat? I can whip up some eggs for you. You are looking a little thin.”

“I’m not ‘ungry. Have a few chores. Then sleep. Later?” You were slurring again. Bucky took your answer as a question. From sharing your floor, the last few months, he knew you were prone to skipping meals too often.

He and Steve used their heightened senses to keep track of you. Left to your own devices you slacked in the self-care department. He had learned that you worked 3pm-11pm most days but some days it was 7pm-7 am or even 3pm-7am, and the latter seemed to be happening more and more frequently. He knew you didn’t have much family or friends to alleviate the workaholic tendencies you displayed.

“Okay, Y/N. Why don’t you come over for dinner? We can watch Blue Planet. If you need us, we are across the hall.” Bucky offered.

“Thank you again, Sargant Barnes. Without your help I would still be sitting in the hall asleep.” You focused on his face once more. He peered closely at you and seeming to believe that you weren’t in danger of passing out, He ruffled your messy hair and left. He closed and locked the door behind himself.

The second the door shut it felt as if he took all the liveliness with him. You sagged where you stood, exhaustion catching up with you. You looked around and sighed, your place looked like a goblin had been living here for a month. The last two and half weeks especially had been rough on your floor at the hospital, being a general medicine floor, you took anyone eighteen years or older for anything at all. You could have a 20-year-old with the flu or an 89-year-old with a fresh hip replacement. You had the beds for any patient the hospital had to admit that didn’t need a specialty room (unless overflow happened). The floor had 60 beds for usually 6 nurses and 8 nurse aides, however, there was a low supply and high demand for healthcare workers. Recently, you have been the nurse for 30 patients and having to help the aides since there are only four or five of them a night. And even shorter staff on the overnight shift, leading to you picking up or needing to stay over because no one was there to relieve you. You also picked up shifts as a nursing assistant or patient care tech, believe that no nurse is above their aides and you understand you patients better.

“Okay, let’s get changed and then shower. We can clean up after that.” You nodded firmly, pulling from the almost empty energy stores to get moving.

You pulled off your filthy scrubs, not even beginning to identify the mysterious stains and added them to the dirty laundry. After a quick shower you pulled on sweatpants and a shirt, feeling like a functioning member of society and not a dirty trash goblin. You gathered all your dirty clothes and began on of the many loads of laundry, while that went you did dishes and cleaned out the fridge, took out the trash, changed sheets, swapped the throw blankets on the chair and couch. You even wrote a grocery list for the next week or two. After doing a second load of laundry you called it quits. It was 9:30 in the morning and you needed some sleep before tackling the rest of your chores.

“Two melatonin and two-night ibuprofen should do the trick. I can sleep. I can sleep and not have to get up for work until tomorrow.” You said to yourself. You took the medication and curled up on the couch with David Attenborough lulling you to sleep.

“Some arteries of the blue whale of big enough for adult humans to swim through.” Was the last thing you heard.

Masterlist // Next

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Welcome to my first published Bucky Barnes X Reader fic. I am very attached to this. I wrote a lot of myself into this story. I am a Certified Nursing Assistant near Pittsburgh, PA. So I have some experience but I work with the elderly in a nursing home. Please leave a comment or kudos, I am not sure how well received this will be, and I don't really know what I am doing.

[matildainmotion]

A Quiet Blog on Paradox in the time of Covid

While the streets are quiet the volume of online noise is terrific. News, articles, tweets, blogs, zoom meetings, online offerings of classes, shows, concerts and more. I am attracted and repelled by them. I want to take part and I also feel silent amidst the din. Thousands of people with thousands of thoughts. I dive in and out, make quick raids into the online crowds. I am humbled, moved, alarmed, angered, frightened by what I read. I am not sure I have anything to add. I don’t feel qualified and I do not want to contribute to the noise. But I have committed to writing a blog a month and it is a new month. My son would not let us forget April Fool’s Day – he superglued a five pence piece to the bathroom floor. Despite the fact that time is slowing, slurring in strange ways now, I know that April has begun – I am reminded whenever I see, and nearly stoop to pick up, the silver coin lying near the loo. So here I am writing a new blog, wondering if it is possible to whisper online. I want to write something quiet.

           Many people are writing lists. It is what we do when we feel overwhelmed. When we do not know what to do, we write ‘to do’ lists. Along with these and the shopping list of hard-to-get-items, I have started a new list recently, not a ‘to do’ list but a list of things that undo me, an undoing list. It is a list of opposites, contrasts and contradictions. I am going to share this list with you in an attempt to write something quiet, because ultimately it is a list of things that leave me silent. Here it is:

Health/ Death:

It starts with the big and frightening contrast that the virus plays out: some people have it and never know, while others die from it. Covid-19 is harmless. Covid-19 is fatal. Both of these are true. And whatever turns out to be true for you (no symptoms, mild ones, odd ones, severe ones) everyone has to hold and navigate these two truths. In our household we have all been ill. We are not yet better. I have no idea what illness we have had. It has been scary and it keeps dragging on so I feel in the fantastic murky middle between the two truths of it all being fine and it all being fatal.

One other contradiction within the virus itself: one of the ways in which Covid-19 can get serious, so I have read, is when the immune system overreacts in a ‘cytokine storm’ – it is an overaction that causes more damage. Sometimes our attempts to make things better, make them worse.

No Work/ More Work:

Whilst some people are stopping, their diaries emptying, their work cancelled, others are working superhumanly hard - key workers, those providing healthcare or food. My husband and I are not key workers. We are both at home. We try to order a delivery of food because we live with my mother and she is in the extra-vulnerable-Covid category and so we must self-isolate. No sites work- all the food delivery websites have notices explaining that they are working round the clock to meet the extra demand. Some will remember this as a time when they sat at home. Others as a time when they could barely make it home. Work has stopped, like never before. Work is speeding up, like never before. These are both true.

Action/ Inaction:

There is a contradiction within the very language used to underscore the importance of the lockdown. ‘Save Lives,’ we are told, an imperative that implies heroism, courageous actions and brave adventures. And what heroic action must we take? To stay home. Those of us who are not key workers must be brave enough to do nothing. We must actively work at having no adventures, if possible not even to the shops and back. We must be courageous. We must do nothing. These are both true too.

Isolation/ Connection:

When I go out for our daily walk, if we see anyone else, we carefully keep away from them, yet say hello. Before the pandemic we would have walked nearer but ignored them. Now we are social distancing yet socialising. Isolating yet connecting. This is also happening online. We are staying separate, together.

Ordinary/ Extraordinary:

Littered amidst those thousands of online articles are the words ‘unprecedented,’ ‘challenging’, ‘crisis,’ ‘extraordinary.’ I am therefore struck when I go out to empty the recycling, by how ordinary the world still looks. Of course this links to my not being one of those key workers – I am sure the inside of a hospital does not look ordinary right now, but our lane does. It is quieter but no different to normal. The silver birches and the oaks opposite, the dustbins to the left, the last of the logs from the winter’s store, the gravel on the driveway – nothing looks unprecedented. I try to imagine going out and knowing nothing of what is going on in the world, and I wonder how long it would take me to notice that everything has changed, forever. Everything is different. Everything looks just the same.

Panic/ Calm.

Linked to the above, there is a strange mix of anxiety and stillness present. Less planes, less cars, less people rushing about the streets - peace and quiet. And panic. Panic buying. Panic phone calls. Panic internet searches. Last week the backs of my hands turned red and my skin began to crack. After a session of anxious googling I realised I had developed hand dermatitis from so much hand-washing. My skin was panicking. The world is calmer. The world is deeply worried.

Empty/ Full

The days are empty. Empty of school, meetings, rehearsals, visits, cafes, outings. And yet full. Full of each other, of the simple getting through-ness which is all-consuming. Full of helping the children to sleep and to wake, finding clean clothes, making meals. Full of putting the cushions back on the sofa, retrieving the toys from under the table, of watching My Little Pony, of writing when I can, of walking when we can, of working out how to order in supplies. It is after midnight by the time I get to bed. The days pass. I have nothing in my diary, but when someone asked me when they could call me, I was not sure when to suggest because I am busy. There is nothing to do. There is everything to do.

Heaven/ Hell

Some people with whom I have connected online (again the not-key-workers amongst us) have said that they are having a wonderful time. Even that it is somewhat idyllic. I see it too - and feel slightly threatened by - the images of other families that go out online, the lovely creative lockdown projects in which others are engaged. I understand it. For once our family is altogether - my husband is not away. The craziness of the world as it was before has suddenly stopped. We have our heavenly moments- when the children make Pharaoh headdresses out of cardboard boxes with my husband, when we all go out for our daily walk and play jumping-on-each-others’-shadows on the grass. 

And then my son has one of his meltdowns, or my daughter. Then someone is furious, someone else in tears. The trauma underway within the world unlocks, in lockdown, all the trauma present within our family’s history. I read of how domestic abuse is on the rise - of course it is. There is nothing idyllic about a pandemic.  

There are heavenly moments, there are hellish moments, every day. 

Grief/ Hope

There is huge grief. So much loss – of lives and livelihoods. Loss of mothers, fathers, of sisters, brothers, lovers, wives, husbands. Loss of grandparents. Loss of children. Loss of work. Loss of projects in the pipeline. My husband works in theatre – all the shows are cancelled. I have been working on a novel for the last 8 years - I have been wondering whether the story I am telling will still make sense in the world now. There is the loss of the spring and summer we were going to have. The holiday. The grand plan. The loss of the world we knew.

There is great hope. People are uniting, supporting one another, showing extraordinary kindness, bravery and dedication. The skies are clearer, the carbon emissions lower, the unsustainability of our lives and the potential to stop the world and make huge changes fast has been unexpectedly, dramatically demonstrated.

Even the weather is part of this contrast: there is a worldwide pandemic in motion and the days are glorious. Sunshine, blue skies, buds, birdsong and death. Every day more death. Every day more sun.

As this pandemic is affecting everyone, it makes me think of everyone and of their different stories. It is a game I used to play even before this happened, to make myself imagine how in this moment someone is dying, and someone else is being born. But at present it seems more potent, more real, the certainty that there are people in deep grief, whilst for others the sudden change to their routines will have enabled a reunion, a love affair. People are dying because of Covid-19. People will be born because of Covid-19. There is so much to grieve the loss of. There is so much to hope for.

That is my list of opposites to date. Opposites are not new. They are not a sudden startling appearance as a result of this pandemic. Opposites are as old as us. We organise our thoughts around them, our language, our culture. The difference right now is not even in their extremity – we have long lived in a world of painfully extreme polarities, of rich and poor, right wing, left wing, and most recently, Brexiteers versus Remainers. The difference now is that more of us are being forced to hold the other, the opposite within ourselves – to embrace the contradictions. Usually our impulse is to take one side, make someone else into the opposition. But now our main opponent, front and centre of the news, is a tiny invisible thing that lives inside us. And it could be in any of us, no matter our gender, economic status, sexuality, religion, race. The opposition is not over there, on the other side. It is literally within us. On our hands. In our lungs. It is taking our breath away. All the wonder, all the horror, of this phrase is true.

These contradictions are paradoxical. Paradox is not paracetamol. It does not lower fevers. It is not a disinfectant, but I do think it is cleansing on some level. Paradoxes are powerful. They disturb, disrupt and ultimately leave me quiet, with nothing to add, because it has already all been said. Both sides have spoken. Both sides are true. What more is there to say? And after this dumbfounded silence, what comes next? I do not know. But I think not-knowing is the best thing we can do right now – those of us that are not nurses or doctors, the not-at-all-key workers like me. I think the best thing I can do is to sit in lockdown, being unlocked, undone by contradictions. Not deciding what the world will be like next but letting the world work on me, after all the devastating work that I, and all the rest of us, have done upon the world.

Usually my blogs end in ‘a question for the month,’ specifically for those who are part of the Mothers Who Make network. This month I am not sure what to ask because I do not want to move too quickly onto answers. Solutions. To-do lists. I do not yet want to fix everything, make it right, because the wrongs need honouring. I also notice I have written less about my mothering this month, less about my making. Usually I relate everything back to these themes, but I suppose it is part of the undoing of opposites that I am not singling myself out as a mother right now, or as a maker. My husband is at home – usually he is not. Usually we are fixed in our opposing roles. But right now he is caring for the children in our tiny garden, while I write this, quietly, in the living room. So, this month, I think all I want to ask everyone, anyone, whoever you are, is simply this: How are you? How are you doing?

If you wish to answer this then one way might be to join us via Mothers Who Make’s new weekly international peer support meetings, every Tuesday, via Zoom. Every kind of mother is welcome to join, with their children in the background, or the foreground, or running in between. At the end of the month we are going to host one for parents and carers too, regardless of gender, in recognition of the ways in which the current crisis is challenging many of our usual roles and divisions. And I don’t know anyone who is not a carer at this moment - someone who cares. Come and join us. On a Zoom call there is a button in the corner of the screen that you can press to mute yourself, so you can be quiet online, as silent as you like, and then, if you wish, you can unmute yourself and tell us how you are.

[badmousestuff-blog]

Is TAXATION THEFT

(SHOTS OF ME OPENING A LETTER)

Mmm Money. Oh hello there, Badmouse, I was just enjoying the sweet sweet smell of the British Payslip, nah its pretty bland, this one here’s from a job I had about 2 years ago, ah memories, memories, memories…. (Sees Tax) I’ve been stolen from.

£50 taken from me! Money that I don’t even get to decide how it gets spent, 1 vote every 5 years out of 2 preselected jerks every 5 years I wouldn’t call a great turnaround. We don’t tolerate thieves coming into our houses and stealing our prized possessions, why do we allow the Federal government to do the same?

(British Mouse appears) We don’t have a Federal Government in Britain, you poser twat.

Rational Mouse: Maybe I can be of assistance.

Its not really ‘THEFT’ though is it? Its a lot less of this “Gimmie your money, of you’ll die!” And a lot more of this “Gimme your money, and I’ll give you, Mrs Piggy Winkle.

IrM: Still Theft Buddy! If one man steals from you, is that Theft? What about 5? What if they buy the man a hamburger and give him a vote? Is that not still the…

MYOPIA ———————————————

RM: This is Myopic and Archaic guff dude

(Irrational Mouse Gasps)

This isn’t how the form of governance we now inhabit came to be anyway, its like that Who will Pick the Cotton without slaves analogy when you compare it to Roads.

Its conflating a systemic transport basis, to a generalised commodity thats sold many times over. They’re not the same thing, theres a very obvious reason why business prefers state run roads the same way industrialised economies prefer state run schools. You’re sort of neglecting why these things came to emerge in the first place. Is it it any coincidence that most of the toll roads started being gutted when Feudalism came to a close?

IrM: Who even are you?

RM: Oh, I’m RATIONAL MOUSE

IrM: So that means I’m…

(RM does the Jack Nicolson eyebrows)

IRRATIONAL MOUSE… Well thats not fair is it?

RM: Look just read the script bud, y’know how it ends

IrM: Fucking writers, you don’t do anything…

RM: Excuse me

IrM: The state has been showcased to be an incredibly inefficient, bureaucratic nightmare, that can never innovate like the market can, it wastes too much of its money, I mean have you seen the state’s attempts to be cool, they couldn’t even make a Millennium Dome profitable.

EFFICIENCY ———————————————

RM: Well you’re right on profits but apart from that its pretty much all Chicago School taft

(IrM gasps)

So many of us have a distrust for the public sector these days, its really no wonder seeing as for the past 40 years men in suits have done an active push of erasing the private sector defects by blaming the state. Quite interestingly, and surprisingly for a lot of leftists, the state sector is actually very efficient, especially when it comes to R&D.

IrM: Blow me

RM: No, I’m serious, wide spread free at the point of use services benefit amazingly from economics of scale. https://newint.org/features/2015/12/01/private-public-sector http://www.psiru.org/sites/default/files/2014-07-EWGHT-efficiency.pdf

Let me put it this way, what seems more efficient to you. Have 10 businesses all competing to not to make the best product, but to win them over to you, you can’t just ask them. In order to do that you’ve gotta come up with some snazzy designs, aesthetically pleasing logos, a funky marketing gimmick, before long you’re spending so much dough in marketing you’re not even interested in helping people, just getting yourself seen. Or You could just have one org that does all of that stuff, it doesn’t need to compete. Sounds to me like a lot of hands that could be spend doing R&D.

IrM: Thats investment not waste, besides R&D is the definition of the private sector … Yea?

RM: No. The private sector utilises R&D a lot, but effectively every piece of GPT was created in the public sector. Yes Samsung made this phone, but who made the battery that goes in it? Why is the state sector significant? TIME. Companies flock new models of these out every year to keep the money train rolling, and most importantly keep faith with their shareholders. Makes them flimsy, crappy, liable to break. But GPT takes decades not years to bring it up to commercial satisfaction. Do you really think that  shareholders are gonna give you investment with the tagline of “Coming this summer. 2047”

Fact remains, we’ve had plenty of time to analyse the effects of the free-market and what we find is theres hardly any greater efficiency.

IrM: You’re really getting off topic here, okay fine businesses want roads, the market isn’t as efficient as I thought, it doesn’t mean that taxes are moral.

WHY BASE AN IDEOLOGY AROUND IT? —————————————————————

Fair enough, the government sure as hell does take my money through a warm gun doesn’t it?

But for the vast majority of us… its really small, like in my pay check I only lost 1/20th of my monthly income, and sure its annoying not being able to spend that on the latest gamer game or a lush soap but I am getting free healthcare, an education, a polli… I’m getting firemen, ROADS, libraries, Society. If thats worth £50 a month then fuck me daddy I’m ready.

(BRITISH MOUSE gasps)

Point here is, you’ve got no semblance basing your entire ideology around something so insignificant, especially when the majority of us will not be owners we’ll be workers and buyers. Now I’m no normie, I know that a lot of this just goes on corporate warfare, IMF loans, and bailouts. But I recognise that thats part of the system we live in and sadly we have to hang on to what we’ve got whilst the very government I am under is selling it all off to the highest bidder. Don’t want things getting worse do I?

IrM: Yeahh its not a significant thing to base your ideology around, but you’re not getting the point, Taxation is still THEFT!

RM: Ok.

IrM: (Puzzled) eh… No, Taxation is Theft.

RM: Well at this point does anyone care about the views of an An-cap. Come back to reality dude.

(Blinding light)

IrM: The right of a man to own his own own property is a right ordained by common natural law prerequisite to our beings here on earth, through the self-ownership of a person’s own oneself, by natural exclusivity to the creation of ethics and rule of law, as prescribed in first principles, to disagree is literal rape and medieval iceland an…

RM: Alright I get it, you want a wibbly wobbly philosophical answer. Look I could the Positive/Negative rights shit if you want, Kant and Moral hierarchies if we want, I really don’t think folks give a damn about that right now, besides theres probably better people who could do that job than me (Olly)

I think when the dust has settled it all comes down to taxes being negligible compared to what you defend.

IrM: Huh?

RM: Exploited Labour

IrM: Huh, there is no exploitation, if I want someone to pick my potatoes…

EXPLOITATION IN 45 SECONDS

A man has £10 worth of Capital, he uses this to buy raw materials. He pays a wood turner to turn this wood into a chair worth £50. For this he pays the labourer £10. The turner therefore has to make 5 chairs in this arrangement in order to buy 1 of them for himself. You don’t gotta be a genius to see theres a disconnect going on here…

Remember my old pay check? I made about £1000 a month, Now as you…

IrM: Why do you keep leaving? I’m in here?

RM: I got £1000 a month, in an average day we made £1500 worth of goods, generally there were 3 people there each day. Divided by all of us thats £500 each. Now I’m gonna be super generous and say that only half of that is profit, that brings us up to a daily average of £250, but I only saw £60. Whats going on here?

IrM: You decided to take that job…

RM: No I didn’t it beats eating ass omelettes for a living.

I’m not denying its very liberal estimate it is, but £190 is a lot of money that I literally get no say in how its spent, I’m sure a lot of it would of have to have gone back into my employment or taken out as more taxes, but its not the specific amount I’m interested in, the point is I get no say my labour power, I don’t even get a vote, best I can do is fuck my boss. If we drag this out to a month, thats £3000, I’m getting screwed. And this, this small little number, is what we consider… THEFTTTTTTTTTTTT. Those Chicago boys were good.

IrM: You can… You can start your own business…

RM: Majority will always be workers not owners.

IrM: Not if everyone decided to save up their money and open one

RM: Nobody’s going to buy your cigars if they’ve quit smoking to sell you cigars.

PAUSE

And don’t think I’d stop there, I’d consider RENT theft too, think of all the money we spend so just existing in buildings, somehow I don’t think it costs half our pay checks to have personal washing machine fixers.

IrM: But its their property

RM: O RLY?

IrM: Yes, if they weren’t allowed to do that then they wouldn’t bother, nobody would be able to find anywhere to rent

RM: And maybe if jesus had been hanged we’d all be kneeling over a fucking gibbet.

IrM: Wa.httt??

RM: Theres a reason I think why we call them American Libertarians. See if you pick up a copy of Adam Smiths stuff you’ll notice that he’s not the pastiche we think of him as. Check this out… “The landlords like any other men, love to reap where they never sowed, and demand a rent even from its nature produce” Now I’m not saying BOOM Smith’s a lefty, the point is he didn’t view Capitalism as great just because, he was looking at it based in his experience of the system as it existed in Britain.

But America has a very different history to us Anglos, the entire nation was founded upon a certain hatred of taxes, and tea.

BM: Actually it never really was about the taxes, they just wanted to own the slaves whole sale, didn’t want old money controlling the colonies so they could …

And when you take the views of this man, and throw it into the melting pot of Exceptionalism and Capital, you get all sorts of zany concepts, like the Self-Made man, The U-turned addict, the Noble Christian, and above all the cult of the founders. They’re dead, they’re not going to sleep with you, I’m sorry.

So what of it? Is Taxation theft? Sure, but its not worth basing your life around it. We all think the Capitalist process is just the general flow of life but its very recent, Medieval Ireland and Iceland don’t compare guys, and at the heart of that system is Exploitation, something that we all as a class deal with on a daily basis, and gain nothing from. One might argue, Taxes on business are a trade off for what they get from us.

I know when you first get into politics its juicy to claim theft over a little bite out of your salary, but we only see it that way because its… literally right in front of us, there isn’t a spare column that counts your total labour value. We shouldn’t get so pissed off over the pennies scraped off instead of the huge overhead.

IrM: Well, guess you got me there.

RM: The circle is complete

BM: I must say it really is a very American thing this whole Taxation, not good business isn’t it rather? RM: Well at least we don’t live in a socialist country… like FRANCE!

Yeah thats like 2, 3, 4 personas in 1 video, I could start an extended universe.

BOOM RAWRRRRRRRR

Oh what now?

I’M THE LATE FOR TRENDS GUY, FEMINISM IS CANCER!

nope nope.

WAIT, STOP, SOMEONE GIVE ME AN OPINION!

[dxmedstudent]

Have you read the article “If I Point a Gun at My Doctor, Will He Still Care?” by Keith Smith? What do you think of it?

Hello, I hadn’t read it. So it’ll be my first impressions that we discuss today. It turns out that it is available on tumblr. But I’m not in the business of telling other people how to feel about their own halthcare system or employer, so I don’t feel the need to reblog his post with my commentary.  I’m flattered that anyone would think my opinion on any think piece would matter, particularly on a topic like US healthcare, which I am not well-versed in, because I’ve never worked in the US as a doctor, never been at the mercy of its insurance companies and holes in coverage. I have nothing at stake in such a discussion, and I can’t help but view the topic through the lens of my own culture, my own experiences and the way in which we choose to run healthcare here in the UK. Fundamentally, that means that to me, healthcare should be a right. I believe, fundamentally, in healthcare (whenever possible) being free at the point of need, funded by taxes that are linked not to how much a treatment costs, but to how much we can all pay. This is not a controversial point of view in the UK.  But given these idealogical differences, I don’t think we’d be able to see eye to eye.

First, the title. I regret having to paste violent google searches, and it strikes me as uniquely American. There are many ways in which I feel constrained by my own system, however I don’t think it has EVER occurred to me to link it to violent, gun-related imagery. I wonder if Americans know just how... gun centric their culture is. I feel anger and resentment seething from this article, and that’s familiar because all of us have issues with the faults of the system we work in. I choose to channel mine in different ways, but I can respect another doctor’s right to feel strongly. His experiences with his entitled cardiology colleague is an interesting anecdote, but I don’t think it translates well to the larger topic at hand. He was clearly angry, frustrated, maybe even burnt out, and nobody in those shoes wants to have terse conversations with colleagues who can’t respect that you don’t owe them your presence when you’ve quit or when you’re off sick. He has my sympathies; colleagues can be rude, entitled and entirely miss the point.  But our colleages and our patients are not the same. On an individual level, yes, patients shouldn’t be able to force us to care for them; a clinician should reserve the right to turn down patients who break a code of conduct; nobody should be forced to treat patients who are verbally or physically abusive, threatening, etc. But as a bigger picture? No, as a doctor I don’t think clinicians should pick and choose which kind of coverage they accept. I don’t believe it should be Now, the problem here isn’t patients. And it’s not necessarily doctors. It’s about the system being set up correctly to make sure that looking after vulnerable patients isn’t difficult for clinicians. A system should provide adequate cover for its vulnerable patients; it is not there to serve the interests of companies or employees. Though as an employeee I am passionate about adequate working conditions and remuneration, I don’t fundamentally believe a healthcare system is ‘about’ this. It is there to treat patients. This doctor seems to suggest that medicaid and medicare aren’t remunerating him properly, therefore he doesn’t feel he should be forced to see patients who rely on them. At least, that’s the impression I’m getting, under all the language about guns and slavery.  I don’t think white Americans should be throwing terms like ‘slavery’ around that lightly; for all my issues with working in healthcare, I think slavery an odd and innappropriate choice of a word for doing work which still pays reasonably. Even if someone doesn’t like the conduct of those clients, or feels underpaid, that doesn’t make it slavery, or most workers would be justified to use that term. No, I don’t feel that doctors should be forced to work; I’m against similar ideas that UK politicians float occasionally. For example, that doctors should be forced to work for the NHS for, say 5 years before they are ‘allowed’ to leave. I don’t believe in holding anyone in a job by force. But I don’t believe the system should let doctors all opt out of treating poor patients. Or LGBTQ+ patients. Or fat patients, etc. The system should be set up in such a way that treating poor patients isn’t hugely difficult and doesn’t bankrupt doctors. Otherwise, you’re just going to get a system where most if not all doctors just don’t take on work they feel doesn’t pay. Which doesn’t help poor peope at all. The problem is, I don’t think Americans realise that healthcare doesn’t have to be as complex as they’ve made it. The core conceit of most American articles about healthcare seems to be that there is just no other way of doing things.  He writes, “This  supposed “right” to health care, cannot undo human nature and the delicate and myriad market forces at work to ensure that all parties in a transaction are willing participants.” . He somehow uses the fact that the US system places more emphasis on companies than people to imply that people shouldn’t have rights because it’ll affect companies, who are many of the ‘parties’ and ‘participants’ in these cases. Now, there are plenty of systems out there that are simpler. A company doesn’t need to consent to a transaction if it doesn’t exist. No intermediary insurance companies who can refuse to fund care if they think their paperwork has a loophole means no stressed patients who have to pay, and no stressed doctors who know that their patients can’t pay. You don’t HAVE to have myriad market forces. The NHS, by comparison is much more simple and elegant. People pay taxes in general. People don’t need to pay for healthcare insurance unless they want to.  People fall sick. People go to hospital but don’t pay hundreds of thousands of pounds for care. Nobody gets bankrupted. Doctors are paid a salary which has nothing to do with how much their patients earn; in fact, we’re all paid along the same pay scale so we know we aren’t being discriminated against in terms of salary. I’m paid less than US doctors, but I pay less tuition, so I guess it evens out? It probably doesn’t, but I didn’t go into medicine to be a millionaire.  I really struggled to understand the ‘point’ of the article, so I had to read it through a few times. As someone not familiar with the system, I couln’t really see what was being so fiercly railed against. I think it boils down to feeling that medicare and medicaid not paying enough; he writes that “payment to me for my services was well below what I thought acceptable ($285 for my last 6 hour cardiac anesthetic).”  I don’t know what acceptable rates would be for such anaesthetic procedures, or how the system counterbalances things to make it overall worthwhile. The next bit, however, I find harder to understand. “Soon thereafter I stopped my dealings with Medicare (and Medicaid) altogether as I increasingly saw myself as the recipient of money taken from my neighbors against their will.” What neighbours? Does he mean his colleagues, who would otherwise be making more money if the patients would pay privately? Does he mean the patients, who felt coerced into seeking medical help and paying at all? Or does he mean his fellow taxpayers? I genuinely struggle to see how he manages to frame accepting patients subsidised by the government as theft in any sense. These are the only literal two sentences that actually address the issues he has with the system, and I would really like to know more. Why do people feel this way? What part of it feels like coersion? Why the unneccessarily violent imagery? Perhaps he was writing for an audience familiar with the ins and outs of the system, and didn’t expect that it’d be read by people who can’t join the dots, but I feel he could have spent less time on recollections and more time on the crux of the matter. As an aside about his own aside, I find it interesting that he feels the need to note that "the angriest patients I’ve ever encountered were the Medicare patients I subsequently treated with no charge whatsoever, their charitable care on my part eliciting patient rage like none I’ve encountered since.”. We all have angry patients, and it’s fair to point out that sometimes people don’t treat us like we wish they would. I do think, however that it’s worth thinking about why people might be angry. What role social issues may play into people’s behaviour. Honestly, if I was a poor person navigating the US system, I don’t know if I’d be a ball of rage, too.  Personally, I’ve had angry patients who are poor, and angry patients who are rich, but I find it more useful to reflect on why people might be angry, rather than just using it to frame an entire class of people as being rude by implication.

[wannabe-placemaker]

University Galleria?

If you’re anything like I was in middle school (and hopefully you’re not for a ton of reasons), when you think of college you think of 4 years on a manicured, historic campus where you’ll be groomed into the next titan of industry, whatever industry that may be. You assume that a bachelor’s degree will cement a quality of life that will be better than your parents’, or if they were college grads, a life that will as comfortable as they had. That’s the basket of goods that has been sold to pretty much every American born since Animal House was released. That promise is no longer a guarantee thanks to ballooning costs and a one size fits all solution to creating a competitive 21st century workforce.

Personally, I spent hours upon hours researching schools because my parents were zero help when it came to choosing a college. Their advice had always been “work hard so you can get into a good college” without any definition of what defined ‘a good college’. They’d bought the same basket of goods that everyone’s been sold. I knew that my family had the means to help me out with my tuition no matter what. My mom would work 3 jobs if it meant I got to go to the college of my dreams because that’s just the way she is. I of course didn’t want that, so I focused on school’s that meant 100% of demonstrated financial need and that had a good return on investment (% of students with jobs after graduation and high incomes 15 years out). This wasn’t supposed to be a Colgate University shout out, but that’s where all of my experience comes from so here we are.

What I really wanted to get at here is that Colgate University is the model of college that everyone expects: beautiful campus, quality professors, opportunities for learning and social development galore. The thing is, a Colgate model is really only accessible to the ‘top tier’ of students. (Top tier could also mean Daddy’s money, but with a 23% acceptance rate it’s still a top tier in terms of resources.) We need options for those that can’t afford $30,000 a year bills while also giving up 4 years worth of income. I know we’ve all seen the graphs that show that giving up those working years is made up for with higher salaries down the road, but from what I can see those salaries are too far down the line for people that are drowning in debt now.

We need options for adults to gain more skills across the board that is accessible and tailored for regional economies. There is often a rural ‘brain drain’ where the brightest kids from poor areas leave as soon as they can, which leads to skill gaps in local and regional workforces. Those gaps often go hand in hand with population decline, which wreaks havoc on former commercial strongholds like the shopping mall. Anchors are leaving left and right and there’s a swath of empty space across semi-rural America. What if there was a Federal block grant that could be used for adult education in local and regional areas? I’m sure some type of program like this exists on a small scale, but if it does I sure haven’t seen it working. Imagine taking an old Sears at the end of a mall and breaking it into classrooms, maker spaces, computer labs, or whatever else a community needs to train workers that could be utilized locally.

For example, my hometown is Erie, Pennsylvania; it is known for having one of the poorest ZIP codes in the country, population/economic decline, the pizza bomber, and great sunsets. Our primary mall, the Millcreek Mall, is the commercial keystone of the area. If you need anything in that city, you go to where Peach Street meets I-79 and head to the mall with the 4th most leasable retail space in the US. It consists of 5 anchor sized spaces, many of which have changed hands over the past decade. Having good foot traffic from tourists (0% sales tax on clothes and a short trip from Canada) keeps this mall alive, but the mall serves tourists better than it does the local community. Erie also has 5 universities and there are talks of a community college. This community college project has been debated since I was a baby, and I don’t believe anyone has actually taken classes yet.

When the next anchor inevitably leaves the Millcreek Mall, I imagine the gut reaction will be to find another large retailer to fill the space as that occupancy is tied to the leases of the other tenants. As opposed to another retail space that will provide low paying retail jobs and medium priced goods that tourists want sans sales tax, what if we used that space to train workers that Erie could actually use? At one time, GE Trains was the largest employer in town with other manufacturing making up the bulk of resident’s employment. The largest growing industry is healthcare, generally driven by UPMC and tourism driven by wineries and Presque Isle beaches.

Who am I to say what skills Erie’s workforce needs most? I’m not an employer and I don’t even live there anymore. All I know is that people there need options. So many of my friends are saddled with mountainous debt for degrees they aren’t utilizing as they work retail in the mall. For those that are graduating high school in Erie, many of them working in that mall like I did, are going to go to college without any idea why other than they’ve always been told that’s the key to a better life. If an option was literally right in front of them, that was low cost and taught them skills that local employers are demanding, couldn’t that save them a lot of time and financial hardship? They can’t repo knowledge, but they will still take your car. There’s an aging population and a growing healthcare sector; what are skills that are not taught in K-12 that would be valuable to the industry? Things that don’t necessarily require four years of classroom learning. With Erie Insurance being the only Fortune 500 employer in the area, perhaps they could teach courses on insurance coding or underwriting or risk management that could be applied to multiple companies. Getting employers involved in the process will be key to actually producing workers that will be valuable for the area. The city of Erie school district faces newsworthy financial hardship to a point they had to close and sell a school. I don’t really trust them to be teaching students about fiscal responsibility or personal finance, so having civic courses that teach folks how to do taxes, apply for a loan, not live on credit cards, register to vote, could also be included as gen ed courses potentially in this space.

People graduate college and have nothing from it but a mountain of debt and a piece of paper. Many don’t even get that far and drop out with too much debt and no piece of paper. Heck this space could also function as a college prep place. Somewhere to go before you commit to college. Personal opinion, but we should be prepping Erie for climate change. We’re going to be in a prime position with our access to fresh water, open space, and a climate that should be suitable for agriculture and people. We’re going to need infrastructure improvements, construction, transportation solutions that get us away from personal automobiles, environmental workers that shore up our beaches to prevent erosion and to protect our wildlife, urban planners, community activists that can shape the future of Erie for people in Erie. There are levels of thinking that go into all of these things, which means we’ll need folks with Master’s degrees probably, but I guarantee we’ll need skilled workers on the frontlines actually getting things accomplished. People think ‘no college required’ means ‘no skills required’ but we all know that’s not the case. Whether it’s customer service, stocking shelves, trading stocks, digging ditches, building a rocket, or picking up roadkill, there’s skill and often art involved in quality results. Tapping into the talent across the country does not require that everyone go to a four year public university for free, it requires giving localities the resources to create citizens that want to make their world, and hopefully their communities, a place they’re proud of.

[scoutshonor56]

COP NATION

“Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do…”

 As I’ve watched our country being torn apart these last three weeks, I’ve been tempted to voice an opinion, but I thought I would let things simmer and roil a while before setting my thoughts to words – see how events evolved.  What has become obvious is that what we have are two separate issues, albeit both intrinsically woven together, joined at the waist: Racism, and what America calls “law and order”; specifically, those who are tasked to uphold this social contract, the police. Those sworn to protect and serve.

 Well, like America’s fixation with guns, I have also written about race many times – so many times that I’ve given up writing about either years ago; there is simply nothing more to be said, nor has anything significantly changed. So instead, I’m going to put out there some observations and insights about law enforcement here in America.  I draw upon mainly two sources: Last Monday’s (June 8) John Oliver show, and a recent post in the social platform, Medium: Confessions of a Former Bastard Cop.

 A quick addendum about the Medium piece: some may question it’s validity and alleged source, as is wise today – there is a huge, digital quagmire of untruths and bullshit floating around the mass communications world, where anyone is free to write anything and instantly put it out there. I myself am a stickler for checking sources and facts before voicing an opinion.  That being said, I choose not to waste time digging and poking around on this one for the simple reason that it’s irrelevant; in my 64 years I’ve seen it all happen – a lot.  From the war protests and race riots of the 60’s, to the beating and drowning of Joe Campos Torres by the Houston police my first year down here (‘77), to the fatal shooting of Dennis Tuttle and Rhogena Nicholas during a “no knock” botched drug raid January 18th of last year - yes, just like the one that lead to the death of EMT worker, Breonna Taylor, of Kentucky, who was shot eight times, in her home, just last March 13.  

 Also, a lot of the material touched on in this ex-cop confession is mirrored in the Oliver show.  For instance, you might ask yourself, “Is there really such a thing as a ‘killologist’ who regularly trains our police force?”

 Why yes little Sarah, there is indeed, and you can see him on the Oliver show!

 I encourage you to read the post in Medium (it’s lengthy, but if anything, at least read the closing suggestions) and watch the Oliver show, and then ask yourself: Why does America far and away lead the civilized world in police use of firearms, death by firearms, and imprisonment of its citizens?  What are we, as a society, doing wrong or differently?

 How did a simple case of an Atlanta black man, Rayshard Brooks, inebriated and asleep at a Wendy’s drive thru, result in his shooting death just days ago?  By the way officer Rolfe, bravo sir, bravo!  Job well done – so how does it feel to take a human life, shooting him twice in the back for the offense of being drunk and resisting arrest?  Hey, here’s a crazy thought, a wild reimagining: Considering America is now a tinderbox just waiting for a spark over policing methods, how do you think this would have played out if you and your partner, after finding Mr. Brooks too inebriated to drive, said “You know anyone you could call to take you home?  You can park your car right over there, come pick it up in the morning…”  

 The days of dismissing these incidents as “a few bad apples” are long gone; thanks to today’s technology, everyday citizens (not to mention the ubiquitous security cameras that are everywhere) now have the power to record with a handheld phone; anywhere, anytime, and it has become increasingly obvious that no, the problem runs deeper - right to the core of police culture and training.  A culture that recently got Tulsa Police Department  Maj.  Travis Yates in hot water when during a recent podcast he said that systemic racism “just doesn’t exist”, and further suggested research shows the police are shooting African Americans “24% less than we probably ought to be.”

 Uhhhh -  wow…

 Maybe it’s time to look at this nationwide problem from a totally different perspective; maybe we continue to put Band-Aids and cosmetic patches on something that needs to be addressed before the bleeding even starts.  The cause, and not the symptoms.  

Yet, once again we assuredly will see some tepid policy changes, banning chokeholds, mandated race relations seminars, increased accountability and monitoring, policy reviews, blah, blah, blah – as we’ve seen it all before, for decades (Hey, remember Rodney King?), and in the end nothing changes.  If these methods were effective, why are these incidents only increasing in frequency? I join the many who have seen enough; who feel America needs to erase the board and start this equation over, or this bloody ugliness will continue, and only get worse.  For an expansion on this, read an excellent recent editorial written by Mariame Kaba, featured in the NY Times.

 Unfortunately, the Dems have come up with a reasonable start, but decided to call the initiative “Defunding the Police”.  Really?  That’s the best you can do?  Something that anyone could easily interpret as “let’s starve the cops financially!” Until what – they die on the vine?

 No.  But let’s take a look at what this financial restructuring really means, and start with the fact that the police force militia (which it has now become) is amply funded.  This is because every politician, be they a Democrat or Republican, loves running on a “law and order” platform – it’s an easy grab line.  Who doesn’t support law and order in our society?  And if it means the police want something from a military garage sale, like a Humvee, an assault vehicle, military grade ordinance and all kinds of fun urban warfare toys?  No problem!  

 Jeez, why does America accept this as necessary? Because our culture, out TV shows, our movies, are saturated with the fairytale myth of “they’re out there everywhere, the ‘bad guys’, and the only thing protecting the sheep from the wolves are the police!”  We glorify and promote the idea of our security and protection depends on a steely-eyed squad who are not afraid to use a gun; from the days of the old west, to organized crime during prohibition, to Nixon in 1971 making drug abuse “public enemy #1”, declaring war on the scourge of violent drug dealers that overtook our streets and enslaved our children!  

 Which, I might add, has proven a laughable failure by any and all standards, and has cost the U.S. over a TRILLION dollars since 1971, while glutting our jails to overflowing with non-violent offenders and ruining countless families.

 Watch a cop show (or movie) and see how long it takes before the guns come out to finalize justice, to provide closure and a happy ending. Justice ends with the scum bleeding out on the sidewalk.  “COPS”!? Are you fucking kidding me?  I didn’t even know it was still on the air – 31 years…  Oh, we feel so safe and secure in our homes as we watch the shirtless rabble led off in handcuffs to the squad car!  

Who watches a show filled with actual arrests for entertainment?  

 Meanwhile, let’s leave fantasy land and take a look at the real world: Did you know the vast majority of police action is what they call “reactive”?  Meaning responding to noise complaints, issuing parking and traffic citations, dealing with the homeless, domestic disputes, and other noncriminal, societal issues.  Most cops make one felony arrest a year – one.  And here lies the nut of the problem: armed police being called out mostly to deal with issues such as these.  

 Things that should, and could, be handled by trained professionals in these fields, not some cop who got 1,000 hours of training at the academy, little of it having to do with these issues.  And I say this in defense of the police, and this is what “defunding” really means.  They shouldn’t have to deal with these problems, and most are ill equipped to do so – they’re cops!  If all you have is a hammer (club and gun), and you were trained to be a carpenter, everything gets treated like a nail.  This is ridiculous that our police are expected to wear so many hats and are so over extended.  Free them up to deal with actual criminal issues.  If one of the other scenarios turns violent or threatening, then call the police.

 Why does America find this concept so alien – so non-applicable here in the USA?  What, are our citizens somehow different than in the rest of the world?

 Bottom line, these are problems that exist because of the anemic funding in areas such as education, housing, and our shameful, for profit healthcare system that leaves millions uninsured and one medical emergency away from bankruptcy.  The positively obscene gap of income inequality that grows ever larger.  The false promises of politicians.  America is increasingly angry and frustrated with a government that is structured to favor the rich.  So yes, let’s try diverting some of police funding and instead put it into social programs involved with education, housing, mental health, etc.  These areas and the lack of funding are the seed, and then the root of most of society’s ills today – and yes, that often grow into crime and violence.  Often these are people that we’ve let fall thru the cracks, who didn’t get the same chance, the same opportunities; and who need a little help.

 Pay the police a better wage, attract and demand a more educated and diverse pool of applicants, and free them up to do what they are ideally supposed to do – PROTECT AND SERVE THE COMMUNITY.  They shouldn’t be seen as our enemy, nor should we be theirs.

 “You have to dominate, if you don’t dominate you’re wasting your time – you’re going to look like a bunch of jerks…You have to put them in jail for ten years and you’ll never see this stuff again.”   

- Trump addressing governors during a video conference call, June 1

[recovery-status]

(PART 2)

When I moved up to my moms, I was still with fuck boy. At the time we did part time living at my house and part time living at his house. July 2016 I had gotten my first official job with a healthcare company doing patient registration. I started to feel like a big girl, doing big girl things, making my own money. I had caught on quick, and was very comfortable with my colleagues. From what I can remember, this is when things began to get rough. To save time, i am going to just go over a few things i went through. Keep in mind, none of this that I am putting out there is for pitty. I dont need that. I am just telling my story exactly how it happened. It’s not talking shit if these are facts. There were three things that happened that at the time, I didn’t know what was going on but as time went on and even after the break up, I had put two and two together and really realized what a piece of shit I was with. My ex and I had been going through some rocky things but this day something was really off. He had just gotten off of work and took me to get something to eat. He had explained to me that his sister and a few of her friends were in his words, “going to Vegas and one of the friends needed someone to stay at her house for the next couple of days to dog sit.” I was taken back because in my opinion you don’t need to spend days there, just check in every now and then to take care of the damn dog and leave. We got into a fight over that. Later that night, I go to an old high school friends house to hangout (drink) and I get a facebook message from my ex that my jealousy was too much to handle, that we need time apart and that he needed time to think. I was so sad all night after reading that. I am sure i killed the buzz. Few days go by, he’s barely talking to me but eventually he apologizes for being an ass swears up and down it wont happen again and we get back together. (I’ll come back to this) 

Few weeks go by I move on from what happened, everything is fine whatever. I am at work one day working a 12 hour shift, I don’t remember what sparked this argument but something got brought up and shit hit the fan. Not sure what was all said on both sides, but I remember how it made me feel. I was so fixated on arguing with him over text that time went by so fast because i wasnt paying attention to anything else. Before I even clocked out for the night, he had basically told me to fuck off he was with his “boys” drinking because i made him so upset. He was very good at not taking accountability for what he had done, blaming it all on me, and then just disappearing and ghosting without anything being resolved. After the anger left, the sadness came. I was scared that I had just ruined us, that he was going to leave me & that he would never talk to me again. So stupid. I originally had plans to go over to a friends house to hangout after work, and on my way there I had finally gotten ahold of him Parked on the side of the road on some random ass street, I was begging and pleading sobbing for him not to break up with me. Meanwhile my friend is on the other line blowing my phone up asking where I was. The phone call was just me in hysterics and silence on his end. I dont understand why my mindset went to “I want to die” mode but it did. That was the first time i had really expressed suicide idealization. I was telling him exactly what I had planned on doing to accomplish my thought. It was simple, I was going to go to my step dads gun safe and pull the trigger. Thats the thing I hate about myself, once I have an idea I am obsessed with it good or bad. I make my way home he’s trying to convince me not to do it, saying he loves me and hes sorry just shooting bullshit in my ear basically. I firmly believe I was being watched over that night because the safe that was always unlocked, was locked that night. Somehow in the midst of all the mess, he finally let me pick him up. I get to where he’s at and we make our way to his house. What I didn’t know was that he had texted my mom “concerned” that something was going to happen. I found out early the next morning when she was at his front door looking for me. I have never seen her so worried and sad in my life. To this day i regret putting her through that. She instantly took me to the hospital. She worked in the Emergency department at the time, and was able to contact one of her co workers and they got me in through the back and put me into a room. She took my phone from me, and the social worker greeted me as soon as I walked in. I broke down and was all sorts of emotionally drained. I explained to him the situation I was in, and the plan that I had tried to act on. The doctor comes in the room and after his evaluation, made a decision to admit me into inpatient. When I heard those words, my heart dropped. I was so scared of the unknown. My mom was in and out of the room that whole visit because she couldn’t keep herself together. I broke my moms heart that day. 

[enetproperty-blog]

House Prices Post Brexit

Where will UK house prices in the post Brexit world be headed? House Prices Post-Brexit Well, we don’t know for sure yet because we don’t know what kind of Brexit we will get, or even if we will get one anyway, (the UK could delay the fateful day or even change its mind). Of course, all the uncertainty is making business and consumers delay decisions on things. It will all work out in the end but whichever way you look at it, Brexit is a big change to the economic landscape. Back in 2015 I wrote a piece where I looked at house prices in the UK and whether they were too high or too low and where they might be headed. In fact, I have written several pieces like this from time to time. When I wrote the 2015 piece, (see link at the very end of this blog), I still never really envisaged that the UK would leave the European Union, so things have changed and my conclusions are worth revisiting in the light of the decision to leave. Back then, I was concerned that house prices looked “toppy” in places like London and I also mused on the potential for endemic deflation to set in for the long term, which I suggested would eventually have a big impact on house prices too. (Ultimately, in the medium to long run, consumer price inflation eventually feeds into asset inflation – things like house prices and share prices – or at least it does in the absence of other big factors, such as huge moves in in the cost of borrowing and saving money (interest rates)). So what’s changed then? Brexit and The Migrants Since I wrote my 2015 piece, Brexit has made the UK a far less attractive place for migrants to come to work in. Many migrant workers already here and those considering coming here will regularly translate what they can make and save here in pounds back into Zlotys or Czech Crowns or whatever and conclude that the UK is not so great any more. The devalued exchange rate for the UK pound against other currencies as a result of Brexit has seen to that. Some may also worry about whether they will be able to actually stay in the future (though I think this is less of a concern right now). Plus, the economies of Poland and many other parts of Europe are now growing at a faster pace than the UK and have been so for at least nine months. There are suddenly more jobs and more opportunities back home as the EU area finally seems to be coming out of the slow lane. Oh, and don’t think that the healthcare and schools in places like Central and Eastern Europe are worse than the UK, which must be why the migrants like it so much here. If you think that, you really need to get out and travel more. Most of my EU migrant tenants are not overly impressed with our schools or our NHS. Sorry if that’s news to people. So, why does this matter? Well, population pressures from migration has been a huge factor in house price (and to a lesser extent) rental price inflation. Take it away and you take away a big support for house prices. The Great House Price Collapse 1989-1995 In my 2015 article I reminded people how house prices fell in most of the UK by 30 to 35% in real terms from 1989 to 1995, an event which caused people real misery as the value of their homes plummeted to well below the value of their mortgages, leaving them paying interest on a loan that was more than the value of their home. Ouch!  House prices  did not pick up again until late in 1996, and even then it took a while for the rises to filter outside the south east. It can be so easy to forget this recent history in those areas of the UK, (especially London and the South East), which have seen more or less steady and sustained rises in house prices ever since 1996-7 But here is another thing to mull over. In the period from 1989 to 1995, the population of the UK stagnated or fell. This is a fact which is often overlooked, because most people just ascribe the falls in house prices then, to the shock of fast rising interest rates in 1989 and the withdrawal of double MIRAS (mortgage interest relief at source). They overlook the demographic impact of the population fall on house prices at that time. In this Brexit world, we must be alert to the possibility that if there is a big exit of migrants, house prices will certainly be affected adversely. And so will rents. On a very slightly more positive note, there are some factors working the other way as a result of Brexit. One is that foreign cash investment in the UK property market, especially from the likes of China and Singapore has increased even more as a result of the cheaper pound. But, as we have often said, too much of this money ends up in “me-too flats” which are already oversupplied, even in London. So, the impact on house prices of this particular extra stock could be limited in the longer term and it could possibly even be negative.  (Too much supply chasing too few tenants). The Asian investors are more likely to lose money over ten years than make much, bless ’em! The other factors in my 2015 piece have not changed much, though the risk of some inflation in the UK in the short to medium term is higher than it was in 2015. This could lead the government to increase interest rates, though only if the economy could stand it. However, I don’t think this is the case right now, given the very tight squeeze consumers are still under. So, actually in conclusion, I think that the outlook for house prices and rents is probably worse than it was in 2015. But, again so what? Should you not buy UK property? Opportunities in UK Property Right Now Always remember, not everywhere in the UK do house prices and rents move in the same way. Opportunities abound. And they abound most when all around is doom and gloom. The trick as a property investing landlord who is interested in holding property for the long term is to buy into the right area and the right type of property that will do well, even if the worst predictions about the economy come true. And also, those people who manage their property letting businesses well, keeping costs down, will always fare well too. Makes sure you are one of them. This is how we help people at LettingFocus in our one to one advice sessions.  WE show them where and what to buy and how to manage their lets effectively. Deflation, House Prices and Population ABOUT LETTINGFOCUS Services for Private Landlords We help landlords and property investors by showing them how to make money in the private rented sector using ways which are fair to tenants and which involve minimal risk. Our advice is completely independent. We take don’t commission payments or fees from anyone, ever. 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